Scanner : britain

New Bra Makes Your Boobs Look Bigger When You’re Turned On

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 May 2009 14:34:00 GMT

A new bra being sold overseas claims that, thanks to memory foam and natural sweat, it can boost your bosom when you're getting in the mood.

As if you needed another reason for men to stare at your breasts...

The bra, being sold this summer in the range of 25 English pounds, is the work of the Lisca lingerie company, out of Slovenia. (They're apparently the largest manufacturer in Eastern Europe and once used Donald Trump's latest wife as their spokesmodel-- if that helps you decide.)

The magic bra detects changes in body temperature brought on by sexual arousement and squeezes boobs together to create a bigger cleavage.

They are also able to automatically adapt to different temperatures to provide women with the perfect fit no matter how nippy it gets.

Special expanding foam in the cups will loosen or tighten to adapt to the size of the wearer’s breasts as they get hotter.

“It’s healthier than an ordinary bra because it will always provide the perfect fit,” said a company spokesman.

While we find it hard to believe women will see the need to accentuate their cleavage at specific intervals, the comfort factor has got to be pretty high with these things, no?

Via the Sun.

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This Week in Gayness: McDonald's Hates Gays... Again

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 18:45:00 GMT

Wal-Mart CEO Mike Duke just gave us another reason to hate his awful company-- he signed a petition to ban gay adoptions in Arkansas.

A gay porn star attending college has received a reported 150 hate e-mails from so-called "good Christians."

Bigots like Rick Warren and Sarah Palin are among Time's 100 Most Influential People.

Moron Republican Congressman Steve King thinks gays wouldn't get "bashed" so much if they just stopped acting so gay (never mind that many hate crime victims are straight people mistaken for homosexuals.) Jon Stewart, thankfully, had something to say about this.

Kudos to Britain for banning hatemonger and violence-inciting shout machine Michael Savage from entering their country ever again.

A McDonald's in Kentucky settled with two patrons who were called "faggots" by restaurant staff.

By the way, we heard that the Democratic Governor of New Hampshire might veto the gay marriage bill. Anyone else heard this?

The most trusted Mom(s) in America? Portia and Ellen:

With 31%, Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi took the top spot. Rounding out the list were Jennifer Aniston (22%), Rachel Ray (20%), Angelina and Brad (18%) and coming in last was Oprah Winfrey with 9%. [Strollerderby]

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Joss Stone Had An Ass Slip At Coachella

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 15:08:00 GMT

Joss Stone, the 22-year-old British soul singer, was added to the lineup of the Coachella just four days prior to her Saturday afternoon performance.

Perhaps she's now regretting not having had enough time to pick out an appropriate outfit for an outdoor peformance on an elevated stage...

This is why it's important to have security turn around once in a while and see what's going on onstage, if only for the performer's sake. As you can see, this is becoming a problem...

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Mother-Daughter Clones To Sign Porn Contract Any Day Now...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 15:25:00 GMT

The first thing you'll notice about this article is that there is no mention of a husband/father figure in the lives of these two women.

The women in question are Janet and Jane Cunliffe, a mother and daughter pair that look almost nothing alike, even after mom spent 10,000 English pounds on plastic surgery to, as she requested, look more like her child. Why would anyone do that?

The questions that remain with us after viewing this disturbing photo:

1) Isn't it obvious to everyone around them that Mom is desperately trying to be like her daughter (and failing?)

2) What kind of person puts their daughter through this photo shoot for a major publication like the Daily Mail?

3) Which one's the daughter?

'It might sound barmy that I had cosmetic surgery to look like my daughter, but she's gorgeous. Who wouldn't want to look like her?

'The way I see it is that she got her looks from me in the first place - mine have just faded with age.

'Seeing how attractive Jane is made me want to get my looks back. Now instead of mum and daughter we look more like twins. I had good genes and good skin, but I needed a helping hand to make me feel better about myself.'

Certainly Janet wasn't always such a head-turner. Just a few years ago, she was a size 14 redhead and felt, she says, dowdy and unattractive.

Not, she insists, that she was ever vain. [Oh, definitely not now, that's for sure. - Ed.] 'I didn't have time for vanity in my 20s as I was too busy bringing up Jane and her brother, Pete,' she says.

Commenters on various blogs had their own concerns:

I imagine the husband is royally creeped out.

I imagine he is no longer the husband.

-I wonder what it would have cost her to look like someone attractive.

-daughter responds by spending twice that much on psychiatric sessions

-How is this news? These women are EVERYWHERE in Texas.

Via the Daily Mail.

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B-List British Celebrities Finally Realizing Fake Boobs Won't Help Anything

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:31:00 GMT

The Sun and The Daily Mail are competing today, as always, over who has the better stor(ies) about Grade-Z reality show stars with breast implants.

One thing everyone seems to agree on is that the tide has turned against gigantic boobs on the isle across the pond...

We reported earlier on B-list model Kerry Katona having her implants removed for a charitable eBay auction. Now comes the story of Chantelle Houghton, a former contestant on Celebrity Big Brother (why she was considered a celebrity before the show, we're not entirely sure), broke out from the show when she underwent a makeover, divorce, and boob job all in a row. Now, she says, maybe that wasn't the world's greatest plan:

'They're just too big. Now I just want to hide them. I thought I wanted to go up to that size and I loved them at the time, but now I wish I'd never had them done.'
'I'm very bad at making decisions and I just change my mind really quickly, so I do regret it now. Looking back, I did it for the attention. I realise it was a cry for help.'
She now visits a physio twice a week for back pain caused by the heavy implants.
She has said: 'They're taking over my life.'

Meanwhile, singer Michelle Heaton skipped the boob job, but kept the makeover and divorce, and is now the darling of all British tabloids. Could this headlining story today-- which was about a simple photo shoot spoofing Cindy Crawford's recent Allure spread-- be a sign of things to come for Britain?

The former Liberty X singer - ever the publicity-lover - slipped into a midriff-baring cut-out swimsuit and energetically tore up a loaf of white bread in an effort to recreate the supermodel's latest photoshoot which appeared in Allure magazine last month.
Michelle is apparently enjoying a new burst of confidence after losing two stone on a strict no-carb diet and is eager to show off the results.

Before you get all excited that Britain is now into healthy body images, check out this ad series from fake-boobed Lucy Pinder. These have been playing again recently and are still sweeping the nation...

Via the Daily Mail: here and here.

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Sex Ed Class Enjoys Naked Man Parade

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 15:05:00 GMT

They'd never get away with this in America: one British high school is making headlines after a teacher showed her sex ed class a parade of naked men and asked them which body parts they wanted to focus on...

The dudes were parading around the school gymnasium for a live camera feed set up by Channel Four's The Sex Education Show, which aims to teach young people healthy attitudes about lovemaking-- you know, not that abstinence garbage. The cameras zoomed in on the body parts in question, examining their remarkable differences and proving no two people are alike, according to this local news story.

Even more incredibly, this was sanctioned by the school and the parents. (In America, they would bring back lynching specifically to deal with these people.) The students thought it helped show boys that not everyone is supermodel thin and there is nothing wrong with the un-Photoshopped body. Hear, hear.

Check out what Assistant head teacher Jo Postlethwaite has to say about the program:

"I think what this has given us is a starting point to revamp sex education. The students really benefited from people from outside the school coming in to talk to them about sex. It can be hard for both students and teachers to go from a teacher being your maths teacher to being your sex education teacher. Maybe it needs to be someone completely different."

We really have nothing more to say about this except "bravo." Meanwhile, Italy is in an uproar over a teacher who discussed genital piercings, bondage, and all that jazz during an off-topic rant about masturbation. This was during a sex ed class being taught to eleven-year-olds, which is apparently not acceptable over there.

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"Britain's Sexiest Teacher" In Hot Water After Steamy Photo Shoot

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 15:10:00 GMT

Natasha Gray, voted Britain's Sexiest Teacher in a phone survey following a television show seven years ago, is (finally) back in the news again for doing the only thing that could ever upset a British parent: not being able to live on a teacher's salary.

Apparently, some parents were worried about their children being taught by a woman who models in the near-nude... and here we thought Britain was more enlightened about the female form than their American counterparts...

Some kid who couldn't keep his or her mouth shut (who talks to their parents about what goes on at school anyway?) told his/her mom that Gray had lingerie photos up on iModel, a website for aspiring underwear champions. The woman wrote an anonymous letter to the school informing them of the photos, which she said was "disgusted" by the "inappropriate" spread.

"I assume the pupils have a good giggle about it but I find it rather crass."

Well, my dear, if teachers were banned from doing anything one single person finds offensive, the only thing they could do was sit absolutely still and keep their eyes closed. In other words, find something better do with your time, mom.

Meanwhile, "Tasha" has been told she will not be fired, but that the school hopes she knows that this will go down on her permanent record.

Via various English media sources and iModel.

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Is Our Children Learning About Internet Porn?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:21:00 GMT

The Sun, like the rest of us here in the world of serious journalism, has been unable to find anything interesting to talk about from this weekend's wire reports. So, instead, it decided to make up a crisis: "Internet Porn is Ruining Our Childrens' Futures, By God!"

Normally, we see this kind of idiotic rant on a daily basis and pass it by without even consciously registering that we've seen it. However, we're quite glad to have seen The Sun's disastrously funny take on the state of British teenagers... and we haven't even made it halfway yet...

A GENERATION of teens are growing up thinking they should behave like PORN STARS.

You gotta love the Sun for these opening lines. The combination of bold text and random ALL CAPS gives their leads the feel of a CRAZY-ASS New York City SUBWAY BUM POET'S handmade rant signs. ("WoRDSworth isn't worth SHIT. read ThiS!")

It leads to them having unsafe sex, boob jobs and Hollywood waxes. Girls as young as 14 and 15 are even stripping on webcams and sending pictures to boyfriends — who think writhing in front of a lens is the norm.

Oh, now they're called Hollywood waxes? Do you think-- I mean, really-- that girls are getting their pubic hair waxed because Jenna Haze gets it done? Right here, you know this Sun writer is just making this all up 10 minutes before her deadline.

Nearly nine out of ten youngsters aged 14 to 17 have seen porn and nearly one in five are viewing it more than once a week.

Look, Sun writer, I have a confession to make. When I was 14, I saw porn more than once a week. Every single guy I knew saw porn at least as much as I did-- it's called "stealing Playboy's from your uncle when he's drunk." And not one of the guys I knew ever got laid until they were at least 18. At least.

Sixty three per cent of teens surveyed say they do not discuss sex openly at home, while 77 per cent of those who watch porn say their parents are unaware they do it.

This may be the part that blows our minds the most. 77% of teens have been able to keep their porn addiction a secret? Meaning nearly a quarter of British parents are letting their kids get away with it? Wow... those are some cool parents.

You can read the rest of this nonsense here.

Funny Last Names Like Wang On The Rise

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 18:23:00 GMT

Here's a headline we can all appreciate: "Name shame causes Cock shrinkage but Wang is on the rise."

Normally, a story like that never tops its opening lines, but there are a few glorious quips in here...

A comparison of the 2008 population - using data from a variety of sources - with the first census in 1881 shows that the number of Cocks has shrunk by 75 per cent, while the number of people called Balls... has fallen by more than 50 per cent.

David Hey, author of Family Names and Family History, said that ridiculous names were often more harmless than they appeared. "'Bottom' names were from farms at the bottom of a valley. In the Middle Ages `daft' meant meek. It was a perfectly acceptable name."

So, wangs are on the rise, cocks are shrinking, and balls are hanging at the lower end. Makes sense, sorta.

From the comment section of the Australian, which becomes a word association game featuring places and names of the bathroom-humor variety:

-Being a Hater, I was always teased as a child. Moving to Australia meant I had to call myself Oswald instead of Ozzie for obvious reasons. People still wind me up a bit - but I think it's made me a stronger person.
-Heard of a guy named Bill Stinks, who got teased and laughed at all his young life until he learned in high school that he could change his name by deed poll once he turned 21 years of age. After another 8 years of humilation Bill turned up at the deed poll office right on opening to change his name. He is now called Robert.
-My Grandmother's surname was Winterbottom which got her the nickname 'Frosty Bum.' I'm glad I didn't inherit that surname.

Our parents had a friend called Becky Butts. Our first reaction upon learning this: "And we thought we hated high school."

-Were you aware that in the middle of the last century there were two law firms in Britain that were named respectively 'Glass, Cock and Balls" and "Phibbs and Lyes".

No, but we have retained their services from time to time.

-Try the place names in Britain: I once worked at Braintree, and I once drove past Crinkley Bottom on the way to Cockshoot.

Via the Australian.

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English High School The World's Most Sexually Dangerous

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 18:51:00 GMT

Headlands School in Bridlington, Yorkshire has the highest rate of teacher-student sexual encounters in, we're guessing, the first world.

On Friday, British police charged a staff member, which sounds wrong, with having sex with a teenage girl, bringing the grand total of arrests to...

FIVE.

Five teachers or staff members at Headlands High have been charged in less than three years. Here's a breakdown of how the endless scandals have all played out:

Three years ago, an art instructor by the name of Ian Blott (man, these stories can't be real, can they?) received a blot on his record and four years in prison for forcing himself on a teenage girl. The girl claimed that she was traumatized from the encounter and left with bulimia and other medical problems.

In 2007, Steven Edwards, until then a science teacher, was convicted of having sex with three students (their genders not identified here) and is now serving a five-year sentence. The abuse/relationships occurred over the course of four years, but only came to light after Blott's trial.

Even after two such cases in as many years, school officials did nothing to or were unable to stop the tidal wave: two more teachers were arrested last year. Terry Mann, a teacher, had sex with a student from another school and somehow managed to escape with a suspended sentence, possibly because he plead guilty and admitted everything immediately. One of his colleagues, a teacher's assistant, also received a slap on the wrist for carrying on a long-term relationship with a boy at school.

Again, the school did nothing to successfully control its staff.

The fifth case came to light last week, when Chris Reen, who works as a substitute or fill-in at the school (what, the janitors are getting in on this, too?), was arrested for seven sexual encounters with a girl throughout the end of 2008. Parents were understandably outraged, since the school is apparently on probation for failing to properly protect and educate its charges. This is about as solid a case for homeschooling as any...

By the way, according to this story, Reen is "a newlywed." Wow, way to bring shame to your family, dude.

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PETA Celebrates Mother's Day With Caged Pregnant Ladies

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 20:59:00 GMT

It was Mother's Day in the UK yesterday-- we guess Britain's Hallmark division couldn't wait any longer.

PETA hired or acquired a trio of pregnant ladies in London to do their dirty work... and by dirty work, we mean the literal kind. PETA asked the women to remain in a small cage for an undetermined length of time, their only movements to be crawling around on all fours. We're guessing it's not really harmful to the unborn to do this, although isn't it utterly freezing in the UK this week?

Jamie Oliver was also attacked last week for supporting "inhumane" pig farming in the UK. PETA stated: "The answer to saving pigs is not to buy British pork, it's to go vegetarian."

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eBay Removes Kerry Katona's Breast Implant

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 17:04:00 GMT

Kerry Katona did two things right: one, she went on MTV in the UK and had her 34-double-G's removed. Those fake boobs were ridiculous and very unattractive (to our minds.)

The second thing she did was even more inspired-- she autographed one of those implants and put it on eBay for The Breast Cancer Campaign...

According to Fox News, which we will quote from here so you don't have to give them any of your page views, eBay then did the dumbest thing imaginable: it pulled the auction.

"The implant was on eBay and I believe the idea was to raise money for Breast Cancer Campaign," a rep for the charity told Tarts. "However eBay have now taken the item off because people were putting fake bids in, £8 million ($11.34 million US) at one point."

But according to eBay it wasn’t bogus bidders that resulted in the item being removed, it was actually Katona who broke the rules.

"Our policy team weighed in and said that this auction was removed for the Charity Violation contained within the item description as there was no letter of written consent by eBay's Office of the President to allow the item to be sold under our Charity guidelines," an eBay rep told Tarts.

Oh, shut up, eBay. You're just a bunch of conservative whimps that always side with the ripoff artists when they claim to have never received expensive items from honest sellers. And your conservative founder is running to further ruin the state of California as a Republican governor. eBay, you should know, we have negative feedback to give you.

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Captain Obvious Says Sex Can Save Your Marriage

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 16:26:00 GMT

We were rather disturbed by how many of you claimed to be in a sexless marriage after Scanner Emily's post yesterday.

Moreover, we were worried you all are going to end up miserable and/or divorced, if this survey conducted by a U.K. wedding site is to be believed...

3,000 Britons were queried about surviving a marriage, and those who have lasted ten or more years responded with these tips:

Having sex three times a week;

Kissing four times a day;

Cuddling thrice on a daily basis;

Sharing two hobbies, and;

Holding two romantic dinners a month.

Having sex three times a week doesn't seem totally unreasonable and neither does kissing four times a day. But how many chances are you really going to have to cuddle? (When you first wake up, on the couch after dinner, and before bed can work, in our view.) But Jesus, isn't it hard to find someone to fall in love with who is interesting enough to have two hobbies you also enjoy, has time for two romantic dinners per month after many years together, will remember to kiss you four times a day, and can arrange for three separate cuddles in a 24-hour span... not tomention sex every other night?

Not saying we're against it or that it's impossible, but now we're beginning to understand why so many marriages end in divorce.

CBC via Confetti.

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Whoops-- Maybe The Sex Patch Isn't The Greatest Thing Since Sex Itself...

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 23:30:00 GMT

Procter & Gamble's much-publicized Intrinsa sex patch was rejected by the Food & Drug Administration five years ago for several reasons.

The fact that a sexual device was not approved by the American government should come as no surprise, but perhaps the Brits should have taken note of the FDA's reasoning.

Intrinsa, a testosterone patch for postmenopausal women, is designed to combat sexual dysfunction and has been available in Europe for several years, according to Reuters. But until now, there was little sign of danger. Minor side effects had been reported and the most serious concern we'd heard is that Instrinsa was failing to provide any sort of positive effect-- sort of like your average Viagra knockoff available for $12 per 100mg's on the internet.

Recently, The Drug and Therapeutics Bulletin reported on these recent studies and found that "the long term safety of the treatment is unknown. Unwanted side effects are common and not always reversible. For all these reasons, we cannot recommend Intrinsa for use in women with sexual dysfunction."

Guess we're back to the drawing board on solving female sexual dysfunction... although the jury's still out on whether Cialis or Viagra are living up to their hype at the other end of the spectrum...

Photo via this link.

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While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Don't cancel your Mexican vacation, says the country's President... the shocking drug violence there will be all cleared up, you know, in 2012.

Brittany Snow will appear in a new spinoff of Gossip Girl, a popular educational program.

Another supermodel bites the dust... Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady were married in Santa Monica yesterday, after having denied the wedding rumors for months, even years.

Jake and Reese are rumored to be the next celebrity couple that will walk down the aisle.

Kate Nash is already one step ahead of them, although her fiancee is an unknown.

Just the latest in a long line of 45-year-old hotties to grace the nudie mag, Lisa Rinna will be the next one to pose for Playboy.

This unanimous Supreme Court ruling on religious monuments in public parks is extremely troublesome.

The woman in the car during Morgan Freeman's car accident claims he was drunk. Oh, and she's absolutely not his mistress. And one more: she's suing him for not denying the mistress thing.

Hero of the day? A mother ran into her daughter's rapist while he was out of jail on a weekend pass. He asked after her daughter, apparently in a gleeful manner, and so she followed him into a bar, poured a bottle of petrol all over him and... struck a match...

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While You Were Sleeping: More Grey's Anatomy Turmoil

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Audrina Partridge had her home broken into by two very bizarre young citizens. In surveillance footage, they can be seen wandering aimlessly from room to room... and back again... and again... without doing much of anything, let alone steal anything or set fire to the place.

Arrested Development: the Movie was finally greenlit, thanks to lazy-assed Michael Cera coming aboard.

This oh-so-adorable young lady was arrested for assaulting her boyfriend's nutsack. Prior to this incident, they had broken up "approximately 20 times," yet she seemed rather surprised to find that the dude had another ladyfriend over for the night.

We were all excited to hear Andy Richter would be rejoining Conan on TV, but it turns out he's just going to be the announcer. Guess Conan's enjoying his solo career.

Can a resident of the UK explain to us why so many Brits use "miles an hour" in their speech? Does it have something to do with the universal use of nautical miles? (Oh, and check out the video we just linked to. The 71-year-old dude quoted in it is our new personal hero.)

The Beatles recorded a version of "Revolution" that was only recently discovered and you really must hear it.

Is McDreamy really leaving the hospital on Grey's Anatomy?

And Maxim men of the world, rejoice: Megan Fox is single again. But before you get any ideas... guess which first name she has tattooed near her crotch? She wouldn't even have to deal with that pesky removal process if she just returned our calls...

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Penis, Penis, Peanuts

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 14:09:00 GMT

With some British accents, we often think we hear the word "penis" on a constant basis.

Basically, whenever a British broadcaster says "peon," "peanuts," or "tasty ballpark weiners," we could swear they said "penis." It turns out, we're right-- at least in this case. Watch a CNN reporter make our morning by saying the word twice in 27-seconds... and say it for real.

Yes, yes, we're immature little children, we know.

I Hate Myself For Loving You: Lily Allen

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 21:09:00 GMT

Lily Allen, I don't know your music. Lily Allen, I'm not even sure why you're famous-- I believe there were some hit singles a few years back and your most recent song is #1 in Britain right now. But #1 hits don't mean anything these days... you really need a good topless scandal... or a pregnancy... or a public spat with Elton John...

Okay, you've done all those things...

Your topless scandal was boring though, since you had died your hair a hideous blond tint. The fight with Elton John was in poor taste because you expressed your tacky love for cocaine. But all is forgiven, Lily Allen, because you have gone back to being incredibly hot.

Last night, Lilly performed at the Bowery Ballroom in New York City as part of one of those fake "secret shows" MySpace has been doing. (Remember MySpace? It was that thing that was hot that one time?) She wore a dress that revealed so little, even this pervy photographer for Brooklyn Vegan couldn't get a crotch shot. And that's just another reason for us to love her all the more...

Via BrooklynVegan.

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Britain's Sexual Hazing Rituals Apparently News to Some People...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 15:17:00 GMT

The most shocking part of this story is that parents and administrators still find it "shocking" that hazings are happening all over campus...

According to the Sun, ahead of the curve on hot button issues like Craiglist sex and vicars with potatoes up their bungholes, breaks this incredible news story over the weekend:

Education chiefs were “horrified” as girls were snapped on their hands and knees using their mouths to roll condoms on bananas hanging from boys’ trousers.
The girls belong to the Newnham Nuns — a drinking society at the all-female Newnham College.

Stop right there. There are drinking societies... at college? Why... why did we not attend Newnham College?!

[S]naps, taken last year, show an undergraduate proudly holding jugs filled with his own VOMIT while two toffs are seen frolicking with midgets dressed as Oompa-Loompas from the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory film. [Emphasis added by the Sun.]
Other traditional booze society ceremonies include drinking a pint of water containing a live goldfish, downing gin and port filtered through a condom and staging a mass brawl.
Hospital consultant Adrian Boyle said: “In the last ten years the number of female students coming in extremely drunk and incapable has shot up. More are being assaulted too.”

Thank you, "hospital consultant" Boyle, for playing the part of Captain Obvious today. Then again, if parents are "shocked" that gals such as the one pictured above are involved in "drinking" and "playful hazing," maybe we needed to hear from you after all...

Via the Sun.

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Naked Man Takes Over the Tate

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 14:47:00 GMT

Have you ever noticed that museums host an assortment of paintings and photos of nude women, but hardly any of men?

These noble internet troublemakers noticed...

An image of a naked delivery driver from Newcastle has been projected onto the side of Tate Britain in a bid to break the taboo of showing the male form.

But the stunt is not the product of the art establishment, 25-year-old Neill Richardson was dared to show off his body on a bragging website.

He sent in the picture - displaying his tattoos and behind - and it was (somehow) picked as the 'best' and projected 50ft tall onto the side of the famous art gallery. [Newslite]

While their intentions may not have been as heroic as some might suggest (they weren't out to "break the taboo" any more than they wanted to top a similar prank from 1999 that projected a naked Gail Porter onto the backside of Parliament), at least now people in the art world are discussing that controversial subject: the nude male form and the unspoken conservative suppression of it.

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Amy Winehouse, Topless Again, Stars in Her Most Bizarre Adventure Yet

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 18:50:00 GMT

You'll never guess in a million years what tattoo-covered topless Amy Winehouse is looking at-- and don't say that woman's gigantic bosom...

Amy Winehouse, who flies back to her burglarized home in England today to try to salvage her marriage to Blake Fielder-Civil, spent her last hours in St. Lucia not doing drugs, not stealing drinks from the hands of tourists, not even falling over some frat douche on the beach.

She was playing Scrabble.

Winehouse told the Sun:

But perhaps the recovering junkie’s strangest move is her new love for Scrabble.
"I am trying to think of something clever. No, I ain’t got the right letters for rehab."
Amy’s holiday wasn’t all good clean fun though – she’s regularly been seen drinking and openly smoking joints.
Two weeks ago The Sun printed pictures of Amy crawling up to holidaymakers on all fours and grabbing their drinks after hotel bar staff deemed her too wasted to serve.
She also put on a number of performances for guests in the lobby...

Scanner Emily, looks you'll now have an online Scrabble partner when Parker Brothers finally allows it to start up again...

Via the Sun.

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English Baroness is a Freaky Prankster

Colleen Kane — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 22:58:00 GMT

Hey everybody: cello scrotum doesn't exist! We know: you were worried there for a minute or several decades, when it first appeared in the British Medical Journal. That is, if you play the cello, and if you ever read that there was such a condition as "cello scrotum."

Dr. Elaine Murphy, now a Baroness, invented the condition after hearing of a dubious one called "guitar nipple." So how did the news come out, all these years later? Obviously no one had investigated the matter at the time of its original submission to the journal.

The prankster and her husband John (who originally signed their letter to the journal), decided to come forward with the truth after cello scrotum was mentioned in the December issue of the journal.

Guitar nipple turned out to be a hoax as well. Read the confession letter here.

Baroness Elaine Murphy sounds kind of fun.

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While You Were Sleeping: Getting Dumped On Facebook

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 14:20:00 GMT

"Sexting" is so popular even the backwards-ass morons at the New York Post are becoming aware of it.

The Republicans are planning to use Obama's plans to close Guantanamo Bay against him, maybe even as their lead line of attack.

And your worst nightmare is about to come true: Absolutely Fabulous is being remade as an American show.

The Silver Jews broke up. And apparently, David Berman's Dad is a psycho.

30 Rock and Kate Winslet('s cleavage) continue to collect the top awards. By the way, aside from 30 Rock, it's difficult to agree with any of the Screen Actors Guild choices, at least not the ones listed here.

Meanwhile, Slumdog Millionaire is doing very well in wide release, including in places like Butte, MT and Columbia, SC.

This is an incredible and surprisingly touching story of a Nigerian Facebook scam.

And speaking of Facebook, Prince Harry's five-year relationship has ended. The Royal found out himself only after seeing it in his Facebook News feed. Ow.

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All Aboard the Atheism Bus

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 20:34:00 GMT

The biggest story in Britain right now is the "Atheism Bus" campaign, which involves the rental of 800 billboard-size spaces on the sides of London's double deckers. The backers raised more than $200,000, most of it in just four days, and are now moving in to subway advertising, which we were lucky enough to get a full preview of.

“I think it’s dreadful,” said Sandra Lafaire, 76, a tourist from Los Angeles, who said she believed in God and still enjoyed her life, thank you very much. “Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I don’t like it in my face.” But Sarah Hall, 28, a visitor from Australia, said she was happy to see such a robust example of freedom of speech. “Whatever floats your boat,” she said. [NY Times]

(Of course, Lafaire wasn't asked if she minded having the other, pro-Christianity signs in her face.)

That's the bus ad, obviously. Here are three of the four or five subway posters that are about to launch:

Meanwhile, activists all over the world have taken up the call and people in other countries should expect to see atheist messages on public transit as early as Monday. Meanwhile, claiming the ads "discriminate" against religious people (again, that didn't stop them from running pro-religious ads), a Tasmanian transportation company withdrew plans to allow for a similar campaign, and is now facing a lawsuit to reverse that decision.

Australian partners, unsurprisingly, also face tremendous public opposition to their plan:

They hoped to put adverts on the back of buses with slogans stating "atheism – celebrate reason" or "atheism - sleep in on Sunday mornings".
But the proposed campaign was rejected by APN Outdoor, the country's biggest outdoor advertising company.
David Nicholls, president of the Atheist Foundation of Australia, said: "I am flabbergasted. This is extremely disappointing and a severe blow to freedom of expression in Australia. [Telegraph]

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If The Casting Director Asks You To Remove Your Clothes, It May Be A Porn Audition

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 18:23:00 GMT

Or, in the case of these three women in the UK, if the casting director plays you a video of people having hardcore sex you're either a) auditioning for a porno or b) auditioning for a porno and should take off running before you get jumped...

Equity claims to have received numerous complaints about a production company that calls women in for an audition, ostensibly for a new comedy series with risque humor, then makes them watch pornos and asks them if they "don't mind a little cock and balls in their faces." Umm... isn't this sexual harassment?

Or a bad episode of Casting Cough or First Time Porn Auditions? (You know, compared to the usual really bad episodes?)

One actress reacts: "I thought they were getting us to sign this in case we, as actors, felt uncomfortable seeing the guy's front while the camera saw his back. They had planted a seed in our minds that it was like Little Britain, which does have nudity. They sold it as risque comedy, but clean at heart."

And another: "In my mind, it was hardcore pornography. To say this is comedy is just ludicrous. This would not be aired on any terrestrial channel."

What are you talking about, this isn't comedy? Have you seen an episode of First Time Porn Auditions? That's the very definition of comedy, people...

Quotes via the Telegraph.

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More Nude Rugby Calendar Dudes For The Holidays

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 16:42:00 GMT

We'll always blog about nude rugby players and their calendars, particularly if the calendars are a charitable endeavor...

In an age when young starlets take their clothes off in a surefire attempt at jump-starting their careers, we should be ignoring them and pay more attention to people like the men of the Gloucester and Westbury-on-Severn rugby squads, both of which agreed to pose for arty black-and-white pinup shots, with no monetary or career-boosting awards whatsoever.

Check out the two photos that have been sent out to the press. The first is of a Gloucester team member named Andy Hazell (any relation to Keeley?); the second, butt shots of the Westbury boys:

We have no idea where one might be able to purchase these calendars, so if you have that info, please pass it along and we'll share it here.

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And The Bad Sex in Fiction Winners Are...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 15:18:00 GMT

The British know their sex... which is why they're also qualified to judge the 2008 Bad Sex in Fiction Awards. And this ain't "bad sex" that appears "in fiction." It's bad sex writing from some of the great novels of the year, including John Updike's Witches of Eastwick sequel...

Updike takes the year's Lifetime Achievement Award, while the year's top honoree is Rachel Johnson, sister of London Mayor Boris (what's up with these conservatives, like Bill O'Reilly and Scooter Libby, not knowing how to write sex? Wait, nevermind, we know the answer.)

Based on a cursory search of these books for sex scenes, we found this one from Updike's latest:

She said nothing then, her lovely mouth otherwise engaged, until he came, all over her face. She had gagged, and moved him outside her lips, rubbing his spurting glans across her cheeks and chin. God, she was antique, but here they were. Her face gleamed with his jism in the spotty light of the motel room, there on the far end of East Beach, within sound of the sea.

In a Guardian interview, Johnson is a good sport, while the article's author points out some passages that might have caught the committee's attention:

Johnson was singled out for her novel's slew of animal metaphors, including comparing her male protagonist's "light fingers" to "a moth caught inside a lampshade", and his tongue to "a cat lapping up a dish of cream so as not to miss a single drop". Literary Review deputy editor Tom Fleming was also disturbed by the heroine's "grab, to put him, now angrily slapping against both our bellies, inside".

Just for laughs, here's the 2007 winner, by our good buddy, now deceased, Norman Mailer:

'Are you alright?' she cried out as he lay beside her, his breath going in and out with a rasp that sounded as terrible as the last winds of their lost children.
'All right. Yes. No,' he said. Then she was on him. She did not know if this would resuscitate him or end him, but the same spite, sharp as a needle, that had come to her after Fanni's death was in her again. Fanni had told her once what to do. So Klara turned head to foot, and put her most unmentionable part down on his hard-breathing nose and mouth, and took his old battering ram into her lips. Uncle was now as soft as a coil of excrement. She sucked on him nonetheless with an avidity that could come only from the Evil One - that she knew. From there, the impulse had come. So now they both had their heads at the wrong end, and the Evil One was there. He had never been so close before.
The Hound began to come to life. Right in her mouth. it surprised her. Alois had been so limp. But now he was a man again! His mouth lathered with her sap, he turned around and embraced her face with all the passion of his own lips and face, ready at last to grind into her with the Hound, drive it into her piety.

It's enough to turn you off having sex, let alone just reading about it.

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British Airways Invites You To Join The Mile High Club

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 14:45:00 GMT

If this very angry wife is to be believed in her anonymous column in the Times, British Airways invited her husband and a total stranger to have sex in the first class section instead of, well, in the toilets.

It gets better...

In Part 1 of what we assume to be a three or four-part diary, a woman relates the story of how her husband started his affair by having sex with, as the wife puts it, "a 27-year-old blond." They met in coach, but were bumped when their loud conversation began to disturb the other passengers. (Oh, great, now everyone who reads this article is going to start shouting on an airplane just to get bumped to First Class.) It was there that they proceeded to have sex-- what, there was no one in First Class trying to sleep? Geez...

(If BA is the “World's Favourite Airline” then that flight must be the World's Most Misguidedly Accommodating.)

Anyway, oddly enough, the wife spends the rest of her diary attacking the woman in the slyest and most pathetic ways possible. The below lines are from her story of what happened after her husband gave the woman only his first name and the company he worked for:

So began an infatuated and obsessive affair that lasted several months and bloody nearly broke us before she was cast into the ether.
I also blame her because she turned out to be Miss Bunny Boiler, who was on a mission to get him, marry him and have his babies, whatever the cost. But I also blame Google. In the days before Google, sexwith a stranger on a plane could have gone no farther. A mere first name and an occupation would not have been enough even for the most determined Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction...

Wow... she just compared a harmless woman who fell for her husband to a fictional psychopath who boiled a little girl's rabbit alive and attempted to murder human beings. That seems fair.

It would have been a better thing if she had resisted the erotic charge of Googling my husband and left herself free to go off doing what she did best, namely whoring with other fantasists just panting to become members of the Mile High Club with a slut.

Why is the Times publishing this vindictive garbage? Clearly, this is one diary that should have been left locked up. However, if you'd like to read more of her diary, which includes virtually no attacks on the husband, click here.

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One Frighteningly Bigoted British Chaplin Coming Right Up

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 21:00:00 GMT

This fat, red face belongs to British Rev Peter Mullen. Earlier this month, we learned that Rev Mullen is not so much in favor of the gays. In fact, he has some new and interesting ideas about how to discriminate against them:

As Mullen wrote on his blog:

"Let us make it obligatory for homosexuals to have their backsides tattooed with the slogan SODOMY CAN SERIOUSLY DAMAGE YOUR HEALTH and their chins with FELLATIO KILLS."

Ah. How clever. But why bother with tattoos? Just have them wear a patch with a penis on it around on their jackets and force them to register with the government. You crazy asshole.

Rev Mullen has since issued a sort of apology claiming some of his closest friends are gay and really he has no problem with homos but wishes they'd stop "promoting homosexuality," because, really, it's just kind of gross. We'd like to ask Mullen to do us the same courtesy and stop promoting himself and his shitty ideas, because, like, ew.

Transgender Rambo Goes On Rampage of Racism, Arson, and Harmless Fun

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 19:50:00 GMT

It's not nice to laugh at people who have mental problems, so we won't.

We'll just tell you what this nutty Brit did to earn herself a minimum three years in prison before even be "considered for parole..."

1) Joanne Spencer, who is reportedly a "gender reassignment patient," tried to burn down her apartment building after fighting with a neighbor.

2) Spencer answered the door when the police arrived "wearing combat gear and a gas mask and told police she would not come out and was wearing the mask so she would be killed by the flames rather than fumes."

3) Firefighters had to taser her to get her to leave.

4) When she returned to her apartment to pick up some of her things, she got spooked (the story isn't very clear here) and jumped into a taxi. She made racist remarks and threatened to go "Rambo" on the taxi driver with her hunting knife if he didn't drive her away, all while swinging the knife at his head.

5) She was taken down via "stun gun" this time.

The judge acknowledged Spencer's rough life but seemed completely oblivious to the fact that this person should be in a mental institution, not a prison. He sentenced her

indefinitely for public protection, and said it would be a minimum of three years before she would be considered for parole. [Yorkshire Evening Post]

What do you think? Was this deserved or do you have a better idea?

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