Scanner : beauty pageants

Sloppy Seconds: Wanda Sykes Has Twins

Emily Farris — Wed, 13 May 2009 22:22:00 GMT

Nicole Ritchie and Joel Madden are having a boy. [FadedYouth]

For the third time in a row a woman is The Biggest Loser. [People]

Ricky Gervais + Bambi = the best thing we've seen and heard all day. [BuzzFeed]

Shanna Moakler has resigned as Miss California pageant director in the wake of the Carrie Prejean opposite-boob-marriage scandal. [Us]

Say what? Wanda Sykes just became the mother to twins? We had no idea that she and her wife were expecting, but on April 27, the couple welcomed a son and daughter. [People]

Christian Gay Porn Star Going to Hell, But First Will Be Really Really Internet-Famous

Drew Grant — Mon, 11 May 2009 16:30:00 GMT

So remind me how this works: 22-year old John Gechter a.k.a. porn industry bottom Vincent Desalvo was caught fooling with the wrong gender in a number of films in order to pay his college tuition fee to the Christian Grove City College, and now the college is suspending him out for he "exhibited behavior contrary to the values" of the college. Ironically, he was recognized in his films by another male student, who for some reason isn't getting kicked of school. Meaning that watching gay porn is totally in the spirit of this Bible boot camp, but being caught taking dick instead of communion is not. But wait, there's more!

Meanwhile he's gaining star power through his newfound infamy, and his star is rising faster than Judy Garland. Even Gawker is obsessed with him, which propels his micro-fameballing into a level thought only to exist with Sasha Grey. So while a tipster comments that he should do a "straight for pay" video with Carrie Prejean as penance for his sins, we think that punishment is too harsh. We'll give him to Sasha, or at least someone whose a little less drag-dom than Miss California.

Related:

Miss California Carrie Prejean Nude Pics?

Crazy "Opposite Marriage" Lady Strikes Back

Sloppy Seconds: Free Boobs!

Carrie Prejean May Lose Her Crown, Keep Her Free Opposite Boobs

Emily Farris — Wed, 06 May 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Yesterday Miss California Carrie Prejean—otherwise known as Opposite Marriage Lady or Free Boob Lady—defended her position on the sanctity of "opposite marriage" in what we presume was a ghost-written statement. And now it looks like her ghost writer is going to have a lot more work coming his or her way if Prejean thinks she's going to get herself out of this one.

As we mentioned more than once, Miss Prejean ~~allegedly~~ saw fit to pose for a few ~~alleged~~ nekkid pictures that surfaced on the Interwebs yesterday. But beauty queens having a few nude pictures in their portfolios is old news (hey, hey, hey, Vanessa Williams!) and while they could cost Prejean her crown—~~you know, if the allegations prove to be true~~—what the directors of Miss California USA are really upset about is the fact that she's speaking out against gay marriage.

Unfortunately, it's not because they just love the gays or equal rights or anything other than bleach and self-tanner. No, it's because Prejean's work with NOM (the National Organization for Marriage) may violate her pretty pink contract.

Before the ladies participate in the swimsuit and talent competitions, all contestants are required to sign a 12-page contract prohibiting whoever (whomever? we never got that one...) holds the title of Miss California from making personal appearances, giving interviews or making commercials without explicit permission from pageant officials. And since being named runner-up at the Miss USA pageant, Prejean not only made televised appearances at her church but, as we all know, became a spokesperson for "opposite marriage," in a very official way.

"There is a contract that all participants sign that is very involved and very intricate and limits a lot of their activities," Keith Lewis, co-director of the California contest, said.

If her crown is revoked, at least she gets to keep her free boobs. We hope.

[ABC: Topless Photos of Miss California Could Cost Her Crown]

Related:

Miss California Carrie Prejean Nude Pics?

Crazy "Opposite Marriage" Lady Strikes Back

Sloppy Seconds: Free Boobs!

How To Piss Off Perez Hilton

Miss California Carrie Prejean Appears In New Anti-Gay Marriage Ad

Sloppy Seconds: Free Boobs!

Emily Farris — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 23:36:00 GMT

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has a penchant for pretty women (what politician doesn't?). And it's a source of "suffering" for his wife, Veronica Lario, she wrote in an open letter. [Yahoo!]

Simon Cowell joked that he's "secretly in love" with fellow American Idol judge Paula Abdul. And we wouldn't be all that surprised if he jerked off to the "Cold Hearted Snake" video back in the day... or if he still does. [Us]

After her double mastectomy, breast cancer survivor Christina Applegate says she still feels sexy, especially because her boyfriend, Dutch bass player Martyn Lenoble loves her "from head to toe." [People]

Is there no more bromance in the world? Chace Crawford is apparently looking to move out of the pad he shares with Gossip Girl co-star Ed Westwick. [PageSix]

Everyone can stop worrying about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. They're taking the necessary precautions to prevent catching swine flu (the swine flu?) while on their honeymoon in Mexico. Whew. We know we'll sleep better tonight knowing they're okay. [MTV]

Did California pageant officials buy homophobic Miss California, Carrie Prejean, new breasts? And if so, how do we get some? [Defamer]

Sloppy Seconds: Snipped Here, Screwed There

Three Beauty Queens Walk Into a Rental Office....

Emily Farris — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 15:09:00 GMT

What's life in an apartment full of beauty queens like? Well, if you, like us, imagine hell to have pink walls and stuffed animals everywhere, we'd say it's probably kind-of hellish. But if the idea of living in a 50's sitcom is appealing, come on in.

Miss Universe, Miss USA and Miss Teen USA share an apartment in Midtown Manhattan. And if you'd think it's full of cat fights or topless pillow fights or at least a little Hills action, think again.

What do these three bicker over?

Scone crumbs, that's what.

One morning, Miss USA rolled her eyes at Miss Teen USA as she used a napkin as a plate for her breakfast scone so she wouldn't have to wash a dish.

Piqued by the scorn from her fellow pageant winner, Perry responded with a little gossip about Stewart.

"Did you know that she almost caught the house on fire?" she says, referring to an incident involving a chicken pot pie and the microwave.

Unfortunately, folks. That. Is. All.

[NYDN: At home with the Misses: How 3 beauty queens share one apartment]

Related:

Sarah Palin Proves that Sparkles are Just as Important as Foreign Policy Experience

Beauty Queens are People, Too

Mean Girls: Dietician Monica Grenfell

Kristen Wiig May Never Get Her Chance to Play Sarah Palin

Emily Farris — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 16:28:00 GMT

Okay, we lied earlier this week when we said other than Tina Fey there was no one better to play Sarah Palin than Kristen Wiig. Boy, were we wrong!

It appears that Ms. Alaska herself will make an appearance on Saturday Night Live.

Word has it Palin will be on the show THIS WEEKEND. Considering we don't have TiVo, we're canceling all of our plans, putting on our prettiest pretty, pretty princess dress and the tiara that our friend, the homecoming queen, gave us to wear to prom, and sitting down with a big bowl of moose jerky to watch this shit.

Please, sweet baby Lord Jesus Christ, let her re-enact the swimsuit competition. Please!

Related:

In This Particular Case, We Don't Wish Kristen Wiig Well

If Only Tina Fey Would Play Sarah Palin in the Forthcoming Porno

"Vote in the Box" Not Nearly as Funny as "D*ck in a Box" But Still Warms Our Hearts

The Sarah Palin Porno... Revealed

Sloppy Seconds: How Sarah Palin Brought a Little Heaven Into Our Lives

[Image, Image]

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture?

Emily Farris — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 20:59:00 GMT

Melissa Etheridge plans to marry her long-time love, Tammy Lynn Michaels. [Us]

Phish will reunite for a 2009 tour. We didn't know they broke up, but yay for Phisheads. [MTV]

If, like us, your invitation to Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds' wedding got lost in the mail, you can read all about it here. [People]

And apparently Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson are planning to marry, too. [FadedYouth]

Not only is Robert Downey, Jr. the perfect choice to play Hugh Hefner, he's apparently also perfect to play Sherlock Holmes. [Yahoo!]

Watch Sarah Palin play the flute. Or not. [Radar]

Or, watch Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Barbara Walters argue over Palin. Honesty, it's more fun. [MollyGood]

We hate cigarettes as much as—or more than-the next guy (or gal), but we're a little miffed that the cigarette was removed from this iconic image of Bette Davis from "All About Eve" for her postage stamp. [NFDHD]

Related:

Who Are You and What Have You Done With Robert Downey, Jr?

Sloppy Seconds: Fake Sex Ruined The Real Thing for Robert Downey, Jr. and Heather Graham

Who Will Play Playboy Hugh Hefner in the Story of His Life?

Bette Davis Eyes: 41 Cents

The Miramax Telethon: Has Anything Good Ever Won An Oscar?

Video of the Day: Sarah Palin's Swimsuit Competition

Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 16:37:00 GMT

Video of Sarah Palin competing in the swimsuit competition of the Miss Alaska Pageant was released to the Interwebs recently and while we understand she supposedly entered these pageants to pay for college, we have to wonder if there could have been a better way. Parading around in a little suit so judges can make sure she has no jibbly bits? If that got her into college, it's no wonder she thinks cuteness will get her into the White House.

And damn, it must have been cold in Alaska wearing nothing but that swimsuit!

[via Salon]

Palin's Big Cancer-Causing Purchase

Which Candidate Spends More on Make-Up Than We Do On Shoes?

Palin's Big Cancer-Causing Purchase

Emily Farris — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 15:38:00 GMT

Ever wonder how Sarah Palin keeps that beautiful tan even in the cold, Alaska winters? Wonder no more.

Apparently, Mrs. Palin had a tanning bed installed in the Alaska Governor's Mansion so that she, and her artificially brown children, can keep that Florida glow year round.

"She did. She paid for it with her own money," Roger Wetherell, chief communications officer of Alaska's Department of Transportation and Public Facilities told Us Weekly.

Not surprising, considering Palin is a former beauty queen. We all know that in the beauty queen world pale equals ugly. And probably poor. Bristol probably would have had no chance at getting knocked up had she been all pasty and shit.

We wonder how her running mate, John McCain, who has twice battled skin cancer, feels about all this...

[Us: Sarah Palin Installed Tanning Bed at Governor's Mansion]

Related:

Top 5 Rumors We'd Like to Start About Sarah Palin... But Won't

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Sloppy Seconds: It's Hailin' Palin

We Will Totally Crap Our Pants if Bristol Palin Pops Out a Mixed Race Baby

Is Bristol Palin now Bristol Palin-Johnston?

Rumor Mongering: The Palin Kids

**Palin's Grandbaby Daddy: Self-Proclaimed F*cking Redneck**

Sloppy Seconds: Eva Longoria's Lingerie Past

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 21:01:00 GMT

Are you better off now than you were in 1999? We seriously doubt it, although this chart may make you think you're making the same money you were then: nice try, thanks for (not) factoring in cost of living increases, dumbasses.

Charlize Theron at the DNC: No, I won't get married.

Speaking of marriage: Are we upset or could we care less that this movie star got hitched?

Asia Argento has wed in Tuscany, Italy.
The actress married director Michele Civetta on Wednesday in a civil ceremony at the city hall in Arezzo. The 32-year-old daughter of Italian moviemaker Dario Argento was previously engaged to actors Michael Pitt and Vincent Gallo but she never married.

One million new bankruptcies have been filed this week. Just kidding, it was over the last 12 months. Phew!

What does a country gotta indict somebody for in order to get rid of him? Senator Ted Stevens won his primary yesterday.

Today in the Apocalypse: Rat meat is in high demand in Cambodia, thanks to the economy.

Awww, man... the nun beauty pageant has been canceled for the usual, predictable reasons.

You probably heard about Eva Longoria's early forays into lingerie. If that's your kind of thing, you'll definitely want to check out The Superficial's posting of seven-year-old photos, most of which have been virtually unseen, at least on the internet. Here (and above), a taste:

Related:

There She Is... The World's Most Beautiful Nun

Starpulse's Celebs Who Should Go Nude: Who's Missing?

Making Stripteases A Cinch: Dita Von Teese Shills For Wonderbra

While You Were Sleeping: The Pregnant Lady Lingerie Controversy

Scanner Highs And Lows: Battle of the Sexies

Eva Mendes: Too Hot For TV, Way Too Hot For Work

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Food

There She Is... The World's Most Beautiful Nun

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 17:03:00 GMT

Leave it to Italy to try and address the marginalization of nuns in the Catholic Church by throwing them a beauty pageant. The "Miss Sister 2008" contest, starting in September, will take place on the blog of Rev. Antonio Rungi where nuns from around the world will showcase their work alongside a photo.

But, Rev. Rungi explains--

"We are not going to parade nuns in bathing suits," Rungi said by telephone from his town of Mondragone. "But being ugly is not a requirement for becoming a nun. External beauty is gift from God, and we mustn't hide it."

What a shocker that this is happening in the country where prime minister Berlusconi, when it came time for reelection, was quoted as saying:

"The left has no taste, not even when it comes to women...As for our (women candidates) being more beautiful, I say that because in parliament they have no competition."

Ah, Pageantry!

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:44:00 GMT

This lovely lady is Elyse Umemoto from Washington State. But not only is she from Washington...

she is Miss Washington, and was the runner up in this year's Miss America pageant. Any guesses as to what her talent was?

Tandi Iman Dupree is Our Hero

Emily Farris — Thu, 29 May 2008 18:11:00 GMT

We love talent shows. In fact, we're organizing one in our neighborhood for this fall. So we were a little disappointed to learn that this clip is not from a talent show but from the Miss Black America pageant in 2001. And while we don't care much for pageants, we hope she won this one if for nothing else but her entrance at 00:27.

Miss Hooker 2008 Beauty Pageant

Emily Farris — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:21:00 GMT

Mean Girls: Dietician Monica Grenfell

Emily Farris — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 13:38:00 GMT

Across the pond, a beautiful size 16 teenager is still in the running toward becoming the U.K.'s next top Miss England. But the editors of The Daily Mail have had a heyday with 17-year-old Chloe Marshall, printing articles mocking her size, and last week the paper brought on a "dietician" to pen an op-ed calling Marshall "fat, lazy and a poster girl for ill health."

In the piece, Monica Grenfell doesn't laud the teenager for being brave and self confident (like we do), but instead says Chloe is sending the wrong message to young girls:

"In my view, Chloe is a terrible role model. I hope she doesn't win the Miss England title. It would send an appalling - and very dangerous - message to other young women that it's OK to be fat. Chloe is a stark reminder that obesity is now virtually normal in our society - and we should all be hanging our heads in shame.

She is an ambassador not for the beautiful larger lady as she'd have us believe but a poster girl for diabetes, strokes, heart attacks, cancers and all the other devastating and potentially fatal health problems that are caused or exacerbated by obesity...

As a judge on last year's Miss England contest, I was hugely impressed, not just by the beauty but by the skills dedication and determination of the contestants. For example, most had raised huge sums of money for their favourite charities. They shone out as young women to be admired. But can the same really be said of Chloe?
At 5ft 10in, Chloe should have a body mass index, or BMI, (indicating her levels of fat) of 20. Hers is 26.03... It's a total fallacy that young girls are being pressured into near-starving themselves into being too thin...
If Chloe chooses to be curvy, that's fine. It is, after all, her personal choice. But it's time she stopped telling the rest of us that being fat is great and that the only way to be a healthy weight is by starving yourself. It's dangerous nonsense."

Uh, okay. We disagree and our size 10/12 would like to challenge Ms. Grenfell to an op-ed writing contest. Then to a brawl. Then to a hot dog eating contest. Then to another brawl. Who's with us?

P.S. It should be noted that we think beauty pageants are stupid. Really fucking stupid.

[The Daily Mail via Jezebel]

"You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores."

-Tina Fey/ Ms. Norbury, "Mean Girls"

[Previously: Mean Girls: Dr. Laura Schlessinger]