Scanner : congress

Word of the Day: Gerontosexuality

Emily Farris — Fri, 01 May 2009 21:05:00 GMT

Ever heard of gerontosexuality? Neither had we until Congressman Alcee Hastings went before the House yesterday to voice support for the Local Law Enforcement Hate Prevention Act of 2009. The bill would expand a federal law that includes protections for hate crimes. But, as us word nerds know, you can't write a bill about crimes and fetishes you don't have names for so Hastings was forced to do a little edumacatin'.

In addition to gerontosexuality, Congress had the pleasure of learning about Apotemnophilia, Coprophilia, frotteurism and Klismaphilia, among other things.

Gerontosexuality is the distinct preference for sexual relationships primarily or exclusively with an elderly partner, Apotemnophilia is the erotic interest in being or looking like an amputee, Coprophilia is the paraphilia involving sexual pleasure from feces, Klismaphilia (sometimes spelled Klysmaphilia) is a paraphilia involving enemas, and frotteurism is a specific paraphilia which involves the non-consensual rubbing against another person to achieve sexual arousal. (er, surprise dry humping?)

Here, maybe Hastings can explain it all a little better.

Or maybe not. A for effort, anyway.

Related:

Shocker! Old People Are Still Alive.

Larry Flynt is a Press-Seeking Liar or: I Can Write More than 300 Words at a Time

[Via The Inquisitr]

While You Were Sleeping: Post-Sex Guilt

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 13:52:00 GMT

Larry Craig, age four.

Loony Michele Bachman of Loony Minnesota (just kidding, although see above) knows there are exactly 17 socialists in Congress. You know, back in the day, we ran Joe McCarthy out of town with smarter quips than that.

Does your male lover suffer from "post-sex guilt?"

The White House is under attack! By bees.

Ah, yes, another crazy white supremacist with a firearm. Wonders never cease.

Britney Spears had this advice for her audience, generally made up of young girls and their patient mothers: "Don't smoke weed. Rock out with your cocks out. Peace, motherfuckers!"

Controversial (and therefore great) filmmaker Kirby Dick follows up his anti-MPAA movie "This Film Is Not Rated" with a movie that attempts to expose closeted American political figures.

Farrah Fawcett is well enough to leave the hospital.

Just in time for Easter, the Nestle's Chocolate Milk thief has struck again in Congress.

And Sony wants to put its movies on YouTube for free. We'll believe it when we get to the end credits.

While You Were Sleeping: Britney's In Prison

While You Were Sleeping: Joining the Mile High Club

Britney Spears Suffers From A Vagina Slip

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's Topless Problem

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 21:39:00 GMT

PETA is now protesting seal clubbing... in World of Warcraft.

We don't think this is the same story about a man having his penis bitten off (by another man!) that we told you about already. In this story, the attacker... swallowed.

Samantha Ronson has asked for a restraining order against Lindsay Lohan.

Great, we already own all these damn Beatles albums. Does that mean we'll get the remastered ones for free?

Man, some people will do anything for web traffic. Here's a really ridiculous Down Shirt (the new Upskirt?) on Taylor Swift. Good Lord, she's only 18, people...

Members of Congress met with Raul Castro in Havana today.

A guy who works for Focus on the Family in Colorado has been arrested for talking dirty with a 15-year-old girl, who was actually undercover cops.

The Bush shoe thrower's sentenced has been reduced and he'll be out of jail next year.

And Amy Winehouse went streaking "through a hotel after being told to cover up." Guests were shocked to see her racing by them in the nude, but they shouldn't have been surprised unless they didn't know she was staying there.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse is "Back in the Saddle"

While You Were Sleeping: Diablo Cody's Super Porno Limo Rides

Amy Winehouse, Topless Again, Stars in Her Most Bizarre Adventure Yet

At Least Amy Winehouse Has Good Taste in Underwear

While You Were Sleeping: Jennifer Aniston Milking It

While You Were Sleeping: Blake Fielder-Civil's 16-Year-Old Girlfriend?

While You Were Sleeping: Fake Boobs, Fake ID

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

The continued success of National Public Radio proves that there are at least a handful of people out there still interested in brain stimulation.

Margaret Cho on Margaret Cho and her Cho Show.

Condoleeza Rice started to climb out of her shell on Leno, discussing Led Zeppelin and Obama...

The worst story of the month: a man claims his mother died when a police officer stalled the man's hospital trip to write a ticket.

Thanks to Behrooz for reminding us about the woman who used a fake ID to pay for fake boobs. Not much can be said about that.

Is this the best Mike Huckabee quote ever? "When it abolished slavery, the U.S. debated and decided it was immoral for one person to have complete, life-or-death power over another." Obviously, Huckabee is against the death penalty... right?

A Congressional candidate announced via Twitter.

We understand why it's on the market, but we're still uncomfortable with it.

Jennifer Hudson will have her revenge on American Idol.

And there's no story to go with the above photo. We just assumed you would appreciate it.

While You Were Sleeping: Carrie Underwood's Dress Was Too Short

Today in WTF: Man Has Sex with or in a Dumpster

While You Were Sleeping: The Rihanna Nightmare Continues

While You Were Sleeping: More Grey's Anatomy Turmoil

Happy Abstinence-Only Education Day!

Colleen Kane — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:25:00 GMT

The National Abstinence Education Association is lobbying on Capitol Hill all day today, seeking continued funding for their ineffective, inaccurate, and downright dangerous agenda.

You know what we say here at Scanner, as does Sarah Palin's daughter Trapper Keeper (or whatever her name is): Abstinence -only education makes the belly grow rounder. If you agree, here's what you can do today to fight the power.

Send a letter to your representatives in seconds using this form on Amplify Your Voice.

Related:

Sex Ed is Rotten in the State of Texas

Abstinence-Only Education Doesn't Work

Abstinence-Only Tip Of The Week: A cup of Bleach A Day Keeps The AIDS Away

via Feministing

Sloppy Seconds: Chris Brown's Mystery Woman Revealed

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 21:58:00 GMT

Hillary Clinton told everyone about falling in love with Bill Clinton. Of course, they only want to hear about how she fell out of love with Bill Clinton.

By the way, where did Rielle Hunter get the name Frances Bean from?

Young women mistakenly think men want potential female partners to drink them under the table. Got that?

Is the future of the conservative movement this woman? Whatever it is, we're getting tired of hearing that its next round of leaders are all women. After all, every one of them turns out to be a porn star (Stormy Daniels, Sarah Palin, and this Russian woman-- just check out that tiny photo near the top.)

Sienna Miller and Keira Knightley will battle for the love of Dylan Thomas in a new film. Winner, no matter what the historical evidence: Knightley.

A guy claims he successfully shipped himself from NYC to Vegas. We'd almost care except... he's a magician.

It always surprises us to see people driving along without a care in the world when their cars are wobbling violently from a flat tire. Turns out, they're probably wasted.

Why has it taken Congress so long to do anything to protect whistleblowers? What year did the Pentagon Papers come out again?

And the other woman in the Chris Brown-Rihanna story is revealed to be... his manager. (He may have had an affair with her at 16, Rihanna may have hit first, and a million other drops of bullshit that don't change the fact that he needs prison time.)

Woman Leads Cops Right to Her Liaison with Previous Victim

The UK Babies Having Babies Plot Thickens

Keira Knightley's Latest Nude Scene Kinda Puts Us To Sleep

Germany's Biggest Sex Scandal Comes To A Stunning Conclusion

While You Were Sleeping: If Even Apple Is In Trouble..

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 14:08:00 GMT

On this radio show discussing Obama having a beer at an NBA game, does it mean anything that some of these callers are against it?

Oh no... what we've always feared... High School Musical 4.

The last thing you want to do when you're running for public office is get yourself accused of sex crimes.

The cop who saved a bunch of lives in a Utah school shooting has pleaded no contest for having sex with a teenage girl while responding to a 9-1-1 call at her house.

Cook County Commissioner Mike Quigley will likely be the next Congressman from Illinois. Yep, another member of the Illinois government is heading to Washington...

Britney Spears launched her tour last night.

A woman called 9-1-1 three times in a row because her McDonald's didn't have any McNuggets.

Speaking of 9-1-1-- if you have a LG 830 Spyder, you seriously need to drop everything and read this.

Rupert Murdoch had his revenge on his biographer, who may be involved in a sex scandal.

And does it mean anything for the country at large if Apple laid off fifty workers yesterday?

Related:

Facebook is Turning Us Into Big Selfish Babies, or Something

Sloppy Seconds: Kanye West Dresses Better Than the Gays

Top 10 Bands That Twitter

Lily Allen Has Something to Show You

While You Were Sleeping: Clit-Pumpin' Glory

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 14:42:00 GMT

An 83-year-old woman in Hungary warms our hearts by continuing to work in her chosen career: crime.

Amy Fisher is going on that rumored stripping tour.

There's a penis in Grand Theft Auto IV! Guess they have to do something to offset the rampant exploitation of women.

Funniest headline of the day: "'Clinton Lays Out Broad Asian Agenda'. This headline makes sense no matter how you arrange the words."

Try the clit pump-nasal spray combo for mind-blowing female orgasms!

How can you not love Sam Donaldson after this clip from a Wonkette/Gawker interview he did?

Jane's Addiction is back... and Nine Inch Nails says goodbye.

The Democrats in Congress are enjoying a rare boom in popularity thanks to the stimulus.

Check out the hamburger dress. Actually, don't bother.

Yay for Dita Von Teese, who insists she'd chose her stripping career over a man any day.

You should read this MTV story about the Lily Allen-Perez Hilton Twitter spat only because it's hilariously sad.

Related:

Eternal Hardons Landing Men in ER

Bedpost Beta Will Make You Feel Like The Slut You Really Are

No Foreplay For You

I Hate Myself For Loving You: Lily Allen

Pic via Drunken Stepfather

Blog for Choice Today

Emily Farris — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 17:53:00 GMT

Today is the 36th Anniversary of Roe v. Wade and NARAL's National Blog for Choice Day. If you'll recall, last year on this day we blogged about our own experience with choice and this year, NARAL is asking participants to blog about their top pro-choice hope for President Obama and/or the new Congress.

See what Scanner Brian and Scanner Emily had to say after the jump and learn how to sign up.

Scanner Brian: "For the first time in Gonzales versus Carhart," Obama said, "the Supreme Court held—upheld a federal ban on abortions with criminal penalties for doctors. For the first time, the Court's endorsed an abortion restriction without an exception for women's health. The decision presumed that the health of women is best protected by the Court—not by doctors and not by the woman herself. That presumption is wrong."

My hope is that Obama rescinds these restrictions. There is no way you can justify saying that abortion is bad AND a mother should still have the baby even if her life is in danger.

Scanner Emily: I hope that today Obama reverses the "Global Gag Rule," that tomorrow he talks about it using the term "anti-choice" and that going forward he encourages Congress to lift restrictions on female reproductive care for women who have Federally-provided health care. And that's just the beginning. When I lived in New York, my "girl parts" were insured by the state. My girl parts should be insured by every state. Unfortunately, I now live in a state that, like my father, would rather just ignore the fact that I have a vagina.

Add your blog to the Blog for Choice Blogroll.

Related:

Roe v. Wade 35 Years Later

My Obama, My Choice

Abortion Issue Heats Up... For The GOP

Send Flowers to Your Abortion Doctor

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Hudson's Latest Prize

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

A teenage girl sent 14,528 text messages in one month-- proving that actual, human conversations, even ones over the telephone, are dead. (And yes, her family had her on an unlimited SMS plan.)

We're pretty sure George W. Bush's final news conference will go down in history as his most memorable. Check out the full text here.

Can someone explain to us why Megan Fox thinks she looks like this guy?

And you thought Mail Googles were useless? Turns out they're helping people who e-mail in their sleep.

Would you support a ban on cell phones while driving?

Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez? Well, they've already dated everyone else.

Congress will be televised on YouTube. We're starting to think YouTube has gotten too popular for its own good-- like MySpace, when your grandmother joined up.

And Bruce Springsteen, Shakira, Usher, Sheryl Crow, Beyonce Knowles, and Stevie Wonder are among the highlights of the Obama inaugural shows.

Related:

Thousands Run Amok In Their Underwear

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Winslet's Other Sex Scenes

While You Were Sleeping: Paris Hilton Is Not A Slut

While You Were Sleeping: The Giant Penis Show

While You Were Sleeping: Obama's Replacement

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 14:56:00 GMT

A 22-year-old became the youngest-ever World Series of Poker champ.

There will be (yet) another Cheech & Chong movie.

Check out this bizarre photo of Stephen Baldwin and Miley Cyrus... is the tattoo we've heard about real?!

Apparently so:

Talk about random...Miley Cyrus, along with Justin Gaston and her mom, hit a Christian bookstore last night in Tennessee for Stephen Baldwin's book signing. One word: why?

"I'm not exactly sure," her rep said, who's apparently as mystified as we are by this surprise showing. "I know they're friends of the Baldwins."

Stephen showed off an "HM" tattoo on his upper bicep that reportedly stands for Hannah Montana, Miley's hit Disney show. The story is that Miley dared him to get the tat, in exchange for a cameo on her show. [E!]

Tammy Duckworth, who lost 2006 bid for Congress, trails Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr. in a public opinion poll that asked who should replace Obama in the Senate. Of course, these polls don't matter, since it's up to the Governor, but interesting nonetheless.

And Jennifer Aniston puts Angelina Jolie in her place-- not without cause, we may add.

Sloppy Seconds: Paris Hilton Expands the Family Empire to Include Brothels

Is 'Page Six' on Miley Cyrus Skank Watch?

Sloppy Seconds: Somebody Should Tell Miley Cyrus She's a Big Girl Now

Leryn Franco Makes Up For Missing Out On The Whole "Nude Olympians Craze"

Say What? Lindsay Lohan Uses The C-Word On Obama

While You Were Sleeping: The Third Iron Man

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

A while back, we told you about the man in Duncanville, Texas facing trial for operating a swingers club out of his home. He was convicted yesterday of misdemeanor charges that had accused him of operating a sex "business."

Now Playboy is selling off its art collection to help stay afloat.

An anonymous blogger for The Frisky talked about her labiaplasty:

My unruly butterfly wings—otherwise known as my labia—interfered with my sexual activities. Riding a bike for more than 15 minutes? Painful. Camel toe? Obvious. Intercourse? Lube did little to relieve all that smooshing, pulling, stretching, especially when condoms were involved.
And then there were the unsolicited anatomical editorials that I’d received over the years, ranging from the respectfully observant, “You’re very floral,” to the horrifying, “Damn, girl. You got a fat p***y!,” to the complimentary, “Actually, I like it full and lippy ... That’s my thing.”

Obnoxious jerks that we are, we thought only dudes had problems with bike seats. Meanwhile...

This is a very interesting rundown of Senate and Congressional races in the A through H states.

Britney Spears will have her financial and business affairs permanently overseen by Papa Spears.

Michael Caine and Scarlett Johansson will host the Nobel concert on December 11th, featuring Diana Ross, Feist and others.

The Iron Man crew is doing The Avengers as well? Then we're suddenly excited for that one...

And Steven Page of Barenaked Ladies fame is not going to have to do hard time.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: The Madonna Marriage Meltdown

Robert Downey Jr. Used to Love Himself, Compulsively.

The MTV Movie Awards: More Entertaining Than We Wanted Them To Be

Swingers Vs. Nudists In Florida (Of Course)

Deep in the Heart of Texas, Swingers Make Lousy Neighbors

Sloppy Seconds: The Million-Dollar Strip Club Buy

Sloppy Seconds: Impeachments Imminent

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 21:29:00 GMT

56 government employees in Miami-Dade County were arrested for their alleged links to an Oxy-Contin ring.

We keep waiting for an explanation for this few-days-old story, but since none has been forthcoming: A man was arrested for exposing himself to his neighbors. When police came in through his front door, they found him committing some sort of sexual act "with a claw hammer, plastic bag and motor oil." What?

Gawker revisited some classic (and far from classic) Playgirl covers.

Know anyone with a birthday tonight? Get them the Horse's Ass cake, just because you're such good friends.

One of the Dixie Chicks got divorced.

A teen conspired with a buddy to, we're assuming, assassinate George W. Bush at Camp David. He even had the motorcade route copied down. It's a miracle ~~we don't have a "President Cheney"~~ he didn't get to execute his nefarious plan.

In other Bush news, the House seems closer than ever to actually considering impeaching Bush. Which means nothing will happen, of course.

In other impeachment news, the President of Pakistan is much closer to being ousted: the country's ruling coalition agreed to begin removal proceedings against him.

And Condi Rice is apparently ignoring her daily memos from the RNC: she said the country would do fine against terrorisms even with an Obama presidency.

While You Were Sleeping: The Heath Ledger Investigation

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 14:33:00 GMT

James Franco denies the shirt he wears in Pineapple Express is "stolen."

Betty White and Rue McClanahan both avoided Estelle Getty's funeral.

Shia Labeouf will not, as previously rumored, lose a finger.

Even some offensive jokes are too offensive for Bob Saget: he has lashed out at an eating disorder joke and other comments made at the expense of the Olsen twins during his own Comedy Central roast.

Celebrity Hero of the Day: Kirk Douglas, who has long fought for an official US apology for slavery, is thrilled that the House has passed a fitting resolution.

A judge tossed Lisa Marie's lawsuit against ex-boyfriend Tim Burton, which comes as no surprise.

The paparazzi have yet to capture Nicole Kidman's phantom baby. In a photograph, of course.

Can you believe the cast Chicago director Rob Marshall assembled for his new musical, Nine: Daniel Day Lewis, Penelope Cruz, Marion Cotillard, Kate Hudson, Dame Judi Dench, and Sophia Loren... for starters. There's also some guy named Fellini who's working on the screenplay...

The Heath Ledger investigation has closed. It's unclear whether Mary-Kate Olsen's refusal to testify is a reason investigators ended their search, for lack of evidence.

Via WENN.

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Crush of the Week: Marion Cotillard

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Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's Spiked Drink

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 21:17:00 GMT

What does it take for gal to file for divorce around here? After 52 years of marriage, the nitwit who married the guy who kept his sex slave daughter in a cage has left him.

Tim Robbins will produce a Showtime pilot starring Josh Lucas. Damn, is Showtime the new HBO or what?

Anderson Cooper may have moved in with his significant other this week...

The Anderson Cooper rumor mill most recently had the flirty CNN anchor dating an assistant to Barry Diller beard Diane Von Furstenberg in the wake of a breakup from 22-year-old JD Ordonez, a marine mammal trainer in California. Now we're told the silver-haired newsman is trying to settle down, albeit with a 24-ish guy, even as he trots the globe to film his upcoming Planet In Peril. A tipster heard from the supposed boyfriend's associates that Cooper asked him to move in and that the boyfriend accepted.

Barney Frank, the gay Congressman from Massachusetts (where else?) is sponsoring a bill to legalize marijuana possession, if the amount is less than, oh, say, 100 ounces.

Speaking of reefer madness: Hype or hilarity? Seth Rogen was asked to leave a "Pineapple Express" after party for smoking dope.

The latest in our continuing series on movies that cannot possibly have a sequel but are going to anyway: I Am Legend.

Good luck with that: Jamie Lynn Spears is getting married.

Starbucks is losing money for the first time in 16 years. We're surprised to be saying this, but we're not thrilled to see Starbucks going down in flames, now that the economy is at least partly dependent on their sales.

Amy Winehouse's Dad says it was a spiked drink that caused his daughter's latest hospital visit. Dude, that chick could sip a Diet Coke and go into convulsions, she's so toxic.

Related:

Pardon Me, But You Seem to Have Some Amy Winehouse In Your Teeth

Topless Seattle Coffeehouse To Take Down Starbucks?

The 50 Sexiest Albums You Must Own (50-41)

New Yorker Reporter Spends Time the California Way-- High on Medicinal Marijuana

Video of the Day: "Pineapple Express" Trailer

Hide Your Cigarettes and Tanning Beds: There's Another Spears Girl in the World

This Week In Gayness: My Boyfriend Won't Put Out

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 18:50:00 GMT

If your Dad is a fervent anti-homosexual zealot, best not to brag to his face about having come from the Pride parade.

What, you thought they'd let gay couples on the revamped "Newlywed Game"?

A woman who worked in the Georgia General Assembly claims to have been fired after telling her boss she was "going to live as a woman."

Guess which reality show host is joining the cast of "The L Word" for Season Six?

According to Michael Ausiello of EW.com's the Ausiello Files (Entertainment Weekly online) Elizabeth Berkley, who flirted with the L word during her Showgirls days, is joining the Showtime hit for a multi-episode arc. [Lesbiatopia]

Today is the day our do-nothing Democratic Congress will finally do something: they're planning to take a peek at "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Unsurprisingly, the Lesbos of Lesbos island lost their cast against the, um, lesbos of the world. Nice waste of paper, kids.

A Turkish honor killing (aka hate crime), in which a 26-year-old gay man was the victim, shows no signs of any future bright spots: apparently, as is the case in most honor killings, the family left their son's body to rot and the boyfriend has fled the country after warnings from his consulate.

In a Dear Mona column posted today on About.com, one guy asks "Mona" why his boyfriend can say "I still love you" while abstaining from sex and watching a steady stream of porno. Is it a porn addiction or the relationship itself that's the problem? Read the response here.

Sloppy Seconds: It's Friday And Salma Hayek Is Single

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 21:50:00 GMT

A woman paid $1,000 for someone else's baby after having a miscarriage. Painful Excerpt: "...she didn’t want to disappoint her mother." Yikes.

Did you guys and gals attend the mass nude photo shoot today in Ann Arbor, Michigan?

The Best Article Every Day today featured "7 Reasons Why The New iPhone Sucks."

Lockup your children, drugs, bowler hats, and microphones: Pete Doherty is on the loose.

John McCain actually doesn't hide from gay Republicans. He just conveniently leaves them off his public schedule.

Today in Weight Gain or Pregnancy? rumors is Uma Thurman.

Wonkette reports that our favorite cheating, divorcing family values Republican seriously injured a man at a Congressional baseball game and did nothing while the man bled all over the place. Oh, then he hit a home run and celebrated. Classy.

Another disgusting Obama shirt or just a poor choice of words: "Obama Is My Slave." (we're betting it's the former-- can you picture them making and somehow selling a John McCain version?)

Salma Hayek is not getting married to some billionaire after all. While the lesbian rumors start up again, we'll make our move...

Related:

Republican Quits Congress For His Family, Cheats On His Wife, Files For Divorce

"Breasts Drive Women Wild" Article Even Better Than Promised

Racist Fake Obama T-Shirt Has Internet In Uproar

Crazy White Supremacists-- Gasp!-- Hate Obama

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Corrupt Congresswoman Does Topless Shoot From Prison

Photo via AskMen.

Girlfriend Of Pro-Life Republican Confirms Abortion And Sordid Details

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 20:10:00 GMT

A couple weeks back, we told you about the Oregon Republican Party's nominee for Congress, Mike Erickson, who allegedly drove his girlfriend to an abortion clinic. Erickson, of course, is running on a staunch pro-Life platform.

Now, his ex has come forward to confirm the rumors... and more damaging details...

[T]he Oregon City woman said she met Erickson in September 2000 and that she had the abortion in January 2001. They saw each other afterward, she said, even going on a trip to Mexico in March, before the relationship ended. She spoke on the condition that only her first name, Tawnya, be used.
Erickson agrees that he gave Tawnya $300 for medical help, and a ride to a doctor's office, but said he didn't know she was pregnant or planned to get an abortion.
Tawnya, now 34, recalled sitting with Erickson that January, parked across from the abortion clinic.

"I asked him, 'Are you sure you don't want a baby?' " she said. "He shook his head. I opened the door, got out bawling and crossed the street and walked up to the clinic."

Erickson... told The Oregonian he didn't remember many details about their relationship, including where they met or when they dated.

This guy is the worst liar ever-- first of all, he actually admits to giving a woman he was just "dating" $300 for medical care, but has no idea what it was for and can't even remember the details of their relationship?

"Did I pay for an abortion? Absolutely not," Erickson said.

"She was having some financial troubles," he said. "She asked for some money to go have a doctor's appointment — not knowing what that was — and whatever happened, happened, I guess. I didn't even know she had an abortion."

We almost laughed out loud about what a pathetic jackass he is, but then realized this ain't funny. Erickson is a creepy and dangerous degenerate, which unfortunately means he will be a perfect fit for the United States Congress. And although he did win a bitter primary, hopefully the Democratic incumbent won't do anything like pledge to increase the abortion rate or take photos of herself hugging Fidel Castro and will emerge victorious.

Via The Seattle Times.

Son To His Father: I'm Gonna Run So You Don't Win

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 17:45:00 GMT

Remember Vito Fossella, the ladies man, family values champion, drunk driver, and loving father currently hiding in his family's garage? Now a father and son in Staten Island are hoping to carry on his wonderful example by running against each other in what is promising to be a bitter and hilarious public airing of a family's dirty laundry.

Francis H. Powers is the Republican nominee for Fossella's now-open seat, which covers Staten Island and an embarrassed sliver of Brooklyn. Now there's some guy named Francis M. Powers running for the same seat on the Libertarian line. Why is Francis M. trying to pull a Pat Buchanan and throw the election to somebody else?

"This is not about my dad," said the younger Powers, 47, a master carpenter from Clifton who plays and sings with the Staten Island band Box of Crayons and runs an indie record label called Penny for the Guy Records. "I'm running against the Republican candidate."

He's a grown man in a rock group called Box of Crayons? No shit he has father issues-- he clearly hasn't outgrown the sandbox. Dad, for his part, takes the high road and refuses to speak ill of his no-good son:

"I've tried very hard for many years to help my son," the elder Powers said... "Unfortunately, he's rejected everyone's help to live a healthy lifestyle. Regardless of whether he wants to run for Congress, I still stand ready to help him move his life in a positive direction."

[A] Republican source said that Powers was referring to his son's "carefree" lifestyle in the music business.

Let's compare the stats, shall we?

FATHER: MTA board member/responsible for subway fire hikes, divorced father of five, family values Republican.

SON: Humble carpenter, married father of two, Ron Paul-style spoiler. We're gonna go with this guy, just for kicks.

Read more about these two nutjobs at the Staten Island Advance.

Conspiracy of the Day: Sono Bono Was Assassinated

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:59:00 GMT

We can't take this story as literal fact because it was broken by the Globe tabloid, but an FBI agent claims he has evidence Sonny Bono did not die in a pathetic little skiing accident.

Ted Gunderson, now a private investigator, told the gossip rag that

"It's nonsense for anyone to now try to suggest that Bono died after crashing into a tree. There's zero evidence in this autopsy report... to show such an accident happened. Instead, there's powerful proof he was assassinated."

One month before his death on a Nevada slope, Congressman Bono was approached by another FBI agent named Bob Fletcher about government officials involved in smuggling and arms dealing. Basing his opinions on autopsy photos, Gunderson concludes that Bono was beaten to death by several individuals, probably using blunt objects, and then placed near a tree to be found by authorities.

It's possible that both the arms story and the Bono assassination theory are little more than conspiracy theory nuttiness. Nonetheless, it sounds like Gunderson's story warrants further investigation:

"(Bono) was going to make [the allegations] his No.1 priority... There's no doubt in my mind Sonny was murdered by someone who needed him silenced," Mr. Fletcher told the paper.

Does the Establishment Clause Exclude Santa Claus?

Emily Farris — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 13:23:00 GMT

It does now. Some Republican Congressmen must have been really pissed that their kids couldn't sing Christmas Carols in school, because earlier this week Congress passed a resolution "Recognizing the importance of Christmas and the Christian faith." While we realize both are important and we do love Christmas for all its Pagan glory, Congress is making it very hard for us to get into the spirit with all this Jesus talk:

"Whereas Christians identify themselves as those who believe in the salvation from sin offered to them through the sacrifice of their savior, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and who, out of gratitude for the gift of salvation, commit themselves to living their lives in accordance with the teachings of the Holy Bible.... Whereas Christians and Christianity have contributed greatly to the development of western civilization..." [Christmas is now recognized by Congress?]
RESOLUTION

Recognizing the importance of Christmas and the Christian faith.

Whereas Christmas, a holiday of great significance to Americans and many other cultures and nationalities, is celebrated annually by Christians throughout the United States and the world;

Whereas there are approximately 225,000,000 Christians in the United States, making Christianity the religion of over three-fourths of the American population;

Whereas there are approximately 2,000,000,000 Christians throughout the world, making Christianity the largest religion in the world and the religion of about one-third of the world population;

Whereas Christians identify themselves as those who believe in the salvation from sin offered to them through the sacrifice of their savior, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and who, out of gratitude for the gift of salvation, commit themselves to living their lives in accordance with the teachings of the Holy Bible;

Whereas Christians and Christianity have contributed greatly to the development of western civilization;

Whereas the United States, being founded as a constitutional republic in the traditions of western civilization, finds much in its history that points observers back to its roots in Christianity;

Whereas on December 25 of each calendar year, American Christians observe Christmas, the holiday celebrating the birth of their savior, Jesus Christ;

Whereas for Christians, Christmas is celebrated as a recognition of God's redemption, mercy, and Grace; and

Whereas many Christians and non-Christians throughout the United States and the rest of the world, celebrate Christmas as a time to serve others: Now, therefore be it

Resolved, That the House of Representatives--

(1) recognizes the Christian faith as one of the great religions of the world;

(2) expresses continued support for Christians in the United States and worldwide;

(3) acknowledges the international religious and historical importance of Christmas and the Christian faith;

(4) acknowledges and supports the role played by Christians and Christianity in the founding of the United States and in the formation of the western civilization;

(5) rejects bigotry and persecution directed against Christians, both in the United States and worldwide; and

(6) expresses its deepest respect to American Christians and Christians throughout the world.

We're also wondering why this hasn't been more widely covered. Here's some coverage we could find:

Common Sense: War On Christmas: Congress is on the case
NY Times Opinionator: Playing the Christmas Card
AP: 9 Dems Say No to Christmas Resolution

[Image: Jesus is the Reason for the Season car magnet from thechristianshop.co.uk]