Scanner : global warming

As If This Year Hasn't Dragged on Long Enough

Emily Farris — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 18:41:00 GMT

Are you anxiously awaiting the end of 2008, ready to embark on a new year? Did you get your heart broken? Are you broke? Will the symbolism of the ball dropping on the ~~hell~~ zoo that is Times' Square help you wipe your slate clean or encourage you to not clean your plate at every meal? If any or all of the above apply to you (and most do to us if you've been paying any attention to this blog for the last year), you're going to have to wait just a little bit longer than you expected to ring in the new year.

But just a bit...

The world's "official timekeepers" (what kind of geek do you have to be to get that job?) have added a leap second to December 31.

Apparently the Earth's spin on its axis is slowing due to "tides and other factors" (Global Warming, anyone?) and to keep everything all in order (the sun going down when we know it will, etc) an extra second will be added to 2008.

We imagine the team running the Times' Square extravaganza will adjust accordingly and begin the countdown a second later but wouldn't it be more appropriate, and official, to countdown to zero or something?

Five..

Four...

Three..

Two...

One...

Zero....

Happy New Year, now stick your tongue in my mouth!

[Yahoo!: Tick tock ... tick: Extra second added to 2008]

Related:

New World Resolutions

Creepy Time Warner Hunk Calendar

Scanner Emily's Top 10 Lessons Learned in 2007

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Video of the Day: Now That's Some Polar Bear Sh*t

Emily Farris — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 21:46:00 GMT

We don't know why we're so obsessed with this video of polar bear shit (which is the equivalent of asking you to pull our finger), but we'd like to dedicate this video to the memory of Sarah Palin's bid for vice president and to Gina Gershon for reminding us that Sarah Palin thinks global warming is polar bear shit.

Warning: while this is totally safe for work, it's not totally safe for, say, right after lunch.

Who Would You Rather: Nude Sarah Palin vs. Nude Sarah Palin...

CNN Says "Free Sarah Palin!"

Scanner's Rules for Polar Bear Impregnation

Penis Iceberg, Right Ahead!

Emily Farris — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 15:25:00 GMT

We have a hard time believing this penis-shaped iceberg, snapped in the Bransfield Straight, near Antarctica, is real, but we'd like to think it's Mother Nature sending us a little message about global warming.

But how could one fake a penis-shaped iceberg?

Even the folks at Metro seemed to have a hard time with this one:

If there was any doubt about the terrible threat that global warming poses to humanity, then it can now be dismissed - as this shocking photograph proves that climate change is turning icebergs into giant penises.
The cockberg was photographed by Andy Rouse* in the Bransfield Strait near Antarctica.

Experts now believe** that it is only a matter of time before an armada of penis-shaped chunks begin to break off the Antarctic ice floes, and then roam the oceans wreaking havoc and luring sailors to their doom.

* We were sceptical of this name. Andy Rouse? A Rouse? Arouse? But he is real, it turns out, and takes very many nice pictures, most of which aren't penis-related in any way.

** No they don't.

Either way, it's pretty fucking awesome. Pun intended.

[Metro: Giant ice penis - is climate change to blame?]

Grope The Sculpture, Live Forever

A Walk in the Sexy Park

We Can Imagine What Pete Doherty Had for His Last Supper

Help! The Giant Penis Man Needs You!

Sarah Palin Thinks Global Warming Is Polar Bear Sh*t

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 17:08:00 GMT

Gina Gershon as Sarah Palin on Funny or Die has us rolling. Everyone's been so focused on the resemblence between Sarah Palin and Tina Fey, they've failed to notice how much Gina Gershon looks like Alaska's governor. And, whoa, does she.

Thanks to Gershon's spot-on Palin impersonation, the video manges a few solid jabs at the VP candidate without seeming preachy or mean. And in her American flag bikini, holding that giant gun, we're reminded that if Sarah Palin "shoots you in the face, it's because she was aiming for it."

Video (and bikini) after the jump.

See more Gina Gershon videos at Funny or Die

Was that "Cat Scratch Fever" playing?

In Da Club, Saving Da Planet One Piezoelectric Dance Floor at a Time

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 16:32:00 GMT

Love partying and energy efficiency? Well then, let us tell you about your new favorite London nightclub! Surya claims to be “the world’s first ecological club” and it's got a laundry list of green features to back up that claim.

What are some of the ways Surya plans to rescue us all from global climate change?

It generates all its power on-site through various renewable technologies, and even has some left over to donate to neighbours. There is a wind turbine and solar panels, along with batteries to store some of their output. More strikingly, it boasts a piezoelectric dance floor, which generates power thanks to the motion of the happy patrons jumping up and down.

...

The toilets use hardly any water and the urinals none at all. The paint is chemical-free. The curtains are made of hemp. The marble and granite flooring and the wooden balustrades are “fair-trade”. The wine is organic and the beer is “bio”.

So get out and shake it on the pizoelectric dance floor for the sake of the earth. Pat yourself on the back and then bring us a "bio" beer when you're done.

Nude Bicyclists Protest... Global Warming?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 17:10:00 GMT

The streets of Denver were thrown into chaos after a group of crazed hippies dared to ride after dark without their clothes on. While no arrests have been reported, readers of a local television station's website reacted as if the Taliban had thrown an orgy with Nazi teachers at a local elementary school.

A group of nude cyclists rode through the streets of the Mile High City on Saturday night in protest of high oil prices and global warming.

Get it? It's hot, so they had to ride the gas-free bikes naked.

Comments on the local NBC affiliate's website ranged from amused to angry to disappointed that there wasn't enough T&A:

Really? Really!? This is the best these people can do?
I really hope that people kept their kids inside, not appropriate!! They had one of these up in Boulder as well. I am all for free speech but come on!!!!!!!
I am all for global warming AND high gas prices!!! That being said, if there are any 20something hot women that want to protest, feel free to ride your bikes naked around my house. Camp out if you want! SEE IF I CARE!!!
Events like this are rarely ever pretty, unfortunately...
Urinate in public and become a sex offender. Ride a bike nude and send a message?
This creates a very unsafe situation, imagine the lawsuits for massive road rash should one of these idiots slip off their gunk soaked seats. Therefore, I propose, in the future, all seats be removed, leaving only the seat post. This will ensure they are all safely secured to their bikes. For an added level of safety, 15 inch speed bumps should be erected every 3 ft along the route. Remember; if it saves only one set of buttock skins, it's all worth it.....
looks like freaky-pervs.. we need to lock these weirdo's up.
both urinating in public and protesting naked are pretty stupid anyways, but if you can do one legally, why not the other

More photos and reactions via 9News. (Additional photos, including the above, here.)

Related:

Infamous Naked Lady To Parade Topless On July 4th

Welcome to the Wonderful World of Naked Rugby

George W. Bush: Master of Disaster

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 12:50:00 GMT

Oh boy... all right, tell us... what did Turd Brain say this time?

The American leader, who has been condemned throughout his presidency for failing to tackle climate change, ended a private meeting with the words: "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter."
He then punched the air while grinning widely, as the rest of those present including Gordon Brown and Nicolas Sarkozy looked on in shock.
Mr Bush, whose second and final term as President ends at the end of the year, then left the meeting at the Windsor Hotel in Hokkaido where the leaders of the world's richest nations had been discussing new targets to cut carbon emissions.

Ah, this guy is the Master of Satire. Oh wait, he wasn't being satirical-- he's just writing every Daily Show lead-in without even trying. Remember this classic, from '04?

One pictured Mr Bush looking under a piece of furniture in the Oval Office, at which the president remarked: "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be here somewhere."
After another one, showing him scouring the corner of a room, Mr Bush said: "No, no weapons over there," he said.
And as a third picture, this time showing him leaning over, appeared on the screen the president was heard to say: "Maybe under here?"

Keep it up, Bushie, just don't tell a joke of this style ~~at a soldier's funeral~~ or anything. Whoops! [Blacked out by the Pentagon. - Ed.]

Via the Telegraph.

Wall-E's Puppet Master Revealed: It's Al Gore!

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:24:00 GMT

The right wing has gotten tired of trying to find something wrong with Obama's mortgage or which hand he uses to wipe away his Muslim tears while he salutes the Nazi flag. They have a new enemy, one who''s smaller than an ogre but still bigger than John McCain: Wall-E.

Although we haven't seen the movie, we've heard for weeks that Pixar's latest animated film would feature some political content, including some "left-wing propaganda."

“It was like a 90-minute lecture on the dangers of over consumption, big corporations, and the destruction of the environment,” Pollowitz writes at Planet Gore, National Review’s global-warming blog.
I have been a huge fan of Disney Pixar's movies. Parents are usually just as entertained as their kids are. With WALL-E, that's probably true only if you thought An Inconvenient Truth was Oscar-worthy. As for me, Pixar's latest offering was Godforsaken dreck. From the first moment of the film, my kids were bombarded with leftist propaganda about the evils of mankind. [National Review]
It’s propaganda! We’re talking about a movie that foists off on little kids the idea that human beings are bad for planet earth. And that’s not true. Why are human beings bad for planet earth? … If you take your kids to this, understand they’re going to come away with the idea that mommy and daddy are bad for the planet and the planet would be better off without them. [Lars Larson on MSNBC.]

Other conservatives disagreed with these assessments, with some bloggers/writers supporting the argument that Wall-E is actually right-wing propaganda:

“I was relieved to see a kids’ movie in which the obligatory message of ecological apocalypse is framed in terms of jeopardizing our own humanity, rather than being mean to poor Gaia,” writes Matt Frost at The American Scene.
Robert Patrick J. Ford of The American Conservative suggests that “Wall-E” is... more right-wing than left-wing. “The real tragedy of these callous conservative critics (say that three times fast) is that they are missing the real lessons of the movie, ones I found immediately attractive to a traditional conservative,” Ford writes. “In the film, it becomes clear that mass consumerism is not just the product of big business, but of big business wedded with big government.

Did you see Wall-E? Let us know what your thoughts are on the film, its quality, its political content, and anything else you think of.

Via Political Wrinkles.

Sloppy Seconds: Heath Ledger's Birthday

Emily Farris — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 21:19:00 GMT

This piece of art is almost entirely composed of naked bodies. Look closely.

Billionaire/ media mogul/ environmentalist Ted Turner is worried that if global warming continues at its current rate, we'll either be dead or cannibals in 30 to 40 years.

We just wanted to remind you that John McCain voted against the creation of MLK Day. Politically motivated message complete, we now direct you to a serious, moving tribute to the man who was shot down in Memphis forty years ago today.

Annnnd back to trivial matters. Warning: next week we'll be posting exclusively in the beard typeface. Do not adjust your monitors.

And actor Heath Ledger would have turned 29 today.

-Scanner Brian for the broken Scanner Emily

Today in Global Warming: 10 Fun Surprises

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 19:47:00 GMT

Al Gore today declined to speculate on whether he will end up the consensus candidate and drive a Gore-Clinton Prius to the White House this year. In celebration of the former President-Elect's resurgence, Live Science put together a list of the Top 10 Surprising Results of Global Warming, most of which do not involve blogging by candlelight.

10. Aggravated Allergies, which we think is a great parody name for another one of those awful emo bands.

9. Animals Are Heading For The Hills, which would be a great title for a Gawker post about this season's premiere.

8. The Artic is Blooming! Plants are springing up earlier than ever, it seems. Unfortunately, those plants are embedded in icebergs rushing at 40 knots per minute toward New York City.

7. 125 lakes have disappeared from the Arctic in just the last few years. Any neocons wanna guess where that water might end up?

6. Global warming is thawing shit that's, like, under the ice! Like, the soil or something. Seriously, your house is going to collapse into one of the new Grand Canyons sure to spring up in 2312.

5. Animals may miss out on food because their migration patterns won't change with the fluctuations in the seasons. Without any birds around, Dick Cheney will be forced to blame his shooting of humans on drink and despair.

4. Speedier Satellites. Will James Bond be able to stop S.P.E.C.T.R.E. if this happens? Holy shit, we're doomed.

3. Mountains will grow in elevation. Wait, mountains are fucking alive?!

2. Ruined Ruins. Flooding will destroy monuments to extinct civilizations, such as something called "Black People in Louisiana."

1. Forest Fire Frenzy. That's okay, everybody has fire insurance that covers forest fire-related damage and contains no secret clauses, right? Whoops.

For the real list, click here.