Scanner : cell phones

Hugo Chavez Calls His Mom From Penis Phone

Emily Farris — Mon, 11 May 2009 17:49:00 GMT

Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez this month will launch a $15 mobile phone complete with a camera, WAP internet access, an FM radio and MP3 and MP4 players. Perhaps the world's cheapest cell phone, access to it will help further Chavez's socialist agenda. He debuted the phone on his television show yesterday, and even called Mama Chavez from it to wish her a happy Mother's Day. But there's just one problem with it: its name. In fact, Chavez himself can't even mention the phone without smirking.

The phone is called the Vergatorio, which is derived from a slang word for "penis."

Why the president chose it remains unclear, but he enunciates each syllable with a grin. Some laugh, others are affronted.

Verga is slang for penis and vergatario is a newly minted word which signifies excellent but retains connotations from its root.
The word verga, and variations of it, are associated with Venezuela's second city, Maracaibo. Residents are famous for swearing and using Spanish verbal constructions uncommon in the rest of Venezuela.

"It's gross. I can't believe they named it something so vulgar," said Leonor Diaz, 52, a cleaner.

Whatever, this is coming from the man who pretty much called George W. Bush a pube.

"This telephone will be the biggest seller not only in Venezuela but the world," he said. "Whoever doesn't have a Vergatario is nothing," he joked.

We can't wait until the kids start sexting on this thing.

[Guardian: Chavez launches $15 mobile phone with a name to make his mother blush]

Related:

We Missed Out on National Penis Day 2009

What, Exactly, Is the Plural of "Penis?"

Video of the Day: Sexting

PA DA Threatening to Jail 11-Year-Olds For Sexting

[Image, Image]

Is "Tech Sex" Somewhere Between Cyber Sex and Technical Sex?

Emily Farris — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 17:12:00 GMT

Oh, sorry. We thought the term "sexting" was the word on the street for teenagers sending sexually explicit text messages from phone to phone, but apparently the "exting" suffix is a little too niche for the broader problem, which is "tech sex."

According to a new poll, one in five US teens has sent nude or near nude images to someone by phone or email, and twice as many have sent "suggestive electronic messages."

We don't really see how this is any different than the coded messages our "friend" used to send to our pager in high school, except this takes all the fun out of us having to consult a phone key pad to figure out that he had a dream that he was shaving our pubic hair.

Anyway, this is apparently a problem, or else there wouldn't be a news story about it, right? But the real problem, as we see it is (as we've pointed out before): if you take naked pictures with your cell phone they will get leaked. We promise.

At least it's not unprotected anal sex.

[AFP: One in five US teens has had 'tech sex': study]

Video of the Day: Sexting

Nude High School Cheerleader Scandal is Disturbing for a Few Reasons

How Long Were You a "Technical Virgin?"

"Dad, Guess Who Lost Their Virginity Last Night?"

Today in Cute Things Old People Say: Faxing

Emily Farris — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:02:00 GMT

Mom to Scanner Emily: Did Jo fax you about my plane ticket?

Scanner Emily: Huh? Fax?

Mom: You know what I mean; on her phone.

Scanner Emily: Oh, text? Yes. She did.

Quote of the Day: "Into the Internet"

Emily Farris — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 16:19:00 GMT

My mom called this morning and asked, "Could you go into the internet for me?"

She was calling from her first cell phone that she just got a year ago; it still has the plastic over the screen.

Sloppy Seconds: Carla Bruni-Sarkozy's Rock Star Performance

Emily Farris — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 21:04:00 GMT

This is not a joke or a rumor we're trying to start about Sarah Palin, but apparently her personal email account (that she used to conduct government business) has been hacked. [techPresident]

Is it bad to laugh at this headline? [Naked Man Running Through Traffic Dies]

Okay, but we can laugh at this one, right? [R. Kelly says he was betrayed during porn probe]

Whatever you do, do not send Brokeback Mountain author Annie Proulx your happy endings. [Defamer]

Dane Cook has five sisters and he's still a douche. Interesting. [People]

Think what you will about her intelligence, style and talent, but Jessica Simpson's new album debuted at the top of the Billboard country chart. [Us]

Finally! We'll learn a little something about Carrie Bradshaw before she made her way to (and in) the Big Apple. [FadedYouth]

Scarlett Johansson would like you to recycle your old cell phone. Um, okay! [TeamSugar]

FLWLF (First Lady We'd Like to Fuck), Carla Bruni-Sarkozy rocked out with The Kings of Leon and Metallica on the BBC. [Yahoo!]

Hey Everyone: Let's Totally Punk Our Friends By Text Message!

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 20:49:00 GMT

Wonkette had the brilliant idea today to use an online texting service to fake out all the Obama supporters and other political junkies who signed up to get a message announcing the campaign's official Vice Presidential selection.

Let's try it out on everyone we know... and see if we can get one of them to spread the news around, causing utter chaos and maybe even some hilarious press coverage...

First, go here if you're texting a Verizon customer. (If not, skip to the next bolded text.)

https://text.vzw.com/customer_site/jsp/messaging_lo.jsp

In the "Send To:" box, enter the number of the Verizon customer friend of yours. Don't know anybody political that has Verizon? (Yeah, most of our friends have iPhones or are voting Bob Barr.) Just enter a random number, maybe it'll go through. We tried someone who doesn't have Verizon; as far as we know, they haven't gotten it. (Either that, or they're currently alerting the media that Obama chose Michael Phelps.)

If you don't know a Verizon customer, you can try this, although we can't vouch for it. (Sprint/Nextel may work here.)

Make sure to enter 62262 as the From and Reply To, although you can probably put a fake phone number in the Call Back field.

Let us know if you come up with anything funny to say. Otherwise, we'll keep waiting by our phones for the real announcement to come our way...

Related:

Oracle: Lieberman To Become 1st Two-Time Loser VP Candidate

If The Election Were Today... Round Two

Rumor: Obama About To Announce VP Choice

While You Were Sleeping: Better To Be Fat And Fit?

While You Were Sleeping: The Last True Supermodel

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:31:00 GMT

Anne Hathaway's karaoke song is rather fitting, don't you think?

The incident with his mom and sister was apparently not the only one during Christian Bale's wild Friday.

A list of the top Hollywood bachelors that in any way involves Ryan Seacrest is invalidated automatically.

Guy answers call from the cops on his cell phone by saying: "Dude, I can't talk, I'm being chased by the police," and hanging up.

Speaking of police, they arrested a man for stealing money from a fountain in a Florida mall. His total haul? 42 cents.

You're not gonna believe who Forbes magazine thinks is the best investment in Hollywood. (You were right if you said "whoever it is, it's definitely not Tom Cruise.")

And Naomi Campbell says she wasn't the "last true supermodel":

"Models need to earn their stripes - I just think the term is used a little too loosely.
"Kate Moss is obviously a supermodel but, after Gisele [Bundchen], I don't think there's been one."

Via IMDB.

Related:

Scanner Roundtable: What's Your Karaoke Song?

Sloppy Seconds: Whose Illegitimate Half Sister is This?

Sloppy Seconds: Update On The Christian Bale Story

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Rumor Mongering (or Simple Math): Is Naomi Campbell's Vagina Infected?

UPDATE: Link fixed.

Video of the Day: Using A Cell Phone While Operating A Motor Vehicle

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 15:40:00 GMT

By the way, this is legal in most US States, including Florida.

Via Fark.com.

Tanning Salon Peeping Tom Gives New Meaning to the Term "Phone Sex"

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 21:08:00 GMT

We can't figure out which would be more exciting--taking naked pics of women at a tanning salon with your cell phone, or hiding the phone up your butt when the cops show up to bust you.

But we can probably just ask this guy.

According to the Smoking Gun:

Meet Jeffrey Barrier. The Ohio man allegedly used a cell phone camera to snap photos of a naked woman at a tanning salon Saturday and then hid the phone in his anus in a bid to thwart police.

This is why we don't tan. It's also why we stick to surveillance cameras for our sexy covert operations. (Joking!!)

My Life Just Flashed Before My Eyes: The Evolution of the Cell Phone

Emily Farris — Fri, 23 May 2008 19:49:00 GMT

From Zack Morris to the iPhone.

Lily Allen and Kids From "Harry Potter" Form Youngest, Most Adorablest Love Triangle Ever!

Bryan Christian — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:48:00 GMT

OMG! Lily Allen is coming between Harry Potter stars Emma Watson and Rupert Grint! Couldn't you just DIE?

Lily Allen caused tension between Harry Potter stars Rupert Grint and Emma Watson - after calling the young actor while he was on a shopping trip with his pretty co-star.
And when Emma, 17, saw it was Lily calling Rupert’s mobile while he was busy trying on a suit in Armani, she slammed the phone down on her.
[...]
Adds the source: “Emma listened to the person on the phone for a bit and then she said: ‘We’re busy right now, like you should be, Lily.’

Daaaaaaaamn! Hermione be all hardcore, bringin' the broom down hawd and shit! Hang on, are any of these people even dating? We thought Emma was canoodling with Daniel Radcliffe. And we must ask: Lily should be "busy" doing what, exactly, Emma? Getting over that horrible month she had where she had a miscarriage, broke up with her boyfriend, and got dumped as a lingerie model? Seriously, cut the kid some slack. She's got a third nipple, for crying out loud, and we all know what a terrible toll that can take on a person.

Oh, you didn't know she had a third nipple? Would you like to see it? So would we, actually, so meet us back here after the jump and we'll watch the video together, like a family should.

People Sets the Record Straight About Mary-Kate Olsen's Link to Heath Ledger at the Time of His Death, And It's Not That Exciting

Emily Farris — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 13:47:00 GMT

When Ledger's masseuse showed up at his apartment to give him a massage and he was unresponsive, she used the speed dial on Ledger's phone to call Olsen. The masseuse apparently knew they were friends and thought this was the right thing to do. So there.

[People: Mary-Kate Olsen's Link to Heath Ledger Case]

When Drinking and Technology Don't Mix: Scanner Emily's Facebook Faux Pas

Emily Farris — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 13:57:00 GMT

I, Scanner Emily, like to drink. I also like to dabble in technology. These two things usually do not get me into trouble... on their own.

Friday night I was out with some friends and one asked about a guy I've gone on a couple dates with. I got out my phoneputer and went to Facebook mobile. Facebook popped up, and I put the guy's name into the text field. His picture didn't show up. I was confused. I was drunk. So it took me a few minutes to realize I'd updated my status to say this guy's name: "Emily John John.*" It was too late to make it disappear completely (Facebook gives you a few seconds to "correct" your status), so I decided the only thing to do was send a text message explaining what I'd just done, in case he'd seen it (because, of course, he's my Facebook friend):

"Embarrassing confession in case you see it: I'm out with a friend who asked about you. I got on facebook and tried to put your name into search on my phone and am pretty sure I just updated my profile to say 'emily john john.' I am very embarrassed and not a freak. Oops. Whiskey and phoneputers do not mix."

At least it wasn't as bad as the time I accidentally sent my mom a dirty text message.

Post Super Bowl a few years back, I was a little sloppy, and thought it would be fun to send my boyfriend at the time a text from the next room. And so I did. It was too dirty and offensive to be repeated here. A few minutes later I got this message.

"Your message was addressed to a landline # 816-796-####. 4 a limited time send msgs to a landline using Sprint's Text to Landline Service! Std rates apply."

I'd sent the message to my mom! And Sprint was going to make sure she got it. I'd mistakenly sent text messages to landlines before and figured they disappeared into the cell-o-sphere. That's the way it should be.

Never the alarmist, I figured if I'd wanted to take advantage of the Text to Landline Service, I'd have to take another step, like...I don't know...sign up for it?

I sent the message to the intended recipient and went back to watching "Grey's Anatomy." Then, I received this:

"Your message was successfully delivered to an answering machine or voicemail at 816-796-####. Thanks for using Text to Landline!"

Fuck.

*Obviously, some names have been changed to protect people's identities.

[Image via]

Porn: For Those Times When Vodka Just Won't Cut It

Emily Farris — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 15:56:00 GMT

A 22-year-old man in Canada racked up an $83,000 cell phone bill after connecting the phone to his computer to use as a modem. Discovering Internet porn for the first time must be pretty exciting, and while we don't know for sure what he was downloading (he won't talk to the press, as Reuters points out because "he doesn't want to incur more long distance charges"), Reuters' headline "Lonely guy shocked to get $83,000 phone bill" makes it pretty clear. But the best part of all is the quote this guy's dad gave:

Staniaszek's father, also named Piotr Staniaszek, said his son thought he could use his new phone as a modem for his computer as part of his C$10 unlimited browser plan from Bell Mobility, a division of Bell Canada.

He downloaded movies and other high-resolution files unaware of the charges they would incur.

"He's working in the field sometimes, alone, in the shack. What to do? Drink vodka or go on the Internet?" Staniaszek senior told Reuters on Thursday from Calgary, Alberta.

"Now it's $85,000 and nobody told him," he said.

According to his invoice, the son rang up C$60,000 in charges in November, and they have since climbed to C$85,000.

[Via Reuters]

Today in Craigslist Missed Connections

Emily Farris — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 16:51:00 GMT

Creepy dude with camera phone who capitalizes way too much, "It Was Spiritual, You Made A Mistake In Calling Me A Creep" (Thanks, Bill!)

Two Dudes, One Mouth

Alright, so we're going to go use some Listerine right about now...

"Eat your dinner; there are children starving in Africa."

Emily Farris — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 18:03:00 GMT

"Yeah, Mom, but they probably have a cell phone."

At some point today, one out of every two people on earth will have a cell phone.

Buzzkill Judge De-Robed

Emily Farris — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 14:07:00 GMT

Look, we know cell phone rings are annoying. Especially when the ring tone is set to some terribly catchy song like "Umbrella" (ellah, ellah, ella! eh, eh eh!). We've wanted to politely (and not so politely) ask people on the subway to please stop testing out their new ringers but usually we just roll our eyes and try to look really annoyed so the guilty party will stop the insanity. But that works just about as well as it does on people who clip their nails on the train: not at all.

But back in 2005, one judge must have heard one too many cell phones ringing on his way to work, because when one rang in his court room, he snapped.

"Everyone is going to jail," the judge said. "Every single person is gong to jail in this courtroom unless I get that instrument now. If anybody believes I'm kidding, ask some of the folks that have been here for a while. You are all going."

He was fo' reals. When none of the 46 people in the room came forward, he sentenced them all to jail. And now he's been removed from the bench.

Image via Son of the South.