Scanner : candy

In the Likely Event the Easter Bunny Skips Your House...

Colleen Kane — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 15:46:00 GMT

If you're like us, the only aspect about Easter you might get enthused about is Cadbury Creme Eggs. They used to only appear at this time of year, although the Internet has changed that, but now the DIY-inclined can make their own monstrous Cadbury (-style) Creme Egg at any time. (Or you could just buy one and get your sugar blast that way, but if you like crafts that take way longer than is practical, here you go.)

Even if you have no intention of ever making your own creme egg, this project, "The Creme de la Creme Egg," is oddly satisfying to view on a voyeuristic level, just to watch the magic happen.

Related:

While You Were Peeping

Is It Politically Incorrect to Say "Happy Easter?"

Welcome to the Peep Show

Taste The Rainbow, Just Wash Your Hands First

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:54:00 GMT

As we mentioned in Sloppy Seconds Monday, in an effort to "embrace social media" Skittles relaunched their website as a Twitter feed—meaning every Tweet that mentions Skittles appears on their homepage. Obviously, this was either incredibly idiotic or an act of genius on the part of the Skittles marketing team, because no one is monitoring the feed, one only has to fill out an age waiver before entering the site. Scarmouch from Yes But No But Yes happened to log on to the Skittles homepage just in time to get the best screen shot/Tweet ever.

The picture juxtaposed with the Tweet is priceless.

In keeping with this theme, we will totally give a bearded man a handful of Skittles to dry hump us. (Dare we Tweet it?)

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Wanda Sykes Says "I Do"

Spirit Airlines Releases Sex Commercial, Pisses Everyone Off

The Mammary Game: Test Your "Boobie" Skills

Dr. Ruth Has Something Sweet for You This Valentine's Day

Emily Farris — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 18:24:00 GMT

The ever-adorable Dr. Ruth was on Today this morning to promote her newest book, "Top 10 Secrets for Great Sex." And for those of you not having sex, she has a few tips for you this Valentine's Day. The first is, of course, "read the book." The second?

"Go out and buy an ice cream cone. And practice on it."

Related:

What's Cuter than Old People Writing About Young Peoples' Sex Lives? Nothing!

This Thanksgiving, Just Shut Up and Be Thankful for Your Faithful Mate (Who You Probably Don't Really Have)

75-Year-Old Granny Shows Teenage Strippers What A Real Act Looks Like

Ruth Wallis, Queen of the Party Song, Dead at 87

[Image]

Protect Yourself From the Cold With Condom Ice Cream

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 21:49:00 GMT

Not ice cream-flavored condoms, which would be bizarre enough. No, condom ice cream.

Let's look at the photo evidence...

Yes, you'll need scissors, a razor blade, and/or the teeth of Jaws to get the damn ice cream out of this Korean treat. We have no further information at this time and in no way request it. Barf-o-rama.

From various sources, including Flickr.

The 15 Most Promiscuous Countries

ABC Calls Drunken Teenage Anal Sex "Love Making..."

Sloppy Seconds: The Grey's Anatomy Lesbian Controversy

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:31:00 GMT

We're wrapping up early today so we can stay glued to the TV. Check out our election thread here.

The Examiner examined the worst celebrity magazine covers of all time. Guess how many are David Duchovny photos?

Another naked prank went wrong.

How the hell did this end up in a kid's Halloween candy bag?

When their children returned from Halloween trick-or-treating, a couple found suspected methamphetamine and $85 in cash among their 7-year-old son's Snickers bars and Skittles. Lars and Shelly Brosdahl called police, who confirmed that the substance was methamphetamine, worth up to $200 on the street. [AP/Yahoo]

An enraged husband and his two brothers got a drunk and cut off his dick as revenge for a supposed sex act committed with the enraged man's wife.

A man who raped a horse got off easy. (No pun intended, please!)

Brooke Smith's role as Dr. Erica Hahn on Grey's Anatomy is over. Do you think it's discrimination? The argument didn't convince us either way.

And the Kate Winslet-Vanity Fair photos Scanner Emily posted yesterday are causing the predictable controvsery. Airbrushed? Photoshopped? Who cares?

Related:

Kate Winslet Takes it Off for Vanity Fair

Woman Kills Rapist With Shotgun Blast Through Her Front Door

While You Were Sleeping: The Naked Mannequin Orgy

Gisele Bundchen Finds Another Excuse To Take Off Her Clothes

20-Year-Old Teacher Strips For Her Students... On Video

And You Thought Bill Clinton Was A Sex-Crazed Politician...

Britney Spears Is (Almost) Not Completely Repulsive In Her New Video

Shirley Nagel: The Wicked Witch of Halloween

Emily Farris — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 14:51:00 GMT

Meet Shirley Nagel. She decided, that on Halloween, she would only hand out candy to children of parents who supported her choice for President.

Oh her door hung a sign that read, "No handouts for Obama supporters, liars, tricksters or kids of supporters."

When asked by a reporter about the kids that would leave empty handed and in tears she replied, "Oh well, everybody has a choice."

Well, Ms. Nagel, we listened to Rush Limbaugh when we were 13—that wasn't really a choice. And look how we turned out.

Watch the video of the scariest thing to happen to Halloween since Elisabeth Hasselbeck dressed up as Ronald Reagan here.

[MyFox Detroit: No Treats for Obama Supporters]

Related:

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Stumps for Sarah Palin, We Drink Heavily

Sloppy Seconds: Queen Latifah on Being Gay

While You Were Sleeping: Janet Jackson Hospitalized

Sloppy Seconds: And Just What Does Woody Allen Think Is So Unfunny?

Trick or Treat, Give Us Something Good to Eat

Emily Farris — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 21:17:00 GMT

If you could give us one piece of Halloween candy tonight, what would it be, and why?

And when we say "candy," we really mean candy, pervert.

[Image]

Today in Penis-Shaped Candy: Gummy Lighthouses

Emily Farris — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 15:22:00 GMT

Which got us thinking... penis flavored candy, good idea or bad?

[via Thrillist]

Scanner Highs And Lows: But If You Are In The Mood...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 22:02:00 GMT

...maybe your sex drive isn't as high as it should be. Maybe you're burnt out from fantasizing about lingerie models. Or maybe you've just been mauled by a crazed grizzly bear.

In any case, you need some refreshment...

Highs:

CNN solved that sex drive problem, ladies. Sort of.

The Daily Show's five sexiest clips turned us on, for sure.

Anne Hathaway, as viewed from the side, caused total computer hardware failure. From drooling on the keyboard.

At least she didn't pick herself: Naomi Campbell named the last true supermodel, and we have to agree with her on the sexiness factor.

Lows:

Snickers didn't bring on a bout of the chuckles.

Ashley Alexandra Durpe couldn't seem to keep it in her pants. We mean... never mind.

Viewed from a distance, Brad Pitt is a) just as sexy or b) a lousy father?

The man eating bears had nothing to do with sex, but they, um, scared the pants off us. Does that count?

The 9/11 thing... got us hot and bothered? Nice try, but not really... mainly just bothered.

There's a 17-year-old girl stripping in Iowa. 17: not acceptable. 18: here's a dollar for your humiliation.

If engaging in fellatio this weekend, take this girl's advice: "Do Not Swallow!"

Food We Want To Lick: Candidate Lollipops

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 16:48:00 GMT

Made by hand... sugar and syrup... a little artificial flavor is added...

Assembled into a large blob... dabbed with a bit of color... layered with very thin slices and sealed up...

This could be a very apt description for the candidates running for President in the United States of America, circa 2008. Fortunately for you and your taste buds, this is merely a description of the process by which voting and candidate lollipops are made by Kai's Candies...

Drool over them, we're not judgmental... including the goofy-looking Obama one...

Later in August they’ll have a set for John McCain that features a lollipop with his face plus red elephant candies.

We're not sure licking John McCain is an appealing idea, although if the candy is as delicious as the above lollipop looks, we might be able to close our eyes and enjoy. But what does it actually taste like, you must be wondering...

Kai’s Candy has a nice post on their blog that shows photos of the process.

In the case of Kai’s Candies, the background is a translucent candy instead of an opaque color, which adds to the appeal of these, like they’re enamel.
The flavor is light. The website says that Obama is lemon-lime, but at times it tastes like a sweet banana or simply boiled sugar. There’s absolutely no hint of tartness to it, or even any zest. I found that the individual pieces were similarly bland. (I found McCain bitter, but that’s probably the red food coloring.)

How ironic-- McCain is a red.

Via Candy Blog.

I Love You, Please Bleed Internally

Emily Farris — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 19:22:00 GMT

Scanner Brian told you we were done talking about Valentine's Day, but he obviously didn't realize the effect it would have on the Internets. And well, your insides. Scraps of metal were found in V-day suckers. Yeah, suck on that. Actually, don't. You might bleed to death.

If We'd Had a Valentine, He Would Have Given Us the Chocolate Scrabble Bar

Emily Farris — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 18:22:00 GMT

[Chocolate Scrabble]

Suck on This

Emily Farris — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 15:36:00 GMT

Happy Valentine's Day!

[Image via fleshbot.com]

Nintendo-Themed Valentine's Chocolates Harder to Get Than a Wii

Bryan Christian — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Find yourself in love with a serious video-game geek? Better not mention that you missed out on the totally sold-out Mii chocolates created especially for love-struck nerds by Nebraska designer Paul Pape.

This box of candy has it all. In fact, the box is even part of the gift. Crafted to look like a game unit with a very sweet message on the top, the box opens to reveal two chocolate figures with little red-hot hearts on their shirts. You can choose to have the traditional boy and girl grouping, or any combination of the two, so give the gift to a loved one or share with a friend.

SOLD. OUT. Drat. And we were gonna buy like 5 boxes and throw a huge Mii "grouping," if you know what we mean. Next year!

Previously: Sloppy Seconds: Nerd Love