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While You Were Sleeping: Facebook vs. Lesbians

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:06:00 GMT

Don't forget to right-click the links to open them in a new window...

The latest victim of Fox is Pedro Almodovar?

It's almost impossible to get a perfect score on the SAT-- how impossible would it be to get perfect scores on the PSAT, ACT, and SATs?

We wonder why this worm sign fail isn't as common in Louisiana. And, by the way, we had a great first weekend of Jazz Fest.

David Letterman wants to see Lauren Conrad's rumored/long-awaited sex tape.

That meanie Miss California is now a folk hero among ignorant religious bigots.

The latest worldwide fad: that fun-lovin' swine flu thing.

90% of teenagers have cell phones these days, effectively making the previous generation the last one to prefer the physical presence of their friends.

Madonna is the hardest workin' mama in the biz.

Does Facebook have something against lesbians?

The TV couple you hate the most were legally married on Saturday in Pasadena.

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

Skinny Blonde Beer As Misogynist As It Is Gimmicky

"Hey, Wanna Meet Me For Some Hotel Sex?"

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 21:53:00 GMT

Picture this: you're a fourteen-year-old boy, and for some reason your parents think it's appropriate for you to own a cellular telephone. More importantly, you have given the number out to an assortment of people, including your friends, strange girls from around the area, your teacher, and, one would hope, your family.

One night, you start to get racy text messages from someone claiming to be a hot girl your age. Somehow, the texter manages to convince you that you are in a hotel and waiting for you to come by for some hot sexy time. You get to the hotel on the double, open the door, and...

Now, at what point do you realize the "teenage girl" you've gone to meet is, in actuality, your 49-year-old 8th grade English instructor? Before or... after you have sex with her?

Gaaahhh!

Rosanna Brown, 49, a teacher at Pastor Elementary School in south Phoenix is charged with having sex with a 14-year-old boy.

The teacher is now in jail. Investigators say she sent text messages to the boy from her cell phone posing as a teenage girl to lure him to a hotel, where they had sex. [AZ Family]

"Oh, wait, you're not a hot 14-year-old girl from class who has a completely different phone number than the one you've been texting me from. But hey, you want to bone me, so... what the hell!"

Today in Teacher Sex: Louisiana and New York Pervs Reach New Heights

This Week in Hot for Teacher News: Another Sexy Teacher Gets Sexy With a Student

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Hudson's Latest Prize

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

A teenage girl sent 14,528 text messages in one month-- proving that actual, human conversations, even ones over the telephone, are dead. (And yes, her family had her on an unlimited SMS plan.)

We're pretty sure George W. Bush's final news conference will go down in history as his most memorable. Check out the full text here.

Can someone explain to us why Megan Fox thinks she looks like this guy?

And you thought Mail Googles were useless? Turns out they're helping people who e-mail in their sleep.

Would you support a ban on cell phones while driving?

Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez? Well, they've already dated everyone else.

Congress will be televised on YouTube. We're starting to think YouTube has gotten too popular for its own good-- like MySpace, when your grandmother joined up.

And Bruce Springsteen, Shakira, Usher, Sheryl Crow, Beyonce Knowles, and Stevie Wonder are among the highlights of the Obama inaugural shows.

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Sloppy Seconds: Samantha Ronson Checks In, Then Out

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 22:08:00 GMT

A man buried with his cellphone is still getting calls from his wife. For God's sake, leave the man be!

Cuba's youngest politician is a cutie-- not to diminish her intellect... or to mention her ability to throw us in prison and misplace the key.

Want to party with Michael Bay for $250? No? What about if we told you Megan Fox was going to be there?

Slashfilm has the details on Bay's party, meant to help the United Way: it will be held at on Saturday, December 27th at Bay’s Miami Beach home. Tickets are $250 per person, but for $500, VIPs can join Bay on a private rooftop lounge alongside Megan Fox, the clone of Scarlett Johansson, and probably a Dodge Viper, just because. Following the reception, "all guests will be invited to an after-party" so that Bay can get his swerve on at home without Miami blue-hairs swanning around.

Sam Ronson was hospitalized for depression and exhaustion (we believe this one since how else do you think life with Lindsay Lohan would go?)

What, doesn't your Mom have iTunes? 85% of tracks released in 2008 were never downloaded.

In 1939, you could feed nine kids for a single English pound per day, if you were as frugal as this woman.

Have you guys heard about the idiotic New York City Councilman, soon to be moving on to the state level, who slashed his girlfriend's face with broken glass? Now he's claiming that he tripped while bringing her a glass of water. Is that the modern day equivalent of "she fell down the stairs?" What's next-- "I thought it was a Wii Gun?"

And Barack Obama was rocking the toplessness today in Hawaii.

Surviving a Plane Crash, via Twitter

Sloppy Seconds: The Curious Case of 130,000 Missing Breasts

Sloppy Seconds: Frisky's Ten Best Male Nude Scenes List

While You Were Sleeping: Scores Strikes Out

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 16:51:00 GMT

Here's a new one: a guy caught jerking off near a couple of teenage girls says he was only giving himself "a groin massage." Bonus quote: "I haven't had an erection in the last ten years."

Here's another excuse for you: "Honey, I have to leave the toilet seat up, lest it fall on our young son's penis."

The Arcade Fire may be preparing to release a DVD.

Sherman Alexie's book "The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian," a well-deserved National Book Award Winner, has been banned in an Oregon school after one parent complained. Their issue with the book?

[Hank] Moss, reached today by The Oregonian, said the book includes "a reference about masturbation, and that it's ok and no big deal." He added that he felt it was "inappropriate."

Hey, Hank! Find us any book taught at a high school in the United States and we'll find something in it that you'd find "inappropriate." Let me guess, you think the Bible is an "appropriate" book for children?

We hope she rots in the hell her victims believe in: a woman used her four-year-old daughter as bait to rip off generous churches.

Scores may blame the failing New York economy on its recent decision to shut down, but it also have avoided letting prostitutes do business inside its walls.

Jeremy Piven lost Barack Obama's phone number. How come, in an age where cell phones snyc to computers and all computers have address books, people still lose phone numbers?

And the original Luke Skywalker light saber went for $240,000.

Virgin Mary as Never Seen Before: In Mexican Playboy

How Do You Like Your Hair Down There?

This Week in Gayness: Call In Gay Tomorrow

Who Knew North Dakota Had Such A Great Bar Scene?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 15:48:00 GMT

Hankinson, North Dakota is an up-and-coming town of 1,058 people, with not much going on these days except the North Dakota Horseshoe Tournament, taking place while the rest of the world will be climbing up lampposts in D.C. to see an inauguration.

But now this budding tourist hamlet is getting some unwanted publicity of the kind that actually inspires horndogs and other vacationers to hop the next plane to... wait, where the hell are the airports in North Dakota anyway?

The Boston Herald this morning picked up a story out of Hankinson that makes their bar scene sound worthy of the hardest-drinking Americans: The Spare Time bar is being shut down for a week after it was revealed a couple had sex in the middle of it for thirty minutes the other night. The 21-year-old "performers" were charged with misdemeanors, identified by the police thanks to the fact that dozens of people took pictures and video with their cell phones and then, get this, sent them to the City Council for amusement. Whoops-- the City Council turns out to not have a sense of humor.

On Wednesday night, Roger Boutain, who owns Spare Time, went before the Council with 100 supporters behind him (all of whom, one assumes, were at the bar that night and heartily approved) and begged to be allowed to remain open. Luckily, Hankinson only closed The Spare Time for a week...

"We went from being an up and growing community to Hankinson, the place where they had sex in the bar," Mayor Joe O’Meara said. "It didn’t shed a good light on our community. I’m hoping now, we can just put this past us."

By the way, the airport you want to fly into is Hector International, in Fargo.

Image via the Sun-UK.

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Don't Ever Lose Your Cell Phone At A McDonald's

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 22:43:00 GMT

Life Lesson #1: never lose your cell phone at a McDonald's. Life Lesson #2: If said cell phone contains nude photos of your wife, don't lose it at a McDonald's in northwest Arkansas.

A couple in the great state of Ark learned those the hard way when schlubby left his cell phone behind. For some reason, the McDonald's employees who discovered it went through his photo library instead of dialing up the man's address book and asking whose phone they were calling from. Sooner or later, at least one or two of the pics, all of which featured the man's surely long-suffering spouse, made their way to a website, which, curiously enough, made its way into the lives of the couple in question. (Did a friend see the wife's photo and say, "Hey, check out this great nude photo of your dearly beloved!" Did the husband have to admit to a porn addiction that allowed for this discovery?)

In any case, the couple has launched a three million dollar lawsuit against the company that owns the Fayetteville franchise and the restaurants manager. Was it worth it, McDonald's folks?

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While You Were Sleeping: Sarah Palin Likes Short Shorts

FCC Wants To Give You Free Wi-Fi

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:08:00 GMT

Last night, while we were busy making out with total strangers and getting groped in the streets of Manhattan, an historic event took place. Something incredible happened out there, people, and no, we're not talking about that Hussein dude pulling the wool over our eyes...

According to a story in Business Week, while the American people were speaking out in record numbers, the Federal Communications Commission, that Bush Administration disaster was trying to make amends for its past anti-First Amendment grandstanding-- perhaps out of fear of the anti-conservative revolution they're missing out on-- made a unanimous decision on wi-fi:

The country's top communications regulator unanimously voted to free up the biggest ever swath of airwaves to be used by the public for cheap high-speed wireless Internet access.
The vote came after more than six years of public scrutiny and decides the fate of airwaves that will be made available when television broadcasts switch over to digital signals from analog in February. A broad coalition of opponents, including lawmakers, musicians, and broadcasters, argued that free public use of the airwaves would interfere with TV broadcasts and wireless microphones. "I don't think I've ever seen anything like this [amount of pressure] from broadcasters before," says Steve Sharkey, senior director of regulatory and spectrum policy at Motorola (MOT), one of the companies that welcomed the FCC's decision.

Of course, don't get your wires all in a twist in excitement just yet. Wait for AT&T, Verizon, and anybody else who makes gazillions off of something we should all be getting free.

What do you think?

Via Business Week.

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