Scanner : buffy the vampire slayer

Yet Another Vampire TV Show

Emily Farris — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 20:41:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: It seems inevitable that after the supernova success of Twilight, we would be inundated with an endless stream of vampire shows. Do we have room for one more? Maybe if it's based on erotica...

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Wannabe Vampires Are Totally Pissing Off Real Vampires

Emily Farris — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 19:29:00 GMT

Vampires are all the rage these days. With the popularity of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series, HBO's True Blood and the Sweedish vampire movie Let the Right One In, kids everywhere are appropriating vampire culture. No big deal, right? Well, it's no big deal unless you're a real vampire. And in that case, this fake vampire business is some bullshit.

Peter Rugg, from Kansas City's alt weekly, The Pitch, sat down with a few Midwestern vampires and learned that people who consider themselves real vampires actually drink blood (O negative "tastes like a dessert wine!"), that the consumption of blood is better when it's an erotic experience, and that these kids in their Hot Topic trench coats R DOIN IT RONG.

"A lot of people think they're vampires now," Sylvere says.

"I will say, though, reading those books True Blood is based on, they did their research," Lisa allows. "They even got the flavors of the blood types right."

"There are flavors?" I ask.

Lisa begins. "They got it right that the best one is ... "

"O negative!" they yell out in unison.

"Why is that good?"

"It's hard to describe," Lisa says. "It's sweet. It's like a dessert wine."

"How about AB positive?" I ask, curious if my own blood type — I'm the universal recipient — is any good. Lisa's smile freezes, and she rolls her head from side to side as if searching for a polite way to tell me that I'm unpalatable.

Sylvere scoffs. "Tastes great, less filling."

Most also describe the process in erotic terms. "It doesn't have to be sexual," Sylvere explains. "But it helps if it is, because then you're producing a lot more energy." Sylvere's needs are met more simply. She says she sups bits of energy here and there. For a truly satisfying feed, she requires that they be creative people willing to let her hover above them awhile. Writers and artists are good. Musicians are best....

Though they call themselves vampires, not all drink blood. They tell me that there are different classifications of people who genuinely believe they need more than food. The most common are psi-vampires, such as Sylvere, who say they drink in the energy from surrounding people and willing donors. Then there are the real blood drinkers, called sanguinarians. As they explain blood classifications to me, I wonder if their way of life would sound more acceptable if they presented it as a fetish rather than a health issue.

And just as there are people who are convinced they are vampires, there are people who are convinced, that they, like Buffy, are vampire slayers. This obviously creates some tension in the online vampire communities. While they use online threats in lieu of garlic and kung-fu, according to one Kansas City vampire, "Those people have problems. I don't even want to deal with that."

As for all those kids in their trench coats and plastic fangs? Lisa, a 21-year-old vampire is worried about them:

"I worry about them. They all have this romantic notion of what it's like. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't give it up for the world — it's who I am — but it's not all candlelit graveyard dances. If I don't feed, it doesn't kill me, but I feel constantly fatigued. Several times, I've slept for 12 hours without feeling rested. Not all of us are as nice as I am, and I worry that others could be taken advantage of — if not by one of our less reputable members, by a more human kind of predator using the persona to his advantage. Even excluding that, the number of blood-borne diseases is staggering. Would they think of having donors provide medical proof of health? Would they sanitize their knives? Would they remember that blood is precious? I don't know."

While we still don't crave anything beyond a bloody Mary, we are now more inclined to finally bust out the first season of Buffy The Vampire Slayer that a friend gave us. We know, we know. That's totally DOIN IT RONG.

[The Pitch: True True Blood]

Related:

True Blood's Anna Paquin In First (True) Nude Scene

Comic Book Buffy Gives Body, if Not Heart, to Fellow Slayer. LADY Slayer.

Accused Murderer Is Italy's Woman of the Year

The History of Sex on Television

Scanner Matt — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 15:16:00 GMT

From the first married couple to share a bed to the first lesbian sex scene, here is a history of network television's groundbreaking moments:

First Married Couple in Bed Together
Mary Kay and Johnny
November 18 1947
Dumont Network

First Interracial Kiss
Star Trek
November 22, 1968
NBC

First Female Nudity
Steambath
May 3, 1973
PBS

First Condom Commercial
Trojan condoms
1975
KNTV-TV (ABC affiliate)

First Scene With A Condom
Cagney & Lacey
1986
CBS

First Gay Male Sex
thirtysomething
November 7, 1989
ABC

First Gay Male Kiss
Dawson's Creek
May 24, 2000
WB

First Lesbian Sex Scene
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
May 6, 2003
UPN

First Daytime Gay Male Kiss
August 17, 2007
First Daytime Gay Male Sex
As the World Turns
January 12, 2009
CBS

Compiled from Lapham's Quarterly (Eros Vol. II No. I Winter 2009) and The Daily Beast

Pope Makes Insane Gay Metaphor

Best Naked Music Video of the Year

Graydon Carter Won't Say the M Word

Tina Fey Tells Everyone to 'Suck it' at the Golden Globes

Sexist Sex and the City Ripoff... With A Terrible Twist

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 17:32:00 GMT

Robert Altman's The Player opens with a send-up of Hollywood pitch meetings, including one where Buck Henry pitches a sequel to The Graduate, almost a quarter century later. The joke pitches are cringe-inducing in a humorous way, but you had to say to yourself, "This is probably nothing compared to how bad the real movie and TV ideas are that people are trying to sell."

Case in point: this bizarre new TV series being developed, according to the Hollywood Reporter, by who else but the Fox Network...

Check out the Reporter's description of the show:

Talk about a hairy "Sex and the City."

The Fox network is developing "Bitches," a dramedy about a quartet of female friends in New York who are werewolves. [Oh, so not only does it, in a way, rip off Buffy The Vampire Slayer, it also demeans and insults women! And, of course, it's a Fox production...]
The project, which has received a script plus penalty commitment from the network, hails from feature writer Michael Dougherty and Warner Bros. TV. [T]he project... [is] described as a quirky urban fairy tale...

"Bitches" continues the werewolf theme from Dougherty's recent horror flick "Trick 'r Treat." [And we all remember how sensationally entertaining and intelligent that feature was, right? If we remember it at all, that is...]
2009 is shaping up to be a big year for werewolves with the release of the Benicio del Toro-starring remake of "The Wolfman" and the "Twilight" sequel "New Moon." [Wonderful-- now they've sucked Benicio into their remake machine of doom?!]
WMA-repped Dougherty's writing credits also include "Superman Returns" and "X2: X-Men United." [No comment.]

Image via.

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Swedish Boarding School Initiates Sex Games For New Students

Filmmaker Skips the Glass Eye, Goes Straight for the Webcam

Eliza Dushku Set For Fame Thanks To This Sex Scene

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 19:10:00 GMT

Nobel Son, an indie favorite from last year's Tribeca Film Festival, finally gets released today in a few theaters throughout the country. And although it stars Alan Rickman, Danny Devito, Mary Steenburgen (a personal favorite of ours), Ted Danson, and Bill Pullman, we doubt anything will make you want to see more than this sex scene teaser...

Eliza Dushku, who played Faith on Buffy and Angel and starred in Bring It On, is set to break out from the B-list pack with this art film... and an Ali Larter/Sophie Monk-style nude surprise. Since it's a teaser, we don't get much more than side boob, but we don't need actual boobs to get turned on. Here we go...

This link will take you to a much higher quality clip, with more ass. Not bad... for an art film.

Related:

Top 5 Nude Scenes of 2008

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: The Top 5

Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes - the Sequel

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 20-11

Top 10 Bond Girls Of All-Time

Top 3 Reasons "Twilight" Isn't Cool…or Sexy... or Worth Your $10

Scanner Matt — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 22:13:00 GMT

1. Mormons
2. Abstinence
3. There’s a better vampire movie you should be watching

Reason #1: Never let devout religious people teach or describe sex to you. It’s like having George Bush explain his foreign policy (a bunch of cautionary bullshit and no results). Stephanie Meyer is a Mormon. Yes, those guys who helped spearhead the anti-gay “Yes on Prop 8” campaign… and by the way, who the hell are they to talk about marriage?

How Mormon is she?

Well, she did get her writing degree at Brigham Young University.

Reason #2: Abstinence is not the answer. Just ask Sarah Palin how well it works. And furthermore does it ever make for good entertainment? Meyer substitutes a teenage vampire boy’s horny desires for his thirst for blood in a thinly veiled metaphor that’s supposed to teach “us” (parents and their confused teens, of which we are neither, admittedly) about “our” carnal urges.

Reason #3: Nine times out of ten there’s always a better movie out there than the one you’re watching. Not that our readers are knocking down theater doors to get to this holiday blockbuster (which they keep urging us to refer to as “the next Harry Potter”), but if you are in the mood for an entertaining vampire movie try Let The Right One In, still in theaters. A super hip and smart Swedish film (also based on a novel, not written by a Mormon) that tells the dark and soulful story of a little kid vampire. And it’s rated R the way all vampire movies should be.

"The Real World: Facebook" or Scanner Emily vs. The Mormons

This Week In Gayness: Lesbians Under Attack

Male Mormon Missionaries Go Topless For The Hell Of It

While You Were Sleeping: Winona Ryder OD'd

Photo: NYT

Sloppy Seconds: No More Penis Pumps

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 20:21:00 GMT

The reason young women don't go to church anymore? Buffy the Vampire Slayer, of course.

Anna Faris gets tossed from the Playboy Mansion in "The House Bunny," opening today.

Check out this beyond insane story out of good ol' Mississippi:

A Jones County man admits to assaulting the pastor of an Ellisville Baptist Church.

Michael Clark is accusing pastor Steve Nixon of sending inappropriate text messages to his wife and other parishoners wives.

Wednesday, before bible study, Clark whipped the pastor with an air hose. He says he wanted to stop any communications before it got out of hand.

The same idiot who goofed on the sexuality of a Green Party candidate for Governor of Massachusetts is in trouble again after his wife filed six fake ratings surveys to help boost his numbers.

Who the hell is going to see this Tucker Max movie anyway?

Don't fly with your penis pump this weekend. Or ever again, if you're coming to or leaving the US.

If he's dating Rachel McAdams and she's dating Ryan Gosling, we're pretty sure there's no good reason to ever break up. Know what we mean?

And You Thought Only Lesbians Still Watched Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 22 May 2008 18:38:00 GMT

So, what do NPR correspondents in Baghdad do to unwind when they're not taking death-rides in Humvees and listening to bombs go off?

Watch Buffy, natch.

In this segment, NPR correspondent Jamie Tarabay talks about why she loved watching Buffy while reporting from Iraq. Hint: cute clothes were only part of the reason.

Sloppy Seconds: Who Says Homosexuality and Polygamy Are The Same Thing?

Emily Farris — Tue, 20 May 2008 22:01:00 GMT

We'll never think of Folsom Prison the same way again. [Fleshbot]

Ultra-Orthodox residents of Jerusalem have demanded a "Sex and the City" movie billboard be taken down because it contains the word "sex." Hm, "And the City," kind-of sounds like our life lately. [Defamer]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer has officially become college curriculum. Maybe it's finally time for us to start watching. [elPasoTimes]

Ted Kennedy's recent seizure was apparently caused by a brain tumor. So sad. [NYT]

Chocolate-covered bacon? We'll take 17, please. [Slog]

Giant carnivorous mice make us think of those scary rats from The Princess Bride, except scarier, because they're real. [Guardian]

Yeah, Ellen Degeneres should not get married because homosexuality is just like polygamy, according to a crazy woman who is "concerned for women" and, apparently, marriage. [Queerty]

This Week in Gayness: American Idol Is Queer

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 18:40:00 GMT

THIS WEEK IN GAYNESS

March 6, 2008:

The gay penguins book is back on elementary school bookshelves.

Soap opera fans are apparently so into gayness they'll raise a whole heap of stink when they don't see more of it.

"Do me a favor," coos Buffy the Vampire Slayer to her naked lover in a new comic, "Don't mention this to anyone." Scanner Bryan has more.

NASCAR is picking up some non-straight white male supporters, thanks in part to star driver Evan Darling. Seriously-- a gay man named Evan Darling? We didn't see his "coming out" coming, did we?

Great Britain is withdrawing three specific gay porn titles after questions were raised about the risks of unprotected sex. Jeez-- welcome to the 1980s, slowpokes.

Canada and the UK want to bump off homosexuals by deporting them to awful places like Iran, Malaysia, and Kansas City.

Canada is sure to welcome this tour: Cyndi Lauper, the B-52's and... Rosie O'Donnell?

Is America ready for a gay "American Idol"? Apparently, America has forgotten everything it never knew for sure about Clay Aiken.

As promised, the scary-ass video about the 2nd Amendment. It's by open-minded, Jesus-loving, open-armed, sweethearted gay bashers: