Scanner : bands

While You Were Sleeping: The Top Gunning Lesbian

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 16:09:00 GMT

Great news, everybody, swine flu has not affected The Real World: Cancun.

This time, Sean Penn is the one to file for a separation.

A high school marching band member fended off a robber with her baton.

Check out the senior citizen sisters' heroin operation.

A teen prostitute in Sweden claims she was forced to have sex with over 500 men.

Elizabeth Edwards says her husband John should not have run for President a second time, especially after that whole idiotic affair fiasco thing.

A FEMA coloring book features a 9/11 image.

David Blaine is teaching Mia Farrow how to starve herself for publicity.

And Kelly McGillis came out of the closet.

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While You Were Sleeping: Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape Is Inspiring to Young Girls?

Erykah Badu's Stalker

Colleen Kane — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 18:36:00 GMT

Erykah Badu kept everyone (including Scanner Brian) waiting for her free show at SXSW last week, but she had a good reason. Some obsessive wack job was camped out outside her house.

She twittered it, too, under her handle "fatbellybella": "Police just apprehended a stalker in front of my house. Stay tuned to details."

Here are some of those details...

Driving to Austin now. Just got on road .. Had to file police report .

Poor chic is apparently sick . I feel so awful . Police pepper sprayed her and cuffed her .

White woman mid to late 20's had visited my home 3 or so times . Brought w/ her weird writtings .

I was kind to her first 3 times . I knew something was off . She was wearing a dilla shirt today .

When I came outside she had flowers lined up in front of my house and had spray painted the no parking sign with a peace symbol .

She had several misc. Items spread out in the grass . Blue shutters, a rabbit, a tucan , and a sketch book...

I'm gonna be late for my show ... Messing around with her .

Passing thru Waco now...with dilla played loud .

So .. The lady came to the house 1st time today around 1pm .. After light threats from me and fam she left . Was parked ok the grass in front of my house

So she comes back 30 Min later .. By this time I feel violated for real .. Cause o girl wasn't threatened at all .

Had no choice but to put the ipolice In it . Tried to reason . I felt so bad for her and her dog .

When she saw cops she took off running behind neighbors house
... Obviously she had been to jail b4 cause she wanted no parts of that

By this time there were 6 cop cars , ambulance and a fire truck ..

3 officers chased her on foot whole we all watched .

She finally comes " walking " calmly around corner toward one cop car with that big ass dog

Cop snatched her hand behind her back and she began resisting violently..

Damn I'm late

Hold on my people .

... Anyhow, all I could think of while all this is going on is .. I'm gone be on media take out .. LOL

... Or bossip.com

Scanner Brian adds: "It seemed strange that no one mentioned she would be late. Her group came out without her, late already, kept chanting her name and then abruptly left the stage right at 8pm. The lights went down, so everyone left, angry. As we were at the exit gate, Badu suddenly took the stage, played two songs, and disappeared again. Apparently, they had run out of time and still had to get Explosions in the Sky onstage. Oh well, whatever."

When cops pepper-sprayed, then arrested the fan outside Badu's house, the stalker had arranged various items, like blue shutters, a rabbit, a toucan and a sketch book. Ummm, we would have called the cops, too.

Related:

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Sloppy Seconds: The Body Found Outside of Paula Abdul's Home

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SXSW In Review: The Best Worst Week

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 14:19:00 GMT

Scanner Colleen is a spoiled brat. That's all we're going to say about this photo, which we reluctantly captured for her.

After a week in Austin, we're at Scanner Emily's in Kansas City, Missouri, en route to New York. You can practically smell the burnout on our clothes-- or maybe that's the three-day-old B.O.

Either way, we're exhausted for a 12+ hour drive through most of the state of Texas, all of Oklahoma and Kansas, and finally a quick hop over the Missouri border into Kansas City. Amazingly, Emily drove every inch of the way, including several stretches without the coffee IV in her arm. Along the way, we listened back to all the free music we'd obtained-- and here's what we discovered...

To me, at least, these were the five best acts and/or shows we stood through during Austin's South By Southwest 2009 Music Conference.

Richard Swift - we had just arrived at the Bust Party when this up-and-coming crooner/rocker took the stage at the Mohawk. We all planned to hit the bar and clean them out of Lone Star and/or Shiner Bock when Swift kicked into high gear. (Watch a song from his performance here.) Speaking for myself, I forgot my original first priority and the fact that Bishop Allen were playing next and just stood on the balcony, transfixed by the funky, sweet, and tightly-wound opening performance.

Harlem Shakes - We were at Maggie Mae's, thinking We Were Promised Jetpacks were playing. As the Jetpacks hit the stage, our first thought was, "Man, I think I had them confused with another band-- they're rockin', but something's different. A new lead singer?" It turned out, I had misread the Maggie Mae's poster and I was actually seeing Harlem Shakes, which I only realized after standing through the entire set, knowing I was seeing a true breakthrough performance. I'm glad I did.

M. Ward - Years ago, we saw M. Ward open for Cat Power at the Warsaw in Brooklyn. It was altogether-- and to this day-- the worst concert we've ever seen. Ward played a droning series of piano ballads and seemed lost. Chan came out later on and actually was lost-- wandering into a Jim Morrison-like abyss from which she finally emerged a few years later to become the great stage presence we heard through the hair in her face that night. So, it was with great reluctance that we attended BrooklynVegan's party headlined by Ward, lately of She & Him. Within seconds, we had realized two things: 1) Ward continues to distance himself from his audience and 2) the echo added to his vocals, the catchy new songs, and, most of all, the choice of acoustic guitar over piano made for a dramatic about-face from the 2003 (?) show in New York. Check out his latest record and the instantly catchy "For Beginners."

Ken Haddock - for most of the week, we enjoyed free lunches at Latitude 30's British Music Showcase. None of the performers we saw topped our first show-- that of a group of ragtag Belfast folkies hoping for their own little Once deals. Haddock was our favorite, and someone would be wise to cover his songs ASAP.

Thao with the Get Down Stay Down - I actually missed their show in the park, but Emily filled us in with some mp3s yesterday. The band, which isn't as (yet) popular as their tour mates Rilo Kiley, seem tighter and more focused than that other California band. Perhaps Thao isn't as distracted by solo projects as Jenny Lewis. Perhaps-- hate to say it-- their music is just better.

There were plenty of notable bands and memorable moments: our friends the Crystal Stilts... the surprise of seeing Dinosaur, Jr. for free at 1:30am at the Bust party... even saving Sylvain Sylvain's cell phone before he was to play with the New York Dolls. But those five artists mentioned above are the ones we came away with expecting we'll be bragging about for the next 12 months.

You should check out their music and do the same.

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While You Were Sleeping: Clit-Pumpin' Glory

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 14:42:00 GMT

An 83-year-old woman in Hungary warms our hearts by continuing to work in her chosen career: crime.

Amy Fisher is going on that rumored stripping tour.

There's a penis in Grand Theft Auto IV! Guess they have to do something to offset the rampant exploitation of women.

Funniest headline of the day: "'Clinton Lays Out Broad Asian Agenda'. This headline makes sense no matter how you arrange the words."

Try the clit pump-nasal spray combo for mind-blowing female orgasms!

How can you not love Sam Donaldson after this clip from a Wonkette/Gawker interview he did?

Jane's Addiction is back... and Nine Inch Nails says goodbye.

The Democrats in Congress are enjoying a rare boom in popularity thanks to the stimulus.

Check out the hamburger dress. Actually, don't bother.

Yay for Dita Von Teese, who insists she'd chose her stripping career over a man any day.

You should read this MTV story about the Lily Allen-Perez Hilton Twitter spat only because it's hilariously sad.

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Pic via Drunken Stepfather

Top 10 Bands That Twitter

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 22:51:00 GMT

Celebrities are becoming addicted to this horrible twat service, Twitter. If Britney Spears (allegedly) breaks her Salinger-like silence by using the free website to communicate with humans (ex-husband K-Fed doesn't count, seeing how he is a zombie), then is there nowhere for Twitter to go?

10. Rilo Kiley

Rilo Kiley in Legos >> http://tinyurl.com/234ch7

9. Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

Excited for tonight. Jarvis [Cocker? -- Ed.] is coming by with daiquiri mix and a cardboard cutout of himself. You still up for a jam session, @andylevy?**

8. The Eagles of Death Metal

I love this tweezy thing.

7. The Dave Matthews Band

I wonder if snail farts smell if you're close enough to the snail's asshole to smell something so tiny?

6. Pearl Jam

wonders if Britney Spears having a Twitter is a jump-the-shark moment.

5. Ryan Adams and the Cardinals

Uploading new YouTube Holiday Hotel Jam of "Two"!
P.S. 2000 Followers! Thanks!

4. The Raconteurs

Vote for "Old Enough" on CMT Pure's 12-Pack Countdown http://tinyurl.com/p67st

3. AC/DC

Big announcement 1 or 2 weeks away..

2. R.E.M.

What song do you most want to hear the band do tonight? #rembowl Reply back to @remhq
Michael Stipe's 4th set of responses are up on popsongs - http://tinyurl.com/42rh4r

1. Sonic Youth

another one mixed : no way. are we done? a few fix-ups yet to work on tonight. work on the artwork is continuing.
"no, i wanna see the hairy gonads hanging fr yamaha spkrs"

Hopefully, next week's Top 10 list of our favorite musicians that Tweet will be more exciting. (Actually, we already know Tom Waits and Willie Nelson will be on there, so that's gotta count for something.)

Honorable Mention: The Beastie Boys and Guns 'N Roses. Both groups signed up for Twitter and have yet to make any updates.

**We acknowledge the Nick Cave Twitter is most likely a parody, yes.

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Today is the Day the Music Died

"No Brown M&M's": At Last, The Truth...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:42:00 GMT

We always scoffed at references to and jokes involving the infamous story of Van Halen and "the brown M&Ms." If friends say, "No brown M&Ms, please," we always rolled our eyes. "Oh man, that's the oldest joke in the books," we'd mutter. "And it isn't even true."

Turns out, the Smoking Gun has proof that it is true... and that the rest of the rock band's famous 53-page concert rider turns out to be just as obnoxious...

The band has always claimed that their absurd demands were to ensure the promoters did not phone in production of the event-- "the M&M provision was included to make sure that promoters had actually read its lengthy rider. Van Halen surmised that more important aspects of a performance--lighting, staging, security, ticketing--may have been botched by an inattentive promoter." Or so says The Smoking Gun.

What, if there were no brown M&M's, David Lee would turn to Eddie and say, "That's it, the concert's off-- these people clearly aren't going to have put together an incredible light show. Fuck the fans, we're outta here"? Sounds to us that, like Axl Rose, it just gave these guys an excuse to throw a tantrum if one of these 80 million demands was overlooked-- and overlooked by a nervous underling, we might add. (Do they really think the promoters themselves go out and buy the M&M's from Walgreens?)

Via the Smoking Gun.

University of Wisconsin Disappears Into A Haze Of Substance Abuse And Good Times!

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 15:40:00 GMT

The entire-- yes, every last member-- of the University of Wisconsin marching band has been suspended indefinitely as part of an investigation into the sexual and alcoholic abuse going on among its makeup.

This isn't the first time these "damn kids!" have been in trouble with authority figures...

According to NBC Sports:

In February 2007 the marching band’s assistant director Michael Lorenz resigned after an internal report criticized his treatment of a female colleague during a rowdy band trip to Michigan in 2006.
Reports of band members’ hazing, alcohol use and inappropriate sexual behavior prompted the university to put the band on probation after the trip.
Then-Chancellor John Wiley threatened band members with losing performance and travel privileges.
Wiley, in an October 2006 letter to Leckrone, called band members’ behavior “boorish to patently dangerous and unlawful.”

Apparently, no one has ever seen Animal House. Comparatively, this is a Bible retreat... although God only knows what deviant sexual activities go on after the witching hour at one of those events.

Meanwhile, back to Wisconsin... the charges against the 2008 marching band edition include "hazing, alcohol abuse and sexual misconduct," according to officials at the University. Unfortunately, they were unwilling to divulge any more juicy details, but we can use our imaginations... just like we did after seeing American Pie with Alyson Hannigan and her band camp escapades...

Related:

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While You Were Sleeping: Mischa Barton Can't Keep Her Clothes On

Thank You Science, for Teaching Us That Coca-Cola Explodes Sperm

HIV Outbreaks Started Much Earlier Than Previously Thought

Justin Timberlake: Bringing Matrimony Back? (File Under: Jessica Biel May Be Off the Market)

Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 14:28:00 GMT

Justin Timberlake whisked his lady love, Jessica Biel, away to Rome for the weekend to ask one very important question.

Before a romantic lunch date overlooking a lake, Justin visited a jewelry store in Rome. The small hole-in-the-wall store named Nicla Boncompagni at Via Vittorio 4, famous for vintage pieces, sold JT a multi carat diamond engagement ring and a diamond encrusted bracelet. Both items according to staff inside the store are intended for Jessica.

Believe it or not, we actually have a lot of respect for JTimb. He transformed himself from a geeked-out, bleached-out boy band member to someone we'd happily make out with at a cocktail party. We wish them the best, and hope his ex, Cameron Diaz, helps herself to a nice, strong drink today.

[Faded Youth: BREAKING NEWS: JUSTIN PROPOSED TO JESSICA!!!]

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