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Brando's Beej Shot

Colleen Kane — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:15:00 GMT

L.A. Rag Mag has a post concerning Marlon Brando's secret but not-so-secret gay life, accompanied by a very NSFW photo to back it up. The infamous photo of Brando fellating his man-friend and roommate Wally Cox had been circulating for years, but apparently was just purchased by LA Rag Mag. (Why bother doing that if it's already on the Internet? That's what Gawks said.)

What was news to us were the quotes attributed to Brando regarding his homosexual tendencies.

"If Wally had been a woman, I would have married him and we would have lived happily ever after."

And here's another one from 1976.

“Homosexuality is so much in fashion it no longer makes news. Like a large number of men, I, too, have had homosexual experiences and I am not ashamed. I have never paid much attention to what people think about me.”

And Brando's ashes were even scattered with Cox'.

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This Week In Gayness: Sex Lives of the Gay and Famous

Bai Ling Trying To Make Mickey Rourke Regret Dumping Her

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 21:12:00 GMT

Today's Gawker and an edition of the New York Post are excited to report on superstar genius man-actor Mickey Rourke's revived love life. First, they point out, Mickey fended off Bai Ling, going stag to the Oscars, and now faces rumors that a Russian model is trying to use him for fame.

Both sources claim an unnamed "pop star/model" is leaking gossip to Russia's tabloids about her plans to marry the actor. Yeah, and I'd like to announce my engagement to Anne Hathaway, while we're at it.

Meanwhile, Bai Ling is doing some leaking of her own-- namely, these nude photos-- in an attempt to rebound from Rourke.

And the classics that captured his imagination in the first place...

Click the photos for the larger image.

Related:

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The Best Job in the World? Carnival Body Painters

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Dear Stones Piano Man: Do the "Write" Thing

Colleen Kane — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 18:36:00 GMT

Ah, the familiar codgers of the Rolling Stones: Keith, Mick, Ronnie, ?? and Charlie Watts.

The fellow you might not recognize in that photo is Chuck Leavell, the Stones' keyboardist. He seems like a decent man, and he owns Mother Nature Network (MNN), an environmental website aimed at regular folks who maybe can't afford solar panels but are still interested in protecting nature.

Nice guy, right? Here's why he got flack on Gawker.

Shortly after another enviromental publication, Plenty, folded at the beginning of 2009, came the news that MNN had acquired Plenty's content for their website. Plenty still owes its writers for their last few months of work (including yours truly), and the writers are getting restless. Some, including myself, have turned to MNN to see about getting paid, since inquiries to former Plenty editor Mark Spellun are not being answered. Did Chuck Leavell* / MNN assume responsibility for Plenty's debts when it acquired their content? Probably not. But surely there was some financial transaction from MNN to Plenty, which did not get paid forward to those who created some of that content. As Gawker points out, if Mother Nature Network really is all about the working slobs, they might want to throw some of us slobs a bone, or at least get involved in getting us paid.

* Chuck Leavell probably earns what is owed to me by striking one note on his piano. Just sayin'.

Related:

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Mick Jagger: "Performing is Like Sex"

A Comparatively Respectable New Gig for This Girl

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While You Were Sleeping: The Harry Potter Murder Case Ends

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:08:00 GMT

If any of our L.A. readers are going to see Kirk Douglas live on stage, consider yourselves very, very lucky... and envied.

The days of rock feuds have returned: Win Butler of Arcade Fire vs. Wayne Coyne of Flaming Lips.

Seems William H. Macy has always been babysitting Jeremy Piven.

If two Mexican drug cartels could set aside their differences, they could put a combined 100,000 henchmen to work against the United States... or take over the Mexican government, easy.

Horton Foote died at the age of 92. The Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright scripted the film of To Kill A Mockingbird.

Reader Art J. alerted us to the trial of a twin brothers accused of attempting to have sex with a corpse that looked hot in a newspaper photo.

A man was convicted of killing another man who appears in the next Harry Potter film.

Call us crazy but this looks like harmless fun to us.

And Robin Williams is in intensive care after complaining of shortness of breath. Gawker notes that his "older brother died two years ago from heart surgery complications..."

Bearded Men On Craig's List: Or, How We'll Get Scanner Emily To Move Back To NYC

Who Would You Rather: This Week's Newsmaking Naked Mens

A Very Important Annoucement from Scanner HQ or: Why Scanner Emily is No Longer on the Road to Becoming a Crazy Cat Lady

Joaquin Breakdown Watch™: It's Definitely An Act...Unless Not

Colleen Kane — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 20:20:00 GMT

TMZ is sure he's faking, and Gawker speculated that it might be a drug-fueled scheme. One thing's certain: if Joaquin Phoenix is doing this public-breakdown business for attention, it's working.

James Gray, the director of Phoenix' new rom com Two Lovers (the one he was supposedly promoting on Letterman two nights ago) claims to not know if this is a hoax or not, but he's concerned that he might have been responsible for inspiring Joaquin's burgeoning rap career.

"If it is an act, it's the most committed act I've ever seen in my life," he's quoted on Deadline Hollywood Daily, where he also commented on witnessing Phoenix' fatigue with acting while on set.

Apparently Phoenix' character's awkward freestyle rap in Two Lovers was inspired by the real-life antics of Gray. "He said, 'I want to do that, I want to steal from that, I want to do the rap that you used to do.' I said, 'OK.'"

Adding to the confusion about what's real and what's not, Gray adds that Phoenix built a music studio in his home.

"And now I'm seeing him do this thing, and I feel like I've ruined Joaquin Phoenix for the world. I don't want to be the guy that destroyed Joaquin Phoenix's acting career."

Related:

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Our Bearded Man of Last Week Has Some Issues

Bearded Man of the Week: Joaquin Phoenix

No Foreplay For You

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 15:51:00 GMT

Just in time for Valentine's Day: a new "study" we'll all agree to hate, saying foreplay is completely unnecessary, validating horndogs everywhere...

The findings appear in this week's issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine. (Wait, there's a Journal of Sexual Medicine? Why hasn't anyone sent us a subscription?) The article starts out by saying that therapists have been telling dudes for years that they need to warm their ladies up before things really get going. As lazy, selfish men have tried to tell everyone for years, this advice turns out to be irrelevant:

Turns out, [says the study of 2360 Czech women], sex time was correlated with orgasm consistency, but foreplay time was not. The results held even after excluding women who said they were with literal minutemen (these guys may have had problems with premature ejaculation.)

Among all the women, the average reported foreplay duration was 15.4 minutes, and the average intercourse duration 16.2 minutes, significantly higher than has been reported in American samples. The authors write: "It could be that this reflects, on average, a greater appreciation of intercourse and sensuality by Europeans than by Americans." Oh? Is that why Europe is the only continent with a population drop from 2000 to 2005? [Psychology Today]

Hey, leave the jokes to us, Psychology Today... not that we can come up with a comeback or anything...

Of the women who report average intercourse length of 1 to 10 minutes, 50% had an orgasm most of the time and 28% had them in a minority of cases or never. For women who report 11 to 20 minutes, the numbers are 62% and 22%, and for the women who boink more than 20 minutes they're 72% and 13%. On word of this research, I would not buy stock in Trojan Ultra Thins.

Oh. Snap. By the way, you can read more of this at Psychology Today, via Gawker.

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Mini-Me Makes Up For Size With Stamina In Bed

Scanner Roundtable: Is Oral Sex Overrated?

Russians Confused By, Not Necessarily Believers in the Female Orgasm

Mickey Rourke Enjoys the Flasher Groupies in France

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 21:29:00 GMT

Mickey Rourke doesn't care if he wins an Oscar or not... he just wants more of this incredible display of wintry boobs...

Mickey is in France, probably trying to work out a deal with Louis Safer (i.e. director Roman Polanski, who has a rumored film in the works), and the groupies are following his every move. Thank God Gawker found this photo of a young, randy, savage fan flashing The Wrestler star and-- bonus-- catching the classic grin on Rourke's surprised face...

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While You Were Sleeping: Sarah Palin Is A Big, Whiny Phony

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

A teacher kissed his sixteen-year-old student three times, his wife found out, and he resigned his position. Then, whoops, it turned out he hadn't done anything illegal.

That investment adviser who tried to fake his own death via plane crash was caught in Florida.

Guess which television personality said this to Kate Winslet: "I love the fact that you have real breasts?" Conan? Bill O'Reilly? Sean Hannity?

Kate Winslet was on Oprah today, and Ms. Winfrey made a point of talking about the sexually explicit flick The Reader. "In all the scenes, your breasts do what real breasts do," Oprah mused.

"I love the fact that you have real breasts," Oprah gushed to Kate... "God bless your real breasts." Kate, ever the good sport, said, "Thank you," and the audience burst into applause as the two women clasped hands in a real-breast-love-fest. [Jezebel]

Is this the first arrest via Facebook?

STD rates continue to climb, in spite of brave CNN's noble efforts to alert us.

The parents of Drew Peterson's girlfriend sound way too nonchalant about this. Whatever happened to a baseball bat and a loud "you stay away from my daughter, you hear?!"

Even pointing out what a lying idiot Sarah Palin is has become an utter waste of time, since she won't even acknowledge it when every one of her accusations turn out to be bullshit.

For a stupid Nike commercial masquerading as a YouTube video, this is pretty funny-- although we still could care less about Taylor Momsen, whoever that is. (To offset the fact that we're basically linking to an ad, you should buy Reebok or any other brand instead.)

Photo of Taylor Momsen via Gawker.

Dumbest Person Ever? Pregnant Woman Gives Birth on Rollercoaster

This Blog Has Been Rated NC-17

Chloe Sevigny Would Like More Topless Sex Scenes, Please

Something Useful We Hope You Don't Need Much in 2009

Colleen Kane — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 21:42:00 GMT

For too long now, when discussing bad news amongst friends, I have punctuated that verbally with the traditional sad horn sound: [wah-wahhhhhhhhh]. But now, just in time for the news in Gawker's "Great Magazine Die-Off" category that one of my regular freelance outlets is folding their print magazine, my old man stumbled across a newer and slightly updated handy push-button sound effect online, with an awesome url as a bonus.

You might recognize this sound of dismay from The Price is Right. It's the "you fucked up" sound.

Bombombomwooooo.com

It can easily be applied to "we're all screwed" and "oh crap I missed the credit card bill due date again so now my APR will be like 35%" and all sorts of similar sentiments. I know this is going to get a lot of use in my household, but lets hope none of us needs to use it too much.

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While You Were Sleeping: Tara Reid Back To The Booze

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Guess who's to blame for the continued conflicted in Gaza? The United States, that's who-- they blocked a UN resolution calling for an end to the fighting. (Not that it would've done a damn thing to stop the assault.)

Have you been buying Pepsi from the Atlanta plant? (First of all-- why are you buying Pepsi?) It turns out they are using illegal Mexican Pepsi.

Marijuana has been decriminalized in ~~Drugachusetts~~ Massachusetts (for the most part) and cops are refusing to hand out tickets because the law is "poorly" written. Now, we've got it-- just start passing laws that sound like they're restricting drugs, but make them so ridiculous, no one can prosecute. This is how we'll sneak past those right-wing nuts who think the War on Drugs is working.

What kind of moron calls 911 to complain that she's driving drunk? A moron who, unlike most, at least knows that she needs help.

Click here to see men with wings fly around mountains. No stinkin' jetpacks for these dudes.

Tara Reid has already checked out of rehab after only three weeks. Think she's cured?

We're not really sure what's up with this case involving a 16-year-old girl accusing a guy of taking nude photos of her in the shower, and the guy's girlfriend, who claims she took the pictures and framed him for the crime.

Gosh darn it, Al Franken is officially the winner of the Minnesota Senate race. Until, of course, the Republicans sue the pants off the guy.

This invention will conserve water by recycling handwash as toilet water. It's better than you think.

And, as you probably know already, John Travolta's sixteen-year-old son died of a head injury incurred while suffering a seizure. Gawker, in a careful, roundabout way, considers Scientology at least partly to blame, saying Travola and wife Kelly Preston "privileged their adherence to Scientology over their devotion to their son."

Sloppy Seconds: Kate Winslet's Secret

Three Men Jump 12-Year-Old Girl, Beat Her Up, Call Her A Hooker... Then Arrest Her

No, Wait, the Lithuanian Playboy Calendar Is What We Really Wanted

Scanner Highs and Lows: An Orgy of Holiday Weirdness

This Blog Has Been Rated NC-17

Ad Agency Sex Scandal Claims One Victim: The Cameraman

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 21:55:00 GMT

A screenshot from the already-infamous camera phone sex tape of a guy's co-workers getting it on, with the annoying Gawker addition of a turkey to cover the "naughty bits."

If you haven't seen it yet, you haven't been missing anything (the time you spent glancing at the above photo is more than enough)... although the story has gotten a lot more interesting in light of what happened to the guy who filmed some of sexcapades and spread the clip around via e-mail.

First off, he was fired. Secondly, he gave an interview to vent about his punishment, which was not equal to that of the participants, both of whom were cheating on their partners and got to keep their jobs.

In an interview with Asylum, the anonymous cinematographer had this to say about the incident:

It was one Friday afternoon and I received a call from a co-worker that he had found, or stumbled upon, two people making love in a cubicle. I didn't believe him, but I just ran up to meet him anyway to see what it was and sure enough, there were two people doing it. I know their names but I don't know them personally. It was around 5:10 in the afternoon -- not very late at all. It's an ad agency, so there are people there around the clock. The creatives don't leave until around 7 or 8.
I showed a couple of officemates on my phone and everyone was shocked and awed. I downloaded it to my computer and sent it on to two other co-workers and that was all the digital distribution I did and it just went viral from there.
They [the sex fiends] still work there. I think it's wrong. I don't see why I should get canned and not the ones who were doing the deed. But my plan is just to keep on trucking and find another job. My true goal is to join an agency as an art director.

Read the rest of the interview at Asylum.

Germany's Richest Woman Blackmailed With Own Sex Tape

Fake Shakespearean Actors Stage Colin Farrell Sex Tape

Guitar Hero. Then Guitar Hero: World Tour. And Now: Vagina Hero!

The 15 Most Promiscuous Countries

Sloppy Seconds: Photos of New Planets, Yay!

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 22:18:00 GMT

Same-sex heart transplants are the just better. (We'll resist gay marriage jokes here.)

Justin Long: from Drew Barrymore... to Tila Tequila? We're glad neither are divulging the make-out details.

Democratic Senator Barbara Boxer's aide was arrested for... have you guessed yet?

A “high-level” aide to communist Sen. Barbara Boxer of California has been arrested after — whoops! — he was caught chatting and swapping cock pictures with 13-year-old boys on a liberal social network called “Google Hello.” Gross! And the funny thing about one of those 13-year-old boys was that he was actually an FBI detective, trying to capture him. OOPS. Let’s learn more about Mr. Jeff Rosato, who has walked straight into a cold Blowvember gust. [Wonkette]

Jamie Lyn-Sigler: glad she doesn't have any kids, not as hot as she used to be, still dull.

Russell Brand says not being gay gets him laid. And hopefully he's shooting blanks. (You'll see what we mean.)

There has got to be an explanation for these fetus cookies, but we don't even want to hear it.

How much does a $2,000/hour escort, such as Natalie, seen above, take home? Gawker has the answer.

CNN has photos of two of the three new planets just discovered outside our solar system. They resist Uranus jokes, unfortunately, and don't comment on the fact that the planets are named "b" and "c." Wow.

12-Year-Old Boy Gets Arrested For Attacking Pregnant Teacher, Threatening To Kill Her

Photo Evidence: Tila Tequila Was A Vegas Call Girl

"The Real World: Facebook" or Scanner Emily vs. The Mormons

This Week In Gayness: Fauxmosexuals Ruining It For Everyone Else

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 13:49:00 GMT

There were millions of people at Rio de Janeiro's gay parade this week.

The Pin-Up Girls do burlesque for the LGBT crowd. We just want to know their tour dates and that is all:

[The Girls embrace] all different types of women. Girl on girl action, these girls make a big splash in the LGBT community. In other words, after a performance, there is not a dry seat in the house. [Lez Get Real]

The Connecticut Supreme Court's decision to legalize gay marriage pointed out the absurdity of gay marriage opponents arguing against the institution of marriage:

The majority opinion summarized their argument this way: "[T]hey asserted that the plaintiffs had failed to demonstrate that they have suffered any harm as a result of the statutory bar against same sex marriage because, under the civil union law, gay persons are entitled to all of the rights that married couples enjoy." Logic like this puts gay marriage opponents in the odd position of devaluing the institution of marriage. Marriage, they end up arguing, is nothing so special that it can't be replicated by a parallel institution--in this case, civil unions. Yet the entire point of creating civil unions is to preserve what is allegedly special about the institution of marriage. There is a pretty blatant contradiction here. [The New Republic]

Gawker wants to know if "fauxmosexuals" are ruining it for gay people? We don't have an answer for them, although we were glad to see someone else point out that Katy Perry stole her song from Jill Sobule's "I Kissed A Girl."

It's important to remember that, even after our victories in the courts, the scum are meanwhile redoubling their efforts. According to a variety of sources, "family"/morals groups have claimed victory in their boycott over the supposedly "pro-gay" McDonald's.

Keep up the good fight...

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This Week In Gayness: Gay Leader Assassinated

This Week In Gayness: Discriminated By McDonald's

While You Were Sleeping: Oh, Jeebus... Guess Who's Pregnant Again?

This Week In Gayness: The Saxon Warrior Lovers

Sloppy Seconds: It's a Cold, Black Friday

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 20:55:00 GMT

Last night's vice-presidential debate was the highest rated, televised VP debate ever. [Yahoo!]

Even Hillary Clinton had some nice things to say about Palin's performance. [Faded Youth]

And we kind-of hate Sam Ronson a little right now. [People]

“Nailin’ Paylin” is a “naughty adventure to the wild side of that sexy Alaska governor,” featuring “girl-on-girl lovin’,” “nailing the Russians, who come knocking on her back-door,” and a younger Palin getting seduced by her creationist college professor who “will explain a ‘big bang’ theory even she can’t deny!” [The Frisky]

Things are just as exciting, but less fun at Gawker Media where 19 people are about to lose their jobs. [Gawker]

Just in time for the bailout to be approved by Bush. [NYT]

An “expressionless” seven-year-old boy broke into a zoo, bludgeoned to death giant lizards and fed them – and other live animals - to a crocodile named Terry in Outback Australia this week. What the hell is going on in the world!? [MollyGood]

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: The Truth About The "Abusive" Paul McCartney

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 20:51:00 GMT

An earthquake this morning registered 5.4 on the Andy Richter scale and was felt from LA to Vegas and down to Mexico. There were no reported injuries as of post time.

Although he's charged with a DUI, Shia LaBeouf was not at fault for the car crash that flipped his truck. The other driver has been ticketed for running a red light...

PageSix claims Marc Jacobs has wed in Paris... and if you didn't know, he married...

his Brazilian boyfriend in a civil ceremony... which is not legally binding.

Other sources speculate that this is just a decoy move while Jacobs gets married elsewhere, away from the prying press...

Jennifer Aniston, Scarlett Johansson and Charlize Theron are to appear on a breast cancer telethon the night of September 5th.

We couldn't imagine Paul McCartney ever hitting anyone-- shit, could you imagine the guy who wrote "Yesterday" and "Maybe I'm Amazed" getting medieval on anyone? Now, Heather Mills' ex-publicist is speaking out and basically confirming what we suspected all along: the evidence of McCartney abusing his ex-wife was completely fabricated to help the wife's case.

We're pretty sure it's a fake of... something... but WTF is this photo Gawker posted?

You can download the Walkmen's excellent new album for $5, with all of the proceeds going to the cause of one hospitalized baby. The music revolution, indeed.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Madonna's Breakdown?

Sloppy Seconds: Brad and Angelina and the French Brawl

We Do Not Want to Meet Carlizina Jolectron in a Dark Alley

Hot or Not? Scarlett Johansson's Fuzzy Nipple

The Results Are In: Who Would You Rather, Scarlett Johansson or Natalie Portman?

Today in the Apocalypse: Man Injured in Mooning Prank Gone Wrong

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 19:13:00 GMT

Continuing signs of the coming apocalypse today in a variety of bizarre arrests and other News of The Weird exclusives. The Tampa, FL area continues to be a source of great amusement for Scanner bloggers-- today's story features a man brought in on felony charges for building a treehouse on a chemical company's forested property so he could feed his addiction to horse racing.

Raymond Rogers built hisself a fifteen-foot-high tree house in what he probably thought was some abandoned forest so he could use binoculars to eyeball the track. Rogers told police he had been banned from entering the grandstand itself after "causing problems with the customers." Hmmm...

Other signs of the coming apocalypse include:

Gawker reported on the above photo, which they claim is a real candid of a drunk driver showing up late to watch a Mexican bike race.

A mugger was chased down and busted by a man in a motorized wheelchair. And a 71 year old man.

Speaking of John McCain, he will try to steal the spotlight from the Democrats tonight by making a big speech about-- wait for it-- "change in America."

A Dutch 21-year-old male mortified patrons in a local restaurant by pressing his ass against the glass. The glass, as you probably guess, shattered into a bazillion pieces... and cut his ass off.

And in India, a man ordered his father murdered so he could ascend to his job on the day before the man was going to retire anyway and a married couple accidentally divorced ten years ago and they didn't even know it. Guess they saved a boatload on legal fees down the road...

Scanner Highs And Lows: You Take the Bad, We'll Take the Cannoli

Brian Fairbanks — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 01:39:00 GMT

We got into as much trouble as we could, whether we could get away with it or not...

Highs:

We found ourselves hypnotized by online dating. For, basically, the first time ever.

Our (inner) childhoods were re-staged.

Jessica Simpson is not procreating after all, thank God.

We watched people have sex. In the interest of science, of course.

David Cross finally got himself some tail.

A bunch of old people butchered our favorite "Sonic Youth" song. Huzzah!

Santorum Alley? Thanks, we kind of like it here on Manbone Ridge.

Between Gordon Ramsey and Bobby Flay, we picked Anthony Bourdain.

One of the Fugees found us worthy of his valuable time.

Lows:

We got arrested.

Even the Hulk couldn't get us laid.

We learned that Gawker spies are everywhere.

A "Sex and the City" actress had cancer.

We called B.S. on everything the Daily Mail's ever printed.

Barack Obama lost his shit.

Big Love Got Big, Big Time.

We learned that Chrissie Hynde's sex appeal applies to straight women, as well.

Somebody needs to learn that putting "service" in quotes like that is going to make people think you're offering happy endings.

NYC Oversharer To Blame Internet For Her Misery

Bryan Christian — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 18:04:00 GMT

Normally we'd feel a litle weird about posting the picture of someone who's allegedly engaging in a secret office romance with a coworker. Like, we don't know who this person is, or what her story is, and God knows it's between her and her bedmate whatever happens between them. Except, as Gawker reports today, when she goes and blabs loudly about it at the airport, so that everyone getting on her plane knows her story, and the names of her friends, and how great they've been through it all, etc., etc.

In which case, we think that Little Miss Blabbermouth here loses any claim to privacy on the matter (and, as we learned on one of last night's TNT Law & Order reruns, the courts might actually agree with us). More importantly -- you, our beloved readers, deserve a reminder that, in this day and age, pretty much nothing in public counts as private.

So, is that Orwellian? Common phone ettiquette? Um... Pass!

PS: The Standing Room, the site that initially posted the woman's picture, has removed it from their site. Conscience or something less magnanimous? Who can say...

Video of the Day: The Onion Movie Trailer!

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 13:00:00 GMT

If the readers of Gawker hate it, it must be funny...

We never realized how many people found the geniuses at the Onion unfunny, but then we realized that nobody impresses Gawker commentors like themselves. We'd be glad to rent this for free from Netflix/Blockbuster/Pirate Bay, although we must admit it looks, sounds, and feels (squishy) pretty damn similar to Kentucky Fried Movie:

Christopher Hitchens and Gawker are SOOO Right About Women Not Being Funny!

Katie Halper — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 22:04:00 GMT

Dear Hamilton Nolan,

Thank you for having the courage to say today what nobody else, besides Christopher Hitchens and most males, will say: women comics Suck! And Christopher Hitchens Rocks! You write The problem they [female comics] have is they often talk about things that women can relate to—relationships with men, babies, periods, shopping, love. As a man, I can't relate to all that. That puts women comics at a distinct disadvantage when trying to win over me and my fellow men. This is obvious day, right here. THANK YOU! I can't STAND when Sarah Silverman talks about her babies and periods, or when Tina Fey talks about her relationships or shopping. BORING!

And I too wonder why "girls" bother getting their frilly pink panties all up in a bunch over Christopher Hitchens. I love your point that Chris [that is SOOOO cool that you call him by his nickname!] Hitchens is a brilliant, repugnant slob of a man, and any argument he makes should be taken as one from a male point of view. For him to say that women aren't funny is for him to say that they're not funny to him, a man. THANK YOU! That reminds me of when the PC Nazis spit up their fair trade soy organic lattes over my occasional harmless observations about black people's inferior intelligence. See, I'm a brilliant, appealing, slob of a white person, and any argument I make should be taken as one from a white point of view. For me to say that black people aren't that smart is for me to say that they're not smart to me, a white person. So take a chill pill ladies... and black people.

Previously: Vanity Fair Capitalizes Yet Again On Totally Being Wrong

McLovin' Isn't All That Into Getting Freaky With You

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 14:00:00 GMT

As if the New York Times wasn't taking enough flak for its terrible reporting of the McCain sex ring, now their readers are LOL'ing at the gossip rag's reporting of a new study that seems to indicate all those Judd Aptow-Seth Rogan movies are not quite accurate depictions of teenage sex lives:

A new report in The Journal of Adolescence this month suggests that when it comes to sex, girls and dating, boys are more complex than we typically give them credit for. While hormonal urges are no doubt an important part of a teenage boy’s life, they aren’t necessarily the defining trait influencing a boy’s relationships with girls.

Salon has its own story on the story of the study, complete with snarky, Gawkeresque excerpts from the Times's comment section:

When the Times first blogged about the study, readers rushed in with snickering skepticism. Take this comment: "Based on my past experience as a teenage boy, this study just reinforces my view that teenage boys are horny liars." Or this: "Yeah right! 16-year-old boys are concerned about relationships?" Even this: "I can just about pinpoint the exact moment in my prepubescent life when the 'lies I told the ladies' turned into the 'truths' I told myself ... These punks have got one thing on their minds, and it ain't relationships." Holy protective posturing, Batman!

We remember that, yes, high school was about getting a girlfriend first and getting some poontang second (we're pretty sure we didn't think of it as poontang, either.) However, there isn't a guy, straight or gay, that passed through high school without at least having tried to put the moves on somebody, whether it's at the prom or under the bleachers with James Franco.

Gawker Does A Primer on Internet Grossouts. 'Cause That Makes Sense.

Bryan Christian — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 16:19:00 GMT

Huh. Apparently part of the new world order over at Camp Denton's flagship site, Gawker, is to assume that its readers have just discovered this magical new thing called "El Interweb" and therefore need a rundown of the legendary grossout perv memes like Two Girls One Cup, tubgirl, and goatse. Which maybe they do, but... no, actually, we're pretty sure they don't.

Don't get us wrong: we love that someone put together a one-stop shop for historic internet nastiness, if only for posterity, but isn't Gawker's doing that the same thing as, like, Page Six taking a moment to describe what a nightclub is? As in: it says more about what they've forgotten about their readers than what their readers ever needed to learn.

But hey, maybe we missed something and Marco Fiorito just moved to NYC, therefore putting it all squarely under the Gawker portfolio... Oh, wait a sec. We think Gawker have removed anything referring specifically to NYC from their header, which we're pretty sure used to refer to "New York media" or something and now reads simply: "Media gossip and pop culture round the clock." Oh good, 'cause there's no where else to get that.

Whatever. We're just happy we were able to use that 2G1C illo again. We worked on that for, like, 6 hours.

Gawker Fires Tionna "Tee" Smalls

Emily Farris — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 17:51:00 GMT

Sad news today for the Internets: Nick Denton, publisher and interim managing editor of Gawker has fired Tionna "Tee" Smalls in the wake of just about his entire editorial staff finally leaving this week. Tionna was known for her amazing rack, for Gawker making her famous, and for her to-the-point, sometimes grammatically mangled advice:

I don't know what it is about people these days but they just don't know the code. My thing is this, if you are going to cheat on me, at least have the respect to not let me find out. I mean, is that too much to ask for? Damn.

We wish you the best, Tionna. And we'll be looking for "Crossfire: Tionna Tee Smalls vs. Julia Allison" to premiere after iVillage any day now.

[Gawker: On the Internet, nobody goes quietly]

Gawker Probably Still Wants You

Emily Farris — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 21:58:00 GMT

Reports are trickling in that it was not anyone inside Gawker who posted on Craigslist looking for characters, but that someone out there is putting up fake ads. Probably the same person who posted this one.

Knowing Gawker like we do, we figure they'll probably want to add this trickster to the list of People We Made Famous, with the likes of Julia Allison and crazytown Queens roommates Emily and Michelle -- that is, if this person is good looking. So, Trickster, unless you have a face for radio (and we have a strange suspicion you don't), come forth and show yourself.

What Major Media Gossip Blog is Using Craigslist to Find Characters for Stories?

Emily Farris — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 13:56:00 GMT

We're not pointing any fingers, really, more just wondering out loud and in print... but about a month ago, Gawker brought us the story of Emily and Michelle, crazytown roommates who couldn't understand why no one wanted to live in their four-bedroom Astoria apartment with them. Gawker poked good, clean fun at the girls, then later posted a video of their open house brunch. The Emily and Michelle story resulted in four posts and about 37,000 views on Gawker.

Fine, fun reportage of eccentric New Yorkers, we thought... until we found this...

Media Blog Seeks Fameballs - website4mw - 6 (Lower East Side)

Reply to: pers-492450402@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-11-28, 4:41PM EST

We are a popular, widely-read Manhattan media news and gossip website, and we're looking for young, ambitious, and (preferably) good-looking men and women in New York for a symbiotic relationship in which you do something degrading or shameful on the Internet, we then turn you into an object of incessant ridicule, and both of us enjoy the resulting increase in attention and web traffic, respectively, our readers' lust for public derision is sure to provide. As our readership is comprised almost entirely of gullible sycophants who are desperate for even the most inane forms of workday entertainment, our complicity will not be a problem.

If you're interested, please respond to this ad with your Name, Photograph, and a URL for your blog that nobody reads.

Please be discreet.

Now, we think that either:

1. Gawker really was that desperate for fresh content, or
2. the unhappy editorial staff wanted someone to find this so they could get fired before they all quit and still collect unemployment, or
3. it's entirely possible that this is not Gawker's ad. OK, not entirely possible, but somewhat possible.

UPDATE: The ad has expired but we took a screen shot for just this occassion:

Gawker's Calling: Get Those Resumes Out and Teach Them to Sneer

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 20:13:00 GMT

We failed to get the word out last week about the Gawker brain-drain because we were too busy cuddling on the couch and feeding each other macadamia nuts. So sorry! It's a last Friday in November tradition! Here you go: Choire Sicha and Emily Gould quit the Internet empire for what we can assume will be greener, cleaner pastures. After recent probing, critical articles on Gawker in New York Magazine and n+1, we'd expected a shrug of indifference or a fiery take-down; instead, we got resignations and kind words for Keith Gessen's book. Although we do enjoy the image of Choire and Emily walking wistfully down an empty SoHo street into the sunset as the Iron and Wine begins and the end credits roll.

But wait! This is, of course, not the end, it's the beginning. While you're polishing up your resumes and dusting off your interview suits as you apply for the Gawker managing editor position, we've come up with some job ideas for Emily and Choire. Honestly, we are THE people to be giving career advice. We had a booth at the Borough of Manhattan Community College job fair for chrissakes. Our brainstorm after the jump...

Pitch a VH1 reality TV show called The Unreal World of America's Top Internet Bachelors and Bachelorettes.

You're probably about ready for a PhD in cultural studies, no?

Lean to shred.

Move to Richmond Hill, Queens and pimp your bikes.

Become purveyors of the post-snark movement in the stable and lucrative industry of Internet publishing by starting a media watch-dog website.

Absinthe Makes the Nerve Staff Grow Fonder, Hornier

sarahhepola — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 12:54:00 GMT

Last Thursday night, Nerve had a party in their schwanky Soho offices to celebrate the launch of our new corporate name, Material Media, and our third publication, a green-lifestyle mag. Huzzah! There was great rejoicing. There was also absinthe, possibly poured down the throats of some high-powered editors, who possibly had things to regret the next morning. There was also Gawker, taking pictures of our staff with fancy, postmodern squiggly lines all over the frame. Here you see Nerve writer Margot Berwin, who recently landed a book deal based on her Nerve writings. Here's the writeup.

Blog, Bloggier, Bloggiest: An IM Exchange About Gawker

sarahhepola — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 17:30:00 GMT

This week’s New York magazine has a cover story on Gawker, called “The Age of Insolence.” It’s guaranteed to get your cocktail party started, especially if your cocktail party takes place in a fashionably messy and high-priced Brooklyn loft. Your Scanner writers, Sarah and Nicole, spent a little time this morning IM’ing about Gawker, and we wanted to share our thoughts. It struck us that this was fitting, since Gawker often runs IM exchanges between high-powered publishing types, and that is us, if by “high-powered” you mean “loves to get hiiiigh.” In the interest of full disclosure, we should mention that we both know Choire Sicha, one of the editors at Gawker, and consider him to be one of the funniest people with whom we have ever shared a smoke. Also, do we wish we had as many readers as Gawker? We do. Also, we are wearing no underpants.

In the following exchange, which has not been edited for punctuation or capitalization or stupidity, "MissThunderstood" refers to Nicole and "DJTanner" to Sarah. Those are not their real IM names. But maybe they should be.

MissThunderstood (11:43:55 AM): so I got sucked into reading the nymag gawker story
DJTanner (11:44:48 AM): oh good. do you want to write about it?
MissThunderstood (11:45:35 AM): yeah i do. i mean its really long
MissThunderstood (11:45:49 AM): ok heres the deal w gawker
MissThunderstood (11:45:56 AM): they work so much on crappy crap
MissThunderstood (11:46:00 AM): they cant write anything else
MissThunderstood (11:46:22 AM): when do they have time to pitch, research, and write stories?
DJTanner (11:46:52 AM): their creative energy is gobbled up taking shots at other people
DJTanner (11:47:02 AM): and taking shots at other people inherently makes you more afraid to write and to create something meaningful, because you understand that there are people out there taking shots at you
MissThunderstood (11:47:26 AM): i think its the process too, and the time
MissThunderstood (11:47:28 AM): its stunting
MissThunderstood (11:47:33 AM): 12 posts a day
MissThunderstood (11:47:35 AM): thats huge
DJTanner (11:47:52 AM): i compare it to this: if you are a writer, you want to run a marathon. and blogging is like training for a marathon by running wind sprints
DJTanner (11:50:27 AM): i think they're funny. funny and smart. But i also think they seem chattering and insecure, like bullies on the playground
MissThunderstood (11:51:08 AM): well yeah its bred of insecurity clearly
MissThunderstood (11:51:14 AM): and its mindless usually
MissThunderstood (11:51:17 AM): sometimes funny. though they used to be funnier. its sloppier now
DJTanner (11:51:38 AM): i'm sure.
DJTanner (11:51:45 AM): they have more content, more interns writing
DJTanner (11:51:56 AM): they've fallen into a certain easy schtick
DJTanner (11:52:23 AM): should we publish this im exchange?
MissThunderstood (11:52:59 AM): eh maybe
DJTanner (11:53:06 AM): think about it.
MissThunderstood (11:53:07 AM): i mean they publish im exchanges all the time
DJTanner (11:53:26 AM): it could be like, gawker found this im exchange between two bloggers they don't give a shit about
DJTanner (11:53:33 AM): because we're not, like, julia allison
DJTanner (11:53:35 AM): or in the misshapes
MissThunderstood (12:19:24 PM): what's the best way to say “eel-on-woman” sex
DJTanner (12:19:44 PM): hmm. I think just “eel sex”