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Top 5 Charlize Theron Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 21:16:00 GMT

Fleshbot alerted us to the upcoming Charlize Theron movie, The Burning Plain, which continues Oscar-winning nude trailblazer Charlize Theron's tradition of going topless "if the role requires it."

Here's a list of the five highlights from that stunning career. Nope, no Cider House Rules or Aeon Flux this time... someday, though, we'll get to those scenes...

5. Monster. This harrowing, utterly absorbing serial killer biopic landed Theron a well-deserved Oscar. You would think that would be what everyone remembers about the hit film-- but no, this is what the internet still buzzes about: Charlize + Christina Ricci + tongue = hot sex. This would be one of the most popular sex scenes in history if only the makeup department hadn't conspired to make their characters look more like scary murderers than sex symbols.

4. Reindeer Games. Due to the uploaders poor editing on the first sex scene from this movie, we've included the pool scene as well. Neither of them are all that memorable, but together... not a bad waste of 90 seconds...

3. Head in the Clouds. We always wondered how Stuart Townsend, that lucky bastard, hooked up with our girl, who refers to him as her "husband." It wasn't on this film, but one shortly before that these two met-- but it might as well have started with this scene, which is probably what their nights are like 365 days a year. Lucky, lucky.

2. 2 Days in the Valley. The scene that made her famous starts about 22 seconds in. James Spader may have been in Sex, Lies, and Videotape and a few of the Brat Pack movies. He may have been incredibly good on Boston Legal. Hell, he may go on to win 10 Academy Awards (all for supporting actor-- ha ha, he's always a bridesmaid....) The point is: no matter what James Spader does with the rest of his life, the first line on his resume should read: "Yeah, I was in That Fucking Scene."

1. The Devil's Advocate. You scrolled right to the bottom to check for this one, didn't you? We can't blame you-- this one always blew the others away, especially when we saw it in the context of The Keanu Reeves-Al Pacino Bad Acting Experience. Perhaps both men signed up to enjoy these two lovely ladies in the buff-- after all, there are worse ways to make a living.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Lingerie

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 20:38:00 GMT

Every guy has a childhood story about finding the nudie mags under their friend's dad's bed. Ours involves raiding our best friend's father's Playboy collection, dating back to the mid-sixties, and going over centerfolds ranging from famous rock groupie Bebe Buell to Vicki Iovine, wife of the great record producer Jimmy Iovine.

But we always got bored with the nude women posing in the same exact way. We ended up digging to the bottom for the Victoria's Secret catalog with Elle MacPherson on the cover. To us, the tease was better than the full monty.

With that in mind, here are Five of our Favorite Sex Scenes Featuring Lingerie...

5. Gia. This first surfaced on the internet entitled "Banned Lingerie Commercial." Yeah, right-- even lingerie commericals aren't this hot. Should this automatically be #1 on any list of anything, including lists that have nothing to do with sex? Yes. Are we too lazy to move it to the bottom of this post? Indeed.

4. Two Days in the Valley. Skip to 0:22 to the part where James Spader finally shuts up when Charlize and her long, long, long legs enter the bedroom... and then they both don't shut up. Ever.

3. Mutual Needs. Is this a porno? Rochelle Swanson's in it, so it must be... but who's complaining? If you have five minutes to kill today, this is how you should spend it.

2. Layer Cake. Skip to 1:30 to build on the hotness. Thinking that this PG-13 movie would be lacking in uncomfortable sex scenes, we decided a Daniel Craig action movie might be a good choice for a post-Thanksgiving dinner. Whoops. Sienna Miller here explains why she is able to hypnotize men into leaving their wives-- she just pops in a DVD of this scene:

1. El Beso del Sueno. Maribel Verdu from Y Tu Mama Tambien and... some old guy... in what was obviously her audition for the famous blockbuster Alfonse Cuaron film. Did that movie top this one in her terms of hotness? Of course... but don't miss the close up of Verdu's panties... Cuaron didn't think of that.

Bonus: Lori Loughlin from Full House in what may or may not be lingerie (or is a simple dress?) from Suckers.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes From Horror Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 22:33:00 GMT

Here's Part One of a list that includes Keanu Reeves, vampires, Susan Sarandon, vampires, the devil, Keanu Reeves, the devil, and some more vampires.

Hey, horror's got a few good ideas and they're all recycled like Tipper Gore's vibrator batteries... or something equally irrelevant to this post.

5. Bram Stoker's Dracula. While this Keanu Reeves-Gary Oldman-Winona Ryder film directed by Francis Ford Coppola is well known, it's difficult to find sex scenes or even clips from it on YouTube or anywhere else. The film is nearly complete on YouTube, but with only this sequence intact and not the famous scene where Reeves is molested by a couple of hot, naked vampires. A tragic discovery, to be sure.

Another clip can be found here.

4. The Hunger. Ah yes, one of the most popular sex scenes of all-time, here for 432nd time. But would we have been forgiven for leaving out nude action involving Susan Sarandon and Catherine Denueve? Doubtful.

Hunger

3. Angel Heart. Remember the days before Mickey Rourke was a washed-up boxer? We don't remember them either, but how can we forget the most controversial sex scene of the 1980s, from this cult horror flick set in New Orleans that involved one of the Cosby girls. Say goodbye to network TV respectability with us...

Angel Heart

2. The Devil's Advocate. We may never understand why this gem (that's putting it lightly) of a sex scene is left off almost every list of the greats. Perhaps it disturbs some when they find out (SPOILERS!) that Keanu and Connie are siblings-- at least according to Satan, who would know. Bonus: two hot chicks, hallucinations, and the fires of hell-- don't miss this!

1. Embrace of the Vampire. Although you won't hear any arguments from us that #2 is the superior scene, we're putting this up in the top spot for pure raunch and "Unrated" hotness. In fact, if Alyssa Milano had never done Who's The Boss?, we think most guys would still know who she is, thanks to this ridiculous vampire sex film. Enjoy the scene embedded here and then feel free to poke around Metacafe for other clips from the movie.

Alysia Milano Sex Scene

More coming in a few weeks in Part Two... suggestions are always welcome...

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Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes - the Sequel

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:19:00 GMT

Following up on the promise made with the Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes, we present the sequel, which was already in production when the first one landed with a triumphant boom on the mass culture...

5. Monster. It took some serious gobs of makeup and inventive hairstyling to make Christina Ricci and Charlize Theron unattractive, but somehow the sex scene survives. Perhaps this is due to the previous scene, one of our favorite romantic moments on screen, in which the stars awkwardly discover each other while rollerskating and continue making out with extreme giddiness even as the crowd becomes nauseated. (And to the strains of "Don't Stop Believin''" to boot!)

4. Desert Hearts. Thanks to a nomination in our first Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes post, we've decided to include this cult classic (sex scene) in the followup, although we're not sure this is the hottest of the films two sex scenes. (If anyone finds an embeddable or even a linkable version of the other sex scene in the film, we'll take a look.)

3. Wild Side. Anne Heche is so believably lesbian in this sex scene with the great and sorely missed Joan Chen, it's no surprise she played gay in real life for a few years after. Once you've had Joan... you can't go bone? Something like that... anyway, enjoy:

2. Lost and Delirious. By special request, we've included this very, very sexy scene here-- only because it's able to overcome the whiny and distracting soundtrack tune. As Joe Cocker (a porn star name if there ever was one) said at Woodstock, "This title pretty much puts it all into focus."

1. If These Walls Could Talk 2. Again, we can tolerate the soundtrack for the chance to enjoy Michelle Williams and Chloe Sevigny devouring each other, first to a neighbor's delight (or it it horror?) and then to the strains of an obvious Melissa Etheridge song. With or without it, this scene rules.

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Top 5 Celebrities Who May Or May Not Be Attractive: Part One

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 16:43:00 GMT

You ever hear a friend raving and drooling about a celebrity that you check out and say, "Why the hell are you attracted to that person?" (Fess up, Backstreet Boys anti-fans.)

Sometimes it's the media trying to make a hottie out of a starlet or reality show contestant forced on them by an overworked publicist. Or it's a massively successful makeup team turning a Plain Jane/Joe into a model so that the readers of Us Weekly can reassure themselves that they, too, can be prince(sse)s.

First up: the Ladies Edition.

5. Ivanka Trump. The fact that she's even related to the Donald is strike one-- strike two are the similar features to him, which is too creepy for us. Nonetheless, she's classy, self-assured, and apparently without a monstrous ego, which is more than we can say for most people.

4. Angie Stone. Great singer, looks snazzy in a hat, and her music doesn't depress the shit out of us. That's all gotta account for something. But, as with the rest of these choices, we can't decide whether she's attractive or not.

3. Mariah Carey. This would've been a no-brainer if we'd showed a screenshot of her video for the "Fantasy" single (maybe it's being brought up on The Dukes of Hazzard, but we've always had a thing for jean shorts and short shorts), but nowadays, with the fake boobs, terrible movies, and the other fiascos, we're not feelin' it anymore...

2. Nicky Hilton. We're learning toward the "not" on the "Hot or Not" scale of things, but it does help that she has beautiful eyes and is not her sister in almost every imaginable way, which probably makes her more appealing than she would be otherwise.

1. Alanis Morrisette. How many times have you gone out with someone and kept it going because you thought the person was an awesome conversationalist and you didn't want to lose that? That's the likely predicament we'd find ourselves in if we ever ended up dating Alanis-- she's well-read, world weary, and able to hold her own over a couple of vodka cranberry's until the wee hours... which may be why we'd rather best friend her than anything else. (Con: She dated Ryan Reynolds. Ouch.)

(P.S. We didn't include Britney Spears on this list because there's no question that she is not currently appealing on any level.)

What do you think? Are we crazy for not wanting to get it on with all these very pretty women? And who did we miss?

Top photo (of Charlize Theron) via Esquire. By the way, in case you were wondering, Charlize Theron is unquestionably hot.

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While You Were Sleeping: When MySpace Attacks...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 14:52:00 GMT

An eldery woman in Evanston, Illinois couldn't bear to part with her three siblings after their deaths. Turns out, she decided to keep their bodies in her home...and got away with it for a quarter of a century.

Natalie Portman was kinda wasted on the Letterman show the other night.

One of our favorite country music legends has lung cancer...

Country singer Merle Haggard, recently diagnosed with lung cancer, had part of a lung removed and is recovering at home, his spokeswoman said on Sunday. [Yahoo!]

Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson... not totally broken up?

As if MySpace wasn't going downhill already: now it's censoring one of the only pages anyone would ever actually sign in to MySpace to read.

A nationwide protest of California's Proposition 8 will take place on Saturday the 15th. Do not miss this.

And Nicole Kidman is playing "the world's first post-op transsexual," who is married to a woman played by "Charlize Theron." Yum.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes From Bad Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 20:04:00 GMT

If we've learned anything from Hollywood, it's that 30 seconds of sex is enough for people to endure two hours of terrible moviemaking. (Then again, as in the case of The Girl Next Door, if you promise an "unrated" sex movie and deliver no nudity, barely any sex, and two hours of complete crap? You will pay.)

Here are five of our favorites we haven't been able to forget... all from movies we wish we could...

5. Basic Instinct 2. This sex scene is not even in the Top 200 of Good Sex Scenes From Bad Movies, mainly because it's not a good sex scene. It looks like the film was sped up to make it look rougher, faster, and hotter. It only serves to make it look even more idiotic. We're including it here for comic relief. (The clip we're referring to starts at about 1:20.)

4. Friday the 13th. The original put all my friends to sleep at a late-night slumber party when we were kids-- it's that scary. Rent Black Christmas (the original) or even Halloween (also the original) and you'll do much better. But we like this nice little sex scene all the same...

[Click here to watch this scene-- video on autoplay]

3. Reindeer Games. Even Charlize Theron admits this movie sucks. But who doesn't want to see her naked?

2. The Doors. No matter what you think of Oliver Stone and Jim Morrison, you have to admit combining the two should be brilliant... or, at least, the right pairing for a movie. Too bad Stone focused on nothing but the debauchery and made a pointless movie that offered nothing new or interesting about the late singer. That doesn't mean we don't love this ridiculous and ultimately sexy sex scene:

[Click here to watch this scene-- video on autoplay]

1. Original Sin. If not for this "action" sequence, no one would remember Angelina Jolie and Antonio Banderas' theatrical turd. This is the longest scene on this list and the one most likely to have ended up on Skinemax if not for the presence of A-list stars... it's more than 2 minutes long, complete with an obnoxious orchestral score, and is about as soft-core as it gets. Enjoy.

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And Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive Is...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 14:02:00 GMT

Last year, Esquire used the above photo to tantalize readers about its upcoming Sexiest Woman pick. That woman turned out to be Charlize Theron, who doesn't repeat her win in 2008.

...thankfully not Lindsay Lohan. Or even Megan Fox. (Did you miss our announcement yesterday, thanks to Scanner Emily? Don't worry, we reveal it now, with glorious celebratory photos, below.)

Nope, this is a blast from the past, thank God. (Thank God, that is, we actually knew who this woman was before today's revelation...)

According to our friends at CNN.com, the winner had this to say for herself:

"I don't know exactly what it means, but being 42 and having just had a baby, I think I'll take it..."
"Sexiness is a state of mind -- a comfortable state of being," she says. "It's about loving yourself in your most unlovable moments."
"I share this title with every woman, because every woman is a nominee for it at any moment," she says.

Figured it out yet? Too late now, you've probably already peeked below...

No, that's not a young Alicia Keys... that's a wham-bam-thank-you-mam hot Halle Berry almost ruined by Esquire's product placement... but really, has there ever been a photo where Halle Berry didn't look 100% fantastic?

Photos via Just Jared. Story via CNN.

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Who Tops People's Best Dressed List?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 15:35:00 GMT

While we were completely surprised by People Magazine's pick as the Best-Dressed Star of 2008, we completely agree with their choice.

As for the rest, well...

10. Charlize Theron

9. Eva Mendes

8. Michelle Obama

7. Sarah Jessica Parker Broderick Bradshaw

6. Heidi Klum

5. Kate Hudson

4. Anne Hathaway

3. Fergie

2. Gwyneth Paltrow

1. Rihanna

...what do you think?

Via People.

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Sloppy Seconds: Eva Longoria's Lingerie Past

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 21:01:00 GMT

Are you better off now than you were in 1999? We seriously doubt it, although this chart may make you think you're making the same money you were then: nice try, thanks for (not) factoring in cost of living increases, dumbasses.

Charlize Theron at the DNC: No, I won't get married.

Speaking of marriage: Are we upset or could we care less that this movie star got hitched?

Asia Argento has wed in Tuscany, Italy.
The actress married director Michele Civetta on Wednesday in a civil ceremony at the city hall in Arezzo. The 32-year-old daughter of Italian moviemaker Dario Argento was previously engaged to actors Michael Pitt and Vincent Gallo but she never married.

One million new bankruptcies have been filed this week. Just kidding, it was over the last 12 months. Phew!

What does a country gotta indict somebody for in order to get rid of him? Senator Ted Stevens won his primary yesterday.

Today in the Apocalypse: Rat meat is in high demand in Cambodia, thanks to the economy.

Awww, man... the nun beauty pageant has been canceled for the usual, predictable reasons.

You probably heard about Eva Longoria's early forays into lingerie. If that's your kind of thing, you'll definitely want to check out The Superficial's posting of seven-year-old photos, most of which have been virtually unseen, at least on the internet. Here (and above), a taste:

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Sloppy Seconds: The Truth About The "Abusive" Paul McCartney

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 20:51:00 GMT

An earthquake this morning registered 5.4 on the Andy Richter scale and was felt from LA to Vegas and down to Mexico. There were no reported injuries as of post time.

Although he's charged with a DUI, Shia LaBeouf was not at fault for the car crash that flipped his truck. The other driver has been ticketed for running a red light...

PageSix claims Marc Jacobs has wed in Paris... and if you didn't know, he married...

his Brazilian boyfriend in a civil ceremony... which is not legally binding.

Other sources speculate that this is just a decoy move while Jacobs gets married elsewhere, away from the prying press...

Jennifer Aniston, Scarlett Johansson and Charlize Theron are to appear on a breast cancer telethon the night of September 5th.

We couldn't imagine Paul McCartney ever hitting anyone-- shit, could you imagine the guy who wrote "Yesterday" and "Maybe I'm Amazed" getting medieval on anyone? Now, Heather Mills' ex-publicist is speaking out and basically confirming what we suspected all along: the evidence of McCartney abusing his ex-wife was completely fabricated to help the wife's case.

We're pretty sure it's a fake of... something... but WTF is this photo Gawker posted?

You can download the Walkmen's excellent new album for $5, with all of the proceeds going to the cause of one hospitalized baby. The music revolution, indeed.

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Does This Future President Have A Crush?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Which Presidential candidate is keeping up an e-mail correspondence with a busty young Hollywood starlet?

"I am engaged to Barack Obama,” she said back in January... “My heart belongs to Barack.”

Scarlett Johansson, star of will.i.am's famous "Yes, We Can" video for Barack Obama, has been exchanging e-mails with the Presidential candidate. It all started a few months back when she met him at an event:

“The most time I spent with him was the first time I met him, at a private event for supporters,” she said. “After that, it’s been a few minutes here, a few minutes there on the trail.”

They continued their chats by e-mail, starting with some messages from Scarlett congratulaing him on escaping from the ABC debate relatively unscathed. Obama kept writing back.

His replies have been thoughtful, she said, more than a brief line or two; on the ABC debate, he responded that the questioning was “difficult” and he was being pounded on “one silly question after another.”

Johansson is somewhat shocked that he keeps up their back-and-forth correspondence. “You’d imagine that someone like the senator who is constantly traveling and constantly ‘on’ — how can he return these personal e-mails?”

Scarlett-- it's because of your boobs! Duh! Oh, and because it's probably a body person actually writing them, but whatever.

Via Politico: Does this actress have a crush?

Sloppy Seconds: Whose Album is Snoop Dogg Not On?

Emily Farris — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 21:01:00 GMT

Penguin will soon publish a book about the Eliot Spitzer sex scandal. [Yahoo!]

Is Clay Aiken's new song "a cry for homo help?" [Queerty]

Someone forgot to tell our bank account that the economy is flourishing. (P.S. Bloggers don't get the $600 check.) [Wonkette]

Sienna Miller wants someone to put a baby in her, right now. [People]

Casting directors are looking for a pregnant Charlize Theron look-a-like. [MollyGood]

Paula Abdul critiqued two of a performer's songs on American Idol last night. Problem is, he only sang one. [Us Weekly]

"Twilight" author Stephanie Meyer will release her first adult sci-fi novel "The Host" next week. [Yahoo!]

Could it be true? Is Snoop Dogg collaborating with Lindsay Lohan on her next album? We keep forgetting she's a "singer." [FOX]

Catheinize Zightly-Jeliens Hotter, M0re We1rdly Familiar Than Carlizina Jolectron

Bryan Christian — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 15:00:00 GMT

A few weeks back, Scanner Nicole was quite rightly freaked the fuck out by a computer generated amalgam of foxy actress ladies. (Remember? She looked like an unattractive and skanky version of the in-reality-quite-adorable Polish goomar from The Sopranos?) Well, ScanNic, have a look at the creation of Catheinize Zightly-Jeliens, the bastard child of Catherine Zeta-Jones, Charlize Theron, Angelina Jolie, Keira Knightley, some sort of computer apparatus, and, one presumes, a deeply misused but potentially profitable knowledge of the tricks of the trade. We think she looks pretty good, actually. Actually, she kind of reminds us of someone... Who exactly could it be...

Guess that's not so surprising...

Did You Know This About Charlize Theron? We Think You Did.

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 21:07:00 GMT

The secret is out and the verdict is in, ladies and gents. Charlize Theron is Esquire magazine's Sexiest Woman Alive. Go ahead and read Tom Chiarella's lingering, voyeuristic screenplay-style article about her sexiness and dream that one day you, too, could be an Esquire features writer and have the chance to see the sexiest woman alive rub her belly up close and in person at the Chateau Marmont. If any crew deserves some face time with the Theron, it's you all. You called it from the get go. Smart Scannerites that you are. Well done.