Scanner : guest bloggers

I Love Myself For Hating You: Paul Dano

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 14:28:00 GMT

This post was written by Sean Flanagan, who is filling in for Verena...

I hate Paul Dano, straight up. I’m sorry, kid's a douchebag.

I have had the unfortunate experience of sharing two classrooms with Paul Dano, star of There Will Be Blood and other recent hits. The kid is a shitbag, and film classes at Eugene Lang College in New York? Not exactly the biggest stressor I have ever encountered. More like, if you have seen enough movies, you have the basis to geek out and talk about it.

Paul Dano, though, sucked the life out of the room. Then when he had to do reshoots for Little Miss Sunshine, he was forced to skip finals. Not only was he passed along, with his finals taken care of for him, he got several EXTRA credits for being a working professional.

Another semester, roughly one year later, it happened again. Instead of midterms or attending class, he had to go to L.A. for the Academy Awards.

Then the Nylon (for Guys) article came out. Maybe the writer is a shit, but it begins in the largest sense of douche I’ve ever read:

A street corner in New York’s unassuming Tompkins Square Park isn’t the first place one would expect an actor to suggest meeting for an interview, but then, Paul Dano isn’t what you would expect of an actor.

Seriously. Hipster Manhattan Bar zone... is a surprise? They go on to meet in… a coffee shop. And discuss the pressures of impending fame.
Now, Paul Dano has added another modern film “genius” to his resume: Ang Lee is joining the roster of Spike Jonze, Paul Thomas Anderson, Todd Solondz and Richard Linklater.

Taking Woodstock is the next film, A comedic period piece (what Ang Lee seems to do best) regarding how the famous Woodstock festival came to be.

Rolling Stone defines it as being the true story of

Elliot Tiber [Demitri Martin], who inadvertently played a pivotal role in Woodstock when he offered his family’s Catskills hotel to organizers as a home base, while his neighbor Max Yasgur (Eugene Levy) offered his farm”

I was supposed to work on this film. The day I didn’t get it, Paul Dano was cast. Meanwhile, Todd Solondz was about to cast a friend of mine in his next film, Life During Wartime; he went with Paul Dano. Dano has worked with, and quite often sucked the oxygen away from some of my favorite actors (Gael Garcia Bernal and Michelle Williams come to mind.)

So, Paul Dano, who has also joined a band in apparent lack of ability to express himself, you are my archenemy. You are joining the ranks of Gwen Paltrow and Morgan Freeman. Stay out of my way and don’t career cock block me and I will try to stop telling everyone I meet how useless of a human being you are.

DISCLAIMER: I am aware that a fraction of this anger is jealousy. I would love to have his career and work with the people he has met. However, I also do not think he has deserved all of these blessings and would rather give these chances to an actor like Ben Foster.

DISCLAIMER #2: Opinions of our guest bloggers do not necessarily reflect the opinions of other Scanner bloggers, Nerve, or the world at large.

Related:

Todd Solondz Moves Reign of Terror Off Shore

We Were Vaguely Right About the Academy Awards

Oscars Preview: Paris Hilton Banned from Ceremony; Boredom and Self-Satisfaction Still Expected to Attend

Into The Wild: The Last of the Democratic Delegates

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 18:49:00 GMT

This post was written by Sean Flanagan, who is filling in this week...

Finally, after what feels like months of mud slinging back and forth, followed by weeks of uncertainty, Hillary Clinton last night released her diehard delegates into the wild...

Hillary Clinton, who once was the party's dream candidate, has lately been accused of being the kid on the playground that keeps trying a little too hard to be popular and then getting aggressive when they don't come out on top. But luckily, she triumphantly swept aside all that nasty pigeonholing and came out on top at the end of her '08 story.

"The story is that we are working as a team" - Berman

As promised, former President Clinton appeared Wednesday night, suddenly and strongly endorsing Obama as a man "ready for the job."

Though ever charming, Homeslice Bill could hardly get a word in edgewise over the constant cheers and cat calls. The delegates, Democratic wives and husbands, and platoons of Obama supporters fluttered around the convention like it was the last show of a great rock band.

Let's hope that's not the case... after all, there's always 2016. As for Obama/Biden '08, they leave unanswered questions in their wake:

1) Can Obama charge forward to deal with his own baggage?
2) Can Joe Biden make any more awkward references to Georgia? Hopefully, Obama won't hand him the microphone tonight.

Think of it this way - President Barack Obama is the living embodiment of the work, accomplishment and dreams of all of the great African-American men we still celebrate today: MLK, Malcom X, Frederick Douglas. If Barack Obama goes on to win, will he become our greatest black American?

Some great moments in time to consider:

MLK JR.'s Speech
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbUtL_0vAJk

Sidney Poitier in Guess Whose Coming to Dinner
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opuEwG0jCPA

Tracy Morgan Out Crazies Britney Spears
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2whjt_C_bP

NOTE: Opinions of our guest bloggers do not necessarily reflect the opinions of other Scanner bloggers, Nerve, or the world at large.

Related:

Freaky FAA Tapes Reveal Obama's Plane Nearly Crashed On July 7th

While You Were Sleeping: Colin Powell To Endorse?

Classy Hillary Clinton Nominates Obama To The Tearful Strains Of Her Supporters' Hand Claps

Hillary Clinton Strikes Back... Or Plays Nice... Tonight At The DNC

Scanner Roundtable: Who's Your VP?

While You Were Sleeping: Dancing With The B-Listers

Todd Solondz Moves Reign of Terror Off Shore

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 14:35:00 GMT

For the seventh time now, director Todd Solondz is returning to work hoping to make someone else uncomfortable with his unique perspectives on sexuality, identity and suburbia. For the first time, Solondz has jettisoned his normal Jersey environment for a new location….

People of Puerto Rico, take cover!

The upcoming film, originally called Life During Wartime and focusing on the Iraq war, is set to begin shooting this fall – just as the cooling temperatures begin to effect the body’s ability to long distance run, or in this case, swim. According to JoBlo, the film is

a proposed semi-sequel to his twisted cult classic "Happiness," starring Demi Moore, Paul Reubens and Emma Thompson among others, as people twittering on the edge of an unpredictable, sexually alienating world (sounds about right), and is slated to begin shooting in October.

Once again creating a pseudo sequel to an earlier film that met some acclaim and failed to fill many theatre seats, LDW is building on a story that previously dealt with statutory rape, sex crimes and a dog eating a teenagers first ejaculate.

Todd Solondz can be a brilliant man. But… the friendly threat of a new feature coming our way is enough to make ones cheeks clinch until one hundred percent, scientifically verified, confirmation that it is safe to let go.

GQ: "James Franco Is A Douche"

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 13:13:00 GMT

This story was written by Sean Flanagan, who is guest blogging while Verena is at the Democratic National Convention...

Everyone loves James Franco, sorta.

Pineapple Express was hilarious. Franco was exciting and endearing-- and in a good movie. But, it turns out, if you haven't seen any of his films since 2001's James Dean, you probably wouldn't know that everyone in Hollywood thinks he's a douche.

GQ, as you will see, does nothing to shatter that image; in fact, they get right down to it in the opening lines:

He's sorry about the awful movies, sorry if he was a jerk on-set, sorry for trying to be the next James Dean. But now, with the chronically charming Pineapple Express and an Oscar-baiting drama coming this fall, Franco is making sure his future looks nothing like his past, even if it involves making out with Sean Penn...

After that, it only gets worse:

1) Judd Apatow call Franco ugly and stupid:

“What I remember about meeting James,” says [Judd] Apatow, “Was that he had this really big mouth, and he was very skinny, and very greasy... We had no sense that he was attractive— we just thought he was this, you know, wannabe cool guy, but it wasn’t quite working, a funny mess of a guy, the way he performed the scenes."

2) Franco discusses a gay cocaine threesome and "email vent" about how he was unhappy with the lack of time spent discussing art and poetry during his the days of being trailed for the cover article.

3) "To watch the complete works of James Franco, as I did, is for large stretches of time a dispiriting experience.... He seems more like a witness powerless to prevent the same crime being committed over and over again."

4) This one is too great of a quote to really make anyone look bad, though:

One time when he was deep into reading a particular text, Sean Penn told him, “You’re reading that book like you’re waiting for it to lie to you.”

Of course, since Scanner loves James Franco, we have to point out that we do not support GQ's position. There's something entirely lovable about a guy who has this to offer us about his first time kissing a man-- in this case, Sean Penn:

The ﬁrst kiss of the movie was out on Haight Street, with, like, 200 people watching, outside. It was a crane shot—I’m sure in the end it will be a really cool shot, but it starts close and then it takes maybe a minute. That’s a long time on film with everybody watching and, like, a fake mustache getting in your mouth. It was long enough that you couldn’t help thinking, ‘Oh, my God, I’m kissing Spicoli.’ ”

Scanner : guest bloggers

I Love Myself For Hating You: Paul Dano

Todd Solondz Moves Reign of Terror Off Shore

We Were Vaguely Right About the Academy Awards

Oscars Preview: Paris Hilton Banned from Ceremony; Boredom and Self-Satisfaction Still Expected to Attend

Into The Wild: The Last of the Democratic Delegates

Freaky FAA Tapes Reveal Obama's Plane Nearly Crashed On July 7th

While You Were Sleeping: Colin Powell To Endorse?

Classy Hillary Clinton Nominates Obama To The Tearful Strains Of Her Supporters' Hand Claps

Hillary Clinton Strikes Back... Or Plays Nice... Tonight At The DNC

Scanner Roundtable: Who's Your VP?

While You Were Sleeping: Dancing With The B-Listers

Todd Solondz Moves Reign of Terror Off Shore

GQ: "James Franco Is A Douche"

While You Were Sleeping: James Franco and Sean Penn Go At It

Video of the Day: "Pineapple Express" Trailer

"Acting With James Franco" Comes Pretty Close to Making Us Cry

While You Were Sleeping: The Heath Ledger Investigation

Sloppy Seconds: More Naughty Miley Cyrus Photos Leaked

This Week In Gayness: Sean Penn's Next Movie

The MTV Movie Awards: More Entertaining Than We Wanted Them To Be