Scanner : brazilian

Is Our Children Learning About Internet Porn?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:21:00 GMT

The Sun, like the rest of us here in the world of serious journalism, has been unable to find anything interesting to talk about from this weekend's wire reports. So, instead, it decided to make up a crisis: "Internet Porn is Ruining Our Childrens' Futures, By God!"

Normally, we see this kind of idiotic rant on a daily basis and pass it by without even consciously registering that we've seen it. However, we're quite glad to have seen The Sun's disastrously funny take on the state of British teenagers... and we haven't even made it halfway yet...

A GENERATION of teens are growing up thinking they should behave like PORN STARS.

You gotta love the Sun for these opening lines. The combination of bold text and random ALL CAPS gives their leads the feel of a CRAZY-ASS New York City SUBWAY BUM POET'S handmade rant signs. ("WoRDSworth isn't worth SHIT. read ThiS!")

It leads to them having unsafe sex, boob jobs and Hollywood waxes. Girls as young as 14 and 15 are even stripping on webcams and sending pictures to boyfriends — who think writhing in front of a lens is the norm.

Oh, now they're called Hollywood waxes? Do you think-- I mean, really-- that girls are getting their pubic hair waxed because Jenna Haze gets it done? Right here, you know this Sun writer is just making this all up 10 minutes before her deadline.

Nearly nine out of ten youngsters aged 14 to 17 have seen porn and nearly one in five are viewing it more than once a week.

Look, Sun writer, I have a confession to make. When I was 14, I saw porn more than once a week. Every single guy I knew saw porn at least as much as I did-- it's called "stealing Playboy's from your uncle when he's drunk." And not one of the guys I knew ever got laid until they were at least 18. At least.

Sixty three per cent of teens surveyed say they do not discuss sex openly at home, while 77 per cent of those who watch porn say their parents are unaware they do it.

This may be the part that blows our minds the most. 77% of teens have been able to keep their porn addiction a secret? Meaning nearly a quarter of British parents are letting their kids get away with it? Wow... those are some cool parents.

You can read the rest of this nonsense here.

Hair Has Hair Down Thare

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 15:06:00 GMT

That's the cast of the musical "Hair," which was performed free in Central Park last summer and is enjoying a revival right now on Broadway.

While the show is expected to be a success and has been generating decent buzz, the gossip rags have found a way to bash it in their own special way: by mocking the cast for perceived hangups about the show's full-frontal nudity...

The always-professional Post reports:

IT'S the real thing when it comes to the full-frontal nudity in the revival of "Hair." A rumor floating around Broadway was that the actresses playing the unshaven '60s hippies in the rock musical were being fitted with pubic hairpieces so they wouldn't have to give up their Brazilian waxes. But a rep for the show, which opens Tuesday at the Al Hirschfeld Theatre, says all hair will be strictly home grown. "It's all natural. There are no merkins in the show at all," he laughed. [NY Post]

Jezebel mocks Murdoch's goons right back:

So gross: The cast of Hair may not have as much of the titular item as they're supposed to… especially down there. Rumors floating around the revival allude to the fact that many of the women in the cast are going to be wearing merkins (seriously, Google that shit) so they won't have to give up their wax/shave schedule. Broadway is disgusting, y'all. [Jezebel]

We don't care, we'll go see it, merkins or muffins...

Related:

World Naked Bike Ride Takes Over the Southern Hemisphere

New Jersey Contemplates Ban on Brazilian Wax

Otto, the Gay Zombie Flick on DVD Today

NYU Boys Learn How to Clean Up Down There

O No! O Magazine's Warning to Waxers

New Jersey Contemplates Ban on Brazilian Wax

Colleen Kane — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 16:02:00 GMT

New Jersey's Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling is considering a ban on genital waxing, as cosmetologists across the state are discovering, to their surprise, that the process is already illegal.

What should be illegal about a Brazilian wax? Isn't it, technically, just a hairstyle?

A spokesman for the Department of Consumer Affairs explained that the move resulted from two complaints from women whose waxes landed them in the hospital, one of whom sued.

A dermatologist consulted by the Philadelphia Daily News admitted that the procedure could tear skin and result in infection, but anything could cause an infection. The cosmetologists were less subtle in their commentary:

"The clients are going to freak."

"If it's illegal, then why do they teach it in schools?"

"(Women would) go ballistic."

The jury is out until the board meets on April 14.

Related:

What Exactly Do You Do With Your Hair Down There?

Today in the Apocalypse: Makeover Parties For Little Girls

Manscaping: Friend or Foe?

The Best Job in the World? Carnival Body Painters

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 20:33:00 GMT

Since our coverage of Brazil's carnival celebrations began on Monday, curious readers have been musing on the lucky bastards who get to paint fake pasties, images of Obama, and "pieces of tape" on the queens of the parade.

Luckily, MSNBC took a break from goofing on Bobby "Hale-Bop Eyes" Jindal to bring us a profile of one of those lucky bastards...

Among the highlights from the extended profile (geez, you would think the reporter actually desired to stick around all those completely naked women getting done up in exotic colors) of Betto Almeida, the most hated man in South America today, are these choice moments:

...he spends hours painting the bodies of gorgeous women — and earning as much as $2,000 a day...
"You wouldn't believe how many applications I get for an assistant," Almeida deadpanned, never taking his eyes from his work as he brushed bright orange paint on the stomach of a model in his glass-enclosed studio under the grandstands at the Sambadrome...
...models who earn about $250 a night to mingle, clad only in paint, with high-rollers in the luxury boxes...

Michele Peres, a 28-year-old model wearing tiny black shorts, snakeskin stilettos and a watch... "...his work draws more attention to me. It is good for him, it is good for me."
Both women said some men — mostly foreigners — get a little frisky in the box seats...
...he dipped his brush into one of a dozen plastic water bottles cut in half to hold his paint, carefully painting jaguar spots on the back of the model's thighs...

"...How could I say no?" he asked, diving into a cheeseburger after finishing up with Peres. "A lot of guys are jealous of my job."

The full story is here.

Related:

Brazilian Carnival Outdoing Itself Almost Daily With Risque Nudity

Obama Crashes Carnival Party, Thanks to Naked Carnival Queen

Sports Illustrated Fails At Bikinis, Tries Bodypainting

Brazilian Carnival Outdoing Itself Almost Daily With Risque Nudity

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:44:00 GMT

Dani Sperle. Remember the name of that nude Brazilian carnival superstar-- yesterday, we asked you to memorize the words Viviane Castro, but we're unceremoniously brushing her aside-- for Dani just took South America by storm or, rather, by boob...

According to unsubstantied reports from Brazil's front lines, Dani Sperle has just beaten Viviane Castro's 2008 record for the skimpiest carnival costume. If you think we're making this category up, you need to read this:

Brazilian media outlets are very excited about the fact that there is a new record for the smallest article of clothing to be worn in a Carnival parade. Model Dani Sperle showed up at the parade in Rio de Janeiro wearing a headdress, a necklace, boots, armbands ... and a piece of cloth that was 3 centimeters long. For as much coverage as this fact was given, none of the reports specify how she wore this piece of cloth. It broke the record set last year by Viviane Castro at 4 centimeters. Castro was penalized for not meeting minimum standards, though no penalties have been assessed against Sperle yet. [TampaBay.com]

It's in a Florida newspaper, and you know everyone is sane and not full of bullshit in that state. However, we can actually confirm the outfit, based on this unfortunately-censored photo:

Yesterday, one commenter asked where the "strategically-placed tape" was... your answer may appear above, good sir.

And if you're annoyed at the censored photo, here are two NSFW photos of today's record-breaker... put two and two together using your imagination, people...

Related:

Obama Crashes Carnival Party, Thanks to Naked Carnival Queen

Nude Night Invades Florida

Mr. Skin's 2009 Naked Oscar Nominees, Free & Uncensored

Kate Moss Stocks Up On Beer, Strips For New York Magazine

Obama Crashes Carnival Party, Thanks to Naked Carnival Queen

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 16:18:00 GMT

We spent most of the weekend complaining about how peeved we were to be missing the New Orleans Mardi Gras, mainly venting to people standing next to us at New York's many Mardi Gras parties. It would've helped ease our guilty conscience over not supporting the Katrina-ravaged economy down south if someone had only alerted us to these photos sooner.

Viviane Castro is the Queen of Brazil's Carnival, which rolled through the streets of Rio on Saturday night. She caused mucho controversy last year by taking to the streets in little more than some body paint and a carefully-placed piece of Scotch tape. This year, she could only attempt to one-up herself if she brought politics into it: and she did... with something of an anti-Obama message.

According to some sources, the Queen used her body to cry out about the selling of the Amazon to US companies, who are destroying Brazil's pride and joy. The portrait of Obama on her right leg is to call him out on a perceived complacency or even complicity in the American corporate deals made by Brazil's president, pictured on her left leg.

Here are photos from her controversial 2008 appearance at Carnival:

Related:

Does This Supermodel Look Fat To You?

Kate Moss Stocks Up On Beer, Strips For New York Magazine

Dita Von Teese Ends Her Paris Show in Style

Fake Celebrity Engineers Fake Topless Candids

O No! O Magazine's Warning to Waxers

Colleen Kane — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 18:58:00 GMT

A question in Oprah's O magazine points out a waxing danger we hadn't given much thought to before, but which rates consideration. When you go to get those hairs did, can you catch a dose of anything from the pot of hot wax?

Yes, says beauty advisor Valerie Monroe. You can catch quite a few things.

First, are you sure your waxer is changing the wax between each client, and changing the paper on the table? If not, run. Because if not, you could be exposed to group A strep, staph, human papillomavirus, and herpes. You're even more vulnerable to cross-contamination during the procedure because waxing "induces areas of microtrauma to the skin." Great.

Thomas Beatie, "the Pregnant Man", on Oprah...Today!

Oprah's New Diet May Induce Diarrhea, Headaches and Time Travel

E! Names Another Obscure Woman as the Hottest in the World

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:35:00 GMT

And, what the hell, you won't have heard of their #2 choice either...

Lingerie model Karolina Kurkova has been voted the world's sexiest woman by E! entertainment television, beating sultry actresses Angelina Jolie and Scarlett Johansson for the honor.
Czech Kurkova, ranked by Forbes magazine as one of the world's highest paid models, was dubbed by E! as "she of the mysterious belly button" due to media speculation about what appears to be an unusually smooth navel.

Of course, if you're a devoted reader of Scanner, you may have actually heard of this woman before. Remember this, from back in June?

Does this woman look "fat" to you? Well, according to one Brazillian newspaper, the #6 highest-paid supermodel in the world isn't ready for the runway, and other outrageous statements for which "WTF?" seems too polite a reply.
According to several sources, none of which named the "local paper" in Brazil that made the alleged comments about Karolina Kurkova during Sao Paolo Fashion Week, the Victoria's Secret hottie, who made $5 million last year, was derided for having
back fat, love handles, and cellulite.

Sympathy vote? Or just a random asshole who thought he'd get himself some free publicity from attacking the (future) hottest woman in the world? Either way, we don't care.

The #2? Leo DiCaprio's old flame Bar Rafaeli:

Super-Thin Supermodel Attacked For Being "Fat?"

Yes, We'd Like A Lifetime Supply of Pronto Condoms, Please

64-Year-Old Woman's Nude Picture Sells For 10,000 Euros

Top 10 Bond Girls Of All-Time

Hot or Not? Cindy Crawford at 42

Top 5 Celebrities Who May Or May Not Be Attractive: Part One

What's It Like Having Strangers Eat Off Your Naked Body?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 19:10:00 GMT

Melanie Berliet, a former Wall Street stock trader, wrote a piece for this month's Vanity Fair about her one-off role as a naked sushi model.

Strangely, she doesn't worry about rank fish, groping hands, or ending up in some bizarre Requiem For A Dream party scene outtake; rather, her worry has to do with a part of her body most men never notice. (Hint: ladies, men don't care about your shoes.)

From Melanie's own mouth, following her experience on the New York naked sushi circuit:

I glanced at my feet and saw that I needed a pedicure. Badly. People were about to be eating off me and I hadn’t done them the courtesy of getting my toes done.

With a series of frenzied hand motions, she directed me to strip, tape the shells to my nipples, then secure the thong to my sides and butt. There was no time to be bashful, and I quickly grasped that my body was not my own for the next few hours. It was a commodity I’d loaned to Koko. I wondered if this was how strippers feel. Detached. Robotic. At work.

Yep. That's pretty much how strippers feel... except you forgot the occasional bonus feeling: "sticky."

The next moments proved to be intensely erotic, oddly enough, as Koko flittted daintily around the table, decorating me with scarves, bright pink flowers, and the fans that would serve as trays for the sushi, sashimi, and shumai. Never before had I felt like a piece of art.
As the men got drunker, their timidity vanished. Chopsticks flashed above me as they navigated the buffet, taking their dinner from my curves and crevices. Through it all, Koko sped gracefully in and out of the room to replace the small trays of fish.

For an hour and a half I laid there, while the men surrounding me drank and ate and stared, and sometimes poked at my bare body.

90 minutes? To eat sushi? Man, these guys are really lame... at least they gave her $150 in tips so, as she puts it, she can get the extra therapy she will most certainly need...

Read her full story here. Image and story via Vanity Fair.

Related:

10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

Who Would You Rather? Rachelle Leah vs. Stacey Dash Playboy...

Thing #7,859 Not To F*ck: A Metal Rod

Kanye West's Naked Party Might Have Been About a New Album...

Groupie Shocked To Find Out Pop Music Douche Used Her For Her Body

McCain Was "Tasty" and "Good Kissing" According to His Brazilian Lover

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 20:28:00 GMT

Apparently John McCain was quite the ladies man back in the day. Maria Gracinda Teixeira de Jesus, 77 (she's a leetle bit younger in the photo), former Brazilian beauty queen and dancer, had a brief fling with Mac in 1957 and according to Maria, there are some--very graphic!--things the body never forgets...

According to the Daily News:

"He was a lovely person and loved to go out with me. I called him 'John' but he was my dear and my coconut dessert."

"He was such a good kisser that I had to purchase a book which taught me how to kiss to keep up with him."

Asked about John in bed, Gracinda says, "Of course we had sex...he was not only good at kissing but good at everything."

So McCain was a great kisser according to the woman who needed a book to know how to tongue wrestle. Uh. Ew and please let our next President not have slept with a woman who called him her coconut dessert.

Secrets of Synchronized Swimming

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:46:00 GMT

Since we can't get super hot Brazilian synchronized swimmers Bia and Bianca Feres out of our heads--that their photo is on our desktop probably doesn't help--we're going to share this list of secrets of synchronized swimming with you.

It seems synchronized swimming is not as fruity as it looks. Actually it's quite difficult. As you read, keep in mind, Bia and Bianca do all of these things.

Examples include:

Synchronized swimmers can hold their breath underwater for 3 minutes.

They put Jello in their hair: Swimmers buy a package of regular Knox (a.k.a. unflavored Jello), mix it with water and then brush it on their hair before competition...The paste keeps the hair stiff and in place throughout competition. A shower in really hot water is the only way to break loose.

In synchronized swimming the athletes can follow along with the music because of underwater speakers.

These are all very interesting secrets, unfortunately none of them will help us land a synchronized swimmer. We are holding out for that list.