Scanner : ashley alexander dupre

You've Got "30 Rock" In My Spitzer Scandal!!!

Bryan Christian — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 18:21:00 GMT

And of course, we have to pause here for one second, because even though we wrote that headline, the first thing we think of when we read it is the tangle of giddy laughter and abject terror that everyone here in New York City would be trapped in were Tracy Morgan to ever attempt to play the adultering, coke-trying, way-TMI-ing new Governor of the State of New York, David Paterson. Don't misunderstand us: all that sex-and-drugs stuff would probably go over like gangbusters. It's the part where Tracy Morgan would be acting blind that would make everyone nervous.

Anyway, we digress. The point of all this was actually that Tina Fey wants "Kristen" to be on 30 Rock. Yeah, this sounds like something that should make our mindgrapes burst with excitement but actually we're kind of "meh" on the idea. Like, there's too many guest stars on the show already -- and it doesn't need guest stars to be funny. Or does it? Hard to say with that truncated second season. Anyway, all we're saying is, Tina: make sure the script is awesome before you commit.

Also: see if there's any beard grayer lying around the office.

An Open Letter to Ashley Alexandra Dupre: We're Gonna Write a Book!

Emily Farris — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 17:48:00 GMT

Dear Ashley,

I know you don't know me, but I'm hoping that you'll take a few minutes out of your busy new schedule to hear what I have to say—you know, a sister-to-sister kind of thing. Hell, I already feel like I've known you for years. And we actually have a lot in common. For example, you're an aspiring hip-hop star. I too, know what it's like to want to be a hip-hop star; I can still do the entire rap from TLC's "Waterfalls." Quite well, I might add. Also, we've both been broke and down and out in the past. You slept a with politician for money and I've joked loudly about it at the bar, drinking on my last dollars, just quite drunk enough to think that maybe if someone heard me and offered I might maybe except probably not because I'm not that kind of girl but maybe I could be if I were drunk and desperate enough but probably not?

Anyway, listen. I know Joe Francis offered you ONE MILLION DOLLARS to show the world your boobies and tell your story to Girls Gone Wild "the magazine," but, sister, he is exactly the kind of guy you want to stay away from. Plus, I have other plans for you.

It doesn't even matter that you were already a girl gone wild. Who hasn't gotten drunk and shown her boobs to a camera? That's in the past, and so is the whole prostitution thing. It's time to put the past behind you. Live in the present, while still profiting off of the past. Your present is really great right now, and you can still get away without looking sleazy or stupid. Because I think you're a smart enough girl. And you sure are pretty.

So far, it seems you're on the right track. You're keeping quiet. Except, what was that whole Post thing about? Have you forgotten we're not too happy with them? What's done is done, though; I don't really have time to focus on that. But no more of that! No more! You hear?? I'm sure you have enough money now to hold you over until your book comes out. Yes! Your book! We'll get to that later. First, here's what we're going to do from this point forward:

1) Do not, under any circumstances, give any interviews to any gossip rags. Not even People, or US Weekly. We all like to look at them while we're taking a crap, but it doesn't mean we should fraternize with them.

2) When "The View" comes knocking, say no. Same for Rachael Ray, "Extra," "Inside Edition," and any other show that is not one of the two I'm about to list.

3) Barbara Walters or Oprah. Not both. But one. Your first interview has to be with one of these women. No. One. Else. (Unless you want us to interview you, because obviously we're the only blog that has your best interests in mind).

4) Give said interview after at least 30 days from today. You need time to recover, and let's be honest, you want to drag this thing out as long as possible. Make people wonder. What do you sound like when you talk? What do you dress like when you're not posing for MySpace pictures? Do you really wear glasses? The world wants to know these things, and the world will wait for the answers.

5) Remember that you're not the bad guy. Eliot Spitzer is the bad guy, sort of. And didn't you, like, not even know who he was until one of your last encounters? That's okay. We can work with that.

6) Most importantly, do not show Joe Francis your boobies. No matter what he says or no matter how much money he offers you. Not because you're not allowed to show your boobies, because I'm sure they're nice, even if they do look really far apart from each other. But if you do show your boobies to the world, you should do it tastefully, in Vanity Fair or something. But not until after your book comes out!

7) Right, so the big kicker to all of this: you're going to write a book! Well, I'm going to help you write it, but still, you're going to write a book. And everyone will read it, the way everyone will go see the "Sex and the City" movie, even if they won't admit to it, the way respectable New York Times readers bought The Post just to see semi-naked pictures of you, and the same way we all sometimes sneak into McDonald's for a double cheeseburger with mayo and fries when we're hungover. Because even more than people want to know what you sound like when you talk, and whether you really wear glasses, and how charming you really are, people want to know about Eliot Spitzer's secret sex life. Did you really toss his salad? How was it dressed? Was he good in bed? Do you feel he respected you or was he all "wham, bam, thank you, ma'am?" I'm still working on the title, and I'm sure you don't even need a book proposal; publishers will be knocking down your door in days, if they're not already. And I'm just the kind-of young, fresh, sexually liberated voice you need to be ghost writing this thing for you. Keep it in mind. You can always reach me at scanner@nerve.com.

And remember, Ashley: you're not the bad guy, or girl as it were. I might be, a little, for trying to profit off of this, but who isn't? And like I said, I definitely have your best interests at heart. Really, I do. You'll make way more money off of this than I will. Email me!

Love,

Your Sister and New BFF Scanner Emily

XOXO

P.S. KIT!

Girl Gone Wild: The Ashley Alexandra Dupree Video

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 16:11:00 GMT

Rarely has a story ever been so nauseating... or appropriate for Scanner: an eighteen-year-old girl, subjected to the whims of Girls Gone Wild douchebag and ex-con Joe Francis, is exploited, celebrated, then ditched when her usefulness gets stale. The teenage girl goes on to become a Julia Roberts/"Pretty Woman" prostitute-- well paid but nevertheless a streetwalking cheetah with a heart full of napalm. A runaway soul. And eventually the fatal flaw in the rise and fall of the former First Jewish President of the United States...

Now Girls Gone Wild is selling a nudie video or two of our favorite Republican plant in the State House. The New York Post has a censored overview of the material; really, what more do you need to see of this overexposed star? Can't we leave her alone to her music career?

Hold it-- you do want to see more? Well, if someone wants to waste $29 to become a GGW member, download the offending material, and somehow get it to us via an embed code... we will reluctantly post it.

In the meantime, here are some more pics from the video.

Previously: Sloppy Seconds...

Photos/links via the New York Post.

Who Would You Rather? Ashley Alexandra Dupre vs. "Kristen"

Emily Farris — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 14:40:00 GMT

Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer was perfectly happy with call girl "Kristen," but the world has since fallen in love with Ashley Alexandra Dupre. So, who would you rather? Ashley Alexandra Dupre, the Jersey girl with dreams of hitting it big on the hip hop scene or "Kristen" the anonymous "beautiful educated companion of fine family and career background," one of The Emperor's Club's "fashion models, pageant winners, and exquisite students, graduates and women of successful careers." To consider: anonymous tryst in which you might get your salad tossed, high price tag, the possibility of contracting Charlie Sheen cooties, being subjected to amateur hip hop music and MySpace messages. P.S. Use our new voting widget after the jump!

Did Eliot Spitzer Get Charlie Sheen's Sloppy Seconds?

Emily Farris — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 13:03:00 GMT

Did Charlie Sheen also hire "Kristen," Eliot Spitzer's high class hooker? And more importantly, does Sheen really have a cheerleader fetish?

One pimp claims that yes, he sent Kristen to Sheen's house on at least one occasion, and on that particular occasion she and another woman dressed as cheerleaders and chanted "Charlie, Charlie, he's our man. If he can't do it, nobody can!" If that's true, we assume they also had hot, threesome, cheerleader sex.

But Sheen, who has admitted to hiring prostitutes in the past, is denying the story that first broke in the UK. A publicist for Sheen said, "Problem with the report was the alleged cheerleader incident, if it ever even happened, was 15 years ago. So the story is not true."

So what you're saying is he really does have a cheerleader fetish?

[FoxNews: Charlie Sheen Denies Report He Hired Spitzer Hooker, Asked Her to Dress as a Cheerleader]

More Sex in Politics, Please

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 18:56:00 GMT

We'd forgotten what wicked entertainment a good political sex scandal is (remember the 90's: Gingrich, Packwood, Bob Dole and his Viagra boners, and... there was one more... what are we missing?) In light of that one last week with that prostitute-turned-two-hit-wonder, we're feeling the cold sweats, the itchy neck, the delerium tremens of a renewed addiction to political porkings. The details are vague, but that's okay, because there are more in the works already to whet your proverbial palettes.

Former NJ Governor and self-outing homosexual James McGreevey and his wife are about to go through the most painful divorce in the TMI age. An ex-aide to the then-Gov. has spoken publicly about his threesomes with the Gov. and his wife, although he says there appeared to be few signs that he was there were for, um, the gentleman's amusement. The couple allegedly called these trysts, one of which began at a local TGI Friday's (that place just got a bump in credibility), "Friday Night Specials."

This has gotta hurt Dina's case a bit-- after all, her grounds for divorce are based on the idea that she couldna wouldna shouldna known.

In other news:

Perhaps to prevent drunken groping on St. Patrick's Day, Virgina is banning nipples.

And no, we're not done with Ashley Alexandra Dupree yet. The girl is the page count gift that keeps on giving for newyorkpost.com: Ashley was previously engaged to an upstanding limo company owner, now exiled to Florida, who can't believe she's gone so far off the deep end as to bang Eliot Spitzer following their breakup. (Man, that's gotta make him feel attractive. We found his phone number, if you want to call him and wish him better luck with his next fiancee.)

Ashley Alexandra Dupre: The Last Nude Hurrah

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 15:30:00 GMT

Did Ash sign a contract with the New York gossip rags to pose nude for them every day? It sure seemed that way over the last week. Well, the fun we've been having waking up in the morning to rampant nakedness at the newsstand appears to be over, with one final photo for the Post...

1) Over the weekend, smut peddler/First Amendment hero Larry Flynt offered the skanksta 1,000,000 American pounds if she would spread her legs... in his pages. Why doesn't he just pay her what he has in his wallet and get this whole thing over with? After all, the below photo is enough for us-- we don't need much more.

2) Ashley's friends are helping her lay low, which probably means no more jetting to Midtown to take nude photos like the one below.

3) She may be turning into a respectable recording artist. Even ig'nant record execs must be foaming at the mouth at the popularity, however kitsch, over her songs on the internet. As her vocal coach puts it in a MySpace comment:

"We wIll bE on yoUr side forever these events reinforce the poWer of mUsic to overcome obstacles in our lives."

Judging by the quality of said music, these events also reinforce the poWer of mUsic to BEcome obstacles in our lives. Barf.

4) Spitzer and his soon-to-be-estranged family are in hiding these days. Without their mopey mugs at more news conferences, the press is likely to go sniffing elsewhere for fresh blood, with their interest in Ash dissipating in the process. Perfect time for her to hit the nudie mags up for a million bucks, just as she senses the public's attention waning.

In any case, we can at least enjoy the below photo and speculate on why her boobs look so weird in every picture we've seen:

Previously: Client 9's Date Revealed... And She's Worth The $4,300, Sloppy Seconds: Eliot Spitzer's Lady Friend Can Rock Your World Too; and Ashley Alexandra Dupre To Get Naked?

[Photos: New York Daily News]

Ashley Alexandra Dupre To Get Naked?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 18:00:00 GMT

As if teasing the publishers of Penthouse and Playboy, Ashley Alexandra Dupre, the most famous hooker of the week, is butt-naked on the cover of today's New York Post. The "aspiring singer," a charge as yet unproved, had five million hits on her MySpace page yesterday, prompting some dumbass who doesn't want to make any money to take it down.

The whirlwind of publicity that made Ash an overnight star may, however, have unintended consequences... such as subjecting us to a music video (see below.)

Radar and the Huffington Post speculate on whether "Kristen" will hit the of your favorite bodega nudie mag ASAP:

Penthouse publisher Diane Silberstein tells Radar that she'd be "very, very interested" in talking to anyone who had naked pics of Dupré, particularly if said pics were taken recently and of good quality. "We've already discussed some options--obviously, we'd be thrilled if we could land an exclusive," Silberstein says....When asked for a ballpark dollar amount the magazine would be willing to shell out, Silberstein said that any negotiation between the magazine and Dupré would be kept confidential.

A representative of Playboy told the Huffington Post, "We are not commenting on the Spitzer girl or what her photos would be worth at this time," though a source at the magazine reportedly told Radar that she could fetch somewhere in the "high six figures" for posing in the magazine.

As for those godawful songs, we're thinking that they could actually help make her the new Paris Hilton. The media is desperate for new angles and stories of girls gone wild, and with Paris seemingly toning it down a little, Ash could easily step up to the proverbial plate.

Now, for the video: Scanner Brian is pretty sure he saw this being filmed a while back and he laughs at its amateurish production even now.