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Ashton Kutcher to Spread His Manjunk All Over North America

Emily Farris — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 17:05:00 GMT

Parents: lock up your daughters (or daughters: lock up your mothers?). Ashton Kutcher is on the verge of spreading his man junk all across the great United States of America.

His film, "Spread" has been picked up by Overture Films/Anchor Bay after it screened at Sundance and the distributor is going to spread it far and wide.

Directed by David Mackenzie and written by Jason Dean Hall, "Spread" tells the story of Nicki (Kutcher) a gigolo (with a terrible name; are we sure he's not a trannie call girl?) who tries to become a one-woman (Margarita Levieva) man.

We can only hope it's better than "Duce Bigalow: Male Gigolo," but in all honestly, we probably won't see it.

Here's the Sundance clip of Kutcher putting the moves on sugar-mama Anne Heche.

[Yahoo!: Kutcher film "Spread" nabbed by distributor]

Related:

The Robin Williams "Dead Penis Society" Mystery

Chris Rock is Spending Inauguration Day in the Whitest Place in America

This Week In Gayness: Two Major Male Movie Stars Make Out

While You Were Sleeping: Mariah Carey's Big Movie Surprise

Heidi Fleiss Arrested for Drunk Driving... At 9 a.m.

Emily Farris — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 13:49:00 GMT

We haven't heard from Heidi Fleiss in a while, maybe because she's busy working on open a brothel for male escorts in Nevada. Anyway, the former madame was arrested yesterday for driving under the influence and possessing Vicodin that wasn't prescribed to her. The best (or rather, worst) part? All of this happened around 9 a.m.

[E! News: Heidi Fleiss Drives into Trouble]

The Blogger Who Cried "GAY!"

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 21:15:00 GMT

Blogger BigHeadDC might not be getting that million dollars from Larry Flynt as quickly as he first thought. Our little red-headed gay escort friend is vehemently denying any kind of relationship with Senator Lott. From Benjamin Nicholas' blog:

"It looks like a Washington DC-based blog called BigHeadDC is making claim that there was (or, is) a working relationship between myself and Senator Trent Lott. There are falsely pieced-together quotes that serve no purpose other than to sensationalize a completely fabricated scoop.

"I will continue to offer a great sense of confidentiality to the people I see. I have not, nor have I ever seen or had contact with Senator Trent Lott. It’s as simple as that. It never happened."

There's quite a bit to be read into that second part. And if someone was offering us that kind of money for uncovering sex scandals (technically, Flynt was offering it to anyone, so it could have been us) we might have worked a little harder to dig up some Republican gossip, too. Not that we're ruling out the possibility of this being true, because we love us a good sex scandal!

See the email exchange between Nicholas and BigHeadDC here.

The Escort Who Knew Too Much and the Blogger Who Wants Too Much

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 14:07:00 GMT

Big Head DC posits that a buff, redheaded male escort who knew a little too much about Senator Trent Lott's private life is the real reason the Senator announced his resignation yesterday. But like any good male escort, he has denied any relationship with Lott.

However, Mr. Big Head might just be trying to get a million bucks out of Larry Flynt.

Daily Mail Male Escort Article Recalls the Wisdom of Charles Sheen [UPDATED]

Bryan Christian — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 19:45:00 GMT

Meet Joanna Whiteley, an attractive 36-year old interior designer who hires male escorts to accompany her to social events -- and doesn't care who knows it. Or at least we hope, since there's a big article about her in the UK's Daily Mail.

Within minutes of Steve arriving for their date, she found him to be charming, articulate and handsome. But then he should be, given that Joanna was paying £350 for his company.

[...]

"One of my friends had read something about high-flying women hiring male escorts to chaperone them to parties and business events. We were all giggling about the idea of paying a beautiful man to grace your arm, but quietly I started to think it actually wasn't a bad idea."

Will it totally date us to say "You go, girl!" Oh, also: £350! That's like 15 grand in USD, right? Cripes. From the article, it doesn't seem like the guy even has to put out, so, you know: "You go, guy!"

Of course, this only reminds us of the wisdom of bon vivant and philosopher-john Charles "Charlie" Sheen, who (supposedly, since we can't find the reference) once said of prostitutes: "You don't pay for the sex; you pay for them to leave." True enough, Charles; your all-encompassing wisdom clearly extends to sex-free British escorts as well. Just the sort of piercing insight that we've come to expect from 40% of Two and a Half Men.

UPDATE: Reader D. opines that Jack Nicholson is actually the genius responsible for the "pay for them to leave" quote, which we'd totally buy. In fact, in our wildest dreams, both he and Mr. Sheen would have stumbled across the same nugget of wisdom in some fabulous, full-on bacchanalian moment of clarity shared only by world-class lotharios. (OK, in our wildest dreams, we'd have experienced the same moment of clarity ourselves. Moving on.) But unfortunately, the only legit reference we can find for Nicholson is the Guardian, which uses it so anecdotally that we're not sure it really counts. So, anyone interested in a little crowdsourcing experiment out there? Hit us with a verifiable reference for the quote in the comments here and we'll send you something to stick in your happyholes or a t-shirt or something.