Scanner : buttsex

Russians Like Big Butts, You Can't Deny

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:53:00 GMT

Russians always gotta be different. Sometimes they even take things that Americans love, like binge drinking, and escalate them to absurd levels of worship.

Case in point-- the new sexting craze that is taking Russkies by storm doesn't involve pornographic images (necessarily.) They have, however, taken their love of gigantic backsides to a whole new level of devotion...

After one girl, under the handle VILena, posted the below photo on one of the country's premiere social networking sites, a major cultural trend was born overnight:

This is the photo, which came our way in this censored form, that sparked the following mania:

Wait, what the fuck?

We promise to continue to ~~get to the bottom~~ stay on top of this, now known as Vilena, and other emerging sexual trends.

The call it “to make Vilena-style photo” - Vilena that’s the name of the first girl. By the way, this name has a Soviet origin. After the Communists took over in 1917 and their leader Lenin was a national hero many Russian young parents called their boys and girls after him using his initials and second name. Lenin’s full name was “Vladimir Iliich Lenin” - so new boyish name appeared “VILen” and girlish one two: “VILena”. There were also such names like “Vladlen” or “Vladlena” after “Vladimir Lenin”. [English Russia]

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Fox News Enjoys Your Big Butt

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 16:36:00 GMT

Fox News in Phoenix had one of its poor, long-suffering female correspondents file a report on big butts and why they're absolutely wonderful for your health. Okay, this we gotta see...

"Right in the ol' badonk?" Dirty Diane, clearly you are obsessed. Also, apparently, big butts are what made Beyonce and J-Lo famous and there's no need to work out that much if your ass is gigantic. Thanks, Fox.

We'll never look at apples the same way.

Via MyFoxPhoenix.

Yahoo Thinks It Knows Why You Never Make It To That Second Date

Our Favorite Stripper Wants You To Be Patriotic, Drink PBR

Hot or Not: The Doodle Bra?

Someone Please Explain This Brum Thing To Us

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 13:34:00 GMT

A bra for your bum... ladies and gentlemen, but especially those who love a woman's butt, BlackBook introduces... the brum.

Traditionally considered an unattractive sign of sloppiness, plumber's butt is no longer a blue-collar syndrome, but naughty tease on par with the greatest sideboob. Anal cleavage has gained popularity this century with the rise of low-cut jeans (or should I say descent), the emergence of the whale tale, and most recently, posterior-revealing lingerie. Assless panties, if you will. Seven years ago, The Sun declared that "ass is the new tits," and this new breed of underwear finally proves them right.

Well, BlackBook, forgive us for bragging, but we've known "asses" were taking over boobs when we heard "Baby Got Back" had gone to #1 back in '92 or whenever that was. We still thank you for alerting us to agentprovocateur.com where one can purchase the above-pictured Cendrillion Cheeky Brief.

So gents, would you get turned on if your lady's pants shimmied down to reveal this? Ladies, how do you ass-sess this latest trend? Is it butt-ugly? (We'll stop, although we could've come up with some more.)

Via Blackbook.

Hmm... Seven Letter Word For "F'd in the A"...

Bryan Christian — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 21:02:00 GMT

Turns out the solution to the first section of this Washington Post Scrabble Gram is actually "subtext," but perhaps we can all be excused if, for a moment, we thought -- hoped! -- that the answer was something else?

[On the Red Line via BoingBoing]

Is President Bush Only The Second "Wickedest Man in the World" in His Bloodline?

Bryan Christian — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 20:35:00 GMT

We totally love conspiracy theories, and the best one we've run across recently on the Interwebs is this one: that former First Lady and current First Mom Barbara Bush is actually the spawn of the infamous British occultist and all around sex fiend Aleister Crowley, a.k.a. "The Great Beast," a.k.a. "The Wickedest Man in the World."

Barbara Bush was born Barbara Pierce, daughter of Pauline Pierce, but not daughter of Marvin Pierce. After Pauline's first two children, she traveled to Europe and spent several years with Frank [H]arris and Aleister Crowley. Though Pauline was married to Marvin Pierce, Marvin did not accompany her during her long stay with the Occultic, sexually explicit Aleister Crowley. [...] Pauline returned to America in early October of 1924. On June 8, 1925, she gave birth to a girl named Barbara. Barbara Pierce married George H.W. Bush, who eventually became the 41st President of the United States.

Normally we wouldn't bore you with these kinds of items -- we'd save them for our hundreds of handwritten diaries! -- but the chronology on this story at least holds up, and more importantly, it reads like a David Lynch adaptation of an Evelyn Waugh novel! Dig this passage:

Crowley's diaries for this period record the initials "PVN," a cryptic reference to his favorite sexual position, which some of his partners found distasteful. (The letters derive from the Latin for "By way of the Infernal Entrance.") This is a common annotation in the records of Crowley's magical practices. We also find the strange initials "ECL." After researching the matter for some time, I have come to the conclusion that this is a reference to the practice known as "Eroto-Comotose Lucidity."

An explanation as to how the President could be so evil and a new term for buttsex? Looks like that pagan holiday known as Christmas came early this year!