Scanner : finger banging

Taste The Rainbow, Just Wash Your Hands First

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:54:00 GMT

As we mentioned in Sloppy Seconds Monday, in an effort to "embrace social media" Skittles relaunched their website as a Twitter feed—meaning every Tweet that mentions Skittles appears on their homepage. Obviously, this was either incredibly idiotic or an act of genius on the part of the Skittles marketing team, because no one is monitoring the feed, one only has to fill out an age waiver before entering the site. Scarmouch from Yes But No But Yes happened to log on to the Skittles homepage just in time to get the best screen shot/Tweet ever.

The picture juxtaposed with the Tweet is priceless.

In keeping with this theme, we will totally give a bearded man a handful of Skittles to dry hump us. (Dare we Tweet it?)

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Wanda Sykes Says "I Do"

Spirit Airlines Releases Sex Commercial, Pisses Everyone Off

The Mammary Game: Test Your "Boobie" Skills

We're Off to Get Finger Banged at Summer Camp

Emily Farris — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:11:00 GMT

Did you think we were joking about all that summer camp obsession business? Because today we're off to teach journalism and food writing (revolving around s'mores, thank you very much) to impressionable young things in the wilds of New Hampshire.

Truth be told, there probably won't be that much finger banging going on, at least not in our world, considering Scanner Emily is the oldest camp counselor ever, and those things are probably better left to the 17-year-old counselors across the lake. (Not that Emily doesn't enjoy a good finger banging or dry humping, it's just probably not going to happen.)

We will, however, be busy teaching and swimming and roasting marshmallows. So while you'll get some dispatches from Scanner Emily's Wet, Hot, American Summer, you'll see fewer Scanner Emily posts than usual. Scanner Brian and Scanner Nicole will hold down the fort, with a little help from the lovely Verena von Pfetten.

Be nice to them, and you just might be rewarded with a lanyard or a polished rock.

Related:

Summer Camp is So Gay!

Scanner Highs and Lows: We Got Finger Banged at Summer Camp

Open Thread: What's The Dirtiest Thing You Ever Did at Summer Camp?

"Wet, Hot, American Summer"... the Musical?

Michael Ian Black Recounts His Own Wet Hot American Summer

Scanner Roundtable: Bases

Emily Farris — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 17:08:00 GMT

On the car ride home from the best weekend ever that may or may not have involved us drinking too much whiskey and taking a series of pantsless pictures, we questioned a friend about what exactly happened when two people spent the night in her one-person tent. Of course, the subject of bases came up and there was some serious dissent among the car's five passengers.

As far as we're concerned, it goes like this:

1st Base: Kissing

2nd Base: Heavy Petting, Dry Humping, Hand Jobs, and our favorite term, Fingerbanging

3rd Base: Oral

Home: Intercourse

But apparently, many people believe that anything involving hand-gential contact is third. We've found ourselves Googling this topic on more than one occasion, only to be even more confused (maybe it's changed since the 50's?). We're sure someone out there can clear this up for us, though.

Scanner Highs and Lows: Can You Say Disappointment?

Scanner Highs and Lows: We Got Finger Banged at Summer Camp

Open Thread: What's The Dirtiest Thing You Ever Did at Summer Camp?

Michael Ian Black Recounts His Own Wet Hot American Summer

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National Fingerbang Day Leaves Us Feeling Empty

Emily Farris — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 18:07:00 GMT

We can often rely on Facebook to ruin our day, and today is no exception. When we were invited to National Fingerbang day we got all excited, marked our calendar and clipped our fingernails. Then we read the fine print.

It's some stupid holiday that some stupid college kids made up so they could run around and fake shoot each other. Fuck that. You know what? Next Friday, May 9 is our birthday and we're declaring that the real, official Fingerbang Day, when real, old-fashioned fingerbanging (read: finger fucking) will be not only encouraged, but required.

Wonder if our old friend Michael Ian Black will be around...

[Facebook: National Fingerbang Day]

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Open Thread: What's The Dirtiest Thing You Ever Did at Summer Camp?

Emily Farris — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 13:02:00 GMT

Last week we told you all about how we got finger banged by Michael Ian Black at summer camp. You might have guessed it was a lie. While he did finger bang some girl named Emily at his summer camp, it was not us or our summer camp. In fact, we had some pretty mild summers, sexually speaking. That's why we want to live vicariously through you. What's the dirtiest thing you ever did at summer camp?