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This Week in Gayness: Boycott Jamaica

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 19:42:00 GMT

Gawker broke down the Amazon gay scandal.

Nevada Governor Jim Gibbons, who, as we reported earlier this week, is locked in a bitter divorce battle with the state's First Lady, doesn't "believe in" domestic partnership benefits.

A ruling on the legality of Prop 8 could come as early as Monday.

David Paterson introduced the gay marriage bill today in New York.

Has anyone besides us been cracking the hell up about all this "teabagging" business-- and not just because the Republicans are so unintentionally hilarious?

Gay marriage in Iowa has everyone riled up, especially the crazies.

Stop drinking Myers Rum and Red Stripe beer, say the owners of the Stonewall Inn.

An 11-year-old boy killed himself after enduring homophobic taunting in school.

Oh my God! There's a fucking gay elephant! Let's freak the fuck out about it for no reason!

Who Knew There Were So Many California Doctors Against Gay Marriage? [VIDEO]

This Week in Gayness: Matt Drudge Does Not Love Gay Sex With Men

This Week in Gayness: Sacha Baron Cohen's Gay Sex

Gay Bishop is About to Get All "Gay Bishop" on Your Ass

Top 10 Sexiest Album Covers of All Time

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 20:57:00 GMT

10. Herb Alpert's Tijuana Brass - Whipped Cream & Other Delights. The other delights, unfortunately, are mainly covered up by the whipped cream, but this is still vintage goodness.

9. Betty Davis - They Say I'm Different. The woman once married to Miles (hence how she got the movie star-esque name) has two of the sexiest album covers ever. We can't explain why we love our #9 choice... or why we chose it over her possibly sexier "Nasty-Gal" photo...

8. The Pixies - Surfer Rosa. We've listened to this album about 300 times and we still don't know who Surfer Rosa is or why Kim Deal gets upset when Black Francis yells "you fucking die." But yeah, gotta love the field-hockey-players-and-the-coach sex scandal story. Oh, and the cover ain't bad either... and those catchy tunes... and... and...

7. Shakira - Oral Fixation. With a title like that, you'd think Shakira wants to be treated like a sex object-- but look, there's a baby! And this sluttastic photo is playfully Biblical, so you know she's a good Catholic girl. Right?

6. Blondie - Parallel Lines. For Halloween one year, we had a girl dress as Debbie Harry and we joined her in the easy-as-hell hipster uniform worn by the guys in this photo-- and damn it if we weren't sexy as all hell. The other night, we saw Debbie Harry play a fundraiser with a local high school band, doing bizarre and funky versions of "Heart of Glass" and other classics from that album. (We had a boner both nights.) Mainly, this cover is incredibly sexy thanks to the dudes with their shit-eating grins realizing how lucky they are to even be associated with a knockout like Debbie Harry, who makes this one helluva photo with that scowl contrasting their gleeful faces.

(Trivia: what future famous person picked Debbie Harry up in his car one night when she was walking home from waitressing at Max's Kansas City. Hint: he was a creep and she jumped out of the car at the next red light. Answer: Ted Bundy.)

5. The Strokes - Is This It? One could make about a dozen jokes about this album and its cover ("Heh heh... I bet they like to "Stroke" it to their own cover..." or "Is this it? Indeed, how come the album isn't as good as the cover?" for starters.) We'll just mention that whimpy Americans don't even have this picture on their 2001 records because it was deemed "too risque." So was the song New York City Cops-- but that's understandable, given 9/11 occurred just before the record's initially-planned release date.

4. Pulp - This Is Hardcore. A record with only one good song ("Like A Friend," and it isn't even the best of the two released versions)-- hey at least the cover makes for good wallpaper.

3. Ween - Chocolate and Cheese. Personally, we prefer the cover where they parody Leonard Cohen's Best of album using the Elephant Man, but these boobs are pretty sensational. Speaking of sensational, get a load of that belt! We might even wear that thing if it came our way...

2. The Cars - Candy-O. We're pretty sure this ain't no real woman, but for you anime freaks out there, this is one to get your keyboards sticky over. Ew, ew, ew-- pretend we didn't even say that. By the way, for some unimaginable reason, girls tend to get in the mood when The Cars come on the radio-- even if the song is "Let the Good Times Roll." FYI, dudes.

1. Roxy Music - Country Life. Their first US top 40 record (it went Top 5 in Britain), Roxy Music's Country Life is an obvious choice for #1 because of the near-nudity factor. (Of course, there are dozens of possible candidates for this list that have nudity in their covers, but they simply weren't as hot. Maybe for our Part Two someday...) Here's what Wikipedia has to tell us about this glorious photo:

The cover features two scantily-clad models, Constanze Karoli... and Eveline Grunwald. Bryan Ferry met them in Portugal and persuaded them to do the photo shoot as well as to help him with the words to the song "Bitter-Sweet". Although not credited for their photos they are credited on the lyric sheet for their German translation work.

The cover image was considered controversial in some countries such as the United States, Spain, and The Netherlands, where it was censored for release. As a result, a later American LP release of Country Life (available during the years 1975-80) featured a different cover shot. Instead of Karoli and Grunwald posed in front of some trees, the reissue used a photo from the album's back cover that featured only the trees.^.Author Michael Ochs has described the result as the "most complete cover-up in rock history." [Wikipedia]

Honorable Mentions: Jane's Addiction - Nothing's Shocking; Jennifer Lopez - On the 6; and one of the Slunt records. Suggestions are welcome for a follow-up list...

Related:

Life Imitates Art, Minus the Thong

Amazon Giving Away Lots of Great mp3's

Top 10 Bands That Twitter

Today is the Day the Music Died

Super-Exclusive Nude Calendar Makes Us Want to Go to Africa For Some Reason

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 20:33:00 GMT

These pictures have floated past us on the internet on at least a dozen different occasions, from one mysterious origin or another. At one time, Kate Moss was rumored to have participated in the 2009 Pirelli calendar, an arty nude photography review limited to 30,000 copies, but we haven't been able to find any photos from this year.

The rest, however, which involve naked models mounting elephants and their, um, rigid tusks, should suffice.

Thanks to Jalopnik and other sources for their links. Don't forget to purchase the calendar-- if you can figure out how!

No, Wait, the Lithuanian Playboy Calendar Is What We Really Wanted

Our Favorite Dumb Criminal: Burglar Leaves Sex Tape At the Scene

Carmen Electra's Latest Playboy Shoot Explains Why The Magazine Is Failing

While You Were Sleeping: The NY Senate Seat Saga Ends?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 14:43:00 GMT

More morning cheer: a baby elephant trying to get up. Doesn't it just make you want to pick it up so you can say "I carried an elephant?" All right, perhaps that's just us.

The sexual harassment suit against Ohio's former Democratic AG has been settled.

Look, we're well aware of the Paris Hilton sex tape sequel rumor. We haven't posted about it because 1) it's just a rumor and the only thing we've heard is that it took place in a cab and 2) if it's not on the internet, it didn't happen.

Did you ever see the creeptastic movie The Boys From Brazil? It's from the same writer as Rosemary's Baby and the original Stepford Wives-- and now that it turns out to be eerily accurate, you should rent it this weekend.

Caroline Kennedy withdrew, then re-entered the running for Hillary Clinton's Senate seat. We think her people may have been trying to cushion the blow that will come tomorrow by acting like she didn't want it anymore.

Office Space is coming to BluRay in a 10th-anniversary edition. So there, now you've got the memo.

Wanna hear the new U2 song? Sorry, we didn't even listen to it yet for fear of starting the day out on a disappointment.

And Barack Obama repeated the oath of office to make the right-wing nutsos happy. Memo to those wackjobs: he became President at noon on January 20th, regardless of how badly Justice Roberts and President Obama flubbed the ceremony.

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Hudson's Latest Prize

What Ever Happened to Ione Skye?

While You Were Sleeping: Sex and Chocolate

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 13:29:00 GMT

The government took over Freddie Mac and Sallie Mae, once again proving that if you bring in enough money, it doesn't matter who you fuck over, there will always be someone willing to bail you out.

That Asian junkie you've been reading about has thankfully kicked his addiction. You remember the story: he's an elephant.

Gisele Bundchen clears up those rumors about her "impending" marriage to Tom Brady:

Don’t place any bets on when Gisele Bündchen might marry boyfriend Tom Brady, says the supermodel. “I’m happy as I am,” she tells the Spanish edition of Vogue in its September issue. “Why is the whole world worked up about my getting married? I’m having a great time and I want to enjoy it.”

The Jerry Seinfeld commercial for Microsoft appears to have stumped everyone. Everyone.

Could the Top Chef: Ultimate Fighting Championship spinoff be far away in the future?

Obama and McCain will honor the victims of 9/11 and speak at Columbia University on the anniversary of the attacks. And yes, they were attacks, not bombings.

Meanwhile, the conservatives in Canada are learning how employ nasty Rovian tactics at home: the Prime Minister dissolved parliament in hopes the third election in just a few months will increase the conservative grip on government.

Between My Sheets polled the Top 100 sex bloggers of 2008. Obviously, we didn't make it because Between My Sheets isn't hip enough, damn it!

And Teri Hatcher has figured out the secret to life. Luckily for guys everywhere, it involves having sex with her:

[She] has motherly advice for her daughter – and the Desperate Housewives star is only too eager to share it. “Have great sex [and] eat the chocolate,” the single mom advises 10-year-old Emerson – and the general reading public – in Hatcher’s October column for Britain’s Glamour magazine.

Related:

Lindsay Lohan's "Secret Talent" Was Buried Forever

Quote of the Day: "I molded my ass."

Pure, Selfish, Chocolate-Filled Pleasure

Sloppy Seconds: Woman Who Delivered Baby In Car For VP?

While You Were Sleeping: Who Looks Best In A Bikini?

Giorgia Palmas Becomes Overnight Internet Sensation Based On One Photo

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Anti-Gay Alabama Attorney General Busted in Bed With A Man?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 14:15:00 GMT

Troy King, the Attorney General of Alabama, has been dogged by gay rumors for some time now. The hardcore Republican and foe of gay marriage, who backed McCain early in the primaries, is rumored to be ready to resign after the latest juicy allegations surfaced...

1) Troy "ask[ed] the Legislature to amend the state's anti-obscenity law after a Jefferson County judge ruled this month that part of the law was too vague to force closure of a Hoover store that sells sexual devices."

2) He all but called the Supreme Court terrorists when they dared to overturn the law allowing for the death penalty for child rape. Troy said

"Anybody in this country who cares about children should be outraged ... They are creating a situation where this country is a less safe place to grow up."

Is Alabama Attorney General Troy King referring to terrorists? Street gangs? Pedophiles? No. According to King, the people endangering kids are justices on the U.S. Supreme Court who on Wednesday overturned a Louisiana law that made child rape punishable by death.

3) Then, in the last couple days...

According to rumors flying around for the last week Troy King, [the] rabidly homophobic, anti-sex toy, Sunday School teaching, pro-execution Republican Attorney General [of Alabama] is GAY! And I don't mean that as in happy either. I'd bet he is anything but happy right now. In fact, according to two sources he is about to resign. Also posted here.
Two Alabama bloggers emailed me asking if I had heard the rumor that King Troy's wife caught him in bed with a MAN and kicked him out of the house around the time of the Special Session. Could I confirm it?

4) The male aide, it is believed, is actually his college roommate, who he helped get a job with the state and/or on his staff so they could be closer together. As one source put it: "When Troy's out of town... the [old roommate] goes with." Another version says he's a homecoming king... as in, a recent graduate...

The story then became that the mystery man was a young man who had just graduated from Troy University and was the Homecoming King (no pun intended) (God that gets confusing...Troy King with the homecoming king who graduated from Troy) and that was who the wife walked in on. Then a few weeks later Troy and his boy toy from Troy were spotted at the YMCA (not kidding) engaging in....ummmm....inappropriate activities. Yeah...at the YMCA...made famous by the Village People. Apparently Troy has no inkling of what it means to be 'discreet'.

The YMCA story smells of total elephant shit, although the rest of this (that is-- that Troy was caught in bed with a man by his own wife, then booted from the premises) has been backed up by a variety of sources. However, just to further confuse you, one source claims that the leak on this story came from the Governor's office...

We shall see...

Via Pam's House Blend.

James Carville's Jesus Complex & Judas Penis

Katie Halper — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:31:00 GMT

James Carville accused Bill "Hot When Bearded" Richardson of betrayal of biblical proportions, saying "Mr. Richardson's endorsement [of Obama] came right around the anniversary of the day when Judas sold out (Jesus) for 30 pieces of silver, so I think the timing is appropriate, if ironic." The irony, of course, is that Carville commits betrayal of biblical proportions every time he biblically "gets to know" his wife.

Nobody shows us that politics makes strange bedfellows, literally, and figuratively, more than Democratic Spin Doctor Clintonite Jim Carville and Mary Matalin, his Republican Spin Doctor Bushie wife. The Carville-Matlin duo deserve our bipartisan praise for overcoming their ideological differences through pure unadulterated sexual chemistry.

Let’s be honest, people, who among us could resist her beady eyes, and almost invisible lips, and his smooth cranium and teasingly tinted glasses. But if Richardson's getting behind Obama makes him a Judas, what does Carville's getting behind Mary make him? Does Carville feel the holy spirit slip out of his soul when he slips out of his blue pajamas, slips off Mary's red teddy and enters her land of Cain? Does Carville tell himself it's the devil that is making him take off his donkey briefs and pull off her elephant thong? Is the Satanic serpent tricking the Carvillian serpent into tasting Mary's forbidden fruit?

We can only assume that Carville has a Jesus complex and a Mary Magdalene fetish. A J~~esus~~ames C~~hrist~~arville Mary Magdtalin role-play routine is the only thing that could explain the miracle of their marriage and the only way JC could live with himself and sleep with his wife.