Why You Should Get It On Before Saying "I Do" Or: Jamaica's Newspapers Crack Our Sh*t Up

Emily Farris — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 16:21:00 GMT

Often in our tired Monday morning Google news searches for terms like "penis" we come across the most random stories in other countries' newspapers. Mostly they make us 1. proud to be Americans (where at least we know we're free!) and 2. grateful for Dan Savage.

Today, in the Jamaica Observer, we hear from a woman who found out her new husband's peen was too small. That's right. She found out once he was her husband. While it's not an incredibly unusual circumstance, we can't help but want a little more from Jamaica's "Dr." Mitchell, who is sorry, suggests a little love, a lot of patience and "best wishes."

Dear Dr. Mitchell,

I very recently got married after deciding to save myself for marriage. I am a Christian and my husband and I didn't even kiss deeply before we got married.

My problem is that I discovered on our wedding night that he has a very small penis, and even when he penetrated me I felt no pain, nor did I bleed, because I don't even think his penis got to the part where my hymen is located.

This means that sex between us is very unsatisfactory, as you can imagine. My religion forbids even the use of tampons and my husband isn't willing to use his fingers - by the way his middle finger seems long enough to do the job. There will be no other kind of sex (positions), he says, and I am sad that I may have condemned myself to a life where I will be a virgin forever. I'm even more scared of the possibility of getting pregnant and having to endure a "virgin" birth! What do you advise?

===
I am sorry to learn about the frustrations that you experience with your new husband, as it relates to sexual activity. Intimacy and a good sexual relationship are important in a marriage but this is not the beginning and end of everything. When you both got married, you did so because of the love you have for each other and you took vows that you would be committed and stay together for better or for worse.

[Blah, blah, blah. Patience. Love. Pills. Chromosomes. Books. And a suggestion he use something other than his penis even though she already said he wouldn't put his fingers up there.]

When you do become pregnant you should not worry about having to give birth on the background that your husband's penis is small. If it is deemed necessary that you should deliver vaginally then I assure you that you will manage quite well. Best wishes.

We're not too aware of thes sexual mores in Jamaica (anyone? ProfRobert?) but aren't sex columns supposed to be fun?

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This Week In Gayness: Two Major Male Movie Stars Make Out

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 22:01:00 GMT

As we've already mentioned, Boy George was sentenced to 15 months in prison for having sex with a male escort.

Strangest headline of the week: 'No son, your school can't have that new computer because gay people eat soup'

Stan Lee supports the gays... once more.

Speaking of comic books, was Tintin gay?

The above photo is of Ewan McGregor and Jim Carrey about to kiss in-- believe it or not-- the true story of two men who fall in love in prison.

"I Love You, Phillip Morris" is not the only gay-themed movie sweeping Sundance. Next up is "Humpday," a movie about a "bromance" that turns into gay porn, and which has already been sold.

The Reverend Al Sharpton lambasted the Mormon church for supporting California's Proposition 8.

And Dan Savage is going after Rick Warren in the same manner he did with Rick Santorum. Anyone up for some saddleback tonight?

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