Scanner : dancing with the stars

"Sex and The City" Sequel: Mr. Big is Back!

Emily Farris — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 21:36:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Sex and The City fans rejoice! Chris Noth is on board. Sarah Jessica Parker, overlord of all things SATC, said so.

SJP also commented on Gilles Marini's involvement in the project. Turns out she could give less of a shit about that shirtless dancing fool.

Read more...

Lisa Rinna Poses For Playboy At 45, Just For the Hell of It

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:51:00 GMT

Lisa Rinna doesn't need Hugh Hefner's money. The former Melrose Place and Days Of Our Lives star is quite content to do Broadway with her husband and the occasional season of Dancing With the Stars.

But she says she wanted to prove that her body is still great at nearly half a century. What do you think?

Rinna, who is married to actor Harry Hamlin, says her husband encouraged her to show off her body in this month's Playboy. The actress, who has had plastic surgery and botox, didn't need to think it over for too long. And the idea of doing a Mrs. Robinson-inspired shoot with her favorite photographer was icing on the cake:

In 1998, Rinna created a stir when she posed for a nude pictorial while six months pregnant in the September issue of Playboy magazine. She will pose again in 2009. Rinna explains she received direct orders from Playboy photographer Deborah Anderson, who also shot Rinna for the Room 23 book. "She said, 'I do not want you long and sinewy and angular and muscular. I want you soft,' " says Rinna. "This was really hard for me because being 45 years old and posing for Playboy, you want to amp it up," Rinna told People. [Wikipedia]

America's Next Topless Model Is... The Judge

While You Were Sleeping: The Accidental Porn Screening

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:57:00 GMT

Another day and another story indicating Al Franken is closer than ever to becoming Senator from Minnesota... five months after his election.

The pedestrian who died of a heart attack during the G20 protest in England is seen in a video just moments before his death being assaulted by police for the crime of not walking away fast enough.

Tommy Lee's porn-star-loving pilot had his license officially revoked after the Judge saw that blow job video...

Costa Rican police are investigating allegations made by the paparazzi that they were chased away from the Gisele Bundchen-Tom Brady wedding by gunfire.

David Allen Grier was voting off that dancing show about B-list stars getting their big break.

Fidel Castro asked how he can help Barack Obama's Presidency.

Meanwhile, Kal Penn has been hired by the Barack Obama Presidency.

A substitute teacher accidentally showed the regular teacher's porn tape during a geography class.

Moran Stirring Up Controversy By Suggesting We Need To Get Rid Of Obama

While You Were Sleeping: If Even Apple Is In Trouble...

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

Skinny Blonde Beer As Misogynist As It Is Gimmicky

Sarah Palin Porn Ain't Goin' Nowhere, No Ho Ho Ho

While You Were Sleeping: John Mayer's Penis

Is That a Boner in Your Pants or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Emily Farris — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 15:14:00 GMT

Having grown up sans penis, we've never had to endure the humiliation of a public boner. Sure, we've had to help tame a few but lucky for us, everything is contained nicely in our clothes. Hell, we never even had to worry about nipping. Throughout high school and—sadly—for much of our twenties we wore a padded bra (still hoping those boobs will come in any day now!). So while we've not been on the, uh, giving end of the awkward boner we may have, at some point in our lives, laughed at a few. The new blog Awkward Boners now allows us to do that all we want in the privacy of our own homes.

Today in teacher sex....

If you'd like to see these in their native habitat, visit Brighton Beach, Brooklyn.

Somebody get this kid a pizza box. Stat!

[Awkward Boners]

Related:

Shawn Johnson And Her Partner's Johnson Slip

Top 5 Obvious Public Boners

So Lap Dances Aren't Acceptable at High School Basketball Games?

SATC Penis Guy's Wife Loves His Sexy Dancing

Emily Farris — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 19:33:00 GMT

This is Gilles Marini. Like us, you may not recognize the name Gilles Marini. In fact, you might not even recognize his face. But if you saw the Sex and the City movie you probably caught a glimpse of his sizable schlong. Or if you (unlike Scanner Brian) have been watching Dancing with the Stars, you might also have seen his junk—through his dance pants, of course. And you know what? Keep looking. Look all you want. Because his wife doesn't give a fuuuuck. In fact, she's not even worried that his partner is Cheryl Burke, who was rumored* to have been sleeping with her DWTS Season One partner, Drew Lachey. So, why is Marini's wife Carole so comfortable with her husband getting other women all hot and bothered?

Because “she’s French,” said Marini. “The more sexy it is [on the show] the better it is for her. Tonight she told me, ‘I saw that shaking booty stuff, you’re going to have to show it to me [at home].”

“Imagine if you do that job and you have a wife in the house or a husband in the house who is very kind of jealous and possessive, things would collapse,” he said in an interview with the website jenandbarbmomlife.com. “If I don’t have my wife at my side I have nothing. And so she is there pushing me and always kissing me and saying, ‘I am so proud of you.’”

Apparently, she pushes real good. The couple have been married for eleven years and have two children together.

[People: Gilles Marini Says Wife Loves His Sexy Dancing]

Related:

Shawn Johnson And Her Partner's Johnson Slip

McCain's Fem-bot Wife Wants to Go 'Dancing With the Stars'

Sloppy Seconds: Which "Dancing With the Stars" Star Will Pose for Playboy?

Crushed: Kim Kardashain's Dreams of Dancing With the Stars (Outside the Bedroom, Anyway)

[Image]

*We are not trying to perpetuate this rumor, only acknowlede its existence.

Shawn Johnson And Her Partner's Johnson Slip

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 15:38:00 GMT

We don't watch TV. Period. We download Breaking Bad, watch 30 Rock online, and sneak over to the neighbors when Weeds is airing new episodes. Other than that, there's really no reason to ever turn on the television for anything but DVDs or Nintendo.

But we kind of wish we'd seen this broadcast of Dancing With the Stars because we'd like to think we would have caught it before Deadpsin did...

And the detail that censors missed:

That Johnson (no, the other one) belongs to Marc Ballas (no pun intended), who is suddenly the most famous member (no pun intended) of this pair (really, this is unintentional.) As Deadpsin notes, Shawn is not exactly thrilled with this week's developments-- first, some crazy guy may have tried to kidnap her; then, the above image, which is all anyone wants to talk about from her performance.

Then again, she should have said something to Marc-- doesn't she know what that kind of fabric will do to a guy's Johnson and Ballas?

Rubber Penis a "misappropriation of taxpayers' money and extremely offensive"

The Tale of the Penis Thief

Jessica Simpson's... Ass Slip?

Sloppy Seconds: 'Saved by the Bell' Reunion

Emily Farris — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 23:02:00 GMT

We would like to preface these very sloppy seconds by telling you we think these things are true. But you know how media outlets like to play April Fool's jokes. Ugh.

Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak has been voted off of "Dancing with the Stars." [Yahoo!]

Chris Brown has an entire women's basketball team to beat up. [Us]

Mariah Carey celebrated her 40th birthday with husband Nick Cannon. In other news Mariah Carey is 40! [People]

Kim Kardashian is taking legal action against the porno "Keeping Up With the KardASSians." [FadedYouth]

Jimmy Fallon planned to reunite the entire cast of "Saved by the Bell" (yes!) but failed (noooo!). [Vulture]

Cloris Leachman Wears Only Cabbage for Her PETA Ad

Emily Farris — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 14:49:00 GMT

Last year Pamela Anderson posed for a PETA ad wearing only lettuce. Not to be outdone by a rookie, 82-year-old Cloris Leachman—who we can honestly say we want to be just like when we grow up—decided she would pose for the animal rights organization wearing only cabbage.

We had no idea Leachman was a vegetarian, and honestly we have a hard time believing she's been able to kick it for so many years without a little red meat in her diet, but if so, more power to her.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: The Pope Spreads a Little AIDS With His Gospel

Cloris Leachman Won't Wait For Her Entree, Wants You Now

Cloris Leachman Makes Bad Reality Show Halfway Watchable, Sexy

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Cloris Leachman Won't Wait For Her Entree, Wants You Now

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 13:44:00 GMT

Seeing The Last Picture Show on VHS at age 12 did three things for our childhood: 1) we finally understood why men salivated over Cybill Shepherd; 2) we became madly obsessed with the honky tonk music of Hank Williams and 3) we developed a crush on an actress we assumed was still a total unknown, an Oscar winner named Cloris Leachman.

In the movie, Leachman seduces (or allows herself to be seduced by) a shy high school boy, who ultimately falls in love with her and loses her in a fit of miscommunication. Leachman, who plays an aging housewife in a heartbreaking marriage, gives one of the best performances in screen history and virtually could have been her own movie.

Last year, when Leachman was on Dancing With the Stars, her career took off again and, to capitalize on it, the sexy senior is dishing dirt on her romances with famous co-stars and other Hollywood dudes, leaving out none of the racy details...

On then box-office sensation Gene Hackman:

"As we moved into the main course, it was as if a cosmic wind enveloped us. Some giant space magnet was pulling us together. We didn't finish the meal. We went upstairs, flew into bed and made love. It was epic. And the next morning, Gene went back to his film and I went back to mine. I haven't seen Gene since that night, but I remember well the feisty lad he was."

On Ed Asner, her co-star on the Mary Tyler Moore Show (yep, that's where you know her from):

"He always told me he loved me, and every once in a while, he'd grab me and whisper, 'You're God's gift to man!'

"One day we made an agreement that I would have sex with him if he lost 32 pounds. He almost did it; he lost 29 pounds. We both got so disoriented at what we were facing that his weight shot back up, and our assignation never happened."

And on singer Andy Williams, a lifelong friend:

"enduring passion" "tryst with caviar and champagne" "a cascade of photographs fell onto the floor and into my lap. All were handsome shots of his wife and his daughter.
"There was not much either of us could say. It was apparent to both of us where Andy's heart lay. . . . [It] ended not in a fiery affair but as it should have, with a light, friendly kiss."

In case 82-year-old Leachman is starting to turn you on, there's this news from yesterday:

68 percent of men between 57 and 85 reported having sex last year, as did 42 percent of women... more older women might have wanted to have sex, but there just aren't as many available older men for them to partner with. [HealthDay]

That's where you come in, dear readers...

Excerpts obtained by the NY Post.

Related:

Cloris Leachman Makes Bad Reality Show Halfway Watchable, Sexy

While You Were Sleeping: Ashley Alexandra Dupre Finally Talked

Has Kim Kardashian's DWTS Partner Seen Her Sex Tape?

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 50-41

Reason Number 379 To Hate The New York Post...

Sloppy Seconds: Portia de Rossi Apologizes for Getting Gay Married

Emily Farris — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 23:01:00 GMT

A court in Los Angeles has issued a restraining order against a man who is apparently obsessed with "Dancing With the Stars" contestant and former Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson after he tried to break into the set of the show. [NYT]

Newly-single Madonna plans to adopt another Malawian child. [Us]

Nicole Kidman has joined the cast of the new Woody Allen film. [Yahoo!]

Yet another magazine has folded. This time it's the music mag Blender. [AdAge]

Portia de Rossi has publicly apologized for her gay marriage. On the Jimmy Kimmel show, of course. [The Remote Island]

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Wacko Right-Wing Politician Hit With Nude Photo Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:02:00 GMT

Pauline Hanson has railed against an "Asian invasion" in Australia, been to jail for electoral fraud, appeared on Dancing With the Stars, and made a strong political comeback, all over the course of a relatively brief career.

Now, Hanson's bid "as an independent at the upcoming 2009 Queensland state election" may be in jeopardy after a series of nude and raunchy photos have surfaced...

When Hanson was 19, she posed for another teenager who she fell for thanks to his awesome Harley Davidson motorcycle. At least, that's what her now ex-boyfriend told the Australian papers that originally published these photos. At some point, he convinced her to pose for his camera:

Unfortunately, these censored pics are the only ones released by the media.

Two things: one, this girl looks older than 19 and two, how can we be sure this is her? Hanson denies it, flat out, although that's the obvious talking point for a right-wing politician. The publisher of the original photos claims that his paper did "a very, very extensive checking process which... involves stripping out colours, looking at the pixel count in images. These images are not doctored. They are not fakes, it's not her head stuck on somebody else's body."

While the model may be entirely human, how do we know the model is Pauline Hanson?

Australia's major political parties could care less-- they were in unanimous agreement that the photos will not affect this weekend's election...

Read more about this story here.

Related:

Ex-Detroit Mayor Gets All Sexy With the Texts

Germany's Biggest Sex Scandal Comes To A Sudden End

Here's A Kind of Teacher Sex Story We've Never Seen Before

Someone Tell These Cheerleaders They Don't Need to Try So Hard

"Girl Next Door" Holly Isn't The Best "DWTS" Dancer, But She Has Hot Girlfriends [VIDEO]

Emily Farris — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:58:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Disclaimer: For a midseason replacement, Holly did just fine. She’d only had 6 days of rehearsal time prior to her debut cha-cha. And we tend to find these early Dancing With the Stars Performances super duper 7th grade cotillion awkward, anyway. Also, that outfit looked great on her. Not 7th grade cotillion at all. She did fine.

Now, you take a look:

Read more...

"Dancing With The Stars": Jewel's Out, "Girl Next Door" Holly Madison Is In

Emily Farris — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 19:52:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Jewel and Access Hollywood host Nancy O'Dell have both dropped out of Dancing With the Stars, as coincidentally, both women have suffered from injuries that prevent them from dancing on the show.

McCain's Fem-bot Wife Wants to Go 'Dancing With the Stars'

Scanner Matt — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 16:22:00 GMT

Today Page Six claims their "impeccably placed source" says, "Just before Thanksgiving, Cindy McCain started talks with producers to appear as a dancer on the show (Dancing With the Stars)."

Really?

This impeccably placed source also claims, "She wanted to do it very badly." But this week, Sen. McCain "put the kibosh on it."

Booooooooooo

What is this, Footloose? (If you haven't noticed the giant movie poster we published with this post)

Related:

John and Sarah Still Need Some Time Apart

Drug Charges, Palin Family

Did You Get Your Money's Worth at College?

Sloppy Seconds: Which "Dancing With the Stars" Star Will Pose for Playboy?

Emily Farris — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 23:06:00 GMT

How many things are wrong with this picture? Britney Spears' dad Jamie has been making about $10,000 to "look after her," but he just got a raise of $51,000 a year, making about $75 an hour to babysit his daughter. [People]

Barack Obama has chosen to use Abraham Lincoln's Bible for his swearing in. [Radar]

If you were an editor at the New York Times and the mayor of Paris sent you a letter criticizing the prospect of Caroline Kennedy taking over Hillary Clinton's Senate seat, wouldn't you just check to make sure it was really from the mayor of Paris? Maybe? Oops. [Jossip]

Sometimes we forget just how skinny celebrities are. You know, celebs like.... Billy Bob Thornton? [NYDN]

Today, we went looking for a music video we could have sworn we saw just a few short days ago on YouTube. Could it be gone because Warner music has pulled all of its artists' videos from the site? [Yahoo!]

45-year-old mother of two and Dancing With the Stars alum Lisa Rinna will pose yet again for Playboy, according to Extra. [FadedYouth]

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: Ashley Alexandra Dupre Finally Talked

Emily Farris — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 16:03:00 GMT

We haven't been watching this season of Dancing With the Stars but we have been watching clips of Cloris Leachman and her cleavage online and we're sad to say she's not one of the top three contestants on the show. [Yahoo!]

Stem-cell surgery: coming to a human organ near you. [NYT]

Malia and Sasha Obama got their first tour of the White House yesterday. They were invited by Laura Bush to check out their new rooms. [Us]

In her first interview since she was found to be pleasuring former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer for money, Ashley Alexandra Dupre spoke with People. What would she like you to know? That she's a normal girl. [People]

Scanner Nicole, who already knew this, will be watching Diane Sawyer interview Dupre Friday night on 20/20. Expect a full report. [Daily News]

Cloris Leachman Makes Bad Reality Show Halfway Watchable, Sexy

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 20:10:00 GMT

82-year-old Oscar and Emmy-winning actress Cloris Leachman has taken our popular culture by storm with her latest comeback role... on a reality show.

Leachman, who starred in Young Frankenstein and on the Mary Tyler Moore Show, is back in the spotlight again after surviving four elimination rounds on Dancing With the Stars, a show she was, according to today's New York Times, the star was rejected from twice...

If you can't understand why we'd find an 82-year-old still sexy, check out this excerpt from the Times story. Speaking to a male reporter on what she might do next:

“I could get pregnant,” she said in an interview in her trailer, where, completely coincidentally, she insisted on changing out of her ballroom gown in front of a reporter. “I’ve got a bit of time before my next project. Maybe I’ll be on ‘American Idol.’ ” [New York Times]

What idiot was it that said "only men get better with age?" Whoever it was, they've just been proved completely wrong...

Here's Leachman in 1971's the Last Picture Show, in which she somehow makes prim and plain look sexy as hell...

Warning: You probably shouldn't watch this at work.

I Love Myself For Loving You: Patricia Clarkson

Today in WTF: Ex-Candidate For Kentucky Gov. Arrested For Sex Offenses After Obvious Joke

Move Over Lazy Young People, Persephone Lewin's Day Puts Yours To Shame

Crushed: Kim Kardashain's Dreams of Dancing With the Stars (Outside the Bedroom, Anyway)

Emily Farris — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:37:00 GMT

Apparently Kim Kardashian is just as exciting on the dance floor as she is in the bedroom.

That's not very exciting, for anyone who hasn't seen her sex tape.

Kardashian was kicked off of ABC's "Dancing With the Stars" last night, after a "lackluster ramba routine." Mmhmm.

She and her partner, Mark Ballas, received a score of 17 out of 30, and after that score was combined with viewer votes, the pair was booted.

[Yahoo!: 3rd celebrity gone from 'Dancing With the Stars]

Related:

Has Kim Kardashian's DWTS Partner Seen Her Sex Tape?

All Right, Fine... We'll Show You Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape...

Hot or Not? Kim Kardashian Poses for "Ralph"

Mean Girls: Paris Hilton Calls Former BFF's Ass "Cottage Cheese Inside a Trash Bag"

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Sloppy Seconds: What Did Tina Fey Lose at the Emmys?

Emily Farris — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 21:04:00 GMT

Josh Groban says that "coffee and Nick at Nite" helped him prepare for his Emmy performance last night. Really? We were thinking crack and cheese. [People]

Um. Lowest rated Emmys. Ever. [The Feed]

Even with the part where that guy from Dancing With the Stars dropped Heidi Klum on her ass? At least she showed us her bruise. [FadedYouth]

Are the Cyruses trying to get fired from Disney? God, we hope so. [MollyGood]

The plane crash that killed four people and left DJ AM and Travis Barker badly burned may have been the result of a faulty tire. [Us]

Tina Fey didn't lose her composure, her top or her virginity at the Emmys. Nope, she just lost her purse. We think Josh Groban stole it. Hoping to find Sarah Palin's crack. Everyone gets so confused at these things. [People]

Has Kim Kardashian's DWTS Partner Seen Her Sex Tape?

Emily Farris — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 15:11:00 GMT

Celebutante Kim Kardashian joins the likes of Lance Bass, Chef Rocco Dispirito, Susan Lucci, Toni Braxton and Cloris Leachman for the seventh season of Dancing With the Stars.

On her MySpace blog, Kardashian talks a lot about her anxiety over meeting her dance partner, Mark Ballas.

“All I could think was, I would be spending weeks and weeks and weeks, hours upon hours with this person, so I hoped we’d just get along to start!”

Riiight, Kimmers. You were just worried he'd seen your sex tape.

We only hope her performance on DWTS has a little more energy than her sex tape. And based on this picture we found, we think she'll be okay:

But what do you think?

[People: Kim Kardashian Traces Her DWTS Journey]

Hot or Not? Kim Kardashian Poses for "Ralph"

Mean Girls: Paris Hilton Calls Former BFF's Ass "Cottage Cheese Inside a Trash Bag"

Sloppy Seconds: Kim Kardashian's Cheap, Sexy Christmas Underwear Guide

Barbara Walters to Kim Kardashian: Why Are You Famous?

Sloppy Seconds: C-ya L8-R, TRL

Emily Farris — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 21:29:00 GMT

Lance Bass will be the first openly gay contestant to appear on Dancing With the Stars. And in case you're wondering, he will be dancing with a woman. [People]

Al Gore is to the Internet as John McCain is to the Blackberry? [Jossip]

We officially like Todd Palin far more than we like Sarah (we feel sorry for him, too). [Gawker]

Musical vibrators? Sign us up! [Queerty]

After ten long, party-top-filled years, MTV's TRL, originally known as Total Request Live, has been canceled. This will clear Times' Square and very important brain space for many people. [Us]

Sloppy Seconds: No, Wait... This Is The Worst Show Ever

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Gustav, that finicky fuck, passed over Jamaica and is making a turn toward Cuba and our friends in the Southern states...

Early reports suggest Republican leaders are generally pleased with McCain's VP choice.

Do we agree with Fleshbots list of the Top Ten Waiter Sex Videos?

As frequent restaurant patrons, we know a lot about good (and bad) service. Yet somehow, even in the fanciest of restaurants we've never seen a waitstaff quite as attentive as the ones you'll see in today's video roundup. We hope they were tipped very generously — they certainly all the tips they can get. After the jump, check out ten restaurant service professionals who deserve way more than 20%.

This baby switch story is all the more upsetting because one of the babies is dead. It's like that old samauri movie about the guy who thinks his kid's been kidnapped, only to find out the kidnappers grabbed his chauffeur's boy instead.

This review of Disaster Movie would probably be even harsher had the critic actually been made to watch that film.

We're not sure how we would've gone on living: Kim Kardashian's toe is healing, thank you very much, and she's still doing Dancing With The Stars.

Got 26 grand to spare? Every month? You can live where Heath Ledger died, if that's your thing.

And is this the worst idea for a show you've ever heard? As far as we know, this is the ENTIRE premise of the program:

Premiering on, big shocker, Fox on September 7th.

Kim Kardashian And Carmen Electra Size Each Other Up, Wrestle, Cuddle

Sloppy Seconds: New Apprentice Set To Be Worst TV Show Ever

Exorcist: Keep It In Your Pants Or Beelzebub's Gonna Getcha

While You Were Sleeping: The Heath Ledger Investigation

While You Were Sleeping: Anne Hathaway and the Cops

While You Were Sleeping: Which TV Female Character Do You Wanna Be?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 13:15:00 GMT

Morgan Freeman was released from the hospital and will have to wear a neck brace for six months or more.

Don't read this if you want to go on disliking Lauren Conrad.

Who are the two richest kids in Showbiz? If you guessed Ricky Schroeder, you really aren't reading the right blog...

1= Miley Cyrus, $26 million (GBP13 million) 1= Daniel Radcliffe, $26 million (GBP13 million) 3. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, $15 million (GBP7.5 million) 4. The Jonas Brothers, $12 million (GBP6 million) 5. Zac Efron, $5.8 million (GBP2.9 million).

We don't think the Jonas Brothers should count because there are, what, how many of them... and re-spawning every minute?

The World's Greatest Dad is guilty of being one of the world's scuzziest.

Obama and Bush were the targets one of main's assassination plots, unrelated to yesterday's story about the teenage boy who planned to kill W.

What do you think of Defamer's list of the Top 10 TV Characters Women Want To Be Like And Women Want To Be With? Sexist? Spot on?

Tom Selleck will join "Dancing With The Stars?" He's not looking too shabby these days, either, he's probably in proper shape...

And Battlestar Galactica fans, rejoice: a two-hour special will air... next year.

Related:

"World's Greatest Dad" Arrested In Online Sex Sting

"Battlestar Galactica": In Desperate Need of a Safeword?

Sloppy Seconds: Is Sarah Jessica Parker the Unsexiest Woman In Hollywood?

Top 10 Teen Pop Stars

Sloppy Seconds: Which Pop Star Might Play The Lead In The Next Tarantino Film?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 21:20:00 GMT

A screen capture from the new Woody Allen film. By the way, that's Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz.

Morgan Freeman that may have had his mistress with him in the car crash that caused him serious harm: it turns out he is also going through a divorce.

British model Katie Price has Olympic fever: she's gearing up for 2012.

Twenty six Texas cheerleaders tried to break a pointless record by stuffing themselves into one elevator. Can you guess what happened?

The elevator successfully descended from the fourth floor to the first, but the doors refused to open.

The panicked girls managed to wiggle a few cell phones free to call for help. But it took about 25 minutes before a repairman was able to fix the door, police said.

Can you picture Toni Braxton or some other sometime A-listers on "Dancing With The Stars?"

Quentin Tarantino is reportedly in talks with Britney's reps about her playing a lesbian stripper in his remake of "Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!"

Scarlett Johansson dismisses reports her makeout scene with Penelope Cruz is gonna be bonerrific. Learn more about this story in The Screengrab.

Who Would You Rather: Elizabeth Berkley or Tyra Banks?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 16:30:00 GMT

Because if it was Padma Lakshmi vs. Anyone Including Venus, this would've been flippin' obvious.

We're pretty sure no one watches Bravo unless "Top Chef" is on, but maybe there are some people who aren't satiated by "Dancing With the Stars" that they need yet another dance show. Or maybe they're just fans of Elizabeth Berkley and haven't stopped fantasizing about her since "Showgirls"-- or worse, "Saved By The Bell," the unfunniest show in history, a history which includes "Sex And The City."

Okay, okay, now we're just trying to piss you off. Gotcha! (Not that we're retracting any of the above statements.) Seriously now, Tyra Banks is obviously hot and her hosting duties on "America's Next Top Model" haven't hindered her standing as one of the few intelligent women currently hosting a daytime talk show.

But what about Berkley in the pool in "Showgirls?" Then again, there's every photo of Tyra Banks ever released by a reputable publication... hmmm...

Tucker: A Man And His Bowtie

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 19:05:00 GMT

Are you sitting down? (Wait, you read Scanner while bending over?) Ladies and gentleman... Tucker Carlson has been canceled. I know, I know... you're all thinking: oh, man! Wait, Tucker who?

Well, we here at Scanner aim to learn you people right. For Tucker Carlson has been part of many historic moments in TV history, and caused so many more. From his brawl with Jon Stewart to his insult to dancing on "Dancing With the Stars," Tuck has rewarded viewers with much unintentional humor over the years, as beautifully summed up in a video by 23/6...

This one-minute video is a wonderful summation of the career of everyone's favorite whimpy conservative stuck in an 1808 time warp. However, Scanner would like to elaborate on and possibly even try to explain how this great man, the illegitimate product of James Carville and Greta van Susteren, got to where he is now... which is, um, cable access?

1) Tucker Carlson, a white boy, is born in San Francisco in the 1960s, grows up to love bowties, and is very, very, very, very, very not gay.

2) Tucker is accused of rape by a deranged woman in a city he has never visited. Ever since, Tucker has no sympathy for anyone and gives loads of money to the Republican Party.

3) Tucker reported on then-Governor George W. Bush's mocking of soon-to-be-executed Christian Tanya Faye Tucker's life. Conservatives have boycotted him ever since.

4) Our boy was in favor of the war before he was against it. Clinton/Carlson '08 does have a nice ring to it.

5) In a dynamite 2004 appearance on Tucker's and Paul Begala's CNN shoutshow Crossfire, a presumably obliterated Jon Stewart chastises Tucker and his co-host for being "partisan hacks." The audience roars its approval, especially when Stewart asked Tucker why Tucker wore a bowtie at his age. By complete coincidence, CNN cancels Crossfire.

6) Tucker appears on a season premiere of "Dancing With the Stars." Despite endorsements from Carville and Al Sharpton, his performance is equated with a two-year-long dump.

Goodbye, Tuck, and see you on the campaign trail.

Don't miss the video, seen here.

Sloppy Seconds: George Clooney is to Hillary Clinton as Daniel Day Lewis is to Barack Obama

Emily Farris — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 22:13:00 GMT

George Clooney thinks he's the Hillary Clinton of the Oscars, with Daniel Day Lewis starring as Obama. And he thinks that's bad news for himself and Hillary.

Priscilla Presley joins the newest cast of Dancing With the Stars.

Will.I.Am is planning a second Obama video.

Call us "white trash" if you want, but there's a reason we always take our drink to the bathroom.

Because his face is currently imploding—making him unavailable for photo shoots— Janet Jackson posed as her brother Michael for the cover of Vibe. (In all honesty, we don't know why she did it, but that guess is as good as any, right?)

We're not fans of diamonds, and if we ever get engaged, we want something fairly traded (hear that, gentlemen?) or this fucking killer ring that gives new meaning to "blood diamond." Bonus if you find a fair-trade killer diamond.