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Former Disco Dancer Shocks British TV Audiences With Latest Routine

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:12:00 GMT

A woman whose story reads like a 50's pulp novel survived multiple rapes, beatings from her mother, and a forced performance in a porno to become a disco dancing champion, before retiring to become a housewife. On Saturday night, she staged her second comeback on Britain's Got Talent, the Simon Cowell-run spectacle that has seen some serious competition lately.

But Fabia Cerra takes them all down, easy, in our book-- watch what happens when this polite, nervous size 20 sweetheart does after taking the stage for the live taping...

We apologize for this bootleg-quality YouTube video, but the others have embedding disabled. (You can watch the HQ version here.)

Here's what those pesky Union Jacks were covering up:

See you in the finals, Madame Cerra, although it seems some stuffy Brits won't be tuning in:

Ofcom revealed it has received 39 complaints since the programme aired while a further 40 viewers complained to ITV, according to the Telegraph.

Photos via the Daily Mail.

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Spidey: Too Racy for the Library?

Colleen Kane — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 16:51:00 GMT

When a 6-year-old boy brought home a Spider-Man graphic novel from his school library in Millard, Nebraska, his mother found it to be age-inappropriate and requested that it be removed from the library.

The offending comic is from 2002 and was rated PG, Ages 12+, and features Mary Jane (above) in a bikini and short skirt. Woah now! It's not like you can see that anywhere you turn like on TV, the Internet, movies, or real life.

The school district's head librarian is forming a committee to determine what course of action to take. And this will take how many resources...?

While we agree that a 6-year-old could be making more educational choices at a school library, we hate when parents try to get books of any kind banned, especially when the main offense is showing a little leg.

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Keith Richards Shows Us His Other Appendage... No, Not the Guitar, Silly...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 22:40:00 GMT

Last night, we attended the opening reception of the Not Fade Away Gallery in New York City, which is first hosting a treasure trove of unreleased photos of the Stones and Beatles in their early days. Uncensored behind-the-scenes photos of Ringo acting the fool, Brian Jones getting wasted on margaritas, and other general merriment dotted the gallery.

We spent a good hour there just waiting for promised special guest Keith Richards to arrive, but eventually gave up. Before we took off, we loaded up on Blue Point beer and snuck several unauthorized photos of the photos, including this one of Keith Richards peeing in what appears to be an outdoor sink...

Click here for the uncensored photo and a close-up.

Is this why he didn't show? Well, it's not like we can tell how big the rest of it is just from him starting to whip it out, but one can make certain assumptions.

Moving along, here are the other photos we snuck... including this great candid of an historic moment: Mick Jagger eyeing an (unopened) copy of Bob Dylan's Bringing It All Back Home, the album that many consider the first "rock" record...

Again apologies for the poor photography, but we had to be sneaky. If you want to visit the gallery, here's that information.

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Warner Bros. Took Away Kevin Smith's Dicks

Colleen Kane — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:15:00 GMT

We would be more outraged about this news of a Kevin Smith film being censored if our initial reaction to this news wasn't "Kevin Smith is making another movie?"

What juvenalia has he left unplumbed? Is there still more minutia of Star Wars yet to be discussed on the big screen?

This latest venture with Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan was supposed to be titled A Couple of Dicks. And it's about detectives! But then Warner Bros. found that just too risque and so the name has been changed to...wait for it...

A Couple of Cops.

[As struggling screenwriters everywhere kill themselves, alone in their cheap rented rooms.]

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Brazilian Carnival Outdoing Itself Almost Daily With Risque Nudity

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:44:00 GMT

Dani Sperle. Remember the name of that nude Brazilian carnival superstar-- yesterday, we asked you to memorize the words Viviane Castro, but we're unceremoniously brushing her aside-- for Dani just took South America by storm or, rather, by boob...

According to unsubstantied reports from Brazil's front lines, Dani Sperle has just beaten Viviane Castro's 2008 record for the skimpiest carnival costume. If you think we're making this category up, you need to read this:

Brazilian media outlets are very excited about the fact that there is a new record for the smallest article of clothing to be worn in a Carnival parade. Model Dani Sperle showed up at the parade in Rio de Janeiro wearing a headdress, a necklace, boots, armbands ... and a piece of cloth that was 3 centimeters long. For as much coverage as this fact was given, none of the reports specify how she wore this piece of cloth. It broke the record set last year by Viviane Castro at 4 centimeters. Castro was penalized for not meeting minimum standards, though no penalties have been assessed against Sperle yet. [TampaBay.com]

It's in a Florida newspaper, and you know everyone is sane and not full of bullshit in that state. However, we can actually confirm the outfit, based on this unfortunately-censored photo:

Yesterday, one commenter asked where the "strategically-placed tape" was... your answer may appear above, good sir.

And if you're annoyed at the censored photo, here are two NSFW photos of today's record-breaker... put two and two together using your imagination, people...

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Naked Man Takes Over the Tate

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 14:47:00 GMT

Have you ever noticed that museums host an assortment of paintings and photos of nude women, but hardly any of men?

These noble internet troublemakers noticed...

An image of a naked delivery driver from Newcastle has been projected onto the side of Tate Britain in a bid to break the taboo of showing the male form.

But the stunt is not the product of the art establishment, 25-year-old Neill Richardson was dared to show off his body on a bragging website.

He sent in the picture - displaying his tattoos and behind - and it was (somehow) picked as the 'best' and projected 50ft tall onto the side of the famous art gallery. [Newslite]

While their intentions may not have been as heroic as some might suggest (they weren't out to "break the taboo" any more than they wanted to top a similar prank from 1999 that projected a naked Gail Porter onto the backside of Parliament), at least now people in the art world are discussing that controversial subject: the nude male form and the unspoken conservative suppression of it.

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Butt is it Art?

Colleen Kane — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 19:32:00 GMT

Vice magazine's website spotlights sculptor Randy Polumbo, who created this giant flower Buttercup out of dildos, with an enormous butt plug in the center. It makes an enchanting luminescent view at night with the help of solar power.

Surprisingly, some religious people have gotten upset at the sight.

Randy hosts the Art Queen fair on his property in Joshua Tree, CA, and one of his tenants that holds offices on the site, the Jesus House of Prayer, called the sherriff after seeing this blooming dildo sculpture. The sherriff covered up the sculpture with a blue tarp, which has since been removed, and now, Polumbo says, "it’s just one fellow who marches and yells about Jesus on Sundays now with this big placard about hell and punishment."

Those seem to be everywhere these days, so we say, shine on you crazy dildos.

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Images

While You Were Sleeping: Weekend Weddings

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 15:52:00 GMT

Someone has been posing as a thirteen-year-old Australian girl on the internet and posting nude photos, license plates, and phone numbers online predators. Unsurprisingly, the cops want to do the job themselves.

Censorship reigns supreme in America, even in art galleries.

What's worse than getting married at a Waffle House? Getting married at Taco Bell.

Roland Burris-- forgotten footnote or future Senator? History will be decided today.

What happens when you're Elvis Costello and you're on tour with The Clash and the Damned? Painful pranks.

Charlotte Church is old enough to have a baby? Holy God, we must be getting old.

A man solved a Rubik's Cube... after 26 years of trying. We're not supporters of just giving up when something doesn't work, but...

'Til Death will return for a fourth season.

Prince Harry apologized for calling someone a "raghead" and another a "Paki."

And Kevin Costner was in the hospital while, on an unrelated note, Fergie got married in Malibu.

If You're Going to Give A BJ In Public...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:33:00 GMT

...you might not want to do it front of cameras and startled onlookers...

...as English lass Emma Modrate has learned the hard way. (Side note: although the original article in the Sun doesn't mention it, it was most likely a blow job. Ah, the Sun... topless women running rampant in its pages for no reason, but God forbid they use the words "oral sex" in order to clarify what the hell they're rambling on about.)

The most amusing thing about this story is that a) Modrate has made thirty-three court appearances in just ten years and b) the judge's actual words to her?

“It seems the probation service have more faith in you than I have. I have reviewed your case over the last year and it seems you have been going backwards. However, I am going to give you one more chance."

Apparently, Emma's boyfriend gave her two chances... to finish up the blow job that is. Closed-circuit footage of the incident indicates that Liam Dougherty, whom the Sun barely even mentions (you know, because the guy shouldn't get in trouble at all for this), kept coming back for more. It must not have been all that wonderful, since the dude decided to converse with a passing hobo, who we're sure reflected philosophically, Kevin Smith-style, on the state of blow jobs in this confused and diversified world of ours...

Oh, and here's the Sun's photo of this woman... we don't condone laughing at someone's appearance... so let's all laugh at the fact that she's a smoker!

Tampon Ad Is Australia's Most-Complained About of 2008

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 15:51:00 GMT

Idiots everywhere raved about it: "I think the beaver ad is fantastic! i couldn't stop laughing when i saw the ad -good on you guys!!!!!" "This was cheeky and effective. Well done!" "Congratulations! What a fantastic advertising campaign!" Uh, yeah... because people write to companies they hardly know and applaud their advertising department, suuure.

So, it should come as no surprise that Kimberly-Clark testimonials on behalf of their "Beaver" ad campaign are obvious fakes... and certainly not after you see the ad, rated as the year's #1 Most Complained About Commercial, which came close to being yanked in Australia:

Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if people complained because this ad was mind-numbingly obvious and an insult to our intelligence, instead of for offending Puritans with strict mores?

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Australians Fight Back Against Potential Topless Sunbathing Ban

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 22:06:00 GMT

It seems that for their next act of mass censorship, the conservative movement plans to rally around is a ban on topless sunbathing. (Of course, they're only banning women from tanning without tops.) In New Zealand, young boys protest the "sick" naked breasts they've seen on beaches. In Australia, a battle has raged for days about one Christian conservative's proposal to ban women from baring their boobs at the beach...

Reverend Fred Nile, a leader of the Christian Democratic Party, angrily denounced the decades-old practice of many an Australian female, requesting a law be specifically passed that prevented the women from going topless. Immediately, the measure gained traction among other conservatives on the legislature in New South Wales, to the point where the story made front page news around the world yesterday and Australians (men, mostly) panicked. Others chastised the law in vicious blog comments, which ranged from "don't these people have anything better to legislate" to "what a bunch of sexist morons-- welcome to the Nanny State." In fact, they didn't go far enough in chastising these backwards morons, although the public uproar of the past 24 hours has quelled the argument... for now.

While leaders of the two major parties in NSW have said they would not pass such a law, they are going to leave it up to individual towns, which may not be so levelheaded. Nonetheless, we'll either protest those poor decisions or celebrate their defeat with the following photos, none of which show any onlookers to have had their eyes burned out by (an imaginary) God or little kids to be traumatized for life. It's perfectly natural-- and if men can do it, it's nothing but blatant sexism if one puts a stop to the practice...

As you can see, this is a perfectly normal, well-rounded, natural occurence. Now, should we show you topless men-- those photos might not meet the same qualifications...

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This Blog Has Been Rated NC-17

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 15:14:00 GMT

See why after the jump.

As Emily noted in yesterday's Sloppy Seconds, some idiots over in the UK (rapidly become the near-police state we have across the pond) think it's wise to give blogs ratings. If so, we'll circulate a petition saying every blog will agree to rate themselves XXX, rendering the internet entirely useless for most people until a law is passed abolishing the ratings.

We've always hated the concept of blog, movie, or even video game ratings (for one thing, way to give away what we're going to see-- "Rated R for strong graphic violence and sexual content" and there hasn't been any of that in the first forty minutes? Well, we know how this is all going to wrap up, see?) However, we were unable to resist One Plus You's attempt to rank blogs in advance.

Here's how Scanner stacked up:

So, wouldn't a religious (wacko's) site railing against pornography, abortion, and women actually enjoying sex be NC-17 as well? Gotta love indiscriminate censorship...

Best Naked Music Video of the Year

Scanner Matt — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 15:48:00 GMT

This is one of our favorite music videos of 2008. David Byrne never ceases to amaze us. If it wasn't for MTV the world could have been so much cooler. It's your fault too.

Pitchfork, this century's authority on music, has released a whopping 2008 list featuring the top 40 videos of the year. Yeah, that already-boring Beyonce one did make the cut, but that's the very least of this batch.

The BPA [ft. David Byrne & Dizzee Rascal]: "Toe Jam" [Keith Schofield]

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