Scanner : circumcision

Sloppy Seconds: Snipped Here, Screwed There

Emily Farris — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 23:18:00 GMT

Do you drunk text even though you shouldn't because it always ends badly? Yeah, so do we. Perhaps that's why we're so amused by Texts From Last Night, a new website that encourages you to submit those drunken texts you sent or received. [TFLN]

A small earthquake hit the Bay Area today. [The Inquisitr]

John Mayer would like everyone to know that he is very single. [Us]

And Miley Cyrus would like you to know that she is not dating Nick Jonas. [People]

Melissa Keeton and Shelly Wolfe were issued the first same-sex marriage license in Iowa today, after the state legalized gay marriage earlier this month. [USA Today]

Some guy we've never heard of is TIME's most influential person of the year. Turns out that though we've never heard of him we were sort-of influenced by him. [TIME]

Watch the trailer for "Partly Private," a documentary about how we view circumcision in the Western World. [Partly Private]

We've probably paid more in fees to Bank of America than we made last year. If you have too, you should tell your story to the SEIU. [ScrewedbyBofA.org]

And that picture had nothing to do with anything in this post. We just thought it was too hilarious to pass up. [Defamer]

The Best of the April Fool's Day Sex News

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:11:00 GMT

This year's April Fool's Day definitely topped 2008 for sheer ridiculous fake sex news.

Here are a few of our favorites, not including the Gmail Autopilot helper that Colleen and I both linked to earlier...

The best part is, that British MPs story is definitely true.

MSNBC ran a story that we immediately called bullshit on, but on reflection, it turns out it's probably at least partly factual:

Dr. Wang jokes with the new parents a bit and then says, "I understand you may want to have a circumcision for your baby."
Larry and Joy don't answer immediately. At last Larry says, "Well ... we don't know."

Dr. Wang smiles. He's familiar with the befuddled expression on Larry's face.

Circumcision, of course, is the surgical removal of the penile foreskin from the glans — the fleshy crown of the penis. It is one of the most commonly performed procedures in American hospitals, and except for abortion, it may be the most controversial. The procedure has long been known to reduce the spread of a few rare, serious diseases, and to prevent a few annoying, uncomfortable ones. But in 1999, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) determined that the risk of surgical complications, though small, nearly canceled out the benefits...

A Google search for a Dr. Wang at Massachusetts General turns up several ancient article hits, so he's probably real. But that doesn't mean a story about a "Dr. Wang" and his penis obsession doesn't ring false on a day like today...

By far the best goof of the day and without a doubt the most interesting story we've come across in ages is actually a true story (we think) of the life of Alan Abel, a semi-unknown prankster, as reported in Esquire. In addition to being the first person ever to have his obituary retracted by the New York Times, he is known for incredible stunts like staging a mass-fainting epidemic in the audience of a live Phil Donahue Show taping and starting both the Society for Indecency to Naked Animals, which kickstarted a popular (though fake) movement to put pants on farm animals and pets, and most famous of all, Citizens Against Breastfeeding.

But we remember these from the interview:

ESQ: In 1994, you went on The Jenny Jones Show with an actress playing your wife, and she said she had glued your penis to your butt while you were sleeping. Was Jenny Jones in on that?

AA: Oh no, not at all. At first, she was furious, and then they got this great exposé in the Washington Post and they were so pleased. The show was repeated over and over. The same thing happened when HBO did a documentary on male genitalia called Private Dicks Exposed. They had an 800 number and they said in the ad, "If you're interested in talking about your private parts, call," so I did. I figured all these guys were going to call in to brag about their size. So I said I was the smallest in the world. One inch, erect. And they said: "You're on the show!"

ESQ: Didn't they ever ask to see your goods?

AA: They did, when they were interviewing me for the documentary. The director said, "Everyone's taken their clothes off except you, Bruce." There were about twenty-five people on the crew, including some very attractive ladies, and I said, "Only if we can have group sex after the wrap." They said no. So I didn't have to take off my shorts.

As we said, this is a must-read.

Related:

Gmail's April Fool's Prank Helps You End Lame Relationships

New York Times: Iraq War Ends

A History of MIT Pranks, In Glorious Pictures...

People are Jokesters Today!

While You Were Sleeping: Miley Cyrus Dies in A Freak Car Accident

While You Were Sleeping: Oprah's School's Sex Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

Attention, ladies: Gerard Butler's next movie features the actor in a nude scene.

Bruno has been slapped with an NC-17 rating for pervasive sexxx.

Josh Hartnett is in the hospital for stomach pains. Cue gerbil allegations in three, two...

The weirdest (but maybe most interesting) story in ages: the woman who starved her 1-year-old son to death because her cult would not let the boy eat unless he said "Amen" pled guilty in the most unusual plea deal we've ever heard of. Prosecutors claim that the only way they could get her to take the deal was to promise-- and this they had to do in open court-- that, should the child be resurrected (as his mother claims he will one day), the charges are withdrawn. God bless Baltimore, baby.

A boy (age unknown) won a $2.3 million negligence settlement against the physician who botched his circumcision. I wouldn't do it for anything less than moving the decimal point two places to the right.

Oprah Winfrey's famous South African school is seeing its second sex scandal in as many years.

Sarah Palin has to pick a Democrat to fill a state Senate seat in Alaska. So, of course, she has a Republican switch his voter registration, say that there was something "wrong" with it, and take the seat. This is totally excusable politics, except for the fact that they're so sneaky and lie about their reasoning, the Democrats who have to accept this will never do it. Can Governor Palin do anything right?

A bunch of Somali pirates attacked... a decoy ship filled with troops looking for pirates to capture. Nice.

And Holly Madison claims to have insisted on "minimal" Photoshopping at Playboy during her time there.

Prevent HPV With...You Know What

Emily Farris — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 22:51:00 GMT

Ugh. The human papillomavirus. You probably know it as HPV and also as that annoying virus that you have or probably will contract at some point in your sexually active life.

More than 100 strains of the virus have been identified and 30 to 40 are constantly being passed around the sexually active population in the United States. If you've had lots of sex with lots of partners, it's quite possible you have, at one time or another, contracted at least one strain of HPV. The virus can and often does leave your body, but some forms stick around and cause warts and others can lead to cancer—most notably cervical cancer in women.

Unfortunately, condoms can't always protect against it and while little is known about the risk factors associated with HPV in men, a new study purports that there is one way to decrease a man's chances of contracting HPV.

Circumcision.

To investigate, they followed 285 men for about 18 months, testing for HPV every 6 months. Overall, 29 percent of the men became infected with the virus over 1 year; 19 percent acquired an HPV strain linked to cancer.

Men who said they'd had more than 16 sex partners had about three times the HPV risk of those with fewer sex partners. They were also nearly 10 times more likely to contract a potentially cancer-causing strain.

When it came to HPV clearance, circumcision appeared beneficial, the researchers found.

Circumcised men were three times more likely to clear any type of HPV infection by the end of the follow-up period and six times more likely to clear a cancer-linked HPV strain.

The reasons for these findings are not clear, according to Giuliano and her colleagues. It's possible, they suggest, that circumcised men are less likely to get skin abrasions during sex, which might mean that fewer HPV particles enter their bodies.

However, the article does not state how many of the men were wearing condoms, if any. Our limited medical expertise leads us to believe that if there's a condom involved, it wouldn't really matter if the man was circumcised or not. But what do we know? (Not much).

[FOXNews: Study: Circumcision May Protect Men From HPV]

Related:

Are Too Few Baby Boys Being Circumcised?

Reversing That Circumcision Even Scarier Than You Thought

You're Circumcised? Well, That Explains It...

Are Too Few Baby Boys Being Circumcised?

Emily Farris — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 21:29:00 GMT

According to new research, the number of baby boys being circumcised in the U.S. is dropping. While critics of circumcision may think this is a good thing, the reason behind the drop may not be.

Circumcision rates have decreased significantly since the 1980s, partially due to the fact that many people find the procedure cruel and unnecessary, but in part the drop can be attributed to the fact that 16 states do not currently cover the cost of a circumcision in their Medicad programs. According to some, this is taking the choice away from the poor.

Robert C. Bailey, a professor of epidemiology at the University of Illinois at Chicago, thinks that "It's another way in which our health system is increasing inequality across the population. People who can't afford good health care are essentially being discriminated against by this policy."

The states that don't cover circumcision are: Arizona, California, Florida, Idaho, Louisiana, Maine, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oregon, Utah and Washington and circumcision rates are "significantly lower" in those states, according to the research.

[US News & World Report: Circumcision Rates Too Low]

Related:

Reversing That Circumcision Even Scarier Than You Thought

You're Circumcised? Well, That Explains It...

Baby Born With Extra Penis, Parents Have it Removed Why?

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Reversing That Circumcision Even Scarier Than You Thought

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 17:03:00 GMT

Details just published a harrowing and, admittedly, compulsively readable piece on guys who attempt to regain the penises they were given at birth.

We're talking about their uncircumcised penises, of course. Methods for rolling back the clock to the moment before the blade include surgery and foreskin-stretching products... and the results are surprisingly without side effects...

As a fitness trainer and former professional boxer, Jonathan understood that with patience and hard work the body can be transformed. So he went online and purchased a device called the TLC Tugger. Jonathan is now eight months into a two-to-four-year foreskin-stretching process using the device. He wears it around the clock—except when making love with his wife or going through airport security. He attaches it by placing one cone, which has a metal loop on the end, over the head of his penis; rolling his excess shaft skin over the cone; securing a second cone, with an opening at the top, snugly over that skin; attaching an elastic band to the loop; and finally strapping the band around his knee. The contraption, which pulls gently and steadily downward, has lengthened Jonathan's new "foreskin" so that it now extends halfway over the head of his penis. Millimeter by millimeter, he's re-creating what he was given at birth—and what was taken from him. He already feels like a new man. "I always thought my penis was totally sensitive and fine," he says. "It's one of those things—you can't know it until you know it. And I didn't know what I was missing."

If we hadn't read testimonials like this in national magazines, we'd assume, as we do for all dick-altering products, that TLC Tugger and other foreskin-restoring products are total scams. But what if Jonathan is just feeling the effects of the device itself and that his skin actually hasn't been changed at all? And what about the guy who goes for the surgery? What happens to that crazy bastard?

Ben (his name has been changed), an electrician from Lynchburg, Virginia, from going under Reed's knife five years ago, at the age of 38. Ben had wanted to restore his foreskin ever since he was a teenager, when he became aware that his penis had not always been circumcised. Angry and disillusioned, he eagerly plunked down $7,600 to get his foreskin back. "It is impossible to re-create what was destroyed, but I'm happy with the surgery," he says.

For almost eight grand? You better be more than happy-- you better be a fucking porn star now to have earned that back. Would anyone out there plunk down that kind of cash for a slightly better sex life?

(Here's the whole Details story, by the way.)

Related:

You're Circumcised? Well, That Explains It...

While You Were Sleeping: Will Smith's Milestone

Baby Born With Extra Penis, Parents Have it Removed Why?

Don't Try This at Home: Penis Cream to Prevent the Transmission of HIV

The Most Physically Painful Movie Title Ever

You're Circumcised? Well, That Explains It...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 14:12:00 GMT

"Ladies, have you been having trouble with your heterosexual sex life?

"Then you need to try... uncircumcised!" Seriously, a new study by The International Coalition for Genital Integrity (it sounds like a bad Sacha Baron Cohen pitch) says that circumcised guys are statistically proven to be less spectacular in the orgasm-inducing department...

Here's what we mean:

"During intercourse, the skin of an intact penis slides up and down the shaft, stimulating the glans and the nerves of the inner and outer foreskin. On the outstroke, the glans is partially or completely engulfed by the foreskin with more skin remaining inside the vagina than is the case with the circumcised penis. This `valve' mechanism is thought to retain the natural lubrication provided by the female because the bunched up skin acts to block the lubrication escaping from the vagina, which results in dryness."

Thank you, Doctor Obvious.

The study goes on to explain that

reduced female arousal and fewer female orgasms may be linked to women having sex with circumcised male partners. Women reported they were about twice as likely to experience orgasm if their male partner had a foreskin.
Nine out of ten women prefer having sex with intact men, the study finds.

Uh oh, American dudes. Seven out of ten of you are circumcised... could this explain the (mass) sexual problems everyone out there seems to be having? (We'll reserve comment on our sex lives and circumcision/non-circumcision for TMI reasons.) Anyway, we'd like both sexes to weigh in... is this study bullshit or is it hitting the nail on the, um, head?

Full story via Health Central.

Related:

Help! The Giant Penis Man Needs You!

Artist's Penis Commits World's Largest Indecent Exposure

You Asked for a Penis Poll, You Got It

UPDATE: A Plethora of Penis Photos

Cosmo Names The Sexiest Man In the Universe...

While You Were Sleeping: Will Smith's Milestone

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:22:00 GMT

Poor Natalie Portman. She moved from New York to LA to be with Devendra Banhart, only to see the relationship fall apart.

Check out the full clip of John McCain turning Letterman down yesterday to "rush back to Washington"... and ending up on another CBS show.

We thought about not telling you about this one...

A man who woke up from a circumcision procedure to discover his penis had been cut off is suing doctors.
Philip Seaton went to be circumcised at a hospital in Louisville, Kentucky last October, but awoke to find his penis had been amputated.
He also said he has lost the enjoyment of life, according to the lawsuit.

Some of our readers don't enjoy the comedy of Wanda Sykes. They obviously didn't see her on Leno the other night.

Philadelphia exploded a suspicious package... of hot dogs.

The serial killer who bumped off approximately 23 people, many of them gay men, in the parishes of southern Louisiana was sentenced to eight consecutive life terms.

Can you believe that Will Smith turns 40 today?

And Jenna Jameson is pregnant with twins. And no, the father is not some random co-star, okay?

Teen Sex Most Popular In Kentucky... And Other Global Sex Trends

Ex-Candidate For Kentucky Gov. Arrested For Sex Offenses After Obvious Joke

This Week In Gayness: Discriminated By McDonald's

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Baby Born With Extra Penis, Parents Have it Removed Why?

Emily Farris — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:43:00 GMT

If the ever-so-reputable Sun is to be believed, a baby in China was born with an extra penis on his back before his parents had it removed.

As much as we would love for this story to be true (think of the porn star name possibilities: Bare Back Baby?!), we unfortunately have to call bullshit on this story. Please let us draw your attention to Exhibit A.

Exhibit A:

First, The Sun describes this condition as "fetus in fetu," which, according to Wikipedia, is "a developmental abnormality in which a fetus gets enveloped inside its twin and an entire living organ system with torso and limbs can develop inside the host." The photos of fetus in fetu we found online were not this pretty. Photoshop much?

Second, the tiny extra peen appears to have been circumcised. This is a problem because 1. as far as our Google search allows us to know, circumcision is not very common and China, and 2. even if it was, why would parents have an extra penis circumcised only to have it removed?

Here's hoping a baby really is born with a penis on his back someday and grows up to become the greatest porn star of all time (maybe his debut film will be called "Piggy Back Ride?").

[The Sun: Baby Born With Penis on Back]

Related:

Babies at Babeland: Wrong for So Many Reasons

They Are What You Eat: Diets Can Change A Baby's Sex

Pretty Soon We'll All Have Boy AND Girl Parts

Jenna Jameson Wants a Baby In Her. Right Now.

China's Amazing Penis Restaurant

The Most Physically Painful Movie Title Ever

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Like you, we're on every mailing list that could possibly tell us what's going on this weekend and presumably make us cooler than everyone else. Once in a while, this can backfire. Besides receiving over 900 e-mails per weekday, we often have to ask ourselves why we still subscribe to mailing lists from organizations that have no common sense...

"Cut: Slicing Through the Myths of Circumcision" is a title almost too painful to type... and it's the name of a movie playing at Manhattan's Jewish Community Center on Tuesday. Ouch. Just check out the description below... our balls retracted violently at the mere mention of "cutting edge research." Ow. Ow. Ow.

Here are the rest of our nominees for most painful movie title in history. Can you think of other ones we may have missed?

Octopussy
Shaft Goes To Africa
The Hudsucker Proxy (perhaps the next "Santorum," a.k.a. made-up dirty sex phrase?)
Free Willy
Bend It Like Beckham (We'd never heard of David Beckham when this came out, so we thought it meant... you know...)
Death Bed: The Bed That Eats
How To Stuff A Wild Bikini (insert imagined comment "I'd know how to stuff that bikini" here...)
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium (yuck-- we don't want to know what's in this obviously old-perv's closet)
and, for shits, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!

And from the JCC e-mail:

Film: Cut: Slicing Through the Myths of Circumcision

Dir. Eliyahu Ungar-Sargon (70 min, USA, 2007)
A new documentary examining male circumcision from a religious, scientific and ethical perspective. Using cutting-edge research, in addition to interview footage of rabbis, philosophers, and scientists, Cut challenges the viewers to confront their biases by asking difficult questions about this long-standing practice.

Tue, Mar 25, 7:30 PM
$8/$10, EFFCUT00W8