Scanner : brad pitt

Who Would You Rather: Brad Pitt vs. Every Other Man in the World?

Emily Farris — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:28:00 GMT

Angelina Jolie can't get no satisfaction. Though the actress has a bazillion kids with one of the hottest men in the world, she is apparently ready to make their relationship a little more open. Rumor has it that Jolie told Pitt she wants to take "other lovers." According to reports a "source" says, “Angie has never been a traditional kind of girl, especially when it comes to romance. Even though Brad was attracted to her unconventional behaviour initially, at his core he’s a traditional guy. As open-minded as he tries to be, he certainly wouldn’t be fine with her sleeping with another man and would definitely have resented the suggestion, even if it was a petulant slip of the tongue on her part.”

Of course, we have to ask: if you had to choose between sleeping with Brad Pitt or having your choice of every other man in the world, who would you rather?

Angelina Jolie: Babies Make Bangin' Better

Lesbians Love Angelina Jolie

Celebrity Ink: Angelina Jolie's Tattoos Look Really Great Next to Her Breasts

Is it me, or is Brad Pitt not as hot as he used to be?

Watch Jennifer Aniston Googly-Eye Brad Pitt

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While You Were Sleeping: Joining the Mile High Club

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

Forty million people tuned in to watch Obama's press conference. Yes, but what does it mean?

We're not sure what to say about the bank robber who rammed his getaway car into another car, fled, took a bus, taxi, and a ride from his sister, and was finally apprehened at home with a paltry four grand when he was forced to call 9-1-1. It turns out that he'd arrived home to find his roommate dead of an apparent suicide.

Oh no! A Three Stooges movie now?! Make it stop... and tell these actors we now officially hate them: Sean Penn, Jim Carrey, and Benicio del Toro.

These defense lawyers for Phil Spector would crack us up if they weren't helping psycho get away with second-degree murder.

Would you eat a 4,800 calorie burger? Would anyone?

Remember the guy who was busted in the act of having sex with a car wash vaccuum cleaner? Yeah, a mere 90 days for scarring those witnesses for life.

Skype is #1 in the world-- take that, AT&T.

A GOP whip chose the whip Britney Spears used onstage.

Chicago's St. Patrick's Day Parade is no more.

It's week 915 of the tabloids pretending Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are breaking up. But, for the first time ever, people are starting to believe it might be true.

And singer Elvis Crespo joined the Mile High Club... or so says this woman, who complained about it.

Jennifer Aniston Finally Speaks Out About Brad Pitt

Britney Spears Suffers From A Vagina Slip

"You'll Still Pay Money To Come See Me"

While You Were Sleeping: If Even Apple Is In Trouble

While You Were Sleeping: Jennifer Aniston Finally Speaks Out About Brad Pitt

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 13:12:00 GMT

A rabbi says he was able to conquer his fear of Nazis... by playing Call of Duty.

First, it was Bob Dole with the Tarantino movies. Now, it's Gary Sinise and Redacted. Why is it the conservatives always attack movies they haven't even seen?

Chris Brown and Rihanna are... writing a book? And it's about domestic abuse?!

Let The Right One In and Milk were released on DVD yesterday. Both are highly recommended.

Jennifer Aniston said she will "always love Brad Pitt" and hopes that they'll be friends again someday.

Oh no... Jamie Lynn Spears is planning to enter a recording studio to make a country album.

Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green are working it out. Sorry, dudes.

There are over 2,000 registered sex offenders on MySpace... 2,000 registered sex offenders just from North Carolina. In other news, people are still "on" MySpace.

And is Jim Cramer the meanest, loudest, most awful crybaby? Well, no, that's Bill O'Reilly, but Cramer does come pretty close at times.

Related:

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John & Jen's Perfectly in-Character Sexy Role Play

While You Were Sleeping: John Mayer vs. Jimmy Fallon?

Sloppy Seconds: Wanda Sykes Says "I Do"

Emily Farris — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 01:11:00 GMT

We usually wait until we have a mid-week lull to watch Flight of the Conchords (On Demand, baby!) but we're going to watch it as soon as we're done writing this post just so we can see the "Garfunkeling" in better quality. Also, why is it that Jemaine is the only one ever getting laid? [Jezebel]

A woman who was pulled over for breast-feeding her baby while driving gave a TV interview about it while breast-feeding her baby. She said the baby wasn't willing to wait for the milk at that time (when she was driving, and apparently also when she was giving the interview). Um, okay. [WLFI]

Umm... Skittles are now Twittering. Taste the rainbow? (Is this how Twitter is going to make money?) [TechnologyExpert]

Jennifer Aniston is still talking about her divorce from Brad Pitt. But to be fair, if we were her, we probably would be, too. [Jossip]

Rumor has it Lindsay Lohan's friends are now on Lilo death watch. [FadedYouth]

Recently-out Wanda Sykes has teamed up with a California non-profit to educate the public on equal marriage. [AfterEllen]

[Pre-Recorded] Live Blogging From the Oscars Red Carpet

Emily Farris — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 19:02:00 GMT

Our not-so-slutty sisters over at The Remote Island live-blogged last night's red carpet parade. Best line of the night: "Marisa Tomei's dress is proof positive that you can do folded catering napkin chic and rock it out."

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: 5:53 PM The Slumdog choreographer is teaching Debbie Matenopoulis bollywood dance moves. We're taking odds on how many segments like this we'll see before the night is out. We're putting the over under at 2.5

Debbie seems over the whole thing after about ten seconds even though the segment continues for another six minutes. "Jai Ho" keeps playing as they cut to every other E! correspondent and crew member following along with the double basketball move.

Read more...

Watch Jennifer Aniston Googly-Eye Brad Pitt

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 15:33:00 GMT

Besides Philippe Petit balancing an Oscar on his chin [see this post], the Oscars were almost entirely forgettable. Here's a moment, however, that you may have missed: watch Jennifer Aniston lock eyes with Brad and Angelina, starting somewhere after the 25 second mark.

Note that they are sitting in the front row and to Aniston's left... and that the camera mysteriously cuts off Brad Pitt's face, so we can't see what he's thinking... or maybe that's just bad YouTube bootleggin'... either way, apparently, this is what the internet is talking about this morning.

Related:

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Scanner Predicts the 2009 Academy Award Winners

While You Were Sleeping: The Fox News Child Porn Bust

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

If the grading system had been abandoned at our high schools, we might have gotten into some better universities.

PJ Harvey is coming to America! Who's buying us a ticket?

Who is Hollywood's most bankable star? Will Smith, followed by a host of males: Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, and-- well-- Brad Pitt's significant other.

Male police officers were punished for taking pictures of themselves at a sizeable party-- each cop was naked and holding a firearm.

Hillary Clinton is bored, wants you to e-mail her. Send her some Scanner links, see what happens.

Have you guys been following the Duff-Dunaway feud? Us neither.

And the Fox News producer arrested for possession of child porn was actually arrested ten years ago for the same crime, and subsequently dropped out of college in Michigan because of it.

So Lap Dances Aren't Acceptable at High School Basketball Games?

Museum Erotica Might Be the Economy's Next Victim

Jennifer Aniston Can't Win

Colleen Kane — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 17:45:00 GMT

I've never been a huge Jennifer Aniston fan; she does not typically have roles in movies I want to see.

But that aside, Leave Jennifer Alone already.

The blogs make her out to be a pathetic lunatic. Let's review some of her crimes, as seen on the Internet:

* She talks about Brad Pitt, a man she was married to for years, when she is asked about Brad Pitt.

* She wants to have children.

* She does not have any children yet.

* She dates John Mayer.

* She is maybe broken up with John Mayer.

* The woman now with Jennifer's ex-husband, hottest man alive Brad Pitt, is Angelina Jolie, is the hottest woman alive.

* Her ex-husband has a million kids while she has none.

* John Mayer says stupid shit while trying to be funny.

* By the way, she wants kids and has no kids

* Also, she is not married.

* She's not getting any younger, and has no kids.

* Don't you feel sorry for her? She used to be married to Brad Pitt, but now Angelina Jolie has him. Also, they have a million kids and she has none.

These are her crimes as tried and convicted on the snark sites. Just look at today's post on What Would Tyler Durden Do? Jennifer is asked about technology and dating, and she brings up that she still has some old answering machine messages from her first boyfriend and even her ex husband, prompting the opening sentence, "Jenifer Aniston is a lunatic." Sound the crazy alarm! Call the men in the white coats! Jennifer Aniston saved mementos from her past!

Sheesh.

Jennifer Aniston Does GQ...Naked

More Pictures Released from Jennifer Aniston's Naked 'GQ' Spread

John Mayer Reveals Intimate Detail in "Funny" Video

Colleen Kane — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 16:30:00 GMT

John Mayer made some video titled on YouTube as "funny." While we'd argue that it's more amusing than the output of some professional comics, that's still not saying much. (He's wearing a little boy's tie! Hee hee!)

John did reveal a few things in this video, though.

He jokes, twice, about his girth. He also goes into a tangent about Brad Pitt, the handsomest guy in the world who used to be married to his girlfriend Jenifer Aniston. Not afraid to go there!

While You Were Sleeping: John Mayer vs. Jimmy Fallon?

The One Time John Mayer Beats Hardcore Girl/Girl Action

And The Nominees Are... and Should've Been...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 16:51:00 GMT

At the crack of dawn this morning, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced its usually confounding, bizarre, idiotic, and trite little list of Oscar nominees.

This year, we have to say we agree with most-- and we use that word with great hesitation-- of their choices...

Best Actor: This is pretty much the only perfect set of nominees in the whole show. Jenkins, Pitt, Rourke, Penn, and Langella were the five best leading male performances of the year. Congratulations to the Academy-- they finally got something right.

Best Actress: Inarguably the biggest snub of the year in any category, the omission of Sally Hawkins' unforgettable, Golden Globe-winning performance in Happy Go Lucky is almost reason enough to boycott the boring-ass show right here. At least indie actress Melissa Leo was rewarded, but still...

Best Supporting Actor and Best Supporting Actress: Pretty solid here-- Michael Shannon, Heath Ledger, Viola Davis, and Penelope Cruz are all award-worthy and are nominated.

Documentary Feature: The biggest surprise of all-- the Academy actually rewarded a micro-budget classic that hasn't had any publicity of any kind (Trouble the Water), plus Werner Herzog's Encounters At the End of the World, one of the year's best films in any category, and the endlessly popular Man on Wire.

Foreign Film: Waltz With Bashir and, surprisingly enough, The Class are both represented, but it baffles us why the Academy would overlook the year's third-best film overall, The Secret of the Grain, an absolutely riveting account of one family's attempt to open its own business. It's devastating and uplifting at the same time-- what could be more Oscar worthy?

Best Picture: Now we come to the tricky part. While we're relieved to see Milk represented here, seeing as its the year's best film, we're more than worried that this is going to be Benjamin Button's year. We'd be satisfied if a predictable, ridiculous, and still incredibly entertaining film like Slumdog Millionaire wins, but God forbid the Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the Forrest Gump wannabe with its endless running time, pointless storyline, trivial anecdotal plotting, and racial stereotypes we thought Hollywood had gotten over in the 1930s wins a majority of the 13 categories its nominated in. (We could go on for hours longer about this Brad Pitt film, but the real problem is the fact that it's so widely praised; if it had been a bomb, we might even get behind it, for at least it was mildly amusing at times.) And don't even get us started on The Reader...

You can read the rest of the nominations here.

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And the Role of Oscar Host Goes to...

And the Critics Choice Award Goes To...

Golden Globes Best Dressed: How J-Lo's Ass Finally Won Us Over

PapSmeared: Brad Pitt, He's Just Like Us

Emily Farris — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 18:35:00 GMT

(Except we at least have the class to put our booze in a flask.)

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Will 2009 Be the 'Stache's Year to Shine?

Colleen Kane — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:35:00 GMT

The hipster beard, or "Williamsbeard," as I like to call it, came in like Gangbusters in 2008. But my spider senses have been tingling (much like the gentle tickle of facial hair), and that tells me that more moustaches may come into play this year.

It's already begun, according to The Daily Telegraph. Just look at that 'stache Brad Pitt's been sporting for Benjamin Button.

What do you think, yea or nay? And is handlebar ever okay?

A Comparatively Respectable New Gig for This Girl

Scanner Roundtable: Facial Hair

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:03:00 GMT

Every Hollywood action movie has to have a distracting sex scene about 70 minutes into the movie, just before the big, climactic showdown sequence begins-- just ask Sylvester Stallone. We defy you to name one action flick he's done without him rolling around in the sack with a Sharon Stone type, while Enya's instrumental score plays on the soundtrack in time with the snoring of almost everyone.

But, as no dude would feel the film is complete without it, screenwriters and directors keep plugging them in, sometimes ending up with something halfway decent...

Here are our Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies... God forbid you ask us to remember the context these fall in:

5. Cyborg 2. Is that... Good Lord, it is, isn't it? Yep, check out Angelina Jolie's slow-mo boobs in this quintessential pointless action movie sex scene, which was Jack Palance's ridiculously boneheaded followup to winning an Oscar for City Slickers. You can watch a higher quality clip of the same scene here (it's a smaller, non-embeddable frame.)

4. Killing Zoe. Watching this a second time, we realize how hilariously (and obviously) Freudian this is. The clip from the original Nosferatu, where the man springs from the floor, fully erect? Not phallic at all. Neither is the Venus fly trap clamping shut. The more we started thinking about this-- that Julie Delpy is the hooker with the heart of gold who gets Stockholm Syndrome and falls in love with a bank robber... ay ay ay... now we know why this fell into obscurity, despite Tarantino's involvement. Goodness starts at the 10:00 mark in the full film (seen below) or just click this link to go directly to the sex.

3. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. This obnoxiously bad ripoff of "Prizzi's Honor" at least satisfied one requirement of the Hollywood action genre: a gratuitous, PG-13 rated sex scene. You actually see the moment where Brad Pitt decided to cheat on Jennifer Aniston in this clip.

2. The Terminator. It takes a hell of a director to making these two co-stars look sexy-- which is why James Cameron now has more money than a Fannie Mae exec. No wonder he ended up with Linda Hamilton for many years...

1. 300. Try watching any random section of dialogue in this film. Seriously-- you won't be able to last ten seconds without breaking out in fits of hysterical laughter. But this sex scene will shut you up right quick.

Chloe Sevigny Would Like More Topless Sex Scenes, Please

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Winslet's Other Sex Scenes

No, Wait, the Lithuanian Playboy Calendar Is What We Really Wanted

This Week in Gayness: Being Gay Is A Choice, Say Repuglicans

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 15:17:00 GMT

We're really sick of Tim Kaine. First, he botches the Democratic response to the State of the Union in a year when he could have turned the tide away from that dreadful President of ours; then, he decides he wants to be the next DNC chair. Now, this ass-backwards dweeb is going to help lead the party away from progressive values like, for example, marriage equality. Kaine, according to Queers United, "has endorsed an amendment banning same-sex marriage. Click here to ask why LGBT democrats should support a party whose chair is anti civil unions and more anti-gay than John McCain."

The guy who stole the 2004 Presidential election in Ohio thinks being gay is a choice. We don't even know where to start with his fucking scoundrel.

Speaking of elections, a gay bishop is to open Obama's inaugural weekend festivities.

Two hotel staffers in Tennessee were fired shortly after a former employee informed the boss of their homosexuality.

Don't miss the National Lesbian Health Summit in March.

Not satisfied with a statewide ban on same-sex marriage, one assmunch is attempting to outlaw domestic partnership benefits for gays in Tampa, Florida.

Brad Pitt reiterated his support for gay marriage and reminded us he and Angelina won't get married until everyone can.

And Proposition 8 supporters are freaked out about boycotts-- they're suing to try to keep the donation info private. In fact, we wish we could publish a complete list here of all the people who donated-- it's freedom of information, they shouldn't be ashamed...

Related:

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This Week in Gayness: The New Transgender Minister

This Week in Gayness: Sean Penn and Mickey Rourke Get Personal

This Week In Gayness: Straight Man Sues Over Homophobic Taunting

This Week In Gayness: The Coming Out TV Series

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Winslet's Other Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

William Zantzinger, subject of the Bob Dylan protest song "The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll," died in Maryland of undisclosed causes.

Ian McKellen isn't too upset PBS doesn't have the balls to include the nude scene in their broadcast of his play.

Marilyn Manson is being sued by his ex-bandmate for twenty million dollars. Why do we care? Wait till you hear what Manson apparently spent the band's royalties on...

Bier, otherwise known as Madonna Wayne Gacy, sued Manson for more than $20 million last year, claiming Manson siphoned off millions of dollars in band revenue.

The funds allegedly paid for drugs, assorted Nazi paraphernalia, the cost of Von Teese's engagement ring and the ex-couple's 2005 wedding, and the interior decorating of Manson's mansion, which features a stuffed grizzly bear, a pair of baboons and the skeleton of a 4-year-old Chinese girl. [E!]

Patricia Arquette shilled for PETA.

Sources say pop singer Fergie is getting married this weekend. At last, a wedding the gossip rags aren't going apeshit over.

Kate Winslet said her teenage co-star was "terrified" during their sex scenes together in The Reader. Who can blame him? We'd have made a mess of the whole thing-- repeatedly.

Even though photos prove he was seeing Angelina Jolie on the side while still married, Brad Pitt claims he did not cheat.

Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich will not resign before he's impeached, even though a committee voted 21-0 to remove him. It's now in the hands of the State House of Representatives.

And Maine is getting the topless coffee shop! Hooray?

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Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz Weighs in on the Taste of Breast Milk

Emily Farris — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 23:51:00 GMT

If we were guys who were into girls, we don't think we could come up with anything more dreamy than going on a karaoke date with Drew Barrymore. Lucky Jason Segel. [Us]

Jennifer Aniston's "Marley and Me" outsold her ex Brad Pitt's "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" at the box office over the weekend, leaving us able to only mutter "nah nah nah nah boo boo." [FadedYouth]

We're actually sort-of surprised we haven't seen a VPILF (Vice President I'd Like to Fuck) shirt sooner. [LustyLady]

Speaking of Sarah Palin, Tina Fey has been voted the Associated Press' Entertainer of the Year. [AP]

According to a new study out of the UK women who wear a U.K. size 14 are happier in life than their smaller and larger counterparts. Considering a size 14 in the UK is a size 10 here, that sounds about right. Right? [Jezebel]

Websites may soon be given cinema-style ratings. If it actually happens, you might need to be accompanied by your parent next time you visit Scanner. Meh, who are we kidding? You'll probably need to be 18 to enter. [TimesOnline]

Pete Wentz (and his penis!) continue to keep it classy. He recently tried wife Ashlee Simpson's breast milk and found it to taste "weird" and "sour." [Strollerderby]

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Who Would You Rather: Jon Favreau vs. Jon Favreau?

Emily Farris — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 19:43:00 GMT

You probably know Jon Favreau, the actor, screenwriter, director and all around guy we'd like to have over for breakfast. You may or may not be as familiar with the new Jon Favreau on the block: president elect Barack Obama's 27-year-old speech writer.

We'd go for the funny bearded (though we realize the error of the goatee in this case) burly guy over the Brad Pitt-esque suit any day—except today. The country is wet for Obama, and so are we. Fucking Obama's speech writer probably falls somewhere along the lines of making out with your crush's roommate in college. It gets you close enough to what you want and at least keeps you satisfied until you get it, or realize you're never going to get it.

So, who would you rather? Jon Favreau or Jon Favreau?

See their dueling Wikipedia entries here and here.

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AFI's Lame Top Ten 2008 Movie List

Scanner Matt — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 23:28:00 GMT

Maybe The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is telling us something. Americans grow up to be children (who think superhero flicks and fancy cartoons deserve critical acclaim). Yet another list of the "best" movies of 2008. This time from the American Film Institue.

Is it us or were last year's picks (with the exception of Ratatouille) far more interesting? And no Slumdog Millionaire? No Doubt? This list is only 40% right in our opinion.

AFI AWARDS 2008

AFI MOVIES OF THE YEAR-OFFICIAL SELECTIONS

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

THE DARK KNIGHT

FROST/NIXON

FROZEN RIVER

GRAN TORINO

IRON MAN

MILK

WALL•E

WENDY AND LUCY

THE WRESTLER

We'll throw in the TV list too:

AFI TV PROGRAMS OF THE YEAR-OFFICIAL SELECTIONS

BREAKING BAD

IN TREATMENT

JOHN ADAMS

LIFE

LOST

MAD MEN

THE OFFICE

RECOUNT

THE SHIELD

THE WIRE

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And the Role of Oscar Host Goes to...

Top 5 Chase Scenes

Top 5 Drunk Scenes of American Cinema

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More Pictures Released from Jennifer Aniston's Naked 'GQ' Spread

Emily Farris — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 15:45:00 GMT

If Jennifer Aniston's naked GQ cover wasn't enough for you yesterday, more pictures from the January issue have been released. We have them after the jump for your viewing pleasure... and the resolution is ~~much~~ a little better.

Related:

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Jennifer Aniston Does GQ...Naked

Emily Farris — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 18:14:00 GMT

We got strangely and uncharacteristically uncomfortable when we saw Jennifer Aniston naked on the cover of the January GQ (which hits stands December 23). Perhaps you'll have a different reaction?

It's just that she looks so damn good.

Take that, Brangelina!

In addition to looking amazing, she has a few things to say.

On why she thinks people are still interested in her split with Brad, four years after the fact: “Jokingly: The funny thing is that people don’t realize we all go away to the Hamptons on the weekends… No. But can you imagine? That’d be hysterical: I’ve got Zahara on my hip, and Knox…”

On her current relationship with Brad: “We don’t not talk. When there’s something to congratulate or celebrate, there’s always an exchange. But there’s no charge on it.”

On her on-again, off-again boyfriend John Mayer: “Honestly, did not know much about him before I met him. I’d heard … you know, uh ‘Your Body’ – that song. But what I can say is that I had no idea what an extraordinary musician he is. And it’s just great to sit and be witness t that. It’s kind of like, Whoa!”

On the rumors surrounding Jen and John: “I am not having his baby. And I have not popped the question.”

Clearly, she is not pregnant.

We look forward to seeing this in hires.

While You Were Sleeping: Jennifer Aniston's Big News

Who Is Jennifer Aniston Doing Hot Sweaty Hand Holding With These Days?

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Golden Globe Nominations Even Worse Than We Expected

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:23:00 GMT

As usual, the studios sent their movie star emissaries, who cajoled and bribed the Hollywood Foreign Press into making this lackluster set of nominations.

Geez, you'd think that journalists for foreign newspapers would be more removed from Hollywood and have a more neutral perspective on its usually terrible moviemaking...

BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
FROST/NIXON
THE READER
REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

So, instead of Milk and Wall-E (and not to mention the host of brilliant foreign films released this year, especially Edge of Heaven), we get the widely-panned The Reader and the Sam Mendes flick Revolutionary Road, which has been ignored in every year in best-of up until now. But what's even worse is this category:

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

DEXTER (SHOWTIME)
Showtime/John Goldwyn Productions/The Colleton Company/Clyde Phillips Productions
HOUSE (FOX)
Universal Media Studios in association with Heel and Toe Films, Shore Z Productions and Bad Hat Harry Productions
IN TREATMENT (HBO)
Sheleg, Closest to the Hole Productions in association with HBO Entertainment
MAD MEN (AMC)
Lionsgate Television
TRUE BLOOD (HBO)

You have to be kidding: House, In Treatment, and-- gag-- True Blood over The Wire? Hell, Gossip Girl and-- we're only slightly joking-- the Hills as Best Drama over some of these choices. You think these people actually watch the shows before they nominate them or just watch the sex scenes on Scanner?

There are some bright spots: Rebecca Hall, Penelope Cruz, and Javier Bardem for Vicki Christina Barcelona, Tom Cruise for his genius and unannounced three-scene performance in Tropic Thunder, and 30 Rock and Weeds for Best Comedy Series, with Tina Fey and Mary-Louise Parker up for Best Actress.

See the rest here.

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Award Season Kicked into Gear, Critics Choose

Scanner Matt — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 20:21:00 GMT

The Dark Knight and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button are looking pretty good, while Revolutionary Road was shunned. Is Brad Pitt going to finally pull off some big wins or will Mickey Rourke solidify his comeback with a few trophies?

The Broadcast Film Critics Associations is usually a good barometer for Academy Award nominations (as the Golden Globe Awards usually throw us a few curveballs).

2009 Critics Choice Awards Nominees

BEST PICTURE
Changeling
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Doubt
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire
Wall-E
The Wrestler

BEST ACTOR
Clint Eastwood - Gran Torino
Richard Jenkins - The Visitor
Frank Langella - Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn - Milk
Brad Pitt - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke - The Wrestler

BEST ACTRESS
Kate Beckinsale - Nothing But the Truth
Cate Blanchett - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Anne Hathaway - Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie - Changeling
Melissa Leo - Frozen River
Meryl Streep - Doubt

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Josh Brolin - Milk
Robert Downey, Jr. - Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Doubt
Heath Ledger - The Dark Knight
James Franco - Milk

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Penelope Cruz - Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis - Doubt
Vera Farmiga - Nothing But the Truth
Taraji P. Henson - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler
Kate Winslet - The Reader

BEST ACTING ENSEMBLE
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Doubt
Milk
Rachel Getting Married

BEST DIRECTOR
Danny Boyle - Slumdog Millionaire
David Fincher - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard - Frost/Nixon
Christopher Nolan - The Dark Knight
Gus Van Sant - Milk

BEST WRITER (Original or Adapted Screenplay)
Simon Beaufoy - Slumdog Millionaire
Dustin Lance Black - Milk
Peter Morgan - Frost/Nixon
Eric Roth - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
John Patrick Shanley - Doubt

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
Bolt
Kung Fu Panda
Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa
Wall-E
Waltz With Bashir

BEST YOUNG ACTOR/ACTRESS (Under 21)
Dakota Fanning - The Secret Life of Bees
David Kross - The Reader
Dev Petal - Slumdog Millionaire
Brandon Walters - Australia

BEST ACTION MOVIE
The Dark Knight
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Iron Man
Quantum of Solace
Wanted

BEST COMEDY
Burn After Reading
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Role Models
Tropic Thunder
Vicky Cristina Barcelona

BEST PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
John Adams
Recount
Coco Chanel

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
A Christmas Tale
Gomorrah
I've Loved You So Long
Let the Right One In
Mongol
Waltz With Bashir

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
I.O.U.S.A.
Man On Wire
Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired
Standard Operating Procedure
Young At Heart

BEST SONG
"Another Way to Die" - Jack White and Alicia Keys/Jack White - Quantum of
Solace
"Down to Earth" - Peter Gabriel/Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman - Wall-E
"I Thought I Lost You" - Miley Cyrus and John Travolta/Miley Cyrus and
Jeffrey Steele - Bolt
"Jaiho" - Sukhwinder Singh/A.R. Rahman and Gulzar - Slumdog Millionaire
"The Wrestler" - Bruce Springsteen/Bruce Springsteen - The Wrestler

BEST COMPOSER
Alexandre Desplat - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Clint Eastwood - Changeling
Danny Elfman - Milk
Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard - The Dark Knight
A.R. Rahman - Slumdog Millionaire

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Hot or Not: Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler

Sean Penn Propositions James Franco for Sex

Angelina Jolie is Smoking Hot in Vanity Fair (In the Bathtub)

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While You Were Sleeping: Imagine Porky's... But Starring Kate Winslet

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

Lil' Wayne won the popularity contest known as the Grammy nominations process. However, it wasn't a total loss: M.I.A., Coldplay, Taylor Swift, and Alison Krauss at least received more than their share.

Sarah Palin's latest ethics violation is being blamed on an "administrative error." Yeah, right-- then why has it been two months since the media had a field day with this "oversight" and only now you're fixing it?

Hey fatasses in Louisiana... Vermont can squeeze you in.

The official overseeing the police department in York County, PA was arrested on rape charges following a two-hour standoff with the police.

No one told us Andrew W.K. was hosting Ted Leo karaoke last night with Ted Leo/Pharmacists playing a full set, plus one where the audience does live karaoke with the band. Awesomeness.

Defamer asks "Is The Reader the new Porky's?" Apparently, The Reader was directed by Judd Aptow and features Jessica Biel's boobs.

We never understand when people talk smack about Brad Pitt. He's a charming old bastard...

Sloppy Seconds: The Curious Case of 130,000 Missing Breasts

Emily Farris — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 22:47:00 GMT

Sometimes headlines really do just write themselves: "Indiantown man accused of assaulting girlfriend with hot sweet potato pie." [Sun Sentinel]

Patrick Swayze says that contrary to news reports he's winning the fight against pancreatic cancer. To those who reported otherwise, we say nobody puts Patrick's pancreas in a corner! [Yahoo!]

Happy Britney Spears Day! Not only is she the most Googled person for four years running, it's her 27th birthday. Looks like she made it... [MollyGood]

Soulja Boy has gone on record saying that "Supermanning a Ho" is not something that one can actually do. We know better. [Vulture]

Is giving him money and electing him not enough? Barack Obama is never going to stop asking us for money, is he? At least if we do it now, we get a snazzy scarf. [Barack Obama]

OMG! Chuck and Vanessa were totes caught kissing at the Dallas airport. Sorry, that's Gossip Girl talk. [Us]

Brad Pitt says he'll let his kids decide whether or not he and Agelina Jolie should get married. Srsly? (Sorry, more Gossip Girl talk). [People]

The Australian men's magazine Ralph planned an inflatable-breast giveaway promotion with their January issue, but the shipment of 130,000 boobs was lost at sea! [YBNBY]

While You Were Sleeping: Leftover Edition

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 18:14:00 GMT

More like: While You Were Eating...

Britney Spears' diet consists mainly of "Taco Bell and turkey jerky washed down with Red Bull." Now that's a Thanksgiving dinner we can get behind!

The 2009 Pretty in Mink calendar features supposed conservatives pretending to be glamorous.

Since InTouch is a waste of hopefully recyclable paper, we can't be sure if this Angelina Jolie news is true...

According to InTouch, Saint Angie told everyone the news when a waiter tried to pour her ass a booze drink at a restaurant in London. Brad Pitt gave Angie Jo the side-eye because he wasn't ready to go public with the news [that she's pregnant again.]

Enjoy the above photo of Tina Fey now... because this pic of her may traumatize you for life.

Karl Rove... closet Obama fan? By the way, the transition team has received almost 300,000 resumes so far.

And your comic relief: New Jersey police responded to an alarm at a bank after hours and, seeing what appeared to be a person inside, they evacuated nearby apartments, surrounded the bank, and began making requests through a megaphone. Later on, they realized the person was actually a cardboard cutout.

Related:

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We Got Yer 30 Rock Season Premiere Right Here...

Hush That Noise! Hugh Jackman is Not the Sexiest Man Alive

Emily Farris — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 17:02:00 GMT

People has named Hugh Jackman the Sexiest Man Alive in 2008. While we cannot deny that Jackman is very sexy and is alive, we absolutely cannot sit idly by while People spews these lies to the public.

So who do we think is the sexiest man alive? Like there was ever any question (and no, it's not Barack Obama or Robert Downey Jr, though they, too are sexy and alive).

Oh, god. Make it stop! Make it stop!

Does anyone disagree with us? If so, we challenge you to a brawl!

[Today: G’day! Hugh Jackman is new Sexiest Man Alive]

Sloppy Seconds: Are Ryan Gosling and Scanner Emily Wishing Underneath the Same Big Star?

While You Were Sleeping: Somebody Had Her Hands All Over Our Man Ryan Gosling

And You Thought Bill Clinton Was A Sex-Crazed Politician...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 13:52:00 GMT

As part of our continuing obsession with Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi('s sex life), we present highlights from the extended New Yorker profile of the high-profile cheater.

There won't be any juicier gossip in your news all day, even if Paris Hilton gets donkey punched by Brad Pitt...

Berlusconi, in his undeniably fascist approach to government, is only remotely concerned with his philandering, bribery, corruption, and other crimes. It makes for uncomfortable and even disturbing reading, although mighty juicy!

Here are a few highlights:

having survived some seventeen criminal trials without ultimately being convicted.
an enormous casting couch that Berlusconi used to grant favors to aspiring actresses and to try to bring down the government
does little to hide the fact that he has had a face-lift and hair transplants
a dodering septuagenarian addicted to penis pumps and mysterious injections; supports like to paint him as a tireless Don Juan, capable of satisfying two or three women at once
[a comedian said about Mara Carfagna, a close associate and rumored lover of Berlusconi's] "You can't make someone Minister of Equl Opportunity just because she's sucked your cock!"
does little to hide the fact that he has had a face-lift and hair transplants
[Carfagna] has undergone a major makeover since her days on television, when she favored short skirts.... "They've seen my ass even in Germany" [is a popular online video about featuring Carfagna in her showgirl days]
[Berlusconi to Carfagna] "If I weren't already married, I'd marry you!" [he said at a public event, which led to a tabloid-crazed spat with Mrs. Berlusconi, Veronica Lario]
[A note passed to Berlusconi during a session of Parliament, which Berlusconi controls with the same amount of unchecked power as Vladimir Putin or, worse yet, Joseph Stalin]: "Dear [President], we accept romantic appointments only from you."

We'd reveal more, but we want you to enjoy the New Yorker article for yourself. See the Nov. 3 issue for the rest.

Related:

Italian Model's Virginity For Sale (And For Only $1.5 Million!)

There She Is... The World's Most Beautiful Nun

Italian Prime Minister Hides--a Breast of--the Naked Truth Behind His Big Fat Head

Italy's Prime Minister Accused of "Pimping Out" Young Starlets

While You Were Sleeping: The Scientologists Planned Their Invasion of New York

Check Out The Top 10 Topless Socialists

Top 5 Sexiest Celebrity Costumes

Sloppy Seconds: Where Joe Biden Stands on Prop8

Emily Farris — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:22:00 GMT

Attention Mad Men fans, the show has been renewed for a third season. [Radar]

Lil' Wayne is expecting an even lil'er Wayne in just a couple of days. [MTV]

Maybe it's just the hair in this picture (and the bad facial hair and hats in other pictures) but are we the only ones who think Brad Pitt is not getting better with age? [People]

Scarlett Johnansson will host the 15th Annual Nobel Peace Prize Concert on December 11 in Oslo, Norway. Set to appear are Diana Ross and Feist. [Faded Youth]

Apparently Sarah Silverman is not so popular in the U.K. [BBC]

Our Internet was out for most of the day, so we watched a lot of television and we heard it with our own ears: Joe Biden said he'd vote "No" on Proposition 8 if he lived in California. So, just because he may think personally that a marriage should be between a man and a woman, he doesn't want to inflict that on other people. And we can at least live with that, we guess. Also, we're pretty sure he kissed Julia Louis-Dreyfus on the lips.

Sloppy Seconds: Has Colin Powell Finally Made Up His Mind?

Video of the Day: Sarah Silverman Would Like You to Schlep Your Jew Ass To Florida and Save the F*cking World Already

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Cosmo Names The Sexiest Man In the Universe...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:01:00 GMT

It's a known fact that men get better with age. That goes a long way toward explaining why two dudes in their mid-forties topped Cosmopolitan's poll of The World's Sexiest Men. But only one... can be #1....

First: it should be noted before we get started that this appears to be a British survey... does that change your prediction? (Not for us, but it certainly explains the presence of Pierce Brosnan and the members of Take That.)

And the winner is...

Ladies and dudes who enjoy the male form, what do you think of their pick, as well as runner-up George Clooney (47!) and the other 23 choices...?

1 Johnny Depp, 45
2 George Clooney, 47
3 Jake Gyllenhaal, 27
4 Daniel Craig, 40
5 Brad Pitt, 44
6 James McAvoy, 29
7 JustinTimberlake, 27
8 Will Smith, 40
9 David Beckham, 33
10 Wentworth Miller, 36
11 Christian Bale, 34
12 Jonathan Rhys Meyers, 31
13 Take That: Gary Barlow, 37, Mark Owen, 36, Howard Donald, 40 and Jason Orange, 38
14 Ashton Kutcher, 30
15 Dermot O''Leary, 35
16 David Tennant, 37
17 Patrick Dempsey, 42
18 Clive Owen, 44
19 Pierce Brosnan, 55
20 Mark Ronson, 33
21 Gordon Ramsay, 41
22 Russell Brand, 33
23 Pharrell Williams, 35
24 Ryan Reynolds, 31
25 Olivier Martinez, 42

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Johnny Depp and His Penis Will Not Be Shilling Trojans

Does Esquire Magazine Hate Johnny Depp Or Something?

While You Were Sleeping: The New Robin Hood Movie

Halloween Contest: Horror Movie Victims You'd Like to F*ck

Crushes of the Week: Johnny/Jude/Colin to replace Heath in Unfinished Role

Regarding Matt Damon: We See Your "Meh," Nicole, and Raise You an "Eff Yeah"

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Pregnant Ladies

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 13:50:00 GMT

Jeff Mangum, who wrote and performed the biggest cult indie album of all time, In The Aeroplane Over the Sea, returned to the stage but did not work up the nerve to do any of his own songs.

A raid in Tennessee netted 19 female prostitutes and two transvestites.

You heard what happened on South Park last week, right? Yeah, but did you hear about the show's ratings?

South Park beat George Lucas at his own pervy game Wednesday with its already-infamous "Indy rape" episode — the show's highest-rated fall premiere in nine years. Paradoxically, this must mean Indiana Jones 5 will be green-lit within the hour... [Defamer]

Not a fan of giraffes? You will be after this super cute photo spread?

Good news, everyone: Scotland has given you the okay to have a drink while pregnant.

Matthew Shepherd was murdered ten years ago Sunday.

John McCain, who vowed to "whip [Obama's] ass" at the third and final debate this Wednesday, has confirmed he will appear on David Letterman's show the following evening. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin's appearance on SNL is no longer a "done deal."

The national debt is freaking some people out. Especially when they see it (literally) growing before their eyes.

And the favorite face of tabloid readers is no longer Jennifer Aniston... it's Brad Pitt's former "other woman," seen above...

Ironically, Brad Pitt's former wife Jennifer Aniston, who topped the list in 2007, came in second. Jolie won in all Forbes categories - for sales, likability and most covers. [Starpulse]