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"You Traitor Pig!"

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 15:34:00 GMT

Yesterday, we showed you why it's important to avoid Facebook when you're pretending to need a sick day from work.

Today, we'll show an even more dangerous trap users can fall in to-- especially if those users are planning on having a wild bachelor party...

A guy, known in the media as Antonio M., was tagged in a photo on the social networking site-- the photo, it so happens, featured what appears to be a naked stripper behind him. (In the first place, nudity isn't allowed on the website-- so why did he even bother?) Instead of yelling at him for hanging out with naked women, his fiancee flipped the fuck out: she and a friend printed hundreds of posters (see above) and tacked them up around their Italian town, particularly near his office, the homes of their mutual friends, and other places of interest during their relationship. She called him a "traitor pig" for cavorting with this young woman, although there really isn't any evidence he did anything but have a stripper at his bachelor party (or attend a strip club or something similar.)

It doesn't matter-- 28-year-old Valerie A. signed the letter "your former betrothed bride and the 548 guests of our wedding."

Via Metro.

Related:

Don't Use Facebook on Your Sick Day, Silly

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Facebook

While You Were Sleeping: Facebook vs. Lesbians

18-Year-Old Boy Arrested in Most Bizarre Sex Tape Bust Yet

Woman Pulls Off Most Awesome Prank Ever: Sends Stripper To Impersonate Her At High School Reunion

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Facebook

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 13:59:00 GMT

The feminist porn awards sounds like a show somebody forgot to e-mail us an invite to.

Real-life lawyers working in Second Life law-- is there anything funnier?

A woman is suing her bank for telling her husband about her secret $150K account.

Question of the day: "If Dick Cheney believes he can prove that torture saved us from terrorist attacks, why does he oppose a full investigation?"

How funny is it that a major movie studio is remaking a movie as fucked up as Videodrome?

Police broke up a drug dealing operation... run by fifth graders.

The Flaming Lips won-- their biggest single is unofficially officially the state song of Oklahoma... or something.

Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard are finally tying the knot next month.

Felony Franks-- the world's most badass hotdog stand.

And Lindsay Lohan may be back together with that DJ girlfriend of hers.

Don't Use Facebook on Your Sick Day, Silly

The PETA Empire Strikes Back

Don't Use Facebook on Your Sick Day, Silly

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 19:49:00 GMT

We know it's hard to quit Facebook, the awful and unreadable website that networks socials.

But it may be advisable not to post status messages of any kind when you're on sick leave... my Mom works for an insurance-fraud investigation company and the first thing they check is your Facebook page-- to see if it says something like "Back home from the hospital, kicking back and playing Nintendo Wii with both of my broken hands!"

This dumbass should've known better...

CLICK ON THE IMAGE FOR A NEW WINDOW AND THE LARGER PHOTO

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While You Were Sleeping: Facebook vs. Lesbians

18-Year-Old Boy Arrested in Most Bizarre Sex Tape Bust Yet

We're Over Facebook, And Here's Why

While You Were Sleeping: Facebook vs. Lesbians

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:06:00 GMT

Don't forget to right-click the links to open them in a new window...

The latest victim of Fox is Pedro Almodovar?

It's almost impossible to get a perfect score on the SAT-- how impossible would it be to get perfect scores on the PSAT, ACT, and SATs?

We wonder why this worm sign fail isn't as common in Louisiana. And, by the way, we had a great first weekend of Jazz Fest.

David Letterman wants to see Lauren Conrad's rumored/long-awaited sex tape.

That meanie Miss California is now a folk hero among ignorant religious bigots.

The latest worldwide fad: that fun-lovin' swine flu thing.

90% of teenagers have cell phones these days, effectively making the previous generation the last one to prefer the physical presence of their friends.

Madonna is the hardest workin' mama in the biz.

Does Facebook have something against lesbians?

The TV couple you hate the most were legally married on Saturday in Pasadena.

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

Skinny Blonde Beer As Misogynist As It Is Gimmicky

We're Over Facebook, And Here's Why

Emily Farris — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 21:06:00 GMT

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Sable Starr, RIP

Colleen Kane — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 13:30:00 GMT

The famed '70s rock groupie Sable Starr has died at age 51, it was reported yesterday...on Facebook?

Legs McNeil, author of the punk oral history Please Kill Me, as well as the porn oral history The Other Hollywood, broke the news via status update on Facebook Monday.

McNeil posted this message from his friend Phillippe Marcade, before the news appeared elsewhere.

Sweet Sabel (sic) died of cancer, in her sleep, last friday night. I taledk (sic) to her boyfriend Bill this morning. It's so sad, I loved her, she was wonderful. I had last seen her last year as she visted my girlfriend and I in florida. We'll miss her dearly.

Other accounts online are attributing the cause of death to brain tumors.

Sable led the post-GTOs (Pamela Des Barres, Cynthia Plaster Caster) generation of groupies in the 1970s with her cohort Lori Lightning. She got an early start at age 13 or 14 and racked up relationships or relations with Keith Richards, Marc Bolan, Mickey Finn, Ron Asheton, Scott Asheton, Iggy Pop, Jimmy Page, David Bowie, Johnny Thunders, Richard Hell, and Stiv Bators.

Iggy Pop wrote "Look Away" about Sable and Johnny Thunders.

I slept wlth Sable when she was 13
Her parents were too rich to do anything
She rocked her way around L.A
'Til a New York doll carried her away
Look away Look away

Now he was blond and she was dark
They called him Thunder 'cause he had the spark
The dream he dreamed was straight and pure
But the confusion of life was gonna get him for sure
Look away Look away

They shared their clothes and their cowboy boots
Left them all over the floor while they dyed their roots
They live the dreann and they went non-stop
They did' ok 'til the band broke up
Look away Look away Look away Look away

Unfortunately the needle broke
Their rock and roll love like a bicycle spoke
I found her in a back street with her looks half gone
She was sellin something that I was on
Look away Look away

Now Thunder and me did not part friends
What we did once I wouldn't do again
So he stayed with the pure dream and followed the moon
'Til the drugs in his body made his mind a cartoon
Look away Look away

So a few years later Thunder died broke
Sable had a baby back at her folks
Me I went straight and serious too
There wasn't much else that I could do
Look away Look away

So now that I'm straight I'm settled too
I eat and I slesp and I work like you
I got lots of feelings but I hold them down
That's a way I cope with this shitty town
Look away Look away
Look away Look away

Read Sable's own juicy account of her tryst with David Bowie in this excerpt from Please Kill Me.

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Politician Probably Should've Taken Down Scandalous Facebook Profile First

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 21:26:00 GMT

This might be the first case of a political photo scandal on the internet eventually finishing off a politician's career. Ray Lam must be cursing the very existence of Facebook after two photos posted to his account caused him to drop out of an electoral grudge match.

Lam, who took down his Facebook account yesterday after the leak hit the Canadian press (the images above are of other Ray Lam's), didn't delete the photos from the web fast enough...

This photo, along with another one depicting Lam groping a woman's breasts, cost the candidate his standing in British Columbia's New Democratic Party and his spot on the ticket in a civil race. This is a setback for Canadian Scanner readers, for sure, as the Globe and Mail makes clear:

Mr. Lam's website says that he has a background in social services and non-profit groups.

Mr. Lam has been involved for several years with the Pride Society, a Vancouver-based advocacy group for the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered community. According to a Pride Society web site, Mr. Lam has been involved in several community organizations and was chair of Youthquest, Lesbian & Gay Youth Society of British Columbia.

So, if he's interested in all this gay activism, there is a strong possibility he's a homosexual, which means he wasn't even bothering these people sexually. Oh well-- behold the power of Facebook: it can't find anyone who believes it will last another two years, but it can bring down politicians with harmless "risque photos." Scary.

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No One's Getting Laided On Facebook Anymore

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 16:50:00 GMT

If you think that's fake, know this: we once had a capatcha on Ticketmaster that read "penile imploder."

I know it's hard to believe, but I have been picked up on Facebook before. (I'll let Colleen, Emly, and Ina weigh in on their own success, if they want-- but this is speaking strictly for myself.)

It doesn't happen very often, and certainly not since I removed "Single" from my profile, but it's entirely true that Facebook is a hotbed of sexual activity. According to this interesting chart we just came across, everyone is surfing Facebook after midnight in the hopes of getting laid and ending up at least claiming to have succeeded...

The graph charts the rise and fall of users claiming to have had sex-- after a drop around the end of last year, everyone is now saying "had sex" in their status updates, prompting the recent two-month-long spike on the readout. Whether these people had sex or just asked everyone else, desperately, "Hey Jamie-- had sex last night?" remains to be seen. Or doesn't-- since it's not like anyone's doing a formal study. (By the way, check out everyone getting laid in the fall/winter of '07/'08. Hot damn, where were we?)

Which leaves it up to us to ask-- are you getting laid thanks to Facebook?

Via Metro UK.

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Andy Asks: Facebook or F*ckbook?

Tropical Ants Have Completely Done Away With Men

While You Were Sleeping: The Endless Power of Bras

While You Were Sleeping: Lara Flynn Boyle Still Getting Naked

From Scanner HQ

While You Were Sleeping: The Endless Power of Bras

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 13:19:00 GMT

Chris Brown, bastard of the year, may be dating another woman he'll eventually make miserable.

Here's a big surprise: nudity is frowned upon, even in art galleries, in Vietnam.

Evil dictator condoms-- do we really want people to think their sperm might create the next Hitler?

Bras are even stronger than we thought. Or maybe it's money that stopped the bullet.

Dude, if the gardener says he slept with your wife, a famous model, he might be messing with you.

Did you never get into The Grateful Dead? This New York Times article might help.

Are these "animal sex toys" creepy, funny, or a bit of both?

The Taliban murdered two teenagers who were attempting to elope.

And Keira Knightley attacked the internet and dissed Facebook in particular. Good for her.

This Whole Chris Brown and Rihanna Story Is Getting Sicker By The Day

While You Were Sleeping: If Even Apple Is In Trouble...

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

While You Were Sleeping: John Mayer's Penis

While You Were Sleeping: Lara Flynn Boyle Still Getting Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:14:00 GMT

Phil Spector was finally convicted of second-degree murder. Bye bye, psycho.

Al Franken has been declared the winner of the Minnesota Senate race... again. And it's not over yet... although it's been over for months, of course.

A study shows that Facebook users have lower GPA's than non-Facebookers.

We're a bit out of this morning: did we tell you about the eight-year-old who couldn't get her marriage to a middle-aged man annulled in the great nation of Saudi Arabia? If not, you really need to read this.

Lara Flynn Boyle's still getting naked, but this time it's for a TV show.

The Neverland sale is going ahead as planned-- we hope they burn that whole sickening place to the ground on the way out.

After the Tweenbots thing yesterday, we were thinking New Yorkers were getting better at being aware and helpful. Not so much.

Want to get an iPhone but don't want to deal with AT&T's shitty plans?

Our Weekend Gift to You: Blood Alcohol Calculator

While You Were Sleeping: Foxy Brown Joins The Nipple Slip Parade

Twitter Goes to the Next Level: Flutter (Video)

From Scanner HQ

Emily Farris — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 15:41:00 GMT

Just a few friendly reminders from the Scanner business office:

1. Yesterday Colleen and I (Scanner Emily) were named among the Sexy Twitterati. Are you following us yet? @scanneremily and @colleenkane.

2. Will you be Nerve's friend—er fan—on Facebook! Pretty please? With a cherry on top? Just think how cool you'll look to all your other friends.

3. I'm still in the lead to win $200 for my dog-humping-leg missed connection, but to lock it in I could really, really use your 10 stars. It's just two clicks (one to get there and one to vote) and you have no idea how much $200 is to a blogger (like $2,000 to a normal person with a real job).

4. And just in case you've forgotten, you can now reach Scanner directly by typing dailyscanner.com into your address bar.

That is all. Happy Friday.

Andy Asks: Facebook or F*ckbook?

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 18:48:00 GMT

Our new friend Andy, who before offered us a male perspective on female birth control, now wants to know if Facebook has helped your sex life. We also think he might be trying to pick you up.

The past two weekends I've been out until sunrise, doing research. And the most awkward part is the ensuing period of reflection, phone tag and moderate self-doubt, wondering whether to call or text, how to best express my desire to have a great sexual experience, with no strings, in a consequence-free environment (something I can only imagine a lot of women are looking for as well...right Emily? [Ed note: AMEN!]). And it's tiring to spend my Sunday evenings playing phone tag with five or six women, picking up only to be inundated with stories about "crazy artist friends" and "adorable puppies" and "(insert crap I need to listen to when I mistakenly play grabass with a financial analyst)."

Enter Facebook. No women wants to be the one to have to pursue; a double standard perhaps, but with all the double standards men have inflicted on you for thousands of years, it's only fair. That said, with a Facebook page, it's really not much of a pursuit. Women and men on that site spend a fair amount of time staring at the pages of complete strangers, secret crushes, friends of friends, etc...my thoughts are, why not direct that crush to someone you already know smells good and tips well? The way I see it, this site can be like match.com in reverse; you get an idea of physical and conversational acumen, and if you want more, you go to their page and read about hopes and dreams, and that stupid shit. Or if you're me, you go straight into photos to find the bikini shot from that wild weekend you spent in Peurto Rico (if you didn't want me finding it, you wouldn't have posted it...sinner...).

Last weekend, as an experiment, I went out with my phone turned off, told a woman it was dead, and instead gave her my last name to look up on Facebook. From there its easy—she has a chance to engage in sober reflection on the evening, whilst ostensibly perusing my profile in search of my "shirtless dancing on the table at the beer garden after getting dumped by my girlfriend" photo. I, in turn, accept her friend request, and get to see her "that one time I did coke in Panama and spent three days surfing with some Australian named Chet" photo. So we even have something to talk about.

If you've got stories of Facebook working for you, I want to hear them. If you don't, you should go out and make some. And if you find yourself in Greenpoint, Brooklyn at 4:30 am on a weeknight, dancing on a table with some dude in a gorilla suit, well, you will most likely find your way into my next piece...

–Andy

Andy lives in Brooklyn, where he spends the majority of his time conversing with strangers about subjects that make them uncomfortable. He's in a band called Field Theory and works as a baker.

Related:

Ask Andy: Birth Control

Sloppy Seconds: Crazy Baby Lady Even Crazier Than We Thought

Emily Farris — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 00:51:00 GMT

The sheriff's department in Chicago's Cook County is suing Cralgslist, claiming the site is the largest source of prostitution in the United States. Um, yeah? [SunTimes]

Dare we pick up Jonathan Littell's 1,000-page Nazi-centered novel "The Kindly Ones" which "manages to be a near-masterpiece of historical fiction and at the same time a bloated, overlong masturbatory fantasia of sex and violence?" We just might. [Yahoo!]

Even Facebook is Twittering now. Sort of. [InformationWeek]

Prosecutors have charged Chris Brown with beating his girlfriend, Rihanna. He could get almost five years in jail if convicted of the two felonies. [Defamer]

Apparently Crazy Baby Lady Nadya Suleman couldn't even keep track of her children when she only had six, as evidenced by the audio of this October 9-1-1 call in which she can be heard screaming "Where's my son?" Sounds a lot like Angelina Jolie in Changeling, no? Except Angelina didn't say over and over again that she was going to kill herself. [Radar]

Related:

Crazy Baby Lady Gets Green Counter-Offer to Not Do Porn

Crazy Baby Lady to Become Crazy Sex Lady?

Crazy Baby Lady Is, In Fact, A Crazy Baby Lady

Someone Tell These Cheerleaders They Don't Need to Try So Hard

Colleen Kane — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 17:30:00 GMT

This latest newsmaking foible has numerous elements that commonly surface here on Scanner: the cheerleaders, the stripper pole, the drunken hijinks, the overage guy being inappropriate with the underage people, and that modern classic, getting in trouble when you post photos on Facebook.

And now, for how those puzzle pieces go together.

A cheerleading coach at Freedom High School in Bethlehem, PA, was given two photos featuring two cheerleaders from the squad, that were posted on Facebook. In one, a 16-year old was dancing on a stripper pole in uniform, with an alcoholic beverage in her hand (multi-tasker!), and the other showed a 14-year-old and a 16-year-old kissing 36-year old Steven Russo on the cheek. Russo is the father of a 17-year-old FHS student, who according to other students, has been throwing ragers ans supplying his son's classmates with alcoholic bevs.

At the rager in question, he encouraged the girls onto the pole in his basement. Now this creep is facing charges of endangerment to children, corruption of minors, and more.

Related:

In Photo War, Patriots Cheerleaders Outdo Cleveland Cavs Cheerleaders

Nude High School Cheerleader Scandal is Disturbing for a Few Reasons

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Cheerleaders Make Sports Watchable Again

Facebook is Turning Us Into Big Selfish Babies, or Something

Colleen Kane — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 22:04:00 GMT

I had a modern moment of being shocked by an overshare today on Facebook, in one of those "Even More Things About Me" lists, when someone I knew from school years ago briefly described a personal tragedy that should not (in my opinion) have been so casually dropped in a list viewable by everyone she knows. Is it possible to quit the Facebook, or is that not allowed?

Which brings us to the Facebook/ Twitter/ general social media news item of the day. A neuroscientist for Oxford is urging the government to think of the children when regulating the Internet, The Guardian reported. She told the House of Lords that growing up with social media sites could lead to adults with "a much more marked preference for the here-and-now, where the immediacy of an experience trumps any regard for the consequences."

Social network friendships "are devoid of cohesive narrative and long-term significance. As a consequence, the mid-21st century mind might almost be infantilized, characterised by short attention spans, sensationalism, inability to empathise and a shaky sense of identity".

Also, as children read less novels in favor of the immediate thrills of video games, she sees a loss of empathy. She also speculates whether the changeover to all-technology, all the time is related to the simultaneous increase in cases of ADD.

The article is a fascinating read, not to be summed up in a few tweets.

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Facebook Prevert Purge Brings Up Issue of Sex Offender Rights

Colleen Kane — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 19:53:00 GMT

Facebook recently purged over 5500 registered sex offenders from their social networking service, and now a new bill in Texas is calling for sex offenders to also register their email addresses, cell phone numbers, and online screen names, in addition to the usual address and photo available to the public.

Won't someone think of the sex offenders? Actually, one guy's case might make you reconsider.

In the case of Marc P. in Texas, his crime was a decade ago, when he had sex with a 14 year old at age 18. We personally know tons of sluts who had bfs in their 20s and even 30s while they were still underage. But should those old sleazes who engaged in consensual relationships be on sex offender lists with violent rapists and molesters? Also, critics have also pointed out that the current system is already rife with errors.

"What's next, a chip in my brain? A scarlet letter?" asked Marc in the Dallas News. "Are they going to look me up on dating Web sites? Check out my Facebook page? Now I'm going to be punished for being computer literate."

Things that make ya go hmmm.

Related:

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Mom Films Her Boyfriend Having Sex with Her 13-Year-Old Daughter

CO-ED Magazine's "Hottest Female Sex Offenders" List Too Bonkers to Ignore

How to Lose a Guy in 44 Bullet Points

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 19:09:00 GMT

The above video, "How to Break Up with Your Girlfriend in 64 Easy Steps," has been making its rounds on the Interwebs this week. But because women are generally more efficient at, well, most things, the ladies at The Frisky have come up with a mere 44 steps to take to break up with your boyfriend. We, of course, are still working on number one... well, really on number 44.

1. Get a boyfriend

2. Tell everyone you know you have a boyfriend

3. Update your Facebook profile to reflect that you now have a boyfriend

4. Stop hanging out with your friends so you can spend every minute with your boyfriend

5. Go on the Pill so you can have lots of unprotected sex with your boyfriend

6. Start reading The Knot and daydream about planning a wedding with your boyfriend

7. Look for apartments on Craigslist that you can move into with your boyfriend

8. Stock your fridge with your boyfriend’s favorite beer

9. Get annoyed when your boyfriend wants to hang out with the guys one night

10. Get angry when you and your boyfriend run into a girl he used to date at a party

11. Go balls-out ballistic when you and your boyfriend run into one of his co-workers and he introduces you as his “friend”

12. Break up

13. Tell everyone you know you’ve broken up

14. Change your Facebook status to reflect your breakup

15. See your friends for the first time in six months

16. Spend a weekend watching as many episodes of “Sex and the City” as you can

17. Decide that your ex-boyfriend is totally your Mr. Big

18. Go to Macy’s just to smell your ex-boyfriend’s cologne

19. Get a short haircut

20. Sleep with some hot random younger guy you meet in a bar one night

21. Tell everyone you know you slept with a hot random younger guy you met in a bar

22. Wonder why hot random younger guy never calls you afterward

23. Wonder why your ex-boyfriend never calls

24. Decide to call your ex-boyfriend and tell him you think you left one of your “Sex and the City” DVDs at his place and you want it back

25. Put on a cute new outfit and meet your ex-boyfriend for a quick drink so he can give you back your DVD

26. Tell your ex-boyfriend you miss him

27. Go back to his place and have break up sex

28. Wait for him to call afterward

29. Turn your apartment upside down looking for anything he may have left that you need to return to him immediately

30. Find an old copy of Time Out

31. Text him and ask if he wants his old copy of Time Out

32. Wonder why he isn’t texting you back

33. Text him something you overhear on the street the next day that you know he’d think was really funny

34. Wait for him to text back

35. Call him and leave a message asking if he’s getting your texts

36. Wait for him to call back

37. Call one of his friends and ask if he’s okay

38. Decide you need to take a break from dating

39. Tell everyone you know you’re taking a break from dating

40. Make a new Facebook status that says “Not dating anyone for at least three months”

41. Go to a friend’s engagement party and meet a hot vet who asks for your number

42. Decide it’s stupid not to date anyone for three months

43. Go out with hot vet

44. Repeat from beginning

[TheFrisky: How To Break Up With Your Boyfriend In 44 Easy Steps]

Related:

Scanner Roundtable: What's Up With All the Spring Break Ups?

End a Bad Relationship Today

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While You Were Sleeping: Is This The Dumbest Woman in the World?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Some band called The Fray has the #1 album in the United States. Remember what we said yesterday about Lily Allen having #1's and no one knowing who she is? It's a trend.

Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams are engaged. Mark our words-- these two will stayed married forever, or at least four months.

Want to know how much Facebook is worth? Nothing, and dropping. (Okay, really, it's allegedly in the billions... until Twitter takes over the social networking market.)

Here she is: the first famous homeless woman.

Wait, how do you get into a relationship with possible murderer Drew Peterson, go on TV, tell the whole world you were just using him, and then go right back into a relationship with him? We hate to say it, but we have no sympathy left for what might happen to this woman, who may be the dumbest in the world. She's been warned.

One reality show contestant showed San Francisco liberals can be just as awful at dealing with humans as everyone else.

Nicolette Sheridan is quitting Desperate Housewives.

Headline of the day: "Zorro in custody."

Today in Unlikely Couples: David Spade and....

While You Were Sleeping: Sex and Chocolate

I Hate Myself For Loving You: Lily Allen

If I Had a Meme: 25 Random Things

Emily Farris — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 22:01:00 GMT

You know that Facebook phenomena, the 25 Things thing? Either you love it or you hate it. If you hate it, you can stop reading now. However, if you—like me—hated it and then enjoyed reading your friends' and then sort-of reluctantly posted your own and then became sort-of obsessed you should keep reading.

There is no denying that we are a culture of chronic oversharers. I am an oversharer. We get a cheap thrill out of reading what other people overshare. If that weren't the case, most blogs wouldn't exist. So, instead of pretending we're not just like everyone else, my friend and I put together the 25 Random Things website in hopes of turning it into a longer project. (Yes, I overshared there and hope you will, too.)

[25randomthings.info]

Image via Leo Reynolds' flickr.

Facebook Quickly Becoming the Raging Cesspool MySpace, Friendster Could Only Hope to Be

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 18:48:00 GMT

Have you seen this message on Facebook: "[Friend's Name Here] is in serious trouble!!!"

Most likely, it's a Nigerian scammer talking...

Here's a report from America's most distrusted source of fake news, finally writing about something we care about while it's still happening:

"Bryan NEEDS HELP URGENTLY!!!"
His online friends saw the message and came to his aid. Some posted concerned messages on his public profile -- "What's happening????? What do you need?" one wrote. Another friend, Beny Rubinstein, got a direct message saying Rutberg had been robbed at gunpoint in London and needed money to get back to the United States.
So, trying to be a good friend, Rubinstein wired $1,143 to London in two installments, according to police in Bellevue, Washington.
Meanwhile, Rutberg was safe at home in Seattle.

Beny is such a great guy and a super friend, he's not even furious about his friend having fallen for a phising e-mail or having a weak password, causing him to lose his life savings. He's just glad that he didn't lose his friend Bryan Rutberg.

Several of our friends have changed their status updates to say: "Don't send me money" or "Someone hacked my account-- I'm not in trouble, I'm here at my shit job, as usual." Has anyone else had an experience like this?

Via CNN.

Related:

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Facebook Full of Refugee Pervs From MySpace?

This Kid Is Sooo Wasted...

The Best Sendup of Facebook Yet

Enterprising Teenager Amasses Collection of Solicited Nude Photos

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 14:44:00 GMT

If you were to read only that headline, you would be forgiven for mistaking this tale for one of those "heartwarming" Good Morning America segments about the teens that turn their jewelery hobbies into multimillion-dollar online businesses.

Unfortunately, that's decidedly not the case with this creepy story...

According to a local AP report out of the Milwaukee, Wisconsin area, an eighteen-year-old boy named Anthony Stanci is in cuffs today, charged with "five counts of child enticement, two counts of second-degree sexual assault of a child, two counts of third-degree sexual assault, possession of child pornography, repeated sexual assault of the same child, and making a bomb threat."

And what did he do, except for that last charge, to warrant such a rap? He started a Facebook account and pretended to be a hot teenage girl, then got more than 30 (that is, 30 known) male victims to send him nude photos of themselves. When they did so, he stayed in character and threatened to take the pics to the proper adults-- and/or forward them widely over the internet-- if they did not comply with "her" demands to see the boys have sex with another boy-- Anthony Stanci, as it turns out.

Several of the boys actually went through with it. This went on for several months, until Stanci took things too far-- he concluded this sick sexual game wasn't enough to get back at his high school, so he called in a bomb threat that shut down classes. That's when the cops decided to snoop into sicko boy's background.

The maximum penalty if convicted on all charges is nearly 300 years in prison. [AP]

Stanci is facing a very rough life in prison, regardless of the length of his sentence-- an eighteen-year-old homosexual convicted of raping boys is about the worst imaginable setup for an inmate...

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To Catch a Teacher, Brooklyn Edition

Facebook Full of Refugee Pervs From MySpace?

Colleen Kane — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 20:19:00 GMT

MySpace revealed today that they removed 90,000 registered sex offenders from the site over the past two years. But it's not like that can stop them from using social networking sites -- and where to go next? How about the social networking site that has profiles of everyone and their mothers: Facebook.

John Cardillo, a former NYC cop has the job of helping MySpace, Bebo and others identify sex offenders. One article says Cardillo calls Facebook a safe haven for these preverts. With an initial search, he's already found close to 8500 registered sex offenders on Facebook.

Facebook was not pleased with these accusations, and the above-cited article has already been updated twice with their responses:

"We have devoted significant resources to developing innovative and complex systems to proactively monitor the site and its users, including those not on a sex offender registry, for suspicious activity (such as contacting minors or users of predominantly one gender).
We also have established a large team of professional investigators to evaluate any reports of potential abuse, including those surfaced by our systems or from our users. We have been working proactively with states’ attorneys general to run their lists of registered sex offenders against our user base. Our team uses various internal tools to automatically find matches. Any potential matches are evaluated more fully by our internal team of investigation professionals.

If we find that someone on a sex offender registry is a likely match to a user on Facebook, we notify law enforcement and disable the account. In some cases, law enforcement has asked us to leave the accounts active so that they may investigate the user further."

Still, new parents might want to think twice before posting those baby and toddler pictures as viewable to the general public.

Related:

MySpace: Over, Sam and Lilo: Not

Blogger Reveals Facebook is 64% Female; Experience Reveals MySpace is 95% Jackasses

How Not to Use the Internet After Committing a Crime

The Best Sendup of Facebook Yet

Colleen Kane — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 17:56:00 GMT

Facebook! Am I right, people? It's freaky to be online "friends" with people you remember not particularly liking back in grammar school. But now that we're all adults, you have to accept these people's friend requests or it would be awkward in some modern way when you eventually run into them at a reunion or somewhere. Plus, once "friends," you can read their "25 RandomThings About Me" list and realize how much it reflects their insecurities. You can look at their lame life as represented on their profile and you can think to yourself, Who is popular now? Who has designer jeans now!??!

Ahem. Anyway, the sketch group Idiots of Ants (above) did a bit acting out Facebook in real life for the BBC Three show "The Wall," and while the show itself is now over, this video will live on as a great zing on Facebook culture. This is the most viewed BBC Three YouTube clip of all time, BTW.

Related:

Regarding The Facebook, It's Time for Plan B (Facebook the Sh*t Out of Facebook)

When Drinking and Technology Don't Mix: Scanner Emily's Facebook Faux Pas

"The Real World: Facebook" or Scanner Emily vs. The Mormons

Image

While You Were Sleeping: Getting Dumped On Facebook

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 14:20:00 GMT

"Sexting" is so popular even the backwards-ass morons at the New York Post are becoming aware of it.

The Republicans are planning to use Obama's plans to close Guantanamo Bay against him, maybe even as their lead line of attack.

And your worst nightmare is about to come true: Absolutely Fabulous is being remade as an American show.

The Silver Jews broke up. And apparently, David Berman's Dad is a psycho.

30 Rock and Kate Winslet('s cleavage) continue to collect the top awards. By the way, aside from 30 Rock, it's difficult to agree with any of the Screen Actors Guild choices, at least not the ones listed here.

Meanwhile, Slumdog Millionaire is doing very well in wide release, including in places like Butte, MT and Columbia, SC.

This is an incredible and surprisingly touching story of a Nigerian Facebook scam.

And speaking of Facebook, Prince Harry's five-year relationship has ended. The Royal found out himself only after seeing it in his Facebook News feed. Ow.

Today in "How'd That Get Up There?"

If You're Going to Give A BJ In Public...

Today's Topless PETA Roundup

Sloppy Seconds: Ted Haggard Speaks

Emily Farris — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 23:41:00 GMT

President Barack Obama (we love typing that!) overturned the Global Gag Rule today. [NYT]

We're not ones to let a little salmonella come between us and peanut butter, so we ate our peanut butter sandwich Girl Scout cookies before we even knew they were safe. [The Republican]

Also, we spent too much time on Craigslist today, but we found these gems:

This Kansas City gent wants a skinny girl, the kind other girls hate because she's so skinny. But only if "U R asked by other people if you have an eating disorder." [Craigslist Kansas City]

If a guy wants to lick you 'everywher' does it really matter if he can't spell? [Craigslist Corpus Christi]

Oh, and Facebook is probably ruining your relationship, whether you know it or not, so you might as well go on TV to talk about it. [Craigslist Austin]

We haven't heard anything from Ted Haggard since his gay sex/crystal Meth scandal. That's because the severance package from his church prevented him from talking. But in the HBO documentary, The Trials of Ted Haggard, he finally does. [VSL]

How Not to Use the Internet After Committing a Crime

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 14:46:00 GMT

Facebook and MySpace have been leading cops to crooks for years. Recently, one woman turned in a guy she was about to go on a first date with because she found discovered, via a web search, that he had an FBI warrant out for his arrest.

This story is the first case we've heard of where the suspect initially incriminated himself by performing a Google search...

A San Francisco investment banker with quite a history of DUIs was out driving on January 11th 2005 when he hit, and killed 55-year-old Gurdeep Kaur. Lee Harbert, the driver fled the scene.

The story that Mr Herbert stuck to was that he hit a deer. Releasing him from the need to stop and assist with whatever he had just ran over. Originally police reports were for a burgandy Jaguar, and Lee’s was black. No way it could have been him.

The cops weren't sure he was their man, since his car had been cleaned up...

Police later searched his house and computer. They searched his recent queries in Google and found these recent search terms: “auto parts, auto dealers out-of-state; auto glass, Las Vegas; auto glass reporting requirements to law enforcement, auto theft.” [Yeah, That's Odd]

But that's not what will ultimately convict the guy. Harbert's later search included the words "hit and run," followed by his looking up a news story about his own hit and run. Of course, we've heard plenty of instances of teachers, already arrested, being convicted of sex with underage students after their internet histories revealed such memorable phrases as "sex laws between teachers and students" and "laws against underage sex." But this is definitely the first case we can think of where a guy was arrested because of his internet searches.

By the way, the guy is now serving three years in the pen.

Related:

MI Teacher Wants You to Burn the Sheets After Hot Sex

Teacher Sex Craze Spreads to the U.K.

To Catch a Teacher, Brooklyn Edition

Scanner Roundtable: If We Tweet, Will You Follow?

Emily Farris — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 21:19:00 GMT

"Scanner Emily just downed half a box of Thin Mints, does not feel thin."

Hey Scanner Readers. Some of you out there are geeky enough to Twitter, right? You see, we've been trying really, really hard to avoid Twittering. After our drunken, ill-fated, misspelled attempt in Vegas we decided we were pretty much done with it. But we never deleted the account and have been secretly, quietly, shamefully "following" people. Now that we log on, say, once a day to find out what the Tweet is up, we're thinking about maybe, possibly trying it out in the real world. Because as we just learned, we have no power over Girl Scout cookies, and apparently none over technology either. But, really, does anyone even give a flying Tweet?

Related:

It's Friday the 13th and Scanner Emily is About to Board a Plane to Vegas

How Internet Famous Are You?

Surviving a Plane Crash, via Twitter

Twitter Gets Hacked, Or: Exactly How Large Is Britney's Vagina?

While You Were Sleeping: Sarah Palin Is A Big, Whiny Phony

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

A teacher kissed his sixteen-year-old student three times, his wife found out, and he resigned his position. Then, whoops, it turned out he hadn't done anything illegal.

That investment adviser who tried to fake his own death via plane crash was caught in Florida.

Guess which television personality said this to Kate Winslet: "I love the fact that you have real breasts?" Conan? Bill O'Reilly? Sean Hannity?

Kate Winslet was on Oprah today, and Ms. Winfrey made a point of talking about the sexually explicit flick The Reader. "In all the scenes, your breasts do what real breasts do," Oprah mused.

"I love the fact that you have real breasts," Oprah gushed to Kate... "God bless your real breasts." Kate, ever the good sport, said, "Thank you," and the audience burst into applause as the two women clasped hands in a real-breast-love-fest. [Jezebel]

Is this the first arrest via Facebook?

STD rates continue to climb, in spite of brave CNN's noble efforts to alert us.

The parents of Drew Peterson's girlfriend sound way too nonchalant about this. Whatever happened to a baseball bat and a loud "you stay away from my daughter, you hear?!"

Even pointing out what a lying idiot Sarah Palin is has become an utter waste of time, since she won't even acknowledge it when every one of her accusations turn out to be bullshit.

For a stupid Nike commercial masquerading as a YouTube video, this is pretty funny-- although we still could care less about Taylor Momsen, whoever that is. (To offset the fact that we're basically linking to an ad, you should buy Reebok or any other brand instead.)

Photo of Taylor Momsen via Gawker.

Dumbest Person Ever? Pregnant Woman Gives Birth on Rollercoaster

This Blog Has Been Rated NC-17

Chloe Sevigny Would Like More Topless Sex Scenes, Please

Who Would You Rather: Hot For Teacher Tournament

Colleen Kane — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 19:02:00 GMT

Inspired by the news of the latest teacher/student sexual liasons, more than 300 of which were allegedly perpetrated by married elementary teacher Christine McCallum (pictured, from Facebook) with a 13-year-old student after plying him with booze (waste booze much?), we decided it was time for a very important exercise: determining who of these allegedly/ definitely inappropriate teachers you, the readers, would rather. (Rather what? Er, "study under.")

Vote for your picks of the first two pairs of teachers, then those two winners will go on to compete against future winners, until we determine the favorite Teacher Gone Wild. We're told by someone who cares about sports that something called March Madness exists, where winners are determined in a similar fashion. Considering the amount of misbehaving teachers, this may very well go on until March and beyond.

First match: Newest teacher in trouble Christine McCallum. She seems to be saying, "Come 'n get it, tweens!"

VS.

Sandy Binkley, the 36-year-old Tennessee teacher who faces three felony counts of stautory rape after allegations of liasons with three different students.

And for the next match, in this corner we have everybody's favorite TILF, all-American beauty Debra Lafave, a married Tampa teacher who carried on with a 14-year-old student. (According to Jossip's roundup of rapey teachers, Nick Carter claims he lost his virginity to her.)

(We really don't see how anyone will beat this frontrunner, but we have to put her up against someone.)

VS.

Another classic, Pamela Smart, who pioneered this business way back in 1990 in New Hampshire, when she recruited her 15-year-old lovah and three other minors to kill her husband.

Related:

Scanner Emily'z Internets Iz Ded

Emily Farris — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 21:23:00 GMT

So my "modem was offline" (unbeknownst to me, thanks Time Warner!) for the last few hours. Then I return (it's still reaaaally slow) only to get this message? Why does the Internet hate me so much?

Good thing there's absolutely nothing happening this week...

Regarding The Facebook, It's Time for Plan B (Facebook the Sh*t Out of Facebook)