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While You Were Sleeping: It's A Lipstick Jungle Out There

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 13:10:00 GMT

Women in Saudi Arabia are going to other countries to shop for lingerie because of the male store employees. In other news, Saudi Arabia allows lingerie.

Prince William "can marry a Jedi," but not a Catholic.

Fake Dina Lohan and Fake Christopher Walken were outed and removed, respectively, from Twitter.

Richard Simmons never stops entertaining, even in the airport, and even if it means singing... "Single Ladies?"

What do you do if your first bank robbery fails? Go into the next bank. That way, it's easier for the cops to find you.

No one wants to have to sit through the vile, racist Rush Limbaugh show, which is why Media Matters has set up Limbaugh Wire.

John Mayer is wearing, um, a little sailor suit and, um, sniffing a mankini.

And are you sitting down? Lipstick Jungle has been canceled, if you hadn't already heard.

Lily Allen Has Something to Show You

Facebook Quickly Becoming a Raging Cesspool...

Britain's Sexual Hazing Rituals Apparently News to Some People...

While You Were Sleeping: Carrie Underwood's Dress Was Too Short

While You Were Sleeping: The Rihanna Nightmare Continues

Sloppy Seconds: The Evangelical Sex Craze

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 20:57:00 GMT

Your daily dummmy: guy who tried to pay for a lap dance with a bag of coke. The stripper was more insulted, it seems, by the fact that stuff was only worth $20:

Tualatin police arrested a man who allegedly paid for a lap dance with $20 and a baggy of cocaine.
Police spokeswoman Jennifer Massey said officers responding to a call from a bouncer found Jose Angel Bruno Melgar outside Jiggles Tavern and he acknowledged giving cocaine to the dancer.

The 19-year-old from Cornelius has been charged with cocaine possession and lodged in the Washington County jail. Massey said Monday the cocaine has a street value of $20.

This woman is a true hero. She went to a house auction to help her son purchase a home and ended up sitting next to another woman, who was crying hysterically. Turns out the crying woman's home, now foreclosed, was up for sale. The stranger bought the woman's home for 30 big ones and handed it back to her.

Did Richard Dreyfuss just say he hated working with "fascist" Oliver Stone? Actually, that's what everyone who works with Stone says about him.

A man is in jail after for hitting a cop with a beer bottle and leading the police on a high speed chase, which ultimately led to his own tasing and arrest. The best part? Laughing it off, he told the cops he didn't give a shit, since his crime was "a misdemeanor." It need not be said he is charged with several felonies.

Shut up, Dina Lohan.

You knew it was bound to happen sooner or later: a robocall done by what sounds like a sex line worker.

And one Fark headline claims "Evangelicals have sex earlier-- and more of it-- than any other religious group." Read the full story in this week's New Yorker.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Paris Hilton Expands the Family Empire to Include Brothels

Ted Haggard: Busting Out of the Spiritual Restoration Center

This Week In Gayness: Guy Attacked At Proposition 8 Protest

Happy Birthday: Woman Busted With 16 Grams In Her Vagina

10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

While You Were Sleeping: The Jennifer Hudson Horror Story Continues

Ali Lohan: Future Lindsay? Future Porn Star? Is There a Difference?

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 16:38:00 GMT

On the E! series Living Lohan, Ali Lohan thought she was meeting with a seasoned director/producer about a role in the movie Trolls. Well turns out, this seasoned director/producer Peter Davy made his bones (ha!) in porn. Like the dude directing Trolls wouldn't have dabbled in a little smut on his way to the top. Ali could take a lesson from this guy. (Sorry!) According to TMZ, mom Dina Lohan "went nuclear" when she found out about Davy's past.

Best Week Ever has the clip of Davy instructing Ali to make each word "delicious" and rocking some two-tone facial hair that could only belong to someone in the adult film industry. Magic happening after the jump:

Exclusive Clip from Living with Lohan @ Yahoo! Video

Sloppy Seconds: The Pregnant Man is No Longer Pregnant

Emily Farris — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 20:02:00 GMT

We have to admit, we'd be pretty fucking scared if Hulk Hogan was stalking us, so we feel you Linda. We do. [People]

We don't know what you're doing this weekend, but we're going to the vagina spa. [NYT]

Rachael Ray's people want you to eat lots and lots and lots and lots of hamburgers this weekend. Or else you're fired. [TMZ

Michael Lohan sure does like stage moms. Apparently the mother of his "secret love child" is already shopping around a record deal for the 13-year-old. [dListed]

How do we get an invitation to Lindsay Lohan's gay wedding? Because why else would she be shopping at Cartier, right? [PopSugar]

What would happen if a 500-kilometer meteorite hit Earth? For starters, we'd be fucked. [Neatorama]

Mandy Moore is single again. And oh so pretty. [GabbyBabble]

Thomas Beatie, the "pregnant man," gave birth to a healthy baby girl on Sunday. [ABC]

Lindsay Lohan: Lies My Father Told Me

Emily Farris — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 16:12:00 GMT

We've made fun of Lindsay Lohan in the past, but now we just feel sorry for her. Her family fucking sucks.

Not only is Lindsay's mom exploiting the family on reality TV, her dad — who has been in and out of jail and blabbed to the press once Lindsay finally found somebody to love — has proven himself to be an even bigger asshole than we could have possibly imagined.

Gawker somehow got their hands on a copy of a recent voicemail Michael Lohan left for Lindsay. In said voicemail we learn that Michael is a liar and that the timeline of his relationship with his daughter revolves around her movie roles.

Read the message after the jump.

Or listen to it here.

"I've been trying to reach you for a week now. I know that you were annoyed that I gave an interview and my need to comment about the people you are around, and obviously you took offense to it. Honey, I'm sorry. I am telling you, I just love you. And I promise you, I absolutely promise you, I will not mention your name in the press, at all, ever again.

One of the reasons why I got so concerned is because we used to talk all the time. We were always texting, and then the texting was sporadic. You weren't returning phonecalls, so I was concerned. Look, I love you honey. Please, please don't do this anymore. Pick up the phone and talk to me. Everything from now on is between you and me. And I promise you, I will not go back on it, I will not break my word...

I promise you, I'll keep questions out of the press, when it comes to you I promise. Just please, please, honey, call me or pick up the phone. You need to promise me.

Back when everything was going in the right direction, and so a lot of the same things happening and you end up very worried about it. (And the whole reason why), when how things were, (......) were together, when you were climbing, and Mean Girls and ever since Herbie, when I was out of your life, everything started to unwind—all these things didn't do well—and so on, so forth. And how people are blaming me because you're not getting roles or something? (End Of Message)

[Gawker: Papa Lohan's Voicemail Lies: 'Everything from now on is between you and me']

Related:

Michael Lohan Sells Out Lindsay Once Again

Michael Lohan: The Only Person on Earth Who Won't See Lindsay Lohan's Breasts

Lynne Spears Will Not Let Dina Lohan Out-Exploit Her

Is Lindsay Lohan Engaged?

Ali Lohan and Her Little Dog, Too

Lynne Spears Will Not Let Dina Lohan Out-Exploit Her

Emily Farris — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 18:53:00 GMT

Dina Lohan may be whoring out her family on "Living Lohan" in an effort to make a quick buck and enjoy her 15 minutes while carrying some tacky hand bag, but Lynne Spears is hot on Lohan's heels with a tell-all memoir about — what else? — her family. And dammit, if Jamie Lynn hadn't gone and gotten herself knocked-up it would have come out right about now. Material, Lynne! Material! Just think of everything that happens in your life and the lives of your daughters as material for making yourself more famous (and rich!).

[People: Lynne Spears's Memoir Set for Fall Release]

Related:

Jamie-Lynn Spears Officially Pregnant; Lynne Spears Officially World's Worst Mom, Y'all!

Spears Family Ties

Who Would You Rather? MILF Edition: Dina Lohan or Lynne Spears

Michael Lohan Sells Out Lindsay Once Again

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 May 2008 15:09:00 GMT

We were going to do something very cheesy — put quotation marks around that "out" in the subject line — but if what Michael Lohan says is true, his daughter's relationship with Samantha Ronson is "evident to anyone with half a brain." And if he's right, those aren't peace signs Ronson and Lilo are flashing.

Okay, maybe they are peace signs, but wouldn't it be more fun if they weren't?

There's been lots of speculation that Lindsay Lohan and D.J. Samantha Ronson's relationship might be more than platonic, and we've mostly ignored the gossip, because like we've mentioned before, as long as she's found love, we're happy for her one way or the other.

But Daddy Lohan wouldn't miss an opportunity to get his name in Us Weekly, and then make himself sound like the great father we all know he is.

Days after photos of them nuzzling necks in Cannes, France, surfaced, he tells Usmagazine.com their romance "is evident to anyone with half a brain."

Still, he adds, "Just like the [topless] Marilyn Monroe spread, Linds is my daughter and there are just some things a father doesn't want to see or hear, regardless of whether they are true or false." (See more spring flings.)

His daughter, 21, "is a big girl, and she can make her own life choices. Then it is between her and God."

Michael — who volunteers for a Christian-based rehab organization — couldn't help but take a swipe at his ex Dina (who just debuted her new E! reality show).

"Maybe her mother's life revolves around the tabloids and reports, but mine doesn't," Michael says. "I am into setting a good example and doing good things that don't deceive or exploit my kids.

"But I will say this: While we were a family, you never even saw or heard a negative thing about any of us.

Okay, new idea for a reality show: Michael Lohan and Dina Lohan locked in a padded room with only three year's worth of Us Weekly and a wooden spoon each. They'll paper-cut and spoon each other to death. Then the winner can rub the spoons together to make fire when it's time to eat. Wouldn't it be fun?

[Us: Michael Lohan: Lindsay, Sam's Romance "Evident to Anyone With Half a Brain"]

[Image]

Ali Lohan and Her Little Dog, Too

Emily Farris — Thu, 22 May 2008 14:10:00 GMT

We hate picking on kids (seriously!), but when a kid comes across as a 35-year-old, is it okay? Because there are so many things wrong with this recent David Letterman on Ali Lohan interview, we don't even know where to begin.

Okay, so David Letterman obviously does not want to be interviewing lil' Lohan. But that's the only thing making us think we didn't just waste five minutes of our lives.

For starters, does Ali smoke, or are all the Lohan girls blessed with that raspy voice?

And why is she dressed like a 35-year-old woman? Why does she look like a 35-year-old-woman? Is she a 35-year-old woman? Shouldn't 14-year-olds be wearing inappropriately revealing pastels and glitter?

Or maybe Ali is Lindsay's real mom and Dina is their grandmother and this whole thing is just an elaborate ruse to get the whole family lots of money when they finally reveal the truth to Us Weekly. Until then we'll have to let the family's upcoming reality show "Living Lohan" hold us over.

And what did lil' Lohan have to say about the show?

"We did this show to set the record straight that we're not this crazy family that the tabloids make us out to be."

Wow, we'd feel sorry for her if she was in the least bit charming.

Who Would You Rather? MILF Edition: Dina Lohan or Lynne Spears

Emily Farris — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 13:48:00 GMT

We weren't kidding last week when we said no more Mr. Nice Guy with Who Would You Rather? We know this is like every bad sex dream you never wanted to have, but we're serious about this, kids. So, which MILF would you rather? Dina Lohan or Lynne Spears?