Scanner : craigslist

Give a Steamy Goodbye to CraigsList's Erotic Services

Emily Farris — Wed, 13 May 2009 20:39:00 GMT

We didn't think it was really going to happen, but the Powers that Be at CraigsList have folded under pressure to remove "erotic services" from the site.

In place of "erotic services" will be a new category called “adult services," which the site's employees will vet for activity that violates CraigsList's terms of service. Each posting will cost $10, with a $5 reposting fee. While this may satiate some state's officials, who have been urging the site to close the section since the CraigsList Murder last month, New York's attorney general is calling the concession "half baked."

“Rather than work with this office to prevent further abuses, in the middle of the night, Craigslist took unilateral action which we suspect will prove to be half-baked," Mr. Cuomo said in a statement.

But according to Jim Buckingham, chief executive of Craigslist, legal pressure had nothing to do with the change.

“In striking this new balance we have sought to incorporate important feedback from all the groups that have expressed strongly held views on this subject, including some of the state A.G.s, free speech advocates and legal businesses who are accustomed to being entitled to advertise,” Mr. Buckmaster said.

Perhaps a few good things will come of this, including the fact that San Francisco-based CraigsList is going to have to hire new staff to peruse the ads. Hmm...

[NYT: Craigslist Makes Changes to Sex Ads]

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While You Were Sleeping: Erotic Services

Craigslist Erotic Services Aren't Going Anywhere

Scanner Roundtable: Sugar Daddies (and Mamas)... Would You?

We Interrupt This Regularly Scheduled Programming to Bring You The Best Craigslist Personal Ad of The Day

Emily Farris — Tue, 12 May 2009 16:21:00 GMT

Here.

We'll be back in about half an hour.

Iowa Politician Swears He Ordered the Massage Without the Happy Ending

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 19:54:00 GMT

A City Councilman in Council Bluffs, Iowa, is on trial this week after ordering up a "sensual massage" via Craigslist. It turned out the masseuse was a police informant and the cops raided the hotel room before the happy ending.

But check out the excuses Darren Bates offered on the stand yesterday: they're only making his situation more comical...

"If I’m getting a massage I’d rather it be a pretty woman rather than a man or a bigger woman," he said.

Bates described a "sensual massage" as one in which a woman would provide very light touching on his body, "mostly on the stomach, they sit on your back. Very light touches, with fingernails . . . it provides a tingling sensation."

The women who have performed "sensual massage" on him before wore shorts and tank tops or lingerie, he said.

Instead of a "sensual massage," Bates said he instead got public humiliation for something he said would draw more attention than any murder story in Omaha in the last 20 years.

What Bates doesn't understand, and what you should this weekend before heading over to craigslist.org in your respective areas, is that the police in this country are freaking out about Craig and his lists. The murder in Boston has them paying closer attention to the "casual encounters" and "erotic services" sections of each city's page. Be careful-- you could end up like this dumbass:

"You could just as easily go in and look for a hot young girl to rub you down?" Sedlak said.

"It’s next to impossible with my schedule. It’s easier to get on my phone," he said.

Bates testified that he went directly to erotic section of Craigslist when seeking a "masseuse."

Sedlak asked, "Erotic means of sexual nature right?"

"It means sexy," Bates said.

Bates testified that he didn’t tell the truth when he gave an interview to World-Herald columnist Michael Kelly. Bates said he told Kelly that he had never before sought a massage.

"You weren’t truthful with press back then?" asked prosecutor Shelly Sedlak.

"Correct," replied Bates.

His attorney, James Martin Davis, later asked Bates why he didn’t admit during the newspaper interview that he had received massages before.

"One, my wife was there," Bates said. "Two, the press completely obliterated everything we’d said. They’d print that and completely go crazy with it."

Via Omaha.com.

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18-Year-Old Boy Arrested in Most Bizarre Sex Tape Bust Yet

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Craigslist Erotic Services Aren't Going Anywhere

Emily Farris — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:41:00 GMT

In the wake of the "Craigslist killing"—an April 14 incident in which a Boston University student is accused of murdering a 26-year-old masseuse he met on the listing site—Connecticut's Attorney General called for Craigslist to get rid of the photos in the "erotic services" section, hire staff to screen the ads and fine users who violate the terms of service. But founder Craig Newmark has no plans to do any of that.

As Newmark pointed out, Craigslist already allows users to flag material they believe is inappropriate.

"Sometimes a bad guy of some sort tries to pull a fast one on our site," he said in an interview that aired Friday night on ABC News. "We don't want it there, it's wrong, and that's why we have the help of the general community and the law enforcement community getting rid of things like that."

Yeah. So there.

[Huffington Post: Craig Newmark: I'm Not Planning To CLose Craigslist's 'Erotic' Section]

Related:

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Sloppy Seconds: The Craigslist Crackdown on Hookers

Scanner Roundtable: Sugar Daddies (and Mamas)... Would You?

Emily Farris — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 17:41:00 GMT

I often joke about getting a sugar daddy, but underneath the humor lies some honest interest. Making a career out of freelance writing, I've sort-of condemned myself to a life of poverty, or near poverty anyway. I live paycheck to paycheck, pay my bills late most of the time and am not ashamed to admit I like to buy things—clothes, shoes, nice dinners. And the idea of a sugar daddy sounds sort-of great, doesn't it? Especially in this economy. Getting my bills paid, not having to worry about how anyone is going to finance a car for me with my terrible credit, all the clothes I want... and all in return for just showing an old man a good time? Sure, maybe it's a little like prostitution, but like I've always said, any mutually beneficial agreement between to consensual adults should remain between those two consensual adults.

True, there are plenty of reasons not to do it. I can't imagine having sex with someone I'm not attracted to, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little concerned with what other people would think. But if I happened to meet an attractive, intelligent, hilarious man who was also loaded and wanted the pleasure of my company now and then, I'd have a hard time turning that down. The one thing I can't bring myself to do is find a sugar daddy online, though I must say it would be surprisingly easy to do should I find myself suddenly unemployed or with medical bills I couldn't pay. In addition to craigslist ads like this one, there are multiple sites like seekingarrangement.com that match pretty young things up with sugar daddys—and sugar mamas. Until I get that desperate, I'll keep pretending credit cards are free money and joking about the day my Sean Connery type comes along.

But what about you? Could you—would you—get a sugar daddy (or mama)? And if so, under what circumstances?

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Scanner Roundtable: Boobies

Scanner Roundtable: All the Single Ladies, Would You Date a Guy (or Gal) With Kids?

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Livin' Large on Craigslist

Emily Farris — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 18:51:00 GMT

We can't imagine that anyone is jumping at the chance to meet a pathetic weirdo on Craigslist these days, what with the Craigslist murder and all, but no one can deny that times are tough. So, if you're looking for a place to live or an exotic getaway for "free" look no further than the New York City section of the site. We've rounded up a few of the best "freebies" after the jump.

From Missed Connections:

ARE YOU LOST? HONESTLY I HAVE A HOME FOR YOU.. - m4w (BROOKLYN)

WHERE ARE YOU GOING,SWEETHEART, ? IF IT SEEMS LIKE THE WORLD IS CAVING IN, THEN I HAVE A HOME FOR YOU
A NEWLY RENOVATED STUDIO APT, WITH ALL THE AMENITIES, MAID SERVICES, IN OCEAN HILL, BROOKLYN
MAKE BE AN OFFER, OR A PROMISE, AND IT IS YOUR (I AM NOT KIDDING )
SEND A PHOTO, AND YOUR OFFER....WITH YOUR CONTACT INFO,,,,
I WILL RESPOND TO YOU IMMEDIATELY......

Because we'd love to shack up in a STUDIO with this guy...

Special Female Inquire with in for Weekend Getaway to a Spa - m4w (Manhattan, Queens, LongIsland)

I am looking for a petite female for a weekend getaway to Nude Spa.

Please email me back some information about you ..

Please be a non smoker and drug and disease free.

Please also be a spontanous person and carefree person just like Me.

Please send me an email with your name and
a picture

Thanks

A traveler who is also a good speller. Score!

From rooms/shared:

$130 Unique offer for a unique woman (East Village)

Many of you who read this ad are going to find it very offensive. Please understand that while this offer might not work for you, there are people out there in this world that have different levels of comfort with certain ideas that might be offensive to the majority of the population.

I got this idea from an article in Time Out New York that I read a while ago. I live in a 2 bedroom apartment that I inherited and now own. I live alone in the East Village, and have an empty bedroom and a lot of space. I am offering the empty room w/private bathroom for only $130 a month. Here is the catch...of course there is a catch. I'm a white late 20's guy that works in finance. I work A LOT and therefore my social life has become nonexistent. So, I want to add a little bit of excitement to my life. I would like to rent the room to a woman between the age of 18-27.

You should be a free spirited, liberal minded person who is very open minded. I would like you to be a slim attractive girl who is OK with occasionally walking around or hanging out in her underwear <---yes...that would be the slightly crazy part.

I would never ask you to strip or do anything at all. You must be someone who occasionally walks around like that and is ok with me being around when you do. I know this is a strange arrangement, but like I said earlier, I am trying to add some exitement to my life:) I am not looking for anything to develop into a relationship, or to have you start acting like a girlfriend. If you are interested, send me an email so I can discuss it further with you. There is no sexual contact or anything involved. I WOULD NEED THE ARRANGEMENT TO BE 100% CONFIDENTIAL. I know that it makes no sense to put my pic on here if I want it to be confidential, but I figured it was a necessary risk to take if I wanted solid responses. If you are interested please send me your pic. It does not have to be a provocative pic. But a body pic would help.

The apartment is huge-near St Marks. The kitchen is big...very bright living area. The room for rent is very big too AND HAS ITS OWN BATHROOM. I don't need the money which is why I am able to do this. The $130 is just a nice round number I came up with. PLEASE do NOT respond by saying "WHY WOULD A GUY AS GOOD LOOKING AS YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS". We all have our reasons.....Thanks
-Keith

Ugh. Of course guys like Keith inherit huge apartments in the East Village.

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Sloppy Seconds: Stripper Fight

Craigslist Behaving Badly

What Major Media Gossip Blog is Using Craigslist to Find Characters for Stories?

Today in WTF: An Omegle Love Connection?

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We F-ing Hate That There is F-ing Nude F-ing Hipster Grifter Sh*t We Can F-ing Get Behind

Emily Farris — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 14:29:00 GMT

We know you're sick to death of hearing about Kari Farrell, the hipster grifter, who conned men out of money and Vice into giving her a job (and showed us her boobs). Well, either you're sick to death of hearing about her or you're wishing you would have gotten some from her, even if it meant she ran off with your money. If you're of the former mindset, you, like us, really don't want to see all of this damn hipster grifter paraphernalia. Unless you, like us, really like one of her tattoos and are thinking of getting one of your own and might try it out as a t-shirt for a while.

It's based on this tattoo, which Scanner Brian sent to us last week with the following comment: "You should totally steal that first image as your pre-jump Beard image." To which we replied "Um, I should totally get that tattoo!" We know. But still.

Related:

Look at This F-ing Email From This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

Look at This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

Sloppy Seconds: Hand Jobs Involving the Mouth

Via Gawker.

Sloppy Seconds: Stripper Fight

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 22:21:00 GMT

According to Jezebel, the love letter is dead but the breakup e-mail is strong with this generation.

Michelle Rodriguez from Lost flipped out at a wedding-- if you believe this nonsense story.

But what happens when the pants come off? Push-up underwear for men isn't expected to go over big with Croatian women.

The Craigslist Killer may have murdered to help cover his gambling debts. Dumbasses-- don't gamble what you don't have in your bank account or you'll end up like this guy.

If you have a sword and dress like a ninja and are attempting to commit robberies, a dry cleaner is probably low on your list of priorities.

While wife Amy suffered burns on her leg due to... um... "a cooking accident," Blake Fielder-Civil has demanded his lover allow him to take a paternity test.

A woman who works for Fox61 in Connecticut was arrested twice in three hours in the same neighborhood and by the same officer, both times for driving drunk.

The Seinfeld adult film spoof is real... and features the Porn Nazi.

And a 52-year-old stripper, enjoying her first day on the job, was stabbed in the eye by a jealous co-worker.

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We Finally Figured Out Why Marilyn Manson Dumped Dita Von Teese...

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Look at This F-ing Email From This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

Emily Farris — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 20:53:00 GMT

When the Hipster Grifter, Kari Ferrell, popped up on Scanner today we thought she looked familiar. And we thought, "I want to give you a handjob with my mouth" sounded way too familiar. Then we remembered that our friend had posted a Craigslist ad looking for a date to the Langhorne Slim concert a few weeks ago and an Asian girl with chest tattoos had responded to it and used that exact line. We opened up the email (that he had forwarded us, because we always forward each other our online dating prospects) to compare the tats. And we were right.

Full text of the email after the jump.

From: Korean Abdul-Jabbar <xxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com>
Date: March 31, 2009 5:40:57 AM EDT
To: pers-y6uau-xxxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Subject: I can fight like the devil, or do what I'm told.

Hello,

I haphazardly stumbled upon your ad on Craigslist, and decided to charm you--with my undeniable wit and good looks (see: roofies)--into taking me to the Langhorne Slim show this Friday evenin'. Now, I realize that you have several candidates to choose from and that is why I compiled this nice list as to why I am "The One".

1.) I can solve complex math equations, harpoon a whale, reference obscure movies/books/songs/bible passages/pornos/wrestlers/Christmas specials, and shoot a potato gun all while simultaneously singing the theme songs from nationally syndicated television programs of the late 70's and early 80's. If that doesn't convince you to take me, I don't know what will, but just in case I'll continue...

2.) I commonly say things like, "I want to give you a hand job with my mouth."

3.) I graduated with my degree in Music Theory, Composition, and Production--and minored in Physics. I don't know what I'm trying to tell you, besides that I like useless degrees. Impressed?

4.) I appreciate all genres of music. I know everyone says that, and sure, maybe some of them even mean it--but I DOUBLE MEAN IT (???). Examples: Bonnie 'P' Billy, Mono, Owen, The Books, Curtis Mayfield, The Gap Band, The Zombies, Glenn Miller Band, Russian Circles, Kashiwa Daisuke, The Magnetic Fields, Sunn O))), Botch, Benny Goodman, Murs, Boris, The Hood Internet, Phosphorescent, Muddy Waters, Akron/Family, Refused, Schubert, and on and on and on.

5.) CLAP HANDS.

6.) I moved here about eight months ago, and though I know many wonderful people, have been feeling a bit homesick lately. One of my favourite memories of times too-long-past is dancing in my friend's kitchen to Langhorne's "Checking Out" with everyone I have ever loved.

7.) Even if you have promised the ticket to someone else, I'll still go to the show with another friend, or by myself. Meaning, I am not emailing you just to get an in to the show--though I guess that IS sort of what your post insinuated people do...

8.) I have boobs. [Ed Note: here they are]

Okay, there you have it. The rest is up to you, my friend.

Love,
Kari

Clever Hipsters Re-Name Bush Street Obama Street

Look at This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

I Owe You a Good Leg Humping

Emily Farris — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 16:17:00 GMT

Hey, Scanners. Thanks to all of your votes, my missed connection won the Missed Tees t-shirt contest, which means I'm $200 richer and I owe you a good leg humping. It also means you can buy my t-shirt, printed on American Apparel of course, at the ridiculously cheap price of $13 (see? everything is cheaper in the Midwest) and for the rest of eternity, I get 10% of every sale. So if you buy it, it's almost like you're my sugar daddy, or mama.

[Missed Tees]

Related:

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More of the Best of "The Best of Craiglist"

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:43:00 GMT

It's hard to believe it's been almost ten years since Craig's List officially took over the internet. Craig Newmark's baby has long since proved its staying power and questions about its eventual demise are considered silly since no end appears to be in sight.

Another sign of its vitality is the continuing presence of wacky, original posts showcasing North America's admirable ability to not always take itself so seriously. These few posts prove the site will always be ridiculous, bizarre, unfiltered, and entirely readable... if only in the "Best of" section, which thankfully weeds out the dick pics and political maniacs.

First, a personal ad that makes us wish we were lesbians...

best of craigslist > montreal >

Con U muslim lesbo looking for sweaty "ententes" with Jewish McGillian

What's with the McGill snobbery? Are Concordia dykes chopped liver already?

I'm a sexy Palestinian-born, Concordia-educated lesbian looking to make my very personal, very profound statement for peace by offering my luscious bod to a Jewish McGill gal to do with as she pleases. Let us bridge our cultural and institutional differences in a shuddering display of joy and togetherness and be an example to the rest of the world

Come break some taboon bread with me and I'll sip your Manischewitz wine.

محبوب

Republican at CPAC

Yo... young Republican guy here, attending CPAC this weekend. Looking for a discreet, masculine guy to fool around with. Conservative, closeted guys preferred... would like to meet someone attending CPAC (there are plenty of guys looking for action there), so we have something to talk about. Into making out, jerking off, oral... maybe fucking. I'm 5'9, masculine, 7"uc, brown/ blue.

Be in good shape, under 30, and drug/ disease free. Send pics in first email.

Would prefer to meet up at your place, since I'm sharing a room....

Location: DC

best of craigslist > ann arbor

The Streaker Tripper - m4w

I was streaking through the Diag Friday night at 2:15 am. Coming around the corner of State and Liberty, fast as a naked blur, I bumped into you and we both fell to the ground. I was a little upset with you at first, cuz I scratched my right butt cheek pretty bad, but I knew it was my fault. You said, "Nice New Balances," And all I could say was, "Thanks," with the adrenaline still rushing. In less awkward circumstances, I would have liked to talk to you. I had never run into a girl that fast or naked before... I didn't know how to respond so I helped you up quickly and kept running. Since my friends paid me $100 for making it to Kerrytown with just my socks, shoes, and a big smile, I'd like to take you on a date. You looked pretty fit so maybe you'd like to go for a run sometime. Hit me up! Bye!

best of craigslist > madison

Looking for Bridesmaids - w4w

So, my fiancee and I are getting married in June. He has 8 groomsmen lined up and I only have one bridesmaid. So, I need some girls who are attractive and around my age to stand up in my wedding. You can be single or taken. It doesn't matter....you just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me. Email me for more information. The wedding will be in Madison and you won't have to pay for a thing.

Hope to hear from you!

There you have it, folks-- a dissection of love in North America, circa 2009. (See the full ads and more here.)

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Today in WTF: An Omegle Love Connection?

Emily Farris — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 17:18:00 GMT

O, hai. Have we missed the point of Omegle, the site that lets you talk to strangers without even signing up? We thought it was to have a random chat with no strings, no worrying about what you say, no... nothing? But apparently, like every other aspect of our lives, we are still worse at finding love than everyone else on the planet. Or at least we're worse than this Chicago girl, who thinks she may have found her special someone on Omegle.

Oh, sweetie. We should probably tell you that your Kansas City boy is actually this guy:

[Craigslist]

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Support a Scanner or Two

Colleen Kane — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 18:23:00 GMT

There are certainly beggars on the street who earn more in a day than Scanner Emily and I will today. And with that, a little begging: won't you vote for Scanner Emily's missed connection so she can win $200? She needs an average of 10 stars and right now she's up to 9. That one literally takes one second to do.

My favor takes more like 30 seconds, but the stakes are so much higher: if I get around 500 more votes in this photography contest by Friday, I'll be in the top 20, then will hopefully be selected to win $50K! The contest is called Name Your Dream Assignment, and here's mine: Main Street, Exiled: Disappearing Downtowns. You just have to sign in with a real email to prove you're not a robot, then click on PIC IT to vote.

Thanks lovies!

Related:

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This is Where Prostitution Might Move Once Kicked Off Craigslist

Colleen Kane — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 15:01:00 GMT

I saw a commercial for a mating service called Online Booty Call, and at first thought it was a joke. Nope! 'Tis real. It's probably no different from Adult Friend Finder, but still...that name! It's just all right out in the open, isn't it? And to see it advertised on TV was a bit surprising.

A quick visit without joining reveals the above graphic done in Terrence- and- Philip- style animation, Booty Call Commandments, customer testimonials, and rather average-looking members with entertaining poses or user names...

Highlights from the 10 BC Commandments:

"Thou shalt get out before the sun rises."

"Thou shouldest never ask, 'Can we see each other from now on?'"

"There shall be no cuddling-- ever!"

Testimonials:

I met this guy on your site and for the last seven weeks it has been on.

Thanx OBC, I have had three dates in the last two weeks and they just keep getting better and more freaky.

Finally, a few thumbnails of members, including a crazy cat man! At least...looks like a man in the thumbnail...

"Hey there sex E girl" Text Message Haikus for Sarah Hepola

Review: Mail Goggles

Sloppy Seconds: Tyra's Abusive Relationship

Emily Farris — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 22:47:00 GMT

Ovarian cancer, which is known as the silent killer because it's so hard to detect in early stages, killed 15,000-plus women in the US last year. But now, doctors are a step closer to developing a way to screen for it. [Us News & World Report]

Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams, who just got engaged last month, supposedly married in Savannah, GA this week. [People]

Gisele would like her new husband Tom Brady to put a baby in her. Right now. [Us]

The worst craigslist job posting of the day? Asking writers to contribute a story with a minimum of 2,000 words for $20 about how they have quit caffeine. One would have to be on some form of caffeine—if not crack—to be willing to write 2,000 words for $20. [Craigslist Kansas City]

In the wake of the Chris Brown Rihanna mess, Tyra Banks is devoting tomorrow's show to the topic of teen dating abuse. And Ms. Banks will add a personal touch to the conversation, though it appears her relationship was more emotionally abusive than physically abusive. [FadedYouth]

Sloppy Seconds: Crazy Baby Lady Even Crazier Than We Thought

Emily Farris — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 00:51:00 GMT

The sheriff's department in Chicago's Cook County is suing Cralgslist, claiming the site is the largest source of prostitution in the United States. Um, yeah? [SunTimes]

Dare we pick up Jonathan Littell's 1,000-page Nazi-centered novel "The Kindly Ones" which "manages to be a near-masterpiece of historical fiction and at the same time a bloated, overlong masturbatory fantasia of sex and violence?" We just might. [Yahoo!]

Even Facebook is Twittering now. Sort of. [InformationWeek]

Prosecutors have charged Chris Brown with beating his girlfriend, Rihanna. He could get almost five years in jail if convicted of the two felonies. [Defamer]

Apparently Crazy Baby Lady Nadya Suleman couldn't even keep track of her children when she only had six, as evidenced by the audio of this October 9-1-1 call in which she can be heard screaming "Where's my son?" Sounds a lot like Angelina Jolie in Changeling, no? Except Angelina didn't say over and over again that she was going to kill herself. [Radar]

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Stay Classyfied: Seeking Elderly Couples For A New Comedy Game Show!

Emily Farris — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 19:35:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Are you old? Do you want to possibly be humiliated? Then you'll love this opportunity...

Read More...

Bearded Men On Craig's List: Or, How We'll Get Scanner Emily To Move Back To NYC

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 19:42:00 GMT

We're recovering from public nudity burnout after this morning's news and for some idiotic reason, decided that a sane refuge would be the Craig's List Missed Connection section.

Based on what we've come across in the w4m section, a mysterious brand of man has taken over the city of New Amsterdam...

...the beard-o. Jim James, pictured above, the lead singer of Kentucky rock band My Morning Jacket, is rumored to have made the city a second home. The hipsters in Williamsburg have all seemingly realized that, though they live in an urban area, the ladies will overlook the flannel shirts and generally disheveled appearance... as long as the dude's got a beard.

beardo stare - w4m (union pool)

ten thousand dollar stare, what was the even? giving someone "the look" for so long that they begin to fear for their life certainly works, but when you don't follow up with at least a half crack of a smile it still just leaves them fearing for their life.
let's do this rattlesnake dance, you angel.

ps. one hundred bones says your clothes smell like campfire.

When we read the part about one hundred bones, it kind of freaked us out. Maybe it's because we were listening to Warren Zevon's "Excitable Boy," with its deliberately goofy melody and the terrifying lines: "And he dug up her grave/and made a cage with her bones/excitable boy, they all said."

L train making eyes and a laugh - w4m (brooklyn)

...Your beard was new, a month tops-- more like a shadow than a beard. ...I noticed you staring at me i think at Bedford. I stopped actually reading my magazine so i could see if you were still glancing at me at Graham. Surprisingly, you were still on the train at my stop at Myrtle-Wyckoff. we smiled and you watched me leave the train. I turned around twice and you were still looking. you seem fun. i liked your eyes. and i want to know how that book is. are you a Halsey stop guy? Want to go on a hike? I think my camelbak and your hiking boots will get us far enough in the treacherous terrain of Mccarren or Central or Prospect Park.

More choice beard sightings:

I was the brunette with my hair up in a bun, wearing a colorful yellow & pink scarf and long black coat, talking to my friend. you sat next to her and it seems like you kept looking over at us, maybe at me? you had a beard and a hearing aid, were in sneakers and carrying a sports bag. I think I've seen you on the train before.

You were the cute guy with the reddish-brown beard and a stocking hat (that looked like maybe a chicago or cleveland team??) who got on the F... I was the brown eyed brunette sitting a few seats away in a black peacoat and rain boots reading a magazine. We caught eyes when you got on and kept sneaking looks until I had to get off....

Piece of advice: if you aren't 100% sure which team it is your potential dude favors, best to refrain from even mentioning it. Haven't you people seen Diner?

Although all is not lost for you dudes without beards... as this lady suggests, you could always... grow one. (Otherwise, forget it.)

hey bud.. i was sitting to your left while you smoked a hookah at the bar... could not stop thinking about how sexy you'd be with some scruff or a full on beard. you have the hottest "bear" potential. hit me up!

Scanner Emily, better hurry back-- all these enterprising ladies are staking all the bearded territory...

Via Craig's List.

Did You Hear? The Beard is Back (File Under: No Sh*t, MSNBC)

Bearded Man of the Week: Justin Vernon

25-Year-Old Virgin Takes Us One Step Closer to Crazy Cat Lady Status

Hooking is the New Teacher Scandal

Colleen Kane — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 16:22:00 GMT

Let's blame the economy for this, too: Teachers wishing to commit a crime have caught on to not give it away for free to students, when they can turn a trick and turn a quick buck. Only in the unfortunate case of Ohio teacher Amber Carter, it led to a felony charge.

Amber was arrested for prostitution yesterday at a Super 8 motel when she met up with a john she'd found on Craigslist during school hours. She had called out sick yesterday afternoon for her trick, which turned out to be a sting. It didn't help her case that she used school computers to arrange her business--it led to the additonal felony charge of "unauthorized use of property."

"It's not our place to tell them too much," said Superintendant Larry Anderson about what to tell the students, "but we figured the students might have heard rumors and would have some questions." Parents will get a letter about the situation tonight.

He also described Amber as a popular teacher. I'll say!

Related:

Doctor Sex is the New Teacher Sex

Teacher Sex Craze Spreads to the U.K.

Ex-Teacher Argues Sex With Her Student Was Constitutional

...and many, many more posts on Scanner.

(BTW, I started that Hot For Teacher Tournament last month but am just not that into it, would be a part-time job just keeping track of all the teachers gone bad.)

We're Just Not That Into... The Outdoor Lovemap

Emily Farris — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 20:28:00 GMT

The Outdoor Lovemap is the "international guide to places to make love outdoors." Unfortunately, "international" does not equal "ultimate." While it's a good idea in theory, it's a little, uh, sparse. When we typed in our zip code, the closest result was the St. Louis Zoo, which is, like, 250 miles away. But we can think of plenty of beautiful outdoor spaces within walking distance where we could make sexy time. We'll stick with the map that at least helps us find someone to hook up with and take care of finding a place to do it on our own.

Related:

What's (Er Who's) Going Down In Your Hood?

Teenage Sexual Awakening Via Google Maps and Polaroids

Look Both Ways Before Walking The Streets, 'Cause Google Maps Might Be Watching

Website Tracks the Worst Personal Ads From Desperate Dudes

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 23:32:00 GMT

Why Women Hate Men is another one of these websites/blogs designed by guys who are trying to impress women by how much they, too, "despise all the loser single dudes out there so pick me pick me!"

We must point out that, like all men, the individual purporting to be this site's webmaster is a dangerous degenerate. And if you think I'm being sarcastic or "humorous," you are sadly, sadly mistaken. (See above photo of owner for explanation.)

Here are some of this individuals examples of "why women remain single." We thought it was because moving costs are skyrocketing, but it shows you what we know about dating:

feeling very needy right now-39M

my girlfreind left me for another man leaving me all alone, Do you want to be helper in making my life better, I need someone to take care of me and cook for me help me wash my clothes and help me going to work until my car is fixed. I am 6 feet tall and avergae sized, would like to meet women, and please have car for work, i will try and help you pay you back. i am alergic to cats also so don't have cats

ALLOW ME TO HELP SOLVE YOUR HUSBANDS INFERTILITY PROBLEM

I am a 56 year old male. I have decided to get a vasectomy next month and I would like to impregnate a woman before I have this procedure done. It would behoove you to act quickly for maximum exposure to my sperm. I will only do this naturally without condoms. If your husband can't do the job, I can.

Having been asked previously by several couples who were friends of mine to donate sperm, I learned from their doctors that I have an extreme sperm level. I can give you multiple loads of sperm per meeting to increase your chances of getting pregnant.

Many of my physical traits are influenced by recessive genes. Therefore, it is most likely that the child would resemble the mother in most instances. It will be easy to deceive your family and friends into thinking it is your husbands child. It will be our secret. You will not see me again.

If you are 18-24, healthy, attractive, I am available to you. I will be very attentive, supportive, and encouraging, during this process. My vasectomy is in 5 weeks so it would behoove you to contact me as soon as possible.

Just a shot in the dark here, but I've been trying out VigRX for a little while now, and I do notice that I'm getting harder and longer lasting erections (while in self-satisfying mode). It's supposed to be a penis enlargement pill, but apparently it has viagra like qualities as well. I do feel a lot harder. Before, I couldn't keep it up for very long with my girlfriend, but now I think that it might be helping.

Was wondering if any ladies out there would like to help me give it a test run before I try it on my girlfriend. She won't be back for a week so I just want to make sure. Steven XXX-XXX-XXXX

I Know How To Make You Cum. Even If You Haven't Before.

And I know how to do it too. I got some pointers listening to some woman on a talk radio show. Listeners called in. They asked questions and she gave good advice. I listened and took good notes. Now I know how to make women squirt. I can get you there even if you've never been able to experience your "Big-O" in the past. I'm available to host or travel. David XXX-XXX-XXXX

And two more from other sites:

“Here’s my problem: I just adore mature women at least my age or that tend to be 10-15 years my senior. I am baffled by the “type” of rejection that I have been getting lately. Now for the fourth time a woman has told me that I am “too handsome for her” and for that reason she told me that she’s not interested. Can some of you women tell me how this can be? It just doesn’t make sense to me.”

“Morning. I woke up with a random idea to get some drinks this morning. Any girls interested? I’m not looking for anything in particular, just a new friend to enjoy a couple drinks with (i’ll buy of course). I’m well educated, have an amazing job and enjoy meeting new people. Would love to go to one of the 6am bars soon.”

There are 6am bars?! See you losers later, I'm heading there now to meet an amazing girl who can handle my unrestrained handsomeness...

Via Why Women Hate Men.

Related:

Why Didn't We Think of That?: The Sex and Violence Shop

Doctor Sex is the New Teacher Sex

Smiths Speed Dating Really Happened

I Feel Bad About Your Chin, Meg Ryan

Wife Catch You Online Dating? Try Ashley Madison

Single Ladies (Put a Used Ring on It)

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 16:24:00 GMT

While there are a few things we will always buy new (vibrators!), these days, we're getting most everything second hand: furniture ($50 Craigslist couch!), clothes and cookware (vintage Pyrex!). And if we ever got engaged, we imagine we wouldn't mind a second-hand ring, especially if we could verify that said ring had a conflict-free diamond.

So when someone from I Do Now I Don't—an eBay-like auction site for wedding and engagement rings—wrote us, we thought it was a great idea. Sellers post their rings and bidders get better-than-retail prices. But then superstition kicked in and we wondered why anyone would want to wear a ring from a broken marriage or engagement.

Mara Opperman, of I Do Now I Don't, answered that question for us.

As Mark Twain once so eloquently put, “It is better to have old second-hand diamonds than none at all.”

You know the old saying, “one person’s trash is another person’s treasure.” Someone’s bad luck could be someone else's good luck. Also, what many people fail to realize is that chances are the ring they are wearing was on somebody else’s finger at some point. People return jewelry to stores all the time. When you are buying a ring at Tiffany’s for example, who's to say that ring wasn’t once returned. You just aren’t aware of it.

Then for the increasing number of brides that are focusing on keeping green, the good news is that diamonds are recycled all the time. Pop out a stone and put it in a new setting and most people couldn’t say whether the diamond was first cut 20 months or 20 years ago.

Finally, rings with history have value. Let’s not forget that rings get passed down through families. These rings are obviously “used” as well. And some of the most beautiful rings have been polished with love.

All in all, our site is a great way to make things affordable for people in these tough economic times.

As for our conflict-free concern, Opperman said most rings will come with a certificate or proof. But our favorite part of the site, really, is the page that helps us understand what all that karat business is about.

[I Do Now I Don't]

Related:

Holiday Gift Guide, Your Doomed Marriage Edition: Diamonds

Diamond Dave Assteroidz!

New Titty Mag at Harvard Has the Worst. Name. Ever.

I Hate Myself for Loving You: Charmin Ultra Strong

Girl Claims to Have Slept With 200+ Strangers, Thanks to Craig's List

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 19:05:00 GMT

We say: "Is that all?" Just kidding-- we don't sleep with strangers, as a rule, so this specie is baffling to us.

“I can’t explain the buzz I get from meeting someone for the first time and knowing that in a couple of hours we’ll be ripping each other’s clothes off. It’s addictive."

Yes, it's called sex addiction. You have it, Bill Clinton has it, pretty much everyone we know has it. That doesn't mean you're an awful person, however.

“A lot of women may call me a slag, but I’m not. The sex is on my terms — I call the shots.”

Well, it's refreshing to hear that you're in control, but calling the shots has nothing to do with why they're calling you "a slag."

The 25-year-old bar manager is hooked on net sex and has slept with 200 online date mates.
On average, she beds a different man every FIVE DAYS. She’s even had sex with THREE of them in ONE DAY.

Calm down, News of the World-- you Puritan pigs. We've never seen you run a story about a guy having sex with 200 women and calling him a sleazebag-- and if you did, we'd call you on your moral grandstanding for that, too...

“My friends will meet guys in clubs and take them home,” she argues. “That’s more risky than what I do because I can check mine out before we meet.
“I’ll always insist on safe sex and carry condoms. If the guy complains, I won’t meet him.”

Ah, finally, some sanity.

“I hear pals moan about their partners and thank my lucky stars I don’t have to put up with snoring, pants lying around or getting dinner ready.
“When I have a date, I put on sexy undies, drink wine with a gorgeous guy who takes me home and ravishes me.
“I’ll settle down one day but it’s too much fun at the moment.”

Read more about 25-year-old bar manager "Louise's" sexploits on News of the World.

Related:

Nude American Apparel Ads Aren't Going Away

Apparently, Times Square's Seedy Side Moved To Eugene, Oregon...

ABC Calls Drunken Teenage Anal Sex "Love Making," Interviews Jezzies and Ultimately Tries to be Helpful

Sloppy Seconds: Ted Haggard Speaks

Emily Farris — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 23:41:00 GMT

President Barack Obama (we love typing that!) overturned the Global Gag Rule today. [NYT]

We're not ones to let a little salmonella come between us and peanut butter, so we ate our peanut butter sandwich Girl Scout cookies before we even knew they were safe. [The Republican]

Also, we spent too much time on Craigslist today, but we found these gems:

This Kansas City gent wants a skinny girl, the kind other girls hate because she's so skinny. But only if "U R asked by other people if you have an eating disorder." [Craigslist Kansas City]

If a guy wants to lick you 'everywher' does it really matter if he can't spell? [Craigslist Corpus Christi]

Oh, and Facebook is probably ruining your relationship, whether you know it or not, so you might as well go on TV to talk about it. [Craigslist Austin]

We haven't heard anything from Ted Haggard since his gay sex/crystal Meth scandal. That's because the severance package from his church prevented him from talking. But in the HBO documentary, The Trials of Ted Haggard, he finally does. [VSL]

Hey, Cheap Rent! Oh, Wait... The Fine Print Is Pretty Insane...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 14:45:00 GMT

How many of you would move to Manhattan if you landed an apartment for less than $3,000 a month? Now, how many of you would take the place if it was in the happening East Village for $325, rent stabilized?

Put your hands down, because as you may have suspected, this one's a ripoff even at those prices...

This is a post we came across on Craig's List (to our friends out there who are reading this-- no, we're not moving-- but Good God, if this had been for real, we would be breaking leases left and right to make it happen). (Emphasis added.)

$325 EAST VILLAGE- Controlled and large 3 bed (East Village) (map)

-Wow…I can’t believe I am doing this..But I am looking for someone to rent my rent controlled apartment. The monthly rent is extremely cheap and would be a dream for many people in this city. It is in the east village close to A and 3rd. I caught my wife in bed with our neighbor who is almost 20 years younger than her. She is refusing to move out and still seeing him when I am at work, on my bed…I need someone to move in and help me get her out. Man or woman. My plan is to act like we are a couple until she can’t take it anymore. I have done everything possible to try and get her out..But she is a scumbag….So we need to create some type of plan that would get her out..i would charge you very cheap and all you would have to do is act like we are dating. We might have to kiss if front her and make fake sounds when we are in the bedroom. Please respond with a detailed description of your plan to get her out and a little about your self. You could live there after she is out and unless we fall in love we don’t have to do anything else.

Right... you don't have to do anything else. Wow-- we knew that some people too breakups a little hard and rebounds with unwarranted seriousness, but Holy Christ-- this is worse than those ads that start "I'm a downtown businessman with no time for a girlfriend; so, if you want to be my roommate, I only have one requirement: wear this French maid outfit at all times..."

Via Craig's List.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: The 69-Year-Old Pinup Dude

Vegas Is Boring, So Thank God Atlantic City's Still Sleazy...

Sex Shop Etiquette... From A $9-An-Hour Sex Shop Employee

News Anchor Fired After His Swingers Craigslist Ad Cracks Up The Office

RIP Newspapers

Scanner Matt — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:50:00 GMT

We apologize for yet another Daily Show segment, but this short video seems to wrap up the fate of gray paper with words printed on it. Take a moment of silence in your blog hopping out of respect for the death of palpable journalism then laugh at this funny video.

We're not sure if the death of the newspaper is truly upon us (yet) or if the age-old news source will just restructure itself according to modern times, but as always the wacky fake anchorman, Stewart, raises interesting questions with his basic cable charm and blue state wit.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Clusterf#@k to the Poor House - Final Edition Edition

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Related:

Presidents Who Smoke: A Photo History

Is this guy the Barack Obama of the GOP? Um, no.

**Bush: "People Voted For Barack Obama Because of Me" No sh*t!**

Filmmaker Skips the Glass Eye, Goes Straight for the Webcam

Emily Farris — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 22:01:00 GMT

This is by far the creepiest, and coolest, thing we've heard of in a long time. Rob Spence, a filmmaker, has one prosthetic eye. But instead of some fake eye, he'd rather have a web cam put in that socket.

He's already apparently "sought consultation from the University of Toronto's Steve Mann, a self-proclaimed expert in the field of wearable computing and cyborgs."

Eyeborg!

And he's not the only one.

Tanya Vlach, an artist who lost her eye in a 2005 car accident would also like a web cam for an eye.

We have so many questions. Like, would they have to have some kind of wireless card permanently implanted? And would they ever turn it off? What about when they have diarrhea? Or when they're having sex with someone who would rather not be broadcast to the world? What if they had sex with each other?? Would he be allowed in the locker room at the gym?

Either way, this will be so much more fun than coming home drunk and looking at Craigslist. Do it, do it!

[Engadget: Filmmaker hopes to replace false eye with webcam, become a superhero]

Related:

Prosthetic Parts for Boys and Girls... Can We Wear Both at the Same Time?

Apotemnophilia: Something We Don't Actually Have

Does Katherine Heigl Think Judd Apatow is "Sexist?"

"Step Right Up! Enter Our Prostitution Raffle..."

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 19:44:00 GMT

An adviser at Ohio State was arrested in his friend's home for organizing and operating a $10-a-ticket raffle for a night with a young prostitute.

This is one of those stories that just improves with every emerging detail...

Christopher Johnson, who works as an adviser at OSU's nursing school, was busted for promoting prostitution after launching the raffle through a Craigslist posting, then throwing a party for ticketholders at his friend Rusty Blades' house. Unfortunately, "Rusty Blades" is a real estate agent and not a porn star, although we're totally reserving the right to use the name in perpetuity.

Here's the kicker: the alleged prostitute is 31-year-old Vanise Dunn, who is child sex-abuse worker at the local Childrens Services center. Hot damn!

Photo of OSU coeds for illustrative purposes only.

Related:

Not To Be Outdone, Sunday School Teacher Gets In On The Jailbait Action

Sloppy Seconds: The Evangelical Sex Craze

Louisiana Teacher Gets Closer to Student By Sleeping with His Father

Dad Nobly Defends Son Against Rape Charges... Oh, Wait...

While You Were Sleeping: Who's #1 on Yahoo?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 15:07:00 GMT

Our server had some issues this morning, but we're up and running now...

A woman showed her daughter's friend how to have sex. You know, liberal-sex-ed style.

Did you miss Hillary Clinton's historic moment?

Darwin couldn't be happier: two guys stole a car, got into a shootout with the po-po, and ended up in a high-speed chase on the wrong side of the highway, where they rammed another car head on. The other car? Stolen.

Ray Winstone approves of his daughter Jaime's nude scenes (see above photo.) In fact, he can't wait to-- yuck-- watch them.

A Colorado man is being sued by his ex-girlfriend and her attorney for libelous comments he made in the Rants and Raves section of Craigslist.

A woman was arrested in Nigeria for burning her servant's penis after the 18-year-old took off with some of her money.

It's a sad state of affairs when someone as boring and unattractive as Britney Spears tops Yahoo's most-searched list for the fourth year in a row. Guys, it's time to find someone more interesting to fantasize about.

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 10-6

Dad Nobly Defends Son Against Rape Charges... Oh, Wait...

Mom Films Her Boyfriend Having Sex with Her 13-Year-Old Daughter

The English Are Still Too Prudish To Appreciate Nudity

Sloppy Seconds: The Craigslist Crackdown on Hookers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 21:53:00 GMT

The awesome sounding Ghostbusters game, featuring the original cast and creators, will be out in 2009, thanks to Atari, who rescued the franchise.

A heartbreaking post from a lesbian mom in California is here. Madonna, meanwhile, attacked Prop 8 in an LA concert and had Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake perform live with her, albeit at separate times.

A male major in the Japanese air force was busted for shopping for women's underwear... while naked.

Kanye West broke his media silence to give an interview in Singapore about what the Beatles mean to him.

Race was not a factor in the election in West Virginia. Take that, Bill Clinton!

Samantha Who star Christina Applegate will undergo reconstructive surgery following her double mastectomy.

Michelle Monaghan gave birth to a wee lil' gal.

And Craigslist will no charge $10 per erotic service ad, in an apparent attempt to crush the human trafficking that's been going on there.