Scanner : butt sex

Sloppy Seconds: Scarlett Johansson on Plastic Surgery

Emily Farris — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 23:01:00 GMT

The Obamas finally got a puppy. It wasn't a shelter dog (grr) but it sure is cute. [Yahoo!]

Madonna is still trying to adopt a child from Malwai. [Us]

It's posssssible that a hacker was responsible for the #amazonfail. [Vulture]

Fergie would like a baby in her. Right now. [FameCrawler]

Butt implants can be a real pain in the ass if you're having butt sex. Apparently. [ClayCane]

Scarlett Johansson (well, probably her assistant) is as annoyed with the media's obsession with weight and plastic surgery as we are. [The Huffington Post]

Speaking of if you're Keeping up with the Kardashians, you probably know that one of them is having plastic surgery. [The Remote Island]

Scanner Highs And Lows: Nudie Shoot City

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 22:02:00 GMT

This week we welcomed Verena Von Pfetten to the Scanner fold, although this photo and caption has nothing to do with nudie shoots or this post.

There were a couple of nude photos, including rugby players and supermodels, but more memorably... there were animal sex photos!

HIGHS:

Scanner Nicole may have found the love of her life. A few readers will be fighting her for him, for sure.

We found some gay animals. Better yet-- we found pictures of gay animals fucking!

We took it from behind while playing Super Mario Bros.

A porn star solved the Catholic crisis.

A whole shitload of British tourists were busted after an oral sex contest went so, so right.

We fawned over the greatest pet story ever told.

Mischa Barton almost looked kind of hot (sort of) in her latest almost-nude attempt at relevance.

LOWS:

We dug some mispellings. Not just in our posts-- in tatoos!

Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel broke up. Should this one be in the "Highs?"

Officer Dick would fine Gisele Bundchen for her droopy pants. Although we're not going to stop her from taking these photos.

We found that 63% women have been unnecessarily groped on the subway. We would put "getting jizzed on" under "unnecessary" as well.

Sienna Miller stole a husband... and our hearts. Well, not really, she just kind of rubbed us the wrong way while going topless.

We were disappointed British lesbians did not pick Susan Sarandon as their "dream date." However, the winner is still pretty tantalizing at 62.

And the self-proclaimed "World's Greatest Dad" was arrested. Wanna guess what he's in for?

This Week in Gayness: McDonald's Makes Jesus Cry?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 17:23:00 GMT

Hatemonger and classic "Southern gentleman" Jesse Helms died at the age of 86. Meanwhile, a government worker actually retired rather than lower his office's flag to half-mast. Now, that's a gentleman.

Four teenagers are giving their LGBT Center a bad name after beating up a priest who tried to intervene in their fight.

In another setback to bigots in California, a conservative county that anti-marriage advocates had hoped would buck the State's new position agreed to hold gay marriage ceremonies after all...

An adult lesbian adoption was defeated after a residency issue was brought to light by the bitter, greedy family of Thomas Watson, who helped launch IBM Computers. How shameful.

Florida, which has been making a run lately for the title of Craziest State in the Nation, helped bring itself closer to reality this week by ignoring the "gay panic" plea of a drag queen's coldblooded murderer, sentencing him to life in prison. Don't worry, buddy, there's no chance of butt sex in prison.

The Religious Right, in the form of the so-called American Family Association, urged its members to boycott McDonald's restaurants nationwide after the chain so much as voiced support for National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. These are actual quotes from the right-wing group, believe it or not:

[T]he boycott "is not about hiring homosexuals ... It is not about homosexuals eating at McDonald's ... It is not about how homosexual employees are treated.
"It is about McDonald's, as a corporation, refusing to remain neutral in the culture wars. McDonald's has chosen not to remain neutral but to give the full weight of their corporation to promoting the homosexual agenda, including homosexual marriage," the site went on to say.

Read more at Gay.com. See also: "McDonald's Makes Jesus Cry" via Yahoo!

Brokeback Mountain, The Opera

Emily Farris — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 13:12:00 GMT

What's gayer than Brokeback Mountain? Why, Brokeback Mountain, the opera, that's what.

Charles Wuorinen — who adapted a Salman Rushdie novel for the New York City Opera in 2004 — will write an opera version of Annie Proulox's short story turned film for the Opera in 2013.

There better be some yodeling, that's all we have to say. Actually, we really love the music from the movie, so we hope it's incorporated somehow. But still, with yodeling. And butt sex? Can butt sex and yodeling be combined in the same scene? On stage? In New York? Because we will so buy over-priced tickets and put on clean clothes to see that shit.

But we imagine even the sex scenes will be handeled beautifully and we'll leave the Opera feeling all love-y and cultured, yet craving disco fries and a seedy Times' Square XXX shop.

[LA Times: 'Brokeback Mountain' to become an opera]