Scanner : colbert report

Jon Stewart Talks Rupert Murdoch, Calls Him Boring, A "14-Year-Old Girl"

Scanner Matt — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:12:00 GMT

We haven't showed a Daily Show clip in a while, so what the hell. Here's Stewart chatting about the new Rupert Murdoch biography and how unimpressed he is with the infamous media tyrant, who is angling to go down (with the newspaper) as the last great newspaper man.

Biographer Michael Wolff still seems residually starstruck by the subject of his nonfiction narrative and calls Murdoch the most powerful man on the planet.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Michael Wolff

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Best Naked Music Video of the Year

Is Canada Falling Apart? When In Doubt, Ask Jon Stewart

Stewart Goes After Huckabee Over Gay Marriage

Scanner Matt — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 16:16:00 GMT

These are the clips you'll be watching twenty or thirty years from now. They'll be edited as scenes and sound bites into documentaries and mainstream news stories the way old footage of the first civil rights movement is still very present in the media today.

So who wants to be the asshole who preached "separate but equal" again, only to look like an ignorant hate-monger a few decades later? Bigoted born-again Fred Flinstone does.

Jon Stewart must be having one hell of a week. We can't stop posting clips from The Daily Show, but we promise this will be the last one of the year (The Daily Show is on hiatus until 2009).

Is it us or does Mike Huckabee look like he was molded by the creators of Gumby? His clay skin, the odd way he expresses himself with his prominent eyes, that creepy laugh...

Watch Stewart enlighten Mr. God.:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Pt. 2

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

eHarmony, Let The Gays Begin!

Sloppy Seconds: Jerry Lewis Continues to Hate on the Gays

RIP Newspapers

Scanner Matt — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:50:00 GMT

We apologize for yet another Daily Show segment, but this short video seems to wrap up the fate of gray paper with words printed on it. Take a moment of silence in your blog hopping out of respect for the death of palpable journalism then laugh at this funny video.

We're not sure if the death of the newspaper is truly upon us (yet) or if the age-old news source will just restructure itself according to modern times, but as always the wacky fake anchorman, Stewart, raises interesting questions with his basic cable charm and blue state wit.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Clusterf#@k to the Poor House - Final Edition Edition

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Related:

Presidents Who Smoke: A Photo History

Is this guy the Barack Obama of the GOP? Um, no.

**Bush: "People Voted For Barack Obama Because of Me" No sh*t!**

Top 10 Celebrities Who Are Probably Cool In Real Life

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 19:21:00 GMT

Feel free to weigh in and add your own... especially if you can correct (or add) based on personal experience...

10. Neil Young-- because of-- or in spite of-- the fact that he is obsessed with model trains

9. Heidi Klum-- showing us her ass bruise yesterday is what got us thinking about this list in the first place

8. Anthony Bourdain-- the only man who works in a kitchen that we probably couldn't take in a fight... but he wouldn't start one with us... because he's cool like that

7. Simon Cowell-- once he steps out of character, he might be a pretty good wingman... same with Ryan Seacrest (just kidding!)

6. Elvis Costello-- if you've seen him in concert recently, you know he still has the same energy and kickass attitude that seemed so fresh in 1976

5. Bill Clinton-- unless, of course, you have a busty blond with you, hanging out with Bill Clinton is rumored to be a great time, where dirty jokes are always welcome... as long as they don't involve "interns"

4. David Bowie-- then again, David Bowie could sneer at us and it would kind of awesome

3. Wanda Sykes-- now here's somebody who you actually wouldn't mind it if she were "on" all the damn time

2. The dudes from Flight of the Conchords

1. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert (tie)-- this we know from reliably sources... and, because, if they weren't cool in real life, it would break out poor widdle liberal hearts...

Also, a good way to tell if a celebrity might be an all right person in real life is to scan through this page of stories from waiters all over the country. They weight on whether a celebrity was a great tipper (Bill Murray, Joe Pesci, Stevie Nicks) or one who ordered "many bottles of wine" and still stiffed the help (Don Henley, big surprise.)

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: What Did Tina Fey Lose at the Emmys?

John Mayer And TMZ Make A Funny Video: "Do You Love Celebrities? I Sure Have."

What Celebrities Would Look Like if They Moved to Missouri

11 Celebrities at Their Poignantly Drunkest

Sloppy Seconds: Woman Who Delivered Baby In Car For VP?

While You Were Sleeping: Posing Nude For Fun Or Charity

While You Were Sleeping: Olympic Mania

EXCLUSIVE: Toby Keith Worships Satan, Ted Nugent, And Lynch Mobs

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 15:57:00 GMT

Toby Keith, America's highest-rated terrorist, is sending the liberal blogs into a tither after his appearance on the Colbert Report last night.

And it isn't even for anything he said-- actually, it's for a song he's been singing for years and which was a smash hit single after 9/11, containing lyrics that most thinking people would find insane and dangerous had they not been avoiding country music radio since 1976...

Why Stephen Colbert, who out of character is a practicing liberal and would never be caught dead allowing a person like Toby Keith to get away with ruining what little is left of this country's well-being, should allow this guy to sing this song, "Beer For My Horses" (God, what a cheesy ass song, not even including its cultural ignorance) and not goof on him mercilessly is beyond us:

Grandpappy told my pappy back in my day, son
A man had to answer for the wicked that he'd done
Take all the rope in Texas
Find a tall oak tree, round up all of them bad boys
Hang them high in the street
For all the people to see

Yo, that's about lynching, okay? Not cool, Colbert! Why didn't you attack him on that? As Max Blumenthal pointed out at the HuffPo:

During the days when Toby Keith's "Grandpappy" stalked the Jim Crow South, lynching was an institutional method of terror employed against blacks to maintain white supremacy. According to the Tuskegee Institute, between the years 1882 and 1951, 3,437 African-Americans were lynched in the United States, mostly in the heart of Dixie. Felonious assault and rape (read: corrupting "the flower of white womanhood") were the two most frequent justifications for lynch mob actions.
Georgia was ground zero for lynch mob activity. Though most of the Peach State's victims were black, one of its most high-profile hangings claimed the life of a Jew, Leo Frank. Frank, a college-educated Northerner, was wrongly convicted in 1913 of murdering a 13-year-old girl after a show trial in which his prosecutor portrayed him to a grand jury as a bisexual pervert. Before the trial, one juror remarked, "If I get on that jury, I'll hang that Jew for sure."

You can imagine what happened to Frank and others like him, in Keith's glorious, Hitler-esque vision of the South. By the way, if Toby Keith loves lynching, then we can also correctly assume he worships Satan, who is a big fan of eye-for-an-eye anarchic lawlessness, and Ted Nugent, who is a racist pigporker and will kill us all with his 2,227 guns.

PS. Besides being a world-class shitbag, Toby Keith is also a talentless wanker we'd easily take in a fight, with a Guantanamo hood over our heads... bring it on, indeed.

Via the Huffington Post.

Top 5 Sexiest Daily Show Moments

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:48:00 GMT

Don't miss Ed Helms teabagging Tom Cruise! Or the moment Kristen Schaal realizes she'll have to remove all of her clothing. Or... well, we don't want to ruin #1 for you...

We're really surprised Comedy Central bucked the censors and allowed correspondent Ed Helms to attach a nut-cam to himself. (Yes, we're kidding. Not about the nut-cam, though. Check that out.)

Is it wrong to drool over a piece on sexism?

Well, if nothing else, Stephen Colbert can write for the Penthouse Letters column after Fox buys Comedy Central. This is one of our favorite Daily Show clips of all time-- watch as both Colbert and Jon Stewart lose their shit toward the end...

Gay hockey players, boob flashes, grab ass... this one's got it all.

And now... your Moment of Zen.

Well, there you have it: our five favorite sexy moments from The Daily Show. Check out the full list of 25 on the Comedy Central blog, which includes some shots of Jon Stewart that make him look ten years younger.

Oh shit, has he been on that long already?

Related:

Who Would You Rather: Stephen Colbert vs. Jon Stewart?

Video of the Day: Rush Plays Rush... In Rock Band

Funniest, Most Cringe-Worthy Video of the Day

Jon Stewart As Guest Blogger (In A Roundabout Way)

Colbert: Kids Are A Bunch Of Fruits

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 19:36:00 GMT

On last night's Colbert Report, sexy Stephen ranted about the latest indignity: fruit has overtaken cookies as the number one snack food for kids.

Then came one of the great cameos in the show's history... the perfect video ending to your week. Mmmm... cookie!

Top 10 Colbert Jokes That Put This Year's White House Correspondents' Dinner To Shame

Katie Halper — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 15:14:00 GMT

Call us old fashioned, but this year's White House Correspondents' Dinner made us nostalgic for 2006. Craig Furgeson delivered some OK funny lines, telling Bush “You could look for a job with more vacation time” and saying Cheney “is already moving out of his residence. It takes longer than you think to pack up an entire dungeon.” But it was nothing like the night when Steven Colbert changed WHCD history by roasting the *&^$ out of Bush and the press. So for old time's sake, let us wax poetic with the top 10 most brilliant moments from Steven Colbert's WHCD speech:

By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.
I stand by this man. I stand by this man, because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things, things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo-ops in the world.
I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq. I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible. I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical! And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior. Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it’s yogurt. But I refuse to believe it’s not butter.
Most of all, I believe in this president. Now, I know there are some polls out there saying that this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don’t pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in “reality.” And reality has a well-known liberal bias. So, Mr. President, please… don’t pay attention to the approval ratings that say that 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he’s not doing? Think about it. I haven’t…
The greatest thing about this man is he’s steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man’s beliefs never will.
And as excited as I am to be here with the President, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of FOX News. FOX News gives you both sides of every story: the President’s side, and the Vice President’s side. But the rest of you, what are you thinking? Reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they’re super-depressing. And if that’s your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good, over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn’t want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.
But, listen, let’s review the rules. Here’s how it works. The President makes decisions. He’s the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put ‘em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration? You know, fiction!
And then you [the press] write, “Oh, they’re just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.” First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring! If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!
John McCain is here. John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn’t a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There’s no predicting him. By the way, Senator McCain, it’s so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I’ve actually got a summer house in South Carolina. Look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you’ve seen the light, sir.
Mayor Nagin! Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I’d like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center and a graham cracker crust of corruption. It’s a Mallomar, I guess, is what I’m describing, is a Mallomar. It’s a seasonal cookie.