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While You Were Sleeping: The Top Models Brawl

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

Charlie Sheen's wife gave birth to twin boys. Wonder what that childhood's gonna be like...

Political turncoat Ron Silver died of cancer at the age of 62. Silver was most recently known for appearing on The West Wing.

An arrest warrant was issued for Lindsay Lohan over the weekend; she faces a hearing today.

The right-wing came out swinging at Jon Stewart over the Jim Cramer-Brawl Street business, none more pathetically than Tucker Carlson, who denied being a "partisan hack."

At an America's Next Top Model cattle call (that's a term, not a slur) in New York, three women were arrested when some idiots yelled "there's a bomb," probably to cut ahead in line, and a full-on brawl/stampede ensued.

Lionel Richie worried that his female fans would stop throwing their panties at him if he became a grandfather.

This trailer makes painting seem so badass.

Race to Witch Mountain easily dethroned The Watchmen over the weekend.

And how would you like this job? Kylie Minogue was paid $1 million for performing a single song for Bollywood.

Sloppy Seconds: Wanda Sykes Says "I Do"

The Rise and Fall of Lindsay Lohan

Today in the Apocalypse: Barbie Got Even Skinnier

Charlie Sheen: Because You Can Never Be Surrounded by Enough Women

Emily Farris — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 14:59:00 GMT

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While You Were Sleeping: The New American Idol Judge

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 13:41:00 GMT

Remember that story last week about the bride and groom that got into a fight with their guests and ended up in jail? (Twice?) Well, a couple in Scotland may have taken us literally when we joked it sounded like a great party.

Three people have been arrested for attempting to assassinate or at least wound Senator Obama during his outdoor speech, scheduled for Thursday night.

Speaking of Obama: isn't voting for McCain after you backed Hillary Clinton the same as voting for Bush after you backed Bill Bradley?

As frustrated Democrats converged on Denver yesterday, some began chanting "caucus fraud," while others shouted the word "sweetie," a reference to the time Obama called a female reporter by the same name. One Clinton supporter who spoke to ABC News said Obama couldn't be trusted. Another said, "He's shifty and untrustworthy." [ABC News]

We're not sure why every media outlet did a story on the reason Facebook blocked Scrabulous. Thanks, but we figured it was Mattel's doing all along.

Songwriter Karen DioGuardi, who looks like someone who'd play Paula Abdul in a Lifetime movie, and author of hits for Carrie Underwood, Pink, and Kelly Clarkson, is bringing her brand of sass to American Idol. Now the show just needs someone who can actually sing and we might watch it.

A father and son, who have been separated for 22 years are finally reunited: in prison, where both are serving terms for the same sex crime.

One of the singers from the Barenaked Ladies survived a plane crash. They just got a whole lot cooler in our books...

Yes, he's been such a great parent so far, let's do it all over again: Charlie Sheen's new wife is pregnant.

The 50 Sexiest Albums You Must Own (50-41)

Andy Dick And Steven Page: Today In C-List Celeb Arrests

DNC Kicks Off Tonight With Ghosts Of Party Past

Sloppy Seconds: Matthew Broderick And Sarah Jessica Parker On The Run?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 21:25:00 GMT

John McCain waited for Obama to buy $5 million in ad to air during the Olympics before making his own $6 million buy. He'll do the same thing, kinda, with his VP choice.

Charlie Sheen, the highest paid actor on TV (hang your heads in shame, everyone), paid a doctor bill with loose change.

Lindsay Lohan's Dad is in the news again...

...this time he says because of his supposed "Christian values," he must refuse to walk his lesbian daughter down the aisle.

Baseball hasn't been this hip since the fifties: Wilco played "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" at Wrigley last night, during the 7th inning stretch.

A man has been jailed for "fondling himself" while running naked after a garbage truck. Guess we're not hip enough to be up to date on the latest fetishes.

Grand Theft Auto is back under the microscope after a kid killed a cab driver to see if real life is anything like his favorite game.

Amanda Peet says people should ignore the advice of famous actors and listen to her advice instead. In other news, Amanda Peet is apparently not an actor.

And Matthew Broderick and-- gasp!-- SJP may have to leave New York (scandal!) or at least find a new place to live because the paparazzi won't leave the couple alone. It doesn't help that your husband is probably cheating on you, Ms. Parker.

Crush of the Week: GTA IV's Lollipop Girl

Songs of Love and Hate: V-Day Edition

Did Eliot Spitzer Get Charlie Sheen's Sloppy Seconds?

Charlie Sheen In Today's (Second?) Biggest Hooker Scandal

Michael Lohan Sells Out Lindsay Once Again

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 17:24:00 GMT

Not to insult Moms (or even celebrities), but TMZ has a list today that we must improve upon...

Most of these Celebrity Moms are actually pretty cool (well, except for Britney, of course), but sometimes with all their plastic surgery, fake boobs, and reality TV antics, they make fools of themselves. Today, we run down those who have slipped up and caused the biggest fashion faux pas of late...

10. Janice Dickinson (see above.) The world's first supermodel or Scary Aunt Spice?

9. Katie Holmes. Not because she ever dresses like a prostitute, rather her inclusion here is thanks to those "rumors" that she took $3 million from the Church of Scientology to be Tom's wife.

8. Judy Landers

7. Christina Aguilera, who normally looks much classier these days, was caught in Spitzer's-second-hooker mode by the pap's:

6. Linda Hogan

5. Lisa Gastineau

4. Tori Spelling

3. Britney Spears

2. Elizabeth Hurley. Among the classiest women in the world most of the time and arguably Britain's sexiest MILF, Hurley does, from time to time, unfortunately get mistaken for a hooker Hugh Grant might've picked up:

Photo via Babble

1. Denise Richards. This photo really says it all. Why did Charlie Sheen need to hire out again? (Seriously, who needs hookers when you have the star of "Wild Things," who happens to dress way better than this most of the time? Even a jackass like Sheen shouldn't need to outsource...)

Via TMZ.

Charlie Sheen In Today's (Second?) Biggest Hooker Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 01 May 2008 19:30:00 GMT

You know that anytime a celebrity tries to get himself a bit of press using a prostitution scandal, soon enough Charlie Sheen will see his bet and double it...

Sheen, the star of one of the unfunniest sitcoms ever to (almost) top the Nielsen ratings, is spending some of those of those big fat checks on hookers so expensive, Ashley Alexandra Dupree is gonna look like a $5 Battery Tunnel streetwalker. Sheen, according to IMDB

reportedly answered a newspaper advertisement for Nici's Girls which charges customers $25,000 per night - and placed an order for four escorts. The 42-year-old - who was accused by ex-wife Denise Richards of having an unhealthy love for prostitutes and Internet porn - reportedly paid agency owner Nici $20,000 for their services.

This revelation, published this month in Rolling Stone, featured one hilarious David Lee Roth-style moment of celebrity self-indulgence:

"When Nici dropped four girls off at his penthouse, she found the actor in silk pajamas with 'C. MaSheen' embroidered over the pocket. Sheen gave her a $20,000 check for the girls, and she picked them up several hours later."

This story goes on and on and you should read the rest at IMDB News. However, we'll leave you with one comment, from Sheen's publicist to the dreaded Page Six:

"This is an old, old, old story. But, if you're looking for a really good story, I heard that Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe are getting a divorce."

Did Eliot Spitzer Get Charlie Sheen's Sloppy Seconds?

Emily Farris — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 13:03:00 GMT

Did Charlie Sheen also hire "Kristen," Eliot Spitzer's high class hooker? And more importantly, does Sheen really have a cheerleader fetish?

One pimp claims that yes, he sent Kristen to Sheen's house on at least one occasion, and on that particular occasion she and another woman dressed as cheerleaders and chanted "Charlie, Charlie, he's our man. If he can't do it, nobody can!" If that's true, we assume they also had hot, threesome, cheerleader sex.

But Sheen, who has admitted to hiring prostitutes in the past, is denying the story that first broke in the UK. A publicist for Sheen said, "Problem with the report was the alleged cheerleader incident, if it ever even happened, was 15 years ago. So the story is not true."

So what you're saying is he really does have a cheerleader fetish?

[FoxNews: Charlie Sheen Denies Report He Hired Spitzer Hooker, Asked Her to Dress as a Cheerleader]

Would You Watch?: Denise Richards' Reality Show

Emily Farris — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:01:00 GMT

TMZ is reporting that Denise Richards will ask a judge for permission to appear in her own reality show with her two daughters, the fruit of her and Charlie Sheen's combined loins. Sheen, of course is against it.

Via TMZ:

We're told the ground rules in the ongoing custody dispute are that either parent must get permission if the kids are goin' on camera. We're told Charlie feels it's exploitive and will draw a clear line in the sand, objecting to any appearance by three-year-old Sam and two-year-old Lola.

The real question is, who would even watch this show?

[TMZ: Charlie to Denise -- Reality Show My Ass!]

Daily Mail Male Escort Article Recalls the Wisdom of Charles Sheen [UPDATED]

Bryan Christian — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 19:45:00 GMT

Meet Joanna Whiteley, an attractive 36-year old interior designer who hires male escorts to accompany her to social events -- and doesn't care who knows it. Or at least we hope, since there's a big article about her in the UK's Daily Mail.

Within minutes of Steve arriving for their date, she found him to be charming, articulate and handsome. But then he should be, given that Joanna was paying £350 for his company.

[...]

"One of my friends had read something about high-flying women hiring male escorts to chaperone them to parties and business events. We were all giggling about the idea of paying a beautiful man to grace your arm, but quietly I started to think it actually wasn't a bad idea."

Will it totally date us to say "You go, girl!" Oh, also: £350! That's like 15 grand in USD, right? Cripes. From the article, it doesn't seem like the guy even has to put out, so, you know: "You go, guy!"

Of course, this only reminds us of the wisdom of bon vivant and philosopher-john Charles "Charlie" Sheen, who (supposedly, since we can't find the reference) once said of prostitutes: "You don't pay for the sex; you pay for them to leave." True enough, Charles; your all-encompassing wisdom clearly extends to sex-free British escorts as well. Just the sort of piercing insight that we've come to expect from 40% of Two and a Half Men.

UPDATE: Reader D. opines that Jack Nicholson is actually the genius responsible for the "pay for them to leave" quote, which we'd totally buy. In fact, in our wildest dreams, both he and Mr. Sheen would have stumbled across the same nugget of wisdom in some fabulous, full-on bacchanalian moment of clarity shared only by world-class lotharios. (OK, in our wildest dreams, we'd have experienced the same moment of clarity ourselves. Moving on.) But unfortunately, the only legit reference we can find for Nicholson is the Guardian, which uses it so anecdotally that we're not sure it really counts. So, anyone interested in a little crowdsourcing experiment out there? Hit us with a verifiable reference for the quote in the comments here and we'll send you something to stick in your happyholes or a t-shirt or something.

Charlie Sheen Just As Pervy, Nutso as You Thought

sarahhepola — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 20:46:00 GMT

Okay, people, are you ready for this? Charlie Sheen apparently had a real doll. It cost $6,000 and was dressed like a cheerleader. When he eventually got embarrassed by it, he took a meat cleaver, chopped it up, and disposed of it in a Dumpster. Which is, come to think of it, exactly what we’d like to do to Two and Half Men. Now, we haven’t seen Lars and the Real Girl yet, but we’re assuming this isn’t how it ends.

Scanner : charlie sheen

While You Were Sleeping: The Top Models Brawl

Madonna Does Marilyn Monroe Then Lindsay...

Sloppy Seconds: Wanda Sykes Says "I Do"

The Rise and Fall of Lindsay Lohan

Today in the Apocalypse: Barbie Got Even Skinnier

Charlie Sheen: Because You Can Never Be Surrounded by Enough Women

While You Were Sleeping: The New American Idol Judge

Charlie Sheen In Today's (Second?) Biggest Hooker Scandal

The 50 Sexiest Albums You Must Own (50-41)

Andy Dick And Steven Page: Today In C-List Celeb Arrests

DNC Kicks Off Tonight With Ghosts Of Party Past

Sloppy Seconds: Matthew Broderick And Sarah Jessica Parker On The Run?

SJP And Matthew Broderick Skids In The City?

Crush of the Week: GTA IV's Lollipop Girl

Songs of Love and Hate: V-Day Edition

Did Eliot Spitzer Get Charlie Sheen's Sloppy Seconds?

Charlie Sheen In Today's (Second?) Biggest Hooker Scandal

Michael Lohan Sells Out Lindsay Once Again

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

Charlie Sheen In Today's (Second?) Biggest Hooker Scandal

Did Eliot Spitzer Get Charlie Sheen's Sloppy Seconds?

Would You Watch?: Denise Richards' Reality Show

Daily Mail Male Escort Article Recalls the Wisdom of Charles Sheen [UPDATED]

Charlie Sheen Just As Pervy, Nutso as You Thought