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While You Were Sleeping: Getting Dumped On Facebook

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 14:20:00 GMT

"Sexting" is so popular even the backwards-ass morons at the New York Post are becoming aware of it.

The Republicans are planning to use Obama's plans to close Guantanamo Bay against him, maybe even as their lead line of attack.

And your worst nightmare is about to come true: Absolutely Fabulous is being remade as an American show.

The Silver Jews broke up. And apparently, David Berman's Dad is a psycho.

30 Rock and Kate Winslet('s cleavage) continue to collect the top awards. By the way, aside from 30 Rock, it's difficult to agree with any of the Screen Actors Guild choices, at least not the ones listed here.

Meanwhile, Slumdog Millionaire is doing very well in wide release, including in places like Butte, MT and Columbia, SC.

This is an incredible and surprisingly touching story of a Nigerian Facebook scam.

And speaking of Facebook, Prince Harry's five-year relationship has ended. The Royal found out himself only after seeing it in his Facebook News feed. Ow.

Today in "How'd That Get Up There?"

If You're Going to Give A BJ In Public...

Today's Topless PETA Roundup

Today in WTF: Waterboarding Ride At Coney Island

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 17:08:00 GMT

Would you take the "Waterboarding Thrill Ride" at Coney? What about if we gave you a dollar? What if we gave you two dollars?

Not to worry (unless of course your skin is "nonwhite" and you are, for any reason, in any foreign country), you will never actually have to be subjected to what we now refer to as the Christopher Hitchens treatment. This is one "ride" that humans will never have to take...

"Waterboard Thrill Ride" beckons a sign along with cartoon character "SpongeBob SquarePants" who appears tied down and exclaiming: "It don't Gitmo better!"

The public can peek through window bars and feed a dollar into the slot to bring the robotic dolls into action...

All right, not a terrible idea for a protest, but we'll stick to the Cyclone and "Harold and Kumar": Gitmo's just a little too scary to witness, even with machines in place of what could easily be any of us...

Marion Tracey, 57, from New Jersey, said she found the installation disturbing. It made her think of her father who had nightmares after returning from World War II. "In all wars, horrible things happen," she said. "I'd rather not see it."

Alex Soto, 23, said he thought it was a good thing for people to learn about waterboarding, but he added: "It is pretty twisted."

Thanks, Mr. Understatement. Via Reuters.

EXCLUSIVE: Toby Keith Worships Satan, Ted Nugent, And Lynch Mobs

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 15:57:00 GMT

Toby Keith, America's highest-rated terrorist, is sending the liberal blogs into a tither after his appearance on the Colbert Report last night.

And it isn't even for anything he said-- actually, it's for a song he's been singing for years and which was a smash hit single after 9/11, containing lyrics that most thinking people would find insane and dangerous had they not been avoiding country music radio since 1976...

Why Stephen Colbert, who out of character is a practicing liberal and would never be caught dead allowing a person like Toby Keith to get away with ruining what little is left of this country's well-being, should allow this guy to sing this song, "Beer For My Horses" (God, what a cheesy ass song, not even including its cultural ignorance) and not goof on him mercilessly is beyond us:

Grandpappy told my pappy back in my day, son
A man had to answer for the wicked that he'd done
Take all the rope in Texas
Find a tall oak tree, round up all of them bad boys
Hang them high in the street
For all the people to see

Yo, that's about lynching, okay? Not cool, Colbert! Why didn't you attack him on that? As Max Blumenthal pointed out at the HuffPo:

During the days when Toby Keith's "Grandpappy" stalked the Jim Crow South, lynching was an institutional method of terror employed against blacks to maintain white supremacy. According to the Tuskegee Institute, between the years 1882 and 1951, 3,437 African-Americans were lynched in the United States, mostly in the heart of Dixie. Felonious assault and rape (read: corrupting "the flower of white womanhood") were the two most frequent justifications for lynch mob actions.
Georgia was ground zero for lynch mob activity. Though most of the Peach State's victims were black, one of its most high-profile hangings claimed the life of a Jew, Leo Frank. Frank, a college-educated Northerner, was wrongly convicted in 1913 of murdering a 13-year-old girl after a show trial in which his prosecutor portrayed him to a grand jury as a bisexual pervert. Before the trial, one juror remarked, "If I get on that jury, I'll hang that Jew for sure."

You can imagine what happened to Frank and others like him, in Keith's glorious, Hitler-esque vision of the South. By the way, if Toby Keith loves lynching, then we can also correctly assume he worships Satan, who is a big fan of eye-for-an-eye anarchic lawlessness, and Ted Nugent, who is a racist pigporker and will kill us all with his 2,227 guns.

PS. Besides being a world-class shitbag, Toby Keith is also a talentless wanker we'd easily take in a fight, with a Guantanamo hood over our heads... bring it on, indeed.

Via the Huffington Post.

While You Were Sleeping: Sienna Miller, Homewrecker

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:56:00 GMT

The first video of a Guantanamo Bay interrogation was released yesterday. The tape, of course, shows a Canadian, rather than an American, official interrogator grilling the 16-year-old terrorist...

Jessica Alba's baby is clearly going to grow up to be a badass. For God's sake, the father's name is Cash.

Yeah, but a better press release would be all about what you're going to do about it, MTA: "Groping is rampant on the NYC subway..."

Sienna Miller is officially stealing somebody's husband. Not that we're judging her... especially when there are topless photos involved and the guy is that weirdo from Lost Highway.

An Australian man was charged with his seventh drunk-driving offense after spending $1,000 a week on beer. Wait-- $1,000 a week... and you bought beer? Wait... seventh drunk-driving offense? How is he walking the streets? After consuming $1,000 worth of beer?! Our heads are exploding...

Hitmen are apparently going mainstream.

JibJab put out another viral video for the 2008 campaign cycle. Did anyone really like the ones from '04? Honestly?

Michael J. Fox, the toughest little mofo in town, will appear on "Rescue Me."

And Ben & Jerry's has a new flavor: Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road. Guess who it's named after?