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While You Were Sleeping: Facebook vs. Lesbians

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:06:00 GMT

Don't forget to right-click the links to open them in a new window...

The latest victim of Fox is Pedro Almodovar?

It's almost impossible to get a perfect score on the SAT-- how impossible would it be to get perfect scores on the PSAT, ACT, and SATs?

We wonder why this worm sign fail isn't as common in Louisiana. And, by the way, we had a great first weekend of Jazz Fest.

David Letterman wants to see Lauren Conrad's rumored/long-awaited sex tape.

That meanie Miss California is now a folk hero among ignorant religious bigots.

The latest worldwide fad: that fun-lovin' swine flu thing.

90% of teenagers have cell phones these days, effectively making the previous generation the last one to prefer the physical presence of their friends.

Madonna is the hardest workin' mama in the biz.

Does Facebook have something against lesbians?

The TV couple you hate the most were legally married on Saturday in Pasadena.

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No One's Getting Laided On Facebook Anymore

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 16:50:00 GMT

If you think that's fake, know this: we once had a capatcha on Ticketmaster that read "penile imploder."

I know it's hard to believe, but I have been picked up on Facebook before. (I'll let Colleen, Emly, and Ina weigh in on their own success, if they want-- but this is speaking strictly for myself.)

It doesn't happen very often, and certainly not since I removed "Single" from my profile, but it's entirely true that Facebook is a hotbed of sexual activity. According to this interesting chart we just came across, everyone is surfing Facebook after midnight in the hopes of getting laid and ending up at least claiming to have succeeded...

The graph charts the rise and fall of users claiming to have had sex-- after a drop around the end of last year, everyone is now saying "had sex" in their status updates, prompting the recent two-month-long spike on the readout. Whether these people had sex or just asked everyone else, desperately, "Hey Jamie-- had sex last night?" remains to be seen. Or doesn't-- since it's not like anyone's doing a formal study. (By the way, check out everyone getting laid in the fall/winter of '07/'08. Hot damn, where were we?)

Which leaves it up to us to ask-- are you getting laid thanks to Facebook?

Via Metro UK.

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Andy Asks: Facebook or F*ckbook?

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From Scanner HQ

Andy Asks: Facebook or F*ckbook?

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 18:48:00 GMT

Our new friend Andy, who before offered us a male perspective on female birth control, now wants to know if Facebook has helped your sex life. We also think he might be trying to pick you up.

The past two weekends I've been out until sunrise, doing research. And the most awkward part is the ensuing period of reflection, phone tag and moderate self-doubt, wondering whether to call or text, how to best express my desire to have a great sexual experience, with no strings, in a consequence-free environment (something I can only imagine a lot of women are looking for as well...right Emily? [Ed note: AMEN!]). And it's tiring to spend my Sunday evenings playing phone tag with five or six women, picking up only to be inundated with stories about "crazy artist friends" and "adorable puppies" and "(insert crap I need to listen to when I mistakenly play grabass with a financial analyst)."

Enter Facebook. No women wants to be the one to have to pursue; a double standard perhaps, but with all the double standards men have inflicted on you for thousands of years, it's only fair. That said, with a Facebook page, it's really not much of a pursuit. Women and men on that site spend a fair amount of time staring at the pages of complete strangers, secret crushes, friends of friends, etc...my thoughts are, why not direct that crush to someone you already know smells good and tips well? The way I see it, this site can be like match.com in reverse; you get an idea of physical and conversational acumen, and if you want more, you go to their page and read about hopes and dreams, and that stupid shit. Or if you're me, you go straight into photos to find the bikini shot from that wild weekend you spent in Peurto Rico (if you didn't want me finding it, you wouldn't have posted it...sinner...).

Last weekend, as an experiment, I went out with my phone turned off, told a woman it was dead, and instead gave her my last name to look up on Facebook. From there its easy—she has a chance to engage in sober reflection on the evening, whilst ostensibly perusing my profile in search of my "shirtless dancing on the table at the beer garden after getting dumped by my girlfriend" photo. I, in turn, accept her friend request, and get to see her "that one time I did coke in Panama and spent three days surfing with some Australian named Chet" photo. So we even have something to talk about.

If you've got stories of Facebook working for you, I want to hear them. If you don't, you should go out and make some. And if you find yourself in Greenpoint, Brooklyn at 4:30 am on a weeknight, dancing on a table with some dude in a gorilla suit, well, you will most likely find your way into my next piece...

–Andy

Andy lives in Brooklyn, where he spends the majority of his time conversing with strangers about subjects that make them uncomfortable. He's in a band called Field Theory and works as a baker.

Related:

Scanner : fuckbook

While You Were Sleeping: Facebook vs. Lesbians

No One's Getting Laided On Facebook Anymore

Andy Asks: Facebook or F*ckbook?

Tropical Ants Have Completely Done Away With Men

While You Were Sleeping: The Endless Power of Bras

While You Were Sleeping: Lara Flynn Boyle Still Getting Naked

From Scanner HQ

Andy Asks: Facebook or F*ckbook?

Ask Andy: Birth Control