Scanner : beer pong

Sloppy Seconds: The Most Amazing 9-1-1 Call Ever (AUDIO)

Emily Farris — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 00:50:00 GMT

Hey, geeks (or people like us?): it's National Grammar Day. [National Grammar Day]

We were totally pissed we missed this last year and we're actually considering entering this time. It's the third annual Peeps Diorama Contest! [Washington Post]

Barbie got a tramp stamp! [Jossip]

Justin Timberlake and his lady love Jessica Biel will celebrate her birthday with... George Bush? [Us]

Mariska Hargitay has been hospitalized—again!—for a collapsed lung. [Yahoo!]

Evan Rachel Wood topped VenusZine's list of 25 Under 25. Also on the list: Adele, Zoe Kravitz. [VenusZine]

We know Scanner Brian mentioned this in While You Were Sleeping, but it's so good we wanted to make sure you heard it (plus, we have the audio): a woman in Florida called 9-1-1 after a McDonald's employee told her the chain had run out of chicken McNuggets. Apparently, she had already paid and wanted her money back instead of some other food. Is it bad that this woman is sort-of our hero and that we also really want chicken McNuggets right now? [The Inquisitr]

Stephen Colbert Will Not Give Up on Beer Pong Herpes

Emily Farris — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 00:16:00 GMT

Didn't you hear the news that beer pong can give you herpes? While news organizations around the country let the story die, one man refuses to give up on it.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Beer Pong Herpes Outbreak

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Political Humor

Rap Battle
Joke of the Day

Related:

Beer Pong Video Game Falls By Way Of Lenny Bruce, Poop Paintings, Janet Jackson's Nipples

One Couple, 90 Breweries, One Year, Many Beers

Stephen Colbert: Humankind's Only Hope Should Sarah Palin Destroy the Earth

Today in the Apocalypse: 17-Year-Old MADD Volunteer Hosts Quiet Gathering...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 17:52:00 GMT

Katie Rees, Miss Nevada USA 2007, who was stripped of her crown following this and other "scandalous photos"

Let me tell you something about Hartford, Connecticut, the city, I, Scanner Brian was born in.

Actually, better yet, let's not tell you anything about Hartford, Connecticut, because it would just be a waste of space after you read this story. Anything I tell you about Hartford will be brutally shoved aside after you read about one 17-year-old Miss Connecticut Outstanding Teen, a volunteer with Mothers Against Drunk Dumbasses, decided to do with her Saturday night when her parents went out of town.

If you think it's entertain little orphan boys with stories from award-winning children's authors, well...

Rachael Ramonas competed in the Miss America's Outstanding Teen competition in Florida this past summer, returning home without the ultimate title. Perhaps she was disappointed by her defeat and decided that, instead of continuing to volunteer with MADD, she would stop being an Outstanding Teen the minute her parents left her goody-two-shoes self at home for the weekend.

On Saturday night, cops arrested two dozen underage drinkers at the home of Miss Ramonas. Reports indicate that most of the kids were beyond wasted-- although, since Ramonas is a juvenile, cops can't say whether she was one of them, or even if she was arrested at all. According to this source:

Officers responding to an anonymous call about underage drinking Saturday night found beer, rum and items commonly used for a drinking game called beer pong. [AP News]

Luckily, no one was arrested for DWI's, so there's at least that bit of sanity... although we doubt she could've kept an eye on all 24-plus peeps who had vehicles to make sure they didn't further embarrass her or reveal some sort of "hypocrisy."

Related:

Today in the Apocalypse: A 14-Year-Old Girl Did... What?!

This Drummer Will Be Your Cabana Boy...If the Price is Right

Drunk Teenagers Have No Respect For the Dead, Other Drunk People

No Regrets, We May Have Finally Found A Hangover Cure

Scanner Matt — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 18:05:00 GMT

Pickle juice, tripe soup, prickly pear, Alka Seltzer, vitamins B6 and B12, a Bloody Mary, a bacon-egg-and-cheese, sports drinks, copious amounts of water, hair of the dog... researchers from the land that brought you Scotch have just made a major breakthrough.

We first noticed this intriguing bit of information in our Harper's Weekly update this morning and tracked the story to The Times of India.

Scottish scientists have invented a "chemical cleaner" said to cure binge drinking's morning after pains, headaches, shaking and nausea. It's called, Bridion.

The new molecule works by forming a ring around the unwanted chemical, rendering it ineffective within three minutes, the time it takes the blood to circulate round the body. It is then excreted naturally, reports the Scotsman.

It’s possible future treatments could also include removing alcohol from the bloodstream quickly from people who have drunk too much.

Bridion works specifically on the commonly used muscle relaxants, Rocuronium and Vecuronium, used to keep patients extremely still during major surgery such as hip operations.

It may also be helpful in the drug overdose department.

Related:

15 Hangover Cures From Around The World

Cop Fired For Drinking With Teens, Tasering Them For Laughs

Never Pay for Porn Again

Drug Charges, Palin Family

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Reading Under the Influence

Scanner Matt — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 20:19:00 GMT

They say the two surviving enterprises in a spiraling economy are books and booze. People usually skip the vacation and the fancy nights out in rough times to stay home, cuddle up with a good book and get trashed. So why not give the people what they want for the holidays? Whether your friends and family are heavy readers or heavy drinkers here are some great book and booze pairings to give as (affordable) gifts.

The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway and a bottle of Pernod

If one author comes to mind when talking about drinking and writing it's certainly Papa. This book is a favorite of ours, filled with big questions and underlying themes it's also an escapist fantasy into Europe. The characters drink Absynthe too in this book, but the real stuff is hard to come by and Pernod is delicious and won't make you crazy.

The Long Goodbye by Raymond Chandler and a bottle of gin.

The Portable Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker... and a bottle of gin.

While some claim The Big Sleep is Chandler's best work, other's say The Long Goodbye might be the pinnacle of 1950's pulp crime fiction. Chandler's protagonist and devout gin drinker, Detective Philip Marlowe, actually popularized the gimlet in America with this book. Chandler even shares a recipe in the novel: "A real Gimlet is half gin and half Rose's Lime Juice and nothing else. It beats martinis hollow."

Dorothy Parker would disagree, she was a devout martini lush as some say and knew how to party. She's also one of the funniest American writers we have, from short stories to poetry to essays and reviews. We believe she was a Beefeater girl herself.

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald and a bottle of your favorite bourbon

We know they made everyone read it in high school, but have you gave it a second glance? It could be the most genius American soap opera ever written. The characters drink mint juleps to keep cool in the summertime, but what's wrong with a little minty flavor (peppermints, candy canes etc... ) around the holidays? And of course bourbon is a must, though it doesn't have to be your grandfather's dusty bottle of J&B. (Faulkner was mint julep guy too.)

This is an easy one: Any Russian author and a bottle of vodka

Everyone has a classic Russian book they've always wanted read, whether it's Tolstoy's War and Peace, Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment or Nabokov's Lolita, (and if you're looking for a more recent book try Russian-American author Gary Shteyngart, who is brilliantly raunchy and hilarious in Russian Debutantes Hand Book and Absurdistan. As for the vodka, that's your choice. We prefer Grey Goose, but Smirnoff never killed anybody (maybe) and Stolichnaya is super Russian.

If you're feeling particularly generous this holiday season you can also include a pack of cigarettes with your gift.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Doesn't the New Female Condom Look Like Fun?

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 20:00:00 GMT

Here's a new design for the female condom. You gonna use it now?

It's never too early to put custom beer pong balls on your Christmas list.

The one and only reason we'd want a child is to teach it shit like this.

What we're listening to right now.

Learn words, get smart, feed people.

Scanner : beer pong

Sloppy Seconds: The Most Amazing 9-1-1 Call Ever (AUDIO)

Stephen Colbert Will Not Give Up on Beer Pong Herpes

Beer Pong Video Game Falls By Way Of Lenny Bruce, Poop Paintings, Janet Jackson's Nipples

One Couple, 90 Breweries, One Year, Many Beers

Stephen Colbert: Humankind's Only Hope Should Sarah Palin Destroy the Earth

Today in the Apocalypse: 17-Year-Old MADD Volunteer Hosts Quiet Gathering...

Today in the Apocalypse: A 14-Year-Old Girl Did... What?!

This Drummer Will Be Your Cabana Boy...If the Price is Right

Drunk Teenagers Have No Respect For the Dead, Other Drunk People

No Regrets, We May Have Finally Found A Hangover Cure

15 Hangover Cures From Around The World

Cop Fired For Drinking With Teens, Tasering Them For Laughs

Never Pay for Porn Again

Drug Charges, Palin Family

Reading Under the Influence

Researchers Shocked and Appalled to Find Young People Use Drugs and Alcohol to Enhance Sex

Don't Miss: The State of the Union Drinking Game!

A Case of Mistaken Hard Lemonade

Sloppy Seconds: Doesn't the New Female Condom Look Like Fun?