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PapSmeared: Clay Aiken and Reed Kelly Go Together Like Pinstripes and Argyle

Emily Farris — Wed, 13 May 2009 16:17:00 GMT

Coming to the Jersey Shore This Summer: Bottoms-Only Bikinis

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 17:28:00 GMT

Two Philly-area boutique owners are trying to start a new trend on the Jersey shore this summer: topless beachgoing.

They have managed to convince themselves they'll have no trouble unloading $75-200 bikini bottoms without including tops... and some people are convinced this is only the beginning of a new American trend. Several area media outlets picked up the story of the Jack & Jill Boutique in Old City, run by Anh Nguyen and partner Janice Lim, and trumpeted as the latest fad. We're guessing having Nguyen pose in the bikinis for one of the stories didn't hurt... although we're trying to figure out why she's wearing a top if she thinks it's so normal and cool...

MSNBC's reaction was similar to ours:

Since you're only buying half of a bathing suit you'll save money, right? Wrong! Each piece costs between $75 and $200. You can buy a matching cover-up and bikini top, too if flaunting your stuff isn’t your thing.

So, if that’s the case, can’t you just prance around topless in some bikini bottoms you already own? Save yourself the cash.

We're trying to figure out what these female business owners were thinking, promoting the idea of topless sunbathing in the state of New Jersey. Don't they know what the guys will do? These people still think Bon Jovi is a Genius, for God's sake. (Cue retaliatory comments from our fellow blogger, Jersey-Lovin' Colleen Kane, any moment now.)

But seriously, the woman pictured below has got a long road ahead of her if she's selling bottoms-only bikinis at those prices...

More of her here.

Related:

Nude Sunbathing Under Attack Worldwide

Australians Fight Back Against Potential Topless Sunbathing Ban

10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

New Female Railway Uniforms Are A Tid Bit Nipply

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 21:12:00 GMT

The Sun took a peek at the controversial new female uniform for National Express's East Coast line in England, where people still ride trains because they're cool. What they found will shock you... especially if the uniform turns out to look anything like this...

The Daily Mail has a more believable story, one that doesn't, um, describe the uniform as well as the above photo, but comes mighty close to giving credence to the unreliable Sun:

Women railway workers are refusing to wear new uniforms because they are too see-through, it was revealed today.
Female staff on National Express's East Coast line between London and Edinburgh said the new blouses were too thin and 'left little to the imagination' of passengers.
The Transport Salaried Staffs Association said its members had sent the blouses back to the company and demanded new ones which were not see-through.

With the way the world is turning, it's possible we'll see nude Hooters servers and shirtless Chippendale's parking valets any day now...

Via the Daily Mail.

Related:

Your Daily Dose of Sexism...

Not All Swedes Are Hot

Australians Fight Back Against Potential Topless Sunbathing Ban

Boy Suspended From School For Having Sex... Guess What Happened to His Partner?

Burlesque Star Wants To Spice Up Your Valentine's Day

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 15:46:00 GMT

Unfortunately, she did not offer to come to our house for a champagne-soaked threesome, but burlesque babe Ava Garter (yuk yuk yuk) proposed the next best thing: some fashion tips to rock your Valentine's Day this year.

For a change, they're actually quite good. Usually, the best V-Day advice is something akin to "stay in, get liquored up, dim the lights, break out the massage oil, and get down to business." But as she tells the Los Angeles Times, Garter has better ideas for this Saturday night.

Here are our favorite excerpts from the interview:

[On wearing that black dress you have hidden away:] A black dress should have a back or side zipper; you wouldn't want to get into a seduction scene and tug it over your head.

It's always very sexy to go with a pretty black bra, black garter belt, black panties with a bow and a nude sheer stocking. Black is slimming, and a nude stocking makes your legs look much longer.

For the bedroom, you can use a pair of black gloves as a tool for seduction that's very cheap -- remove them very slowly, one at a time, and take as long as you like.

If you're having dinner with your boyfriend or husband for Valentine's Day, touch up your lipstick very slowly in front of him and let him watch. Eyelashes are a fetish for me.
Pasta is inexpensive, easy and really romantic [for a perfect night in.]
One of the best gifts you can give a man is the gift of you, sharing time together and letting him off the hook for buying you something--

All right, that's enough. Don't get all sappy on us, Ava...

More with Ava Garter via the LA Times.

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Not All Swedes Are Hot

Colleen Kane — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 16:20:00 GMT

You might not want to believe it, but evidence has just emerged indicating that Sweden did have some fuggs in the 1970s. As punishment for their genetic failure, these outcasts were put in dance bands and forced to dress alike in Technicolor Spandex versions of high-school band uniforms.

Let's take a look at some more!

These guys are a close-knit group. But there's a reason (moose knuckle) they put old Beardy Svensson in the front there.

This one was started by Kenny Rogers fanatics.

And here we have HiCK, starring: The Hick.

You know who I'm talking about.

Just note the band name for this next one.

I also took the liberty of creating a Swedish Dance Band Supergroup. They are called SuperSvenska. Here's the lineup:

Bengt

Someone's hippy dad, Far

Andreas, the ego of the operation

This guy, who I like to call LOLsson

And don't forget The Swedish Hick.

See the whole treasure trove at Yemii Pics.

Related:

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Scanner Highs And Lows: Sweden Or Sexism?

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Madonna Has Sex With Herself To Benefit Louis Vuitton

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 14:39:00 GMT

Before you knock Madonna and call her irrelevant, you should know that she was the #1 live performer of 2008. (Of course, the Rolling Stones and the Grateful Dead were not on tour and Springsteen did a smaller tour this year. Oh, and the $200 tickets couldn't have hurt her numbers.)

So, not only are these entirely newsworthy-- and, hey, because her crotch is inarguably the focal point here, these photos qualify as "sex news," as well...

Via Jossip.

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Sloppy Seconds: How Kanye West is Handling the Recession

Emily Farris — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 00:41:00 GMT

The nearly naked girl Michael Phelps has been spotted with his not his girlfriend. Mmmkay? [Us]

Another one (of our potential future husbands) bites the dust. Sam Talbot, ~~winner~~ runner up from Season 2 of Top Chef got married in a secret ceremony last month, further increasing my chances of becoming the Crazy Cat Lady. [People]

If you're selling pictures you took of Amy Winehouse smoking crack, it's possible you were also smoking (or selling) crack and might go to jail. [Radar]

What does Harvey Weinstein have to say about yesterday's Golden Globe nominations? [Vulture]

Just in time for us to go all batshit on it, Facebook is now totally legit! Donald Graham, chairman and chief executive of the Washington Post Co, has agreed to join the board of directors. [Yahoo!]

Kanye West is looking for an internship. No, not an intern, an internship. [FadedYouth]

White House officials turned down Barack Obama's request to move into The Blair House—where incoming presidents usually stay before inauguration—early so that his daughters, Sasha and Malia could start school on time. We hear the Red Roof Inn is really nice, though. [NYT]

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: What Does LiLo Have Against ScarJo?

Emily Farris — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 22:09:00 GMT

We love Brian Williams and we love food courts (our first job was at Chinese Delight in the Independence Center, yo) so it should come as no surprise that we really love that NBC's Brian Williams loves to eat in food courts. [Parade]

Disney meal ticket Miley Cyrus was killed by a drunk driver over the weekend. Except totally not at all! [MTV]

Michael Jackson is being sued by the future king of Bahrain after Jackson supposedly backed out of a recording contract. [Radar]

How much fashion is really involved in the Victoria's Secret fashion show? Because we just see lots of skin. [NY Daily News]

Did you know that Scarlett Johansson was the inspiration behind Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl?" [People]

Could that be why Lindsay Lohan is no fan of Scarlett Johansson. Probably not. Two years after LiLo wrote some nasty words about ScarJo on a New York bathroom stall, Johansson still has no idea why LiLo hates her. [Us]

Top 5 Sexiest Celebrity Costumes

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 21:03:00 GMT

We mean costumes celebrities wear, because obviously a straight couple dressed as Sam and Lindsay is too obvious.

And by celebrity costumes we mean "besides the costumes they wear to premieres and when getting out of cabs without underwear." The Halloween kind of costumes...

Liv Tyler and her gang... but seriously, who wants to see these pictures...

...let's make this a Top 5 Sexiest Celebrities In Halloween Outfits list instead...

5. Kelly Ripa and Regis Philbin

Okay, we're half-joking about this selection...

4. Lauren Conrad "put on a pretty little sailor suit and cap," although she won't get that reference.

3. Someone needs to tell Heidi Klum there won't be a Catwoman sequel for her to star in...

2. Christina Aguilera and Some Dude play doctor

1. Lindsay Lohan tied with... Lindsay Lohan

Remember: it's the costume, not the celebrity, that makes these hot. By that same page, who can tell when Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are wearing costumes?

If anyone can send us links to at least five decent sexy male celebrities (we couldn't really find any in Halloween costumes, although some decent sex tapes did pop up), we'll do a Part Two.

Pics via Cityrags, the World of Isaac, and other sources

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We Love Amy Sedaris And Her Felt Vagina

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 20:28:00 GMT

There have been times when we've had a few beers and thought, "Why doesn't anyone agree with us that Amy Sedaris is the sexiest woman alive?" There have also been times when we've woken up in the middle of the night and had the very same thought-- and while totally sober that one time.

So it's totally unsurprising that this instant-classic-video from the E! show Chelsea Lately (which, supposing they ever have anything this funny again, we'll watch from now on) made us hot and bothered on a Monday afternoon...

Our favorite moments:

Sedaris: Based on your books, I decided you needed to know a bit about vaginal cleansing. [Let's see a line like that get past NBC during Leno's show.]
Sedaris: Here you have the outer folds [of the vagina.] Let's just go ahead and PIN these! [Ouch.]

Here's the video:

Related:

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Britney Spears Is (Almost) Not Completely Repulsive In Her New Video

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 16:41:00 GMT

Britney Spears has another comeback video for the masses to eat up for two seconds, then dispose of in the nearest receptacle.

Aside from the music, which, like everything the pop star has released, is awful beyond words in our current vocabulary, this is the best MTV video we've seen in years... which, since we haven't seen a video on MTV since 1993, isn't saying much...

Britney Spears - Womanizer (Director Cut)

We kind of like the part where she photocopies her ass (while wearing a skirt? wha?) and then, for no apparent reason, slams that guy's head onto the copier. It gave us a little peek into what likely goes on at Britney Headquarters on a daily basis-- Britney comes in wearing something that would be incredibly desirable on any other woman of the world, then beats the shit out of everyone and shaves herself in appropriate places, like her head or the backseat of a Volkswagen.

P.S. Can anyone explain to us why that cell phone calendar stops on April 20th, of all the dates in the world, the day of the Columbine massacre and Hitler's birthday? Just asking...

Have We Finally Found Stills from the Britney Spears Sex Tape?

Britney Spears Will Open VMA's, We Will Watch With Popcorn and Open Minds

Isn't It Ironic? Jonas Brothes Lurve Britney Spears

We Haven't Seen Britney Spears This Animated in Years (Har, Har)

Leryn Franco Makes Up For Missing Out On The Whole "Nude Olympians Craze"

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 19:45:00 GMT

Just a few weeks ago, the nation (and, in particular, this blog) jumped for joy when Olympians from Amanda Beard to Michael Phelps were the subject of nude (or at least very revealing) photos. Literally, the day after the closing ceremonies, interest in these photos dried up... and so, apparently, did the pipeline that flooded us with so many treasures.

But javelin thrower Leryn Franco is not content to fade into hotness obscurity just yet, especially since she missed out on the nudie wave back in the day...

Franco, who hails from the sensational nation of Paraguay and finished second-to-last in Beijing, at least has modeling to fall back onto: the below photos are from an undetermined fashion show at an undetermined location. (Who is the idiot who posted these online without saying where they came from?)

Anyway, enjoy... although we can't provide any more info or an explanation for the bizarre nature of at least one of these pics...

Related:

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Teenage Boy Busted For Receiving A Nude Picture Message

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Sloppy Seconds: Why is Philadelphia Extra Sunny Today?

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 21:44:00 GMT

Mister Clean, Mister Clean has died. Rather, House Peters Jr., the first actor to play Mr. Clean is dead at 92. [Yahoo!]

Bollywood is on strike! The world really is coming to an end. [Jossip]

"Can you say 'yes' instead of 'you betcha?" Number 6 on David Letterman's Top Ten Things Overheard at Sarah Palin's Debate Camp. [Us]

Every once in a while there's architecture (even-book related) that we just don't like. For some reason, this upside-down bookshelf really, really bothers us. [BoingBoing]

Things must be serious between Sir Paul McCartney and his new girlfriend, Nancy Shevell. McCartney took Shevell to his daughter Stella's fashion show in Paris. [People]

We thought we'd never be able to afford property, but apparently we're not looking in the right places. A woman in Chicago bought a house in Michigan on eBay for $1.75. We'll give her $10 for it. [Saginaw News]

We really loved "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" the few times we watched it before we decided cable was a luxury we could no longer afford, so it's no surprise that we didn't know two of the actors were a couple in real life. Did you? Well, they're married now. [Defamer]

Going to Japan? Don't Forget Your Parasol and Pink Wig.

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 19:17:00 GMT

We've just learned about another extremely strange fashion trend in Japan: Gothic-Lolita.

Serious, what the shit is this? Apparently it involves a lot of bows.

Thankfully, Reuters has taken the time to deliver us from our own ignorance by explaining the trend in more detail.

According to 24-year-old, part-time worker Eriko Enokizome, "Lolita is my basic needs. Without Lolita, I cannot be myself so I'm extremely glad that I found Lolita fashion."

Hmmm. OK. What else?

"Gothic-Lolita fashion is like that special magic that allows me to become a different character," said 25-year-old businesswoman Chizuru Matsuda.

"It's been eight years since I discovered this fashion, but it took me two years to actually complete my overall style."

Right. Still have no goddamn clue what is going on. But that's cool. Who needs logical explanations of fashion trends when you've got coordinated ruffles!

Caption This: Agyness Deyn And Her Friend's See-Through

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 20:17:00 GMT

Golly, we just love these Fashion Week photos... not of any of these scary-looking pencils on the catwalk, but the celebutantes on the prowl after hours...

Agyness Deyn, boyfriend/alleged fiancee of Albert Hammond, Jr., was one of the healthier models to grace London's catwalks this week. My God, the woman who wore the outfit Agyness is wearing in these pictures? Please, if you're reading this, get some help.) After a show, she was out in a dress someone else wore and which was designed by her chum Henry Holland, and partying it up with Jaime Winstone in their revealing outfits.

But what's Agyness saying to Jaime in this photo... or is Jaime saying something to her? Your captions, in the comments...

Via The Daily Mail.

Related:

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Mischa Barton's Nip Slip

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Caption This: Perv Photogs And Bai Ling's Nipple Slip

Who Tops People's Best Dressed List?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 15:35:00 GMT

While we were completely surprised by People Magazine's pick as the Best-Dressed Star of 2008, we completely agree with their choice.

As for the rest, well...

10. Charlize Theron

9. Eva Mendes

8. Michelle Obama

7. Sarah Jessica Parker Broderick Bradshaw

6. Heidi Klum

5. Kate Hudson

4. Anne Hathaway

3. Fergie

2. Gwyneth Paltrow

1. Rihanna

...what do you think?

Via People.

Related:

Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List: Perfect or Pathetic?

While You Were Sleeping: Obama Narrows His Choices

Sloppy Seconds: Kanye West's Arrest

Caption This: Lindsay Lohan's Boobs And Sam Ronson's Eyeline

Sloppy Seconds: The Stunning Conclusion To The Pimp Minister's Trial

Presenting High Heeled Shoes... For Babies

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 12:50:00 GMT

We're seriously not making this up. And we have pictures of this weirdness to prove it...

Sure, these are "fake" high heels in the sense that they have a squishy heel ("for safety reasons," as one of the designers put it), but we're still baffled that someone thought it was acceptable to have zero to six month old babies stumbling about in shoes with a stubbed dangling heel attached to them. And yes, they are deliberately geared to that exact age group. (Oh, and if, as the designers claim, they actually do fully flatten underneath, then what's the point? Do parents enjoy seeing their daughters crawl along the floor in heels? Reminds us too much of "Secretary" for our taste...)

Admittedly, this would be much worse if the "Heel-arious" shoes (yep, that's the actual name of the company) were just smaller versions of what long-suffering women wear everyday, but do we really want to damage our kids and their feet with this kind of thing so early on?

Perhaps we should give them the benefit of the doubt. Their website is so goofy and tries so desperately to empahsize its own harmlessness that it may, in fact, not be a completely terrible idea:

Extremely funny, completely soft shoes for babies
0-6 months designed to look like high heels
Not intended for walking (heel will collapse with weight).
Not intended to harm children in any way.

WARNING: May cause extreme smiling and hysterical laughter when in use (this is completely normal).

Honestly, probably not for the tot who has to wear them, but as long as mom's laughing her ass off, right? Oh well... if you've had a different experience, we'd love to hear about it...

Via Heelarious.

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back to dailyscanner.com

Caption This: Lindsay Lohan's Boobs And Sam Ronson's Eyeline

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 17:38:00 GMT

Who is this Sex Pistols reject and why is he allowed to peer down Lindsay Lohan's cleavage?

Love her or hate her, Lindsay Lohan still has the best boobs in Hollywood, or at least the best cleavage. And as you can see, Lindsay's 15-year-old boyfriend, Sam Ronson thinks so too. Now that's one lucky kid. Could you imagine still being in High School, and getting to date Lindsay Lohan? I think it's every young boy's dream.

Har har. The real story is that Lindsay and Samantha Ronson (who is actually a 31-year-old female DJ from Los Angeles, despite these cheap jokes) were in Bryant Park for Fashion Week, where news reports of an impending marriage have them avoiding the press. More importantly, there are the beginnings of lesbian baby reports:

British newspaper The News of The World claims the Mean Girls actress has approached one of her former boyfriends to help with the conception. A source close to Lindsay tells the paper, "Lindsay is in a very happy place at the moment. She's been having deep discussions about a baby.
"She wants a natural birth and has spoken to Sam about getting one of her ex-boyfriend's to help out. They don't want to adopt." [News.au.com]

Disappointingly, this "source" (of bullshit) doesn't know or won't say who the ex is. But whoever it is, they are sure to say yes... they'll say yes to anything while lost in Lindsay's #1 boobs...

Top photo via Egotastic.

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Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson: "A Lovely Couple"

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Sloppy Seconds: Matthew Broderick And Sarah Jessica Parker On The Run?

Vogue Gives $200 Umbrella to India's Poor, Snaps a Photo and Quickly Gets in the Car

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 14:39:00 GMT

This is a photo from the August issue of Vogue India. It shows a man from Rajasthan in India holding a $200 Burberry umbrella. The woman has an Etro bag. It's probably safe to assume the models in these photos cannot afford a $200 umbrella and would have the good sense not to buy one if they could. But, it looks like Vogue figured using average Indians to model expensive good would make a pretty picture, or at least be cleverly tongue-in-cheek.

Obviously, not everyone agrees.

There’s nothing “fun or funny” about putting a poor person in a mud hut in clothing designed by Alexander McQueen, [Kanika Gahlaut, a columnist for the daily newspaper Mail Today] said in a telephone interview. “There are farmer suicides here, for God’s sake” she said, referring to thousands of Indian farmers who have killed themselves in the last decade because of debt.

Vogue editor Priya Tanna's defense:

Vogue is about realizing the “power of fashion” she said, and the shoot was saying that “fashion is no longer a rich man’s privilege. Anyone can carry it off and make it look beautiful,” she said.

We are all about the message that the trappings of wealth and power are no longer just available to those with wealth and power. But in order for that to be a convincing message, you'd actually have to redistribute wealth and power. Photographing supposed "have nots" with $10,000 handbags does not send the message that fashion is for everyone, it reinforces the message that very few of India's 1.2 billion people have access to luxury goods (shit, plenty of people don't have access to enough food). The photo's conceit "works" because you'd never see this in real life--not because you should, or could as Priya Tanna claims.

While this is definitely not the first time regular folks have been appropriated for the profit and amusement of privileged readers, viewers, visitors, etc., to do so in the interest of selling useless, over-priced crap is even more infuriating.

Kate Moss: Unplugged, Uncensored, Uncovered

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 19:28:00 GMT

Kate Moss is our Girl of the Day, to be sure. First, she graces us with the news that she's going to get naked and perform in an orgy scene for her boyfriend's band's music video.

Then we get this Interview Magazine cover story, complete with outrageous quotes about men and sex, plus, of course, a stack of nude photos...

Were you ever too skinny?

Yeah, when I was doing shows and flying economy and nobody ever fed me... I hated it. I never liked being that skinny.... I was never anorexic, so I was never that skinny.

So, who's more diabolical, men or women?

Men for sure. 'Cause they're cunts! Absolute bastards!

What's the first thing you notice about a guy?

Oh, his eyes? The lips? I don't know.

A woman?

The tits. I'm a tit man. [They then talk about implants.] They are awful. So many of my friends have had them, and they’ve gone wrong. One of my friends’ tits started growling like the giant peach, and blood started coming out the nipple. Then another friend of mine had one that sort of moved up to her shoulder. One tit was normal, and the other was up by her collarbone. I know only one girl who has good ones. And most of them are so hard you can knock on them like a door. I’m not into them. I mean, if I got all saggy, like the sacks some women have after they have children, I’d have them done. I’m not against them, but if you have normal ones, just to have them enlarged for the sake of having big ones… I don’t really like big tits anyway.

Also, on how women over 30 are better in bed: "I could talk (dirty) when I was 20, I'm a lot better in the sack now."

What do you think? Is she hot or what?

Via Interview.

Kate Moss Doing Nude Orgy For Music Video

Sloppy Seconds: More Naughty Miley Cyrus Photos Leaked

While You Were Sleeping: The Last True Supermodel

Hot or Not: Heidi Klum Topless in Esquire

S&M Finally Goes Mainstream, Thanks To The Fashion World

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 18:16:00 GMT

The Frisky reports today on sadomasochism taking over the fashion world, with Calvin Klein putting out golden handcuffs and Dolce and Gabanna venturing into the growth industry that is padlocked belts...

1) Calvin Klein sent out these serious handcuffs... with orders for a fragrance. Huh? Apparently, some people believe a perfume can lead to wild, wild S&M sex, which we cannot understand, but whatever...

2) You remember Snap Sisters, right? Well, next up: Shackle Sisters.

Possibly the most prevalent trend is shackles. Seen on the runways at Lagerfeld, Lacroix, Lanvin, Marc Jacobs, and Temperley, this is the creme de la kinky trend. Embellished with rings, handles, and jewels, high-end manacles may be intended to curb the spending habits of those who sport them.

3) These Rodarte stilettos come off as borderline ridiculous until you notice their Bond Girl bonus feature: spikes!

Don't forget, you can always get your bondage gear from, you know, a store that actually specializes in such things. No need to go to the mall and ask them if they have any clothes like spears coming out of them...

Ideas via The Frisky. Thanks, Susannah!

While You Were Sleeping: The Nightmare on Elm Street Remake

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 13:43:00 GMT

In a small area of North Texas, it is now legal for teachers to carry handguns on school property. Of course, students are still not allowed to defend themselves from caning, punching, or shooting that may come their way. Ah, justice...

Speaking of Texas, a man who allegedly got naked and groped a four-year-old boy was almost immediately arrested and tasered by police. Now that's justice...

Wouldn't it be awesome if this guy played Freddy in the Nightmare on Elm Street remake? We mean-- wouldn't it be awesome if they didn't make it at all... but if they have to, wouldn't Billy Bob Thornton be a twisted, bizarre, possibly brilliant choice?

Lauren Conrad's clothing line has been dropped by Kitson.

Jerry Lewis claims the gun he was busted with at the airport was a telethon gift.

Oprah will be there for Obama at the convention.

And Eva Longoria still keeps in touch with her old Wendy's.

Thanks, Susan!

Move Over Lazy Young People, Persephone Lewin's Day Puts Yours To Shame

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 18:38:00 GMT

Persephone Lewin, who is somewhere in the neighborhood of 45, is a grandmother, solver of murders, burlesque dancer, author, comedian, yachtswoman, and YouTube sensation. We fear she'll ask us what we do with our time...

From an article in an English newspaper, we learn she is a

Yachtswoman, forensic science writer, businesswoman, mother, grandmother, musician, comedienne – oh, and burlesque artist; catch her act on YouTube...That’s her real name, by the way. Her mother was Greek so, naturally, named her daughter after a Greek goddess.

We further discover:

1) She is 4-foot-11 and has over 400 pairs of shoes

2) Lewin met her husband at a yacht club

3) She was a student at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts and has done stand-up

4) She had "her own manufacturing company (it made security fixings), [spent] ten years of raising their two children and then, something completely different, [worked in] forensic science."

5) Her husband worked for the coppers, matching up bite marks on murder victims to dental records of possible suspects. Together, their work launched a successful dual-autobiography and solved at least one murder, the strange death of a nine-year-old girl.

6) Even before all that:

She could sing, dance, play the trumpet and had a real knack for making fin de siècle costumes. At this point she hadn’t heard of burlesque, but that’s what her act became. So, complete with that penguin – now called Freddie – she took her very visual act to London, and is now a regular at Madam JoJo’s Burlesque Show in Soho.

Persephone doesn't strip so much as hint at the stripping to come later on in this clip from her act. Not to worry, your imagination should do the rest...

Via the Gazette.

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What Do We Think Of The New York Times And Their Love Of Shorts?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:29:00 GMT

Yesterday, the New York Times, continuing to run stories just to fill corners of its 800 ad-filled pages, ran a story on the Shorts Comeback...

Personally, we feel that men's shorts are not meant to be fashionable... they are for things like lounging, yard work, and making fun of other people for wearing. But the Times feels it has a major scoop on its hands-- the acceptance, and even fashionable use, of the male* pair of shorts.

Now it appears that, after some stops and starts in recent seasons, the men of the white collar work force are marching into the office in shorts.
It was no more than a moment ago, in the sartorial long view, that a guy who came to work wearing short pants would have been shown the door — or anyway, given the address for human resources at U.P.S. All that appears to be changing.
“Why go to work and be hot?” [Sean Avery, the hockey player] asked last week, adding that there was no compelling business reason to look modest and dull on the job. “You can look good and not have that boring-type look,” said Mr. Avery, who signed with the Dallas Stars this summer after several seasons with the Rangers. “Why are women allowed to do it and not men?”

Because we look dreadful in them, judging by the above photos and available mirrors. If you know something, we don't, please vote below:

*By the way, ladies are strongly encouraged to wear shorts-- they almost always work for us.

Via the New York Times.

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Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List: Perfect or Pathetic?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 13:28:00 GMT

The 2008 Vanity Fair International Best-Dressed list includes Ivanka Trump, Michelle Obama, and 8 other classy ladies, plus ten gentlemen, fashion professionals, couples, and more...

Are they missing anyone? Should Ivanka been vetoed for her mere affiliation with the Donald? And just who in blazes is Count Manfredi Della Gherardesca? He sounds like Don Novello's replacement character for Father Guido Sarducci, and no, that wasn't mean to be derogatory. Fill us in, after the jump:

Women

Charlotte Gainsbourg
Princess Alexandra of Greece
Marjorie Gubelmann
Princess Mafalda of Hesse
Fran Lebowitz
Michelle Obama
Bee Shaffer
Tilda Swinton
Ivanka Trump
Renée Zellweger

Men

Tiki Barber
Jonathan Becker
Count Manfredi Della Gherardesca
Lapo Elkann
Richard E. Grant
Lenny Kravitz
Luis and Rafael Medina
Hidetoshi Nakata
Nicolas Sarkozy
Gay Talese

Couples

David and Victoria Beckham
The Earl and Countess of Cawdor
Damon Dash and Rachel Roy
Frédéric Fekkai and Shirin von Wulffen
Mitch Glazer and Kelly Lynch
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore
David Lauren and Lauren Bush
Viscount and Viscountess Linley
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Ruben and Isabel Toledo

Fashion Professionals

Amy Astley
Tory Burch
Jefferson Hack
Liya Kebede
Alexandra Kotur
Margherita Missoni
Stefano Pilati
Michael Roberts
Katherine Ross
Hedi Slimane

Fashion Originals

Peter Beard
Carlyne Cerf de Dudzeele
Lisa Eisner

Hall of Fame

Alba Clemente
George Clooney
Marina Rust Connor
Anderson Cooper
Sofia Coppola
Jemima Khan
Anna Piaggi

Via Vanity Fair.

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Obama Tells His Staff Not To Go Green

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:20:00 GMT

Barack Obama warned his staff not to wear green clothing if accompanying him on his current trip to the Middle East. And it's not because he's mad Al Gore won't be his Vice President...

An Obama aide explained to reporters that green is the color associated with the militant Palestinian group Hamas. But while the color does appear on Hamas banners, there is no particular symbolism to wearing green clothes, experts said.

Moreover, green is more generally seen as a symbol of Islam.

Many people believe this has less to do with Hamas than with discredited smears perpetuated by Obama's detractors that he is a practicing Muslim. Obama's campaign, like many Democrats, is choosing to bend over backwards to make sure their enemies have no ammunition rather than fight the lies.

“I’ve been to the Middle East with Secretaries of State and on my own, and I’ve never heard of anything like that,” said New York Sun national security reporter Eli Lake.

Hamas, the group that controls the Gaza Strip, flies a green flag, as do some other Islamist groups. But the color appears on a vast array of official symbols, including the Saudi flag. Jordan’s Queen Rania al-Abdullah has been pictured in green outfits. [Politico]

In other news from the campaign trail, the Republican candidate himself is giving the Democrats plenty of ammo to "smear" him with in some sort of hackneyed attempt at redirecting the media's attention toward him. Today it was reported that McCain referred to an "Iraq-Pakistan border," which does not exist. (He meant "Afghanistan," not Iraq.)

Just in the past three weeks, McCain has also mistaken "Somalia" for "Sudan," and even football’s Green Bay Packers for the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Ironically, the errors have been concentrated in what should be his area of expertise: foreign affairs.

The McCain campaign says Obama has had plenty of flubs of his own, including a reference to "57 states" and a string of misstated place names during the primaries that Republicans gleefully sent around as YouTube links.

Via Politico.

China Says "Virgins Get Better Husbands"

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 19:29:00 GMT

While we were pleasantly surprised to learn that women in China still give birth to girls, we were nonetheless puzzled by this story in the Southern Weekly, one of the country's last bastions of progressivism...

Shen Fan's "chastity education" lasted over ten years. When Shen Fan was in middle school, she hardly played with boys, let alone went to any parties. She didn't play with boys, she didn't feel she needed to. Even now, she never goes home later than 9 o'clock when she is with her family on holidays.

Sometimes her mother tells Shen Fan her own story: When she was sent to the countryside during the Cultural Revolution, she and her girlfriends were determined not to marry peasants. Their determination paid off: after they went back to the cities, all of the "sisters" got married with government cadres, doctor and businessman—all of them urbanites. Every time Shen's mother meets these friends, she becomes even more proud of the right choice she made.

"My parents believe that the most important thing for a woman is to marry into a good family, and losing virginity before marriage is losing competitiveness, which may lead to losing an opportunity of a good marriage," said Shen Fan.

Is a girl who remains a virgin until marriage more likely to find a wonderful, sexually fulfilling husband (not that the Chinese government wants that), or a guy who is just interested in conquering a virgin, then will run off to start the cheating? Or something else?

Anyway, that's all beside the point-- check out the closing paragraph of the article, which will only further confuse you:

Now Shen Fan has a new boyfriend, but she has not told her parents, because he cannot meet her parents' standards for a prospective son-in-law. Another thing she does not want to let her parents know is that they had sex. Shen Fan said she tries to avoid wearing warm-colored clothes because that makes her feel less guilty.

Wait-- this is a story about chastity that ends with an unlocking of the chastity belt? Perhaps the writer had trouble finding any Chinese teenagers that were still virgins.

Meanwhile, the chastity and abstinence movement rolls on, further ignoring the statistics that say the program is only backfiring...

Via Danwei.

Barack Obama's Manbag Could Make the Bad Dressers Bitter

Emily Farris — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 15:37:00 GMT

Donatella Versace has designed her new men's line with one man in mind: Barack Obama. But some people worry the manbag and pastels might turn off blue collar voters. What do you think?

Five Things Women Think They Know About Men (But They're Wrong)

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 19:00:00 GMT

At the risk of turning into Cosmo for the day, we're going to set the record straight about some things, since all of them are getting out of hand.

5) We are freaked out if you want to cook us dinner... on the second date. Back when Washington was copping his first feel under the cherry tree (ah, young love), it was not frowned upon for a woman being courted for marriage to prepare a meal for her chaperoned suitor. This trend, it seems, peaked most especially in the 1950s, arguably one of America's most conservative eras. So why is it that women these days are afraid of cooking so early on in a "courtship?" The country has grown ever more progressive, yet small tokens of affection have increasingly been put off to a more secure point in the relationship. If you find yourself dating a guy who might balk at a minuscule hint at romance on the second date, get out now.

4) Wanting to have a serious conversation in bed, especially after sex, is acceptable. We know it's been a long day, you worked late, and this our first chance to talk. Too bad-- wait till the next opportunity to bring up your unintended pregnancy, marriage plans (for me!), and anything else with the exception of STD's. Yes, after sex is a great time to bring those up... or, you know... before, whichever's more convenient for you.

3) Men love breast implants. And we can tell, ladies, because your boobs don't move-- and part of the appeal of boobs is that they can move. But more importantly than that, it's a real turnoff to learn a) you're seriously lacking self-confidence and b) you think you'll attract more/better mates with those things. You won't. Which kind of guys do you think are more likely to appreciate fake tits? Confident, successful, "keepers" or keg-standing douches? (Remember, kids: organic beats processed any day.)

2) The thinner, the better. Ladies, skinny or otherwise, it's not a biggie (really), but when we start to pay more attention to your ribcage and vertebrae than your hypnotic eyes and sensational personality, we will force a waffle cone of rocky road ice cream on you. You'll thank us for it when you realize how much healthier it is to avoid looking as grossly thin as Paris Hilton.

1) Men give a rat's bunghole what shoes you're wearing. Certainly not unless they are gnarly flip-flops exposing even gnarlier toes or a pair of hot high heels. If you asked us what our girlfriend's shoe closet looks like, we will look at you like you are a martian or, worse, a Ron Paul supporter.

Feel free to add numbers six and up in the comments...

Fact: Jesus Had Short Hair

Steve McKay — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 16:08:00 GMT

Contrary to popular misconceptions, Jesus was not a longhair. It is amazing that in our own lifetime we will bear witness to one of the religious world’s greatest debates being put to rest. At long last, the fighting can end!

While others were frittering away their time examining pointless issues like what color Christ was or whether or not gays are people too, Dr. Jack Hyles dropped a bomb on the religious theory scene a few years ago. Although the man is no longer with us, his teachings live on via the Internet.

Section headings include:

-God Is Concerned About Our Apparel, Hair Styles, Etc

-The Bible Plainly Teaches That It Is A ‘Shame’ For A Man To Wear Long Hair

-Jesus Was Not A Nazarite

-If Jesus Had Been A Nazarite, He Still Would Not Necessarily Have Had Long Hair

We're sure that any day now people are going sit up in their barber's chairs and take notice, 'cause the way we see it, Hyles has convincingly proved his point that long hair is a universal symbol for rebellion and that wearing your hair short is a symbol of one’s belief in the Bible. But what does that say about skinheads and people with mohawks? And what about mullets? Hey, wait a minute…