Scanner : bestiality

My New Favorite Website: Sex Advice With All the Inaccuracies of Yahoo Questions

Drew Grant — Fri, 01 May 2009 18:58:00 GMT

I was introduced to the site Is It Normal by some forum friends back in February. There was some lady asking a bunch of Internet strangers whether "It was normal" (hence the site's title) to be an overweight woman whose boyfriend's Feeder fetish was getting a little...extreme. Now, making fun of someone who has a legitimate sex issue is not okay. Making fun of someone because they posted an entire novel on a publicized Internet site about how their boyfriend wants to put a funnel down their throat and fill them up with cornmeal? That's a little different: that falls under a category I like to call "asking for it."

Yet I had forgotten all about the hall of mirrors after that one instance, but decided to check out the site today on a whim. And of course, the sex questions remain mind-bogglingly hilarious.

What's great about this question is that your first reaction is to laugh as a defense mechanism. Because lets face it, we've all been there. And maybe if I had a website growing up that told me that 61% of Internet users think it's normal to masturbate in front of your pet, I wouldn't have had to "free" my birds and iguana back into the wild in 10th grade. RIP Snorky. :-(

Candidate for Gov. of GA Admits to Having Sex... with a Mule

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 May 2009 17:50:00 GMT

Back in 2005, radical right-wing protofascist Christian Neal Horsley admitted to FoxNews anchor Alan Colmes that he had, at the age of 11 in 1955, engaged in unlawful carnal knowledge with a mule. In other words, he raped a mule and confessed to the crime on live radio.

That hasn't stopped the scary-as-hell Georgian from announcing he is running for Governor...

NH: "Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule."

AC: "I'm not so sure that that is so."

NH: "You didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?"

AC: "Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?"

NH: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality... Welcome to domestic life on the farm..."

All his opponents have to do to get rid of Horsley (oh, if only it had been an equestrian indiscretion!) is to send that interview out as a mailer for three days straight at the end of the campaign. Of course, Horsley isn't much of a challenger-- he's running on the Creator's Rights Party platform. And his campaign is going about as well as David Paterson's in New York. From Daily Kos:

"We're talking about the mule now?"

Yes, he says. The mule.

"A small mule?" I ask.

"No, a full grown mule," he says. "She loved me, though."

We both laugh, but I'm still trying to figure out the logistics. How big is this thing? The size of a horse, he says.

"All I had to do was give her an ear of corn." He laughs again. "She was a [prostitute] mule."

"How did you reach?"

"I don't know... I stood on something. The kicker is, as soon as I was done she pissed all over me. It was embarrassing. I never told anyone that before."

Not only that, but Horsley has had sex with men. He was in the Air Force, it was a cold night, yadda, yadda, yadda, he had sex with him, ahem, the way he did the mule. "It was gross," he says.

It should come as no surprise to our readers, all of whom have read stories here about right-wing hypocrites and their laughably ignorant world views, to learn that this is a man who has been linked to the murderers of abortion doctors, thanks to his involvement with the Army of God, and is known to express anti-gay views. He's also the modern-day equivalent of a Confederate traitor to the United States, since he advocates secession over the legalization of abortion and told an interviewer he would kill his Army-Sarge son if sonny boy was sent out to stop him.

Asked if he was ready to sacrifice his own son in a national insurrection, Horsley recounts a fight with his son where he almost killed him.

“I was one foot from killing my own son, or hurting him really, really bad,” Horsley told Krider. “If he would have attacked me again, I would have stuck him. Or cut him or sliced him or done something to stop him. That’s the point, you[r] hypothetical has literally already been worked out with me, and that’s what makes me different from the other candidates for Governor. They understand I’m not like no politician they have looked at, ever. I am prepared to do a John Brown. I’m not prepared to do an Abe Lincoln and talk out both sides of my mouth and try to get a majority together. I’m looking for the people who are prepared to go with me and take over the foundry, then set up shop and prepare to fight to the death. I’ll do it.” [Raw Story]

He is prepared to do a John Brown? Where is law enforcement when you need him? If we still have legalized executions in this country, why not put this guy on the list, for treason? Just kidding, that would be stooping to his level... or, should we say, "standing on something to get at him?"

Related:

Nevada Governor's Sex Scandal May Top Eliot Spitzer's

Politician Probably Should've Taken Down Scandalous Facebook Profile First

Cheerleading Coach In Hottest Nude Photo Scandal Ever

Top 10 Feminist Icons... From A Male (Part Two)

18-Year-Old Boy Arrested in Most Bizarre Sex Tape Bust Yet

Sloppy Seconds: What Do Sarah Palin And Tom Cruise Have In Common?

Ina Maier — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 22:55:00 GMT

Natasha Richardson's autopsy report has been released and the cause of death is an epidural hematoma, in other words: hitting her head. Remember kids, please wear a helmet!

Speaking of advice, watch out for spiders in Whole Foods. Apparently the world's deadliest kind like to hang out in the produce section.

Signs the economy is really in the crapper: Tom Sizemore steals cell phones and a Rhode Island strip club is hosting a job fair.

Cheer up, though -- at the very least, you're better off than Project Runway's Kenley Collins, who is hanging out in a Brooklyn jail after attacking her sleeping ex-fiance with "her pet cat, water, several apples and laptop."

You can also sleep more soundly than Collins' ex-fiance because cellar monster Josef Fritzl has been found guilty on all counts and will be spending the rest of his life in a psychiatric unit.

Lastly, and somewhat most terrifyingly: Sarah Palin is seeking the advice of an OT-VII level (the cult's second most powerful level) Scientologist in preparation for her 2012 presidential run. Yes.

Verrry Sloppy Seconds: Because We'd Rather be Drinking and You Know It

Sarah Palin Porn Ain't Goin' Nowhere, No Ho Ho Ho

Woman Gives Her Laptop to Cops in Hopes They'll Bust Her Ex...

Man Gets 4 Years For Doing Something Horrible To Grandma's Dog

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 19:51:00 GMT

We were in Clearwater, Florida for Thanksgiving this year and heard a story so creepy, even we didn't want to write about it.

Which, as you know, means this is one you won't be able to brush off, no matter how much you drink to forget...

In court nearby, a twenty-year-old man named Nicholas Densmore (hopefully no relation to the Doors drummer-- or anyone else, for that matter) was being sentenced to four years in prison and one year's probation for raping a Yorkshire terrier. What's worse, it was his grandmother's dog.

And his grandmother caught him in the act.

Claudette Densmore spotted Nicholas hanging out with the dog in her family's motor home. When she approached, he took off running and dumped the dog in a trash can nearby. The dog tested positive for... oh, really, do you want to know? You don't. What makes this story all the more bizarre is that Nicholas's entire family testified in his favor and claimed the boy is schizophrenic, was off his meds, and should be at home where he can be supervised... by his grandmother. (Fark-ready tagline: "Why do they hate animals so much?")

Now that we think about it, was it wrong to put this guy away for four years, in light of what we know about his medical problems and the family's steadfast support?

Related:

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Lost Your Penis in the Penal System? Washington State Has 300 G's For Ya

Boy George is Into Kinky Sh*t, Ain't Too Proud to Pay

Bestiality Bust Is Our Favorite Swedish Sex Story Ever

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 16:40:00 GMT

We know Scanner Emily mentioned this yesterday, but it's way to good not to blog about in full.

A 45-year-old father of two was exposed by the Swedish newspaper the Expressen for running a bestiality ring that allegedly includes thirty members. But it's not the sex ring or the fact that a newspaper was the one to blow the lid off this thing (instead of the cops, that is) that caused us to sit up and drop our bagels...

Daddy who, thank God, is not married to the mother of those poor children of his, is a farmer (surprise) who owns dogs, horses, and an internet forum for bestiality lovers. Whoops. Somehow, the Expressen managed to infiltrate his underground harem and, after what must have been an unbearable couple of months, confronted the guy, who remains nameless-- because, well, you'll see...

But the man was quick to defend his relations with a bitch he bought online from a city-dwelling family who said they wanted the dog to have a better life in the countryside.

"Any of the times I did anything with her she was the one who backed into me and provoked it. She was in heat and made herself available. There were also times later when she didn't want to and then I backed out immediately," he told Expressen.

Now you see why we love this story? Who the hell does this guy think he is, with the "she seduced me" argument? Oh, right, he's a leader of a large bestiality ring in Sweden. Got it.

It gets worse/better, depending on how much you're sickened or appreciating this insanity? The Expressen's investigator was forced to sit through a regular group meeting, for which members brought a variety of animals to show off, as well as video recordings of their pets in... never mind. Barf.

By the way, the reason we, the Local, and the Expressen cannot name this name? No, it's not because he's innocent until proven guilty-- he's completely innocent, at least in the eyes of the law, since Sweden has no law against bestiality.

"Is it, and should it be, legal to spread something on the genitalia that might smell or taste nice to a dog, in order to allow the dog to lick off whatever is spread on the genitalia?

"Should it be permitted to stroke a bitch's teats with love, or should it be classified as animal sexual abuse?" the minister wondered. [The Local]

Dude, that's the Minister of Agriculture talking. And you thought Sweden was awesome...

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Spray Away Your Premature Ejaculation

Teen Sex Most Popular In Kentucky... And Other Global Sex Trends

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:38:00 GMT

Scanner reader and Debonair Magazine writer John De Feo alerted us to this very interesting survey of global sex trends.

Did you know more people are Googling for lesbian sex in Louisville than in any other US city? Well, at least on the internet.

Among the article's most interesting findings:

Lesbian Sex

Average Daily Search Volume – 56,024
Most Popular In - Prague, Czech Republic
Most Popular U.S. City - Louisville, KY

TEEN SEX:

Average Daily Search Volume – 54,139
Most Popular In - Delhi, India
Most Popular U.S. City - Louisville, KY

Again, Czech Republic leads in several worldwide findings, including Anal Sex, Hardcore Sex, and Gay Sex, while Louisville also leads statewide in Gay Sex. (Virgina, meanwhile, has the most people looking for Anal and Animal Sex, although not necessarily in the same search bar)

Several cities in India are on the board, all of them for web-based bestiality hunts: Horse Sex and Dog Sex. Yum.

Check out the rest of his preliminary findings here.

Google Thinks You're All Perverts

McCain To Find His VP On Google

Look Both Ways Before Walking The Streets, 'Cause Google Maps Might Be Watching

Giorgia Palmas Becomes Overnight Internet Sensation Based On One Photo

Sloppy Seconds: American Apparel's Latest Porn Star Pick

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 20:46:00 GMT

Want an explanation of the finale of the Sopranos? Too bad, David Chase isn't going to make a movie, sources say.

The overhyped/underwhelming Christie Brinkley/Peter Cook divorce trial has ended in a settlement. Now, can Hollywood please send us a real scandal for a change?

Best or worst excuse ever? Check out France's First Lady, Carla Bruni, on why her belly appears to be growing...

The model-turned-songstress says she "would certainly like to be pregnant" but is not. If her tummy has grown, it is because she enjoys an occasional beer.

Perhaps they've finally discovered Nerve: according to the Washington Post, seniors are turned on and acting on it now more than ever.

American Apparel hired another porn star. Surprisingly, it's not Julia Allison.

Karl Rove may be heading for another legal problem after her refused to testify in Congress. The Democrats could hold him in contempt, which is apparently a new thing for them.

Another country club is in trouble, this time in Phoenix, for refusing to separate the sexes. Alice Cooper allegedly had no problems eating his fried bat without any groupies present.

In a bid to offset the poor attention spans of most American TV viewers, NBC has decided it needs a webseries to introduce a new superhero to "Heroes," rather than try to work him in to the regular season. Check out the details here. Or ignore them and just stare at the above photo of Hayden, who has no part in the webisodes.

Don't forget, folks, tomorrow is Chick-Fil-A's free chicken dinner. There is a stipulation, though: you have to come dressed as a cow. We recommend the following outfit:

Thanks, Bianca!

The Top 10 Weirdest Sex Laws

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:02:00 GMT

We want to defy the logic of these sex laws.

The Top 10 Weirdest Sex Laws:

10. No one is allowed to have sex in a parked car. Unless the car has (drawn) curtains... in Carlsbad, New Mexico)

9. It's illegal for a woman to take off her clothes while in front of a man's photo in Oxford, Ohio.

8. It is against the law for husbands to to talk dirty ("curse at his wife") during intercourse in Willowdale, Oregon.

7. The missionary position is the only sexual position allowed by law in Washington, DC.

6. Women, married or not, husbands about to die or not, are not allowed to have sex with while riding in an ambulance. "In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment," courtesy of Tremonton, Utah.

5. Giving or receiving head is against the law in 18 states, including Arizona and Utah.

4. For reasons we don't want to know, it's against the law to get it on with a truck driver inside a toll booth in Harrisonburg, PA.

3. Sticking your dick in a porcupine is illegal in Florida. (We'd like to think this law is unnecessary, but we're talking about Florida here...)

2. It is against the law for a man to fire a gun while his female partner is having an orgasm in Connorsville, Wisconsin. (Wait, is he firing a gun to blow her mind? To kill her for coming before him? Because he's been finished for ten minutes and was trying to clean his rifle? What?)

1. And having bestiality with animals is legal for men, "as long as the animal weighs less than 40 pounds," in the great state of Washington.

Honorable Mentions:

It is illegal in Utah to marry your first cousin before the age of 65.

In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.

And "a law in Fairbanks, Alaska does not allow moose to have sex on city streets."

Via Bert C and College Times.

Judge In Trouble For Bestiality Photos, Lingerie Parties

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 14:01:00 GMT

A judge in Los Angeles, due to hear a major obscenity trial, is in hot water after the contents of his website became public... although no one yet knows how they did...

1) Alex Kozinski is the chief Judge of the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. In 1996, he had a diary that was recently published, in the wake of the current scandal, on Slate. There isn't much here that he would have to recuse himself over-- unless you consider a lingerie (and pajama) party "obscenity." Looking at the above picture, we're not sure how we feel, mainly because of said party's obvious IQ average.

2) He was about to preside over what will surely become a landmark free speech case.

For jurors to determine whether [Ira] Isaacs' work is obscene, they will view hours of hard-core pornography so degrading that in one film, an actress cries throughout, prosecutors said in court papers.

But if jurors find that any of the four videos at issue in the case have any "literary, scientific or artistic value," the work is not legally obscene, according to a 1973 Supreme Court ruling.

"All they're going to do is turn on a DVD machine and hope the jury is going to be so shocked and disgusted and offended that they're going to throw me in prison," said Isaacs, 57, a native of the Bronx. He said he hopes that jurors will be shocked -- he's a self-described "shock artist" -- but also that they will see artistic value in the work. [LA Times]

3) Kozinski's site, which is now down for good, "included a photo of naked women on all fours painted to look like cows and a video of a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal. Some of the material was inappropriate, he conceded, although he defended other sexually explicit content as 'funny.'"

4) The trial was suspended today following the public outcry. He may be removed from the case, although hopefully not.

5) He would've seen this case for what it was-- a disgrace to the Bill of Rights/First Amendment. Lenny Bruce will have died in vain. Henry Miller would have written all those books for nothing. And Bill Burroughs would return from the dead and shoot everyone in a William Tell Trick gone wrong.

To be continued...

Via the LA Times.

Video of the Day: Never Pull Off The Road To Poop

Bryan Christian — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:58:00 GMT

Hey, we know: sometimes it's hard to watch young lovers that just can't get their act together. Well, don't you worry. These two figure out how to make it work in the end. (See what we did there? ZING!)

Weddings From Hell: A Photo Essay

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 18:30:00 GMT

We try to avoid weddings if at all possible, even up to and including the inevitability of our own. These photos, compiled by Dahlia Rideout at Divine Caroline, go a long way toward explaining why we're not responding to your Evite.

Actually, we would definitely attend the above wedding, even if that left hand would be getting a nice new ring that day. Unfortunately, however, it was not included in the extensive and otherwise unmissable post on Divine Caroline, which you really must check out.

Here are some great wedding stories to go with these pictures (it's your guess, though, which ones are for which, if any):

1) Tracey and John O'Donnell were arrested at their wedding reception.. Tracey O'Donnell said her husband fed her the cake too roughly, after she had told him to take it easy, police reported. Fighting ensued when she responded in kind...
2) A British man was found guilty on Tuesday of having sex with a dog after a video he made of the act was inadvertently shown to speechless wedding guests expecting to see a replay of a marriage ceremony.
3) Butts-McCracken were married today, to the stifled laughter of all.

[Top Photo: Todd Hougas; Second Photo: Taina Cruzado Cote]

Scanner : bestiality

My New Favorite Website: Sex Advice With All the Inaccuracies of Yahoo Questions

Candidate for Gov. of GA Admits to Having Sex... with a Mule

Nevada Governor's Sex Scandal May Top Eliot Spitzer's

Politician Probably Should've Taken Down Scandalous Facebook Profile First

Cheerleading Coach In Hottest Nude Photo Scandal Ever

Top 10 Feminist Icons... From A Male (Part Two)

18-Year-Old Boy Arrested in Most Bizarre Sex Tape Bust Yet

Sloppy Seconds: What Do Sarah Palin And Tom Cruise Have In Common?

Verrry Sloppy Seconds: Because We'd Rather be Drinking and You Know It

Woman Gives Her Laptop to Cops in Hopes They'll Bust Her Ex...

Man Gets 4 Years For Doing Something Horrible To Grandma's Dog

While You Were Sleeping: 93% Prefer Real Boobs

While You Were Sleeping: Winona Ryder OD'd

Lost Your Penis in the Penal System? Washington State Has 300 G's For Ya

Boy George is Into Kinky Sh*t, Ain't Too Proud to Pay

Bestiality Bust Is Our Favorite Swedish Sex Story Ever

Sloppy Seconds: Is Victoria's Newest Secret Formaldehyde?

Feet Magazine So Gross, Even Foot Fetishists Will Puke

Hot or Not? Cindy Crawford at 42

Spray Away Your Premature Ejaculation

Teen Sex Most Popular In Kentucky... And Other Global Sex Trends

Teen Sex Most Popular In Kentucky... And Other Global Sex Trends

Lesbian Sex

Accused Killer's Crazy Google Searches All The Evidence We Need

Google Thinks You're All Perverts

McCain To Find His VP On Google

Look Both Ways Before Walking The Streets, 'Cause Google Maps Might Be Watching

Giorgia Palmas Becomes Overnight Internet Sensation Based On One Photo

Sloppy Seconds: American Apparel's Latest Porn Star Pick

The Top 10 Weirdest Sex Laws

Judge In Trouble For Bestiality Photos, Lingerie Parties

Video of the Day: Never Pull Off The Road To Poop

Weddings From Hell: A Photo Essay