Scanner : divorce court

14-Year-Old Divorcee Officially Back on the Market

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 22:18:00 GMT

Here's a bizarre one for you: a straight couple that actually got married in the Year of Our Lord, 2009.

Stranger still, the events surrounding this marriage led both ~~proud, excited, relieved~~ families to press their children to seek an immediate divorce. The pressure proved unbearable for the bride and groom and so, at 14, the female member of this conjoined union becomes Israel's youngest-ever divorcee...

Here are the facts, as reported by the BBC, Ha'aretz, and other overseas news sources:

1) Unnamed 14-year-old girl marries unnamed 17-year-old boy in a secret wedding, surrounding by their friends, who become the first-ever group of teenage friends to actually keep their mouths shut.

2) The girl and boy have sex and do other things that later prove to the court that their marriage complied with Jewish law. (We were a bit surprised to learn that marriage might not count even after that whole "I now pronounce you man and wife, you may stomp on the wine glass now" part. (Kidding.)

3) The bride informs her parents of her new official status and claims to want to move in with her husband. Duh. The parents flip the lech out, and order her to obtain a religious divorce.

4) The girl does the noble thing that proves her love is the genuine article by refusing to go along with the divorce proceedings. "Wait, did you say the groom's family is going to bribe me with ten thousand in cold, hard currency to go through with the annulment? Well, bring it on then!"

5) Although the above "quote" is a fabrication, the unnamed bride did indeed obtain a divorce. Unfortunately, there was no public response from the groom, who was last seen plotting his elopement; unfortunately for the authorities, he will be hard to spot because he is described as "wearing black pants, black shoes, a black jacket, a white shirt, a black hat, and a beard."

According to a BBC report, however, they will not be allowed to marry anyone named Cohen, as if she cares:

One consequence of this is that - if she follows Jewish religious law - she will not be able to marry anyone with the name of Cohen, who are traditionally the Jewish priestly caste.

Assuming the dude's name isn't Cohen, do you think any of this is going to stop these two lovebirds?

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Reason #8,847 Not To Sleep With A Bali Hooker...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 20:03:00 GMT

This is one of the most bizarre family custody cases we've ever heard about.

It involves a man, a hooker, a mom, a five-year-old girl, a series of judges, one STD... and, hopefully, a happy ending... no pun intended...

According to Strollerderby, this is the story of:

1) Man in Australia gets married, his wife has a five-year-old daughter. Daughter contracts an unnamed STD.

2) Wife leaves man, saying he cheated on her and gave the daughter the STD. But how did he give the daughter the STD?

3) Man tells judge: "Hey Judge, it was nothing more than this ol' pro I rented out on vacation in Bali." Judge says: "Suck it, I'm taking your daughter away." (Actual transcripts unavailable.)

4) Man tells appellate court judge, "Dude, I was serious about that ol' pro thing. I think I gave the undisclosed STD to my daughter via a towel we shared one day." Judge: "Yep, that sounds about right" and gives the man custody again.

5) The internets throw a shitfit:

That a judge would put a child back in the home of a suspected molester without being 100 percent certain is creepy enough. But so is the fact that a number of STDs could easily be passed to a child - even, according to reputable health sources, by a shared towel.

Innocent until proven guilty, people. Of course, the guy deserves at least some punishment for cheating with a hooker in a foreign country while he had a wife and family back home-- when are people going to realize that cheating has major consequences for those around them?

Via Strollerderby.

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Bill Murray: Back on The Market But Do We Want Him?

Emily Farris — Thu, 29 May 2008 18:49:00 GMT

When we first saw the headline "Wife of Bill Murray files for divorce," we got all excited. Even though we've vowed to never date an actor, we'd be lying if we said we didn't entertain fantasies of having our own little "Lost in Translation" experience with the guy.

And then we read this...

The wife of entertainer Bill Murray has filed for divorce after nearly 11 years of marriage, alleging he abused her and is addicted to marijuana and alcohol.

The drug and alcohol addiction we can deal with; he's a Hollywood actor, we'd expect nothing less. The abuse? Not so much. There goes our Japanese hotel/karaoke fantasty.

But, as anyone who passed the fifth grade in this great country knows, he's innocent until proven guilty, so we'll still keep it in the back of our minds. Just a little. For now.

[Yahoo!: Wife of Bill Murray files for divorce]

Gary Coleman Got Married Just So He Could Go On "Divorce Court"

Emily Farris — Fri, 02 May 2008 21:21:00 GMT

At least it kind-of looks that way...