Scanner : bible

Sloppy Seconds: Paul Newman's Diagnosis

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 21:27:00 GMT

The Bible Belt generally frowns on gays... unless there's a beauty pageant involved.

Sting capped off his career with the Police (at least this time) by shaving his beard, live at Madison Square Garden.

Do you think this is a real surveillance video?

There's debate all over the web about that one.

Did you hear about the guy who answered a phone call from the cops during a high speed pursuit and said "Dude, I can't talk, I'm being chased by the police"? Well, maybe he'll be answering his cell with a similar message: "Dude, I can't talk, I'm in fucking jail."

Speaking of the police, the coppers in Hartford, Connecticut sold a man a former squad car loaded with cocaine.

Hell yeah: Anne Hathaway railed against plastic surgery, saying it harms the ability of actors to look their parts. (Then again, there's no way Hathaway will ever need plastic surgery, at least not for another 124 years.)

Paul Newman won't be riding with the Sundance Kid anymore, at least according to New York City doctors. The ancient actor has been given "weeks to live," which we hope turns into at least months, if not years.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Anne Hathaway and the Cops

Coming Soon: Nude Photos of Anne Hathaway

While You Were Sleeping: The Tim Gunn Lawsuit

"This Is The City's Response To A Penis" One of Many Classic Moments From Nude Gallery Raid

While You Were Sleeping: The Last True Supermodel

Creationist Teacher Burns Cross In Students' Arms

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:10:00 GMT

An Ohio teacher burnt a cross on at least one student's arm, which stay imprinted on the kid's skin for almost a month, and somehow managed to escape arrest in this, the 21st century.

Question: if a burn lasts three to four weeks... why was the teacher who caused the injury not fired for it by the time this story leaked?

A public school teacher preached his Christian beliefs despite complaints by other teachers and administrators and used a device to burn the image of a cross on students' arms, according to a report by independent investigators.
Mount Vernon Middle School teacher John Freshwater also taught creationism in his science class and was insubordinate in failing to remove a Bible and other religious materials from his classroom, the report said.
Lynda Weston, the district's director of teaching and learning, told investigators that she has dealt with complaints about Freshwater for much of her 11-year term at the district, the report said.

What does a guy gotta do to get fired in an Ohio school district? Don't tell Mary Kay Letourneau about this story...

A former superintendent, Jeff Maley, said he tried to find another position for Freshwater but couldn't because Freshwater was certified only in science, the report said.

Whoever certified this certifiable nut in "science" oughta get slapped with an endangering the welfare of a child charge.

Meanwhile, it took a week after a federal lawsuit was filed by one family for the story to get picked up in the media. Check out this class response to the suit by a friend of Freshwater's:

"With the exception of the cross-burning episode ... I believe John Freshwater is teaching the values of the parents in the Mount Vernon school district..."

Not anymore he isn't, thank God. We hear the results of a staff meeting on Friday determined, after a long, long saga (during which Freshwater was apparently allowed to continue teaching), that the science teacher was a goner.

More dark comedy via the AP.

Fact: Jesus Had Short Hair

Steve McKay — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 16:08:00 GMT

Contrary to popular misconceptions, Jesus was not a longhair. It is amazing that in our own lifetime we will bear witness to one of the religious world’s greatest debates being put to rest. At long last, the fighting can end!

While others were frittering away their time examining pointless issues like what color Christ was or whether or not gays are people too, Dr. Jack Hyles dropped a bomb on the religious theory scene a few years ago. Although the man is no longer with us, his teachings live on via the Internet.

Section headings include:

-God Is Concerned About Our Apparel, Hair Styles, Etc

-The Bible Plainly Teaches That It Is A ‘Shame’ For A Man To Wear Long Hair

-Jesus Was Not A Nazarite

-If Jesus Had Been A Nazarite, He Still Would Not Necessarily Have Had Long Hair

We're sure that any day now people are going sit up in their barber's chairs and take notice, 'cause the way we see it, Hyles has convincingly proved his point that long hair is a universal symbol for rebellion and that wearing your hair short is a symbol of one’s belief in the Bible. But what does that say about skinheads and people with mohawks? And what about mullets? Hey, wait a minute…