Scanner : fhm

FHM's Ten Sexiest Women of 2009: Hot or Not?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 16:01:00 GMT

Yesterday, Emily revealed FHM's sexiest woman in the world (2009 High-Bidding Publicist's Decision Edition, of course.) As usual, no one has ever heard of her, much as they had never heard of Megan Fox last year. Well, this time we can prove the vote was rigged because the winner doesn't have cache like appearing in a recent #1 blockbuster to help boost her rankings... she's just some random vaguely hot model that is on the rise...

10. Freida Pinto (she should've been higher, especially this year)

9. Anna Friel (can't believe they called the now-canceled Pushing Daisies "massive")

8. Kristin Kreuk (uh, she was on Smallville... and... uh... yeah, hasn't been heard from since)

7. Elisha Cuthbert (booorriing choices in this top 10)

6. Adriana Lima (heard of her, can't place her, moving on)

5. Keeley Hazell (wait, Keeley Hazell isn't as sexy as...)

4. Britney Spears (...automatically invalidating the entire list...)

3. Jessica Alba (when are men going to get tired of this untalented nobody?)

2. Megan Fox (the dethroned champion falls to...)

1. Cheryl Cole. Uh, apparently she was on a show called the X Factor and annoys Simon Cowell. If that's true, why isn't she tied for the top spot with Jennifer Hudson, who is far more attractive? Let's look at the photo evidence:

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Another Woman We've Never Heard of Is FHM's Sexiest...

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Lingerie

AskMen's Top 99 Women

Colleen Kane — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 22:32:00 GMT

Today is special not just because it's the day after the Inauguration. No: today also marks the debut of AskMen's Top 99 Women, as voted by more than ten million site visitors.

You can see all 99 over there, but here are my reactions:

--Tina Fey, number 97? Not sure if that's an "Ouch" or a sign of the gradual acceptance of nerdly woman hotness.

--I was picturing AskMen to look like About.com for some reason. Or maybe Ask Jeeves. Instead it's a site that took all the flame-filled black backgrounds from fallen lad magazines like FHM. Dark red + black = MANLY WEBSITE DESIGN.

--Britney Spears, number 90: "Is she on this list because of guilt? Nope, she's on this list because all of a sudden, she's desirable again."

--Who's the lady in this photo? Stella Ebanks, Miss Number 17. No idea who she is, but I was distracted by her shiny curly outfit.

--Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba, who I kind of get mixed up, are ranked in a row 16 and 15 respectively. Does that men everyone else mixes them up, too?

--Wait whaaaat? I was shocked by number one:

Related:

When Tina Fey Was "Fat"

When Tina Fey Was "Fat," Her Cups Runnethed Over

Tina Fey for Oscars Host 2009!!!

Images: AskMen.com

Who Would You Rather: Megan Fox vs. Gemma Arterton?

Emily Farris — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 16:12:00 GMT

Yes, yes. You'd probably like them both—at the same time, we're sure. But if you had to choose just one (say, someone was holding a gun to your head), would you choose the one that FHM thinks is the hottest woman in the world (Fox) or the one that the men of Scanner think is the hottest woman in the world (Arterton)?

Related:

New Gemma Arterton Sex Scene Steams Us Up For Bond 22

Crush of the Week: Gemma Arterton, James Bond's Rebound Girl

Megan Fox's Lesbian (Stripper) Love

We Feel a Little Better About the Three Fried Dough Balls We Ate at Dinner

Who The Hell? FHM's Sexiest Woman in The World

Megan Fox's Lesbian (Stripper) Love

Emily Farris — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 16:51:00 GMT

Before she was "that hot girl from Transformers" or FHM's Sexiest Woman in the World, Megan Fox was just a girl in love with a girl—a Russian stripper named Nikita, to be more specific.

The 22-year-old actress who's now engaged to 90210 alum Brian Austin Green told GQ that when she was 18, she was in love with a woman named Nikita, who worked at her local Body Shop... and her local strip club.

"Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided — oh man, sorry, mommy! — that I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop. I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita... [She would do] these beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads."

Fox's publicist confirmed the GQ story with Yahoo! and while Fox doesn't identify herself as gay she — like most of us — has to admit there are some fucking beautiful women in the world.

"Look, I'm not a lesbian," said Fox. "I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl — Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She's mesmerizing. And lately I've been obsessed with Jenna Jameson, but ... oh boy."

[Yahoo: Megan Fox opens up about old flame: 'Nikita']

[GQ: Megan Fox Was a Teenage Lesbian!]

Related:

Giorgia Palmas Becomes Overnight Internet Sensation Based On One Photo

We Feel a Little Better About the Three Fried Dough Balls We Ate at Dinner

Who The Hell? FHM's Sexiest Woman in The World

[Image]

Rhythm Gymnast Swizzles Her Ribbon All Over FHM Magazine

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 17:15:00 GMT

Olympic athletes are all over the pages of FHM magazine these days. Our most recent discovery is a feature in Spanish FHM of rhythm gymnast Almudena Cid Tostado.

But the thing is, for a gymnast with supposed "rhythm," Almudena sure doesn't move much. Her signature "pose" confirmed after the jump:

Back arched, arms draped languidly over her head. Thaaaat's it!

We'd be really turned on if we weren't, like, half asleep.

[via Fleshbot]

Related:

The 5 Hottest Men And 5 Hottest Women Of The 2008 Summer Olympics

Bulgarian Wrestlers Win Big... Are Big

Look Out! Olympic Swimmer Amanda Beard Is Naked Again...

Who Would You Rather: Naked Olympic Swimmers Edition

China Rebrands With... Death Star 2.0?

Sloppy Seconds: A Whole-lotta Girl on Girl Competition

Emily Farris — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 21:47:00 GMT

Poland is flying the rainbow flag. And not just literally. [Queerty]

Jessica Simpson is a little bit country and a little bit blonde bimbo. [Us]

Art or child pornography? An photographer's exhibit depicting nude teenage boys and girls. [Scopical]

Somebody get Ed McMahon a Publisher's Clearinghouse check, STAT! His house might be foreclosed on. [Us]

FHM's Top 100 Sexiest Women in the World vs. Maxim's Top 100 Sexiest Women in the World. [Orlando Sentinel]

Also, the Real Housewives of New York vs. The Real Housewives of Orange County. [People]

Another Woman We've Never Heard of Is Maxim's Hottest Woman in The World

Emily Farris — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:53:00 GMT

A few weeks back, Scanner Brian was perplexed by the fact that FHM had named a woman we'd never heard of as its sexiest woman in the world. This month, Maxim pulls the same trick (even though we have heard of her, but only from one of our own).

And the winner is...

Marisa Miller.

Should we know who she is? Probably. Do we? Only because of Scanner Bryan. Is she the hottest woman in the world? She's definitely hot, but enh.

Scanner Bryan, you're welcome to disagree. So are the folks at Maxim who say she "embodies the official return of the all-American supermodel... Not since Cindy Crawford ruled the catwalk has a pinup born and bred on U.S. soil so thoroughly captured the imagination of the American male."

Also on the list: Scarlett Johansson (No. 2), Jessica Biel (No. 3). And in the top 10: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Elisha Cuthbert, Eva Mendes, Christina Aguilera, Lindsay Lohan (who topped last year's list) and Ashley Tisdale.

How much do you think these women's publicists pay to get them on the list?

No, you know what? Fuck this list. We're taking nominations for Scanner's Hottest Women in the World in the comments section.

[People: Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel Make Maxim's Hot List]

[Image]

Who The Hell? FHM's Sexiest Woman in The World

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Maybe we are falling behind, but we had only barely heard of FHM's #1 Sexiest Woman In The World before today's announcement. Does that make us bad bloggers... or heroic ones, since we did not have to subject you to our musings on her until now?

And the winner is...

Megan Fox!

Megan who? Apparently, she was in Transformers, which we still cannot believe was actually a theatrical motion picture and, even funnier, that thinking people actually paid up to $11 to see. We wouldn't be surprised if the new Indiana Jones movie bombs because it's too intelligent and doesn't have enough robotic explosions for people to shit their pants over.

But that's beside the point.

The point is: who the Christ is Megan Fox? We understand almost all the other entries on the list (#4 Elisha Cuthbert, #11 Hayden Panettiere, #20 Beyonce, etc.), although we're not sure why other guys continue to drool over boring chicks like Jessica Alba [#3} and Jessica Biel [#2], or anyone named Jessica, for that matter, without the last name of Lange. However, we would put in the earplugs and do Simpson in a heartbeat.)

Anyway, check out FHM's list, if the damn page ever loads...

Top Photo: FHM; Bottom Photo: GQ