Scanner : elton john

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Desperate Living

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 May 2009 14:24:00 GMT

Holly Madison rebounded from Hugh Hefner with... Russell Brand?

We have to agree: this or any other ad for the pill is going to piss off the stuffy-butthole-people.

A quick thinking teenage boy saved his 4-year-old sister from being kidnapped when he actually raced after and caught up to the truck she was being driven off in.

Another teenage boy, who needs to spend more time thinking, is going to jail for setting another guy's dick and balls on fire.

This is gonna be grand: Martin Scorsese is making a movie about Sinatra.

Elton John was there for Eminem in his hour of need, helping him through the painful process of rehab.

Emily mentioned this yesterday: Shanna Moakler resigned from the pageant board following yesterday's press conference on Carrie Prejean. Did you know that she was also Miss USA and a Playboy centerfold? Hmmm...

The marriage bra is... uh... useless? A major turnoff? Creepy? Stupid? All of the above and more?

Lindsay Lohan's house is in such shit shape, complete with garbage everywhere, that the police thought it had been ransacked when they responded to a tripped alarm.

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While You Were Sleeping: John Mayer vs. Jimmy Fallon?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

The new Iron Man 2 rumors say that there may not be enough money to include Samuel L. Jackson. Then again, they are somehow able to afford Emily Blunt for a role.

We're a sucker for crazy bets like this: a Republican senator lost a gentlemanly bet on a college football game to a Democratic senator. His repentance? He had to serenade Florida politician Bill Nelson, a former astronaut, with Elton John's "Rocket Man."

The Ex-BART officer who shot and killed an unarmed man on recorded video was found...

The former transit police officer accused of shooting an unarmed man at a California train station went to Nevada with his family "to clear his mind" after receiving death threats, his lawyer said Wednesday.
The lawyer's comments came after Johannes Mehserle was arrested on a fugitive warrant in Nevada.
Leads led investigators to Johannes Mehserle, 27, in Zephyr Cove, Nevada, on Tuesday, authorities said. He was contacted through his attorney and then surrendered. [CNN]

The blogs are predicting Amy Poehler's new Office "spinoff" is actually a knockoff.

If you're going to start a brawl, you might not want to do so in a brothel, especially when you're off-duty police officers.

We care what these people think of the John Mayer TV show? We could care less about his pop records and personal life, but the VH-1 show was inspired-- we always thought he would be a great late night host.

Going to the inauguration? 20+ jumbotrons. 5,000 port-a-potties. 10,000 National Guard troops. And clearly not enough beer vendors.

And Washington state will allow teachers to have sex with their students, as long as the students are legal.

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Scanner Highs and Lows: So Long, Good Luck, and Pass the Turkey

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 19:22:00 GMT

This week, we said goodbye to Scanner Nicole... and a few turkeys, most of which were killed by Sarah Palin's henchmen.

HIGHS:

Newsflash: Kim Cattrall looks great naked. Seriously, though, she's 52.

Nerve hosted another Hendricks Gin party, this time in San Francisco.

Maybe this turkey death story will scare a few people into becoming vegetarians.

Sweden is unintentionally funny.

There's still time for you to win a signed Elton John DVD.

And you can play "Guess The Stache: Democrat or Porn Star?" till the end of time.

LOWS:

Nicole left us, but like the musical career of Jay-Z, she'll be back someday...

Won't someone think of the Gyllenhaal children?

We'll have to think of a Dexter-worthy vigilante justice for upskirt photographers. You know, minus the whole killing and dismembering part of Dexter.

Speaking of pervs, they're lurking outside your local liquor store these days.

Joe the Plumber may never go away.

Oh boy... more turkey death.

Newsflash #2: Chipotle is fattening.

And all the celebrities seem to be getting married behind our backs. Not only are they not inviting us and paying for our airfare, they're not exploiting their own love lives for professional gain anymore!

Scanner Giveaway: Signed Elton John DVDs!

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 19:52:00 GMT

We're dead serious. The man who played piano while wearing those giant sunglasses. The guy who told Lilly Allen he could snort her under the table. One of the baddest mofos of all time, or at least 1973, Elton John, has agreed to autograph copies of his new DVD documentary "Tantrums and Tiaras," which features behind-the-scenes craziness and excesses not seen since the Rolling Stones were still allowed within our borders.

Like we said-- despite all this kidding around-- we're serious. We're going to give you autographed Elton John DVDs... all you have to do is...

...answer these trivia questions. If you're resourceful, you should be able to Google the ones you don't know right off:

1. What Elton John "Greatest Hit" does not appear on the original record but appears on later CD pressings? This tracklisting for the vinyl version should give you a hint.

2. What three songs did John Lennon play with Elton when the duo played Madison Square Garden show in November, 1974?

3. What song contains the line "Stop twinkling your star like you do?" And you better get this one, as this is our favorite song of his.

4. The Elton John AIDS foundation just had its annual benefit, raising more than 2 million dollars. Who hosted that event?

5. Who did Elton marry in February of 2006?

And, if there are ties, the tiebreaker: Who did he marry in 1983?

We are expecting to receive two signed Elton John DVDs, so there should be two lucky winners out there. The movie was released on VHS in 1997 and is being released this week, finally, in the States on DVD:

The long-awaited U.S. DVD debut of Elton John: Tantrums and Tiaras (Echo Bridge Home Entertainment) has arrived today, with the 1997 documentary finally getting a domestic video release. With John's longtime companion David Furnish in the director's chair, we get a much more warts-and-all look at the music superstar than another filmmaker might have been allowed to capture. While you'll come away from the movie admiring Sir Elton's work ethic, you'll also marvel at his bratty entitlement.
Whether or not you're a fan of the Rocket Man's music, the gossipy frankness of this movie makes it impossible to look away.

Good luck! We think it might be best to e-mail us at scanner@nerve.com rather than posting your answers in the comments...

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How Will Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson Make a Baby?

Sloppy Seconds: And Just How Will Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson Make a Baby?

Emily Farris — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 21:28:00 GMT

Lily Allen says she's "dying inside" after telling Elton John to "fuck off" while presenting at an awards show. [Handbag]

Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres opened her show with two firsts today. 1. It was the first time she was wearing a thong and 2. It was the first time she opened her show as a married lady. Congrats on both accounts, Ellen! [People]

We're going to hurry this up so we can go get our Sarah Palin action figures, so hurry up and click through. [SarahPalinActionFigure.com]

Good, bad, or ugly? Madonna dedicated "Like a Virgin" to the Pope at a recent show. [MTV]

Okay, we admit, Lindsay Lohan is too young to have kids, but if the rumors are true, she wants to get knocked up. Now, condsidering she ("supposedly") has a girlfriend, this might involve a few more steps than your average Hollywood starlet. And if the rumors following the rumors are true, Lilo and Sam are considering some of Lindsay's exes for sperm donors. [FameCrawler]

Previously:

Sloppy Seconds: Lily Allen Would Very Much Like Sir Elton John to F*ck Off, Seriously

Caption This: Lindsay Lohan's Boobs And Sam Ronson's Eyeline

Sloppy Seconds: Lily Allen Would Very Much Like Sir Elton John to F*ck Off, Seriously

Emily Farris — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 21:49:00 GMT

Our not-so-slutty sister thinks that vetting Sarah Palin is like Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but funnier. We would like to take this opportunity to disclose that we have not been fully vetted. [FameCrawler]

At least she passes Elisabeth Hasselbeck's test with flying colors, because you know it's super complicated and makes lots of sense. [MollyGood]

Will celebrities please stop throwing things? First it was Russell Crowe with his cell phone, then Naomi Campbell. Now Akon, probably best known for "Smack That," is facing criminal charges after being accused of throwing a fan off of stage — and we're not talking about the small appliance. [Yahoo!]

If you're a shitty asshole who would like to hunt down women who've had abortions, you may be in luck. Abortion Tracker claims to have a record of every woman who's had an abortion since 1940 and they'll make the list available to you for one easy paymennt of $799. [Jezebel]

Anne Hathaway apparently loaned her businessman ex hundreds of thousands of dollars before the couple split earlier this summer, proving that even rich guys can be loser bums (except, we actually already knew that). [Starpulse]

Even though they ganked our feature, we have to give it to dListed for catching this who would you rather: Dog the Bounty Hunter or his wife, Beth? Um, can we vote for the dog? [dListed]

Of all the people in the world we'd like to tell to "fuck off," Elton John doesn't even come close to making the list. Not so for Lilly Allen who drunkently disrepescted the singer at the GQ Men of the Year Awards. [MTV]

No William Shatner Cameo in New Star Trek

Emily Farris — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 17:42:00 GMT

William Shatner will not appear as Kirk, Spock or anyone in the new version of Star Trek, directed by J.J. Abrams. He's not happy with the decision, and neither are we. But we are reminded of this video that was circulated on the web about a year ago of Shatner performing Elton John's Rocket Man back in the 70's. And this makes us happy. Probably a little too happy.