Scanner : bra

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Desperate Living

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 May 2009 14:24:00 GMT

Holly Madison rebounded from Hugh Hefner with... Russell Brand?

We have to agree: this or any other ad for the pill is going to piss off the stuffy-butthole-people.

A quick thinking teenage boy saved his 4-year-old sister from being kidnapped when he actually raced after and caught up to the truck she was being driven off in.

Another teenage boy, who needs to spend more time thinking, is going to jail for setting another guy's dick and balls on fire.

This is gonna be grand: Martin Scorsese is making a movie about Sinatra.

Elton John was there for Eminem in his hour of need, helping him through the painful process of rehab.

Emily mentioned this yesterday: Shanna Moakler resigned from the pageant board following yesterday's press conference on Carrie Prejean. Did you know that she was also Miss USA and a Playboy centerfold? Hmmm...

The marriage bra is... uh... useless? A major turnoff? Creepy? Stupid? All of the above and more?

Lindsay Lohan's house is in such shit shape, complete with garbage everywhere, that the police thought it had been ransacked when they responded to a tripped alarm.

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While You Were Sleeping: The Top Gunning Lesbian

"You Traitor Pig!"

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Facebook

PA DA Threatening to Jail 11-Year-Olds For Sexting

Sloppy Seconds: No Bullet-Proof Bras For You

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 May 2009 22:36:00 GMT

Check out this badass panda ripping some guy's jacket right off his back.

The days of pervy conservatives keeping an eye out for Splash Mountain topless photos are over. Flash away!

What do we think of this list of the Top 10 reasons men don't want sex? (We thought all ten would be "They're not attracted to you.")

Heidi Montag says she'll stay married to Spencer Brat forever. We give it six months, or one more season.

Mia Farrow is still going strong with her hunger strike, which is now at Day 11.

NYC teens are furious Bristol Palin, the "hypocrite," is in town promoting abstinence, which she had said was "unrealistic."

Screengrab picked the ten worst movies of all time-- and almost none of them were on MST3K.

"There is no such thing as a bullet-proof bra!"

Don't forget: passport rules for Mexico and Canada go into effect at the end of the month, not that anyone can afford a vacation these days.

And Will Smith wants to play a black James Bond. Great, just what we need-- pass over Idris Elba for a Hollywood action star-- that's just what the franchise needs.

Today in WTF?: Man Pours Chili on His Pregnant Girlfriend

Emily Farris — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 21:11:00 GMT

Domestic disturbances are getting really, um, disturbing lately. First there was the woman who handcuffed herself to her husband and then bit the shit out of him because she wanted to talk and now we hear the story of a man who poured chili on his pregnant girlfriend because he didn't want to go to the other room to watch TV.

The 26-year-old victim told investigators her boyfriend, with whom she has two children and is nine weeks pregnant, came home Thursday evening and wanted to watch TV in their bedroom.

Boyfriend Edd M. Johnson, 21, is accused of kicking the TV and breaking it after she asked that he watch TV in the other room of the residence in the 2900 block of Southeast Delmar Street. The victim went to slice the power cord of the other TV with scissors when police said Johnson grabbed her neck and pulled her away.

The victim called her sister, who called the sheriff’s office. She grabbed her kids and got in her vehicle when Johnson came out with a can of chili.

“Edd also grabbed at (the victim’s) bra which tore off of her,” the report states. “Edd then poured the chili into the vehicle over the drivers seat of the vehicle and on (the vicitm)”

Deputies noted a “brown liquid substance” over the driver’s seat and on the left side of the victim’s face and ear. The 10-month-old child also had some in her hair.

Ew.

One would think that in these tough economic times we should be hoarding non-perishable chili, not using it as a weapon.

[TCPalm: Stuart man accused of pouring chili on girlfriend during argument]

Related:

Woman Handcuffs Husband to.... Talk?

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Food

Shameless Self Promotion: My Book! (<--There's a chili cheese corndog recipe in there!)

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Hot or Not: The Doodle Bra?

Emily Farris — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 17:12:00 GMT

When we first heard about the Doodle Bra, we thought "of course, drawing on breasts!" Unfortunately, it's much less exciting than that—we think you're supposed to draw on the bra before putting it on. While we love boobs as much as the next guy, or gal, after reading the press release for the product and realizing that it's not marketed for grown women, or even couples, we're almost put off by it.

DOODLE BRA creates positive responses entertaining and engaging young ladies and girls while meeting the needs of essential under garments and providing a way for self expression at the same time.

The DOODLE BRA allows the customer to maximize their spending power by receiving happiness and entertainment for the value of purchasing the necessary garments alone.

The DOODLE BRA non-toxic washable markers, custom designer stencils, and DOODLE BRA Idea Booklet provide the tools for redesigning the garments over and over again for countless uses of pleasure and happiness.

The DOODLE BRA kit also provides the customer the ability to design this garment to match their existing outfits without having to purchase separate items.

DOODLE BRA is currently offering the bra package with the complete line of boutique items including: Camis, Panties, Boxers, Briefs and other garments soon to be available

What do you think? Sounds like the perfect companion to abstinence-only education!

[AdRants via Jezebel]

Related:

Democratic State Senator Busted For Stuffing Her Bra

Shopping for the Perfect Bra to Carry Your Mangoes?

Kick-Ass Stranded Hiker Uses Bra To Save Her Own Life

Bra Filled With Booze Brings Us One Step Closer to Utopia

Burlesque Star Wants To Spice Up Your Valentine's Day

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 15:46:00 GMT

Unfortunately, she did not offer to come to our house for a champagne-soaked threesome, but burlesque babe Ava Garter (yuk yuk yuk) proposed the next best thing: some fashion tips to rock your Valentine's Day this year.

For a change, they're actually quite good. Usually, the best V-Day advice is something akin to "stay in, get liquored up, dim the lights, break out the massage oil, and get down to business." But as she tells the Los Angeles Times, Garter has better ideas for this Saturday night.

Here are our favorite excerpts from the interview:

[On wearing that black dress you have hidden away:] A black dress should have a back or side zipper; you wouldn't want to get into a seduction scene and tug it over your head.

It's always very sexy to go with a pretty black bra, black garter belt, black panties with a bow and a nude sheer stocking. Black is slimming, and a nude stocking makes your legs look much longer.

For the bedroom, you can use a pair of black gloves as a tool for seduction that's very cheap -- remove them very slowly, one at a time, and take as long as you like.

If you're having dinner with your boyfriend or husband for Valentine's Day, touch up your lipstick very slowly in front of him and let him watch. Eyelashes are a fetish for me.
Pasta is inexpensive, easy and really romantic [for a perfect night in.]
One of the best gifts you can give a man is the gift of you, sharing time together and letting him off the hook for buying you something--

All right, that's enough. Don't get all sappy on us, Ava...

More with Ava Garter via the LA Times.

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Chloe Sevigny Would Like More Topless Sex Scenes, Please

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 17:55:00 GMT

Chloe Sevigny, who, we can attest from our one public encounter with her, has the best gams in town, talked with Esquire about blow jobs, Vincent Gallo, aroused casting directors, movie sex scenes, and why it's annoying when people say she looks better in person...

Here are our favorite moments, which unlike the original story, is annotated with links that help explain what she's talking about:

Harry Dean Stanton is very profound--everything that comes out of his mouth. There's so much weight to that guy. He always knows all his lines, always prepared. True, he might come straight from the bar, but he's got it together.
I'm ambitious, but I'm not ambitious enough to move to Los Angeles.
Stones over Beatles.

Then what I get a lot, too, which I think is really odd, is, "You're so much prettier in person." All the time. They think that makes me feel good?
I always found it distracting to be watching a movie and there was a love scene and the girl had her bra on.
I saw it in Cannes with everybody else. Vincent [Gallo] and I, we don't really speak anymore. But I'll always love him, and I hope that he makes another movie that's a million times better than Buffalo '66 or The Brown Bunny and blows everybody out of the water. And he will, if he can ever get the money for it.
Maybe we went too far.

She's referring, of course, to the infamous, epic on-screen blow job she gave Gallo in Gallo's movie The Brown Bunny, one of the most critically despised films ever released. Read more about that here.

I had an agent once who said that in an audition you have to make the women want to be you and the men want to fuck you. I said, I'm sorry, I can't just go into a room and, like, try to achieve that. That's not my motivation in life.

The rest of her quotes are here.

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Holy Hipster Hybrid: Chloe Sevigny in Beck's New Video

Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes - the Sequel

PapSmeared: Britney Left Her Bra in 2008, Picked Up a Shirt From 1997

Emily Farris — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 17:28:00 GMT

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28 Things to Do With a Bra Besides Put Your Rack in It

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 20:46:00 GMT

Yep, turns out bras aren't just for wearing anymore. According to Knickers Blog there's a world of use for those old, saggy, discolored bras you usually just bury at the bottom of your draw until laundry day desperation forces you to tie one on for the sake of decency.

For example, you can make a lavender sachet with your worn out underwear:

Or throw it in a frame and hang that shit on the wall:

Right, what could be better decoration or air freshner than grubby underwear? Frankly we have little interest in a bra without a lady in it, but for those of you who answer to the call of the craft there are 26 equally novel uses here.

Democratic State Senator Busted For Stuffing Her Bra

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 18:11:00 GMT

Not this kind of bra stuffing...

She was an advocate for gay marriage and greater civil rights for black people, but Massachusetts State Senator Dianne Wilkerson automatically sucks now for making us all look bad for even being part of the same cause.

For Wilkerson is accused of stuffing her bra-- literally-- full of thousands of dollars in cash... and that's not even counting what they found in her purse...

According to several local news outlets, Wilkerson took several grand in bribes from a shady dude looking to expedite (or least get) a liquor license. Wilkerson saw in this man a cause as noble as her own civil rights issues (okay, we're kidding here) and called in some favors... or at least put her muscle into a few key people at the state level.

When she was busted, the Democratic State Senator was found with a whopping six grand in her purse-- or, as Paris Hilton calls it, "my penny purse." Her lawyer dismissed this by saying the cash "was for expenses."

Apparently, it was for a down payment on the Sarah Palin wardrobe plan. By the way, in addition to being caught on hidden cameras stuffing a an undercover agent's bribe in her bra, Wilkerson

faces charges of attempted extortion and theft of honest services as a state senator, stemming from a money-for-legislation sting operation, officials said.

A federal criminal complaint alleges that Wilkerson was busted for accepting eight bribes, totaling $23,500, in exchange for her influence on Beacon Hill.

Wilkerson also allegedly used one $1,000 bribe to treat herself to a night of gambling and dining at Foxwoods Resort Casino in Connecticut.

We're tempted to make a joke about a thousand bucks not even getting you a buy-in on a game of craps at Foxwoods, but everyone will see that coming...

Via the Boston Herald.

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If You Can't Stand the Heat... You Might Die

Woman Busted For Videotaping Her Underage Sex Crime

Man Claims He Was Robbed By Gang Of Topless Women

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 15:34:00 GMT

A man in Martin County, Florida told the police he was roughed up and robbed of $100 in cash by a gang of shirtless, braless women.

The man insisted that he had been awake the entire time and was not making this up...

Here's the rundown: Olmar Morales, 18, was riding his bike to work on Saturday morning when a woman wearing overalls jumped out of nowhere and grabbed his, um, handle bar. Instantly, another four women surrounded him and took $100 from his back pocket. Riiiighht...

As if this story were unbelievable already, Morales claims that although the overall-wearing one was overweight and unattractive, the foursome were "thin and blond" and wore "overalls with no shirts and no bras." (The suspect could not positively identify Keira Knightley, seen above, as one of the suspects.)

The kicker-- the cops arrived at the scene soon after and could not find any of these alleged blondes in the area. Hmmm...

Sounds like he spent his 100 on a lap dance and then reported it stolen...
Right! This article left out one significant sentence....."and then he woke up".
Sounds like a Candid Camera episode complete with the clown car song playing in the background.

...that's pretty much the local reaction... and ours, as well...

Via TCPalm.

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Celebrity Hero of the Day: Keira Knightley, With Her Modest Bosom

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Sarah Silverman Would Like You to Schlep Your Jew Ass To Florida...

Solar Power Those Headlights

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 20:40:00 GMT

Following on the heels of the Chopstick Bra and the No! Shopping Bag Bra, comes the Solar Power Bra to, you know, help your boobs generate some juice.

A waist-mounted solar panel powers a small, chest-mounted electronic billboard or any other electronic device you choose to connect.

There's also a reusable cup nestled--where else--in the bra's own cup. The whole thing aims to "stimulate" eco-awareness and give the Internet yet another glimpse at Japanese women in strange underwear.

The Chopstick Bra

The No! Shopping Bag Bra

Scanner Highs and Lows: Even Sarah Palin's Breasts Want You to Vote for Barack Obama

Emily Farris — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 22:01:00 GMT

Oh, those aren't Sarah Palin's breasts? Well, with all the nude pictures of the Republican veep nominee floating around the Interwebs, you could have fooled us.

Highs:

We learned to love Matt Damon. A little.

We helped spread some rumors about the Palin kids. And that was fun.

We did what we could to help the giant penis man.

We got super sappy over Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi's wedding video.

We just can't get enough Photoshopped pictures of Republicans.

We found the most ~~inappropriate~~ amazing slide ever.

We know what you're getting for Christmas.

We learned some new ways to talk about masturbation.

Lows:

Sam Ronson and Lindsay Lohan reminded us that yesterday was September 11. And then it got worse.

We learned the war on sex may last longer than the war in Iraq.

We were completely overwhelmed with nude pictures of Sarah Palin.

We saw our future flash before our eyes, and devised a plan to change it.

Minnie Driver still won't tell us who her baby daddy is. But we have some ideas on the subject.

We sold out on our local Fox station.

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Someone Please Explain This Brum Thing To Us

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 13:34:00 GMT

A bra for your bum... ladies and gentlemen, but especially those who love a woman's butt, BlackBook introduces... the brum.

Traditionally considered an unattractive sign of sloppiness, plumber's butt is no longer a blue-collar syndrome, but naughty tease on par with the greatest sideboob. Anal cleavage has gained popularity this century with the rise of low-cut jeans (or should I say descent), the emergence of the whale tale, and most recently, posterior-revealing lingerie. Assless panties, if you will. Seven years ago, The Sun declared that "ass is the new tits," and this new breed of underwear finally proves them right.

Well, BlackBook, forgive us for bragging, but we've known "asses" were taking over boobs when we heard "Baby Got Back" had gone to #1 back in '92 or whenever that was. We still thank you for alerting us to agentprovocateur.com where one can purchase the above-pictured Cendrillion Cheeky Brief.

So gents, would you get turned on if your lady's pants shimmied down to reveal this? Ladies, how do you ass-sess this latest trend? Is it butt-ugly? (We'll stop, although we could've come up with some more.)

Via Blackbook.

This Teenage Girl Must Have Remarkably Cozy Breasts

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:19:00 GMT

This is Abbie Hawkins. She thought her cell phone was vibrating. It was not her cell phone, however. It was something a little more alive.

Yep. The girl had a baby bat asleep inside her bra. HOW THE HELL DOES A BABY BAT GET INTO SOMEONE'S BRA??

We would have screamed our tits off.

Kick-Ass Stranded Hiker Uses Bra To Save Her Own Life

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 15:22:00 GMT

Last week, a woman used an undergarment to injure her eye (somehow.) Now we're hearing that on Thursday, a Colorado woman hiking in the Bavarian alps, injured in a fall and trapped on a ledge, got the attention of police and rescuers using her bra.

Jessica Bruinsma (pictued above... or not), currently training for a marathon, was hiking in Germany when she fell onto a ledge, injuring her leg and dislocating her shoulder. Luckily, miraculously, there was a supply box containing water on the ledge and Bruinsma was able to keep herself alive for seventy hours. At some point, she realized the nearby presence of a line used by the local timber company. Unfortunately, the line was out of service-- but that didn't stop Jessica. She attached her bra to it...

...the cable was only within reach because the timber transport system was out of service.
When a repairman restored the line on Thursday, the cable car started moving up the mountain and Bruinsma's bra reached the worker at the base. He knew of the missing hiker and immediately called police.

Make all the jokes you want about a 20-something female using her bra to signal German lumberjacks, but we'll just sit back in mute awe at Bruinsma's brilliance and resourcefulness. We expect this won't be the last we hear of her...

Via Weird News.

Shopping for the Perfect Bra to Carry Your Mangoes?

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 21 May 2008 19:22:00 GMT

You know those 10-year-old grimey canvas bags you do your "eco-friendly" shopping with? They may be good for the environment, but it's disgusting that you actually put food in them. If you're finally ready to class-up, the bra on this lady folds out into two reusable, lacy red shopping bags.

It's called the No! Shopping Bag Bra, and it's nice to see underwear is finally pulling its weight in the fight against pollution.

Just reach right in there, and pull out the bags next time you're at the check out. For those of you who weren't so good in home ec, mechanics and inner workings below.

Sloppy Seconds: Penthouse at the Nursing Home

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 19:47:00 GMT

102-year-old British woman posed nude for a calendar to raise money for her local football team.

Today is Trans Day of Remembrance where we "recognize the horrors endured by trans communities" and "celebrate the lives we share."

What happens when your 34 FF bra goes through US airport security?

Italian court bans gossip in the media.

Slash is really messed up over a house he clearly bought without visiting first.

Video of the Day: The Chopstick Bra

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 19:00:00 GMT

With this chopstick-holding bra, never get stuck without the proper utensils again. Plus the bra helps the environment by cutting down on the use of disposable chopsticks. We love it when lingerie meets conservation. (via YesButNoButYes)