Top 5 Things Obama Should Do Now

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 17:18:00 GMT

Inspired by several recent lists, including Robert Creamers "Ten Key Steps to Put Obama Over the Top in November" from Wednesday's Huffington Post, we decided to put together a list of what we hope Obama does next to beat McCain. Of course, there will be a McCain list in the coming days for the three of his supporters still reading this blog...

5. Get the Vice Presidential choice out of the way so, even if he doesn't announce it for months, it does not bog down his campaign's time. For the record, Senators Dodd, Edwards, and Webb are fine choices, while Senator Clinton and Governor Richardson would bog the ticket down with their respective baggage, Clinton with her high negatives plus Bush-Clinton fatigue and Richardson's poor campaign skills plus New Mexico's likely Democratic swing this year should rule them both out. This is nothing against them personally-- it's all about weighing advantages versus disadvantages of the way that Obama-? bumpersticker reads.

4. Gather uncommitted female superdelegates and Governors like Kathleen Sebelius (Kan.) and Janet Napolitano (Ariz.) to follow Hillary Clinton's endorsement and shore up the female vote that is still out there and less than thrilled about another male President.

3. This is an obvious one, but key: use elder party surrogates to make the case. Perfect examples would be Joe Biden and especially Jim Webb, with his experience, Republican background, and excellent TV "presence." This will balance Republican/McCain attacks on Obama's experience and lack of authority on foreign policy.

2. As Roger Stone says: "Admit nothing, deny everything, launch counterattack" and "Attack, attack, attack-- deny everything" (the last one is not an exact quote, but the point is the same.) The Republicans have won with these words time and again since 1972 and the Democrats cannot afford to ignore these rules this year. For one thing, we'd be talking about the reelection of John Kerry if he'd paid attention to them the last time around.

1. Fuck the swing states-- go after everything remotely in play. If he did so well in Montana, Virginia, and even Alabama, he should run hard there. This is a new Presidential election-- it would suck to wake up the day after and find out he could have won if only he'd spent any money in, say, Alabama-- where he had 56% in the primary and McCain lost to Huckabee-- he would've taken the electoral college.

Previously: Top 10 Moments in the Career of Hillary Clinton.

James Carville's Jesus Complex & Judas Penis

Katie Halper — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:31:00 GMT

James Carville accused Bill "Hot When Bearded" Richardson of betrayal of biblical proportions, saying "Mr. Richardson's endorsement [of Obama] came right around the anniversary of the day when Judas sold out (Jesus) for 30 pieces of silver, so I think the timing is appropriate, if ironic." The irony, of course, is that Carville commits betrayal of biblical proportions every time he biblically "gets to know" his wife.

Nobody shows us that politics makes strange bedfellows, literally, and figuratively, more than Democratic Spin Doctor Clintonite Jim Carville and Mary Matalin, his Republican Spin Doctor Bushie wife. The Carville-Matlin duo deserve our bipartisan praise for overcoming their ideological differences through pure unadulterated sexual chemistry.

Let’s be honest, people, who among us could resist her beady eyes, and almost invisible lips, and his smooth cranium and teasingly tinted glasses. But if Richardson's getting behind Obama makes him a Judas, what does Carville's getting behind Mary make him? Does Carville feel the holy spirit slip out of his soul when he slips out of his blue pajamas, slips off Mary's red teddy and enters her land of Cain? Does Carville tell himself it's the devil that is making him take off his donkey briefs and pull off her elephant thong? Is the Satanic serpent tricking the Carvillian serpent into tasting Mary's forbidden fruit?

We can only assume that Carville has a Jesus complex and a Mary Magdalene fetish. A J~~esus~~ames C~~hrist~~arville Mary Magdtalin role-play routine is the only thing that could explain the miracle of their marriage and the only way JC could live with himself and sleep with his wife.

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Top 5 Things Obama Should Do Now

James Carville's Jesus Complex & Judas Penis