Scanner : blogs

While You Were Sleeping: Sexually Incriminating Information

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 May 2009 15:17:00 GMT

Now you know why we voted for him (at least in part): Obama is redirecting all of the abstinence-only money, some $138 million, to the actually-effective methods of sex ed.

Agree with almost every word of this list of the thirteen people/things that ruined it for everyone else, although Jersey could only have been helped by a show as great as the Sopranos.

Fleshbot makes a case for those Rihanna photos-- the ones her people are so upset about-- being fakes.

Susan Boyle did Oprah-- is she ever going to sing another song or just wave to photographers and do sparse interviews? She also turned down a makeover.

An Iraqi journalist who isn't exactly on board with the Palin campaign met with the Governor yesterday and said only that her voice was "annoying in person."

The adorable fawn and bobcat seen above are best buds after being rescued from the Santa Barbara wildfire. Ellen Degeneres and others are raising money for the animal rescue efforts, which are already overwhelmed with the number of cases.

Figleaf's Real Adult Sex has some good advice for those-- including, possibly, Rihanna-- who were the victims of someone "posting 'sexually incriminating' information against their will."

And Florida Gov. Charlie Crist, who is apparently outed with a slew of evidence in a new film released over the weekend, announced he will run for Senate.

While You Were Sleeping: Mel Gibson Is In Trouble Now

PA DA Threatening to Jail 11-Year-Olds For Sexting

While You Were Sleeping: Teacher Sex Never Gets Old

Desperate Housewife Calls in the Cops in Nude Photo Blog War

All in the Awkward Family

Colleen Kane — Fri, 08 May 2009 16:01:00 GMT

It's like almost every day, the internet gives me another new favorite thing, free! Among the younger folks who never knew different, this is surely breeding a generation who won't be satisfied with something low-tech like sitting on a swing.

Anyway! So the new favorite blog along the lines of Sexy People/ Look at This F?cking Hipster is Awkward Family Photos. I just read the entire (new) blog LOLing because I'm a bad person. But maybe it's OK, because my own family has a portrait that would fit right in.

The captions are hilarious, as are some of the titles ("I think he's going to pork her" is today's entry's title). But the blog doesn't only run photos of people; it's an equal-opportunity sharer of awkwardness. Before I share a sampling of favorite photos, please enjoy this awkward story from the blog.

When I was 10 years old, my parents took us on vacation to a water park. I told my dad I had to go to the bathroom; he pointed to a building and let me go in by myself. When I got in, I noticed there were no urinals, and none of the stalls had toilets in them. Confused, I went into a stall anyway, pulled the curtain closed behind me, and did my business all over the floor. When I got out, we started walking away when another man with his son asked my dad if we knew of any bathrooms nearby. My dad pointed to the building that I had just exited. The man said, “No, that’s just a dressing room to change in and out of bathing suits.” My Dad said that was not true, as I had just used the bathroom in there. The other man insisted and my father started to get angry, “Are you calling my son a liar?” My Dad told the man we would all go in together to prove my innocence. Despite my objections, the four of us went in and when my Dad whipped open the curtain to the first stall…
Awkward.
-Kevin, North Smithfield, RI

The caption for this last one is, "What's most awkward about this photo is the person that's not there anymore." But also, what gender is the baby holder?

Related:

Look at These F-ing Hipsters

Sexy Is As Sexy Does

Are You One Of The Sexy People?

XXX Star Penny Flame Flames Out to Find Herself

Colleen Kane — Wed, 06 May 2009 15:06:00 GMT

Adult film star Penny Flame has quit her porn career to reclaim herself, Jennie Ketchum, and she's documenting the journey on her new blog. After realizing she had a problem with intimacy, she realized she also had a problem with alcohol and drugs. She's now sworn off sex for a year and is in AA. Some of this is documented on the upcoming VH1 reality series Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew, but it will all be documented on the blog, Becoming Jennie. It's not a platform to hate on her former career:

Just because I am making changes, does not make me ashamed of the life I’ve led. Just because I no longer wish to perform does not mean I want the entire industry to die, or kick rocks. This has been an amazing career for me, and I would recommend being a pornstar to anyone that can momentarily put aside the need to be intimate, and then pick it back up and go on with life. You can make yourself a little nest egg and live pretty (well you used to be able to but the economic state of the biz is so so). But I’d also recommend they quit the moment they can’t pick that emotion back up, the moment intimate becomes a foreign word. And that is what I am doing now. Putting my career down to figure out what intimate actually means. As it turns out, I never knew.

Sounds like a healthy idea. The blog does contain some of the usual self-help/ L.A. mumbo jumbo, but it also a fascinating window into the mind of a porn star reentering the pedestrian world. How do you meet people now without flirting? Here's her take on this new challenge.

How the fuck am I supposed to approach people if I can’t flirt? If I can’t make a dirty joke or two or four, and if I can’t say the word penis or vagina within 5 minutes of initiating conversation? What the fuck do people talk about anyway? “What’s your sign” just doesn’t seem appropriate. “Can I buy you a drink” doesn’t fly in AA, mostly because the coffee is already free. And “Is that windex in your pants cuz I can see myself in them” will only receive raised eyebrows and uncomfortable laughs. No, I need a new approach method, and I need one quick. So I’ve sat in the meetings over the past week in an awkward state of silence. Which suits the newcomer well.

She's also grateful for her dog's farts and the Mexican men she can pick up easily at Home Depot to help her with her heavy lifting.The explanation for that dog fart business can be found on BecomingJennie.com.

HGTV Star Prevented From Talking To Media Because He's Gay... Or Because He's In Gay Porn?

Christina Ricci Was Born To Be A Porn Sta

Domino's Phallic Pasta Ad is Too Hot For TV

Emily Farris — Tue, 05 May 2009 18:58:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Domino's Pasta Dude commercial stars a penis-shaped piece of pasta rapping while thrusting his noodley hips repeatedly at a family of four and saying the phrase "Pasta Dude" (read: "Prostitute").

It's not really hot, so much as disturbing.

Read more...

Happy Star Wars Day!

Emily Farris — Mon, 04 May 2009 20:31:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: Today is (un)officially Star Wars Day. Why May 4th, you ask? May the 4th be with you, of course. You guys know how much we here at MM love our Star Wars paraphernalia. So in honor of this holiest of nerdy holidays, I present to you the geekiest Star Wars product of all time:

Read more...

Today in WTF: Mom Tries To Shame Her Daughter Into Getting Breast Implants

Emily Farris — Mon, 04 May 2009 20:04:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: We've always had a semi-tortured relationship with MTV's True Life documentaries (who could forget the harrowing "I'm Addicted to Crystal Meth" episode of '02? Or the oddly chilling "I Self-Injure" episode of '07?), but it's been a while since we've been as all-out horrified by one as we were this weekend during "I Hate My Small Breasts" in which Nicole, mother to 18 year old Shacole, tries to shame her daughter into getting breast implants.

Read more...

Miss California Carrie Prejean Appears In New Anti-Gay Marriage Ad

Emily Farris — Fri, 01 May 2009 21:36:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Well, she's certainly not backing down, is she? The commercial is from some group called the National Organization For Marriage and features Miss California's now-famous "no offense" response to Perez Hilton's question. Yesterday the Miss USA runner-up joined NOM to launch the "no offense" ad. This after New Hampshire passed a bill Wednesday to become the fifth state to legalize same-sex marriages. Ms. Prejean, you're only 21 years old and the world is already passing you by...

Read more...

Double Your Pleasure

Emily Farris — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 22:19:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: What is it about retro lithographs that hits on our collective sense of national nostalgia? Actually, that's probably exactly what it is, but regardless, they're just... Cool. And these very, very NSFW retro pin-ups by Mel Ramos are a perfect example of this:

Read more...

"Sex and The City" Sequel: Mr. Big is Back!

Emily Farris — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 21:36:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Sex and The City fans rejoice! Chris Noth is on board. Sarah Jessica Parker, overlord of all things SATC, said so.

SJP also commented on Gilles Marini's involvement in the project. Turns out she could give less of a shit about that shirtless dancing fool.

Read more...

Furverts!

Emily Farris — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 19:19:00 GMT

[Ed Note: Scanner Emily recently ordered this book for herself.]

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: Furvert: (noun) A combination of the words furry and pervert, a furvert likes to have sex while dressed up as an animal. Not to be confused with a classic furry, who does not necessarily get off on the animal costume but just likes to wear it (apparently the difference is a fairly controverial issue).
Furverts: (proper noun) A book devoted to chronicling the phenomenon of furverts.

Peek inside Furverts after the jump. Come on, you know you want to:

Read more...

Desperate Housewife Calls in the Cops in Nude Photo Blog War

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:10:00 GMT

All week, Real Housewives of Orange County star Gretchen Rossi has been at war with offensive website/blog The Dirty over photos the webmaster has been plastering his pages with. The questionable pics include two of Rossi on the toilet and another of her flashing an unnamed photographer, who happened to be operating a motor vehicle at that moment.

Rossi decided free speech has its limits and called in the sheriff...

Here's what The Dirty posted a few hours after that last photo went up:

**Update: Gretchen Rossi has called the Costa Mexico Police Department on me. The best part is that she lied to the Costa Mexico PD stating that someone stole her camera (again). Gretchen, Tune In Tokyo- it’s not your camera.- nik

Of course, it wasn't just the photos that pissed Rossi off to the point of police intervention. It may have had something to do with this:

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, it seems like Gretchen Rossi has a history of ripping off “older men”. Apparently, she has been named in a law suit where she took advantage of an “older man” in a real-estate transaction, that happened 3-4 years ago. Is this true? Sounds like the same thing that her ex’s family is saying as well, “she is a complete fake and preys on the older guys…..” The story continues with her, the truth will come out!

Can someone email me Michelle’s phone number, Jeff’s ex-wife. I need answers, the DIRTY ARMY needs the truth.- nik

She's probably upset, the Dirty suggests, because the topless photo was taken by one of her many rumored lovers... although, of course, the website offers no conclusive proof.

Via TMZ.

Related:

Drunkenness No Longer an Excuse for Being a Creepy Old Man

While You Were Sleeping: Teen Faces Prison For Having An Abortion

Sexy Garden Gnomes Offend Wankers

Men Have Been Waiting For These Jessica Biel Topless Photos Since 1997

Look at These F-ing Hipsters

Colleen Kane — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 19:06:00 GMT

A new favorite blog is spreading like wildfire on these internets the past few days, and when I read the title I could not click the link fast enough:

Look at This Fucking Hipster.

It's hard on the streets for a pimp, and as LATFH captions the above entry, "It's actually really hard to be a pimp when all your bitches have trust funds."

My favorite photo/caption combo has this caption: "This is what a retarded chicken looks like."

Street justice! Now whomever is behind this Tumblr blog just needs to get a digital camera and quit with the fuzzy phone pictures.

Related:

If No One Is a Hipster, Why Are They Everywhere?

Deep "That's What SHE Said" Thoughts On... Hipster Sexuality

Clever Hipsters Re-Name Bush Street Obama Street

More Than Meets the Eye

Emily Farris — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 20:19:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: Ladies (and curious gentlemen), meet JoJo. Designed to fit in the palm of your hand and resemble something between a compact and a portable massager, JoJo is a clit stimulator with a couple of unexpected surprises:

Read more...

Things That Shouldn't Exist: USB Tampon

Emily Farris — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 22:01:00 GMT

[Ed Note: Scanner Emily totally disagrees with the sentiment in the headline.]

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: Just when you thought it might be safe to explore ironic flash drives, someone had to go and invent the USB tampon. And guess what? It gets worse:

Read more...

Cute & Cuter

Colleen Kane — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 20:00:00 GMT

Cute and Cuter is a simple but great idea for a Tumblr blog: it's just photos of cute guys with other cute things, like animals and toddlers. But for those of us who worked at Naked Man Magazine, it goes to illustrate the challenge of that job that cute is in the eye of the beholder.

For example...

In a few of the photos, we find neither party cute, but we don't want to single them out because they're real people, not celebs. In others, only the guy is cute (we don't care for the yipyip animals).

Some photos are cute only because of the non- (Jonas) boy element.

But some are cute & cuter.

Caption from Cute and Cuter: I cropped the beautiful woman he was with out of this, because this blog is not about cute couples.

Hell yes.

Related:

Reading Scanner is So Gay!

PC World Picks The 11 Worst Blogs

Blogs That Ain't Sh*t But Hos and Tricks

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse is "Back in the Saddle"

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 22:34:00 GMT

That girl from Twilight will play Joan Jett in a still unnamed film about The Runaways. [AfterEllen]

The saddest thing we've seen all day: 11 extinct animals that have been photographed alive. [EcoWorldly]

The most depressing thing we've seen all day: the unfolding story of the hostage situation in Binghamton, NY. [CNN]

We (read: Scanner Emily) still need your 10 stars. Real bad. Because we need $200. Real bad. Pretty please? [MissedTees]

We (read: Scanner Collen) still need you to vote for our dream photography assignment. Because we also need $50,000. Real bad. Pretty please? [Name Your Dream Assignment]

Now all three of your Scanners are on Twitter, even though only one of us stays true to the Scanner name. [Scanner Emily, Scanner Colleen, Scanner Brian]

Remember yesterday when Madonna threw a party to celebrate an adoption that hadn't yet been approved? Um, yeah. Maybe not the best idea she ever had. [Us]

Apparently there was a fractured penis scene in last night's ER finale. Was it a swipe at Grey's Anatomy? [The Remote Island]

On April 11 Alternative Nation Countdown Takeover, a show on Sirius radio, will premiere new solo material from Rivers Cuomo that features Jason Schwartzman Rainn Wilson. Weird. Cool. [Rolling Stone]

According to a post on her MySpace blog this morning (obviously not written by her) Amy Winehouse is hard at work on her third album. We'll believe it when we hear it. Either way, we thought you'd enjoy seeing this picture again. [MySpace]

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's New Single Life

"My dog humped your leg. I wanted to."

Support a Scanner or Two

[Image, Image]

Shirt of the Day: Girlfight

Emily Farris — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 17:47:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: But... That girl isn't even wearing a shirt!!! I guess she didn't see this was available:

Read more...

This Belly-Button Ring Gives You a Total Boner

Emily Farris — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 19:50:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: Belly-button rings have been known to cause arousal (of the sexual kind) in some people, but how often does it cause the wearer to "rise to the occasion"? When you have this:

Read more...

The Worst-Ever Dates

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 16:10:00 GMT

A group of "loyal Scanner readers" have created a Post-Secret style blog for anonymous worst-date ever stories.

Some of them sound like good times to us... but, then again, the above photo appears to be an entertaining evening...

We're sure you guys can top these supposed "whoppers," which are more your typical lame date than horrible, tragic, Best-of-Craigslist-worthy tale:

I met a nice and attractive girl at a bar so I asked her out. She told me there was this restaurant she was dying to try so I made reservations for Friday night. The dinner was good, but very expensive. ...she suggested another fancy place. I obliged, but I was determined to go somewhere cheap if it continued beyond the second date. We had great conversation and I was definitely interested in dating her because she was smart, beautiful and well traveled. When I asked her out for date number three I suggested we go bowling. She... proceeded to pout throughout the date. I asked her what was wrong and she explained that dating was the only way she ever got to try these upscale restaurants since she was fired from her job six  months prior. She said she really missed her old lifestyle. I flat out asked her if she had any interest in me beyond my ability to take her to dinner and she shrugged her shoulders. I gave her ten bucks for a taxi and walked out.   
He took me to a local sushi joint and I guess I became quiet because of nerves or something. Frustrated, he picked up a conversation with the two women on my other side. I thought, 'I have got to loosen up here,' but instead proceeded to get drunk on sake. After dinner we went to his house and he asked me if I would like some Champagne and next thing I know I wake up on his couch around 4:00 am. "Hello?" I asked. He comes out of his room and tells me that I passed out so he left me on the couch. Embarrassed, I decide to make it up to him and bring him a bouquet of balloons later that day. I made it to his place, but heard about three or four of the balloons pop thanks to the cottage cheese ceiling in the hallway. He was not home so I wrapped the attached ribbons to the door handle with the card. Before I could tie them in a knot, I lost a few more.
I was obliterated. I stumbled into the bathroom at one point and tripped over an area rug. As my entire body pitched forward toward the sink, I caught a glimpse of my long hair suspended straight up in the air. My mouth, which was about to be a canal for projectile vomit, connected with the rim of the sink. Gonk. When I stood up, bleary-eyed, my two front teeth were broken in half. Like a West Virginia meth addict's. I panicked--but only slightly. Then I puked. I walked out and showed my boyfriend my jagged smile ("loooooook!"), already crying. He had been fixing something on his drum set. He started crying immediately, saying, "You're gonna hate me!" Then he bent over the skeleton of his drum set, bared his front teeth, and smashed his face into the metal. Gonk. Half his two front teeth were gone. Now that's love.
...before I knew it, the girl next to me was deep in conversation with my date, ignoring everyone else around. “Oh where do you live?... Where do you work? Oh wow, my shoulder hurts, doc! Maybe I could see you!” Pretty soon they were the only ones talking and then they exchanged numbers right in front of me! At some point during the crazy evening, he also informed me that he had on leopard print tighty whities with monkeys on them. Great times. I guess the moral of the story is, just because you’re a dreamy doctor, doesn’t mean you can’t also be a douche.

Maybe the moral of these stories is to avoid restaurants and booze. What do you think?

Via MyVeryWorstDate.

Related:

6 Tips on Cheating And Getting Away with It

Trend Alert: Women Leaving Men For Other Women

Live Blogging SXSWi: Sexual Exploitation and Self

Live Blogging SXSWi: Sex Lives of the Microfamous

Scanner Highs and Lows: The Week That Happened Before This One That We Know is Now Over

Bend That Table Over

Emily Farris — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 17:48:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: If you like your coffee table like you like your women (or men), then you'll love this:

Read more...

Sacha Baron Cohen Tries to Seduce Ron Paul, Hilarity Ensues

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 19:31:00 GMT

The Bruno movie doesn't come out in July, but thanks to the internet, much of the jokes have already been ruined.

First, there was the whole gay Arkansas wrestling match. Then, that airport runway show. And rumor after rumor... until now.

Last night, the new Sacha Baron Cohen previewed at SXSW in a 20-minute version and Twitter twits have been spoiling the story all day. Meanwhile, Slate reports on a Los Angeles screening, which featured the entire director's cut and this instant-classic scene in which Sacha Baron Cohen attempts to seduce Ron Paul in the most hilarious way imaginable...

...Bruno gets the idea that you have to make a sex tape to become famous. (Stop reading here if you want to see the movie unspoiled.)

...Bruno sits across from Ron Paul. ...a light blows out on the set. Bruno apologizes for the technical difficulties and suggests that he and Paul wait in the other room while the crew fixes the light.

The other room, it turns out, is a bedroom. The lighting is low, and the film is now grainy.... There's a spread of Champagne and strawberries and caviar on a table.

Bruno tells Paul to make himself comfortable. Paul sits down on the bed. Bruno turns on some music and starts dancing. Paul is visibly uneasy but doesn't say anything at first. He picks up a newspaper and pretends to read it. "You can tell at each weird gay detail, he [chalks] it up to, This guy is European," says one of the attendees.

Finally, Paul asks what's going on. "Don't worry about it, Dr. Paul," says Bruno, who then unbuckles his belt and drops his pants. At that point, Paul snaps up and storms out of the room.

As Paul is walking away, you can hear him say, several times, something like, "This guy is a queer!" "The word queer comes out of his mouth three or four times," says an attendee. [Slate]

But one blogger rebuts the Slate story:

When Ron Paul came on screen the majority of the audience cheered, clapped, and hollered. The Slate article was inaccurate regarding Ron Paul's scene however. When Bruno pulled his pants down, Paul jumped up and tried to leave the bedroom, but was blocked by Bruno. Paul yelled, "Get out of here," and pushed him aside... he said something to the effect of, "That guy's queerer than blazes." [LRC Blog]

There may be no way of knowing for sure until a) someone leaks the bootleg (soon, we hope!) or b) Larry Charles finally sends us the promised advance screener.

Who Organized The Arkansas Gay Wrestling Match?

Borat Make New Movie Film For You!

Live Blogging SXSWi: Ur Blog Sux and Print is Dead

Emily Farris — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 17:01:00 GMT

Uh oh. Are we about to find out Scanner sucks? From the description:

How to make the most of your blog's "overnight success" (get a book deal! quit your day job!) without letting anonymous commenters make you hate yourself in the process. Panelists: Ben Huh (CEO, I Can Has Cheezburger?), Christian Lander (Writer, Stuff White People Like), Kerry Miller (passiveaggressivenotes.com), Heather Armstrong (Pres, Blurbodoocery Inc), Ana Marie Cox (Natl Correspondent, Air America).

12:31 EST
Intros.

"In addition to political ass fucking I...." -Anna Marie Cox. She no longer has a personal blog, only twitters.

Christian Lander is cuuuute!

Kerry Miller. Not a man. Recently moved from NY to Austin.

Armstrong is preggers. Has a book coming out next week "It Sucked and Then I Cried."

12:32
First topic: death threats. Even lolcat guy has received death threats. Suspicious packages, pizzas in the middle of the night. "Once you become somewhat known in the Internet, when they find out who you are, they try to find out a lot more about you than you'd want them to know." –Huh

12:34
After a Palin post, Armstrong got a note "I know where you live and I'm going to come kill you." People didn't want to hear how much she hated America. She didn't take it seriously or give it too much attention. She ignored it.

Miller says she's not so Zen.

12:35
Lander talks about death threats hate meal. Pay extra $50 for anonymizing, he says, when registering a domain. Cox says there are downsides to being Internet famous. She says none of them thought a career would come from their blogs.

12:38
How did Lander starts? What do white people do instead of watching "The Wire." Started blog in January. Book deal by end of March. He started it as a joke. (Scanner Emily thinks these are the best blogs anyway).

Miller said she'd been working on magazine stories but started this blog because she was living with three roommates, leaving passive agressive notes. She says don't start a blog b/c you want to be internet famous or get a book deal—people can tell. Not that her blog is "sprinkled with authenticy dust," she says. She's talking about the doucebags (I called them that, not her) who start blogs just to get book deals and suck at it.

12:41
Scanner commenter Dippy Gumball asks "how do you know what is a serious death threat vs. someone being dumb? And have you ever received marriage proposals?" Huh says everyone on the Internet is a doucegbag. Amazing how much hate mail I Can Haz Cheeseburger gets! He said they've had people propose to each other on the site! Miller said crazies are easy to write off (true that!). "Sometimes what they say they want is not what they really want." Lander has had three marriage proposals, but is married (damn!). He doesn't engage hate mail. He doesn't give a fuck if people don't like him. Armstrong said ppl have shown up to her UPS address asking if she lives there, but she did get one piece of mail at her home address. Huh got voice mail. "If someone is willing to expose their personal life to hate you, that's something you should take seriously," says Huh.

12:45
Woman asks, you're famous on the Internet... but what about the real world. "How do you deal with meeting people who don't understand Internet culture?" Cox jokes that she wants to start an advice column for people who are internet famous. First problem: people don't know we're famous. Lander said if you get mad at ppl who not knowing who you are.. "come on!" Huh can't walk 5 feet without getting a cat rubbed up against his leg. Cox said he gets a lot of pussy. Laughter ensues.

12:47
Guy from PETA's blog asks: "how do we be more funny?" The room laughed! Lander says "step one: ease up on the paint." Someone suggested LOLchickens. Huh says make fun of yourself. Huh says "we're internet famous which means we're no better than Steve Erkel. He's more likely to get recognized on the street." Lander points out his name is Jaleel White.

12:49
Someone asks bloggers who are writers: "Does being a blogger change the way you write?" She name checked her blog; self promotion! (I didn't catch them). Armstrong said she started as a blogger, book was to get people to take her seriously. Blog makes much more money. She hated writing the book and doesn't think her marriage could survive another. Book is like running a marathon, blogging is like sprinting. Lander says he's a failed writer in every medium but blogging. Thought "I'll write a book one day..." Cox says you have to stop caring, don't worry about the distinctions, just write. Meanwhile, I'm crushing hard on married Christian Lander. Miller worked as a freelance writer and said starting the blog was really humbling. More people read her cursing and funny pictures than longer articles she spends more time/thought on (I feel you Kerry). She said blogging had made her more ADD (I feel you again Kerry). She says blogging is kind-of like crack, you put it up there and get immediate feedback (I feel you yet again Kerry).

12:56
Woman asks once the books were published what kind of different reaction did you get? Huh says he has no writing ability and bought the website (that was getting really famous) from somebody else. He says when you get into publishing you are the talent. They want to listen to what you have to say, they have expertise but don't let them change who you are. You can change a little but don't sell out. "Act like a rockstar." Lander says he was lucky, publisher wanted him to keep doing what he was doing, but for them. They gave him control, he barely changed anything. His worked out really well. He wanted it to be paperback all the way, they agreed. All they wanted was to put exclusive content in the book. (Lucky!). Armstrong had a completely opposite experience.She was sued by a publishing company and paid a lot of money to NOT write a book. She says it's been a horrible experience.

12:59
Cathy Erway asks if you feel like you're endlessly committed/married to your blogs? Would you get death threats? Huh makes another funny. Armstrong says one of the drawbacks to doing it professionally is that you do not get to take a break. Ever. Lander says people always tell him what white people like. It's never going to go away. He'll take it to his death. He says if that's the worst thing he has to do it's a fair price to pay. Cathy asks, are you fine doing it for the rest of your career? Lander says, we'll see. Kerry said she started hers very not goal oriented. She'll do it as long as it's still fun and she's getting something out of it. She admits it's getting harder to make the same kinds of things funny. She said if it was her whole life she would kill herself. Cox quit because it was too much. She said not so much negativity, but the ability to leave the house. It becomes something you have to do all the time. She says if you want to quit do it. She traded something she loved and didn't get to leave, for something she doesn't love as much but she's out in the real world. Huh says people mistake blogging with themselves. Get other people to blog. Separate who you are from what you do. Plug in somebody else to run your blog for you, take the money and pay them. "It actually works, it's called a business." (Good question, Cathy!)

1:04
"Drunk" girl asks, how do you determine your boundaries of what you will and won't write about? Lander says the truth is where all the humor comes from, his one boundary is abortion. Cox jokes that her next book is going to be all about her abortion. Armstrong doesn't write about sex life (I think? I missed it a little). Cox says there's nothing she won't write about. "Nothing is sacred."

1:06
Guy points out, all of you made the jump to print. So how is print dead? (It's not).

1:09
Another guy asks: great idea vs. great voice? (Stuff White People Like vs. Cox). Can you speak to the difference? Do you need a great idea to turn your blog into a book? Yes answers across the panel. Does voice matter? Lander says it's idea and execution, be able to sum it up: what is this about in a short amount of time. Blogs that do everything (hello, Scanner!) no book deal (good thing!).

1:11
Woman asks "how do you deal with the spewage of AOL speak without wanting to hurt these people?" Huh says he knows how to write. Woman brings up people who can't spell, can't write but CAN leave nasty comments. Tidal wave of bad English is the future says Huh. Lander says it's not just the commenters on blogs. College freshman still can't get you're vs your. He says you have to let it go in a sense (Never! says Scanner Emily). Miller says commenters had declared themselves kings and hated new commenters, then others who were racist, homphobic and she had to think a lot about how to take control back. She decided to feature one GOOD comment of the day, instead of people who comment most. Then they saw that those were the kinds of comments she wanted, it helped "self police" the commenting/community. And she started another part of the site for off topic conversations. Lander said if you write about race in any capacity the "your" problem is the least of the problems.

1:17
Guy says he has a shitty blog with huge readership. Should he sell out now? Panel says aim higher than being on the other side of the microphone. Lander says if it's what you love, don't stop. Huh says if people hate you, you've made it. He says being hated by mainstream media gives you street cred. Armstrong says if you're okay with therapy get a therapist, it will happen. Moral of story: ignore the comments.

1:22
Guy asks what small changes can you make to make the community a little better? Huh says it's understanding your audience.

1:23
Guy named Miles asks about people who are unhealthily attracted to you/think they know you? Cox says if you write about a certain kind of sex, you get a lot of weird kind-of email, some weird proposals. Armstrong says while there is negativity, there is so, so, so much good. She said her readers saved her life, encouraging her to check into the hospital with PPD. She said because she writes about being crazy she attracts the crazy.

1:26
Guy says do you/will you find yourself gravitating toward more serious material? Lander and Cox say no. Huh says again, blogging is not a cult of personality. It doesn't have to be just your voice. Encourage people to participate with you and you'll develop a filter to figure out the bullshit from the good stuff. Lander says he gets lots of terrible unsolicited entries.

1:28
Miller asks the money question. Advertising money sucks right now. She said if she started her blog today, would she be sitting here three years from now. "Huh says know where you spend your money and count every fucking penny of it... live frugally." Cox says the only industry in America that has a more fucked business model than blogging is book publishing. Huh explains how book deals/advance works. (Scanner Emily is still waiting for royalties. Buy my book! Pretty please!)

Live Blogging SXSWi: Sexual Exploitation and Self

Emily Farris — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 22:00:00 GMT

Another South by Southwest Interactive talk on sex, another live blog from Scanner Emily. I'm still getting used to love bloging so try to bear with me. This one will be good: sexual exploitation with blogger Violet Blue. From the description:

Sexual exploitation and sexual expression are inherent in everyone's online experiences, whether intentional or not. Bloggers, community site users, community managers, web celebs -- everyone will eventually face a sexuality-related crisis where knowing the difference, and how to protect yourself is crucial. From the personal to the professional, we will demonstrate and discuss instances, legal realities and tactics for survival and success. We'll also cover the import and impact of the Lori Drew/MySpace Suicide trial (where Drew was convicted of a federal misdemeanor for violating MySpace's terms of service in order to bully a teenager), Missouri and California's new cyberbullying laws -- and how it all applies to sexual expression and sexual attacks for individuals and social network websites.

6 PM EST
Violet Blue needs no introduction. Asks if anyone knows anoyone who's been stalked or harassed on line or in person.

How do people express themselves sexually online? ? Sex blogging. Personal ads. Creating a dating profile. Taking provocative self portraits. Using a sexy image on a social networking site. Looking for hook ups in chat room. Twittering sexy things. All intentional self expression. Two of her friends twittered a silmultaneous orgasm, in all caps.

Unintentional: Other people putting things about you in a sexual context online? Pictures? Tweets? Blog posts? Wow. Huge foot fetish groups on flickr? Your feet might appear there and you have no control.

VB says clicking a gender box (say in Facebook) it makes you a target for a certain kind of attention. Once you say you're a woman (or man) you get SPAM. True that. You get unintentionally sexualized doing just about anything. VB points out it depends on context.

6:04
She asked what does sexual harassment look like? I brought up that I hate it when men tell me to smile. A man says he tells people to smille all the time. He doesn't think of it the way I do. He's from the south.

6:06
VB asks what it looks like online? Comments on photos. People asking inappropriate questions about your sex life online. "We hate..." Facebook groups. Trolls. Comments positive or negative can be unintentional sexualization, one man says. Say: a woman posts about tech or politics and gets comments on how beautiful she is.

6:10
Idea of anonymous blogging comes up again. I really am going to have to write at length on this.

6:13
Lots of "punishing" happens online when relationships go sour. Terrorizing people.

6:13
VB consulted a HR expert to see if she could apply what sexual harassment looks like at work to what it looks like online. What structures are in place to make sure these things don't happen online?

6:16
Online and offline. Both bleed into real life. Points out "Jefferson" a sex blogger in New York who was married, openly bi, very active in the queer community. They had two kids, got divorced and as a new divorcee started blogging about his life. Wanted to interweave it all. Old sex life, new sex life, being a dad. Blogged about everything. The ex wife found it, put pieces together and decided she was going to use it against him in court to sue for full custody of their children. Him being seen as a bi male and a "dirty sex blogger" is turning him into a sexual minority in this case. Conservative judges. It's working. He's forced into therapy, sreening. All to see if he's fit to raise his children.

6:18
Guy asks, what's the moral of that story. VB says intentional online sexual exporation being used to get back at/ get at people. Man (co-moderato) points out in general sexual exploitation online is being used to hurt people.

6:19
VB brings up the Megan Meyers (sp?) case. The Missouri girl who killed herself after the mother of another young girl harassed her online. Local prosecuters tried to find a way to punish the mom, but no laws fit because it was indirect from the Internet. (Same thing came up at anonymous blogging conversation Saturday: there's no regulation online, so there are not really any laws.) Prosecutor find a way to prove she violated hacking laws using fake name when signing up for MySpace. It was a violation of the TOS.

6:24
VB telling personal story of transgendered friend who had one identity online one in the real world (as a teenager). Happens a lot with MySpace, I think. Co-moderater says no regulation works because it's a safe space for teens to do things like come out, but the no regulation also makes it a dangerous space.

6:26
Guy in argyle points out people will say worse things when they can hide behind fake/no identity. Same reason I think anonymous blogging is a bad thing (mostly). Woman asks what if it's an actual boy who was flirting with her then turned her down, would Megan still have killed herself? So now we blame social media? Man notes had the mother sent paper notes through the USPS would the prosecution have been the same?

6:30
Woman points out for teens, social networking is the only way they really communicate. For adults it's something to play with. Previous woman says: is this a good reason for parents to monitor what the kids do on social networking. I pointed out that because parents don't know the internet, how can they talk to their kids about staying safe on the internet? Another woman pointed out: AND what if they don't know how to talk to their kids about sex? A man thinks it will get better as time goes on. I agree. After the first generation of Internet kids (I guess mine?) start having kids, they should hopefully be able to talk to them about safety/sexuality on the Internet.

6:32
VB points out laws are not catching up with what's happening with technology. Uses Twitter as an example. No policy for stalking, harassing, sexual attacks. Woman had a stalker, would leave terrible Tweets, but then would delete them (even though they still show up in RSS). Co-mod says Twitter's TOS say no user can harass another online, but Twitter decided not to help this woman because there was no definition for a situation like this. WTF?

6:36
VB asks, when you come under attack sexually, what is your goal? How do you handle it? Can you remove yourself from it? Is there recourse? Do you have a hard time talking about it if it's a "sex thing?" What if some of it is true? "Remember that a lot of what's going on with the attack is you at the computer.... remove yourself from the situation and look at it objectively."

6:39
"One thing you can choose to do is ignore it." Determine the threat level. Will it hurt you in real life or is your harasser trying to get a rise out of you. She tells a personal story about her "trolls," ones who edited her wikipedia page and added untrue facts. (This is being recorded, by the way. Will try to get a link.)

6:45
VB points out that Hearts (publishes the Chronicle, where she has her column) is very complicated, and conservative. Some there stand behind her "1,000%" and try to keep her safe from "trolls."

6:47
Her ideas to fix it (if the first doesn't fix it go to the next):

1. ignore
2. report
3. record (everything! take screen caps so you have it even if your "troll" deletes the harassing words/pictures/etc.. VB publishes her death threats on her website with full headers. ballsy, but nice.. one woman asks if that puts her at fault if a fan were to do something to that person... good question)
4. strike back? (on her list, we haven't discussed it yet.. probably publishing threatening emails with headers, it's recording and striking back)
5. get help?
6. protect yourself

6:56
Another woman suggests getting social support (could fall under #5: get help) even if it's just friends, other bloggers, etc.

6:59
How do you protect yourself? VB points out there really is no such thing as 'unpublish.' Whatever is out there will end up archived somewhere. Even if something goes up for just a second, you can never take it back. VB says: If you have something sexually to hide, if you feel like someone is going to out you over, the best course of action is to out yourself first because then you have control over the situation.

7:01
VB talks about a lover she had who didn't want to be outed. Then she got an email from Gawker. Decided to out herself first "in a polite, objective contex" in hopes of not harming her lover, Xeni (from BoingBoing, who is apparently pronounced "Jenny," I did not know this). Valleywag was all over it.

7:05
Discussion still going but I have to run to a food blogger party. Hopefully there will be a link to the audio online soon!

[Image]

Live Blogging SXSWi: Sex Lives of the Microfamous

Emily Farris — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 20:30:00 GMT

After three days of trying, I finally made it to South by Southwest Interactive. While I'm here I get to sit in on some great panels and discussions about geeks, love and geek love. On today's schedule a conversation about the sex lives of the microfamous (think Julia Allison... who is here, I wonder if she'll make an appearance). I've been Twittering most of my adventures and misadventures in Austin, but I figure this one is worth live blogging. From the description:

What kind of person talks about their sex and dating life on the internet? Someone desperate for attention? Or someone who already has lots of it? For the microfamous, having a relationship in public is as much a potential career boost as it as a vulnerability.

So far, in these discussions I've felt like it's been me against the room (including one where people thought bloggers have every right to be anonymous). For this one I'll talk less and blog more, but I must apologize in advance: our painfully slow server can take up to fifteen minutes to update, so until the end of the discussion, the posts will be sporadic at best.

4:30 EST
Nick Douglass (moderator and director of BuzzFeed) introducing himself. People who never thought they'd be blogging their personal lives were sharing lots of personal details on Facebook and Twitter, moving away from live blog.

Talk about how people deal with having relationships and a sex life when everyone can see a running feed of what you're doing. How do people handle seeing your relationships play out in real time.

4:35
First topic open to the room: talking about pictures with other people. When they show up on Flickr or Facebook, do people ask you about it? Who were you with?

4:36
Melissa Gira Grant (co-moderator, Nick's girlfriend, apparently) "refreshing the page is not going to give me any answers." Pick up the phone.

4:38
How many people have unfriended an ex? I told my story! I deleted my ex from all of my social networking lists, and rejected his friend request a year later. I'm not the only one.

4:48
As a blogger, or public person, do you talk to the person you're seeing or about to see about how much of your personal live(s) will end up on the blog? For me (Scanner Emily) it's hard, but I try only to mention antecdotes in passing if they relate to a story I'm writing (e.g. I once dated a guy who wouldn't go down on me, blah, blah).

4:43
Author of The Man Plan: Drive Men Wild, Not Away talking about her personal experience, being transparent about a few things, not all.

4:45
Nick says bloggers (even Gawker) might not always be so cruel to the Microfamous, but the commenters are. (So are some of you Scanner commenters!)

4:46
Man points out more revelation done in the comments than on the actual websites.

4:47
Melissa says she made a vow to not look at comments for the first two weeks when she started writing at Valleywag. I (Scanner Emily) almost cried the first few weeks I was at Scanner. Man, you guys hated me! She points out that as a woman writing about sex, people will sexualize her. Also, I'm confused. She talked about coming out, being queer, but I thought she was with Nick. Maybe not?

4:50
Woman says if you put yourself in public, that's the rules of the game. People will comment and say mean things. There's nothing you can do. Melissa says there is: call them on it. Another woman asks if writers/bloggers have a tendency to write about their relationships and people they interact with. (Yes, we do. Though some of us try to be discreet.) She points out that because of Google she feels blocked. She has a No-Google policy when she first starts dating someone: I won't google you, don't google me. I (Scanner Emily) do that with people I start dating, too. Especially if I meet them online. But, she says she told someone "I could tell you this story, but why don't you go read about it on my blog?"

4:45
Woman with awesome pink hair says that people who come to see her (in unnamed public format) leave horrible comments about her. Digital format into her real life. She chooses not to read them because they're terrible. See commeters, words can hurt us!

4:55
Woman says by default she does not blog the name of the person she's seeing. Duh. I never would either. Guy she's seeing not okay with pictures either. Totally understandable. She says we take pictures and tag them in media world, that's what we do to be nice to each other here (SXSWi, media world at large) but people not in media don't see it that way.

4:57
We're talking about writing about lovers. One woman says it's a tool for telling the story about who you are. I (Scanner Emily) think it's fine as long as you aren't specific (or, well, if the person will never read it... bearded bartender dad).

4:59
Woman asks, what about the microfame component? People who write about themselves and their sex lives to reach a level of notoriety? Turn it into job opportunities, traffic, etc.

5:02
Melissa wants to talk about "leveraging who you fuck to get ahead." Woman who works in music industry says if she sleeps with someone at work she becomes "that girl." She says Facebook is great for making things private but it takes a lot of time.

5:04
One sex blogger said to her lover "your name on my blog will be Johanna." Another woman asks if this is negotiating a contract. Melissa says if she gets written about on a dating sex blog, she wants a linkback. So many different levels of privacy, and everybody wants a different one. So hard to navigate.

5:05
Guy brings up we're publishing everything so we'll live forever on the Internet. I (Scanner Emily) wonder if my grandkids will read my Twitter feed someday? Or Scanner? Never thought about that.

5:06
Melissa says it's impossible to put your whole life on the internet. She says a lot but there's a lot she doesn't say. (Me, too). I brought up finding my grandmother's letter about losing her virginity. It will be on such a larger scale when we're dead. Our kids and grandkids and great grandkids will know everything!

5:09
Older man (oops David Carr, thanks Rachel Sklar) points out, "historically, there is nothing kids find less interesting than their parents' sex life."

5:12
Woman who works in TV doesn't believe in monogamy, wonders how much she has to be transparent about those things... Wonders if her sex life will be shocking or will it help her to control it later on down the road?

5:14
Rachel Sklar says when you add a public element, and things aren't going well, you self edit, you add a PR element. Ha. We're our own relationship spin doctors. How does this affect the relationship, though?

5:17
Woman asks if Tweeters worry about stalkers? I think if you're worried about that you should lock your Twitter or not blog specifics of where you're going. Again, it's the different privacy levels thing. I only Tweet my location at SXSW so my friends here can find me here. But when I was in New York? No way. If I have a stalker and he wants to make his way to Austin and buy a badge to find me in meeting room 5, I at least owe him a handshake and a smile, right? Okay, not really but you know what I'm saying.

5:23
Melissa says it's an ongoing process of curating what's on the web about us. Amen.

5:24
How many of us are happy with our top result on Google? I'm okay with mine, but I bet it won't stay there forever. Nick points out you need your side of the story showing up. Try to get it up to the top. Luckily, my site(s) show up first most of the time/so far. But it will probably change someday.

5:25
Woman from How Not to Get Fucked as a Blogger discussion talking about how she was outed after she wrote a book based on her sex blog. All anonymous (until she was outed of course). She believes bloggers should be anonymous. I do not. Maybe I'll write about it at length later. She says be careful what you say but try to have power in other mediums so you can have some control over what's out there about you. She has dealt with the British press, though. Apparently those guys and gals are first-class fuckers.

5:28
Two minutes to the end of the panel and "doucebag" is finally used. Thanks, Rachel Sklar.

5:29
Guy warns about updating FB relationship status. I took all alerts off of mine. And it does not say my relationship status. Won't. Don't want to do that to myself or anyone else. Ever.

5:30
Melissa points out tools that seem inoffensive make us share more and more of our lives. And that everybody is blogging about sex, whether we're doing it intentionally or not. Of course, it's all we think about. Well for me sex and food. And shoes. And how broke I am. But still. Closing words "be brave, take up space and let the douchebags look like the douchebags they are."

[Image]

Our Favorite Stripper Wants You To Be Patriotic, Drink PBR

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 21:09:00 GMT

Our resident stripper, Jocelyn Testes-Harder has been MIA for several months. She hasn't been at Charlie's, the downtown Richmond, Virginia club where the sometime office manager moonlights under the name, well, Jocelyn. We haven't seen her around the county dump either, although they just got in some new kids toys leftover from a fire sale.

Her neighbors haven't seen her around-- and we even checked with that guy with the night vision camera and binoculars. So, we'll have to make do with her last transmission to us, which was about her lazy, no-good, long-suffering fiancee and the joys of American patriotism mixed with cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer...

Q. Jocelyn, Joceyln... can you hear me?

A. Yeah... I don't know what it is about the sight of a man doing nothing that just makes my blood boil!

Q. I hear ya.

A. I know Phil works hard, and I respect that. But that don't mean he's gotta sit on ass and watch football every Sunday when I've got other things in mind that he could be doing. Of course I realize that Phil needs to relax sometimes. That's what sleep is for!

Q. Don't you think you're being harsh? I mean, you guys aren't even married yet and already you're bustin' balls?

A. I guess he doesn't get the fact that our life together started the minute he proposed. He seems to think that just because we're not living together yet he can still spend hours at his own house, doing his own thing. He already knows that as soon as he buys our new house I'm going to rent out my townhouse, but he hasn't even bothered to post it on Craigslist for me! I can't wait until we're living in a nice planned development, and I've got Phil under my thumb where he belongs. All doubt will be removed because I'll be able to plan his day for him, and adjust the schedule thoughout the day. He won't have to worry about pissing me off any more, because I'll make sure that he's always doing the right thing. Then we'll both be happy!

Q. Okay, we can see how your life is going to change as a married woman again. But how will your life change under our new President?

A. It's time to roll up our sleeves, slip on our stretchy "USA" sweat wristbands, and get back to work on this little project we call America. It's time to clean all that dog snot off our cars' rear passenger windows. Define telemarketing as a form of terrorism. And lock the kids out of the house for the entire summer. If those brats get thirsty they can drink from the hose!)

Q. Okay, no need to shout. I can hear you just fine. Do you have any advice for drastic steps Obama can take to make a change in your life?

A. Take bold steps... like turn our backs on creamed corn... rename "French fries" as "Early stroke fries". Legalize THC to maximize our paranoia level. Wear a thong to church to be closer to God. And deliberately mess with Texas, after having been repeatedly warned.

Q. Have you been following the Prop 8 debacle in C--

A. It's time to develop a genre of gay rap music. Help the homeless, or admit that we can't, and execute them. Win the race to develop the world's first scabies-proof mattress.

Q. Is Bill O'Reilly and Fox News the greatest threat to our general sanity?

A. We need to capture Bill O'Reilly alive, and seal him inside of an unventilated see-through coffin. Then we're gonna have a Pabst. And it's gonna be good....

[transmission cut]

Related:

PETA Gives Up, Decides to Just Have All-Stripper Campaigns

Holiday Shopping Tips From A Stripper

Tips From A Stripper: On Saving The Environment

Tips From A Stripper

This Whole Chris Brown and Rihanna Story Is Getting Sicker By The Day

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 18:46:00 GMT

One of the saddest celebrity relationship stories of all-time gets worse by the day. Yesterday, a tabloid published Rihanna's personal phone number, Chris Brown obtained a reprieve and... oh no... now there are strong rumors that the two may have gotten married in secret.

There must be something we can do to put a stop to the madness...

1) Defamer reported that Extra, in their published report on the Chris Brown search warrant, failed to properly and entirely redact the phone numbers included in the affidavit. Defamer called one of the numbers and got what appears to be Rihanna's voice on a voice mail. Great, just what this girl needs-- more people bothering her.

2) Yesterday, Brown appeared in court for his arraignment on two felonies but will not have to enter a (not) guilty plea until April 6th. TMZ speculates that the singer may try for a plea deal to make this case go away-- although, without Rihanna playing ball for them, the prosecution might have a tough time winning a jury trial against him. Later on, Chris went out partying with just his bodyguards, staying out until almost four o'clock in the morning. This guy just doesn't know what the hell he's doing, does he?

3) The blog Geno's World is as pissed about all this as we are. They, like many Rihanna fans and other observers, are pulling their hair out at the idea that Rihanna is sticking with this guy and may have even married him, as if that's going to help anything. He's clearly not going to learn how to behave by being rewarded with your devotion. Geno asked a convicted murderer what would happen to Chris Brown in prison... out of pure curiosity, of course. Of course.

"He better come prepared for some fun. That's all I gotta say. What do I mean? There's a lotta fellas here who love Rihanna and her music. They ain't too happy with what went down. I mean, you can't treat a princess like Rihanna like that. You gotta show some respect for a goddess like that. The guys here would love to show Chris how to really treat a woman. And you know what I mean, Chris would be the woman. That man is too damn pretty. He'd be very popular in here."

These words would be disturbing if we weren't not-so-secretly thrilled to hear them. Is that wrong?

Related:

Rihanna May Not Have Been the Only One Chris Brown Beat Up

Sloppy Seconds: Crazy Baby Lady Even Crazier Than We Thought

Sloppy Seconds: What Will Rihanna Say to Chris Brown?

While You Were Sleeping: Oscar Upsets?

While You Were Sleeping: The Rihanna Nightmare Continues

Will the Real Mr. Skin Please Stand Up?

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 16:51:00 GMT

Would you believe me if I told you I love Mr. Skin? Like, love it, love it? And that I look at it every day? What if I told you it wasn't that Mr. Skin, but instead a ~~Mr.~~ Mrs. Skin that shows the beautiful skins of beautiful misters?

What up, Johnny Depp?

Oh, Owen: you look so cute with a puppy!

Hello there, Javier.

Obviously the blog needs some work, and some more contributions. But this is a good start, and a great use of the name ~~Mr.~~ Mrs. Skin.

[~~Mr.~~ Mrs. Skin]

Related:

**F*ck Yeah, Ryan Gosling!**

And Then Ryan Gosling Reached Down to Take Off Scanner Emily's Wet Panties...

Sloppy Seconds: Are Ryan Gosling and Scanner Emily Wishing Underneath the Same Big Star?

Stay Classyfied: Seeking Elderly Couples For A New Comedy Game Show!

Emily Farris — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 19:35:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Are you old? Do you want to possibly be humiliated? Then you'll love this opportunity...

Read More...

Clothes For Twosomes... Or Threesomes... Or More

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 20:01:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: At the the Jimmy Eat World show on Monday there was this incredibly annoying couple displaying way too much PDA. I would excuse it if they wearing this Sweet-Heart Sweet-Shirt.

Click below for more clothing suited for two (or more):

Read more...

[Pre-Recorded] Live Blogging From the Oscars Red Carpet

Emily Farris — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 19:02:00 GMT

Our not-so-slutty sisters over at The Remote Island live-blogged last night's red carpet parade. Best line of the night: "Marisa Tomei's dress is proof positive that you can do folded catering napkin chic and rock it out."

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: 5:53 PM The Slumdog choreographer is teaching Debbie Matenopoulis bollywood dance moves. We're taking odds on how many segments like this we'll see before the night is out. We're putting the over under at 2.5

Debbie seems over the whole thing after about ten seconds even though the segment continues for another six minutes. "Jai Ho" keeps playing as they cut to every other E! correspondent and crew member following along with the double basketball move.

Read more...