Scanner : derek jeter

Take This, Whopper Virgins: Burger King's FLAME, and Other Senseless Scents

Colleen Kane — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:35:00 GMT

When I worked at Burger King at age 16, I used to come home smelling like Burger King. Not once in the ~~many~~ er, ten years since have I wished to reenact smelling like Burger King. However! Should you be posessed with such a desire, has Burger King got a body spray for you: FLAME™.

Interest sparked? Check out their oh-so suggestive website for such views at the following.

"Now you can set the mood no matter what you're in the mood for," say the promotional materials for this product. Yeah. We get the picture. Whether you're in the mood for meat or "meat", right fellas? I am now permanantly scarred from imagining such a scenario so soon after seeing The Oversize-Headed Burger King in a seminude reclining posistion.

Here are some other celebrity scents that really exist, but we don't understand why.

"McGraw" by Tim McGraw: Presumably this smells like Amerrukah, which is scent-onymous with the smell of Freedom.

Jack Black "Signature Well Stocked Bar": This must give the wearer the alluring odor of rummy.

Danielle Steel: We speculate that this smells like trash. Some might say irresistable trash.

Derek Jeter: This probably smells like chewin' tobackey or old glove leather. Not "going there" with a jock-strap joke. No one would make a body scent like that on purpose; that would be like making a body spray that smelled like flame-broiled meat.

Marilyn Manson: A Manson scent has been bandied about but hasn't yet come to fruition. Perhaps it would smell the same as his branded absinthe?

Signing Along to ASL Music Videos

Necrophiliacs Rejoice! We've Dug Up the Hottest Dead Person in a Horror Movie

Next Up For Michael Phelps: Television Stardom

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 16:11:00 GMT

This post was written by guest blogger Sean Flanagan.

Michael Phelps, the soon-to-be super rich record-breaking Olympian, is trying to expand his global fame by becoming affiliated with MTV award ceremonies and Saturday Night Live...

Oh wait, he's an athlete and may not be able to act. When will Lorne Michaels, that silly Canadian, learn his lesson?

How many athletes – or politicians while we're at it - can you have on your show (let alone giving them the season priemere!) before you realize that they cannot carry a show?

Lorne's show is, let's face it, in the dumps. The 90s were glorious, the 00’s not so much. You went from a cast that every major featured player went on to be twenty-million-dollar-a-movie stars to a cast where the talented people have been brushed aside in favor of Andy Samberg and recurring characters that weren’t funny the first time around.

Michael Jordan
Nancy Kerrigan
Tom Brady
Peyton Manning
Jonny Moseley
Derek Jeter (though he was kinda good-- see above photo)

Let the Olympian be on a box of cereal, cut a few ribbons, do 20/20 soft focus lens takes with Babawawa and fade into the record books. Meanwhile, SNL needs to bounce back in a serious way this season and find a way to achieve relevance again after having long since lost Tina Fey to become TV's hottest geek on 30 Rock...

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