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Self-Proclaimed "Big Putz" Drops Engagement Ring Off of The Brooklyn Bridge [VIDEO]

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 18:00:00 GMT

Proposing to your girlfriend on the Brooklyn Bridge is romantic. As long as you're not Butterfingers.

Related:

From the Annals of "Sassy": Kurt Cobain Wore an Engagement Ring

Single Ladies (Put a Used Ring on It)

Sloppy Seconds: Star Jones' Split, Sienna Miller's Engagement and Heath Ledger's Will

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While You Were Sleeping: Britney's In Prison

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 13:08:00 GMT

If you're going to bribe a cop, it's wise to aim higher than $17.

One of our strange/secret crushes, Chelsea Clinton, has gotten engaged.

Great, another reason for Nascar fans to hate Obama: this April Fool's Day prank made it seem like Obama wanted to pull millions from Nascar to punish car companies.

Another day and more rumors that Britney Spears feels like she's "in prison" and wants out of this arrangment with her father.

Our worst fear came true, and then turned out to be a gag: Heidi Montang told people she was pregnant, but thankfully it was only an April 1st thing. There's still time to sterilize the cast of The Hills.

If your attempt to rob a liquor store fails, please don't cry about it. No one made you do it...

Natalie Cole's fans are so crazy about her, they're even willing to give up their kidneys...

Coldplay, Bjork, Kid Rock, and Trent Reznor punk'd their fans yesterday.

David Cook canceled two shows due to a family crisis-- at last, entertainment news that probably isn't a joke!

Caption This: Christina Ricci Looks Up to Her Man

Emily Farris — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 15:41:00 GMT

Christina Ricci and her super-tall new fiancé Owen Benjamin stroll through Studio City, CA yesterday.

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Sloppy Seconds: Joaquin Phoenix Fights His Audience

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 21:20:00 GMT

Clive Owen doesn't really enjoy sex with Julia Roberts. Honestly, we don't blame him.

Don't listen to that stupid conservative's argument that James Carville is just as bad as Rush Limbaugh.

Helen Hunt may be engaged. Remember that show Mad About You? Ah... you youngin's.

Church sex is the best sex. Just sayin'.

Twin doctors-- is there anything creepier (if you've seen that Jeremy Irons movie, that is)? This guy and his twin were involving in molesting young boys in their offices.

Isn't it time Joaquin Phoenix admitted his stupid Casey Affleck documentary is a mockumentary? His diving into the audience to fight someone in Miami at 2am this morning is the dumbest celebrity story since the last one we ran about Paris Hilton, whatever that was.

We reported on this sex scandal at a Jersey high school, but the Rolling Stone story (via the Times Online) is essential reading.

Anne Heche gave birth to a boy with another lover we won't be able to remember.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Did Barbara Walters Out Whoopi Goldberg?

A Date With Jeremy Piven is a Very Bad Thing

Sloppy Seconds: Nicky Hilton Takes the Law Into Her Own Hands

While You Were Sleeping: Westboro Stoops To New Low...

Women vs. Sexy Sex Ads

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 22:30:00 GMT

Over the years, the Department of the Obvious has informed us that women are found to be turned off by advertisements with strong sexual content, such as American Apparel billboards or TV spots for those randy Teletubbies.

However, new research has shown there is one thing women of all ages respond to in sexy ads... and no, it's not peen...

The study, published this month in Journal of Consumer Research, finds that women respond more favorably to sexual ads when the item in the ad is described as a gift from a man to a woman. In addition, women have high positive responses to sexual ads that depict a committed and loving man — but not for those depicting a committed and loving woman. [Emphasis added.]

We're not sure we even wanted to know this. After all, isn't this kind of study-- and web reporting on it-- actually reinforcing stereotypes and encouraging advertisers to make the same type of simplistic ads over and over? Selfish women want a ring but not to have to be tied down, while, as the study goes on to say, selfish men don't want to buy women anything-- they just want to get laid. In fact, they responded negatively to ads suggesting sex should be received only after purchasing or somehow bartering something with a woman.

When viewing the sexual ads, women responded more favorably to the ad with the gift. However, men preferred the sexual ad without the gift. "Despite their steadfast support for sex-based advertising, we did find that men reacted negatively to sexually explicit ads when the ads strongly reminded men that they may, at times, devote monetary resources in pursuit of sexual contact," the authors wrote. [Live Science]

Yes, it seems we're in a vicious cycle, and advertising is only going to get more desperate... and obvious. For further proof, see the related section...

Related:

From Porn Stars To Prostitutes... The Latest Ads

Nude American Apparel Ads Aren't Going Away

Famous Girl Trying To Find Guy Who Lost His Jacket? Total Fraud

While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Don't cancel your Mexican vacation, says the country's President... the shocking drug violence there will be all cleared up, you know, in 2012.

Brittany Snow will appear in a new spinoff of Gossip Girl, a popular educational program.

Another supermodel bites the dust... Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady were married in Santa Monica yesterday, after having denied the wedding rumors for months, even years.

Jake and Reese are rumored to be the next celebrity couple that will walk down the aisle.

Kate Nash is already one step ahead of them, although her fiancee is an unknown.

Just the latest in a long line of 45-year-old hotties to grace the nudie mag, Lisa Rinna will be the next one to pose for Playboy.

This unanimous Supreme Court ruling on religious monuments in public parks is extremely troublesome.

The woman in the car during Morgan Freeman's car accident claims he was drunk. Oh, and she's absolutely not his mistress. And one more: she's suing him for not denying the mistress thing.

Hero of the day? A mother ran into her daughter's rapist while he was out of jail on a weekend pass. He asked after her daughter, apparently in a gleeful manner, and so she followed him into a bar, poured a bottle of petrol all over him and... struck a match...

And Britain's Next Top Model is already topless...

Topless Coffee Shop Opens In Maine, Not Without Controversy, Bottoms

The Rise and Fall of Lindsay Lohan

Obama Crashes Carnival Party, Thanks to Naked Carnival Queen

Winnie Cooper Is Getting Married

Emily Farris — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 18:05:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Congratulations, Danica McKellar, on your upcoming nuptials. And on being very hot. And a math genius/math author. Feels like your Wonder Years were ours as well—we grew up together, Winnie Cooper. You and us, and Fred Savage, and Daniel Stern, narrating everything. Hmmm? What's that? Never mind what we've been doing the last twenty years, not important. We're here to focus on you.

Read more...

While You Were Sleeping: Lily Allen's Wrecking Ball Rolls On

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:10:00 GMT

Octomom won't date? Then she has every intention of raising all 14 kids by herself, even though she clearly considers plastic surgery, media attention, and getting pregnant again her top priorities? Sorry, but it's time for someone to look into whether her kids should be taken in by the state.
And if you think we're being harsh-- it turns out she hasn't been paying the mortgage either, in favor of fertility treatments.

Did you know five states ban atheists from holding office? No wonder Arkansas is so backwards.

Just in time for that movie that looks terrible in YouTube clips: Watchmen condoms.

The Lily Allen wrecking ball continues its epic roll through America, into the Bahamas. Don't worry, we'll stop talking about her... just as soon as she stops doing stuff like this. (By the way, we're not saying she should stop doing stuff like this-- don't misunderstand, we don't care if she gyrates on the pole... that Elizabeth Berkeley is licking. Nope, not even that would raise our eyebrows.)

Always take a cab when you're drunk-- even if you don't own a car.

Speaking of cars, say goodbye to those ugly-ass Hummers.

And the headline of the Day: Glenn Patrol Car Rammed by Naked Man in a Truck [emphasis added]

The Cross-Dressing Mafia Kingpin Makes Gangsters Seem So Much More Cuddly

While You Were Sleeping: Sean Penn's Pick For Best Actor

Sloppy Seconds: Crazy Baby Lady Has One Less Mouth to Feed

While You Were Sleeping: Is This The Dumbest Woman in the World?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Some band called The Fray has the #1 album in the United States. Remember what we said yesterday about Lily Allen having #1's and no one knowing who she is? It's a trend.

Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams are engaged. Mark our words-- these two will stayed married forever, or at least four months.

Want to know how much Facebook is worth? Nothing, and dropping. (Okay, really, it's allegedly in the billions... until Twitter takes over the social networking market.)

Here she is: the first famous homeless woman.

Wait, how do you get into a relationship with possible murderer Drew Peterson, go on TV, tell the whole world you were just using him, and then go right back into a relationship with him? We hate to say it, but we have no sympathy left for what might happen to this woman, who may be the dumbest in the world. She's been warned.

One reality show contestant showed San Francisco liberals can be just as awful at dealing with humans as everyone else.

Nicolette Sheridan is quitting Desperate Housewives.

Headline of the day: "Zorro in custody."

Today in Unlikely Couples: David Spade and....

While You Were Sleeping: Sex and Chocolate

I Hate Myself For Loving You: Lily Allen

Leo's Girlfriend is a Sports Illustrated Cover Girl

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 16:51:00 GMT

Bar Refaeli, Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend, is the 2009 Sports Illustrated cover girl. And we have the photo evidence to prove it...

Bar, who is a 23-year-old Israeli model, has been dating the movie star for three years and the publicity they've received has launched her career. The announcement of her selected for the SI cover made the Time.com homepage this morning and MTV recently announced she will be on the revamped House of Style reality show.

Oh yeah, and there's that persistent rumor of her engagement and impending marriage to Leonardo DiCaprio, who recently said planning for this year's Oscars is like planning for his "wedding."

Here's a peek at the cover, just announced. Click the photo for a larger view...

More about Bar via her Wikipedia page.

Related:
E! Names Another Obscure Woman as the Hottest in the World
That Wasn't Bikini Girl's First Time in a Bikini...
Bacon Bra, Meet Your Soulmate

While You Were Sleeping: Sean Penn's Pick For Best Actor

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

One of the married Bee Gee's fathered a child with his housekeeper.

Claire Danes is engaged to-- surprise-- one of her ol' co-stars.

Helicopter girl turns out to be a porn star. This would be a post in itself if TMZ hadn't edited out or censored all the good parts.

Italy now has its own Terri Schiavo case. Hopefully, it, too, will spell the beginning of the end of a right-wing dictator-type's stranglehold on a country; in this case, Berlusconi's.

My thirteen-year-old inner self cries at the news of Kristy Swanson's wedding.

Psychologist sex-- it's all the rage.

A relationship with Anne Hathaway seems more appealing by the day...

Being fans of the four-hour Che, we'll side with Sean Penn on this one: he should be up against Benicio del Toro.

Seriously, how did this 70-year-old woman know burglars had sex in her house? Did they leave Polaroids? Condoms? A sex tape? We want to know, damn it.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Paris Hilton Is Not A Slut

What Do We Think About Vanity Fair's Fake Celebrities?

Sloppy Seconds: Psychology Teachers Getting In On The Student Sex Craze

Women Lead the "Sexual Revolution" in Argentina, Men Have a Hard Time Dealing

Sloppy Seconds: As a Supermodel Goes Off the Market a Crackhead Goes On

Emily Farris — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 00:02:00 GMT

India, the Bush family's cat, is dead at 18. [Yahoo!]

Alan S. Geisler, creator of red onion sauce for hotdogs, is dead at 78. [City Room]

Oh, snap. We forgot George W. Bush was still the president. [DailyIntel]

It looks like Blake Fielder-Civil really is planning to divorce that crackhead Amy Winehouse. [People]

After numerous rumors that the couple engaged earlier, supermodel Gisele Bundchen and Patriots quarterback Tom Brady are finally, really engaged. The world is preparing for more beautiful babies. [People]

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Sex on the Beach: Zhang Ziyi Won't Go Nude For A Movie, But...

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 19:32:00 GMT

Chinese bombshell Zhang Ziyi is a strange creature, according to the world's horniest sex blogs. These blogs, including Fleshbot, gently rib Ziyi for refusing to appear nude in her films (she uses body doubles-- so those Google searches are only turning up fakes, people) but going nude in public and fooling around with her boyfriend on a crowded public beach.

Who cares about the debate, really? We just want to know-- is this guy in love with her butt or what?

These pictures have already caused a stir on the internet, for several reasons: 1) Zhang is about to marry this guy, Vivi Nuevo, an Israeli, which isn't going over well in her homeland; 2) Zhang's nude photos are splashed all over China's websites during a period where the country is cracking down on porn; and 3) well, Time just needed a traffic boost.

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Crushing News

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 14:02:00 GMT

The Black Crowes are taking recording back to the era of the basement-- the basement tapes, that is. They'll perform four sold-out concerts at Levon Helm's house and use them for their next record.

Watch Richard Simmons, our personal hero, attack a CNN interviewer's foot live on air.

A four-year-old boy named Nathan Beavers shot his eighteen-year-old male babysitter for...? Ha-- you guessed wrong-- Beavers shot the babysitter for stepping on his foot.

Gaza kids spoke out about how the violence has ruined their lives.

John Travolta's kid's death was caused by a seizure disorder. (Damn, all this sad news about children today-- if anyone hears about a kid sending his allowance to Darfur, let us know.)

Patricia Arquette is getting divorced. Rihanna is getting engaged. And, as we've already mentioned, Jennifer Love Hewitt isn't getting married...

...and Lindsay Lohan is allegedly done with Samantha Ronson. Think she got dumped?

Related:

Caption This: Lindsay Lohan's Boobs And Sam Ronson's Eyeline

Every Time Lindsay Lohan Has a Drink, Deborah Norville Gets a New Fur Coat

The Halo Wedding: More Pathetic Than the Second Life Divorce?

While You Were Sleeping: Your Shopping Bag Is Sexist, Dude

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 14:03:00 GMT

Are you guys doing the inaugural? Good luck surviving the stampede.

The nitwit who dared to have sex on a beach in Dubai spoke out about his ordeal. (Not the sex-- the other ordeal.)

Bet you'll never guess why a man shot and killed a sex shop worker... oh wait, you will, and likely on the first try:

A man has shot and wounded a saleswoman in a Russian sex shop after the impotence tablets he bought failed to have the desired effect. [stuff.co.nz]

Ellie Nesler, the woman who killed her son's (accused) child molester, died.

Did your 2008 pass by in what felt like forty seconds? It will again, thanks to this snazzy video.

We rejoice at the sight of CNN giving out love advice because it just makes us look way more qualified than we really are.

This "sexy" (and sexist?) shopping bag "might put you in jail," according this blog.

Counterfeiters aren't even trying to make their money look real anymore, they're so desperate to have anything to pay with.

And Zooey Deschanel-- sniff, sniff-- is off the market, thanks to (Mystery Boyfriend Revealed) Ben Gibbard, of Death Cab For Cutie.

While You Were Sleeping: Mexican Beauty Queen Stripped... Of Her Title

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 14:03:00 GMT

Players and connoisseurs of music, Thelonious Monk's advice on playing in his band is an essential look at a mad genius.

Never been kissed? These kooks hadn't either, so they decided to make out in public and then tell the Daily News their real names.

Courtney Love and the Kardashians are at war...

Courtney Love faces possible legal action after accusing socialite Kim Kardashian's brother Rob of punching one of her gay employees.
In an angry rant on her MySpace page written on Wednesday, Love alleged that Kardashian's brother Rob Jr. broke the nose of her employee while calling him a "faggot" in September.

Love writes: "Rob Jr. cold socked and punched my employee right in his face for no reason and broke his nose after my guy was hanging out with his pal Brody Jenner one night outside Hyde lounge."

Talk about adding insult to injury: not only is he named Mike Hunt, but the internet makes fun of his name when he's murdered.

At last, CNN does something good with its website: it reports on a 17-year-old Maryland kid who heard about violence against Sudanese women who go looking for firewood and decided to raise money to send them stoves.

The war between Lindsay Lohan and her father, and her father and Samantha Ronson, rages on.

A Mexican beauty queen lost her title after getting caught up in a drug sweep.

$100,000 worth of cashews were stolen in Sydney yesterday.

And rumors involving the possible engagement of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen turn out to have been false (we think.)

Serial Killer Husband Has A Lotta Damn Gall...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 21:34:00 GMT

Drew Peterson killed two of his wives.

As these are only accusations at this point (and barely even that-- the police haven't even charged him with a crime), we could get in a bit of trouble for saying that. But we may have to sacrifice a bit of our own livelihood to wake up this obviously delusional, possible future-victim about to make the biggest mistake of her young life...

An unnamed twenty-four-year-old woman from Bolingbrook, Illinois (if we knew her name, we'd call 4-1-1 and straighten her out, Alec Baldwin-style) is reportedly engaged to Suspect #1, Drew Peterson, whose wife hasn't even been declared dead. This guy's got major cojones-- I thought he was like OJ, searching for the real killer. And hell, at least OJ had the brains not to get engaged during the investigation into his ex-wife's murder.

This guy is one sick individual, God knows what he's capable of doing to his latest early-20's "love." (That's right, his current wife is 24, if she's still alive. How is this guy cleaning up the Illinois-area single women?)

While You Were Sleeping: America's Most Wanted Murder... Solved

Male Fantasy: Who's Your Santa

Sloppy Seconds: Frisky's Ten Best Male Nude Scenes List

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 21:45:00 GMT

Roger Ebert ripped Ben Stein a new one again, and much more effectively this time, with a blog entitled "Win Ben Stein's Mind." As one commenter put it, " Should one win Ben Stein's mind, what would one do with it, since it is obviously useless as a functioning organ?"

Jon Hamm & Tina Fey? On 30 Rock, where the best celebrity couplings happen.

The first Best Movies Of The Year awards were given out by the National Board of Review... and the winners are:

Picture: Slumdog Millionaire
Director: David Fincher for ...Benjamin Button
Actress: Anne Hathaway for Rachel Getting Married
Actor: Clint Eastwood for Gran Torino
Supporting Actor: Josh Brolin for Milk
Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz for Vicki Cristina Barcelona

The Frisky came out with their ten best male nude scenes list.

An idiot Republican congresswoman hung up on Obama (twice!) and Rahm Emanuel, just for laughs.

Kristin Stewart as Joan Jett. Yeah, we can picture that.

And Jeremy Piven may be getting married to John Cleese's daughter.

Sean Penn Propositions James Franco for Sex

This Week in Gayness: Gotta Love Them Bathhouses

Sloppy Seconds: Flavor of the Week

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 50-41

Kelly Osbourne's Crazy Train Makes a Stop at the Nursery

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 18:40:00 GMT

Looks like Kelly Osbourne is engaged. Who, you ask, could be exciting, unmarred, and fresh-faced enough to win this 23-year-old's heart?

Answer: This, man, er, guy, ahem, child.

No, that is not the elf from Lord of the Rings. That is 18-year-old model Luke Worrall. Who is, did we mention, 18 years old and, according to Facebook, engaged to Kelly Osbourne who we could have sworn was older than 23, but hey whatever being Ozzy's kid probably prematurely ages you.

Luke likes skateboarding and has his lip pierced and Kelly is like so in love with him and they are going to make tons of babies just as soon as he gets sperms.

Sloppy Seconds: The Republicans Finally Find a Song

Emily Farris — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 21:21:00 GMT

Holly Madison talks about her break-up with Playboy papa Hugh Hefner. [FadedYouth]

When will Tina Fey be back on Saturday Night Live? The suspense is killing us! [Yahoo!]

Mark Wahlberg is getting married to his girlfriend and baby mama, Rhea Durham. What a funky bunch! [People]

Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer back together? Probably. Do we care anymore? Not really. [Us]

We have a sneaking suspicion that Hank Williams, Sr. wouldn't be too happy about Hank Williams, Jr. finally giving the Republicans their damn song. Especially because it's the worst version ever of an already sort-of bad song.

Related:

The Foo Fighters Would Like John McCain to Stop Comparing Himself to Kurt Cobain

Who Would You Rather: Joe "Boobies" Francis vs. Hugh Hefner?

If Only Tina Fey Would Play Sarah Palin in the Forthcoming Porno

Sloppy Seconds: More Fun With Sarah Palin Affair Rumors

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture?

Emily Farris — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 20:59:00 GMT

Melissa Etheridge plans to marry her long-time love, Tammy Lynn Michaels. [Us]

Phish will reunite for a 2009 tour. We didn't know they broke up, but yay for Phisheads. [MTV]

If, like us, your invitation to Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds' wedding got lost in the mail, you can read all about it here. [People]

And apparently Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson are planning to marry, too. [FadedYouth]

Not only is Robert Downey, Jr. the perfect choice to play Hugh Hefner, he's apparently also perfect to play Sherlock Holmes. [Yahoo!]

Watch Sarah Palin play the flute. Or not. [Radar]

Or, watch Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Barbara Walters argue over Palin. Honesty, it's more fun. [MollyGood]

We hate cigarettes as much as—or more than-the next guy (or gal), but we're a little miffed that the cigarette was removed from this iconic image of Bette Davis from "All About Eve" for her postage stamp. [NFDHD]

Related:

Who Are You and What Have You Done With Robert Downey, Jr?

Sloppy Seconds: Fake Sex Ruined The Real Thing for Robert Downey, Jr. and Heather Graham

Who Will Play Playboy Hugh Hefner in the Story of His Life?

Bette Davis Eyes: 41 Cents

The Miramax Telethon: Has Anything Good Ever Won An Oscar?

Justin Timberlake: Bringing Matrimony Back? (File Under: Jessica Biel May Be Off the Market)

Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 14:28:00 GMT

Justin Timberlake whisked his lady love, Jessica Biel, away to Rome for the weekend to ask one very important question.

Before a romantic lunch date overlooking a lake, Justin visited a jewelry store in Rome. The small hole-in-the-wall store named Nicla Boncompagni at Via Vittorio 4, famous for vintage pieces, sold JT a multi carat diamond engagement ring and a diamond encrusted bracelet. Both items according to staff inside the store are intended for Jessica.

Believe it or not, we actually have a lot of respect for JTimb. He transformed himself from a geeked-out, bleached-out boy band member to someone we'd happily make out with at a cocktail party. We wish them the best, and hope his ex, Cameron Diaz, helps herself to a nice, strong drink today.

[Faded Youth: BREAKING NEWS: JUSTIN PROPOSED TO JESSICA!!!]

Related:

Rumor Mongering: Did Justin Timberlake Impregnate Kate Hudson?

Let The Superbowl Commercials Begin, And Watch Justin Timberlake Get His Junk Crushed

Justin Timberlake Makes Us Kinda Like Sports

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Sloppy Seconds: You, Like Us, May Think This Picture of O.J. Simpson in a Courtroom is from the 90's, It is Not

Emily Farris — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 21:33:00 GMT

A bottled-water company in New York is now selling bottled water called Tap'dNY. And it's actually tap water from New York—which is actually great. [Tap'dNY]

Britney Spears will release her new album Circus on December 2, her 27th birthday. [MTV]

Jennifer Hudson is engaged to David Otunga, most famous for competing for New York's affections on the reality show I Love New York 2. Good luck with that, kids. [Stereohyped]

Eva Longoria Parker is not pregnant, "she's just fat," her co-stars say. We think that if she were really "just fat" they wouldn't be throwing the term "fat" around so easily, even if it is just for a role. But really, we don't care that much. [People]

Sarah Palin thought Tina Fey's impression of her was "quite funny" especially because Palin once dressed up as Fey for Halloween. [CBS]

Welcome to the nineties. O.J. Simpson is on trial yet again. But this time there will be no black gloves.. or so we imagine. [Yahoo!]

Sloppy Seconds: Are Lindsay and Sam Finally, Really Engaged?

Emily Farris — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 21:37:00 GMT

Barack Obama will be back on Saturday Night Live. Dear God, please, please, please let him play Sarah Palin. Nude. [Us]

And apparently now that Obama is involved, SNL is a "cult" Comedy Show. Who knew? [Yahoo!]

It seems that recently-divorced Pink is the latest victim of Scientology. [Yeeeah]

Just one day after Kanye West's outburst with the paparazzi that led to his arrest, he would like you to know he's totes cool with the paps. [People]

How are the McCain's like a drag queen? Why they stuff the "bad" bits (read: adopted Bangladeshi daughter) away. We didn't even know they had an adopted Bangladeshi daughter, did you? [Queerty]

We agree; Us Weekly's list of the top 25 most stylish New Yorkers is whack. [MollyGood]

According to the ever-reputable New York Post, Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are as good as engaged. We better get an invite. We have a dress we've been dying to wear to a wedding. [NYP]

While You Were Sleeping: Pete Wentz Exposes... His Past

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 13:45:00 GMT

Celebrity Headline of the AM: "What can't Ashton do?" Nope, we didn't read the story.

Non-Celebrity Headline of the Day: New Zealand Airline seeks bald men to use as walking billboards

The Daily Mail has discovered the best way to make someone fall in love with you: take them on a rollercoaster rid e.

Usher is going to have another baby! Well, Tameka Foster is, but who wants to read about her, right? Usher's having a baby...!

Pete Wentz (AND HIS LARGE PENIS) are fessing up about all the drugs (penis!) and alcohol.

Natasha Bedingfield is engaged. Believe it or not, this was a top story on every news site this morning.

And is it a sign that mainstream will start to go independent instead of the other way around? Sonic Youth confirms they are signing with Matador Records.

Related:

Crush of the Week: Pete Wentz

Are You One Of The Sexy People?

Sloppy Seconds: Eva Longoria's Lingerie Past

While You Were Sleeping: Sex and Chocolate

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 13:29:00 GMT

The government took over Freddie Mac and Sallie Mae, once again proving that if you bring in enough money, it doesn't matter who you fuck over, there will always be someone willing to bail you out.

That Asian junkie you've been reading about has thankfully kicked his addiction. You remember the story: he's an elephant.

Gisele Bundchen clears up those rumors about her "impending" marriage to Tom Brady:

Don’t place any bets on when Gisele Bündchen might marry boyfriend Tom Brady, says the supermodel. “I’m happy as I am,” she tells the Spanish edition of Vogue in its September issue. “Why is the whole world worked up about my getting married? I’m having a great time and I want to enjoy it.”

The Jerry Seinfeld commercial for Microsoft appears to have stumped everyone. Everyone.

Could the Top Chef: Ultimate Fighting Championship spinoff be far away in the future?

Obama and McCain will honor the victims of 9/11 and speak at Columbia University on the anniversary of the attacks. And yes, they were attacks, not bombings.

Meanwhile, the conservatives in Canada are learning how employ nasty Rovian tactics at home: the Prime Minister dissolved parliament in hopes the third election in just a few months will increase the conservative grip on government.

Between My Sheets polled the Top 100 sex bloggers of 2008. Obviously, we didn't make it because Between My Sheets isn't hip enough, damn it!

And Teri Hatcher has figured out the secret to life. Luckily for guys everywhere, it involves having sex with her:

[She] has motherly advice for her daughter – and the Desperate Housewives star is only too eager to share it. “Have great sex [and] eat the chocolate,” the single mom advises 10-year-old Emerson – and the general reading public – in Hatcher’s October column for Britain’s Glamour magazine.

Related:

Lindsay Lohan's "Secret Talent" Was Buried Forever

Quote of the Day: "I molded my ass."

Pure, Selfish, Chocolate-Filled Pleasure

Sloppy Seconds: Woman Who Delivered Baby In Car For VP?

While You Were Sleeping: Who Looks Best In A Bikini?

Giorgia Palmas Becomes Overnight Internet Sensation Based On One Photo

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Today in WTF: Female Stripper Charged With Raping Customer

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 17:24:00 GMT

We're going to have to tread lightly with this one...

A woman in Australia named Linda Maree Naggs was performing a striptease and or a lapdance at a bachelor party amid a parade of entertainers. The next thing she knew, she was charged with raping a man who was at that party. Here's what we think could have happened:

1) She actually did rape the guy. Duh, obviously it's possibly the charge is true. She could have taken off his pants and sat on his dick or roughed him up or maybe blown him when he was drunk. Anything could've happened, really.

2) The guy in the story is actually the groom and his fiancee found out, so he told her the stripper had raped him. Unlikely, but we're exploring all options out of a sense of fairness.

3) Maybe the newspaper reports of Naggs having "sexually penetrated the man" are poorly worded. Maybe Australia's sex laws are phrased in such a way to include inappropriate dancing/touching/blowing as rape, instead of something closer to a misdemeanor.

What do you think? Obviously, no one knows the exact details of the case-- for one thing, both parties have placed gag orders on themselves, despite the magistrate's decision to allow the facts be made public-- so we can only speculate... but are we missing some possibilities here? (Obviously, we'll provide more details if they ever become available...)

Image via MTV.

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Engagement Party Ends In Cheating, Beating, Arrest, No Makeup Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 13:50:00 GMT

A wedding in Washington State is in jeopardy following a wild fight on the bride's front lawn...

A 31-year-old woman in Poulsbo, WA was happily hosting her long-awaited engagement party last week when her 12-year-old son from a previous relationship whispered, "Hey, your future husband is in the other room making out with one of your best friends."

The woman, who was not named in news reports, calmly asked guests, including her fiancee, to leave the premises. As Nina Van Pallandt deadpans in The Long Goodbye, "Well, it looks like the party has come to an abrupt end." Instead of letting her guy go, though, she followed him outside and proceeded to beat the living crap out of him:

When he left the house, they say, she tackled him football-style, punched him some more, threw his watch into the bushes and broke his glasses.

Responding to a 911 call from her son, deputies arrested the woman for investigation of fourth-degree assault.

We have a couple of questions: who are these people that make out with other people at their own engagement parties? Who are these people who make out with those getting engaged? We always thought the phrase "get your own damn man" was quaint, but in this case, it seems entirely natural. (Also, what's with the 12-year-old looking out for his mom's future, then calling the cops on her five seconds later? Kid, sometimes people deserve an ass whopping, laws be damned...)

Via the AP.

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