Scanner : anne hathaway

Bai Ling Trying To Make Mickey Rourke Regret Dumping Her

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 21:12:00 GMT

Today's Gawker and an edition of the New York Post are excited to report on superstar genius man-actor Mickey Rourke's revived love life. First, they point out, Mickey fended off Bai Ling, going stag to the Oscars, and now faces rumors that a Russian model is trying to use him for fame.

Both sources claim an unnamed "pop star/model" is leaking gossip to Russia's tabloids about her plans to marry the actor. Yeah, and I'd like to announce my engagement to Anne Hathaway, while we're at it.

Meanwhile, Bai Ling is doing some leaking of her own-- namely, these nude photos-- in an attempt to rebound from Rourke.

And the classics that captured his imagination in the first place...

Click the photos for the larger image.

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While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

David Letterman finally married his girlfriend of more than 20 years, with a decent story to boot.

See, this is why we love the city.

Yeah, we were wondering about that: John Mayer seems to be on the Twitter thing all the time. Turns out, it's the reason he got dumped by Jennifer Aniston.

A woman was arrested in her wedding dress for drunk driving.

A man and a woman were arrested after the woman was discovered breastfeeding while drunk off her ass. Oh yeah, and the cops also found poison and other harmful materials in the baby's room. God bless Florida.

It has long baffled us that, hardcore Republican or not, women are able to watch Bill O'Reilly after reading something like this.

Anne Hathaway is confirmed to play Judy Garland. But can she sing?

Remember how we thought M.I.A.'s kid's name might be dumb? And then how we turned out to be wrong about that name? Turns out we weren't all that wrong after all.

A Best Buy customer actually thought their "new" DVD player was new. Imagine that! Oh, and it had a XXX porn disc inside.

And Katy Perry and Josh Groban are dating. This is the last time we will ever mention these two, we swear...

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Mr. Skin's 2009 Naked Oscar Nominees Are Here, Free and Uncensored

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 18:52:00 GMT

Excuse the terrible headline, but we're rushing to be the first to take down The Man (Mr. Skin) by revealing his Top 5 Naked 2009 Academy Award Nominees in all their free and uncensored glory...

Earlier this week, the Hollywood nude database announced the famed annual list of naked Oscar nominees (of the ten females in acting categories, only Viola Davis has had a nude-free career.) Of course, there was an accompanying video with little Skin-heads over the naughty bits... but we'll take them away just for you, for free. You can't see this anywhere else... well, unless you do an exhaustive internet search that takes hours of our time, like we did...

5. Anne Hathaway - Havoc, nominated this year for Best Actress for Rachel Getting Married. Warning: this sex scene is disturbing, even in this chopped-up version.

4. Melissa Leo - Streetwalkin' (Best Actress - Frozen River) Although we couldn't find the topless scene Mr. Skin mentions, here's another scene with Leo showing some other parts of her award-winning anatomy, plus another funny "sex" scene from The Three Burials... movie, in which Dwight Yoakam remains in his socks. Classic.

3. Penelope Cruz - Elegy (Best Supporting Actress for Vicky Cristina Barcelona.) Why hadn't we heard of this before? It stars Penelope Cruz, Ben Kingsley, and Patricia Clarkson, and features two of those three in the buff (guess which?) Also, it's based on a forgettable Philip Roth bestseller from only a few years ago. Did we mention Penelope is topless for what seems like all of the movie's two hour running time? Guess we'll have our answers on March 17th, when it Elegy comes to DVD.

2. Kate Winslet - The Reader (Best Actress for the same.) We haven't seen this movie, but the fact that we've heard it called one of the worst movies ever nominated for Best Picture and "without a doubt the foulest film about the Holocaust" leads us to believe that having checked out Winslet's three nude scenes online is more than enough torture for one year. By the way, since this film is still on theaters, this is a bootleg of a bootleg, so the quality is understandably low.

1. Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler (Best Supporting Actress for the same.) This nude scene has been played to death on Scanner's pages, but hey, this isn't our list. Use the link below to check out the many other great clips from her wonderful career.

Marisa Tomei NUDE Stripper Performance in 'The Wrestler'

Top 5 Salma Hayek Sex Scenes

Top 5 Sex Scenes Starring Angelina Jolie

Amber Heard Finally Nails Her Breakthrough With This Sex Scene

While You Were Sleeping: The 10 Biggest Music Moneymakers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Twitter doomed the Republican takeover of Virginia. That's not an exaggeration.

Tom Cruise + Denzel Washington divided by David Cronenberg = The Matarese Circle.

We're not sure who Olivia Munn is, but we'll remember that name now...

A couple of pranksters hacked a Taco Bell drive through speaker and, of course, used it to shout a bunch of random obscenities.

This doesn't sound hot: Anne Hathaway in drag.

There are some surprise entrants in this year's list of the top 10 moneymakers in the music business. Madonna is #1, says Billboard (via Yahoo),

followed... by Bon Jovi with $157.2 million, Bruce Springsteen ($156.3 million), the Police ($110 million), Celine Dion ($99.2 million), Kenny Chesney ($90.8 million), Neil Diamond ($82.2 million), Rascall Flatts ($63.5 million), Jonas Brothers ($62.6 million) and Coldplay ($62.2 million).

The fact that Bon Jovi made more money than Bruce Springsteen says a lot about how bad this country's musical taste runs.

In other Madonna news, that ancient nude photo of her sold for 37 g's.

No Foreplay For You

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While You Were Sleeping: Sean Penn's Pick For Best Actor

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

One of the married Bee Gee's fathered a child with his housekeeper.

Claire Danes is engaged to-- surprise-- one of her ol' co-stars.

Helicopter girl turns out to be a porn star. This would be a post in itself if TMZ hadn't edited out or censored all the good parts.

Italy now has its own Terri Schiavo case. Hopefully, it, too, will spell the beginning of the end of a right-wing dictator-type's stranglehold on a country; in this case, Berlusconi's.

My thirteen-year-old inner self cries at the news of Kristy Swanson's wedding.

Psychologist sex-- it's all the rage.

A relationship with Anne Hathaway seems more appealing by the day...

Being fans of the four-hour Che, we'll side with Sean Penn on this one: he should be up against Benicio del Toro.

Seriously, how did this 70-year-old woman know burglars had sex in her house? Did they leave Polaroids? Condoms? A sex tape? We want to know, damn it.

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Sloppy Seconds: Ellen Degeneres is on the Prowl

Emily Farris — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 23:15:00 GMT

Ellen Degeneres is set on finding Anne Hathaway a new boyfriend. Um, can she find us one while she's at it? [People]

Oh! R. Kelly was married? Could have fooled us. [Us]

What did Martha Stewart say when she walked in on some lesbians having sex in prison? [DailyIntel]

We love this new PlanB commercial. Conservatives? Not so much. [AdAge]

Aaaaaaand the guy who lost the Minnesota state Senate seat is suing him. [Radar]

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Caption This: Anne Hathaway Will Rent as Many Children as She Wants

Emily Farris — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 15:46:00 GMT

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While You Were Sleeping: Emma Watson To Get Naked?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 14:06:00 GMT

Catherine Hardwicke, who ruined it for female directors everywhere by having the biggest opening with the worst movie, will not be invited back for the followup to Twilight.

Jay Leno is sticking around late night after all. He'll host a show in the 10pm slot instead.

For $12,000, you could've had a boatload of fun with Anne Hathaway...

...the day after the Cracked X-mas Fundraiser where the actress auctioned off a drinking date with herself and a few of your close friends, we know that's as good a pick up line as any:
"I'm not usually very forward, but I thought if there was ever a crowd for me to do something like this, this is my crowd so I would like to auction myself off," Hathaway announced, "for drinks somewhere fabulous and basically get you totally s—- faced." Hathaway, 26, was embarrassed when her price kept going up... "Wow, I feel really good right now."

Keanu Reeves will make a brilliant, original, and totally not laughable samurai movie next.

Robin Williams on Sarah Palin. We won't spoil the joke.

A 70-year-old woman in India gave birth after fifty years of trying to have children. This is sure to be the plot of Sex and the City Part XVII.

Emma Watson waited a full eight months of being legal before announcing she's interested in doing a nude scene. Fortunately for you pervs, she wants to do one for Bernado Bertolucci.

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Sloppy Seconds: Frisky's Ten Best Male Nude Scenes List

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 21:45:00 GMT

Roger Ebert ripped Ben Stein a new one again, and much more effectively this time, with a blog entitled "Win Ben Stein's Mind." As one commenter put it, " Should one win Ben Stein's mind, what would one do with it, since it is obviously useless as a functioning organ?"

Jon Hamm & Tina Fey? On 30 Rock, where the best celebrity couplings happen.

The first Best Movies Of The Year awards were given out by the National Board of Review... and the winners are:

Picture: Slumdog Millionaire
Director: David Fincher for ...Benjamin Button
Actress: Anne Hathaway for Rachel Getting Married
Actor: Clint Eastwood for Gran Torino
Supporting Actor: Josh Brolin for Milk
Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz for Vicki Cristina Barcelona

The Frisky came out with their ten best male nude scenes list.

An idiot Republican congresswoman hung up on Obama (twice!) and Rahm Emanuel, just for laughs.

Kristin Stewart as Joan Jett. Yeah, we can picture that.

And Jeremy Piven may be getting married to John Cleese's daughter.

Sean Penn Propositions James Franco for Sex

This Week in Gayness: Gotta Love Them Bathhouses

Sloppy Seconds: Flavor of the Week

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 50-41

Meet the New Anne Hathaway Love Interest; Same as the Old Anne Hathaway Love Interest

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 20:03:00 GMT

Some people just have crappy taste in men and, if the the rumors surrounding her new BF are true, Anne Hathaway is one of those people.

For those of you who don't have a pathetically photographic memory for the details of celebrity love affairs, Anne Hathaway's ex was a fake real estate developer with fake links to a real Vatican. He is in jail now, and apparently is also covered in rats and poop.

But back to Annie. She dated this loser, and now, her new boyfriend Adam Shulman is setting off alarms with her friends.

So say's the SF Chronicle, at least:

Hathaway said at the time of her then-unknown new flame, "You know when you don't know someone very well -- you just meet them and you're like, 'Wow, you really have it going on'?"

But according to a source at the New York Post, 27-year-old Shulman could be the wrong man for the actress, adding: "Adam is known as an opportunist. When he was at Brown (University), he went after all the heiresses. It's like Anne is addicted to losers."

Haters! Just because Shulman chased some heiress tail in college doesn't mean he can't hold up his own end of a relationship with a Hollywood starlet. He had roles in The Dukes of Hazzard movie and a couple episodes of The West Wing, after all. (Research! That's what keeps the creeps out of our bedrooms!) Give the man a chance. Not all smug-looking, gold-digging, social climbers are just out to better themselves. Some might actually be after true love. coughBULLSHITcough

While You Were Sleeping: Nude Photo Hoax

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 15:54:00 GMT

A Dartmouth student won a small county race in New Hampshire after spending $42 for a Facebook ad trumpeting her campaign. The sore loser called the 20-year-old history buff "a teenybopper" and said the student's supporters were "brainwashed."

Anne Hathaway's ex Raffaelo Follieri is such a whimp, he had a lawyer write a letter complaining about prison food.

You're not going to believe this KKK story...

Not only do they kill one of their own, but then they go into a store and ask the clerk how to get blood off their clothes. Stupidest people on earth?

A group of third graders got the gift of a lifetime after visiting a grocery store as part of a school activity: they were all given copies of a book called "How To Change the World For A Fiver," which turned out to include tips on changing all right-- changing sexual positions. (See above photo.)

Whoopi Goldberg is 53 and Mr. Big is 54.

And that Adrienne Bailon nude photo story? About how some ex leaked them? Bullshit-- she did it herself to boost her career. What else is new?

Lizzy Caplan And Her HBO Porn Show Still Terrible, Terribly Hot

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Scanner Highs and Lows: We Might Still Be Hungover From the Best Party Ever

While You Were Sleeping: Jennifer Aniston's Big News

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:40:00 GMT

Janet Jackson canceled the rest of her tour. Wow, she's really going downhill fast, isn't she?

James Bond goes to... Bollywood?

Cheech and Chong want you to vote today. And no, this isn't some Republican trick pulled on our inner-cities.

The National Review, bitter as always, says the youth vote only made up 18% of the total vote. Yes, douceheads, but what about the actual number of youth voters?

And so it begins: the McCain campaign is letting loose on Sarah Palin. My God, if this corrupt and greedy individual had ever become Vice President...

Adam Shulman. Adam Shulman. Adam Shulman-- that's the name of Anne Hathaway's new boyfriend. Curses!

And Jennifer Aniston is pregnant with twins. Little John Mayer's, you think?

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Who Would You Rather: The Anne Hathaway Who Enjoys Anal Sex or The Anne Hathaway Who Doesn't?

While You Were Sleeping: The Sexy Mrs. Freddy Kreuger

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 14:16:00 GMT

We can picture it: a Cleopatra movie starring Catherine Zeta-Jones as the title character and Hugh Jackman as Marc Antony. But a musical? And directed by Steven Soderbergh?

Former White House Press Secretary Scott McClelan endorsed Obama on D.L. Hughley's new show. John McCain really needs a high profile endorsement soon-- really, he needs just about anything and everything soon to turn this thing around. Some observers think McCain could be down to funds of only one million dollars a day... you don't even want to know how that compares to Obama's staggering total.

Although we suspect it to be an exaggeration, this is nonetheless the most shocking HIV scare story we can recall...

Students at a suburban St. Louis high school headed to the gymnasium for HIV testing this week after an infected person told health officials as many as 50 teenagers might have been exposed to the virus that causes AIDS.
Officials refused to give details on who the person was or how the students at Normandy High School might have been exposed...
A teacher in a neighboring district singled out a girl who dates someone at Normandy High and instructed her to get tested, Hochstedler said. A competing school's football team initially balked at playing Normandy's 8-0 team.
Jasmine Lane, a 16-year-old sophomore, said her boyfriend from a neighboring high school broke up with her on learning of the news -- after she bought them tickets to homecoming.
"I cried so hard," she said.

There's nothing positive about this story whatsoever. It has the potential to be an explosive, ongoing saga... we'll keep you posted. (Jasmine, we'll totally fly to St. Louis to go to the homecoming with you.)

Yet another downer: a woman was sentenced to forty years in prison. Her crime? Lighting her boyfriend on fire. His? Not beating up the guy who was checking her out.

Anne Hathaway's ex was sentenced yesterday...

A dashing Italian conman who went out with Hollywood actress Anne Hathaway was sentenced by a court in New York on Thursday to four and a half years in prison for fraud. [Yahoo!]

Note to crackheads: it's easy to get busted for faking crack prescriptions... since there's no such thing as a crack prescription.

And this Halloween costume is pretty stupid. Although, we have to admit, Freddy Kreuger has great taste in women.

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Who Would You Rather: The Anne Hathaway...

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Today in F*ck Yeah: Pacman Halloween Costumes

Because It Isn't Halloween Until a Dog Is Wearing a Tiara

Sloppy Seconds: Which Power Ranger Is Guilty of Murder?

Emily Farris — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 21:54:00 GMT

Feeling like you want to do something about Proposition 8 but aren't a card carrying Calinfornia voter or don't have a million dollars to give? Check out 8 Against 8, a group of eight lesbian bloggers who have launched an eight-day collaborative fundraising drive to help defeat the proposition that, if approved, would overturn the ruling that allows gay marraige in California. [8 Against 8]

What would happen if John McCain hired Wes Anderson to make his ads? [FilmDrunk]

Any idea who Anne Hathaway's sexy new mystery man is? [People]

Oh that Jewel. Now that she's a country star she's such a prankster. She had her tour mate Brad Paisley (who's never done anything wrong in his life, apparently) arrested at an airport. [Us]

Reporter Judith Miller (of going to jail/Valerie Plame fame) has joined the Fox News channel as a contributor. [Yahoo!]

And one of the Power Rangers is guilty of one of the most horrific homicides we've heard about in years. Three homicides, in fact. [People]

Co-Ed Magazine Picks The 52 Best All-Natural Breasts...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 17:52:00 GMT

...in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, of course. Gotta love the shameless ploy...

Here are our ten more-or-less SFW favorites... in no particular order, mind you.

Rosario Dawson

Scarlett Johansson

Monica Belluci

Elizabeth Hurley

Bridget Bardot

Salma Hayek

What, no America Ferrera?

Unfortunately, the 52 listed all big breasted babes. You know what they say about variety, guys: we could have used some smaller boobs on that survey. And another thing: we heard Keeley Hazell's boobs are, in fact, silicone, so we ruled her out even though Co-Ed included her (and at #2!) Read the rest of their list here, which contains NSFW images galore...

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Scanner Highs and Lows: We're This Close to Losing it to Sarah Palin

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 21:29:00 GMT

In a month we'll either get to stop hearing about Sarah Palin forever or we'll be stuck hearing about her for four years. It kind-of feels like that time when you decide you're ready to lose your virginity and just need to find someone to lose it to. You know it's either going to be really great or really terrible, but you just need it to happen already... Right? Anyone?

Highs:

We may have found a man to keep us warm this winter.

And if it doesn't work out with that guy, we might still have a chance with Michael Cera.

If we get really desperate, we got hit on by this guy (even though they guy thought we were Sarah Palin).

We finally got our hands on the Sarah Palin swimsuit competition video.

We were on the local news, and this time there were no microwave dinners in sight.

We heard that Anne Hathaway liked anal. Then that she didn't. Then you told us you like Anal Anne better.

Lows:

We were forced to think of Hugh Hefner as a classy man (damn you, Joe "Boobies" Francis!).

We got in trouble for showing peen and had to take it down. Sorry.

We let ourselves be momentarily amused by Rachael Ray.

We had to listen to Sarah Palin talk for a really long time.

And we saw her nude. Sort of.

This guy gave us nightmares.

We lost a sweet, wonderful, beautiful man.

If Only Tina Fey Would Play Sarah Palin in the Forthcoming Porno

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 17:09:00 GMT

A "major adult studio" is seeking a Sarah Palin lookalike "ASAP' for a forthcoming film.

While we understand this is totally sexist and degrading and whatever other feminist terms we're supposed to throw out there, we'd like to remind you that there have been plenty of political pornos starring men (Eliot Spitzer, anyone?) and, c'mon, who wouldn't want to see Tina Fey doing a naked, over-excited, gyrating Sarah Palin?

C'mon, Tina! There's "no anal required." You could totally do it.

If you're not down, perhaps Anne Hathaway could pass as Palin with the right glasses and updo?

[Craigslist]

Related:

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Who Would You Rather: The Anne Hathaway Who Enjoys Anal Sex or The Anne Hathaway Who Doesn't?

David Letterman Grills Anne Hathaway About Her Criminal Ex

While You Were Sleeping: Which Hollywood Celeb Loves Anal Sex?

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Who Would You Rather: The Anne Hathaway Who Enjoys Anal Sex or The Anne Hathaway Who Doesn't?

Emily Farris — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 20:22:00 GMT

Okay, so it's possible the Internets tricked us into believing Anne Hathaway just loves anal sex. According to the blogosphere, in an upcoming issue of Esquire, Hathaway opens up about her love of anal sex, claiming it makes her feel "feminine in a very special way... every woman should try it, otherwise they miss out on something amazing."

But the kids at Defamer were just as skeptical as some of the ladies here at Scanner were, and contacted Esquire to get to the bottom (pardon the pun) of it. "Absolutely not true," Esquire spokesperson Rhett Usry told the blog. "There is no interview with Anne Hathaway at all in the upcoming issue of Esquire."

As representatives of the Internets, we'd like to apologize for getting your hopes up about Hathaway's love of anal sex. And now we ask you, who would you rather, the dirty girl who loves it or the sweet, innocent pretty, pretty princess?

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Which Hollywood Celeb Loves Anal Sex?

David Letterman Grills Anne Hathaway About Her Criminal Ex

Coming Soon: Nude Photos of Anne Hathaway

While You Were Sleeping: Anne Hathaway and the Cops

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David Letterman Grills Anne Hathaway About Her Criminal Ex

Emily Farris — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 17:39:00 GMT

We used to be kind-of "meh" on Anne Hathaway, but the more time that passes, we think she's just cute as a button. We're a little concerned that she's given up meat and booze, but she still wears leather and eats cheese. All of this on the heels of her split with boyfriend of four years, Raffaello Follieri, hours before his arrest on charges of fraud and money laundering.

"I don't want to go into the specifics but I will say that you do have to give me credit because as far as relationships crashing and burning goes, c'mon, I did pretty great. I mean, scorched that earth."

Video after the jump

Related:

Coming Soon: Nude Photos of Anne Hathaway

While You Were Sleeping: Anne Hathaway and the Cops

Sloppy Seconds: Whose Illegitimate Half Sister is This?

Sloppy Seconds: What Happens to Julia Allison's Nipple Does Not Stay in Vegas

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While You Were Sleeping: Which Hollywood Celeb Loves Anal Sex?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

The leader of the dreaded Taliban in Pakistan is dead. Much to everyone's chagrin, his death is from kidney failure.

This new Dr. Drew sex show isn't going over well. Especially the stuff about Moms and their sons discussing each others' sex lives.

That nonsense about Russia being so close to Alaska? Turns out it's truer than we thought...

Owen Wilson's new addiction? Text messaging.

Sharon Stone is really starting to freak us out. Stop it!

And we were going to wait for the full Esquire feature, but it's taking forever to come out, so we'll just tell you what we know: Anne Hathaway has become the first Hollywood star to publicly praise anal sex:

“Every woman should try it, otherwise they miss out on something amazing.” She adds that anal penetration makes her feel “feminine in a very special way.”

The actress also spoke at length about the significance selecting a trustworthy partner for first time anal encounters.

Via Pop Crunch.

Related:

Spencer Pratt Knows a Thing or Seven About Initiating Anal Sex

Karrine Steffans Asks That You Please Take Your Anal Beads Home With You

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Coming Soon: Nude Photos of Anne Hathaway

While You Were Sleeping: Don't Drink The Drinking Water, People

Girl, Molested By Teacher And Guidance Counselor, Is Kicked Out Of School

Who Tops People's Best Dressed List?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 15:35:00 GMT

While we were completely surprised by People Magazine's pick as the Best-Dressed Star of 2008, we completely agree with their choice.

As for the rest, well...

10. Charlize Theron

9. Eva Mendes

8. Michelle Obama

7. Sarah Jessica Parker Broderick Bradshaw

6. Heidi Klum

5. Kate Hudson

4. Anne Hathaway

3. Fergie

2. Gwyneth Paltrow

1. Rihanna

...what do you think?

Via People.

Related:

Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List: Perfect or Pathetic?

While You Were Sleeping: Obama Narrows His Choices

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While You Were Sleeping: Don't Drink The Drinking Water, People

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 13:26:00 GMT

Poor Anne Hathaway, and we don't mean that in a mocking way: she had to hand over all the lovely jewels her ex gave her... because they were allegedly purchased with stolen funds. (We hate it when that happens.) Meanwhile, the suave gangster paramour of hers faces at least five years in prison and is still in jail, pending a million dollars' bond, and rumored to be working on a plea deal.

If you're a poll kind of person (we're kind of not), here are 19 new ones on the Presidential race. Quickly: McCain leads in Alabama, Georgia, Idaho, and Wyoming; Obama leads in Colorado, Michigan, and Pennsylvania; and they're tied in Nevada, North Carolina, and Ohio.

And who will be the surprise special guest during Michael Phelps' hosting of SNL this weekend?

According to People, Sen. Barack Obama will appear on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps will be guest hosting the show.

Said an Obama spokesman: "The details of the sketch are still being worked out."

We hope it's funnier than the last one, which was super obvious and involved Halloween masks and his "surprise" appearance. Lame.

We're absolutely amazed that someone gave Mariah Carey another movie. Not that we don't like her or anything-- we're just stating the truth.

We still can't get over this story from yesterday's Sloppy Seconds (click here): Lauren Conrad has landed a book deal. Oh my God, what's next, a clothing line?!

And the scariest headline of the morning: Trace drugs found in water could affect 46 million

Headline that sounds scary but thankfully isn't: 9-Year-Old Girl Delivers Baby Brother

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Sloppy Seconds: Lily Allen Would Very Much Like Sir Elton John to F*ck Off, Seriously

Emily Farris — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 21:49:00 GMT

Our not-so-slutty sister thinks that vetting Sarah Palin is like Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but funnier. We would like to take this opportunity to disclose that we have not been fully vetted. [FameCrawler]

At least she passes Elisabeth Hasselbeck's test with flying colors, because you know it's super complicated and makes lots of sense. [MollyGood]

Will celebrities please stop throwing things? First it was Russell Crowe with his cell phone, then Naomi Campbell. Now Akon, probably best known for "Smack That," is facing criminal charges after being accused of throwing a fan off of stage — and we're not talking about the small appliance. [Yahoo!]

If you're a shitty asshole who would like to hunt down women who've had abortions, you may be in luck. Abortion Tracker claims to have a record of every woman who's had an abortion since 1940 and they'll make the list available to you for one easy paymennt of $799. [Jezebel]

Anne Hathaway apparently loaned her businessman ex hundreds of thousands of dollars before the couple split earlier this summer, proving that even rich guys can be loser bums (except, we actually already knew that). [Starpulse]

Even though they ganked our feature, we have to give it to dListed for catching this who would you rather: Dog the Bounty Hunter or his wife, Beth? Um, can we vote for the dog? [dListed]

Of all the people in the world we'd like to tell to "fuck off," Elton John doesn't even come close to making the list. Not so for Lilly Allen who drunkently disrepescted the singer at the GQ Men of the Year Awards. [MTV]

Sloppy Seconds: New Apprentice Set To Be Worst TV Show Ever

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 20:42:00 GMT

If you're a woman in your late twenties and going to have sex with your seventeen-year-old lover, please don't get drunk first. Also, please don't get drunk with your teenage lover, have sex in a train station, and refuse to leave when you are loudly asked to stop fucking each others' brains out over the public address system...

Despite the operator’’s pleas for them to get dressed and desist, the woman of 29 and her boyfriend aged 17 carried on.

In fact, British Transport Police officers had to drive out to arrest the pair and bed them down overnight in cells - separately - before releasing them with cautions the next day.

The incident took place at 11pm at the Wandle Park stop in Croydon, South London.

Even better, the damn lucky bastards got off with merely a night in jail and a strong British scolding. God bless that country...

In other news:

We still can't get over the fact that a woman is named Brooklyn, is hot, and is now getting married to Andy Roddick.

Joe Francis, founder and douche emeritus of Girls Gone Wild, joins rumored co-stars Khloe Kardashian, Joan Rivers, and Dennis The Menace Rodman at the Big Office In The Sky(scraper) on next season's The Apprentice.

Enough trashing of Canada (people, we were kidding yesterday by the way.)

As of the women of the world's military institutions don't suffer enough: one of their male counterparts has been accused of posting nude photos of his fellow female soldiers on the web.

And Anne Hathaway talks politics:

AP: What inspires you about Obama?

"I was kind of afraid of Obama the first time I saw him. I thought, I've been burned by guys like you before. I've been burned by politicians before that I wanted to believe in and just didn't live up to it. And I was afraid to trust him and I was afraid to have hope when I first kind of became aware of him. It was around the time that he gave his speech on race that I just said 'I can't deny how I feel about you, Barack Obama. I want you to be the president. I want you in the White House.'"

Sloppy Seconds: Paul Newman's Diagnosis

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 21:27:00 GMT

The Bible Belt generally frowns on gays... unless there's a beauty pageant involved.

Sting capped off his career with the Police (at least this time) by shaving his beard, live at Madison Square Garden.

Do you think this is a real surveillance video?

How To Beat The Claw Game

There's debate all over the web about that one.

Did you hear about the guy who answered a phone call from the cops during a high speed pursuit and said "Dude, I can't talk, I'm being chased by the police"? Well, maybe he'll be answering his cell with a similar message: "Dude, I can't talk, I'm in fucking jail."

Speaking of the police, the coppers in Hartford, Connecticut sold a man a former squad car loaded with cocaine.

Hell yeah: Anne Hathaway railed against plastic surgery, saying it harms the ability of actors to look their parts. (Then again, there's no way Hathaway will ever need plastic surgery, at least not for another 124 years.)

Paul Newman won't be riding with the Sundance Kid anymore, at least according to New York City doctors. The ancient actor has been given "weeks to live," which we hope turns into at least months, if not years.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Anne Hathaway and the Cops

Coming Soon: Nude Photos of Anne Hathaway

While You Were Sleeping: The Tim Gunn Lawsuit

"This Is The City's Response To A Penis" One of Many Classic Moments From Nude Gallery Raid

While You Were Sleeping: The Last True Supermodel

Coming Soon: Nude Photos of Anne Hathaway

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 18:01:00 GMT

When you date an fraud who manages to get himself arrested for money laundering, public humiliation lurks around every corner. Just ask Anne Hathaway about those naked photos stashed in her boyfriend Raffaello Follieri's "hidden" storage space.

The FBI's got em now. It's only a matter of time before the Internet does too. What can we expect to see in the shots?

The Enquirer assures us they will be worth the wait.

In addition to the naked photos he took of Anne, 25, he also prized a sizzling photo of her in black fishnet stockings, a garter belt and bustier that totally exposed her top. Follieri, 30, supposedly paid a very famous photographer to take that steamy shot.

There ya go perverts. Something to look forward to.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Anne Hathaway and the Cops

Sloppy Seconds: Could We Possibly Love Steve Carell Any More? Yes, Actually.

While You Were Sleeping: The Tim Gunn Lawsuit

While You Were Sleeping: The Last True Supermodel

Sloppy Seconds: Cher's Nightmare

While You Were Sleeping: The Tim Gunn Lawsuit

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:43:00 GMT

The Hiltons are far from thrilled to see the new McCain ad, which compares Obama unfavorably to Paris (huh?) They're right to be offended-- they maxed out to the Republican candidate.

A man with a body in his freezer was arrested preaching in Alabama.

Before you read further, make a prediction: who gave the #1 worst performance by a Model Turned Actress?

According to King Magazine (whatever the hell that is), it's Halle Berry-- but not in "Catwoman," as many would have predicted:

1. Halle Berry in Gothika
2. Cameron Diaz in Any Given Sunday
3. Garcelle Beauvais in Wild Wild West
4. Cindy Crawford in Fair Game
5. Tyra Banks in Coyote Ugly

"Guys and Dolls" is returning to Broadway, with Anne Hathaway or Debra Messing. Laurence Olivier and Benedict Arnold are also on the Producer's list of people to put in the press release to make it look Big Time.

AIDS has made black women an "endangered species."

A 10-year-old boy ratted out his mom for making counterfeit bills.

With all the money television brings in, Tim Gunn, why the hell would you work for free?

Related:

Sometimes Religion Makes People Stupid

While You Were Sleeping: Anne Hathaway and the Cops

I Hate Myself for Loving You: Hayden Paniettiere

While You Were Sleeping: The Last True Supermodel

Sloppy Seconds: Elizabeth Hasselbeck Not Sure What A Vibrator Is For

Scanner Highs And Lows: But If You Are In The Mood...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 22:02:00 GMT

...maybe your sex drive isn't as high as it should be. Maybe you're burnt out from fantasizing about lingerie models. Or maybe you've just been mauled by a crazed grizzly bear.

In any case, you need some refreshment...

Highs:

CNN solved that sex drive problem, ladies. Sort of.

The Daily Show's five sexiest clips turned us on, for sure.

Anne Hathaway, as viewed from the side, caused total computer hardware failure. From drooling on the keyboard.

At least she didn't pick herself: Naomi Campbell named the last true supermodel, and we have to agree with her on the sexiness factor.

Lows:

Snickers didn't bring on a bout of the chuckles.

Ashley Alexandra Durpe couldn't seem to keep it in her pants. We mean... never mind.

Viewed from a distance, Brad Pitt is a) just as sexy or b) a lousy father?

The man eating bears had nothing to do with sex, but they, um, scared the pants off us. Does that count?

The 9/11 thing... got us hot and bothered? Nice try, but not really... mainly just bothered.

There's a 17-year-old girl stripping in Iowa. 17: not acceptable. 18: here's a dollar for your humiliation.

If engaging in fellatio this weekend, take this girl's advice: "Do Not Swallow!"

While You Were Sleeping: Anne Hathaway and the Cops

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:25:00 GMT

Arnold Schwarzenneger took 200,000 people hostage today. It sounds like one of his terrible movies from 1980s but actually, it's part of an ongoing budget crisis in California. Blah.

Headline of the Day: Alba Bans Honor From Acting. If you've ever seen Dark Angel, you will agree with us in saying she may have also banned Talent.

Who is Michelle Williams seeing now that the media won't pounce on her for it?

Michelle Williams has sparked rumours of a new romance with filmmaker Spike Jonze - six months after the death of her ex-fiance Heath Ledger.
The former Dawson's Creek star has been repeatedly spotted with Jonze, the ex-husband of Lost In Translation director Sofia Coppola, near his Manhattan apartment in recent weeks.
The pair first met in 2006 when Williams auditioned for Jonze's film adaptation of the classic children's story Where The Wild Things Are. She won a role, but later withdrew from the project.

Nope, nothing is sacred anymore: MTV is working on a remake of "The Rock Horror Picture Show."

Two Danish lesbians making more than $100K a year lost their lawsuit against the doctor who implanted one of them with two embryos instead of one, thus giving them twins and doubling the cost of child rearing expenses. Yep, they wanted the doctor to pay half their expenses. Apparently forever.

Anne Hathaway's journals may have been seized by the police in their ongoing prosecution of her ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately, this is not the plot of the next "Princess Diaries" movie...

And Lewis Black is, as usual, the go-to-guy for sane insanity in these, well, crazy times.

While You Were Sleeping: The Last True Supermodel

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:31:00 GMT

Anne Hathaway's karaoke song is rather fitting, don't you think?

The incident with his mom and sister was apparently not the only one during Christian Bale's wild Friday.

A list of the top Hollywood bachelors that in any way involves Ryan Seacrest is invalidated automatically.

Guy answers call from the cops on his cell phone by saying: "Dude, I can't talk, I'm being chased by the police," and hanging up.

Speaking of police, they arrested a man for stealing money from a fountain in a Florida mall. His total haul? 42 cents.

You're not gonna believe who Forbes magazine thinks is the best investment in Hollywood. (You were right if you said "whoever it is, it's definitely not Tom Cruise.")

And Naomi Campbell says she wasn't the "last true supermodel":

"Models need to earn their stripes - I just think the term is used a little too loosely.
"Kate Moss is obviously a supermodel but, after Gisele [Bundchen], I don't think there's been one."

Via IMDB.

Related: