Scanner : fire

VIDEO: Watch A Turkey Explode: The Dangers of Deep Frying

Scanner Matt — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 18:01:00 GMT

Americans can't just leave well enough alone. Somewhere down the line (and it did not start with the Wampanoag and the Puritans) turkey became the national food of choice on Thanksgiving Day. People stuck the bird in the oven and that was that.

But no longer does a simple turkey satisfy us. We want bigger, better, deep fried. I myself have fallen prey to the alluring possibilities of turkey cooking, regardless of how insanely frightening this video is...

Cooking is technically the transfer of heat to an edible object. When you think of it like that the possibilities start feeling endless. I've recently convinced my parents this Thanksgiving to forego the giant hormone-fueled tortured avian monster we usually squeeze into our oven for three modest free range organic turkeys equal in pounds.

I will prepare each of these turkeys in three separate ways:

A. Smoke (on a covered grill)

B. Deep Fry (in a cheap tin bucket in the backyard)

C. Roast (the classic way)

And I will get back to you with the results and hopefully some footage or photos (and all of my fingers). I've yet to make any decisions on brines or rubs as of yet.

Wish me luck and in the meantime please watch this turkey explode:

Related:

This Thanksgiving, Just Shut Up and Be Thankful for Your Faithful Mate (Who You Probably Don't Really Have)

**Marry, F*ck, or Kill?: Thanksgiving Dinner**

Nothing Says Thanksgiving Like a Rocketing Sperm Count

Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart Mash the Potatoes

While You Were Sleeping: The Facebook Firing

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 13:51:00 GMT

It became apparent that a Boston-area football coach was stealing from the school's uniform fund when he made an ATM withdrawal of $500 at 1am while standing next to a strip club.

A teacher in a Daytona-area school district was busted for some sleazy motel sex with her seventeen-year-old male charge.

Miss Louisiana Teen USA lost her title in the most embarrassing way imaginable: for skipping out on a restaurant check (what, they don't pay you enough, toots?) and, adding arrest to injury, leaving her marijuana behind.

David Duchovny filed a lawsuit over that tennis-pro-cheating bullshit story.

We always knew there'd eventual be a news story about some dummy getting busted by their boss for revealing, via a Facebook status update, that they are not actually "sick at home."

[H]e was found out when his boss spotted this Facebook profile update on the day in question, August 21: "Kyle Doyle is not going to work, f*** it I'm still trashed. SICKIE WOO!"

Ha ha, dickweed. Speaking of dickweeds, this guy claimed he was on his way to see Beyonce and that's why a cop shouldn't arrest him for driving like a drunk driver.

A Florida website about politics: "Top 5 reasons McCain could still win." No mention of what our #1 reason would be: "FLORIDA."

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World's Greatest Mom Defends Daughter's Honor... Shotgun Style

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Cheerleaders Make Sports Watchable Again

12-Year-Old Boy Gets Arrested For Attacking Pregnant Teacher, Threatening To Kill Her

Junior High Teacher Charged With... Oh My...

While You Were Sleeping: Beyonce Is One Sexy Cop

Sex Offender Running For VT Senate Seat

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Every day, we read more than one hundred stories from around the globe and eventually concentrate on four or five that really stand out.

This is not only the most unusual, interesting, heartbreaking, and, ultimately, frightening tale we've come across in months, but it also may been too good for a simple blog post... but we're going to try...

Larkin Forney (his real name) was born in Virginia. When he was nine years old, he was struck by a car traveling at approximately 50 MPH. The accident put him in a coma for weeks and caused a traumatic brain injury (TBI.) He spent the next several years catching up on the previous nine, since they were all but erased from his memory. Predictably, his grades plummeted and he ended up broke, unemployed, and playing out the role everyone else cast him in.

Cut to the early 21st century (Larking was born in 1977) and Larkin is arrested for sexually assaulting a 14-year-old girl. Larkin claimed in court that he was guilty but that he was ignorant of the girl's real age, since he simply took her word for it. Soon after, despondent and confused, he set fire to himself and, ultimately, a room in his parents' home; badly disfigured, he survived, only to wind up charged with arson and reckless endangerment-- talk about adding insult to injury. (We don't dispute the state's right to prosecute him on this one, just the necessity of doing so.)

Normally, a story like this would jump to today's news, about Forney's run for the State Senate on his own party's ticket, Justice For Vermonters. However, in the course of our research into Forney's background, we dug up a little more dirt (from October 2004) that shows, regardless of Forney's injuries, the fact of the matter is he may be more dangerous man than sympathetic sinner:

Defendant has been incarcerated since July 2003 when he failed to post $50,000 bail after being charged with arson and misdemeanor reckless endangerment... Defendant has other charges pending against him because of acts he allegedly committed while he was released on bail prior to his trial on felony counts for a third DWI, and a refusal to take an evidentiary breath test for a third DWI. While on release from the DWI charges, defendant initiated a consensual sexual relationship with a girl whom he met on the internet and whom he allegedly believed was of age. A police investigation conducted after defendant and the girl had been hospitalized for drug and alcohol overdoses revealed that the girl was under the age of sixteen, and that the two allegedly engaged in sexual intercourse on two occasions. These revelations led to two charges of sexual assault on a minor... Defendant could not post bail and as a result was briefly incarcerated until bail was raised. While out on release, defendant was charged with violating the condition that he not use the internet. Finally, out of frustration with his predicament, defendant apparently attempted to commit suicide by dousing himself in gasoline and setting a fire in his room at his parent' s house. The ensuing fire badly burned defendant and left his face and arms visibly disfigured. The fire also seriously damaged his parent's house. As a result, defendant was charged with arson and misdemeanor reckless endangerment of his mother, and the high bail was set.

When we first sat down to write about this guy, the post we had in mind was more along the lines of "this piece of trash thinks he can run for public office? Anybody can run for public office, but not a sick perverted idiot sex offender." Now, we're not so sure that's how we feel. Is the fact that he's obviously brain damaged, possibly mentally incompetent, and a prime candidate for psychiatric treatment enough to overshadow the fact that he's clearly-- pardon the term-- a "menace to society?" Moreover, does he have any business running for elected office either way?

"I want to be a senator because I think I could bring integrity and honesty back to the justice system which I believe is failing us because I have been a victim of false reports and false accusations," Forney said.

He spent 21 months behind bars for his sex crime conviction... And he says he will address the hot topic of the day-- dealing with sex offenders.

"I agree that there should be tighter restrictions for sex offenders who are real predators... a danger to society. I had testimony from professionals that I am no predator or a pedophile," Forney said.

That's something you don't see every century: a convicted sex offender running for office on a tough-on-sex-offenders platform. What do you think? Is this guy too scary to be on the streets or should we just incarcerate where he'd never be heard from again... such as the Vermont state government?

More on his run here, via WCAX. Campaign website is here. His brother's plea to treat Larkin with respect. And the court papers.

Related:

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Mom Sent 12,000+ Texts To Her Daughter's Ex-Boyfriend... Then Tried To Blackmail Him

Junior High Teacher Charged With... Oh My...

San Francisco Street Fair Would Make The Marquis de Sade Proud

Man Claims He Was Robbed By Gang Of Topless Women

Sloppy Seconds: Tina Fey's $6M Book Deal

Emily Farris — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 21:21:00 GMT

Nick Nolte's house has $3 million worth of damage after a fire ripped through his estate on Tuesday. Guess it can suck to be wealthy. [Us]

Ashlee Simpson dressed up like her big sister Jessica when celebrating her 24th birthday. "Ashlee wore Daisy Dukes and platform flip-flops with a bathing suit and a fake tattoo around her belly." [People]

Female Australian sumo wrestlers? Yes! [Daily Mail]

Former Us editor Bonnie Fuller is just like us, she has quite a bit to say about the election, too. [Jossip]

Tina Fey has signed a supposedly $6 million book deal with Little, Brown for a humor-based memoir. [INF]

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: Oh, Jeebus... Guess Who's Pregnant Again?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 14:34:00 GMT

Remember the woman who was allegedly stuck to a toilet for a couple years? Her boyfriend, although charged with a host of crimes in the case, still has time to go out and win the lottery... twice.

We've been waiting for more, um, developments in this case, but nevermind: a Playboy pinup testified in Federal court in the semi-well-known "suitcase full of $800,000" trial.

We absolutely love Nick Nolte. He is a badass without even trying. Check out what he did yesterday:

Nick suffered from "minor smoke inhalation," after attempting to fight a fire with a garden hose at his Malibu home Tuesday, an inspector at the L.A. County Fire Department confirms...

The actor, 67, took action after an electrical malfunction started the blaze in his home office, inspector Ron Haralson told Us. The fire department responded at 11:34 a.m., as TMZ.com first reported.

He didn't run out of the house screaming for help-- he fought that fire until his already-tar-and-smoke-filled lungs couldn't take it anymore. Nice work.

If this is real, then McCain is doomed: one supporter(?) claims to have received a prepaid FedEx return envelope from the McCain campaign asking for a donation. This is either the most desperate fundraising pitch ever or the most ingenious... possibly both.

Speaking of McCain, did you enjoy Tom Brokaw last night? Check him out here, talking about previous electoral campaigns. Pretty interesting.

Cameron Diaz reveals why her relationships don't work out:

"I'm a spoiled brat."

And... well isn't this wonderful? Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant again.

Related:

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Cameron Diaz Would Like To Date You... If You Meet Her Demands

While You Were Sleeping: The Tim Gunn Lawsuit

Cultural Clusterf*ck: Gossip Girl Meets 30 Rock

Anti-Teen Pregnancy Ad Proves PETA Doesn't Want Animals To Breed?

Gov. Declares Emergency: Man Stuck To A Port-A-Potty

Woman Takes Two Year Dump, Doesn't Get Dumped

Scanner Survey: Should We Abolish Superdelegates?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 13 May 2008 19:49:00 GMT

No, not should we abolish the process... should we abolish them with a great big laser, drowning them in popcorn, as in the end of Real Genius?

Vote in our poll, which really just asks the former, although we were tempted...

Meanwhile, the award-winning folks at Agit-Pop have produced an animation for your pleasure.

If you agree with this video, you should sign the letter (click on Take Action, above):

Dear Democratic Party Leadership (and you know who you are):

We the undersigned, do hereby urge you to fundamentally overhaul the superdelegate system. Or ditch it completely. You decide. Don't let this meltdown happen again. You're the "Democratic" Party for God's sake. We're watching and we vote.

They'll send the letters as e-mails to friendly DNC types like Al Gore and Donna Brazile... so if you agree or disagree, let us know in the comments.

The Craziest Fans In Sports?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:39:00 GMT

The Terror Alert Level has been elevated again after the President warned of possible sectarian violence between Yankees fans and Red Sox fans.

This follows the arrest of Ivonne Hernandez of New Hampshire on charges of second-degree murder and drunk driving, stemming from an incident on Friday night at a Nashau sports bar...

According to prosecutors and various reports... Hernandez drove at a group of people outside Slade's Food & Spirits... hitting and killing 29-year-old Matthew Beaudoin... The incident was reportedly sparked after Hernandez identified herself as a Yankees fan and someone in Beaudoin's group started chanting "Yankees suck!"

What happened to a good ribbing at your rival's expense? (More importantly, when did Lizzie Grubman get out on bail?)

When we were kids, we were really into baseball... and deathly afraid of Yankees fans. A friend's Dad told us this story (which we have put in our own words):

In the late seventies or early 80s, when Rod Carew was still playing for the Twins, I went to a Red Sox game at Fenway Park with an old friend of mine. This friend knew Rod Carew and Rod got us seats near the dugout. He came out to say hello before the game started and at the end of the conversation, asked us if we wanted anything, you know, from inside the baseball inner-world. I brazenly requested a Red Sox baseball cap from the actual Red Sox dugout. Rod nodded and went straight to their bench to ask for one.
I kept that cap for years-- you could say it was my most prized possession. Rod went on to the California Angels and although I've always been a Sox fan, I supported and admired him all his career. One year, I was at Yankee Stadium for a Yankees-Red Sox game and wore the hat Rod Carew had given me. At some point, as the game heated up, a man approached me with a knife in his hand. After a pause, he said, "Give me that hat." When I gave it to him, he set it on fire.

If You're Going to Drunkenly Sneak Off Into the Woods to Do It, At Least Piss on the Campfire Before You Go

Emily Farris — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 16:48:00 GMT

During junior year of high school, we "accidentally" had a really big party. Only six people were invited. How that turned into 150 we'll never really know. But after making out with two guys in the bathroom, who cared? Needless to say, the parents were pissed. They made us knock on the doors of everyone on the block to let them know our folks were sticking it to us, and write a letter of apology to the local police precinct (some friendly officers might have made a few appearances) But hey, accidents happen, right?

As soon as the people who police believe accidentally set fire to about 50 homes near Malibu after partying in the woods come forward, they're going to have some letter writing to do, too. Because after you burn someone's home to the ground, knocking on the door to apologize would be a little silly, to say the least. Authorities are hoping the guilty partiers will come forward, but would you really want to tell Flea you burned his house "to a crisp" after letting your campfire burn while getting it on in the woods?