Scanner : demi moore

Younger Men Say "Do Not Want" To Older Women?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 17:16:00 GMT

The Boston Globe has a story today about a woman who has been failing to successfully organize speed dating events pairing "older" women and "younger" men. The men, it seems, won't even register in numbers great enough to prevent her service from automatically canceling it.

As our resident expert on dating older women, I can safely say that the myth that Demi-Ashton relationships are on the way out can be easily disproved...

First, let's address this chunk of text:

Sure, Demi Moore broke a mold, and I know a few couples - family members and friends of friends - who represent the highly publicized demographic of older women and younger men, but the dating industry will tell you that for the most part that demographic is a myth. Men still seek younger women, especially as those men get older themselves.
"It's the general rules, what happens when people hook up and go into a relationship," said Mark Brooks, an online dating industry consultant who runs Online Personals Watch. "With men dating women, it tends to be up to six years younger but it will only be up to two years older."
And why is that?
"Guys tend to have unrealistic expectations," said Brooks, who bragged that he is one of the mythical Ashton Kutcher-types (he recently dated someone nine years older than him). "Most men are too busy looking at magazines and not busy enough looking in the mirror."

Wait, guys tend to have unrealistic expectations? From looking at magazines?! Please, both sexes have this problem and it greatly affects everything about our relationships. But we're getting off topic...

While it's true that, the older we get, the more likely we are to seek out younger people to reinvigorate ourselves and blah blah blah. However, I started dating older women by default-- in NYC, my first two dozen dates in my "age range" were demanding, had unrealistic expectations, and/or had nothing interesting to say. (In their defense, I was probably wrong about a good many of them, but I digress.) Meanwhile, although the majority of women in New York are interesting, attractive, and intelligent, the ones I tended to come across had longtime boyfriends, guys who snapped them up in college and have been hanging on for dear life.

(Or maybe we're just into them because we want what we can't have. Maybe.)

After putting in a few years trying to pick up and date women in their 20s and having things never work out, I found I more often ended up in relationships with beautiful, passionate, and energetic single women in their 30s and even 40s while I was in my early- and mid-20s. I would gladly date an "older woman" again. Because while some guys may be so superficial as to not even bother with a wonderful woman older than them, there are plenty of others out there who find that, as Lou Reed says about relationships, they're "like a good wine/[they're] better as [they] get older."

Via the Boston Globe.

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Sloppy Seconds: Did Barbara Walters Out Whoopi Goldberg?

Here's A Kind of Teacher Sex Story We've Never Seen Before...

5 Women Who Look Better With Age

5 Men Who Look Better With Age

Let's Settle This Ridiculous First-Date Pay Debate Once And For All

While You Were Sleeping: Diablo Cody's Super Porno Limo Rides

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 13:12:00 GMT

Gmail is here to rescue you from regrettable sent message. Of course, you have to immediately regret sending the e-mail for the feature to work.

M.I.A. replaced Amy Winehouse in the Coachella lineup.

We don't even know what to say about this woman who is no longer attracted to her laid-off husband.

Improv Everywhere staged an art opening on a New York City subway platform.

The strip club job fair appears to have been a success.

Winnipeg is finally safe to drive in.

The top film at the box office was not I Love You, Man or the equally-hyped Julia Roberts-Clive Owen movie Duplicity. Instead, another presumably dumb Nicholas Cage movie took the top spot. (How was it, really, and why did you bother?)

Diablo Cody's friends called their limo rides with the star screenwriter "super porno."

And Ashton Kutcher posted a TwitPic of wife Demi Moore bending over in a bikini. And she was thrilled.

Let's Settle This Ridiculous First-Date Pay Debate

Coke Ad Offends the Entire Country of Sweden

These Celebrities Fell In Love With The Camera At An Early Age

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:49:00 GMT

Check out these hilariously awesome photos of little future celebs: one would grow up to be a kickass, kickboxing, bizarro-human, movie star freak of nature, and the other one is Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Here are a carefully cultivated half dozen childhood photos of the two-dozen-or-so pictures gracing some dude's delightful blog:

We also particularly revel in the glory that is George Clooney (age?) and Halle Berry (age also unknown.) Check them all out here.

Related:

More of Those Gloriously Painful Celebrity High School Yearbook Photos

Celebrities Make Us Feel Better About Our High School Obsession

Top 10 Sexiest Album Covers of All Time

And Now, the Continuing Drama of Ashton & Demi's Neighbor's Construction

Colleen Kane — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 19:23:00 GMT

Yesterday we covered Ashton Kuctcher's outrage at being woken up by his neighbor's construction. We watched a video in which Ashton and Demi cross their expansive deck to fling bottles of Vitamin Water at construction workers who, for Christ's sake, are just doing their job and have no say in what time their job begins.

The folks over at Deceiver have even more reasons why Ashton & Demi's continued, semi-literate Twittered outrage is not so justified.

The Kutcher/Moore compound took ten years to build. It was started back when Ashton was still actually in high school, not just acting like he was in high school.

Hey-- Scanner Colleen here-- I get woken up on many mornings by my neighbor's rat dog, howling away at 7 am, probably about 50 feet or less from my bedroom window. I actually went over and said something to my neighbhor's face one morning. Ashton and Demi don't seem too shy, they might want to try that. And if not, I will happily trade places with them any day of the week.

Related:

Stars, They're Just Like Us: Ashton Hates His "F@#king Jackass Neighbor", Too!

Ashton Kutcher to Spread His Manjunk All Over North America

April Fools: The Prankster's Prankster

Stars, They're Just Like Us: Ashton Hates His "F@#king Jackass Neighbor", Too!

Ina Maier — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 19:41:00 GMT

Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. To their neighbor's jackhammer. And like every sane fameball out there, that somebody went straight to the internet...

We were alerted by a stream of tweets earlier this morning (yes, we follow both Ashton and his Mrs. Kutcher on Twitter), which we've reprinted here for your entertainment:

I'm gonna kill my neighbor!

this ass clown has another thing coming!

holy moly I'm gonna lose it!

Jack ass 7am building a god damn fort next to my house f'in up my view and noise polluting the entire f'in nieghborhood with pounding steal

this SOB owl feces cougar placenta jack bone dick!

Culminating, finally, in a link to his video:

watch this sh*T http://qik.com/ashton

Ashton was not alone in his ire. Demi was cheering (egging?) him on all the way:

the neighbor doing consruction with 6 guys pounding hammers against steel at 7am is no way to wake up!

baby keep it together there should only be another 5 months of this.

calm and gentle baby you can pull out the paint gun later!

just to verify how hopping mad my husband is check this out aplusk watch this sh*T http://qik.com/ashton

he is hilarious!

In any case, the video is (as of yet) un-embeddable, but we'll keep our eye on it. In the meantime, here's a transcript, but we definitely recommend watching it.

Hi. I'm just recording this for legal purposes, but I can also share it with the world. It's 7:30 AM, and I get to wake up in my bedroom to my fucking jackass neighbor…I don’t know if I should say fuck…to my jackass neighbor doing THIS next to my porch.This is my porch! This is my house. This is my deck. Right up there, that's my bedroom. This is where my dickweed neighbor has decided to be building a house at 7AM, pounding on steel and welding right next to my frickin' house. I woke up this morning to pounding, welding steel. I'm gonna lose it on this guy. I'm gonna lose it. I'm gonna lose it. It's been going on for four months now. This guy's got another thing coming.

You know what? We can't really blame him.

Demi Moore Gives Us The V's

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Surviving a Plane Crash, via Twitter

Sloppy Seconds: Job-Sanctioned Sex

Ashton Kutcher to Spread His Manjunk All Over North America

Emily Farris — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 17:05:00 GMT

Parents: lock up your daughters (or daughters: lock up your mothers?). Ashton Kutcher is on the verge of spreading his man junk all across the great United States of America.

His film, "Spread" has been picked up by Overture Films/Anchor Bay after it screened at Sundance and the distributor is going to spread it far and wide.

Directed by David Mackenzie and written by Jason Dean Hall, "Spread" tells the story of Nicki (Kutcher) a gigolo (with a terrible name; are we sure he's not a trannie call girl?) who tries to become a one-woman (Margarita Levieva) man.

We can only hope it's better than "Duce Bigalow: Male Gigolo," but in all honestly, we probably won't see it.

Here's the Sundance clip of Kutcher putting the moves on sugar-mama Anne Heche.

[Yahoo!: Kutcher film "Spread" nabbed by distributor]

Related:

The Robin Williams "Dead Penis Society" Mystery

Chris Rock is Spending Inauguration Day in the Whitest Place in America

This Week In Gayness: Two Major Male Movie Stars Make Out

While You Were Sleeping: Mariah Carey's Big Movie Surprise

Sloppy Seconds: Demi Moore And Her Boob Squirt

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 21:04:00 GMT

Strip clubs in Denver are reporting a decline in business... just since the DNC began.

Why is anyone surprised Axl Rose doesn't bother with pickup lines? If we were him, we wouldn't either... although, um, we probably still wouldn't put it quite like he did.

Scariest headline of the day, via CNN: Airline removes life vests to lighten load

Sheryl Crow, Stevie Wonder and "i.am" John Legend join obvious choice will.i.am to close out tonight's convention.

We barely even remember hearing about this movie, and now it's getting a sequel?

Your boyhood idols: where are they now?

Just in case, Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty has canceled his weekend interviews.

Kimora Lee Simmons denies she's pregnant. Meaning someone reportedly cared enough to print that she may have been.

Do you believe this story:

Madonna's brother Christopher Ciccone has accused Demi Moore of deliberately squirting breast milk at his gay friends.

We don't.

Related:

Todd Solondz Moves Reign of Terror Off Shore

Sloppy Seconds: Could We Possibly Love Steve Carell Any More?

The Life-Saving Power of Breasts

Add Denver To The List Of "Places That Scare Us"

Nude Bicyclists Protest... Global Warming?

Hot or Not: Jodie Marsh's Boobs?

Todd Solondz Moves Reign of Terror Off Shore

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 14:35:00 GMT

For the seventh time now, director Todd Solondz is returning to work hoping to make someone else uncomfortable with his unique perspectives on sexuality, identity and suburbia. For the first time, Solondz has jettisoned his normal Jersey environment for a new location….

People of Puerto Rico, take cover!

The upcoming film, originally called Life During Wartime and focusing on the Iraq war, is set to begin shooting this fall – just as the cooling temperatures begin to effect the body’s ability to long distance run, or in this case, swim. According to JoBlo, the film is

a proposed semi-sequel to his twisted cult classic "Happiness," starring Demi Moore, Paul Reubens and Emma Thompson among others, as people twittering on the edge of an unpredictable, sexually alienating world (sounds about right), and is slated to begin shooting in October.

Once again creating a pseudo sequel to an earlier film that met some acclaim and failed to fill many theatre seats, LDW is building on a story that previously dealt with statutory rape, sex crimes and a dog eating a teenagers first ejaculate.

Todd Solondz can be a brilliant man. But… the friendly threat of a new feature coming our way is enough to make ones cheeks clinch until one hundred percent, scientifically verified, confirmation that it is safe to let go.

Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List: Perfect or Pathetic?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 13:28:00 GMT

The 2008 Vanity Fair International Best-Dressed list includes Ivanka Trump, Michelle Obama, and 8 other classy ladies, plus ten gentlemen, fashion professionals, couples, and more...

Are they missing anyone? Should Ivanka been vetoed for her mere affiliation with the Donald? And just who in blazes is Count Manfredi Della Gherardesca? He sounds like Don Novello's replacement character for Father Guido Sarducci, and no, that wasn't mean to be derogatory. Fill us in, after the jump:

Women

Charlotte Gainsbourg
Princess Alexandra of Greece
Marjorie Gubelmann
Princess Mafalda of Hesse
Fran Lebowitz
Michelle Obama
Bee Shaffer
Tilda Swinton
Ivanka Trump
Renée Zellweger

Men

Tiki Barber
Jonathan Becker
Count Manfredi Della Gherardesca
Lapo Elkann
Richard E. Grant
Lenny Kravitz
Luis and Rafael Medina
Hidetoshi Nakata
Nicolas Sarkozy
Gay Talese

Couples

David and Victoria Beckham
The Earl and Countess of Cawdor
Damon Dash and Rachel Roy
Frédéric Fekkai and Shirin von Wulffen
Mitch Glazer and Kelly Lynch
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore
David Lauren and Lauren Bush
Viscount and Viscountess Linley
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Ruben and Isabel Toledo

Fashion Professionals

Amy Astley
Tory Burch
Jefferson Hack
Liya Kebede
Alexandra Kotur
Margherita Missoni
Stefano Pilati
Michael Roberts
Katherine Ross
Hedi Slimane

Fashion Originals

Peter Beard
Carlyne Cerf de Dudzeele
Lisa Eisner

Hall of Fame

Alba Clemente
George Clooney
Marina Rust Connor
Anderson Cooper
Sofia Coppola
Jemima Khan
Anna Piaggi

Via Vanity Fair.

Related:

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Scanner Highs and Lows: Strippin' The Night Awaaaay

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 20:41:00 GMT

Strippers melted our hearts, got arrested, ran the bases with us, and earned some money for charity. Meanwhile, the celebrities just didn't seem as scandalously delicious as usual...

Highs:

We had an intelligent discussion about running the bases. Thankfully, it had nothing to do with A-Rod.

Is there such a thing as a GILF?

7/11 gave away Slurpees today, did you get one?

Patton Oswalt melted Scanner Nicole's snarky little heart.

These breasts basically baffled readers of all ages.

This girl stripped for earthquake relief. Or fame. Whichever.

Batman would've totally crushed on this chick.

And we wrapped up our sexiest albums list with the Top 10 and #1.

Lows:

American Apparel once again used troubled young women (i.e. porn stars) to sell clothes.

No one explained the brum thing to us.

These girls gave pageants a bad name, which is kind of redundant.

This video just creeped us out, although for some, the mere idea of childbirth orgasms was creepy enough.

We learned more about Mini Me's sex tape. More than we eeevver want to know.

We got banned from Digg for showing you this middle-aged convicted Congresswoman's giant boobs.

April Fools: The Prankster's Prankster

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 16:30:00 GMT

He goofed on the Queen of England. He had the media following "Michael Jackson" and his bizarre antics for days. He Punk'd Ashton Kutcher and Bruce Willis. He violated Wal-Mart. And he proved Charles Manson is a better person than Angelina Jolie.

John Hargrave is a man for all April Fool's Days...

1) Hired a Michael Jackson impersonator to wear a surgical mask and lead media and paparazzi on a weeklong wild goose chase through the streets of Boston. The stunt was a smashing success-- it took the media weeks to admit they'd been had.

2) After being rejected for sainthood/knighthood/whatever by the Queen herself, Hargrave legally added "Sir" to his name, just for spite.

3) Loaded Wal-Mart shelves with banned books and porn to defend the First Amendment.

4) Impersonated Ben Franklin, "America's 14th President," and gave historically inaccurate tours of Boston, Ben's birthplace, before being attacked by a giant robot with laser arms, for no apparent reason.

5) Called out Oprah Winfrey's entire career in charity work when he announced she was one of two celebrities who didn't respond to his "11 year old girl with a terminal illness asking for an autograph and some kind words."

Some celebs, like Angelina Jolie and Oprah Winfrey, didn’t respond at all. Others like Bono and Jerry Lewis were quite generous, sending signed photographs and T-shirts. But jailed serial killer Charles Manson sent a package containing three hand-carved wooden keepsake boxes. One had an engraved pink heart on top, another, the word “Love” with the message “From: Manson” carved inside the lid.

6) Best of all, he went so far out of his way to prank the host of a show that insulted his intelligence, "Punk'd," that he legally changed his name to "Ashton Kutcher" and launched

a website claiming to have recordings from Kutcher’s personal voicemail, including a message from a trash-talking “mistress” and an angry tirade from Bruce Willis, ex-husband of Kutcher’s wife, actress Demi Moore.
Despite claims from Kutcher’s publicist that the site was a fake, media worldwide picked up the story, exposing a system so hungry for gossip that the truth hardly matters.

Hargrave, who also has been known to track down and harass e-mail spammers with anonymous telephone harassment, celebrates his birthday today, April Fool's Day. For more about him and Zug.com, which he claims is the world's "only" comedy website, click here.

Via People's Web.

Scanner Highs and Lows: You Take the Good, You Take the Bad

Emily Farris — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 21:49:00 GMT

So much happened this week, we don't even know where to begin. It was sad week, and a happy week, and a fun week. We welcomed new people, said goodbye to others, and even tried to save some folks. As usual, we're spent.

Lows:

Heath Ledger died at 28. And it was really fucking sad.

This asshole.

And this asshole.

Jeez, and these assholes.

We woke up on Wednesday and there was no sex!

Highs:

We welcomed Bobby Tisdale and Brian Fairbanks.

We commemorated the 35th anniversary of Roe v. Wade.

Scanner Bryan and Scanner Emily met in the real world. And got drunk.

Britney spears finally showed up to something.

Kung Fu sex, everybody!

Bobby Tisdale tried to save Amy Winehouse by spooning, not sporking, her.

Smokey Robinson made us smile all over again.

So did Demi Moore.

Demi Moore Gives Us The V's

Bryan Christian — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 21:05:00 GMT

We're beginning to think that Demi Moore is, like, the Terminator of magazine covers. Right when you think she's gone -- BAM! -- there she is, bringin' it hard right on your candy ass.

Christ, we would pay so much money to have her bring it hard on our candy ass.

Bigger scans after the jump, for those of you who are perhaps planning out your weekend masturbation schedule.

[V Magazine via PopCrunch]

Adam Sandler: "Leave Tom Cruise Alone!"

Emily Farris — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 18:07:00 GMT

Adam Sandler is drinking the ~~Kool-Aid~~ eyeliner:

"To see anyone's private life invaded and mocked like this is sickening. It's especially gross when it happens to a guy like Cruise, who's a great dad, a great husband, and a great friend."

Other stars putting on the eyeliner? Dustin Hoffman, Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder, Bruce Willis, Demi Moore, Jim Carrey, Ben Stiller and Harvey Weinstein.

We're gonna go au naturale on this one.

And we never really noticed before, but based on that picture, those two could almost be brothers.

[People: Adam Sandler: Stop Picking on Tom Cruise]

Say What? G.I. Jane is Punky Brewster's Birth Coach?

Emily Farris — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 17:57:00 GMT

Yes. Demi Moore will coach Soleil Moon Frye in the birth of her second child, just like she did with the first. And apparently, she's the best birthing coach in the entire universe. Who knew?

[Via People]