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Maine Wood Frogs More Despreate For Sex Than We Are

Emily Farris — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:59:00 GMT

It turns out that a colony of wood frogs in Maine are more desperate for sex than we are. The 2 to 2 1/2-inch frogs that quack like ducks are in some serious trouble. You see, once they come out of hibernation, the little guys and gals have what they call "Big Night." It's their annual spring mating ritual, and it generally coincides with the first warm spring rain. But up in northern Maine, their favorite orgy pool, "Club Amphibian" is still iced over. And it gets worse.

Unlike some of us who eat too much to make up for the fact that we haven't had sex in, say, five months, wood frogs cannot eat until they've mated.

"There's a little, little bit of open water around the edges, so the animals usually hang out around the edges, waiting to get in," Aram Calhoun, a University of Maine associate professor of wetland ecology and a wetland scientist for Maine Audubon in Orono, said. "Isn't that something? That must be depressing for a cold-blooded animal. You get to the edge of the pool, and the whole bloody thing is frozen and they're probably saying, 'I told you it was too early to go.' There will be a lot of salamander divorces this time of year," she said.

Salamanders, however, apparently have many years to breed while wood frogs need to make it happen. Now. "Wood frogs are explosive breeders, yet they only live 3 to 5 years, so they only have a couple of times, if that, to breed," Calhoun said. "So, they're very anxious. Much more than the salamanders, which live 15 to 20 years."

This might explain why wood frogs are so damn horny:

Salamanders gather congress-style - they all get in the pool together - and do a little courtship dance, and no one gets hurt. With wood frogs, it's not good to be a female. "It's not uncommon for the females to drown, because she has three or four males on top of her," Calhoun said.

Wood frogs are the only frogs she knows of that attempt to mate with non-frog species.To illustrate just how crazy wood frog sex can be, Calhoun's graduate student, Kevin J. Ryan, who is working on his study site in Canterbury, Conn., photographed a wood frog trying to mate with a salamander."We've had wood frogs mating with our data loggers," Calhoun said. "The data loggers, they're in little plastic containers and they're mating with the containers. They don't care. It's just something to put your arms around. It's been a long winter, you know?"

Oh, we know. It has been a long winter.

But back to the frogs... if "Club Amphibian" doesn't thaw soon, they'll most likely move onto a new orgy pool, which, as Calhoun points out, could result in many squished frogs in the road.

Godspeed, little wood frogs!

[Sun Journal: Driven to mate, frogs on the move to orgy pools]

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Chimps Will Put Out for a Piece of Meat, And So Will We

Emily Farris — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:09:00 GMT

JUST IN CASE YOU MISSED THIS STORY WHEN SCANNER COLLEEN DID IT A WEEK AGO (BECAUSE SCANNER EMILY DID—FLUCK!)

And by piece of meat we don't mean that beefcake from the elliptical machine—or the nearest tree if we're talking about chimps. No we mean delicious, bloody, iron-filled, gets-stuck-in-your-teeth meat.

Researches recently found, after following around 20 adult chimpanzees in Côte d’Ivoire's Taï National Park, that female chimps put out more often for males that shared food with them than for those who didn't.

Now, the chimps aren't going on dates, exchanging meat for sex that night. The barter happens over the course of weeks or months, with the males "accruing credit" by supplying the lady chimps with meat from multiple hunts.

"They can keep track somehow of what they have received or given in the past," said one of the anthropologists involved in the study. "It doesn't mean they're aware of this. It could be emotional. In humans, you don’t even really know how many coffees someone has bought for you in the past, you just generally feel that this person is nice to you. It creates a positive feeling toward that person."

Makes sense. If a guy was constantly bringing us steak sandwiches, steak frites, juicy hamburgers and street meat, we imagine it'd only be a matter of time before we'd want to get our hands—and mouth—on his meat. And if that makes us no better than a monkey, well... we'd rather be a monkey with a steady stream of steak and sex than a respectable human without either.

[FOXNews: Chimps Exchange Meat for Sex, Study Finds]

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Weight Watchers Does Not Endorse That Kind of Exercise

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 17:29:00 GMT

Hey, Scanner Emily here. If you recall, one of the promises I made to myself when I moved to the Midwest was that I would not become a fat Midwesterner (you know, I've got to maintain that svelte size 10). So, I turned to the old weight loss standby, Weight Watchers. I use the online program and get really excited when I can trade in my daily walk or my less regular run for an extra serving of pasta. You see, Weight Watchers offers activity points for all kinds of activities: walking, jogging, running, biking, dancing, golf, horseback riding, motorcycle riding (really?) and even barn cleaning. But what does the list not include?

No activity points for sex? Really? Because we're pretty sure that you can burn at least 250 calories with decent sex, right? I guess if the time ever comes again, I can at least add it. And hopefully it will be 'high intensity.'

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**Today in Food We'd Like to F*ck: The Hamburger Fatty Melt**

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Today's Topless PETA Roundup

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 16:22:00 GMT

The fact that these topless PETA roadshows are getting fewer and fewer press hits might mean the animal rights group-- which, incidentally, euthanizes 90% of the animals in its care on an annual basis-- is on its last legs...

(Speaking of legs, don't ya kind of wish the girl on he right, whose name is apparently Virginia Fort, was the one half-naked and writhing on the ground? There's a lame and possibly offensive joke about her having a fortified "virgine," a la Borat, but we're too in love with her right now to bother.)

These ladies got in trouble with the law yesterday in Greenville, South Carolina when they should have been at home, worshiping President Obama. Then again, we're pretty sure they didn't get led away in cuffs, so score one for free speech.

On the other side of the world, Sydney, Australia today again proved that it remains PETA's #1 city for naked protesting, with this rather more effective campaign equating carnivorism with, well, cannibalism.

Top two photos via yesterday's Greenville, SC Online-- more here. Sydney photos via Flickr.

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PETA..blah blah...Sea Kittens...blah blah...MAKE YOUR OWN!

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There's A New Testicle Eating Champion...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 17:12:00 GMT

Here's a contest we'd refrain from competing in or even watching.

In Hunterville, New Zealand, the new world's capitol of enjoyable public indecency, there's a competition in which men pick up a bull's testicles using only their mouths and running for 50 meters with them. The testicles, of course...

Sadly, their own prize for these feats of masculinity are a cold beer to wash down the horrific taste. And, as Metro UK notes, "if the beer was from Hunterville it was probably rubbish." Among the other highlights:

[It's] the annual Shepherd's Shemozzle in the small town of Hunterville, where men are men and men eat bulls' testicles.
As part of the competition, punters had to bite into the balls and carry them in their mouths for 50m.
Once that feat was accomplished they had to scoff some dry weetabix and down a raw egg. In a rare respite they then got to wash the lot down with a can of beer.

[Winner Josh Masters said] "Best of all, they weren't connected to anything." [Metro]

Yes, Josh, we would think it quite strange were you to run with your mouth wrapped a bull's nuts-- a live bull's nuts, that is.

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What's It Like Having Strangers Eat Off Your Naked Body?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 19:10:00 GMT

Melanie Berliet, a former Wall Street stock trader, wrote a piece for this month's Vanity Fair about her one-off role as a naked sushi model.

Strangely, she doesn't worry about rank fish, groping hands, or ending up in some bizarre Requiem For A Dream party scene outtake; rather, her worry has to do with a part of her body most men never notice. (Hint: ladies, men don't care about your shoes.)

From Melanie's own mouth, following her experience on the New York naked sushi circuit:

I glanced at my feet and saw that I needed a pedicure. Badly. People were about to be eating off me and I hadn’t done them the courtesy of getting my toes done.

With a series of frenzied hand motions, she directed me to strip, tape the shells to my nipples, then secure the thong to my sides and butt. There was no time to be bashful, and I quickly grasped that my body was not my own for the next few hours. It was a commodity I’d loaned to Koko. I wondered if this was how strippers feel. Detached. Robotic. At work.

Yep. That's pretty much how strippers feel... except you forgot the occasional bonus feeling: "sticky."

The next moments proved to be intensely erotic, oddly enough, as Koko flittted daintily around the table, decorating me with scarves, bright pink flowers, and the fans that would serve as trays for the sushi, sashimi, and shumai. Never before had I felt like a piece of art.
As the men got drunker, their timidity vanished. Chopsticks flashed above me as they navigated the buffet, taking their dinner from my curves and crevices. Through it all, Koko sped gracefully in and out of the room to replace the small trays of fish.

For an hour and a half I laid there, while the men surrounding me drank and ate and stared, and sometimes poked at my bare body.

90 minutes? To eat sushi? Man, these guys are really lame... at least they gave her $150 in tips so, as she puts it, she can get the extra therapy she will most certainly need...

Read her full story here. Image and story via Vanity Fair.

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The Incredible, Edible Anus is Way Too Popular for Its Own Good

Emily Farris — Tue, 20 May 2008 21:02:00 GMT

Is this the opposite of food porn?

We're assuming that the online shop for Bisus Chocolates is closed due to demand being greater than supply, because who wouldn't want to eat chocolates in the shape of an asshole?

These chocolates are created with one thing on our mind: to produce a combination of taste and touch that takes you to chocolate anus heaven.

Yum! But for those rather preserve their assholes, may we present the limited-edition silver-plated asshole?

55 grams of hallmarked silver, cradled in a magnificent presentation box and exquisitely crafted into that most sensuous of body parts: a unique, elegant and thought-provoking gift. Edition of 100 (edition # engraved)

People come and people go. Our solid silver anus is immune from the daily wear and tear that similar products experience. A quality product immortalised in silver…for the man who has everything.

Don't believe us? Go to edibleanus.com and find out for yourself.

[Edible Anus via YBNBY]

Today in Disorders We'll Never Suffer From: Orthorexia

Emily Farris — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:58:00 GMT

There were times in our youth when we wished we could be anorexic or bullimic (stupid, we know, but if you were ever a chubby, insecure teenage girl you, too, may have wished these disorders upon yourself) but we always ended up reaching for the Cool Ranch Doritos. In recent years, eating disorder specialists have termed a new disorder that we're a little less guilty about wishing we had: orthorexia, an unhealthy fixation with healthy eating.

While we certainly try to eat healthy most of the time, it's really only so we feel like we're balancing out our two-hamburger-a-week minimum, so this is yet another disorder we're in no danger of developing. But the chubby, insecure teenager inside of us still almost wishes we could have orthorexia—luckily, the adult whose social life revolves around food does not.

Like anorexia, it often involves severe weight loss, but so-called orthorexics are obsessed with food quality, rather than quantity, and strive for personal purity in their eating habits rather than for a thin physique.

The word orthorexia was coined in 1997 by Colorado alternative medicine specialist Steven Bratman. Implicit in the description are traits that resemble obsessive-compulsive disorder, since sufferers devote excessive attention to their own strict rules and often spend hours each day worrying about tomorrow's meals. Such a person may find himself socially isolated because he doesn't indulge in everyday dishes. "If your focus on healthy eating is interfering with your happiness and social life," says Bratman, "you might have a problem."

What's the disorder called when your happiness is dependent on your hamburger intake?

[Psychology Today: Orthorexia: Too Healthy?]

[Image of a Shake Shack burger via theeatenpath's flickr. Mmm, Shake Shack.]

The Condom: Just One Of The 10 Weirdest Restaurants

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 19:24:00 GMT

Have you had lunch yet?

The above photo is courtesy of Wacky Archives, which today ran down the Top 10 Weirdest Restaurants in the world. Cabbages and Condoms, a joint in Thailand, of course, is probably not going to be expanding into the US territories any time soon.

Apparently, contraceptive awareness is one of the main issues at the restaurant. Everything is condom themes: condom-clad mannequins, a collection of condoms from around the world, and various posters advocating family planning. Bon appetite? I already lost mine! [Wacky Archives]

The others are arguably even more stomach-churning:

And, merely for the sake of Nerve and our insatiable thirst to feature a half-naked woman in every post:

The restaurant where you can have a boxing match with the staff over your meal and the restaurant that requires night vision goggles to see your way around in, plus many more oddities, here.

Do Just Like a Lady

Emily Farris — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 14:28:00 GMT

For many, many years, we thought that was how the Aerosmith song "Dude Looks Like a Lady" went. You know, do just like a lady, act like a lady.

Over at Lady Thrills, the site that brings us daily shots of topless men and celebrity flaws like close-ups of Eva Longoria's cellulite, they're sharing tips on how to snag a man. We haven't read "The Rules," but we've heard enough about it to know this is probably a pretty similar list. While we've already apparently doomed our romantic future by doing things like eating everything on our plate—and, shit, we don't always look great—there's one tip in particular that has us fucked, or not, as it were:

Don’t speak openly about sex

While speaking about sex openly is always fun, being blatant about is never going to work in your favor -- especially on a first date. What you end up doing is giving the guy false hopes (or not) and cheapening what you’re worth.

What you can do is allude to sex via wordplay and eye contact, but never use derogatory wording to describe genitalia or the actual act of fornication. If you act like a lady, the words just won’t sound right coming out of your mouth.

And yes, that's really the picture that accompanied this post.

[LadyThrills.com: Act Like A Lady, Get What You Want]