Scanner : baby daddy

50 Cent Releases Sex Tape To Attack Rap Rival

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 20:04:00 GMT

Never one to cede the spotlight to other rappers for any reason, 50 Cent has released a sex tape, ostensibly to continue his beef with Rick Ross, who is also an allegedly-famous person.

The sex tape is too XXX, even for us, and so we were only able to make it through this part...

50 appears in the opening of the video as some sort of Madea ripoff known as Pimpin' Curly. Here is his eloquent introduction, according to someone who must have the hearing of a Whisper 2000:

“Yo, check this shit out, man. I’m-a show you my bitch, man. Here go your baby mama, Ricky. Double R? Does that stand for Rick Ross in the middle of her muthafuckin' chest, man? Oh, this is cold blooded man,” he adds. “I told niggas I was the beast from the east man. They thought I was bullshittin'. I ain’t bullshittin' no mo', man. 1 minute and 30 seconds, nigga. You see the tape. It only been on for 1 minute and 30 seconds.”

“I want you to watch this on your tour bus, Ricky. I want you to watch this on your motherfuckin' tour bus, Ricky.
"Now, how the fuck you gonna say you a boss and you run a..." All right, you know what? We don't need any of this nonsense.

Here's a taste of the tape... followed by the alleged tape itself. Again, we didn't even make it past the beginning, so who knows how bad it gets? You've been warned.

Well, was it worth 13-and-a-half minutes of your time?

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Salma Hayek Has Completed the Fameball Trifecta

Emily Farris — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 21:08:00 GMT

One: Salma Hayek rocks 30 Rock as Alec Baldwin's love interest.

Two: Salma Hayek lets an African baby suckle her ample teet.

Three: Salma Hayek marries her baby daddy and French millionaire, Francois-Henri Pinault, on Valentine's Day.

According to French magazine Le Point, as translated by People.com, Hayek, 42, married Francois-Henri Pinault, 46, on Saturday (Valentine’s Day) in the City Hall of the Sixth Arrondissement in central Paris, which is owned by Pinault’s family.

Well played, Salma.

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Sloppy Seconds: Joe The Plumber's New Homeland Security Gig

Emily Farris — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 22:52:00 GMT

We can't think of anything more unAmurrrican than George W. Bush pardoning an eagle killer. Okay, we can, but still... [Gawker]

Hugh Jackman's wife was totally cool with him kissing Nicole Kidman. [Us]

Who was totally not cool on David Letterman last night. [Jezebel]

Stephanie from Full House's baby daddy (who is not from Full House but from the real world but that that Real World) has made an emotional plea for Stephanie, er Jodie Sweetin, to bring back the couple's 7-month-old daughter. Sweetin and Cody Herpin split recently, and Jodie took the kid. [Radar]

Amy Winehouse is back in the hospital after an adverse reaction to "medication." [Yahoo!]

As Wonkette so smartly stated, "Joe the Plumber's life officially becomes off-putting David Lynch film." Joe, er Samuel Wurzelbacher, is apparently now doing tacky commercials for some cheap electronics company. And it's really sad. But, hey, at least he has a job, right? A job protecting the public safety of the united states during the digital TV transition. For real. [Wonkette]

Caption This: Dad to Britney "_________"

Emily Farris — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 20:23:00 GMT

[Image]

Jenna Jameson Wants a Baby In Her. Right Now.

Emily Farris — Fri, 23 May 2008 20:19:00 GMT

That's right gentlemen, this here porn star is so inspired by Angelina Jolie that she wants a baby inside that beautiful belly of hers, like, right now.

Oh, but sorry, guys. She already has a baby daddy picked out.

While Jameson has no plans to marry her boyfriend Grape Ape any time soon, she wants him to plant his seed in her as quickly as he possibly can.

"I think I’m gonna stay unmarried, and just go for the babies!” Jameson, 34, told Usmagazine.com at Maxim’s Hot 100 bash in L.A. Wednesday. “I’m following in Angelina’s footsteps!

“We’re trying for a baby, so hopefully in the next couple of months!” she added.

Why is she so over saying “I Do?”

“Two failed marriages,” she said. “[Marriage] is really just a piece of paper.”

Sorry we got your hopes up and then crushed them.

[via CelebWarship]

EXCLUSIVE: Scanner Reveals Minnie Driver's Baby Daddy

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 May 2008 19:12:00 GMT

For the first time. An exclusive. A world premiere event.

Minnie Driver, at six months pregnant and due this summer, has so far refused to reveal the name of her baby's father, but has dropped enough clues that our state of the art investigation network (i.e. Google) has cracked her secret code...

The only clues Driver will offer about the identity of her "baby daddy" are that he is English, and "sort of in the same business," and that they have evaded detection because "he's really busy, like me." [Independent UK]

Hmm... he is "sort of" in the same business... no, Danny Molder is taken, ruling out any possibility he could be on the other side of the camera. So, he's an actor. We rule out any other logical possibilities (like the fact that she's a musician as well, so he could be involved in music.)

"He is English." Ian McKellan? Impossible. Patrick Stewart? Nope. Blake Fielder-Civil? Unusual, but very probable. Seriously, she just narrowed it down to two people-- and Daniel Radcliffe was probably not even legal yet, so that rules him out. Nope, ladies and gentlemen, there is only one more remaining candidate... someone you all know and love... someone who is an admitted lesbian... well, a lesbian in the form of a straight man who wears drag and sleeps exclusively with women... someone who is so powerful and dangerous that Minnie Driver dare not speakest his name... the next British Prime Minister...

Yes, Eddie Izzard. We're pretty sure. Although if we're wrong, well just change this post and insert the correct male person's headshot here... or just paste it over Eddie's face. Either way, you heard it here first.