Scanner : books

Celibate Priest Publishes Sex Advice Book

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 May 2009 20:54:00 GMT

It's being touted as "The Catholic Karma Sutra," which is hilarious enough to warrant its own story. The book is by a man who goes by the name of Father Ksawery Knotz, and he's a celibate monk residing in Poland, where his book is selling like sexy hotcakes.

But what does some monk, probably a virgin, know about fornicating? And don't say "depends on if it's with young boys..."

Sex As You Don't Know It: For Married Couples Who Love God is heating up Poland's bestseller lists but, thankfully, several international publications were able to obtain copies. Between two or three of them, we put together a compendium of classic quotes from the text:

"Every act -- a type of caress, a sexual position -- with the goal of arousal is permitted and pleases God.

"During sexual intercourse, couples can show their love in every way, can offer one another the most sought-after caresses."

"Contrary to common belief, the Church does not ban the pleasures of the flesh.”

Husbands must "take care that women experience pleasure... [requiring] extra efforts on the part of the husband."

"Oral Sex is Moral" reads the headline for one chapter, when translated into English

One news source adds: "He says that there is a lot of negative talk about sex in the church, and in his book he wants to reject everything negative and compares it to a football match. Fouls are not allowed, but sex is matches in various leagues. They can be great like in the Premier League, or boring like some local match, he explains. Besides that, the priest considers oral sex and caressing totally normal."

His website, in Polish is apparently here. Sourced from here and here and here.

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A New Book About Sex, Geared For Toddlers And Up

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 May 2009 17:08:00 GMT

Last year, a 1992 book about sex for kids, written by Narelle Wickham, was re-released with little notice.

That's all changed now that Focus on the Family has found out it contains positive messages about same sex marriage, artificial insemination, and a whole host of other "adult" issues. Oh, and it's being marketed for toddlers...

One ad for the book describes it this way:

It includes simple age appropriate descriptions of sexual intercourse, donor insemination, In Vitro Fertilisation and Gamete Intra Fallopian Transfer, as well as pregnancy, birth, adoption, surrogacy, and same-sex parented families. A pioneering book when first published to wide acclaim in 1992, this new edition is now printed in full colour and includes updated content.

That's not how Focus on the Family, America's greatest source of disturbing press releases, sees it:

The controversial publication, Where Did I Really Come From?, also features a drawing of two gay men holding a baby, in a chapter about surrogacy.

The publisher's marketing spruiks the book, which includes in-depth descriptions of sexual intercourse, as suitable to be read to two-year-old children.

"It devalues the traditional family unit and at the very least desensitises us," Focus On The Family spokeswoman Deb Sorensen said.

In a chapter on assisted conception, the book tells children: "Sometimes, a woman really wants to have a baby but she doesn't want to have intercourse with a man. Some women want to bring up a baby by themselves, or with another woman, so the baby gets two mums.

"A woman may go to a doctor who will arrange to get some sperm for her, or a special man she knows may agree to give her some of his sperm."

The book was... relaunched by Learn to Include [publisher of books with positive gay characters and messages.]

Learn to Include's website says the book's "simple, non-judgmental explanations of sexual intercourse, assisted conception, pregnancy, birth, adoption and surrogacy are "suitable for 2-12 year olds". [News.com.au]

The best part of this entire book are these lines:

A woman and a man hug and caress each other, and the woman accepts the man's penis into her vagina. After a while lots of sperm come out of his penis and into her vagina.

Of course, the book does not get into what happens when the man cannot make sperm come out of his penis. Because that would be too much for a two-year-old's brain to process.

Med Student Dies From Legal Party Drug

18-Year-Old Boy Arrested in Most Bizarre Sex Tape Bust Yet

Want A Happy Marriage? Here's the Solution

Sloppy Seconds: The Hipster Grifter Speaks (And She Wants Money)

Emily Farris — Fri, 01 May 2009 23:16:00 GMT

We've heard all about Obama's first 100 days, but what about Hillary Clinton's? Turns out she hasn't had time to read a single book or even see a movie. [NYT]

Watch William Shatner watch the trailer for the Star Trek movie he's not in. [Vulture]

Miley Cyrus would like you to know she's totally not having sex with her 20-year-old boyfriend, telling the Daily Mail, “I want to keep my virginity until I marry. I was brought up in a Christian family.” Yeah, Miley, so were were. [FadedYouth]

Heroes star and Scanner Brian crush Hayden Panettiere is the latest young star to audition for the Footloose remake. [Us]

Kari Farrell, that f-ing nude, f-ing hipster grifter finally showed her face long enough to let the world know that Vice still owes her $200. [Gawker]

Meet the Hipster Grifter from ANIMALmagazine on Vimeo.

Look at This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

Look at This F-ing Email From This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

I Hate Myself for Loving You: Hayden Paniettiere

Furverts!

Emily Farris — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 19:19:00 GMT

[Ed Note: Scanner Emily recently ordered this book for herself.]

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: Furvert: (noun) A combination of the words furry and pervert, a furvert likes to have sex while dressed up as an animal. Not to be confused with a classic furry, who does not necessarily get off on the animal costume but just likes to wear it (apparently the difference is a fairly controverial issue).
Furverts: (proper noun) A book devoted to chronicling the phenomenon of furverts.

Peek inside Furverts after the jump. Come on, you know you want to:

Read more...

Syrian Lingerie Seduces the World

Emily Farris — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:58:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: In an article recently published by Der Spiegel, the mysterious world of Syrian lingerie is revealed in no small detail. It turns out that Syria has become a hub of all things exotic, lacy, feathered, musical (yes, musical) and otherwise. Here are a few scintillating samples:

Read more...

Gah! Don't Let Your Kids Play With Satan's Testicles!

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 13:11:00 GMT

Forgive us for an Easter Bunny photo so frightening, your future grandchild will be traumatized in perpetuity. We were forced to show it due to the seriousness of this situation, in order to draw your attention, much as Strollerderby dramatically alerted us, to What Is REALLY Happening Here In US Americans. Sunday is Easter Bunny Hunting Day, and there will be eggs in your yard, eggs in your trees, eggs in your pants. But did you know these eggs are really... Satan's schweddy balls?

Thank Christ Landover Baptist is on the case and we have their full, dramatic warning for you here...

Are Your Children Playing With Lucifer’s Testicles? is a Christian Bible-based tome that “teaches parents how to easily explain to their children that Easter (as it is celebrated by the Unsaved) has absolutely nothing to do with Jesus Christ but is actually a holiday celebrating lewd and sexually explicit pagan rituals of fertility.”

"Easter Eggs are one of the wiliest tools of the Devil," Daniel Cameroon, the writer of the book declares. "Pagan kids didn't have anything to do on Easter Sunday because their mommies and daddies were stuck in a false temple all day, naked and writhing around with their neighbors in Satanic orgies of the flesh. You see, parents had to come up with a way to occupy their children while they were away from home, praying and fornicating under the altar of Satan. And since they didn't have babysitters back then, they gave their kids eggs to play with and sometimes paint.” He continues to state, "But the reason they chose eggs had nothing to do with any sort of fertility or fertilizers (as some misguided Christian historians would have you believe). Nope, it was because of Lucifer's testicles! Glory to God!”

Strollerderby actually has the damn gall to ask if their readers think Louis Safer's nutsack has been inexpertly hidden in their yards by Hungover Dad. Listen up, SunnyChanel-- if that's your Christian name-- these eggs are indeed the work of the devil. Nothing this delicious could be good for America's decent folk. Leave them in my yard and I will take care of those chocolate salty balls. Amen.

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Anderson Cooper's Mom Likes The Dirty Talk

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 17:16:00 GMT

I, Scanner Brian, used to live in a room in one of the old Vanderbilt mansions-- and let me just say, it was no help in getting laid. What was once a family gem had turned into a wrecking ball-ready hellhole, with peeling paint, nails sticking out of the walls and staircases, windows that wouldn't open or close, and walls that would shake with every passing subway car-- the subway stop being right under my window. Girlfriends who would stay the night early in the romance managed to evade staying over there for up to two years after, despite our continued relationships.

Apparently, it worked wonders for Gloria Vanderbilt-- then again, she probably never lived in that building-- as her new X-rated novel is full of healthy sexual adventures. Vanderbilt, the mother of CNN's Anderson Cooper, is 85-years-old...

Vanderbilt, whose past sexual conquests were Frank Sinatra, Sidney Lumet, and Wyatt Cooper (Anderson's Dad, of course), is out with a book entitled Obsession: An Erotic Tale. At 143 pages, it is, as the Post's Andrea Peyser has already mentioned, "easily read with one hand."

I will begin, softly at first so that you can sleep a few more minutes, the long, slow, delicious process of licking your ----, and since I must have your honey milk . . . I will struggle to stay quiet . . . Master, I whisper as you surrender to our ecstasy."

Dare I suggest to be placed fully dressed over our favorite ottoman . . . That done, placed over your knees, skirt lifted, begging you not to restrain yourself in giving my flesh the serious whacking I deserve. An ebony, smooth-backed hairbrush -- most appropriate. The Mason-Pearson are considered the finest, and it would be no trouble, while you are in London, to pick one up of a heft that pleases you at Harrods.

Ludicrous or luscious? You tell us.

The 85-year-old socialite mom of Anderson Cooper says her X- rated novel, "Obsession: An Erotic Tale," came straight out of her subconscious as she slept. "It was all surreal, and then I channeled it onto pages," she told The Post's Georgett Roberts at the Na tional Arts Club gala for Joyce Carol Oates. The steamy read, first revealed this week by Andrea Peyser, is about "sex on many levels -- emotion ally, mentally and physical as well," she said. "Yes, it's graphic -- it's an erotic novel!"

When we asked Vanderbilt if she still has sex, she let out a long, loud laugh, then uttered, "No comment." [NY Post]

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Top 10 Feminist Icons... From A Male (Part One)

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 20:10:00 GMT

This is Scanner Brian-- and Scanner Brian alone-- with a list that needed to be done. Males have something against admitting they are feminists, perhaps because they mistakenly believe the term applies only to women.

Today, I decided to set out to right that wrong-- much as these women (and one man) did over the course of their very interesting lives. The result is pure history-filled entertainment and not meant to be definitive by any means. For one thing, Gloria Steinem, Virginia Woolf, and Sylvia Plath should be on a list of the great feminists, to be sure, but I found that so much has been written about them already and decided it was best to spare you my half-assed attempts to say something original about them. (By the way, we excluded Susan B. Anthony from this list because of her staunch anti-abortion stance-- these ten, in no particular order, were the ones we personally appreciate the most...)

Karen Silkwood. In her lifetime, nuclear plant whistleblower Karen Silkwood was not known as a feminist, but that doesn't matter to us. She stood up to those (men) who tried to put her in her place, who told her she couldn't have a romantic relationship with another woman. They told her she should keep quiet about being contaminated by plutonium at the plant where she worked, even though incompetent management had caused the exposures. But she didn't listen, even when there were numerous threats on her life. As you may already know, Silkwood was killed in one of the great unsolved murder cases in American history. Of course, everyone knows she was run off the road by agents of Kerr-McGee and/or the US Government-- although she crashed into a guardrail en route to deliver documents to a New York Times reporter, documents that were missing from the wreckage, damage was also found to her rear bumper, suggesting she was actually hit from behind. Nora Ephron scripted and Mike Nichols film of Silkwood, which was nominated for several Academy Awards in 1984.

Louise Brooks. Brooks was a dancer and movie actress who told the studios to stuff it when they wanted to force her to perform in lame "sound pictures." She ignored the "You'll never work in this town again" threats and decided she didn't need those control freak men in Hollywood. Instead, she moved to Germany and starred in the first film to ever feature a lesbian character, Pandora's Box, now regarded as a classic. Her sexually-charged performances in German cinema were all censored or remained unreleased for years. "By her own admission, she was a sexually liberated woman, not afraid to experiment, even posing fully nude for "art" photography, and her liaisons with many film people were legendary, although much of it is speculation."

Crystal Lee Sutton. A sadly overlooked feminist icon if there ever was one, Sutton is known as "the real Norma Rae." In the early 1970s, Sutton worked at a textile plant in South Carolina, making $2.65 folding towels. She soon got union fever and stood up to harassment and sexism to become the spiritual leader of the entire labor movement in this country. Of course, a few years later, Sally Field starred as a character based on Sutton's early work with the ACTWU.

Kate Chopin. Missouri native Chopin wrote the Awakening at the turn of the 20th century, and it couldn't have been better timed-- from the perspective of history. In 1899, it couldn't have been met with more of an out-of-touch backlash. Chopin's novel about a woman's struggle with societal standards, motherhood vs. self, and "the woman as property" norm took America by storm, with the outcry so great that her publisher delete the book before most members of the public were able to purchase it. Nonetheless, its "unwholesome" attitude toward sex was one of the key factors in sparking the century's feminist movement.

Shirley Chisholm. What didn't this feminist superhero accomplish in her life? (We didn't want you to actually answer that, but if you're looking for a torch-bearer, see Bella Abzug, below.) Chisholm, who would be my Congresswoman were she still alive to represent my district, was the first African-American woman of Congress, the first on a major-party ballot for President and the first woman on the Democratic ticket. Chisholm went on to receive more than 150 votes for President at the 1972 DNC. (The best anecdote about her is one unrelated to her feminism. When racist Governor George Wallace was shot and very nearly assassinated during that same Presidential campaign, Chisholm caused a huge uproar for visiting him in the hospital.)

Continue reading in Part Two.

China's Last Eunuch

Colleen Kane — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:30:00 GMT

Sun Yaoting, the last livijng euneuch in China, was living history when he died in 1996. Thirteen years later, his biography is finally coming out, and it reveals things like the sex lives of eunuchs and their emperor, the castrations performed at home, and the resulting incontinence.

Sun cried to his amateur biogapher only when recalling his castration and the time when the pickled remains were later thrown away. He became a eunuch to gain acces to the emperor's Frobidden City, in hopes of avenging stolen property and the buring of their home by a landlord. The description of Sun's home castration is not for the faint of heart or stomach.

His desperate father performed the castration on the bed of their mud-walled home, with no anesthetic and only oil-soaked paper as a bandage. A goose quill was inserted in Sun's urethra to prevent it getting blocked as the wound healed.

OK, that's enough about that. It took him two months to be able to leave his bed, when he discovered the emporer he intended to serve had abdicated.

HIs biographer told Reuters, "He never became rich, he never became powerful, but he became very rich in experience and secrets."

So depressed now.

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While You Were Sleeping: John Mayer's Penis

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 14:09:00 GMT

Jason Segel has no luck with women, claims the Post.

Really dig this Tropic of Cancer-inspired photo. [NSFW]

George W. Bush is writing a book on "the most important decisions of his presidency." Since those were all made by Cheney, we wonder why they're calling this an autobiography.

It was a setup. Big Joe is gonna be so pissed.

Ooh, Twilight fans-- some of the cast may be sneaking into the midnight DVD release parties.

Three people robbed Victoria's Secret of $3,400 worth of panties.

Natasha Richardson died from a skiing injury yesterday at age 45.

John Mayer Tweeted that his penis fell asleep. And no, it didn't have anything to do with his relationship with Jennifer Aniston.

And this guy thought he was on his deathbed, so he confessed to decades-old murder charges he'd bailed on. Whoops.

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Today in Architectural Porn: The Sex Bookshelf

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 13:10:00 GMT

Some designer named Arun Kumar Francis wants to make reading sexy.

Apparently, it also involves Obama and a bunch of bound dissertations... full, awful (?)/awesome (?) photo after the jump...

This bookshelf really needs a copy of Nerve: The First Ten Years... hell, at least Casserole Crazy.

Via the Design Blog.

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Scanner Book Club: The Forbidden Apple

Emily Farris — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 19:02:00 GMT

The Scanner crew is at South by Southwest eating—and apparently drinking—too much this week. So forgive us for putting up press releases in lieu of writing every once in a while. But you know we have more important things to do, including chasing down bearded men. If we weren't here, though, we imagine we'd be at home curled up with the new book The Forbidden Apple: A Century of Sex & Sin in New York City.

For those interested in the sexual history of New York City, Ig Publishing is happy to announce the publication of The Forbidden Apple: A Century of Sex & Sin in New York City, by Kat Long. The first-ever comprehensive sexual history of New York City, The Forbidden Apple shows how many of this country’s most important sexual trends got their start in New York, and also demonstrates how the repressive forces of morality and decency have waged war against the forces of sexual liberation and freedom throughout the city’s history.
“Kat Long has provided a fascinating overview of sex in New York City since the Civil War. Everything you always wanted to know—and a lot you would never have suspected!”—Kevin Baker, author of Strivers Row, Paradise Alley and Dreamland
“Kat Long's The Forbidden Apple is a fast-paced and vivid overview documenting the conflicts between evangelical moralists and defenders of sexual expression, commercial and otherwise. Anyone interested in New York City or sex will have to pick this up.”—Timothy Gilfoyle, author, City of Eros and A Pickpocket’s Tale
The book has already received great write-ups in The Village Voice and The New York Press, and will be reviewed in The New York Times Book Review on April 5.
And, for those who like your sex live and in-person, please join us on Thursday, April 2^nd at 6:30PM as Kat discusses her book and NYC sex, past, present and future at The Tenement Museum, 108 Orchard Street, New York, 212-982-8420. Kat will be interviewed by Kevin Baker.

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We Had No Idea the Catholic Church Could Be This Scary...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:46:00 GMT

We don't specifically set out to attack the Catholic Church, Catholicism itself, or any specific religion or practice. But when we see hypocrisy or any other repulsive public behavior, we'll call it like we see it...

A nun in India, like the ones pictured above, is speaking out about what goes on in her country. Sister Jesme claims that when she joined the Church in Kerala, she discovered priests were forcing the "novices," or new nuns, to have sex with them. She also says she was forced to have a lesbian relationship with another nun because, that way, nobody would get pregnant and be expelled.

Apparently, her Church wasn't the only one engaged in "unpermitted sex": a priest whom she met while traveling the country showed her there was an orgy of heavy petting going on in his backyard, then took off his clothes and demanded she join him, according to the Independent.

The allegations are not the only controversy to rock the Catholic Church in Kerala. Last summer, a 23-year-old novice committed suicide and left a note saying she had been harassed by her Mother Superior. Reports suggest there have been a number of similar suicides. And in November, police in Kerala arrested two priests and a nun in connection with the killing of Sister Abhaya in a notorious 1992 murder.

Sister Jesme recently resigned as the principal for a Catholic college and has written a book entitled Amen, in which she details all the alleged sex, sexual harassment, and general distaste that she experienced in the Church. Church leaders tried to get her committed to a mental institution but she ultimately prevailed and her book is too widely publicized to be supressed.

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Sloppy Seconds: Bristol Palin's New Gig

Emily Farris — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 23:33:00 GMT

Hey, Scanner Brian: Hayden Panettiere is single again. [Us]

Think your man might be a closeted homo? Take this super-reliable, scientific quiz to find out for sure! [MyDailyMoment]

A book written early in J.R.R. Tolken's career is about to be published for the first time. [Yahoo!]

Suze Orman had only one wish on Valentine's Day: that gay marriage be legalized. [AfterEllen]

Bristol Palin would now like to be an advocate, um, like, against teen pregnancy. "I wish [getting pregnant] would happen in like 10 years so I could have a job and an education and be, like, prepared and have my own house and stuff. ... I hope that people learn from my story and just, I dunno, prevent teen pregnancy I guess." [Slate]

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This Week in Gayness: How to Tell Your Boyfriend Is Closeted

[Image]

Colorado Kids Want to Write About Sex and No One Can Stop Them

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 15:36:00 GMT

Because of a much-discussed state law, administrative advisers for Colorado's school newspapers are only allowed to offer suggestions and guide staffers along, while the kids make the final decisions.

This may be why the state's Arapahoe High School was able to publish an edition of their paper devoted to teen relationships, i.e. promiscuous sex...

According a local NBC news affiliate, the most recent issue of the Arapahoe Herald was devoted to the subject:

"Player spills inside details," features the sexual escapades of a male student.

"I constantly [get sex] even though I have a girlfriend," said the boy who assumed the fictitious name of Trey Costanda. He is also quoted saying, "The easiest way to get girls is to get them drunk, but that's not right."

"First of all, why would you print that in the school newspaper?" 18-year-old senior Jeff Malaterre asked. "Parents could get upset at the school for publishing something like that."

The other controversial profile in the article featured the story of an openly promiscuous girl, who assumed the fictitious name of Marie Cullen.

"You have to give boys what they want," she said in the article, "My main weapons are my [breasts]."

Cullen also talks about having eight sexual partners and details her first sexual experience.

Cullen... Cullen? From where could this young lady have lifted her moniker? Hmmm...

Seriously, could it be that the abstinence theme of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight books has, like all abstinence "programs" and general grandstanding, backfired and turned teens into irresponsible sexual, well, vampires?

Via 9News.

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Apparently, Times Square's Seedy Side Moved To Eugene, Oregon...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 15:48:00 GMT

A recent post in the Rants 'n Raves section of Craig's List Eugene alerted us to the fact that there are places called "sex arcades" where, instead of watching a peep show, people have sex on their lunch breaks.

Wha?

Here's how it breaks down: according to a Time Magazine story from April of 2005 (ouch-- we have been missing out), Houston's "so-called adult bookstores... offer private booths in which patrons can watch 25¢ peep-show movies and engage in anonymous sex with other patrons through holes cut in the walls." Sure, we were aware of the existence of glory holes and were well aware peep shows could be used for all varieties of sex, and that sex shops sold books (books! what the hell do we need those for in this day and age of free internet hardcore movies?) What we weren't aware of is that they are all happening under one roof these days, and that they are happening in small cities like Eugene, Oregon, for starters.

The unsigned Craig's List post by a "bookstore" employee offers us advice for our first an all future visits. As usual, we offer an abbreviated version of the epic-as-hell piece:

1) It is a complete wast[e] of time to become upset when I refuse to shake your hand after you exit the arcade.

2) I'm sorry if you have only limited time to have gay sex with a stranger during your lunch break. If the only customers I have in the arcade are so old you are wondering how they remain upright, much less get it up, I simply can't waive a magic wand and fill the arcade with an all gay swim team. ...I am not a resident fall back option and I'm sorry, but offering me cash for sex will not change my mind on this one (ever).

3) If you enter a booth with a window, please don't be surprised if you look up and find someone watching you.... If you enter a booth with a gloryhole, please don't be surprised if at some point a penis comes through it. Also don't be surprised if a voice comes through it asking for you to stick your penis through the hole, it's what it's there for.

4) You enter a booth, insert a 1, 5, 10, or 20 dollar bill into the bill acceptor, and have a seat. The movie will play until the time limit for the amount of money you put into the machine runs out. If at that time you have not managed to relieve yourself you have still received what you paid for. Sitting in a booth with no money in the machine while you desperately try to grunt out a quick one is just not acceptable.

4[B]) If you happen to be a horny gay man (nothing wrong with that) and inappropriately proposition another man in the parking lot and he punches you in the mouth, YOU HAD IT COMING.

5) I could care less if you have a wedding ring on as you suck off 12 dudes... I don't care if you enjoy dressing in your little sisters cloth[e]s and putting on a show for strangers in a window booth.... I do not need a play by play description of what you were just doing. Keep it to yourself or write it in your journal or whatever.... I will not be impressed, seriously.

6) If you pee in the trashcans and I catch you you will be cleaning that booth and I will be berating you the entire time it takes you.

7) [I]f you come walking out of the arcade with cum in your beard, on your shirt, pants, whatever, I reserve the right to point and laugh. We thoughtfully provide paper towels just for that situation.

8) We have janitors clean the arcade 3 times a day, every day. I can do little for you if the booth you so desperately need to whack off in has a load of cum dripping down the monitor.

He lists his location as "whack shack." You can read the full-length rants here.

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'The Dumbing Down of our Culture Is Not Inevitable' Adult Reading on the Rise Not Counting the Internet

Scanner Matt — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 22:14:00 GMT

The National Endowment for the Arts has reported people are reading literature again after a twenty-five year decline. But nobody is sure why?

The NEA data is based on a survey (“The Survey of Public Participation in the Arts”) conducted in 2008 by the United States Census Bureau. Adults 18 and older who claim to have read at least one novel, short story, poem or play over the past year has risen.

Here's a chart we stole from the New York Times:

“There has been a measurable cultural change in society’s commitment to literary reading,” said Dana Gioia, chairman of the National Endowment for the Arts. “In a cultural moment when we are hearing nothing but bad news, we have reassuring evidence that the dumbing down of our culture is not inevitable.”

But he said he did not think that more reading online was the primary reason for the increase in literary reading rates overall.

So what is the reason? Nerve doesn't make you want to dust off that old copy of Madame Bovary you never read in college?

Instead he attributed the increase in literary reading to community-based programs like the “Big Read,” Oprah Winfrey’s book club, the huge popularity of book series like “Harry Potter” and Stephenie Meyer’s “Twilight,” as well as the individual efforts of teachers, librarians, parents and civic leaders to create “a buzz around literature that’s getting people to read more in whatever medium.”

Then there's always the economy. Reading is cheap and provides an escape. Or maybe intellectualism is in this year.

Full story here.

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The Real Story Behind Barbie... And The Truth About That Ken Dude

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 20:50:00 GMT

It's been a big week for Ken and Barbie. First, they made a porno together, one that warmed our frozen-ass hearts in brutal New York; next up, confirmation that the guy who created Barbie was a total sleazebag...

The sex-starved mainstream media has been running excerpts from Jerry Oppenheimer's new book about Mattel, maker of the dreaded dolls, which include such nuggets as:

Jack Ryan, the Yale-educated designer who popularized Barbie, was a "full-blown seventies-style swinger" with "a manic need for sexual gratification."
Staging orgies at his Bel-Air mansion, Ryan, whose wives included Zsa Zsa Gabor, surrounded himself with busty Barbie clones, including Gwen Florea, who was the "voice of Barbie" in a line of talking dolls. The book quotes her: "He once said to me he loved me being tall so he could stick his nose in my boobs when he hugged me."

Ryan's friend, Stephen Gnass, confides to the author: "When Jack talked about creating Barbie . . . it was like listening to somebody talk about a sexual episode, almost like listening to a sexual pervert . . ." Ryan took calls at Mattel from a madam and patronized "high-class call girls to streetwalkers," including a "very thin and child-like" hooker. The book claims that Ryan "somehow rationalized that he was the only man in her life" until he was diagnosed with gonorrhea.

Yes, all this is entirely predictable. So what about the real debate-- what's up with "Ken"? According to IMDB, Barbie was named after Ryan's daughter Barbara, while Ken was based on... Ken, his son with Ruth Handler.

Despite marrying and having three kids, Ken was a closeted gay, Oppenheimer says. "To all those who knew him Ken Handler was a wonderful father, a loving husband . . . But there was another side to Ken. And in 1990 he was formally diagnosed with AIDS. His parents and wife were shocked." He died in 1994 in Greenwich Village, but obits didn't mention the disease.

The Post doesn't mention who Oppenheimer learned this information, so we can't say for sure it'll check out when the book appears, but... good Lord-- Ken was gay after all!

Video of the Day: Barbie and Ken (and Some Guy) Make a Porno

More Porny Than Actual Porn: Miami's Fabulous Hotel-a-Go-Go

Arousal Brings Out the Creep in Many Dudes

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 17:10:00 GMT

We all know that alcohol can make men do stupid things. Now science has proven that boners are even worse for our judgment...

According to Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions, a book by MIT professor Dan Ariely, in a new paperback edition, explores "Why Hot Is Much Hotter Than We Realize." We don't even know what that means, since we all but failed high school science classes. We'll let Professor Ariely explain, via a summation on The Book Outline Wiki page:

The author and his partner conducted a series of experiments on Berkeley students (no, not those sort of experiments, silly.) Asking them a series of questions-- first, straight; then, after the undergraduates had worked themselves into a state of arousal.

- The results show that people simply don't realize how different their decision-making is during a state of arousal. A few representative results
  - Can you imagine having sex with a 60-year-old woman
    - Sober: 7%
    - Aroused: 23%
  - Could you enjoy having sex with someone you hated?
    - Sober: 53%
    - Aroused: 77%
  - Is just kissing frustrating?
    - Sober: 41%
    - Aroused: 69%
  - Would you slip a woman a drug to increase the chance she'd have sex with you?
    - Sober: 5%
    - Aroused: 26%
  - Would you use a condom even if you were afraid that a woman might change her mind while you went to get it?
    - Sober: 86%
    - Aroused: 60%
- Implications
  - Someone may promise to just say no, but that promise is less likely to hold up during a state of arousal

Via Book Outline Wiki.

Top 10 Celebrity Twitterers

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 23:31:00 GMT

This Top 10 list from TV Squad misses what would easily be our #1: a B-list celebrity who Tweets like a bad Vanity Fair parody... only hilarious.

Wendy Atterbery of Modern Materialist (and now, mainly, of the Frisky) let us in on a little secret on our blog: the best celebrity Twit is a basketball player not know for his Yogisms, which often get him into heaps of trouble. Here's TV Squad's list, plus a new #1...

1. John Hodgman [don't forget, TV Squad, he's also a tremendously funny bestselling author]

2. Wil Wheaton [don't forget, TV Squad, he was also in Stand By Me and on Star Trek: The Next Generation.]

3. Stephen Fry "The British actor, author and Twitterholic is a must-follow who cleverly interacts with his online fans. Fry, who once played Oscar Wilde in a movie, recently inspired his followers to make up phony Wilde quotes to post on the web. (Check out the results.)"

4. Felicia Day

5. Greg Grunberg [of Heroes-- man, NBC'll do anything to boost their ratings]

6. Brea Grant

7. Penn Jillette

8. John Cleese [we might actually start using our Twitter account again just to follow this guy. We're not sure he is, but we think we saw him in his tighty-whities in A Fish Called Wanda or somethin'.]

9. David Hewlett

10. The Karate Kid's Sensei John Kreese (aka Paul Scheer) [TV Squad claims Human Giant's Scheer is Tweeting as the villainous sensei from The Karate Kid. We hope it's the guy who played Kreese, still in character.]

And our #1? Shaquille O'Neill!

"B kinder than necessary because everyone u meet is fighting some kind of battle -- Shaquille oneal" and "The best way to secure happiness is 2 b az happy as u can everyday -- Shaquille oneal." Always just like that -- with his full name attached at the end (and also the creative spelling), like he's ready to be included on every list of best celeb quotes ever (and he should!).

Now, Wendy's started incorporating Shaq-isms into her private life with her boyfriend:

[We] like to end basically every sentence we utter to each other with our full names. I'll say, "I saved some dinner for you -- it's in the fridge. -- Wendy Atterberry" and he'll follow up with "Thanks that was nice of you. -- Andrew [Redacted]." And then I'll say, "Well, it's important in times of stress to make sure you eat right. --Wendy Atterberry." And then we laugh for, like, half an hour.

UPDATE: TV Squad missed MC Hammer! How could they? We checked out his account and, below, you'll find our favorite tweets (assuming he's real and actually responding to fan Tweets):

"man... flat tire !!!!
"Yes.....the weather is way different these days... global warming for real ! and I'm in Tracy !!!
"Thanks....glad you like http://mchammer.com/ the concept is to play Hammertime Radio (listen to songs) and read the streams..
"Now focus... you better than that... I know you playing..
"if you see yourself "robbing the bank" as you said...make sure you see yourself dead or in jail...real talk... "darkness is no joke"

Real talk... in Hammertime.

Via TV Squad and City Wendy.

Scanner Highs and Lows: So Long, Good Luck, and Pass the Turkey

9-Year-Old Boy Teaches You How To Pick Up Girls

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 21:15:00 GMT

And by girls we mean young ones. Or is it older women that the nine-year-old author is hoping for?

Amazon just launched a book called "How To Pick Up Girls" that thankfully isn't written by Neil Strauss. The scribe is Castle Rock, Colorado native Alec Greven, who wrote the 48 page hardcover without the help of a ghostwriter (although the prose is too pat not to have been heavily edited by Collins, the publisher.)

Among Alec's tips:

Comb your hair and don't wear sweats [sorry, Alec, we've met too many losers meeting this criteria who have scored consistently]
Control your hyperness (cut down on the sugar if you have to)

Don't act desperate [indeed, showering girls with compliments leads to them freaking out, as we found out... oh, at about age 27.]

He also warns boys (aged 1-127, we're thinking) to avoid the good-looking broads:

It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry...
The best choice for most boys is a regular girl. Remember, some pretty girls are coldhearted when it comes to boys. Don't let them get to you.

And girls, the budding writer is currently single, so if you're ~~interested in prison, global shame~~ between the ages of 8 and 11, you could do worse than this charming lil' bastard... although, as another Scanner blogger comments, how long before he goes "from darling to douchebag?"

Related:

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Louisiana Teacher Gets Closer to Student By Sleeping with His Father

Top 100 Books of 2008

Scanner Matt — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 18:41:00 GMT

As always the New York Times has published their list of notable books from Dec. 2, 2007 to the present (holiday season). The list consists of the usual suspects: Updike, Roth (although we thought Indignation was great), Toni Morrison and the new generation of authors who have already written their way to modern classics and instant best sellers, such as Jhumpa Lahiri and now the seemingly unstoppable Chilean author (though new to America), Roberto Bolano.

The list consists of fiction, poetry and nonfiction. The editors at the NYTimes claim it was, "...a process that lasted many weeks and involved much good-natured dispute and the occasional sleepless night." They sound like a real wild bunch.

A few novels we think are notable from the NYTimes notables are: Netherland by Joseph O'Neill (we bet it makes the top 10), Atmospheric Disturbances by Rivka Galchen and 2666 by Roberto Bolano (another top 10'er?).

We still have to catch up on our new nonfiction reading and poetry.

Here's the list, which is cuurently online and will be in print this weekend.

Related:

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Reading Under the Influence

Playboy's Presidential Sex Quiz A Welcome Distraction From Boring Obama Stories

Photo/The Guardian

Reading Under the Influence

Scanner Matt — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 20:19:00 GMT

They say the two surviving enterprises in a spiraling economy are books and booze. People usually skip the vacation and the fancy nights out in rough times to stay home, cuddle up with a good book and get trashed. So why not give the people what they want for the holidays? Whether your friends and family are heavy readers or heavy drinkers here are some great book and booze pairings to give as (affordable) gifts.

The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway and a bottle of Pernod

If one author comes to mind when talking about drinking and writing it's certainly Papa. This book is a favorite of ours, filled with big questions and underlying themes it's also an escapist fantasy into Europe. The characters drink Absynthe too in this book, but the real stuff is hard to come by and Pernod is delicious and won't make you crazy.

The Long Goodbye by Raymond Chandler and a bottle of gin.

The Portable Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker... and a bottle of gin.

While some claim The Big Sleep is Chandler's best work, other's say The Long Goodbye might be the pinnacle of 1950's pulp crime fiction. Chandler's protagonist and devout gin drinker, Detective Philip Marlowe, actually popularized the gimlet in America with this book. Chandler even shares a recipe in the novel: "A real Gimlet is half gin and half Rose's Lime Juice and nothing else. It beats martinis hollow."

Dorothy Parker would disagree, she was a devout martini lush as some say and knew how to party. She's also one of the funniest American writers we have, from short stories to poetry to essays and reviews. We believe she was a Beefeater girl herself.

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald and a bottle of your favorite bourbon

We know they made everyone read it in high school, but have you gave it a second glance? It could be the most genius American soap opera ever written. The characters drink mint juleps to keep cool in the summertime, but what's wrong with a little minty flavor (peppermints, candy canes etc... ) around the holidays? And of course bourbon is a must, though it doesn't have to be your grandfather's dusty bottle of J&B. (Faulkner was mint julep guy too.)

This is an easy one: Any Russian author and a bottle of vodka

Everyone has a classic Russian book they've always wanted read, whether it's Tolstoy's War and Peace, Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment or Nabokov's Lolita, (and if you're looking for a more recent book try Russian-American author Gary Shteyngart, who is brilliantly raunchy and hilarious in Russian Debutantes Hand Book and Absurdistan. As for the vodka, that's your choice. We prefer Grey Goose, but Smirnoff never killed anybody (maybe) and Stolichnaya is super Russian.

If you're feeling particularly generous this holiday season you can also include a pack of cigarettes with your gift.

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While You Were Sleeping: The MySpace Suicide Trial Verdict

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

This guy wants to be on America's Got Talent... for playing music with his telephones.

Is Emily the Strange a ripoff of Nate the Great or is this, whether it's coincidence or deliberate theft, no big deal?

Robert Downey, Jr. had a very close call on the set of Sherlock Holmes...

While filming of a fight scene, Downey was knocked unconscious by a 7-foot, 330lbs co-star... Downey was “out cold” for six seconds and “drooling blood” before medics could bring him round.

Meanwhile, Downey refused to go to the hospital.

Is this the greatest company ever?

Did you have brunch over the weekend? If so, you were part of the 75th birthday celebration for the Bloody Mary.

Click here to listen to a song from Nirvana's first-ever show in 1987 and the last song of their last show almost exactly seven years later.

The super hot First Lady of France is now a super hot UN ambassador.

And that evil woman was found guilty of three minor charges in the MySpace "suicide trial."

Sloppy Seconds: What is Jennifer Hudson Smiling About?

Mom Films Her Boyfriend Having Sex with Her 13-Year-Old Daughter

The English Are Still Too Prudish To Appreciate Nudity

Kim Cattrall: The Magically Naked 52-Year-Old Woman

Scanner's Deals of the Day

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 17:03:00 GMT

For those of you about to work, we salute you. We're basically taking the day off like other fools, celebrating Buy Nothing Day in our own special way.

But if you're the shopaholics this country wants you to be, here are our picks for the best deals of the day...

AMAZON (while supplies last, of course):

Apple iPod Touch for $199

Pioneer XM Satellite Radio for $49 (starting at 9pm EST/6pm PST)

MACMALL:

$200 off the new MacBook Pro

DEALHACK:

DVR100 Recordable DVD Player for $50 (refurbished, for a limited time)

Buy one Gap sweater, get the second at 50% off

B&H PHOTO:

Panasonic Mini-DV Camcorder for $179

BUY.COM:

House - Season 3 for $20

Canon Laser Printer - Copier - Scanner - Fax for $75

Wii Console Bundle w/M&M's Kart Racing, Super Smash Bros Brawl, Carnival Games, Wii Sports, and Sonic Riders: Zero Gravity for $374

CIRCUIT CITY:

Sony Vaio Laptop for $1100

Free $25 iTunes card with the purchase of any $149-and-up iPod

POWELL'S BOOKS:

Signed first edition of Malcom Gladwell's Outliers for $28

The Amy Sedaris book I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence for $11.19

HBO.COM:

20% off plus free shipping

Flight of the Conchords set of 4 pint glasses for $50 (not including discounts, it seems)

OFFICE MAX:

GPS System for $99

Microsoft Office for $49

If you find anything else particularly noteworthy, let us know in the comments.

Related:

This Thanksgiving, Just Shut Up and Be Thankful for Your Faithful Mate (Who You Probably Don't Really Have)

Arlo Guthrie Hopes You Can Still Get Anything You Want This Thanksgiving

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Video of the Day: Happy Thanksgiving

back to dailyscanner.com

And The Bad Sex in Fiction Winners Are...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 15:18:00 GMT

The British know their sex... which is why they're also qualified to judge the 2008 Bad Sex in Fiction Awards. And this ain't "bad sex" that appears "in fiction." It's bad sex writing from some of the great novels of the year, including John Updike's Witches of Eastwick sequel...

Updike takes the year's Lifetime Achievement Award, while the year's top honoree is Rachel Johnson, sister of London Mayor Boris (what's up with these conservatives, like Bill O'Reilly and Scooter Libby, not knowing how to write sex? Wait, nevermind, we know the answer.)

Based on a cursory search of these books for sex scenes, we found this one from Updike's latest:

She said nothing then, her lovely mouth otherwise engaged, until he came, all over her face. She had gagged, and moved him outside her lips, rubbing his spurting glans across her cheeks and chin. God, she was antique, but here they were. Her face gleamed with his jism in the spotty light of the motel room, there on the far end of East Beach, within sound of the sea.

In a Guardian interview, Johnson is a good sport, while the article's author points out some passages that might have caught the committee's attention:

Johnson was singled out for her novel's slew of animal metaphors, including comparing her male protagonist's "light fingers" to "a moth caught inside a lampshade", and his tongue to "a cat lapping up a dish of cream so as not to miss a single drop". Literary Review deputy editor Tom Fleming was also disturbed by the heroine's "grab, to put him, now angrily slapping against both our bellies, inside".

Just for laughs, here's the 2007 winner, by our good buddy, now deceased, Norman Mailer:

'Are you alright?' she cried out as he lay beside her, his breath going in and out with a rasp that sounded as terrible as the last winds of their lost children.
'All right. Yes. No,' he said. Then she was on him. She did not know if this would resuscitate him or end him, but the same spite, sharp as a needle, that had come to her after Fanni's death was in her again. Fanni had told her once what to do. So Klara turned head to foot, and put her most unmentionable part down on his hard-breathing nose and mouth, and took his old battering ram into her lips. Uncle was now as soft as a coil of excrement. She sucked on him nonetheless with an avidity that could come only from the Evil One - that she knew. From there, the impulse had come. So now they both had their heads at the wrong end, and the Evil One was there. He had never been so close before.
The Hound began to come to life. Right in her mouth. it surprised her. Alois had been so limp. But now he was a man again! His mouth lathered with her sap, he turned around and embraced her face with all the passion of his own lips and face, ready at last to grind into her with the Hound, drive it into her piety.

It's enough to turn you off having sex, let alone just reading about it.

Related:

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Ayn Rand Dating Site: Worst Form of Hell or Best Idea Ever?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 21:57:00 GMT

That headline may be a bit misleading, so let's clarify.

The question is, which side are we on, the side that thinks an Ayn Rand matchmaking site is the scariest thing ever or the side that sees this as a great way to keep crazy egomaniacs away from Nerve and other dating sites, and therefore out of our gene pool?

When we read about this in last week's New York, part of us thought it was funny-- "look at these freaks in their freak kingdom! They're so direct and honest, they're like World of Warcraft nerds with their 'Must be a level 2,030,394 gamer or don't IM me.' It's almost adorable!" Then we started thinking about it: this may be the greatest dating site ever. Why hadn't we thought of it before? Create a bunch of dating sites that would attract the scary types away from Nerve and the rest of the supposedly "general" dating sites, leaving only (potentially) decent candidates.

If you don't believe us, just take a gander at the quality profiles already created for The Atlasphere:

Michael, Naples, Florida
Long ago a very dear friend, Angie, turned me on to Ayn Rand and Atlas Shrugged.

Parenthetically, she also turned me on in other ways. Alas, our relationship remained Platonic.

Contact Me If You … : are Angie.

dpvabc, Edmonton, Canada
My name is Daniel. I consider myself to be a born-again egoist and I have dedicated the rest of my life to self-improvement. People see me as a socially inept loner because I tend to avoid superficial conversation but actually I love talking to people who like to think (the problem being I don’t know very many).

thustotyrants, Selden, New York
[I am] short, stark, and mansome.

You should contact me if you are a skinny woman.

Curiously, few of the applicants seem to be females. Wonder why...

Via New York.

Related:

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Sexy Librarians Win Wisconsin Dance-Off

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 21:10:00 GMT

This unrelated photo aside, we have no proof the librarians in the already-legendary Wisconsin Librarian Dance-Off are as sexy as we want them to be (to be give a clue: we picture Tina Fey and half a dozen clones, all biting the ends of their glasses and leaning over a reading table.)

It doesn't matter-- the librarians are automatically awesome...

Librarians shook out their buns and dusted off their dancing shoes to compete in the Wisconsin Book Cart Drill Team competition.
The Baraboo Bookers took first prize Friday at the Wisconsin Library Association's annual conference.

Teams of librarians created short choreographed dances and rocked out with their book carts.

The Baraboo Public Library team danced to the rock 'n' roll classic "Born to be Wild" with four carts and a dolly.

They competed against the Mad City truckers, graduate students from the University of Wisconsin-Madison who used an Indiana Jones-themed routine.

The Baraboo team advances to the national competition in Chicago next summer and also gets a $250 gift certificate. [AP]

And you thought the only revolution this week was the Obama one. Now this is a movement we can get behind...

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Swaptree: The Next Cool Free Internet Thing

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 19:50:00 GMT

We were hoping to get our "Netflix For Books" idea off the ground for years now, but realized it was probably too expensive for us cheap hobo literary types.

That's why we're secretly thrilled that Swaptree, if it works, has taken over where we gave up...

1) Join swaptree.

2) List books you'd be willing to give away-- or, better yet, trade. Hell, list DVDs, CDs, dirty lingerie, and anything else with a barcode on it and they might let you do it.

3) Slap a printable mailing label on it, ship the bastard Book Rate, and wait an unsuffering long time (such as 14 days) for your trade to make it's way 50 blocks.

4) Seriously, then you should figure out what you want in exchange. Or swaptree will-- or at least, they say they will. Think this is a scam? How does this site make any money?

Check it out here.

Sloppy Seconds: Blake-Fielder Civil Escapes (More) Prison (Time)

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 22:25:00 GMT

Patrick Dempsey didn't dig the doc firing on Grey's Anatomy. Perhaps he knows something we don't about ABC's true motives?

This guy will either be dead or a legend by 27.

Eddie Izzard made the really dumb decision, as he is not a US citizen, to donate to Obama. He made an even dumber one when he admitted to doing so on CNN.

Michael Crichton died of cancer, a battle which was kept entirely private.

Who gave 50 Cent a reality show? Jesus Christ. Well, at least it's a positive show for a change.

And Amy Winehouse's husband ("Blakey," we think his name is) was released from jail after a year of hell... or, if you're married to Amy Winehouse, womb-like bliss.