Scanner : conspiracy

DC Madam Dictates Memoir From Beyond The Grave!

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 14:52:00 GMT

A new, epic blog post on 10 Zen Monkeys may restart those rumors that said Deborah Jeane Palfrey committed suicide... or, as "Palfrey" herself says, quash them for good...

Yes, we understand this makes no sense... how is a victim of suicide or murder going to come back from the grave and solve their own case? Via metaphysical psychics, of course!

The 55-year-old astrologer lived 10 miles from Tarpon Springs, Florida where Palfrey had committed suicide in May. (Her body was discovered hanging from a noose in a storage shed behind her mother's mobile home.) [T]wo weeks later, "I was at home in my living room when I became aware that another person, a spirit entity, had suddenly entered my consciousness and my body..."

Daniel says he now has the answers to the questions surrounding the infamous brothel-keeper's death. (Was Palfrey's suicide faked by government conspirators? Would she reveal the names of her famous clients?) Within 10 seconds, he'd identified the visiting spirit as Deborah Jeane Palfrey. (And to make sure, he'd verified it — with another psychic.) In July, Daniel was ready to contact the sex-worker advocate to say the madam was now available for questions.

At this point, we were laughing so hard we almost stopped reading. Almost. We gotta admit, we wanted to hear what the ghost of whoredom past had to say about herself:

This is absolutely false! I am solely responsible for the manner in which my life ended. There was no conspiracy that I became aware of to kill me. And even if there was, it was not successful. I took my own life; it was my decision, end of story. Or is it...?

The Government was my own dark shadow. The Government is very often our own personal dark shadow. Once we begin to recognize this we can move past the guilt, punishment, blame games and victimization. Until such time as the Human Race gets really, totally and completely fed up with limiting beliefs and values, our Government will stand as a reminder, a grim reminder that we are anything but a free people living in a world of real freedom and personal fulfillment.

Zen Monkeys question whether this is the real voice of Palfrey (for some reason, she sounds to us like a lame middle-aged "psychic" who has a bone to pick with the Federales), but we think it most definitely is: who wouldn't kill themselves if they found themselves living in their mother's mobile home in Tarpon Springs...

More nonsense here.

Thanks to El Destiny for the link!

Sloppy Seconds: Elizabeth Hasselbeck Not Sure What A Vibrator Is For

"D.C. Madam" Believed to be Dead

David Vitter: "Thank Christ You Forgot About Me"

Move Over Lazy Young People, Persephone Lewin's Day Puts Yours To Shame

Who Would You Rather (Bring Down With A Political Sex Scandal)?

Rumor: Governor Running A Brothel Out of His Office

Scanner Roundtable: Let's Settle This Whole 9/11 Thing Once And For All...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:47:00 GMT

Willie Nelson is gearing up for a major concert announcement: he and a bunch of other old country and rocker dudes want to put together first, a show attacking the idea of war with Iran and second, to publicize the 9/11 Truth Movement.

This got us thinking: how many of our Scanner readers, you anonymous folks from all over the country (and beyond), think 9/11 involved bombs and explosions in the WTC Towers? And how many of you think the story is complete bullshit?

Fight it out in the comments. Feel free to link to videos, stories, and other stuff (no spam) you think helps your case...

And remember-- no personal attacks. Unless you're funny!

Conspiracy of the Day: Sono Bono Was Assassinated

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:59:00 GMT

We can't take this story as literal fact because it was broken by the Globe tabloid, but an FBI agent claims he has evidence Sonny Bono did not die in a pathetic little skiing accident.

Ted Gunderson, now a private investigator, told the gossip rag that

"It's nonsense for anyone to now try to suggest that Bono died after crashing into a tree. There's zero evidence in this autopsy report... to show such an accident happened. Instead, there's powerful proof he was assassinated."

One month before his death on a Nevada slope, Congressman Bono was approached by another FBI agent named Bob Fletcher about government officials involved in smuggling and arms dealing. Basing his opinions on autopsy photos, Gunderson concludes that Bono was beaten to death by several individuals, probably using blunt objects, and then placed near a tree to be found by authorities.

It's possible that both the arms story and the Bono assassination theory are little more than conspiracy theory nuttiness. Nonetheless, it sounds like Gunderson's story warrants further investigation:

"(Bono) was going to make [the allegations] his No.1 priority... There's no doubt in my mind Sonny was murdered by someone who needed him silenced," Mr. Fletcher told the paper.

The Truth Behind Britney's Breakdown?

Emily Farris — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 16:48:00 GMT

Blogger Kung Fu Monkey may be onto something. Could Britney's very public breakdown be a conspiracy to cover up the most important military mission of all time?

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT
Date: [REDACTED]
NSA INTERVIEW ROOM #[REDACTED]
PRESENT: AGENT [REDACTED], ASSET CODENAME/TOXIC
Preliminary Interview
Interview already in progress, see Transcript #194BSZ

Agent: Based on this evidence, our profilers believe you have the best chance of getting close to Osama Bin Laden. He is utterly obsessed with you.

(PAUSE / 8 SECONDS)

Agent: Miss [redacted]?
Toxic: Anything for my country
Agent: We're not going to lie to you. You're America's pop princess. There's no way he's going to believe you just decided to "hook" up with him. No way he's got a chance with you at the height of your fame and power. We need --
Toxic: -- to ruin me.
Agent: A downward spiral. Very public, very messy. This is deep cover, Miss [redacted]. Not everybody comes back.
Toxic: What's the timetable?
Agent: To make it convincing? Years. At least. Sham marriage. Alcohol and drug abuse, multiple psychological problems. We need to go completely over the top, too, to make it convincing. And then ...
Toxic: Then what?
Agent: You contact any one of these paparazzi we've had under surveillance. They're all of Middle Eastern or Muslim descent. Begin a relationship. Our profilers feel that at that point, Bin Laden will figure he has a chance, and will make the call.
Toxic: What do I do when that happens?
Agent: You'll receive weapons training.
Toxic: I understand.

We'll suspend belief for a little while; we know that Osama bin Laden is actually totally obsessed with Whitney Houston. But Brit did say in Fahrenheit 911 that you should believe and follow your president. We know, it's kind-of like letting yourself believe that daddy really is working late because you want mommy to believe it, too.

[Kung-Fu Monkey: Operation In The Zone]